Pure and Clear

by sugawara-supremacy

Title makes no sense. Because she's Lily and He's James and with him came three others and they all fit together perfectly.

4. Chapter 4

So, here it is again. Not saying much. Rest of the chapters will come around a month later.

Prepare for fluff.

And make it a chuff.

To protect my story from devastation

To unite all fandom's within this nation.

What the fudge am I doing?! What's a chuff anyway? Meh. I'm high.

Disclaimer: I do not own HP. Bit unfortunate, really.

...

Quidditch.

To think the first game was in this terrible weather, and she was actually expected to be there, being head girl and all, Lily decided she didn't like the game. She'd been to a couple before, once or twice upon Marlene's insistence, and then twice after that because The Marauders refused to accept that she didn't like it.

Okay, she loved it when Gryffindor won, but the crowded stands were very unappealing. Half the time she didn't get what was going on, and the other half, she couldn't concentrate on her book because of all the screaming. But she would never actually admit she had enjoyed the last few ones she'd made an effort to attend.

Primarily because James was fantastic on a broomstick.

No he was beyond fantastic. Sometimes she felt like he'd merged with the thing; that's how good he flew. Smooth and totally in control, like he was born to ride it. And it didn't help that he often did impressive little twists and turns which she would've stubbornly disregarded years ago, but appreciated for its difficulty now. When the girls around her sighed dreamily as he whizzed by, very attractive in the uniform with his hair ruffled by the wind, she would agree with them in her head, but there was no way such an undignified sound would escape her.

So since last year, she was admittedly a lot more involved in the game, keeping her eyes on the Chaser and the Beater ( Sirius) hoping neither got hit by the crazy, rabid sphere of a bludger.

Honestly, she didn't see why it had to be in the game. Many a times it came hurtling against the stands and it took all of her will not to scream. That thing was one of her worst nightmares, not kidding. She shuddered to even think about it.

Maybe she had Bludgerophobia?

Possibly.

Not to mention the fact that James was so busy with the game, she had been doing the entire patrols and meetings by herself for quite a while. But she refrained form complaining, even though it was a lot of work, because she wasn't that sort of a person. No real whining. Her house could use a win, and he loved the game, so why stop him? Besides, whenever he came back late from practice, looking panicked about not having done his share of the reports and whatnot, Lily had the pleasure of informing the exhausted teenager that it was all taken care of; and the grateful and fond smile he'd give her was a lot more rewarding that it should've been.

She sometimes wondered whether she was being too nice, but one look at his worn out face told her the truth.

As for her life as head girl, it was tiring, but the work was entertaining with a cheeky head boy around. James was great to work with when he wasn't engulfed in quidditch. They did almost everything together, and he was quite punctual and very helpful. And a natural leader. He had absolutely no problem making the others listen to him, And didn't have them question him. It was something she admired. And the whole sharing a common room thing was still stomach flipping at times when he became incredibly playful or charming, but otherwise, it was occupied by the rest of the Marauders, and occasionally, Marlene and Alice, so she survived.

He took a hell of a long time in the shower though, a lot longer than her and she'd asked him through the door multiple times whether she really was the girl in this equation. He always replied that she was welcome to go inside and help him to save time.

But right now, she was enjoying every bit of the slight drizzle wetting her sweater, the screaming Gryffindors around her nearly bursting her ears, fingers clenched on the railing numb from the cold and excitement. Sirius whooshed by, chasing the bludger going after another chaser, successfully thwacking it away with a deafening crack. The crazy ball went straight at another player in Green and Silver, hitting his shoulder. The entire Slytherin stand groaned but they were drowned by the noise from all other three houses; because within that confusion, James had scored.

She cheered alongside Peter, Remus and Marlene, three of whom were sporting bright golden glitter on one side of their faces, courtesy second beater Johnson Smith. She had managed to wriggle out of that one.

" And Sage has the quaffle now—back to David—ugh, Avery— Potter—Sage— WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! THE BLUDGER'S GOING RIGHT AFTER THE GRYFFINDOR CAPTAIN!"

The Gryffindors held their breath as, indeed, the black ball hurtled after James who had the quaffle in under his arm. It was impossible to see who was faster, the bludger or him, and the entire spectators jumped to their feet as James dived and swivelled in an attempt to lose it. Sirius and Johanson tried to close in but both the ball and their chaser were much too fast. Lily saw Sirius shout something at James, and the other players were actually suspended in mid air, gaping as the bludger suddenly seemed to ignore everything else and was intent upon cracking open the skull of the Gryffindor Quidditch captain.

Lily wasn't breathing. Neither was Remus. Peter was whimpering.

He dived again, pulling up at the last minute but the ball followed his movements easily, and with a sudden burst of speed, whizzed at his shoulder.

James twisted at the last second and missed it by a hair's breadth.

Lily had gasped, just like all the other Gryffindors, and clutched Lupin's cloak. " Is that normal?!" sheshouted over the sound of the rain and the crowd. " It almost like that thing's—"

"Jinxed." The werewolf finished, looking gravely dangerous as he cast his eyes at the Slytherins. " Could be."

Lily felt her own eyes widen at the confirmation, fixed on the player and the ball dancing around. James was going at super speed now, circling the stands and watching him was making her dizzy. Abruptly, he braked and looped down, making the bludger race forwards a bit, earning an earsplitting cheer from the crowd, and used the moment to toss the quaffle at David who was looming nearby. Immediately, the bludger returned, hurtling towards the new chaser with the quaffle—

Is what you'd think. But instead, it went flying at James again. Almost as if he knew this, The Head boy resumed his flight, almost teasing the bludger, spinning and swivelling and twisting. The bloody ball followed all his movements. Confused murmurs arose from the crowd and the announcer, Alice, voiced their thoughts.

"What's he doing?!"

Testing. Lily realised, the revelation making her fingers unclench from Remus's cloak. He's testing how far the bludger will go...but how long will he last?

James was getting tired, it was obvious. But now he seemed to be determined to make himself dizzy.

He was going around the stands again, whizzing at an amazing speed, so fast she couldn't get a proper glimpse of his face. He was just a blur of Gold and Scarlett, dashing around in circles along the pitch, gaining momentum. The black ball hummed after him, following dutifully.

And right in front of the Slytherin stands, he braked abruptly again, twisting and falling purposely sideways off his broom, but holding on to it, swinging violently with the momentum.

The bludger went straight above, where his head should've been, and crashed into the Slytherin stands.

A moment's silence later, the entire stadium exploded with cheers and shouts and excited screams.

" This is why he's CAPTAIN! That was bloody brilliant! LITERALLY IN YOUR FACE YOU SLIMY GITS—"

" Miss Prewett!"

" Sorry, Professor. But that was brilliant! Way to go Potter!"

The crowd roared in agreement, watching as James pulled himself back on the broom, shaking his head to clear the dizziness. Sirius had rushed over to check, and they took a second to converse. The next thing they knew, James was shooting off again, and had the quaffle in his hands; all within 10 seconds.

"It's over!" Marlene sounded hysterical with received laughter, shaking Lily by the arm." He's okay. Breathe Lily! Remus! Peter, snap out of it!"

She took in a lungful of air. Lupin sagged next to her and they both sighed. " This is crazy." Lily mumbled to herself, the adrenaline pumping in her veins, making her restless. She was furious at not being able to do anything.

"Well, they sure got what they deserved." Lupin nodded towards the Slytherins. The bludger had knocked down a lot of them like bowling pins and majority of them hadn't gotten up yet. Satisfied at the spot of red that was blood she could make out on them, Lily watched James again. But he was back to playing normally. The quaffle jumped around from player to player and she wished it would be over soon. The excitement was making her feel dizzy.

The Slytherin seeker suddenly shouted.

" Aaaaand Slytherin's caught the snitch. " Alice announced drearily and the Slytherins began to cheer. But then she made a surprised strangled sound. " But what's this?! GRYFFINDOR WINS BY THIRTY POINTS! WE WON! THEY CAUGHT THE SNITCH BUT WE'VE WON!"

A confused second later, the stadium was filled with screams and hoots and hollers as the score boards revealed the real verdict. Cheers roared from all three other houses, and the players landed on the ground finally.

Lily felt infinitely better when she saw that their feet touched solid ground.

Pushing through the mad jubilant crowds of Gryffindors singing and cheering loudly, she, Marlene and Remus made their way to the overjoyed Gryffindor team. They were all looking out of their minds with happiness and wild excitement. James was being hugged and clapped on the back by seemingly millions of people. Laughing, Sirius spotted them and fought his way over, looking giddy with excitement.

" Did you see that?!" he asked in a high pitched voice, shaking a laughing Lily by her shoulders, eyes bright and alive, " Did you see what he did?! Bloody amazing, that was!"

" We saw it alright." Remus grinned back. The high of the students around them was infecting them as well, and Lily couldn't stop grinning either. Remus clapped Sirius on the back, Peter's eyes were shining with admiration. " Where's James?" he squeaked.

" He'll resurface any second. I'm going to go and ask McGonagall permission for a real party in the commonroom."

"Ask permission?!" Marlene's eyebrows shot up. " Wow. You've rubbed off on them, Lils."

Sirius rolled his eyes and left, and almost immediately, James popped up out of nowhere.

All four of them attacked him, their shouts tumbling over each other, patting the boy or clapping his back. James grinned brightly, hand flying to his hair.

"That was amazing!" Peter squealed, watching the chaser with wide eyed admiration. " How did you do that James?"

"I honestly don't know. You don't really think things through when you're trying to keep your skull in one piece." James rolled his eyes. " I suppose it was a little dangerous."

"Nah." Marlene waved a hand. " With so many teachers around, I doubt you would've died."

"Although, at first, I did fear I'd have to do the rest of the work alone for a while. You know, until they find a new Head Boy." Lily added seriously, but then grinned. " Congratulations, Potter."

"Thanks." He grinned back, eyes glinting. " Where's Padfoot?"

" Off to ask permission for a party." Lupin said, sounding calm again. " He's talking to McGonagall."

"I see." James frowned, as though he hadn't been informed about this party. He raised a brow at Lily questioningly." And you just let him go? No warnings, admonitions, predictions?"

"None. Are you listening, James? He's gone to ask McGonagall. "

" Are you listening, Lily? He's gone to ask a lady who's crazy about her house winning the games. You tell me whether she's actually going to be rational. "

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but then closed it as she was out of words. Satisfied, James ushered them along, manoeuvring between the rambunctious crowd into the great hall. The Gryffindor quidditch team received a loud cheer of welcome from the students in the hall, and they bowed gracefully, all smiles and grins and cheeky waves. James was rubbing off on them, Lily decided, grinning as she sat down. Sirius plopped down next to her in a minute.

"McGonagall's fine with it." He announced, and James gave her a smug smile from opposite her. She kicked him under the table and he jumped.

" Jo, Dave and I'll get the food and drinks." Sirius continued, oblivious to the war underneath the table, " Moony, decor?"

"Done."

" Silencing charm, Wormtail."

" O-Okay."

"And you, star of the day, put aside your badge." Sirius waved his fork at James who had been unsuccessfully trying to get Lily back for the painful stamp earlier.

"Fine. Fine. No badge."

"But no alcohol, Sirius." Lily said to him seriously. " I'm not kidding. Please don't."

" Aw come on, what's a party without—"

" Sirius!"

"Fine." He grumbled, casting James a look as if this was all his fault. The chaser raised his brows at his best mate.

Dumbledore spoke something, words of congratulations probably, and then resumed his seat, chucking. Dinner was very loud and hurried. The Gryffindors were the first to clear out, heading straight to the common rooms. Lily got up slowly, smiling at people who actually came up and appreciated her sportive behaviour, allowing the party and all, and waved away Marlene and Mary and Alice. A couple of kids had surrounded McGonagall and when she passed them, she realized they were arguing about punishing the Slytherins for jinxing the bludger.

"But this shouldn't be allowed!"

" It was jinxed! Jinxed I tell you!"

" Expel the whole lot of them!"

The Professor looked weary, trying to pacify them, and caught Lily's eye , giving her an exasperated sigh. The Head girk stopped decisively.

"Oi."

The five or six students harassing the head of their house turned around. Among them, nearly four were members of the team. "Stop it." She told them." You're wasting time. Get to the common room."

"But Evans," said one, " This is injustice! We can't—"

"If you think Sirius and Remus and Peter are going to keep quiet about this," Lily crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one leg coolly, authority ringing off of her, " You're terribly mistaken. Its obviously going to be taken care of."

"But—"

"Leave. Now please."

Sighing, and complying because they respected her, they left slowly, murmuring among themselves. Lily heard McGonagall sigh, straightening her hat and cloak. " Thank you, Lily. Sometimes I just can't find it in me to send them away disappointed. Especially for something like this. "

Lily grinned at the older witch. She smiled back." Keep an eye on this party. I have a feeling Black's going to be a bit more jubilant than he presented himself to be in front of me. Oh, and make sure they don't go overboard with the vengeance."

" I'm on it." Lily saluted, and the Professor smiled widely and made off. "Finally, a win." The older woman muttered as she went." This calls for biscuits. Scottish, yes..."

Laughing to herself, Lily spun around, a spring in her step and abruptly collided with someone's chest.

Someone who felt very familiar.

"What is it with you walking into me all the time?" James chided, grinning. One hand was wrapped around her arm to steady her, the other clutching his broom, like it was his eternal staff.

She gathered her thoughts and grinned back slowly. " If it isn't our dear Quidditch Captain." She said, cheeky smile intact. " Seen any bludgers lately?"

" I've just had one collide into me. Right now." He dodged the punch she sent his way with a bark of laughter. "You're coming to this party, aren't you?" he questioned, " Someone needs to stay in control."

" Aren't you supposed to be Head Boy?"

"Not for this evening. Tonight, I'm getting smashed. Flat out drunk." He grinned.

Lily groaned." I thought I said no alcohol."

"When does Sirius ever listen to you?"

"Hey! He listens sometimes."

"Lily."

"Okay, he's listened once or twice."

" ...."

"Fine! He listens to me inside my head, alright?"

"Much better." He nodded, " So you're going over now?"

"No." She sighed, fishing out a wad of paper from her bag and waving it in his face. " Points to tally. Leaky fountain of pumpkin juice in the fifth floor corridor to check, and Girls bathroom's been cursed by a transparency charm...which is more like a curse."

"We had nothing to do with any of this." James held up his hands in surrender. " I swear on my broom."

"Oh I know." She smirked, " There are other troublemakers in town, James. You're outdated."

James tugged her towards the doors, a glint in his eye. " Don't tempt me, love." He said quietly. " I can easily show you we're still the best there is."

Smiling at his seriousness, she let herself be dragged forward. " Go and shower, Potter. They need you fresh and clean for the party. I'm off to the fifth floor."

James opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off by shouts from his teammates.

" James! Hurry up!"

" You're going to be late!"

"Black's got foooooood!"

" You just had food, Sage." James called back, " Go on ahead. I have a bit of work to catch up on."

They looked a little stunned, shocked into momentary silence. " You're not coming?" someone mumbled weakly.

"Of course I am." James rolled his eyes, then grinned roguishly. " What's a party without me? I just need a little time. "

Brightening again, they began to move away, calling out, " You need to be there too, Evans!"

"Yeah! You owe me a dance!"

"From when?" Lily asked incredulously, but the boy merely winked and made his way out.

The two head students walked back towards the door, chatting, bickering. Lots of students pushed out around them, heading towards their own common rooms, Gryffindors looking alight with excitement.

Marauder parties were always the best.

James and Lily headed off into the fifth floor corridor first, James accompanying despite Lily's protests, and fixed the fountain, both taking a drink just for the heck of it. Doing the tallying on their way back, they finally reached back in front of Baltimore's portrait. The old man opened an eye to look at them.

" I'll go and fix the bathrooms." Lily said, holding up a hand as he started to interrupt. " No you may not come with me."

" Well, crap. And here I thought I could sneak in at least as Head Boy."

" Go and start showering now if you want to make it to the party by nine... I'd still get there before you."

" And you're coming back when?"

"As soon as I lift the curse...charm... curse."

James nodded, grinning as she took a step back. " See you later then."

"Remember to use soap."

He smiled wider at her retreating form, red hair bouncing away. Something did twinge in his chest. " But I've run out! Don't make me use yours Lily!"

"Touch my stuff and I'll castrate you." She called back without turning.

James simply watched her a beat longer, smiling to himself. Then realizing he was being stupid, shook his head and turned to Baltimore beginning to say the password. But the words died in his throat.

The old man looked very, very smug about something. He was fixing James with a rather sly smile. " You like her don't you?"

" Hatchlings." Answered James.

" That is correct, but you like her don't you? Ah...how wonderful. This isn't the first time this has happened to I'll warn you now, the Head's Dorms are doused in charms. You might want to be careful and keep the snogging in control; if you ever get together that is. I think you need to work on that bit."

"Ithink you need to open up."

" Now now, don't get smart with me, boy. I might just let this slip to the other portraits." But the old man swung forwards anyway, exposing the dimly lit passage.

"As if the entire castle doesn't know already." James murmured as he climbed in, registering the portrait's faint laugh.

Lily tried everything. All sorts of charms she could think of. But none of them seemed to work. Finally, it was Moaning Myrtle who floated in and suggested a counter curse. Eternally grateful, she sped back to the Gryffindor common room, hoping everything was in control. As the portrait hole opened, she realized Remus was in there, so things wouldn't get too out of hand. Lily stepped into a stuffed room, with low golden lights with little red bits in between, scarlet and gold streamers draped artistically over the place, the arm chairs and couch all gone, the fire blazing. Music pumped form somewhere, making the ground vibrate in its low hum. On one wall, there was a picture of a zooming bludger and it was chasing a figure in the Gryffindor quidditch uniform, with black hair. The picture moved on the wall, going around the room in fast circles. She grinned as it went by right next to her, spinning to get a better look as it zoomed past. Laughing at the ingenious brains of her fellow students, she made her way over to a waving Alice. Marlene was right next to her, looking a little pink. Both had cups in their hands. She eyed the drink suspiciously.

"This is great isn't it?" Alice grinned. " I can't believe Frank missed this. Did you see the picture?"

" It was pretty impressive." Lily grinned back, eyes darting around in search if things out of place. Everything sure seemed to be in control. Remus was in a corner, talking and laughing with a few kids, and he grinned and waved when he caught her eye. Lily returned the gesture, knowing he was on alert too. She spotted Sirius across the room, surrounded by a bunch of girls, and a few guys, who were laughing at something he was telling them. But his face was flushed, pink, and looked a little more...unsteady. He too, saw her and saluted from his position, making her wiggle her fingers back at him. Peter was by the food table, talking to younger students politely. So far so good.

Looks like James hadn't finished his grooming.

Or did he disappear into the dorms with one of those gorgeous giggly girls by the door?

Suddenly feeling sick, stomach churning, Lily swallowed.

"Lils?" Marlene called softly," What's wrong?"

" Nothing." She answered quickly. " Just thinking about cleaning this up later."

"You need a drink." Said Alice, grabbing a floating cup and thrusting it into her hand. The drink was surprisingly cool under her fingers. Lily took a sip, trying to quell her whining stomach. It would be fine.

Was her throat burning?

But the pumpkin juice felt good. She swallowed another mouthful, feeling her worries subside. The cold was nice against her now hot neck and tummy. Her worries melted away.

The portrait door opened again, and a collective squeal alerted her of James's arrival. As soon as he took a step inside, two of those girls at the door flew at him, and he disappeared in a sea of students. Lily focused on her drink, unable to swallow, but doing her best. She averted her eyes to the zooming picture again.

" Lily." Alice sighed. " Relax. You're going to crush the cup."

Surprised, Lily forced her fingers to unclench, looking away from her friend's knowing sly smile. She took another swallow and her anxieties thawed again. Her throat was really burning now, but for some strange reason, she didn't care. She felt a little alarm somewhere in the back if her head, but dismissed it, taking another gulp.

A rather cute boy, their year, came over and asked Marlene to dance. Grinning, Lily and Alice stepped away, pushing her forward, and soon enough she was really enjoying herself in the centre of the room. Grinning, Lily grabbed another glass floating by.

Pumpkin juice was good.

She couldn't see James, and something inside her had turned a little cold. Hurt, but cold. Fine. He could stay there buried under those...those— she could think if quite a few nasty names for those girls— who cared?! James was a very popular figure, and just how wanted he was, she saw now. Lily and no business getting upset over him going off with anybody. Just because she was in love with him, it didn't mean he was supposed to sit around and be such a coward like her. Besides, she'd lost her chance years ago right? It's obvious he'd moved on...

But then what about the charm and the special treatment and attention he gave her explicitly?

But then what about his guarded eyes and weary looks sometimes?

Ugh. Men. So confusing.

"Are you feeling unwell, Lily?" Alice reached over and pushed the hand holding the cup away from her mouth and shuffled loser, feeling her forehead. She frowned. " You're all flushed. Do you need to lie down!"

"No, no, I feel fine." Lily shook her head and stepped away, feeling herself stumble a little. Alice suddenly looked alarmed.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder and Lily turned to see another boy of their year, smiling at her. " Hey." He greeted.

"Hey yourself."

" Do you wanna dance, Lily?"

"Um... actually, I'm feeling a bit...unwell. It wouldn't do good if I puked all over you in the middle of the floor now would it?"

"I see." The boy looked disappointed. Lily didn't like to see that face on someone because of her. It was too awkward. " But!" She suggested quickly, gesturing at her companion." Alice here is as healthy as a horse."

The mousy haired female gave her a look and the boy ginned. " I would've asked, really, but I might just be a little scared of Longbottom."

"Oh he'll be fine with it. It's just one night." Lily waved a hand. " Go on, Al."

"But...will you be alright?"

"Of course! Now go. Don't keep the boy waiting!"

Alice abandoned her cup and brushed her hands on her skirt, walking decisively towards the boy who was grinning brightly. He offered her an arm and she looped hers around it.

" Well, thanks Lily. Hope you feel better soon."

" Have fun." She waved.

They merged into the crowd and Lily sighed. What was she supposed to do now? Grabbing yet another cup of wonderful pumpkin juice, she leaned back against the wall, feeling the picture zoom by behind her. Parties would be fun, if she was the type of person for it. Right now, it looked to her as if she was on patrol. She drowned her drink in one gulp.

Yum.

That's when she saw Remus walking over. "Hi!" he grinned as soon as he was near enough. " Not really the party type, are you?"

" Nah." She replied, smiling. " I'd rather read, thanks."

Remus took a closer look at her face, tilting his head in a questioning manner. He frowned suddenly. " Lily..."

"Hmm...?"

"Are you...alright?"

"Of course. Never been better. Why is everybody asking me that?"

"Everybody?"

" Okay, well, Alice has been asking. Did you know you've got really nice hair? They shine from across the room, Moony. I think I'm jealous."

Why am I even saying this?

" Ooookayyyy..." Remus looked around as if searching for someone. And spotting the person he wanted, Lupin waved frantically.

Lily giggled.

He cast her a wide eyed look, and she saw Sirius emerge gracefully next to him, grinning happily. " What's up, Moony, my friend? I was about to get snogged. I hope this is worth it."

" Something's wrong with her." Remus spun her by the shoulders, thrusting her towards a bewildered Sirius. Lily blinked at the Beater.

"She looks a little red, yes."

" She just giggled, Padfoot."

Eyebrows shooting up, eyes widening, Sirius now looked alert. He stooped to her level and waved a hand in front of her face. Lily giggled again at the sight.

"Bloody hell!" Now dumbstruck, Sirius wrenched back and then suddenly noticed the cup in her hand. " What is that you're drinking, Lily-bean?"

"Pumpkin juice!" She informed happily.

Sirius exchanged a glance with Remus and snatched the cup away.

"Wha— Padfoot! Give it baaaack!"

Now definitely alarmed because she'd just whined, Sirius swallowed what was left of the drink in the cup. And he sighed defeatedly.

" Spiked." He confirmed. Remus made a strangled sort of noise. " I don't suppose you've had just one glass, Lily-bean?"

"Three." She frowned, suddenly looking close to tears, " Spiked? I'm drunk?"

" Oh yes."

"And the worst part is," Sirius sighed, throwing the cup away," The alcohol only gets worse by the minute. You don't have to dink anymore but you'll be flat out drunk in...say an hour."

"This is great. Head girl's drunk. Wonderful. I'm killing the idiot who spiked this." Remus muttered darkly.

" Watch it Moony." Sirius warned quietly, pointing at Lily's tear filled eyes. " She's losing it by the second. You have to be sensitive."

Lupin groaned and turned her to face him. " I'm sorry Lily. Please don't cry. I didn't mean it."

"Who's crying?" she growled, wiping at her cheek furiously. " I'm going to murder someone."

Remus kept his grip on the girl as she scanned the crowd, and fished out a bar of chocolate from his cloak.

"Where did it— ah, yes. Here you go, Lily. Eat up."

"What for?"

"It'll help with the...um...chocolate's always good for you. Just eat."

Shrugging, she munched on the bar, smiling again. Her mood was swinging more wildly than Tarzan and it made Remus panic just a little bit.

"Find James." He told Sirius quietly. Lily was now giggling and laughing as she played with Sirius's longer locks of ebony. " Get him to take her back to the common room."

Nodding, Sirius extracted a mirror from his pocket.

" Ooooh! That looks nice! Why are you carrying a mirror around, Sirius?"

"Because I like to look at myself." He relied, grinning as she twisted the thing in her hands. Lily looked up, brimming with innocent curiosity. It was actually funny to see her like this. " What does it do?"

" It...um...it show's you the present of the person you love the most."

"Oh." She had gone very quiet, holding the mirror away from her face. " So...the person you love the most is yourself?"

"Precisely." Sirius grinned. " And who do you think will show up if you look into it?"

Lupin shot Sirius a look, as if reproachful for taking advantage of her state. He grinned back angelically.

" That's easy." Lily said, holding the mirror up. " Mum or Dad."

"Well, they didn't show up." Sirius tutted. " You're lying. Tell the truth or the mirror won't show you."

Lily looked at it again, looking upset, then all of a sudden thrust it back into Sirius's hand. " Take it back."

"Don't you wanna see?"

"No."

"Why?"

She swallowed, paling. " I don't think I'd like what I'm seeing."

Now intrigued, Remus looked at her in surprise. " Why? What's wrong?"

" I— he's...can—can I just have some water?"

" Of course." Lupin said courteously, grabbing a bottle of water from a nearby table. " Here. "

She swallowed the liquid, and sighed. The chocolate might've helped. She could feel a bit of the rational Lily peeping from somewhere inside, but mostly, the alcohol was controlling her actions. " Thanks, Remus."

"You should go to bed." He replied, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sirius had a whispered conversation with the mirror. Lily frowned at the floor. " I was supposed to be on guard."

"I've got it." He assured soothingly, patting her hand. " Now just wait a minute and we'll—"

He was interrupted by her widening eyes and increased flush as James silently crept up from behind her. It was as if she had a sensor inside; Lily didn't even have to turn. The Chaser couldn't see her face, but Remus could, and he wanted to laugh and shove her at his best mate all at once. Why were they still dancing around?!

" What's going on?" James asked, perplexed, then gestured to Sirius , " Why is he biting my ear off?"

Lupin simply spun Lily around again, despite her silent head-shaking protests, and James blinked, smiled confusedly, and looked at Remus again.

"Erm... Yes, she's... lovely. What...?"

"Look closely, you moron."

James frowned and leaned down to peer at her face, and Lily's heart was beating so fast, she thought it would burst outside. She felt his breath fan her face lightly, something sharp but sweet hitting her nose. Had he been drinking? Well, it smelled tasty.

Whaaaat?

She heard him talk to Remus again, but didn't understand anything. It was all just a buzz anyway. He had straightened, but his fingers were light against her arm, warm and calloused softly, sending strange tingles up her hand. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, just the first two buttons, collarbone peeking from behind it, almost invitingly. She was face to face with the base of his neck now, he'd grown a bit. The sleeves were pushed back carelessly against his elbows. The white shirt was a just perfect fit, teasingly outlining his toned chest, and she knew if she reached out, it would be firm under her hand. Warm. Safe. Comforting. Her mind screamed at her to throw all caution to the wind and bury her face in it, find that comfort, stop hurting herself.

But she couldn't, could she?

Swallowing, blinking back sudden tears, she looked up at his face. James was frowning. His jaw was tense, but expression weary as Remus said something. A long drawn out sigh later, his eyes lowered to hers again.

" They sure got you, didn't th— "

And then he had to stop speaking, and breathing altogether, because she was looking at him.

And not just looking at him. Looking at him. In a way he'd only dreamed of.

He should've just stayed quiet, but her eyes were also sprinkled with tears.

" L-Lily? What's wrong?"

" Nothing." She swallowed. Lowered her eyes. He felt strangely frantic at the loss of that gaze. Collecting his scattered thoughts, James dazedly looked up at a confused werewolf.

"Prongs..?"

" I'll take her back." He said, swallowing himself. " Look out for the culprit? We can't have the entire common room full of drunk people."

"And once upon a time, we would've enjoyed that." Sirius sighed.

Remus shot Sirius a look and nodded to James. Sirius poked Lily. " Sleep it off, Lily-bean."

" Don't drink too much." She mumbled back." And I don't want to see a love bite on you next morning."

" You won't." He said confidently. " See, that is. I have my concealer ready."

Sighing desolately, she waved at Remus, and asked him to tell Alice and Marlene where she was and apologised for the trouble. He waved her apology off immediately, smiling.

James exchanged a look with the boy, and tugged her towards another corner. She followed without question. Mind swirling, dangerously out of her control. His shirt was ruffled. Why? His hair was even messier than normal...why was that? God, if she spotted a lipstick stain somewhere, she'd probably break down.

No! Break down?! Like hell I will!

Suddenly realizing she didn't want him to go with her, Lily tugged at the back of his shirt. He stopped and spun around immediately, looking worried.

" What is it? Do you need to—"

"I can go by myself." She mumbled again. The buried part of her screamed to be more firm and bold. Stronger. But she couldn't. She was tired of holding up. The ache in her chest was like a knife twisting through it, the knowledge that she couldn't just reach out and lean against him, close her eyes and forget everything, feel like she'd wanted to feel with him; cherished and adored, it was suffocating right now.

Damn alcohol. It was tipping over all her suppressed emotions and frustrations.

Danger signs flashed in her head feebly.

James smiled. " I was expecting that. But really, you're not exactly in the best place to go alone."

" But this whole thing is for you. You can't leave."

"Its just a few minutes, Lily. Stop fretting. Besides, this party is for the entire Gryffindor team."

" Since when are you so...so... Modest?!"

" Since you decided to date the giant squid." He threw back.

They locked eyes, arguing silently. She saw his hazel orbs search for something inside hers, delve deep and look around hungrily.

She snapped her gaze away. Her guard was down, she knew. And while a large part of her didn't care anymore, another part screamed for self preservation.

No weakness. No vulnerability. No crying.

But that was too hard. She was only human. Only 18.

" James," she pleaded softly, startling him, " please just listen to me."

" Nope. Besides, I have something I left back at the dorm." He lied firmly. Her fists clenched. He knew he won. " The map. We need it for phase two of the party."

She struggled. Her eyes stung. Why, she didn't know, but they prickled. She raised them to meet his once again, and James felt his heart clench at the sight. Something was really, really wrong with her.

She nodded her submission and he reluctantly resumed their walk, going up to the wall and pulling out his wand. Lily watched, fascinated, as he tapped six bricks in a hexagon, and they dissolved away to a passage.

"Leads straight to our corridor. Handy, isn't it?"

"Very." She mumbled back, distracted for a while as she clambered through. James followed a beat later. The sounds from the party muffled as the bricks resealed, and she felt him right behind her. The corridor was narrow, his wand tip was the only light and she pulled out her own to assist. Neither talked. Only the sounds of their footsteps echoed against the walls, sounding lonely in the silence.

The passage way cut abruptly into a better lit more circular, wider tunnel. Their way to the dorm. Lily stepped into it, blinking, trying to gather how far they'd have to go.

James stepped out and that hole in the wall resealed quietly. He gestured for her to walk forward and she took a few steps.

And then stopped. She didn't want to walk.

" Lily?"

"I don't want to walk." She crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall, staring at the parallel one.

" Okay...?" he frowned confusedly." Why?"

She shrugged, running a hand through her loose hair. " I just don't want to."

James sighed as he involuntarily followed the movement. Wistfulness knocked inside. " What do you want me to do, carry you back?"

And then she went such a lovely shade of red, he couldn't stop the twitching of his lips. Excellent. She had all her guards down. How very wonderful.

But it's involuntary. He reminded himself. She's under the influence of alcohol.

He wasn't about to take advantage of her state in any way. Oh, Merlin, no.

"You're not answering me. Do I need to warm up my muscles?"

"No!" she said quickly. " I can walk by myself. I just don't want to."

"How else do you expect to get inside?"

" I don't." She replied easily. Lily slid down the wall she was leaning against, sitting on the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest. She gave him a glance, ignoring his growing confusion. " Go get your map."

" Lily." He sighed," what are you doing?"

"Sitting."

"No, you've got something else planned."

" I don't." She said simply. " I just feel like sitting here on this wonderful floor. Is that a crime?"

"It's dirty." He warned, stepping in front of her.

" Please. Its just a little dirt."

James narrowed his eyes accusingly and crouched next to her. " That's not what you say when I get some mud on the carpet. "

" Well... Sorry. The Lily you are trying to reach is currently sleeping." She said seriously and he did a double take. " I'll probably curse myself in the morning, though."

" Yes you will. Get up please? You need to sleep this off."

Something stung inside. She watched her knees carefully. Her jeans had a patch of stain on it. She wouldn't like that, shouldn't like that, but that part of her was numb.

Gagged. Struggling against the kidnapper known as alcohol, struggling and failing, watching everything with wide eyes.

For example, she shouldn't be so close to James. This was just dangerous no matter how right it felt. If this got too cosy, he'd draw her into that bubble again and all her pride and dignity would dissolve to the wind and she'd do something stupid.

But of course, that part of her was gagged, remember?

" I have a feeling," she said quietly to her stain, rubbing it slightly, " You don't particularly like this...face of mine."

James blinked, slightly shocked. This was interesting; this new change. He happened to like the fact that she was so free right now, no masks or walls. What in the world made her think he—

Oh.

A smile tugging at his lips, he let his fingertips rest under her chin lightly. She looked up.

And he stopped breathing a second time because she was doing it again.

" I do. I like this Lily very much." His voice was a little breathless but at this point, he didn't care. She was looking at him like that again, the way he was sure he looked at her.

Like he was an anchor tethering her to that place. Like he was the eye of the hurricane; a safe spot. Like she couldn't get enough, but had to restrain herself for the sake of decency. Like the whole world could crumble to dust, but the only thing she'd wish for was his safety. So much love, so many emotions, all raging for one single person who kept her world spinning.

It was bloody amazing.

And she wasn't even looking away.

Maybe the alcohol had consumed her completely, because the sober Lily would never ever let this get out. He'd stolen glimpses, flashes of this gaze when she slipped, but they'd hide away so quick, he'd second guess himself after a momentary heart attack. And right now, here it was, bare and glorious in it's intensity and the incredible pull it offered.

She sighed softly, a small wistful smile on her face. " Do you really?"

" Really."

" But then what about the other me?"

He smiled as well, still lightheaded, " You're the same person. I love every single face you throw at me."

Crap.

Swallowing the slip up smoothly, he hoped it wouldn't shatter this delicate balance building between them right now. Something simmered under the surface, just out of reach, but still there. He wasn't about to let it slip away. Her eyes shifted, going more sorrowful, exposing much more of what was inside. She looked hurt.

" You use that word so carelessly." She sighed, reaching a hand over to lazily knot her fingers in his hair at the back of his head. James froze instantly. However, unfazed, she only brought his face closer so their foreheads touched. Her thumb stroked softly against his locks. She looked so calm. In such control.

Inside his head, there was a train wreck.

His hand had risen from her chin and rested against her jaw lightly, a whisper of a touch. He was a mess inside, but the longer he stared into green, the calmer he got. Not that he could've looked away even if he wanted to. No, she had him hanging onto her very breath.

" You're a fool." She said suddenly, very firmly. He swallowed. She frowned slightly. " I have a feeling I'm going to kill myself in the morning...but, listen to this, I love you."

He must've choked, or sputtered, or maybe died, he didn't know.

Something bright and warm flared inside his chest, happiness and hope, he realized. Hearing the words was different from trying to figure them out from her eyes. Easier. Smoother. His hands did sweat, he did feel like taking a large gulp of air, but that was only because he was disbelieving.

She didn't really know his fragile he was right now. One wrong twist and he'd shatter.

She's drunk.

Yes, that was true. Drunk, so she wouldn't really have a control over her words. Was she serious? Was this really coming from inside, or did the alcohol induce these feelings? Wouldn't she pull away in the morning? When she realized what she'd said, she'd probably take them all back.

But, 'eyes don't lie'. His mother always believed it. So did he. Eyes never lied.

" You're drunk." He informed her softly, afraid for himself. " You're saying things you'll regret in the morning. Let me take you back to bed."

She smiled wider, sly, " That didn't sound very decent."

Wincing, he stopped his own smile. " Sorry. You know what I mean."

" I'm drunk, yes." She agreed, not moving an inch. Their breaths intermingled. " But I'm not making this up, James. And this was supposed to be a huge secret, but, I really do love you."

His heart clenched sharply, the pain actually sweeping down to his stomach.

" Don't do this to me." His groan sounded tortured to her ears. " You can't just say things like that when you're like this. Its not fair!"

" When else should I have said it?"

" Oh I don't know." He mumbled sarcastically, glaring at her. " How about when you're sober and I can believe you?"

" But I can't do this when I'm sober." She protested quietly. He leaned closer to listen. " I'm not as confident. I can't be sure about you."

"What?"

" You. You're the problem. You keep going out with other girls at times, God knows what you were up to with some of them a while back, you're completely unaffected while I'm fighting to stand straight when you touch me, I'm being pathetic and...and crazy and hurt, and confused. "

"Why?"

" Why!? James, I didn't know whether you'd lost interest! I didn't know if you even liked me that way anymo—"

She was cut off by surprised bark . He pulled away and erupted into a fit of hearty laughter, maybe a tad hysterical, but he fell back and let it out. Happy, and relieved, that's how he sounded and she was left confused. If he was laughing at her little confession, he'd have hell to pay. And she'd probably kill herself in the morning.

" Oh, sweet broomsticks." He said breathlessly, straightening," That was the most absurd thing I've ever heard."

She crossed her arms and glared menacingly. James wiped away a tear, and kneeled next to her again, looking very different.

His eyes were glinting with a little mirth, a little confidence, a lot of doubt still left, but mostly happy. That smile lingered on his lips. He leaned closer and the atmosphere sizzled again. Her breath caught, and his fingers ran along her jaw, just as lightly, but more surely. He grinned roguishly and she swallowed.

" You think I'd lost interest? God, Lily. And I thought I needed to work on being less obvious."

" I-I don't—"

" Look at me right now." He commanded quietly, resting his forehead against hers. It didn't matter that his heart was bursting out of his chest, that a part of him was screaming against this idea. But he took the leap of faith. " You'll see how much you mean to me."

And he dropped them in one sweep, all his walls, all the guards, the fears, the insecurities. Just for a moment, to give her one glimpse of what she'd shown him just a second before. He could tell her right now, talk to her, but he knew she'd remember nothing in the morning. The alcohol dosage was too strong, she wouldn't recall a single thing.

But maybe, unknown to him, an image might create an imprint? Eyes spoke volumes, after all.

She sat there, stunned for a second, before the most incandescent smile spread across her face. Her hands knotted lightly in his hair again and she sighed. A very pleasant, alluring colour tinged her cheeks and she glowed. Her breath mixed with his, chocolatey but with a touch if sharpness from the alcohol. It took every last inch of his will not to kiss her.

But it was oh so tempting.

" Like what you see?", he murmured.

" I love it." She whispered back conspiringly.

" Good. You keep this in mind for me, alright?"

"Gladly."

His control teetering on the edge, James held her gaze for another second and she looked so... liberated, he almost didn't pull away. But then, regaining his wits, he tried to get some distance. A glint popped into her eye, mischief shining. Her breathing was shaky, still glowing, but her grip was tight. He couldn't move.

She kissed him.

It wasn't very long; in fact, it was too short. Just a soft pressure, an attention on his parted lower lip. Achingly brief. Easy. Moist. It was over too soon.

And he had frozen.

James Potter, voted Best Kisser among the seventh years, winner of two years' Hottest Tongue award, topic of discussion of many enamoured girls, highest standards for snogging of those few he had dated... had done nothing. He had just been kissed by the one person he'd always wanted, and he froze. Stopped breathing. Gasped ever so softly, but then no longer knew how to move. It was painful, overwhelming, that single soft impact; enough to haunt him for the rest of his days, more than enough to send every single one of his nerves into a wild crazed frenzy, screaming for more.

She looked just as calm, happier even. She cocked her head to the side questioningly. Slowly, sense filtered in, he blinked. He desperately needed to breathe, so he tried to pull away.

Still holding tight.

" Lily," he laughed breathlessly, " Let go. We have to move."

" The other Lily will kill me in the morning."

"Will she now?"

"She'll be mortified. She'll take everything back."

"She won't remember anything in the morning, sweetheart." He murmured, swallowing, calming himself. But God it was hard not to pull her back again, have another taste, make her sigh into his mouth. So tough. So damn testing. He firmly quelled his rampaging heart. And settled instead for a brush of knuckles against her jaw. She blushed again.

Okay, bad idea. Abort abort abort!

He pulled away abruptly, successfully breaking out of her grasp. James took in a lungful of air. His brain was clouded, fogged up by green eyes and intoxicating proximity. He could taste just a touch of the chocolate, a tinge of the alcohol and he had to work twice as hard to not swoop down and claim the lingering flavours in her mouth for himself. The breath helped clear his mind. She was just sitting there, looking completely comfortable. A little pink but fine.

" Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why won't she remember anything?"

"Alcohol." He grinned at her. " You won't remember a thing."

"And what if I want to remember?" she frowned. " The other me won't be as nice. Or kiss you. I'm pretty sure she won't."

"Oh don't worry." He chuckled, eyes sparkling with confidence and mirth. Her heart skipped a beat at the expression. " I'll make sure she does."

" Promise? I can't let this be for nothing."

"I swear on my broom." He grinned boyishly. " I'm going to miss you though. This Lily's my new beat friend."

She grinned brightly." This Lily's always right there. Just takes a bit of coaxing to crack her out. Although, if you get the sober Lily to kiss you, we'd become the same person again."

He chuckled again and watched her for a second. So bright and carefree and open. She was like that around others but even though they were a lot closer than she realised, Lily was always a little guarded around him. It was simply self preservation, he understood now.

Not for long, Lily. He thought, gleefully. I'll get you. Just wait.

Come tomorrow, Lily Evans was going to be in for one hell of a ride. She could try resistance. But he'd set his mind.

No more hiding behind walls. No more insecurities. It was about damn time things fell into place.

In the wee hours of morning, James crawled into his old dorm.

He couldn't fucking sleep.

Weary, tired, resentful at Lily for stealing his rest, he opened the door and saw all three of his friends sitting around on the ground. Talking.

" Prongs!"

"Look who's back."

" Morning James."

" Boys." He greeted, dropping onto Sirius's bed immediately with a sigh. He curled up against one of his pillows. " This smell is comforting to me. Is that creepy?"

" Get. Off. My. Bed." Sirius growled. " Of course its creepy! It's beyond creepy! What's wrong with you?!"

"Stop being such a drama queen." Remus chided quietly as James drifted off immediately, ignoring Sirius. " Look at him. He looks..."

"Devoured." Finished Sirius. " I wonder what happened. He wouldn't say a thing last night."

" Hmm...I noticed. Perhaps Lily exploded?"

" Possibly. "

" Quite the opposite." Said a muffled voice from the bed.

The boys on the ground looked up sharply to see James still in his earlier position, but talking.

" What do you mean, opposite?" Sirius got up and dropped on his bed as well, using James's stomach as a pillow. The whole thing was familiar, making the chaser feel a little bit more at ease. They used to do this—this sleeping on the stomach thing— when one of them was upset and had trouble talking. Remus smiled.

" Opposite of explosion."

Lupin blinked. She was drunk. Incoherent. They had a lot of unresolved sexual tension and emotional imbalances between them.

This was so predictable. The plot line of any romance novel's she-gets-drunk-and-he-takes-her-home chapter. He smiled slowly.

" What happened, James?" Peter asked, shuffling closer.

James took a deep breath and blew out a long drawn out sigh. " She kissed me."

" What?!"

" Oh wow." Peter mumbled.

So predictable, Remus just grinned to himself as Sirius scrambled to prop himself up and look at James's face. " And what did you do?" Sirius demanded. " She wasn't in a right state. You'd better not have done something stupid, Prongs. I'll—"

"I froze."

"Eh?"

"Froze. Didn't move." He sighed again, covering his eyes with one arm.

" You froze?"

"Apparently ."

"You?"

"Yes, you dog. Me. I didn't even react."

" But-But you're the best there is!"

" Eww. Padfoot."

"Oh shut up, I was just quoting the girls. What happened to you?"

" I was too shocked I think. It was really short anyway."

"Blimey. No wonder you haven't slept."

"What's that mean?" James lifted his arm to scowl.

"Well, its obvious. You're like too intensely whipped to actually sleep after something like that."

James put his hand back down and covered his eyes again, grumbled incoherently from the bed but did nothing else. A few moments of silence and his breathing grew steadier. The boys stayed quiet, knowing he'd only slipped away for a few minutes and would come back in a startled frenzy any second now. It was a James thing. He always slept the worst if something was bothering him. Absently, Remus wondered how Lily was doing.

With a small jolt, James woke again, and then sighed.

"Some things never change." Remus said a little sadly at his best mate's habit. " So what now. James?"

"Give me bottle of your tincture thing. She'll need it as soon as she wakes up." He muttered tiredly.

"I have it ready. Kept it aside last night. But I mean, what are you going to do about this? The kissing and confessing and all that?"

" I pull out my full potential and charm her pants off."

"That's your plan?"

" Pretty much. I'm almost sure she's completely taken with me—"

" Hallelujah."

" – now I just have to make sure its...for real."

"Taking a jump?"

" A huge one, Padfoot. Tell your beloved sister figure to go easy on me."

"I'll try. But no promises. This is Lily we're talking about."

" Oh, yes." He sighed again, "Don't I know it..."

Sometime around nine, feeling a lot more refreshed, James sneaked into the Kitchens, got her some solid food and soon enough, rapped on her door. She didn't answer.

He sighed. Nervousness was a new thing to him actually. His hands were sweating and heart pounding but he remembered what she'd said to him last night.

He'd have to fight for this.

Slowly, daringly, he opened the door. She was still curled up in the same position he had left her in. Silently, James crossed the room, putting the food on the table and settling into a nearby chair. She could wake up any second now.

Not to be creepy, he kept his eyes off of her after a quick glance. She was pale, her hair was tangled all over the pillow, crimson contrasting against white, and a hand was curled loosely against the soft cushion. She slept on her side, the blankets rising and falling at her shoulders in a steady rhythm at her breathing.

Her room was immaculate. He rolled his eyes at the neat pile of books and orderly parchments. This, he mused, would've been what Remus was like if he wasn't staying with the three of them. James grabbed a random book, Magic and Mystery, and flipped through. It wasn't a text book. Was it a novel? The title was crap and the book had no pictures! The print was so tiny!

She stirred.

For a second, his heart was in his throat as her eyes fluttered open. Then he snatched back his confidence and relaxed, leaning against the chair. Eyes opened, clouded by sleep, dull. And then she jumped.

" James Potter!" her vice was thick from lack of use and she swallowed." What in blazes are you doing inside—my...room?" she frowned uncertainly, a hand lifting to her head. Slowly paling, feeling nauseous, Lily sat up. She was still in her outfit from last night, hair a mess. This was so not how she wanted to look when he was just sitting there, casually looking like a God.

" I trust you don't remember anything." He grinned, leaning forward. " Does pumpkin juice mean anything to you?"

" Er...yes. I drink it every other day..."

" That's not it. Remember drinking some yesterday?"

" No... I – yes!" her eyes widened and both hands went to her head, which he guessed must be throbbing by now. " It was spiked wasn't it? That's the nausea and blasted headache."

" Absolutely right." He informed, going up to the flask of tincture he'd brought. Lily had released a small groan, and buried her face in her hands. He fought back a laugh. This was so different from what she was last night.

" Drink this." He handed her a cup of the medicine. " Moony special. He sends his well wishes."

Mumbling her thanks, she took the cup uncertainly, peering in, then glancing at him quickly.

He fought back another grin.

" It's safe. I promise. He usually whips up a batch for Sirius...and me occasionally. It's quite effective."

" Effective?"

She heard a sigh and the mattress sank near her hip where he'd sat down. " Just drink, Lily. If you don't, you'll throw up. This'll make the headache go away too."

Trusting Remus, she took a sip and blinked. It tasted simply like hot water, but then a moment later, turned tangy.

The throbbing lessened.

Her face cleared and she relaxed, thankfully gulping down the remaining liquid. Nausea settled, head was lighter. She felt fresh.

" Wow." She muttered, turning the cup in her hands, looking impressed. " That was amazing."

" All better?"

" Definitely. I've got to learn this from him. Dad could use it."

Smiling, he took the cup away and watched her for a second. It sure seemed like she didn't remember anything. Lily shifted under his gaze, squirmed even, but looked back questioningly. Ignoring her widening eyes, he reached over and pushed away the messy bangs on her face, hiding a grin at her slow flush. She was working desperately hard to kill it, he could see, so he kept a serious face, determined to play around as much as possible.

He had a little revenge to take. She'd tortured him for so long, James was feeling slightly vindictive.

" Now then, you seem to have forgotten everything from last night."

" I can't remember." She swallowed, trying to focus as his fingers ran along her jaw lightly. What was going on? " I think I can recall bits of it... but—"

She faltered. Bits of it. Flashes of memories. The most wonderfully uplifting, unguarded hazel eyes in a dim light, making her heart speed up and sigh in contentment. And something else. Something forbidden...?

"What did I do?" she asked wide eyed, hands sweating at his growing amusement. " You brought me back didn't you?"

He nodded.

She blanched. " Wonderful. I'm sorry about—well, this whole thing. Head Girl getting drunk. Ugh. Did you miss a lot of the party?"

" I got a lot more in return." He said quietly, looking every bit alluring with that sly smile and gleaming eyes. Knuckles raked softly along her cheek and she couldn't breathe anymore. He was awfully close, breath fanning her face. The scene was too familiar. And then he leaned forward swiftly.

Her heart screamed and burst out of her chest.

And very disappointingly, she felt a soft touch to her forehead.

" Get dressed?" He asked, leaning back. " It's already nine."

She swallowed her confusion and sinking heart. What was he playing at? Lily felt a feeble spark of anger but it wasn't even strong enough to come out properly into her head. " Why?"

" We're going out."

" Who's we? And where?"

" Oh," he sat back and slapped a hand to his forehead, almost mockingly. " I almost forgot. I have a question for you."

"Okay?"

He leaned forward again, looking calmly confident, taking her hand and rubbing her fingers.

" It's a Hogsmeade weekend too."

"I remember..."

"Good. Well then... Do me a huge favour...and go out with me?"

She sucked in a breath. It was embarrassing, being so silly, but she couldn't help herself. She could guess what had happened last night. Remus must've had a laugh at the clichéd episode. But something was really happening. Finally.

She would be a fool to think it around anymore.

And he didn't look like he was about to back away.

Excitement pounded.

" I...um..."

He raised his brows.

" Okay." She sighed. " Fine. Is this like...a..."

" Date. Yes." He grinned brightly. " Alcohol can do wonders, Lily."

She swallowed, wondering what to think. James got up and walked over to the door coolly. " Eat something or you'll feel sick again. I'll see you downstairs?"

She nodded meekly. He simply grinned and skipped out as if this was something that happened everyday.

Panic did rear it's ugly crown.

" James!"

His worried head poked back in enquiringly.

" What did I do last night?" she pleaded. " Just tell me! I can't stand not knowing!"

The concerned expression gave way to a sly smile that slowly spread over his handsome face. " That." He said, eyes glinting. "Is for me to know, and for you to never find out."

Chagrined at his amusement, she didn't get a chance to press on because he darted away quickly. Lily sank into her hands. She had completely lost herself last night for God knows how long. And she'd done something horribly clichéd.

I'm never drinking again.

Slowly, getting it into her head that she was about to actually go on a date with James, she got out of bed, swallowed the bit of toast by her bed and stumbled into the bathroom. The mirror was unkind to her and she felt her jaw drop at how terrifying she looked. Messy hair aside, her eyes were dead and lined with bags, she was way too pale and looked sick.

Sweet Merlin.

Turning away from the horror, she quickly jumped in the shower. The hot water helped a lot, flowing down her back in soothing waves and she worked on untangling her hair.

The whole thing was preposterous. Why did it have to happen this way?! Not to mention the unbelievably clichéd style, she wasn't even ready for this! How could she have said yes without making sure he felt the same way?

He wouldn't have asked otherwise.

Maybe...but who knew if he felt as strongly as she did? Lily felt like hitting herself with a chair. How could she have been so reckless?! What if it was just a game? A chance to prove that he could get any girl he wants, even her.

Stop it. He isn't like that! What's gotten into me?!

Crap, of course not. She was being crazy. So now she was just going to go off on this...date? For some reason, it wasn't as nerve racking as she thought it would be. Being around James was easy. The only problem was whether she'd scare him away.

But there's finally a chance. I can always try it out. I can't let him slip away again. Too stupid before, lots wiser now.

Taking her time to clean herself, she finally stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. The water dripped from the mouth of the metal, slowly stopping, its soft plunks against the tiles echoing loudly in the silence. Her mind was calmer, she was ready to put herself at risk, ready to stand tall if it didn't work out. Lily wiped away the fog in the mirror with her hand and surveyed her reflection. Her cheeks glowed healthily now, eyes bright and sparkling again. Determination shone in them. She took a deep breath.

It was time to grow up again.

Lily had only just stepped out when there was a banging on her door.

" Lily, open up!"

" You little sneak! How could you not tell me?!"

" Open, Lils!" Alice sang over Marlene's scolding. " We're waiting!"

Oh how wonderful. She bit her lip. If he'd told them, James Potter was an idiot.

" I'm coming." She said calmly. Just lemme...er...get ready."

Quickly pulling on her white pants that did good justice to her legs and her favourite blue sweater, she opened the door with her wand as she adjusted the sleeves. Marlene and Alice stumbled in as if they'd been leaning against it.

They were bursting with excitement. She was as cool as a bloody cucumber.

"You wonderful girl!" Marlene squealed, flying at Lily, and throwing her arms around her neck. " I'm winning ten galleons from Mary for this!"

" I—who told you? And you bet on me?"

"I bet on the two of you. Sirius told me. We were all sitting together and chatting when James comes in—"

"Looking awfully chipper." Added Alice sitting on Lily's bed.

" – and he refused to tell us what was up so we grilled Black instead. It only took two chocolate frogs. And a kiss."

"What?"

"Relax woman." Marlene snorted. " On the cheek, a kiss on the cheek. I wasn't about to snog him when I have a date in a few minutes."

" And if you didn't have one?"

"That's a conversation for another day." Said Marlene firmly. " Let's talk about you. How good was he?"

" Marlene!"

"What? Oh wait, that's right. You can't remember anything." She frowned, plopping down on the bed as well. " Bummer. Oh well, there's still tonight."

"Marlene, stop!" Lily paled." What are you even talking about?!"

" Well, for your information, Lily," Alice grinned wickedly, " You kinda kissed him last night."

"No."

Lily's worst fears were coming true.

" Oh yes." Marlene nodded. " Now James didn't want anybody to know anything, he was being fiercely secretive but Sirius gave us the details. Just us, don't worry."

Lily found, amidst the mortification, that she appreciated James's understanding that she'd be uncomfortable if this got out so soon. But she was kind of glad Sirius told them; took that weight off of her anyway.

But kissed? What in the name of Merlin's beard?! Just how out of her mind was she?

And another flash of the same hazel eyes from last night made her think how she could not have kissed him if he really had been looking at her like that.

I'm a messed up piece of work, I am.

She shuffled from feet to feet restlessly. The girls were grinning so widely she wanted to kill them. " Well...I er...guess that's that."

Alice laughed. " Of course not. I'm so happy for you Lily! Finally. "

" But you don't look too convinced. What's up?" Marlene asked quietly, contrast to Alice's happiness. She could see the uneasiness in Lily's face. " Come on, sit down." She patted the space between her and Alice. " Tell us what's wrong."

Lily dropped down in the middle and both the girls huddled closer. Marlene looped their arms together, hugging her elbow, and Alice wrapped an arm around her waist. Lily dropped her voice. " I'm just a little...worried."

" Worried."

"Okay...maybe the right word is insecure."

The two girls went very quiet for a long while. Lily was starting to palpitate.

" You." Alice said slowly, looking her in the eye. " You're insecure?"

" Um...yes. A little."

" Lily," she sighed. " You have no right."

"What?"

"Have you even paid attention to him at all?" Marlene burst exasperatedly and Lily looked at her. " Oh of course not. You're the subject here. But listen, to us, who've been watching him all along, he's the one who has the right to be insecure."

"You've trashed him thousands of times and yet he's been so optimistic for so long. But there's only so much one can take." Said Alice soothingly. " He really does care, Lily. Its obvious to anyone with half an eye. You were just too caught up trying to sort yourself out. "

"He's never actually stopped liking you. You have nothing to worry about." Marlene exchanged a glance with Alice, who understood. " But," she said, with a finality. " We're not going to sit here and tell you about that."

" You'll see for yourself." Alice said firmly. " Just wait. We're going to leave the convincing to James."

"Give him a chance." Marlene said, getting up. " And that's a command. Now get up. We need to work on your hair."

"I'm not doing anything to my hair." Lily protested stubbornly, putting away their conversation as food for thoughts later. " No make up, no fancy hair. I'm going plain and simple."

"And he'll love that." Alice shot Marlene a stern look. The other girl pouted. " You do whatever you want Lily, but listen, lose the guard you have around yourself."

Lily looked up, watching her friend's wise eyes. Alice smiled. " Don't be so closed off."

"But I'm never closed off around him!"

" I mean, let him know how much you feel. Lose that wall. Please? It'll only do you good. I swear. And I speak from experience, don't forget."

Lily smiled at that. Marlene brushed a lock of damp red hair behind her shoulder. " Flirt. Smile a lot. Let go for once. Please, Lily?"

She felt lighter, stomach swooping slightly now. Their words had given her more resolution to end her cowardly ways. Some risks just have to be taken. And this one has to be rewarding. She prayed it would be.

The slow smile spreading over her face made the girls squeal happily. The rest of the time was a whirlwind of drying her hair and moisturiser and perfume, just the routine stuff, and a touch of mascara to make her eyes pop, very light coat but effective, despite her reluctance. And wand in her pocket, she walked out with them, grinning, laughing, happy, confident even... glad her hair had decided to be good today. It looked wonderful.

They popped into the Gryffindor common room, which was strangely crowded, everyone was late today because of last night's activities. But the Marauders were by their usual spot, looking happy as James taught Peter the summoning charm. Not. The little groups of people around them watching looked on amusedly. David, one of the chasers in the team looked up at their arrival and let out a low whistle. "You look lovely today, Evans." He said in a manner of greeting.

It drew the attention of many. The Marauders all looked up and around. Lily bowed her head gracefully in thanks and her eyes flitted to James. He was smirking, confident, smug as if he wasn't bothered by the looks she was getting because he knew this was all his. She looked at Sirius. He winked at her. Remus grinned. Peter looked lost.

" What's the occasion, Lily?" someone else asked, " Going out?"

"Indeed." Marlene answered for her, leaning on Lily's shoulder.

" Wow. Girls day out?"

" Are you getting drunk?"

"Can we come along? I can make it interesting."

Sirius tutted. " Now now, gentlemen. Lily dear has a date with our favourite Quidditch Captain..." And then he added darkly, "Watch your mouth or he'll rip it right off. And I'll assist."

There was a moment's silence in the room. And then everybody was speaking at once. Lily cringed as there quite a few number of shouts of , " Finally!" and ," Took you long enough!" and ," I win! I WIN! Cough up, losers!". She got a pointed look from Alice as if to say, " See? The whole school."

" Alright, quiet." James called over the din and the uproar ceased immediately. " What's with the money exchanges?"

" Bets, dear Prongs." Sirius grinned. " You've just made me a very rich man."

" Charming." He said dryly, glancing at Lily to make sure she was okay. She was watching him softly, smiling. His heart jumped violently.

Guards gone. She was looking at him with adoration.

He grinned to himself and turned away. Was it possible to feel any happier? " Right. Well, thanks for the support. Pete, I'm leaving...Erm..Moony will help you."

" It's okay." The shorter boy sighed, turning his wand in his hand, looking at it resentfully. He stopped long enough to glance up and smile at him and Lily. " Have fun."

Lily smiled back and then moved over to give James a quick kick to the shin. Sirius fell over in quiet laughter, the entire room giggled, and James grinned himself as he understood why he'd been hit. She took out her own wand. " Wormy. " she sighed. " He's been fooling you. You're supposed flick like this." She demonstrated. " What you've been doing is make smoke come out of your rear."

Peter went such a bright shade of red, she almost laughed herself. Lily put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at the other three. " Idiots."

"Harmless fun, Lily. We started out teaching him the real thing."

" And we showed him the hand movement about thousands of times."

" But this is all he's been doing. Eventually even I got tired of correcting him." Remus sighed, closing his book.

" Humiliation is the best teacher." James said, winking at her. She bit back a smile but her lips twitched. That was more than enough for him. " Alright. That's enough time wasted. Come on. "

Glaring at the hoots and whistles from the others, he glanced again at Lily. But she looked completely calm, unfazed. Thoughtful. She stopped him as he neared, a hand light on his arm, a little worry seeping in.

" We're on patrol today." She said, quietly, frowning. " Hogsmeade patrol. "

James looked a little surprised. " Well...I forgot that, really... But then this will be like a Patrol date." He smiled, pointing at Alice. " She's got one of those too, right?"

" I do." Alice smiled. " Frank's arriving at 11. We're on watch as well. Have you forgotten, Lily?"

"I did. Forget, I mean." She ran a hand through her hair, looking confused at herself. " Well. We're late then."

They hurried out, waving quickly at their friends, and took the shorter route to the village. Not exactly ideal conditions for a date. They didn't speak until they reached the starting point of their route for the day.

" Okay, so this isn't exactly relaxing." He sighed. " But that doesn't mean we can't have fun."

"Fun how?" she asked, looking at him sideways as they began a slow trek upwards. " We're supposed to be alert."

"And we will be. But remember what Dumbledore said? We have to be inconspicuous. Blend in. So our disguise for the day is a first date."

"That's a terrible plan."

"Bare with me." He said, pulling her into the Three Broomsticks. The pub was crowded, but they could breathe, and he bought them two portable cups of Butterbeer. He flirted shamelessly with Madam Rosmerta, who blushed but chided him for treating Lily that way. The red head, however found it amusing. Laughing to herself at his completely cheesy dialogues which felled the bar maid easily, they continued up the street. Both of them were on the lookout, slipping only occassionaly. Nothing was particularly out of place. And at that moment, it felt like normal, just patrolling with her friend. Easy. She liked it.

However, lunch found them back in an uncrowded Three Broomsticks, and they had lapsed into a more serious conversation, sipping on more butterbeer. Lily was clutching her glass, and he was currently resting his chin in one hand, watching her carefully. A confident, content smile lingered on his lips. She was taking a minute to watch the people outside, calculating. Sighing, Lily placed the half empty glass back on the table, playing with the ends of her hair absently. This was the first silence between them after coming into the village, and silence meant a lot of things. Like the look she was being given. Steady and inviting.

She had a mind to look away, but that part was history. They'd come so far, it would be unfair to hide again.

She smiled at him suddenly, remembering something. " Tuney's getting married."

His eyebrows shot up. " To...what's his name again? Dursley?"

"Yup." She shook her head and sighed. " I got an invite."

"An invite?"

She nodded, smiling. " An invite to attend my sister's wedding."

"You're supposed to be the bridesmaid." He took her hand on the table, frowning, playing with long slender fingers, lacing them with his absently. They were comfortable around each other very quickly, falling into this little pattern often when they talked, before insecurities kicked in and the moment would be shattered.

But not today. Never since today.

She watched their interwoven fingers, loving it immensely. Petunia could go and do whatever she wanted.

" I couldn't care less." She announced, grinning up at him. " She can do what she wants. I'm not even going."

He smirked back. " Someone's changing."

" It's all your fault." She shot in return. " You and your arrogance are rubbing off on me."

" And you wear it exceptionally well." He said quietly, still grinning, and brought her hand up, pressing a light kiss to the back of it. " It's extremely appealing. You look wonderful, did I tell you that?"

She hadn't expected it, so her breath hitched, but then quickly regained her wits. Lily smiled back, uncaring of the light pink on her cheeks. " Really? Well, flattery will get you nowhere...but thanks?"

" I don't flatter unless I'm flirting. You know that. And I'm being very serious right now. You look really good. A little too good, actually. " he took a second to shoot a glare at something behind her shoulder. " You're getting an awful lot of looks."

" Jealous, James?"

His eyes glinted and he brought her hand to his lips again, looking insanely confident. " Hardly." He rumbled softly.

She turned a little redder this time, heart sputtering at his look and voice ."T-Thanks for the non-flattery then."

"You're very welcome." James hid a frown as her form dimmed. He tore his eyes away from her and flickered them towards the door unwillingly. It was dark outside, throwing the little pub into shadows. He frowned.

It was only 3 in the afternoon.

Lily followed his gaze, and her senses tingled with dread. Unconsciously, his hand tightened around hers.

" Should we...?"

" Probably." He turned back to her again, locking eyes, searching. " Wand ready?"

"Always." She said. " Are you?"

"Been ready since I was born." He ran a thumb along the back of her hand softly, never once breaking eye contact. " Keep safe."

"You too. We're not done here. You owe me another date."

He grinned so brightly, she almost sighed. James looked like he just won the lottery. " Hold onto that thought. Let's go."

They left instantly, catching sight of a pale Madam Rosmerta. The streets were mostly empty, just a few couples, groups of kids loitering about. Everybody was pointing to the sky as dark clouds rolled in slowly, teasingly devouring the patch of sunlight inch by inch. A wind picked up in the streets, making dead leaves fly around aimlessly. People retreated into shops.

"Storm clouds?" She asked quietly, shivering a little.

" I doubt it." He replied gravely. " We have to find Frank and Alice."

"Patronus?"

" Maybe not the best idea if there's someone lurking around." He sighed. " Let's just walk around? Where do you think she is?"

" She said something about Madam Puddifoots. " Lily made a face. He smiled and shook his head," Of course Frank would go there. Best privacy...or not."

"Ick."

Grinning widely, but alert, he led her towards the shop. Lily broke away once to shoo a couple of fourth years into the castle. They left immediately, understanding. Dumbledore had done a dew drills after everyone's return; in the middle of the night, between classes, on a Hogsmeade weekend. So kids knew pretty much what to do and what not to do.

A few members of the defence team were around, and she was thankful for that. They exchanged silent glances and discreet nods, knowing what to do and everyone dissolved to their assigned positions discreetly.

James spotted Alice and Frank a mile away from Puddifoots, walking briskly in their direction.

" Lily!" Alice pulled her into a hug the second they reached other. Frank grasped hands with James, looking slightly more grave than he'd expected him to be. The Chaser gestured at the sky. " Storm?"

"I'm afraid not." Frank replied, sighing. They were walking back briskly. " This is a death eater arrival. I've seen enough to know."

A tingle of fear passed through the three younger teens for a second before their faces set determinedly. Lily glanced at the different shops closing down and people hurrying outside. Spare members of the defence team had returned from their previous positions after casting the protective enchantments and were apparating people to their homes or younger students back to the castle.

"Has someone informed Dumbledore?" she asked.

" I'd sent a patronus earlier. " Frank said. " But he can't abandon school. I bet the teachers are ready."

" This isn't a hoax is it?" Alice mumbled, inching closer to her boyfriend and they grasped hands. Lily could almost feel the warmth they shared, comforting each other; the change was visible on their faces at the contact. It was softly heart warming. Frank Longbottom shook his head again. " I doubt it. There have been rumours of Voldemort coming after the school eventually. I just didn't expect it to be so soon."

" So there's going to be a fight." James sighed, glancing quietly at Lily with worry, but keeping his tone light. " And I'm wearing my favourite shirt. Great."

Frank grinned. " That's the spirit. We have to split up soon. Are you two alright?"

The Head Students nodded. Frank looked between them. " I'm guessing this wasn't a regular patrol...?"

"Nope." James grinned.

"Ah..." Frank chuckled. " Finally. Good going, James."

"Thank you."

Alice grinned wearily at Lily, who smiled back. The wind picked up around them, hair ruffled and shirts billowing wildly.

" Okay. This is it. Remember, Sass always works. Keep your confidence."

They all nodded at the older boy, and he glanced darkly at the sky. " Let's go. Good luck."

"Be careful."

Frank and Alice hurried off towards the left, to cover that area and the other two stayed where they were, wands ready.

The wind picked up some more and Lily conjured up a hair tie to pull her hair back. Nothing should get in her way today.

It was unfair, that they were facing possible death on their first date. And suddenly they both realized how short their lives were, and how little time they had. There was no luxury of waiting or being unsure or taking baby steps. Not for them. Her heart clenched in despair as a stroke of negativity struck her inside.

He sent it knocking away with his next move.

James wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in, kissing the top of her head. " We're a little late."

"I know..."

He pressed another kiss to her forehead.

" Stay alive and I promise I'm making up for lost time." The kiss trailed to the tip of her nose.

Lightening, stomach clenching, she laughed. " Of course. You be careful too, Potter. We'll have to split the second out team arrives."

"I'm dreading that." He mumbled against her cheek, and she felt a warmth inside, all the way down to her toes, effective against the chilly wind. What wouldn't she give for a kiss right now?

But that was too dangerous. Too distracting. To stay detached would be best for now.

There was a movement to their right, and James released her immediately, both of them pointing their wands in the direction of the sound. Ten members of the Defence aparated.

They sighed, but not lowering their wands as the new arrivals put up their hands and stepped forwards as was protocol. James and Lily both had secret charms on their badges, which were hidden in their pockets now, which made the members of the order see the badge glow red through any material except James's cloak. Sirius's little trick. So now, the team knew who they really were at one glance. But one could never be too careful.

" Verification please." Lily called.

One of the seventh years stepped forward. " We come in peace. Members of the Hogwarts Defence Order."

" Where was the first class on tarantulas held?"

" In the pumpkin patches." He answered calmly. " The baby one was named Fergus by Hagrid. Called him Fergy."

James and Lily lowered their wands, glancing at each other. The students rushed towards their head students now that the initial doubts had worn off. James held up a hand for silence. " Split up as discussed." He instructed, looking at each face." Five with Lily, five with me. We go separate ways, but stay close. Do NOT act out of orders. Is that clear?"

They all nodded and split into their regular teams upon his signal. Every single face was grave and ready.

" Okay. You stick to the left." James told Lily, holding her eyes. " Signal if something goes wrong."

She nodded, swallowing. She feared for him, for every single one of them, but with five others under her protection, she simply couldn't show weakness. It wouldn't come even if she tried. Protecting the other five was the only thing buzzing in her mind, coupled with worry for James, but she trusted him.

" Okay. Happy thoughts everyone." She said, breaking away from James and his group, " Possible attack of dementors. Stay positive."

They were walking in their usual pattern, Lily up front, a pair of them one behind the other, on each side of her, a step behind. And the last two shoulder to shoulder, bringing up the rear.

They marched silently, James and his team disappearing into the shadows. Lily took deep calming breaths. Detachment was the key. And suddenly there were pops all around them

The group stopped as seven hooded figures stepped forward together. The wind howled now, ominous as the death eaters maintained strict silence.

Bellatrix came into view, looking delighted. " If it isn't my little victim from Diagon alley!" She shrieked. " Come for another taste of agony, mudblood?"

"She's a pretty one, ain't she?" Leered another hooded figure. " Such a waste."

Lily remained silent, wand at the ready. The students swiftly changed positions to a tight circle of six, shoulder to shoulder. Bellatrix sneered. "I have a gift for you, mudblood." She licked her lips, changing tactics. In this position of theirs, each wizard fought by themselves. That wasn't enough. She needed to get them to follow the girl. And then knock her down. That would obviously destroy the other five. She beckoned to her allies to come up next to her and they followed without question. Lily glared at the other female.

" Our newest addition will stay with me." She announced to her fellow death eaters. "Go."

In a flash, five full grown wizards had begun to send curses and jinxes along their way. The team burst into action, deflecting and parrying, spreading out into a V shape, following Lily's lead. They worked together to keep the five hooded figures at bay. Lily growled. Bellatrix hadn't even joined the fight and here they were having a tough time already.

" On my count!" she shouted to her friends. " Sequence one. Four...three..."

" Rictusempra!" they chorused.

Flashes of red burst from each wand, hitting two of the five surprised death eaters. The duo crumpled to the ground. The three left standing increased their fervour but the students pushed them back. Bellatrix knew that now, it was imperative to send the girl out of commission.

At her signal, the three death eaters attacked all other members except Lily. She was sending spell after spell at them, but they were paying her no attention. She fixed her eyes on Bellatrix. The crazy woman smiled and pushed forward ' the latest addition.' Who had his/her wand raised.

The hood fell away.

" Severus!" Lily gasped.

Snape looked back, looking blank faced. He shot a mild curse at her which she deflected, but barely. Betrayal shot through her heart, tore at her being. She felt a sorrow, she wanted to throw something at him. Cry and scream and sob. How could he? He sent another small spell, and she dodged it, confused. Her mind was torn into two. Was she even supposed to attack? Half of her knew he was the enemy, but the other half recognised him as an old friend. Her best friend.

Her momentary falter was more than enough for Bellatrix, and shrieking, she leapt into action, firing rapid curses at a weaker member. This wasn't normal. Their dynamics were wobbling. " Lily!" someone called. " We need order."

Bellatrix's cackle was the only answer as she and her allies pushed the team away from each other, beginning to break formation.

If she succeeded, Lily wouldn't be able to protect her fellow students.

"Lily." Severus said calmly, but his eyes were stormy. " Surrender now. Its for your own—"

"Incendio!" a vehement blast of flames was sent his way as her eyes burned with tears and anger. And so much rage. Her foolishness had almost cost someone's life. Her teammates were in danger.

" You vile, disgusting human being." She spat, sending strong curses his way. He parried them all, looking pained. She snarled at him. " I hate you so much I could kill you right now. But you're not even worth it."

With one last hex his way, which hit and he flew back, she spun around, eyes blazing, sending multiple jinxes ant every death eater in quick succession, trying and taking control of the battle. They were too surprised at Snape's fall to retaliate.

"Guys! Get behind me!"

The Hogwartians quickly did as she asked, using the momentary shock of the death eaters to get back to their blazing leader. She was looking absolutely scary. Lily took control of the battle again, fiercely defending her team, working together. Bellatrix growled in frustration.

Abruptly, six other wands joined the students and the death eaters were outnumbered. They backed up, Bellatrix shrieking in fury, and simply turned to smoke and shot away.

Immediately grasping hands, the twelve students shot into the castle front. Dumbledore was waiting. He looked up startled as twelve distinct pops were heard. The front corridor had been transformed into an infirmary.

" She's hurt!" Someone called from behind, supporting a sagged figure, the weaker point in Lily's half of the team.

Madam Pomfrey rushed forward immediately just as Sirius, Remus and Marlene burst into the corridor.

" Snape!" wailed another one, " Snape's with them, we saw him Professor!"

" I'm afraid I was aware of that." Dumbledore said quietly. " However, Miss Jonas is rather injured. Let's tend to her first. What happened?"

Lily felt sick. This was her fault. Completely, utterly her fault.

" It was me." She said shakily, looking white and dejected. She couldn't bring herself to look at anyone. " I saw Severus and...lost focus. Slipped up. I'm so sorry, Hannah."

The injured girl merely shook her head and smiled weakly despite her legs having collapsed.

" What were you thinking?!"

She winced as James exploded. Some part of her had expected this; although she was too angry and upset at herself to care.

It had finally happened. Its true. He's with them.

She felt sick, she wanted to cry, kick something. Anything.

" – Freezing in the middle of a fight?!"

She glared at James, temper flaring. She could think of thousands of things to say back.

But none of them could justify her actions. What she'd done was unacceptable. And it was that which kept her mouth sealed.

" James." A lanky boy from her team stepped forward gingerly, " You can't blame her. We would've all died if Lily hadn't—"

" You would've all died if they'd wished for it when she was too busy gaping." He snapped. James looked livid, but strangely, because his face was pale, but eyes blazing. He glared intensely at Lily. " The most basic thing! And you had so many depending on your orders!"

She refused to retaliate, feeling increasingly sick. The fact was, everything he said was right to the dot. How could she have been so stupid?!

If she was so easily thrown, Lily didn't deserve her rank. She'd be incompetent.

Her throat tightened. She looked away from him. In a flash, Marlene was next to her and the boys had moved to James. The curly haired girl held her hand firmly, glaring intensely at James.

" Stop it." She said firmly. " She was just shocked. How would you have felt if your old friend suddenly turned evil?!"

" But it wasn't sudden, was it?" he shot back, fists clenched tightly, eyes flaming. " He's been on the dark side ever since he came here! How blind can you get?!"

Lily hid a wince. She was torn into two, despair at Severus's betrayal creeping from one side, shame and intense guilt creeping up from the other, coupled with and increasing need to shout back at James to relieve herself— which she couldn't do because he was right.

" Oh shut up!" Marlene growled. " You didn't know him like she did! Just because you hated him, it doesn't mean she has to see him the same way!"

" This." James growled right back, sounding increasingly hurt and pained. " is the second time she's nearly gotten killed despite his knowledge. He attacked this time. How many more episodes will it take for you to snap out of it?!"

" Prongs." Remus said, looking stern. " Its over now."

" And then what?" he asked, running a hand through his hair in frustration. " Everything's fine? She almost got herself— got them all— killed."

" James."

All pairs of eyes shot to their headmaster, who had walked over calmly. His blue eyes were fixed on Lily, and she looked away, feeling incredibly ashamed. Marlene's hand tightened around hers, offering some comfort, but she really just wanted to kill herself.

" I understand your concern." Dumbledore said silently, shifting his eyes to the Head boy. James stared right back, unafraid. The old man smiled at what he saw in there. " People make mistakes, James. Everybody falters at some point. Lily is one of our strongest assets. And I firmly believe she is not to be blamed at all. Even I would've performed worse in such a situation. You speak purely out of worry."

James clenched his jaw, unable to let go. Dumbledore was wrong though; he hadn't been worried.

He was terrified.

Eyes turned to Lily once again and she felt her hand go clammy in Marlene's. Her best friend suddenly rounded on her. "Why are you being so bloody quiet?!" she asked nudging her forcefully, " He's yelling at you. Protocol is to yell back, Lily."

" What do you want me to say?" she snapped, " I can't argue here, Marlene. He's right." She swallowed a tiny lump as guilt engulfed her again, looking at James's tense form.

He deflated at the regret in her eyes, feeling remorseful.

Lily looked at the kids who'd been with her, guilt shining brightly in her voice and eyes. " I'm really sorry. That was incredibly stupid of me—"

" We don't blame you, Lily." Said another girl, smiling. " It could happen to anyone. There's nothing to feel so bad about!"

" Yeah, Potter's just being a little too touchy today." Said another rolling his eyes, earning himself a glare from Sirius and James.

" Wrong." Sirius said firmly. " He's being exactly as upset as he should be. I'm just keeping shut to balance him out. But honestly, Lily " he turned to her, looking like he needed a hug, scared and pained. " You scared him. All of us. Don't do that again."

She nodded lightly, looking away. Despite what they all said, she simply couldn't forgive herself. James's words had hit home, and her own conscience was covered in blisters, writhing in agony. " It won't happen again." She promised in a small but firm voice. " I swear. "

" I know." Dumbledore smiled, eyes on the defeated red head. " Move to the infirmary please, all of you. Get checked and pepper ups. Go on."

There was a shuffle as kids left slowly and Lily raised her eyes to the pair of blue ones and found herself X-rayed now more than ever. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus and Sirius talking to James, who had pulled away his glasses and was rubbing his face tiredly saying something quietly.

From date to another argument. Is this all they could do?

" Are you alright?" Marlene asked softly, looking her in the eyes, frowning at what she saw. Lily nodded, but the other girl knew the truth. It was so clear on her face.

" Lily!" called Madam Pomfrey from behind. Lily spun around immediately. The woman bustled over, looking a little hassled. " I'm sorry to ask this of you, but I require some immediate assistance. Professor Flitwick said you're the best at Charms so I—"

"It's okay. I'll come along." She said. "Mar, watch the summons for me?"

Marlene opened her mouth to respond but there was a gasp from behind. The girls spun to see a magnificent silver parrot land in the middle of the field, in front of Dumbledore. Silence fell. The beak parted and a voice spoke.

" Left of Zonkos. Outnumbered. Help."

The bird vanished. Dumbledore looked immediately at James and he nodded. Sirius stepped up after him as he got ready to leave and people got up, hurrying over to the centre, where he stood. About seven students joined them. She would've gone, really. But Madam Pomfrey needed her and she would have to lead the next summons. They were short on high ranked members.

Not that she'd be great at leadership, she thought wearily.

Across the floor, James was meting out instructions. They all nodded, took up their positions and for a split second, his eyes found hers, saying a million things at once. But there was no time to voice them.

They dissapparated. She felt anxiety ball up and sit in her stomach like a heavy lead ball.

" Come." Madam Pomfrey muttered." We have much to do."

She followed the woman, touching Marlene's arm in farewell, and left to do her thing. The infirmary was a long stretch of curtained beds, a lot like their hospital wing, but temporary. She saw many students, some sleeping, others surrounded by friends, talking in low voices. Many of them smiled or waved as she passed. Lily felt really exasperated at herself. Foolishly, she'd allowed herself to wallow in self-pity. She'd made a mistake, yes. But It was never happening again. There was no time for doubting herself here. Lives were at stake.

Madam Pomfrey instructed her on what to do, charms to fix broken bones and heal skin as she bustled about with medicines . Lily admired the woman's professionalism greatly and drew inspiration from it, working continuously and to her full potential; a sort of repentance for her slip up before.

By the end of the first hour, she was tired. Her hands ached. Madam Pomfrey came over, looking relieved and apologetic. " You wonderful girl. " She beamed. " You can rest now, assistance has arrived from St Mungo's."

" How's the scene outside?" Lily asked worriedly, the lead ball rolling around in her stomach uncomfortably. " Did they—did anyone come back?"

The nurse glanced at her pale face, adjusting a bedsheet around a younger student who was sleeping soundly. " No." She said quietly." Not yet, anyway. I expect they'll be back soon."

Lily nodded mutely, watching the fifth year girl on the bed. She had a huge gash along her chest, and her leg was broken, but mended now. The others around her were the same, if not worse. In this one hour, Lily had seen painful winces and grimaces, brave smiles hiding pain, moans and groans of agony; she had felt increasingly sick. And she firmly respected Madam Pomfrey and all other healers for their strength of mind. It was amazing, to be able to treat so efficiently. She almost broke down every time someone winced at her.

Making use of her dismissal, Lily rushed outside hoping to find Marlene, walking briskly through the empty corridor.

She collided abruptly into James.

Eyes widened, heart pounded, Lead ball dissolved into butterflies. Her forehead throbbed where it had collided against his chest. But he was alive. Her mouth was suddenly dry.

He was bloody. Shirt torn, hair a mad mess.

They stared at each other for a second and she remembered his fury from before, the things he'd said. She had accepted his words with a bowed head, and still did. He wasn't wrong, at all. She was mad at herself too for putting so many other lives in danger.

" James—"

But he pulled her into a tight hug, cutting off the rest of her words. His face buried in her neck, arms vice like around her waist. His heart pounded against hers, nearly breaking the ribcage. Relief flowed through her, and she rested her chin on his shoulder, hands fisted on his shirt. For a few precious seconds, they stood simply, a lot of unsaid things flowing from the action, which she didn't understand, but appreciated all the same.

" Is everyone alright?" she whispered.

" More or less."

" Sirius?"

" Cut up, but fine." He mumbled.

There was silence again as she revelled in the embrace.

There was a soft sigh, resigned, " I'm so sorry." He murmured against her cheek and she shivered. " I shouldn't have yelled at you, that was stupid."

" You were right." She said quietly, " I would've yelled at me too. Pretty dumb, almost killing five people—"

" I don't care about the five people." He breathed, vehemence and desperation dripping from his voice as he pulled away, but arms tightening around her, and stared right into her eyes, saying something, willing her to understand. " I was terrified you were going to die. Lily, the people around you were the last thing on my mind. "

Her heart pounded again as he looked deeper, pressing their foreheads together. " It's selfish, I know. But that's how it was." Breaths intermingled. She saw again, the same eyes from last night; overflowing with affection, love, passion. So many emotions. An ache built in her chest. And her lips tingled unexpectedly.

Crack!

The loud sound from outside had them jumping apart, whipping around. About eight students had aparated together, all of them staggering and stumbling over each other. James and Lily rushed outside, watching them all struggle to stand.

" East of the Three Broomsticks." One of them gasped. " Please hurry. Alice and Frank—"

"I'll go." Lily said immediately. Her heart pounded in fear for her friend. But she felt strangely calm. James was tense next to her. " Professor?"

" Go, Lily. " Dumbledore nodded. His eyes stayed on the boy though. " James, you're staying. Get those wounds treated. Immediately."

James swallowed, nodding, protesting inside, but forced to comply. He grasped her hand briefly, a pleading to stay safe, and then she returned the pressure and stepped away. She would come back safe, he told himself. This would soon be over. They'd go on yet another date. They would have time together. Positivity was forced.

Why was his gut tingling with dread?

Eight others bounded forward, taking up positions behind her. She gripped her wand tightly, swallowed her fears, chin up.

Hey eyes landed in his one last time.

"Ready?" she asked her team, still holding his anxious gaze. They all murmured assents. With a pop, the hazel eyes gave way to crushing darkness.

Her lungs expanded as they reappeared right into the middle of a heated battle.

The team of nine instantly set up shield charms, protecting a weakened Alice and Frank and three others. There were about eight death eaters around. The rest of them held up the shield as Lily left to help Alice up. She was bleeding, a cut across her arm, dishevelled and tired. Frank looked worse. There wasn't time to say much to Alice, just a look, and Lily hoped her eyes conveyed comfort. Hope was still there.

There was a shout from the death eaters, and ten more smoke figures swooped in, landing all around them.

Or maybe hope would have to wait.

Their dome of a shield wasn't going to keep them safe forever, she knew. Lily repositioned the team. " You five get inside." She snapped. " We need to pull down the defence. Attack." They obeyed without question. " On three now. One...two—"

The shield charms were withdrawn by five others as the remaining warriors attacked in a flash. They switched to offensive spells as the nineteen death eaters closed in. The group struggled to work as a unit, the sheer number of their enemies was enough to keep their hands busy. Spells fired, shouts intermingling with maniacal laughter. Fear riding high, but courage shining through it. Wands spun, flicked, slashed. Blood spilled. The battle was fierce, every single person using the last bit if their will to stand up. They were outnumbered, and it was a staggering weight on their shoulders. The death eaters were four on Lily's tail, a weakened Alice supporting her. Around four other death eaters had been felled, but that didn't deter them. Everyone was so caught up in the battle, no one noticed the air growing colder, frost accumulating on the ground and on the trees and fence. No one noticed their growing despair until it was too late.

Lily felt her hands tremble.

Dementors.

The momentary surprise gave the standing death eaters an advantage, and a strong blast of something, a huge explosion was sent right into the middle of the group.

They were scattered, thrown in different directions like a firecracker exploding. Lily felt a searing pain in her leg and at the back of her head. For a second, her world was drowned in it, and she blacked out. But immediately regaining consciousness, she registered the delighted screams and cackles of the death eaters. Something moved next to her, but she couldn't open her eyes. Cold seeped through her clothes, chilling her bones, her very soul...something feathery and soft brushed against her fingers.

Fear and adrenaline shot through her, snapping her eyes open. Everything was a confusion. There was a fire in the middle from the explosion, her own team were lying scattered, all down, unable to move but trying desperately. Alice stirred next to her. Frank was struggling to get up a feet away, his nose broken by the looks of it.

And familiar dark cloaks floated among them, tales from her old days that Severus told her ringing in her ears. She felt the cold, the increasing despair. To her left, a faceless figure swooped down over one of the fallen.

"No!"

Her exclamation surprised everyone, unknowingly instilling hope within her friends with her strong voice. The death eaters humoured her by grouping together and watching expectantly, like she was a circus monkey about to do tricks to amuse them. She stood up shakily, balancing on one leg, wand out. Lily searched desperately for a happy memory, fighting to keep her increasing dejection at bay. The dementor straightened.

Someone laughed. " Look at that! Li'l lady gonna take us on her own?!"

"Lie down sweetheart, and let 'em give you a kiss. You'll feel better."

Kiss. Right. Of course. She felt a little faint with temporary releif.

" Call them away!" she shouted, eyes blazing furiously. " Fight back instead of using props you cowards!"

They erupted into laughter, the Dementors all focused on her now. Wonderful. But at least it was a distraction. Her teammate was safe for now. Some of them were beginning to scramble back up behind the death eaters' backs.

"Look at her!" another one cackled. " Try it out, mudblood, go on, we'd love to see you fail."

The entire black cloaked army jeered. Around her, her classmates, her friends, all lay, almost broken. She was weak, tired. But strength would find her. She would do justice to her house, justice to the millions of people who had been killed. She raised her wand resolutely, looking them all in the eye, summoning her pride. Courage.

Happiness.

" I don't care about the five people." Desperate hazel eyes with flecks of gold, tainted with worry and mild panic. But they made her heart swell, as did the words. They searched hers, willing her to understand something she couldn't exactly grasp, but could feel in small amounts, tiny tips of the iceberg slipping past the guards. It was powerful, those tiny slivers making her feel like unstoppable even though the thing itself remained shrouded, an unveiled secret. " I was terrified you were going to die. Lily, the people around you were the last thing on my mind. "

Laughs in the common room, the fire warming her toes, a large black dog curled up on her lap as two other boys danced together to music, giggling between steps, another shorter one watching wide eyed as one dipped the other and then promptly dropped him.

Taking a man and a woman by side-along apparation to the nearby abandoned park, watching the woman cling to her husband as they resurfaced, looking faint, with the man roaring with laughter. Her heart warmed and swelled.

Throwing bread into the lake, looping arms with the girl next to her, finding immense comfort in the familiar feel of her curly haired head against hers as two friends opened their hearts and shared, revelling in the solid fact that they always had each other.

A soft stolen easy touch. Moist, slow, brief. But oh so satisfying and yet strangely addicting, leaving her craving for so much more.

Glowing hazel eyes in dim lighting, all walls down, giving her a glimpse of what she dreamed of, a lifetime's worth of desires and secret wishes and heartaches answered. Something more powerful than she expected.

.

.

.

" Expecto Patronum!"

The brightest silver doe burst from her wand, dancing forth with a grace unmatched. It dashed forward, repelling the retreating Dementors as they scrambled back in its brilliant light. Silence fell among the dark cloaks, as they watched in amazement, the beautiful creature pushing back their army of Dementors.

An Eagle and a Kite joined her, and she felt Alice struggle to stand up next to her. Frank was glaring at the death eaters, wand pointed, the eagle swooping powerfully.

Hope fluttered again.

There was a loud swearing from the black cloaks. The Dementors fled.

Chaos began again as her team scrambled up and shot stunning spells in quick succession. The warmth from the lingering patronuses kindling their hope, they all dived in. Fight, or dry trying.

The doe and eagle and kite disappeared, and were replaced by a furiously fast succession of spells and hexes. The death eaters had let down their guard, and many panicked, disapparating. Some of her own succumbed to injuries again, collapsing, and she worked furiously, driving away the dark wizards from her friends.

Heart pounded. She limped, her head seared in pain. Mouth dry, throat hoarse from shouting.

There was a shout from one figure and the death eaters all suddenly swooped away, black clouds of smoke blasting between the exhausted students. For some reason, Lily thought she heard Professor Flitwick's voice. The dark wizards winded among the brave warriors wildly with cowardly jeers and shouts, their random pattern making it impossible to ascertain their next position.

A movement caught her eye, as a hooded figure suddenly materialised behind Alice and Frank. Fear gripped her heart, cold and sudden. Her eyes widened. A strangled sound escaped her, a hand reaching out in warning—

And suddenly, there was a vice like grip on her arm, and then suffocating darkness.

...

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, Potter, but you'll have to hold still if this going to work. Stop fidgeting."

James sighed and tried to do as Madam Pomfrey instructed. He was full of restless energy, not being able to do anything was making him jumpy.

It had been an hour since Lily left.

Sirius was pacing in front of his bed, hands clasped behind him, pale and tight lipped. James scowled at the sight; it was making his own stomach churn with even more worry.

"Quit it, Padfoot." He snapped. " You're making me nervous."

" There's every reason to be." The other boy almost wailed in reply. " It's been more than an hour. None if them have come back. All our other teams have returned...What's going on?"

" Hell if I know." James said darkly, fist clenching as he was reminded of the facts once again. " If only we could just check..."

" You will be able to if you hold still." Madam Pomfrey interrupted. " I've almost patched you up...just this bit right here. Then you may leave. No, stop moving...there. All done."

James flexed his shoulder which felt as good as new. Thanking the stars, he leapt out of the bed, but the matron stopped him with a hand on his arm. She held out a cup of something. " Pepper up. Drink it, you'll feel better."

He eyed the liquid suspiciously. " How do I know this isn't sleeping draught?"

The woman bristled. " I have no reason to explain that to you. Drink if you must and go find that girl. I want her back here as soon as possible as well. Sleeping draught. Hmph. Preposterous."

"Sorry." He cringed at the sudden change in the older healer; she must be tired. James quickly drowned the glass, feeling refreshed. Adrenaline pumped. His blood flow increased. Strength returned. He gave the matron a most charming smile and a kiss on the cheek. She almost fell over in surprise. " Thank you." He bowed. Sirius grinned and waved at the woman before following his best mate out of the room.

They sped through the corridor, passing recovering students and helping teachers. Outside, Dumbledore was watching the faint horizon, tense, hands behind his back; an unmoving solitary statue.

Remus got up from the side ledge and turned as the two boys burst into the ground; he was looking faint. " How are you?" he asked them, wand fidgeting in his hand, he pointed it at James's torn shirt and it repaired itself clumsily. His gaunt brown eyes turned stormy at that lapse in focus. Marlene was sitting next to where he'd been, face hidden in her hands.

" Alive." Answered Sirius, eyes flitting to the hunched brunette, paling at the implication of a defeated Marlene. Fear for Lily trilled inside, cold and brutal. " What's going on, Moony?"

" There was a patronus as some point, requesting assistance. We sent five, plus two teachers. They haven't returned yet."

" Why are we still here then?" James frowned, stomach doing slow nauseating rolls, heart palpitating. " Shouldn't we be helping if it's—"

" We can't, Prongs." Lupin sighed, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. " All of our forces are down, too many injured. Dumbledore can't leave until McGonagall comes back, and the other teachers are helping around the castle. You have no idea how crazy it got in here." He looked grave and a little resentful. " Everyone inside the castle panicked. There were so many Slytherins using that to their advantage creating a little war of their own inside. Lots of students and teachers had to control that, so we lost numbers quickly. Peter's in the infirmary too."

James felt his jaw clench. Hatred burned for their green-clad fellow students. He watched a still rock like Dumbledore, unmoving, and irritation snapped inside. Sirius was pacing again. Remus had sat down, tense posture and alert eyes contrasting to Marlene's hunched shoulders. Students, tired, recovering, broken ones were scattered around, in little groups, watching Dumbledore, waiting expectantly, ready to go again despite everything. So many worried faces, friends of the ones who hadn't returned despairing, like these four. James lowered his eyes to a rock on the ground, willing it to explode.

There was strangled gasp, a pop. His eyes shot up, his friends jumped to attention. Eighteen injured, collapsing, weakened warriors had materialised, bloodied and torn and... crying?

"Albus." McGonagall rasped, her face deathly white, hair undone, cloak torn. James felt something cold slide down his spine. Sirius whimpered as he failed to locate the vibrant red head among the arrived ones being smothered in hugs by their friends. Dumbledore watched, blank faced.

But his eyes were fierce.

" They've taken three. " Silence fell as McGonagall's voice trembled. Shocked faces among scared ones.

"Lily, Alice and Frank. Dissaparated before we could do anything." Flitwick croaked. There were tears in his eyes.

Marlene moaned softly in dread, sinking even further into the ground.

"James..." Sirius said quietly, a light touch on his arm. Grey clashed with hazel, both tortured, terrified. Helpless.

No.

Helpless? Not again. He'd promised himself, never again.

Instinct was a ray of light, peeking between the intense crushing darkness. A sliver from among his growing grief and anxiety and despair.

He knew if he dissaparated now, he'd find her.

Dumbledore was silent for a torturous minute. Helplessness hung in the air. They didn't know where the death eaters had gone, didn't know how to find them. The old man seemed to age ten years in those few seconds. James was bursting, surety of his gut feeling filling inside. His nerves burned, mind screamed at Dumbledore to speak.

As if he heard the desperate shout, the headmaster turned his head towards the boy. Expectant.

" Speak, James."

"I think I know where they are." He licked his dry lips, hands sweating. " It's purely instinct but—"

"Go." The older wizard turned back to the horizon. " If you find them, send word. But do not put yourselves at risk."

Everybody blinked at this abrupt dismissal. Confused murmurs rose as James felt his eyes gleam. McGonagall looked aghast. " Albus! How rash is this—"

" Please Minerva. James..."

Gratitude flew in bounds for a chance, and he completely ignored the bewildered looks he was getting. Scepticism hid in every mind, except of course, the boys who flanked him. Marlene looked up, tearfully.

" Stay here." He told her softly, knowing that for once, they were on common ground. She felt as much anguish as he did. " We'll bring her back."

Her eyes conveyed trust. She didn't doubt him either.

They dissaparted together with a resounding pop.

"Albus." Sputtered McGonagall after a whole two minutes of stunned silence. " What is the meaning of this?! How could they possibly—"

" Some things, Minerva," the Headmaster sighed, watching the distance again. His tone was quiet but every ear strained to listen, understand. Hope. " are beyond our understanding. Some things are simply above magic. You can never truly explain it."

" That's no foundation to send them into such danger, Albus!"

" I say he is right." Professor Flitwick was watching Dumbledore carefully, confidence on his face. " Some risks have to be taken, Minerva. You know that."

" But—"

She was interrupted by a large silver black dog swooping into the middle of the ground. Sirius's vibrant voice burst forth.

" North Hampshire. Pitchfork woods. He's here. "

Gasps rang around the ground as McGonagall gaped, paling. Dumbledore smiled at her faintly. She blinked back tears.

" Pomona, Filius, Hagrid, alert the ministry, send Aurors. Protect the school. Shall we, Minerva? I believe we have a few students to rescue."

...

The next lungful of air she got was fresh and clear and she knew they were in a forest.

Lily felt something strike her head and she cried out; it throbbed intensely. She was pushed onto the ground, her broken leg stinging sharply as she fell, arm scraping against the sharp stones the forest floor, bleeding where her torn sweater offered no protection. Her eyes refused to open, fighting the sudden pain in her leg and head so she didn't move for a second. Lily felt patches of grass under her fingers, wand tight in one hand. There was a light coating of frost on the blades.

No.

This time, it was too overwhelming. Their numbers too large— she could feel it— laughs and cackles sounded around her. A soft groan from beside. She opened her eyes to murky darkness.

They adjusted, and she saw numerous black cloaks again, all standing in a wide semicircle. From her position, she could only make out a smaller half ring in front of the bigger one, flanking a solitary figure who wore smooth black, unruffled. Something moved, slithered, at that figure's feet.

Things fell into place. Everything clicked. She felt immensely chilly.

"Silence." Said a high pitched, cold voice, imperiously. It made her sick, instilled a fear she'd never felt before. The dementors looked excited. The death eaters fell quiet immediately.

" You have brought souvenirs, I see. No, don't take their wands." The voice continued. " What shall we do with them, Nagini?"

Lily suppressed a shiver, hoping that he wouldn't sic the snake on them. Her eyes closed.

" My Lord," a familiar voice spoke softly, overflowing with reverence. Bellatrix. " That one, the red haired girl, she's a mudblood."

" I see." The voice was thoughtful. " And this girl is...the same one who put you out of commission, Avery?"

There were laughs, as someone mumbled something. Voldemort hummed. " So you have told me before she is fierce. But just how much?"

" Allow me, my lord." Said Bellatrix, stepping forward, but Voldemort seemed to have stopped her. There was a shuffle.

" Avery. " said the voice again, " why don't you try? Get her up, I'd like to see her stand. "

So he wanted a show.

There was a crunch of stones under shoes as someone approached her. Anger flared inside Lily, heightening her senses. Her eyes snapped open, burning. Someone crouched over and reached out a hand.

" Don't touch me." She growled and hit back the hand with surprising fervour.

Voldemort wanted fierce? He'd get fierce.

The Voice laughed, seemingly delighted. " Delightful. Step away, Avery. Let's see how she bares."

She attempted a silent healing charm on her leg, and it throbbed and mended weakly. Unstable but okay for now. Lily rose, stumbled but stood firm. She raised her wand, pushing hair away from her face. And she saw the most horrible sight.

A bald head, white, snake like eyes and slits for nose, cold, ruthless and just malicious. The rest of him was shrouded by the smooth black robes. The inhuman eyes stayed on her, never leaving, calculating. She felt the fear, felt her knees tremble at the initial shock.

The mouth twisted into a sneer.

Her pride flew back in, a whirlwind of ferocity. They could kill her, torture her but she would not bow down. Lily glared back.

" Good. Look, she is standing... Avery."

And he fired before she could react. There were jeers and laughs as she hit the floor, a buzzing in her ears. Her stomach stung where she'd taken the hit. She could see Alice and Frank, both still down, unable to move for they were simply exhausted. Her heart throbbed. She got up again, struggling. Glaring.

Avery sneered. Fired. She blocked expertly.

He shot again, and she deflected.

His face twisted into a scowl and a rain of hexes came her way. Lily replied just as fast. They were prowling in a wide circle, only she was limping. Avery fired again and again and again and she merely deflected them one by one, moving in the round path. She pressed the death eater to attack violently at her without a stop. At one point, she knew she was right in front of Voldemort.

A quidditch match came to her mind.

Avery cursed. A jet of blue sped from his wand.

She ducked.

There was a crack, and multiple gasps. Avery had frozen and she used the moment to shout," Stupefy!"

Her stunning spell was so strong, the death eater took the hit to his chest and hurtled backwards, hitting a tree and sliding down, unmoving. Unconcious. Lily whipped around at the silence behind her, a protective stance in front of her fallen friends. She glared at them all furiously. Blood roared in her ears.

Voldemort was unharmed by Avery's attack.

" Shame." She said, pointing her wand directly at him. " I was hoping he got you. Maybe left a mark where your nose should've been. Would've looked pretty."

Did she just insult the darkest wizard of all times?

I'm a dead woman. She thought as the death eaters all growled and bounded forwards. But at least I'm going down with a score.

Voldemort held up a bony hand, long pale fingers stark against the darkness in the background. His army froze. The snakelike face smiled at her mirthlessly. " I am impressed. Bellatrix, would you like to have a go?"

The former student made a happy noise. " Oh Thank you, my lord!"

" Let's test her endurance." He murmured, beckoning the female death eater forward. " You say you never got a chance to...ah...unleash at your fullest. By all means, relieve yourself." His eyes watched Lily closely.

She knew he was hunting for any trace of fear. And by God, she was terrified. She was scared she would die, she was scared she would never see her friends and family again and it crushed her. She feared for Alice and Frank, she feared for the world. Tuney would probably be glad she died.

She'd probably never see James again.

And instead of destroying her, that thought gave her strength. He wouldn't have been weak. He would've called Voldemort a choice few names and gone down in style. Maybe she'd die, but she'd do it well. Take someone with her.

She regretted not having gotten any time with him. But if she was dying for a good cause, then so be it. She'd lived a good 17 years. She'd fallen in love. Not bad.

17. Bloody hell, I'm too young to die.

But to hell with that. She smiled at Bellatrix. " Hi, Bella."

Bellatrix sneered back. " Potter's been rubbing off on you hasn't he?" she flipped a lock of curly hair over her shoulders and surveyed the girl. " I wonder how he'd like it if he could hear you scream all the way from here...make it loud, mudblood."

Lily took a deep breath.

" Incendio!"

" Reducto!"

The spells clashed head on, creating an explosion. Lily struggled to stay on her feet as the sudden blast of wind whipped her hair back. She straightened.

" Pefrificulous totatus!"

But the red head parried it with a growl and sent a rather violent blast of fire her way. Death eaters behind Bellatrix scattered to avoid it. And she cackled. Lily felt her leg tremble slightly and panic hit her for the first time.

There was a furious shriek from the female death eater and she was suddenly too close, pushing her back effectively. Lily stumbled, her weak leg a hindrance. She was forced back a few staggering feet, the cheers and shouts from the deatheaters deafening.

Up close, Bellatrix's eyes gleamed and she suddenly pointed her wand at the fallen Frank.

Lily reacted. She hit her with as much force as possible but Bellatrix dodged and–

" Diffindo!"

Pain sliced through her stomach and she yelled, felt something warm and sticky drenching her sweater. Spots danced in her vision. She could hear the jeers as a low buzz only. A blow landed on her chest and she hurtled back, finally on the ground with a grunt.

Her ears unplugged. There was triumphant cheering. Sickeningly, her eyes opened to the side to see Alice and Frank looking at her with pure fear in their eyes. Dementors shifted restlessly behind her. She looked back, hoping her face was brave.

" Crucio!"

It wasn't like the last two times when the whole torture had been barely a few minutes. This was longer. More effective. Stronger. Bellatrix seemed to be getting her back for some long forgotten blow. It wasn't pain; it was agony. A sort of anguish. She did scream at first.

But then remembered Voldemort was watching.

She clamped her mouth shut yet again.

She knew she couldn't hold on. At some point, she'd fall unconscious and for once that would be a welcome release. The agony was gut wrenching. So much pain. So much despair. The Dementors ghosting behind her circled, and she knew they were partly the reason she was so weak today.

She wondered if it would ever stop. It burned so much, every inch on fire, and then it was mind numbingly cold; but the cold burned her too. Her lungs wanted to burst in screams but she refused. Simply because she was herself, and they didn't deserve even one of her cries or tears.

She thought of her Dad, whispering words of encouragement in her ear when they were younger, telling her mean kids weren't worth her tears and that her hair was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Another shot of pain injected up her spine, she writhed, but jaw clenched stubbornly.

Blackness came and went.

Yet another dose lashed out on her, creeping through her bones, making her head nearly explode.

She thought again of James. Held on for that memory. Let other memories find her too. Sirius, Remus, Marlene.

But the pictures were weak; sounds in the memories feeble. Something feathery whispered against her knees again. Everything turned infinitely colder.

And the pain stopped.

It was even worse than before. Like muscles screaming after continuous strain.

There was silence. Bella must've been called back. Lily opened her eyes and knew the dementors were close to her now. Bellatrix stood a few feet away looking furious at her and a trickle of triumph tickled her heart. She had embarrassed the death eater in front of her beloved master.

Something glinted in the woman's eyes, malice, and she did the worst she could possibly do to Lily in her state.

She pointed her wand at Alice.

All thoughts of victory faded, replaced by a cold. Fear. The ghost like figures around her moved closer and she watched wide eyed as Bellatrix sneered, knowing she won.

" Crucio."

Her tone was calm but Alice's screams were not. It was bloodcurdling, to hear that. Sickening to watch her small body convulse in agony. Hear her shrieks. Lily forced herself to sit up, feeling nausea surface. Alice's voice cracked; the tortured sound ripping through her soul, and she saw Frank clench his eyes shut in defeat, droplets of water down his cheeks, look away, expression tortured and heartbroken as he was forced to listen to her uncontrolled cries of anguish. Forced to listen and helpless to stop it. Lily felt her own eyes fill to the brim and then topple over. She wished, almost begged the wand back on herself.

Because this was torture.

" Stop!" She croaked, surprising herself. " just stop—"

" No, Lily." Frank rasped as Bellatrix stopped for a moment to mockingly acknowledge Lily's cry. The older boy looked furious. His eyes were full of tears but they'd burned, flames high as he glared at the woman torturing his very breath. Loathing emanated off of him. He looked at Lily sharply and her tears ceased. Breath caught.

He was in so much pain, but he was holding on to honour Alice's pride. All their dignities. There would be no begging. " Don't give it to them, Lils."

He took away her voice because when Alice screamed again, she wanted to plead, but she couldn't.

She had begged. They had broken her so easily.

Her eyes fell on Frank's stoic face again and she knew, that she was never strong. Because he was strength, endurance. She knew at the back of her heart that if Alice was James or even Marlene or Sirius or Remus, she would've done anything to make it stop.

" Enough, Bellatrix." Said the cold voice and he was watching Lily quietly. Bellatrix stopped with one last scream from her victim and stepped toward him reverently. " My Lor—"

But he held up a pale glowing hand to stop her. She fell silent immediately. " Bring her here. " he instructed.

Ropes bound around her arms and torso and she was lifted off the ground and floated to the centre of the arena. She glared intensely at him, hatred evident. Voldemort regarded her with interest.

" You, have talent." He mumbled, almost talking to himself. Eyes flicked to the cut on her stomach that had stopped bleeding abruptly. " Yes...abundant talent for a muggle born. Too much talent to waste."

The death eaters all stilled, looking at their master with uncertainty.

" I have a proposition, Mudblood." He said, circling her quietly. She followed the snake slithering after the dark wizard obediently. Voldemort paused. " A proposition you will consider carefully. You are being given the honour of joining us."

There was an uproar as the deatheaters protested loudly. Voldemort held up his wand. " Silence."

" We refuse to take in a mudblood , my Lord." Said one rather vehemently. " We will not sta—"

His sentence was cut of by a tortured scream and she watched the man collapse. Voldemort lowered his wand calmly. " You will do as I say." He muttered. " Now, mudblood. I'm sure we can find you a place somewhere among our lower ranks. Very low, but still a part of us all the same. You should be honoured. Either accept, or watch your friends meet death in the most terrifying way possible."

He waved a hand and dementors floated around Alice and Frank. Lily looked at them from across the clearing and met Frank's eyes.

Don't. He was glowing from all the way there, and she knew their fate was sealed.

" You, Tom, can go and stick it where the sun doesn't shine." She snarled, whipping her wand to the front. " I'd rather die, thanks."

Voldemort's eyes lost all inklings of tolerance. He turned so cold, she knew it was over.

They'd all die.

" Let her watch. Let her try and save them. " Voldemort said, stepping back I to the shadows. " Nobody move. Just enjoy the show, my faithful servants."

Lily grasped at straws. Memories didn't come to her as easy.

How could it? It was all over anyway. She could do with eternal rest by now. They were weak, no possible means of escape. Not a single chance of survival. What was there to fight for?

" You have a thing for walking into me, don't you?" laughing hazel eyes sent her heart flying and she grinned back. His hand tightened around her arm, the other clutching his broom. He looked vibrant, happy. Simply alluring.

She wanted to see him again. See all of them. Just once.

" E-Expecto Patronum!"

The silver doe emerged, but dim and less energetic. It danced over to the dementors surrounding Alice and Frank. The young wizard had crawled over and hid the girl's face against his chest, wand pointed at the Dementors, but he was succumbing to his exhaustion, the effect of the Dementors. The dim silver doe from far away prompted him to try. For one minute, an Eagle emerged, flickered, and then died. It never came again.

She knew it was up to her now. But she longed for some help. Some of the ghostly figures were approaching her, sending cold shivers into her body, negativity seeping in as the death eaters laughed at their plight.

Her doe flickered. She'd never be happy again. There was no reason to.

But stark against the darkness, three of the most glorious patronuses ran into the clearing.

A large Dog, a lone Wolf, and a magnificent Stag.

Lily heard gasps and felt them herself. Her own patronus glowed brightly without her realizing it. The Dog landed right in front of her, butting against the Dementors coming her way while the Stag and The Wolf left to help the now vibrant Doe.

She watched, open mouthed as James, Sirius and Remus emerged from the darkness, eyes fixed on her and occasionally darting to Alice and Frank, and she felt the immense relief, a tsunami inside, Hope squealing and laughing and flying around, joyous at being freed.

Hazel eyes glinted, raked over her form quickly, hardening at the cut on her stomach and forehead. They rested in hers, fierce, relieved, but blazing.

Panic among the death eaters was instant. A lot of them in the larger back circle dissaparated. Shouts and pops and whooshes echoing as they fled.

" They've found us!"

" My lord, we must leave immediately—"

"Quiet!" the cold voice said imperiously and the three boys froze where they were, eyes darting around. There was a ripple in the sky and death eaters couldn't disapparate anymore. Lily couldn't move no matter how much she wanted to. The five feet distance between them was unacceptable. It had to be destroyed. In the light of the patronuses, the remaining death eaters flew swiftly, enclosing the boys in a circle as well. The Marauders moved, Remus hurrying to the fallen two, Sirius halfway between. James was beside her the next second, and his arm wrapped around her waist, drawing her into his side, taking her weight. Warmth exploded in her stomach and her heart soared and sang of relief and joy, nearly bursting out of her chest. The moment felt so unreal, she clutched his shirt tightly, afraid of letting go. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Did it even matter if it was?

She was drunk with happiness. Her tired head rested against the side of his chest lightly and she must've sighed. The arm tightened around her, lips pressed against her hair briefly. Her chest ached with longing.

Voldemort stepped out from the shadows, eyes gleaming.

" Ah... new toys. " he said softly. The death eaters tittered. " Welcome, boys. I see you have chased away our friends. Shame." He walked casually into the middle of the ground. The snake followed, silent and deadly. " What shall we do with these heroes now? Mulciber, you seem to have something to say "

" Kill them." The former Hogwarts student rasped in his gravelly voice. " I have a score to settle anyway." He leered at the girl tucked away under James's arm. " You need to be punished for giving me a scar, mudblood. "

" Right." Sirius scoffed. All eyes turned to him, and suddenly Lily wished he'd stop speaking. Recklessness was radiating in waves from his posture. " As if you'll touch her. "

" Want me to show you, Black?"

" Try. You'll drop dead in a millisecond." Sirius twirled his wand carelessly, eyes gleaming. " I couldn't care less about conscience, Mulciber. I'm out for blood today."

A few death eaters scoffed, while a few remained silent at the darkness that suddenly rang from the boy. Bellatrix cackled.

" You?" she sneered. " You're going to kill? I'd like to see that, cousin."

" You might, Bella. The same blood runs through our veins, do not forget."

Voldemort's mirthless laugh interrupted Bellatrix's retort, and she went back to staring at her master with adoration. He walked up leisurely towards Sirius and Lily suddenly felt energy burst inside. She bounded forward unconsciously but James's grip tightened.

No. No, no, no!

Her breath caught.

Sirius looked calm. Voldemort stopped quite a few feet way from him.

" Your bravery is admirable, young man." The cold voice praised quietly. " But I am afraid, you will not leave alive tonight. Your friends will die. So will the girl. So will you."

"And I am afraid you don't know who you're talking to." He smiled. Grey eyes flitted over to Lily's terrified form wrapped tight in his best friend's grip. They sparkled. She shook her head in warning. He locked eyes with James and they both smiled faintly.

" Once upon a time," announced Sirius in a loud voice, surprising the death eaters. " There was a very foolish old baldy called Rom Tiddle."

An explosion behind them made all death eaters shriek as numerous other wizards suddenly materialized. Confusion prevailed but Lily saw Sirius slip away after Mulciber. There was chaos as good mixed with bad, fights in every corner. Her eyes tunnelled on an unmoving figure in the middle of the commotion.

Voldemort was suddenly glaring at them.

There was a blast of something, and the two teens were pushed back ruthlessly into the deeper forest, both of them taking the hit. They scraped the floor, stopping a few feet from each other. Lily felt her head throb, eyes pulse. She couldn't move anymore. The wound in her stomach bled again she felt her wand had slipped from her fingers, blasted to the side. James groaned, getting up.

A red light, a grunt, and he hit the floor again. She opened her eyes, dread filling her being.

" Thought you were clever, leading them to me." The cold voice said, and she heard emotion in it for the first time. Anger. " You shall die. But maybe Bella wants to play first?"

There was a high pitched giggle. Pain shot through her body again, intensified by exhaustion. And she screamed loudly this time. Loud. Louder than ever. Letting the agony consume her.

For someone might hear. Someone might come.

So she screamed.

" No, Stop it." James coughed, his voice broke." Stop, please. What do you want from me?!"

" This. This is exactly what I want, Potter. " Bellatrix sneered. " This torture on your face. Crucio!"

And her limbs exploded with agony. James was saying something next to her, there was a shuffle, a bang, and he stilled. She couldn't hear much over her own screams. She couldn't open her eyes to see.

A pause. Rest. Her throat was hoarse from screaming, each breath a painful effort. She felt someone half crawl, half drag themselves over. James stood, in front of her form and all she could see were colourful lights behind her eyelids, sounds of spells clashing head on. Someone else yelled. There was thud, a flash and then James had suddenly fallen right on top of her.

It hurt, but he'd managed to push himself up before he did much damage to her. Their chests pressed together, he balanced himself on his forearms, forehead pressed against hers. She opened her eyes to a sky of beautiful hazel, dotted with gold, shining, shimmering as she watched. They spoke of love, longing, regret; a wistfulness, an apology. Defeat. But a smile as he gazed into her own orbs of green.

She knew they would die. He did too. But neither cared as they wolfed down the last few minutes they had together.

" I've dreamt of this position, but admittedly, not under such circumstances." He murmured and the rest of the world faded away. Nothing else mattered, or existed but this wonderful man, and his wonderful voice and beautiful eyes that smoothened every crease she had to go through today.

The darkest wizard of all times was just a few feet away, but she couldn't remember his name. She didn't care.

A slow smile curved her lips and she raised a hand to touch his cheek, fingers brushing lightly. Everything was crumbling, and this was all she had. His eyes fluttered at her touch. " James, get off. They can't hit me like this." She murmured.

" Exactly." He whispered, his nose tapping against the side of hers to enhance his point. " I know Miss Independent wants to strangle me right now. But humour me just this once, Lily."

She watched the hazel sky turn sparkly with moisture. Her heart jumped crazily at the sight. " James—"

" Don't. Just let me spoil you at least once." He murmured, watching her face, softly, the heat from his eyes raising goosebumbs over her skin.

They were about to die and here she was fighting butterflies in her stomach.

But that was so rebellious, completely ignoring the dark wizards and their efforts, showing them they meant nothing; she loved it.

Lily dived into his gaze once again and stayed, basking in the glow.

"How sickeningly sweet." Came a shriek of laughter.

James stilled suddenly. His jaw clenched under her fingers, eyes widened, and he went stiff. Pale. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

She felt like crying this time. Almost did.

He let out a shuddering gasp as the curse lifted, and his head dropped to her shoulder in exhaustion. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the pain as her own. Hating it. Hating them. Hating her helplessness.

" We'll just let you die on her, Potter." Bellatrix giggled madly. " Then we'll get her."

" James, " Lily whispered brokenly, unable to hold back her tears. " Just move. It's me they want. "

There was laughter in the background, talking. She didn't understand. Didn't want to. A slow fury unlike ever before was building, fuelled by the hurt pride of a woman, the torture of having to watch the ones you cared about go through such pain, helplessness, a love that looked lost; destroyed before there was a chance to explore.

"I know it's you they want." He whispered. " That's why I'm still here, you idiot."

" I'm stronger than you, Potter." She whispered back, running a hand through his hair tiredly. There were more sounds in the background, a flash of blue in the sky and she knew no one would be able to find them with Voldemort's enchantments around them, but she didn't care. As long as he wasn't taken away, everything would be fine. " I can take it. So get off."

" I can't, Lily." He murmured, raising his head. The sky of hazel was back. They looked like they were seeing something enchanting, darting around her face, tracing each curve, imprinting it to memory. A thumb brushed at a tear. Her fury increased at his defeated sigh and resigned smile and increasing water in that sky. " Don't cry now. You're stronger than me. But I can't watch you being tortured. I'll break." His voice cracked and her heart shattered. His face dropped to hers. Mouth hovered over her own but never descended, voice nothing above a whisper." I'll beg, I'll end up doing anything. I'll lose all my pride, all our dignity. I won't watch them do that to you."

There was a cackle of laughter and a shout of a spell she'd heard before.

James gasped. Tensed. Something wet flowed from his back, drenching his shirt, dripping onto her sweater, mixing with the stains of its own kind on it smoothly.

Blood.

And it wasn't stopping. The hazel sky disappeared as he closed his eyes in pain.

The spell came to her. Sectusempra. Snape's invention. There were more laughs and cold chuckles as the curse worked.

" This is what you shall get. And we're far from being done with you, children." Voldemort whispered coldly, the smile on his face resonating in his words, loud, as if he was speaking in her ear.

The building fury inside her quickly transformed into a hot ball of something. She felt herself accumulate a sort of energy, the last of her left over magic, without a wand to contain it. Her fury knew no bounds, and it tipped over the final bits of powers inside. What happened next, she didn't know. Somehow she needed to get help, get the others here, expose their position. James was bleeding. He could die. They hurt him. Her friends were all nearly dead.

They'd pay.

Certain things are just above magic.

And she exploded.

Something escaped her, she felt the tingles all over her, skin on fire. Her trembling hand pushed away hair from his damp forehead. James opened his eyes wearily. " What did you do?"

She shrugged, eyes drooping. Faintly humming the counter curse with her hand on his face, hoping against hope that it mended. She forced it to. She forced her abilities to work without a tool. Magic came naturally when she was littler. It had to come naturally now.

He wouldn't just bleed todeath.

There was a bright light in the sky above. Voldemort's furious scream resonated and the two teens looked at each other wide eyed.

" You crossed a line today, Tom." Dumbledore's voice was thunderous and terrifying.

James rolled off to the side, landing on his back, knowing everything would be alright. Warmth was back around them again, his back seemed to have stopped bleeding. He reached over and took Lily's hand firmly in his. Pops sounded. She got up, with amazing endurance, and kneeled by his side. She saw around five Aurors and Dumbledore, looking absolutely furious as he pointed a wand at Voldemort. People were aparating into the area, increasing in numbers and Bellatrix was holding off five of them on her own.

A jet of green erupted from Voldemort's wand and a red one from Dumbledore's in reply, clashing head on. The explosion made her hair fly behind, cloaks billow, as the dark wizard and the good one fought, both pressing. Neither giving in. Voldemort's face was twisted into one of fury.

With a sudden movement, he directed the clashing beams at them.

Many things happened at once. The movement had everyone gasp as it flew at them. From behind the bright light of the spell coming towards them, as if time had slowed, she got a glimpse of Voldemort's intense glare, and his escape into black smoke. The beam drew closer; she had no time to do anything.

The spell never reached them.

Lily looked behind her to see Minerva McGonagall holding her wand out, looking horribly dishevelled, but stoic. There was silence until the last of the smoke cleared against the shield charm.

Peace broke. People ran into the clearing. Talks, shouts, but calm sounds that felt familiar. There were silent spells and loud ones, yells of ," They're alive!".

Lily looked down at James to find him already watching her. With each pounding of her heart, she registered that they were alive. Safe. They had a chance. Another go. But it didn't feel real.

This wasn't over. She wasn't just fine. Shock would settle in eventually and she'd be a mess when it did.

People crouched around them, there were hands touching her... a blanket? Cloak. Someone thrust her wand back into her free hand. Sirius , she realized, but didn't— couldn't— turn to see.

James Potter, that bloody idiot, grinned at her from behind exhaustion, and as if they hadn't just been inches away from death...he winked.

Euphoria filled her entire body, making her go weak. She opened her mouth to say the words, speak, let him know. But her eyes must've done the talking, must've screamed the words reverberating in her head, inside her heart, all over her bones. His eyes shone with understanding and joy. The hand around hers tightened.

I know. It echoed. I love you too.

...

Hogwarts was quiet.

Never before had the school seemed so abandoned on a normal day, but here it was. In the early hours of Monday morning, Dumbledore returned with six half dead students and various others.

The infirmary was full. Bursting almost, with the casualties from the whole ordeal. Remus and Sirius were admitted immediately and James had been whisked off by a very horrified Madam Pomfrey. Lily was taken too, to the temporary wing and treated.

She didn't want treatment. She wanted James and some sleep.

Okay, so lots of sleep.

Lots and lots of sleep.

But she couldn't. Her stomach was patched up, she was given something bitter to strengthen her muscles from the Cruciatus curse, many, many people visited her and gave her kisses and pats and hugs but she couldn't stomach it; and once her forehead had been deemed fine, she shot up and left. Madam Pomfrey insisted she stay but Lily argued she'd feel better in her own bed.

The truth was, she couldn't bear to be around so many people in pain right now. She needed space. Time. She was on the verge of breakdown. She needed to be alone and let it out before anything else. Being in the hospital wing would hinder that and she needed to cry.

Just let go, because this was a little hard to take without tears.

Besides, the matron had more than enough to look after. Lily dropped by Marlene's bed and she felt her eyes sting at the bandages around the curly head and long legs. They talked. She ignored her sleep and spent a good half hour clutching her best friend's hand and just talking. Not about what had happened, because Marlene looked just as ready to break down, but about random things. The colour of the curtains, Marlene's hair, Transfiguration essay they were forgetting about.

It helped. Until she stopped by Sirius and Remus, both playing chess in the hospital wing. She watched, held Sirius's hand for a long time, laughed at his moves. She shared a quick game with Remus. But they helped and yet broke her all at once. The scratches on their arms and face, Sirius's scary gash across his chest, Remus and his cracked rib.

Alice was sleeping soundly. Frank looked up at Lily from the nearby bed, and smiled brightly. She didn't understand the luminescence in him.

Everyone was alive but there was so much darkness.

She needed to leave.

But she had to see one more person. Walking quietly among the numerous occupied beds, she collected herself long enough to survive another blow to her injured optimism. What would she say to him after something as intense as what had happened? How was she supposed to act, what to do? She was vulnerable, exposed. Brittle. Lily paused by where she knew his bed to be, and peeked from behind the curtains. James had his legs swung over the side of the bed, sitting as if he was about to get up, but then got distracted.

He was staring out the window again.

" Pssst."

The Chaser jumped, eyes wide. His hand landed over his heart as he spotted her head from among the curtains, and sank into his pillows. His eyes glinted. " You idiot." He sighed in a manner of greeting.

And just like that, things fell into place.

" Yes, its good to see you too." She rolled her eyes and stepped inside, sitting on the chair beside his bed. One of her knees were caught between his, and he looped his ankles around her feet, leaning forward. James had bandages all over his torso, visible from behind his half buttoned shirt.

She remembered the blood dripping onto her sweater, his gasp of pain. Helplessness.

Their hands laced together unconsciously. He grinned. " Going somewhere?"

" Bed." She said, searching his face for any trace of fear, any inkling of the negativity inside her.

He looked scarred. Changed. But bright and warm. The darkness inside melted slowly.

He reached over and traced her bandaged forehead with his free thumb, skimming over the material, moving along her jaw. She smiled at the leaps her heart was doing.

" Bed." He repeated. " What a coincidence, me too."

" No, you're staying here." She couldn't have her release if he was around too.

" No, I'm leaving. My bed is tons comfier." He said quietly, and leaned over to kiss her forehead firmly. " Besides, " his lips brushed along her jaw, " Someone needs a pillow tonight." Paused at the corner of her mouth. She couldn't breathe. " And I need a kiss."

She laughed quietly, pushing him away, breathless. " We're in the hospital wing. People are sleeping—"

" What's so noisy about that? Lily, I said kiss, not—"

" Don't you dare finish that sentence."

He pulled her back to his face." Okay. " he grinned cheekily against her jaw. " You're not very fond of PDA, are you?"

" I hate it."

" That's going to be a problem."

" A problem you'll just have to deal with." Her fingers curled around his shirt as his mouth pressed against her jaw again. Slow and promising. The thumb ran along her ear, her stomach clenched in anticipation at the moist touch. " James. Let go. "

" That would sound more convincing," he breathed against her neck and her eyes fluttered closed, " if you actually pushed me away. But here we are."

She pulled herself out of intoxication, and shoved.

James gasped, mockingly, and clutched his heart. She sank into the chair and glared at him for the thundering heartbeat in her ears and the clenching in her stomach.

James scowled back and prodded her forehead with a finger, eyes sparkling with happiness despite the way his face was twisted. " Alright, let's go already. I want some sleep."

She got up, removing herself from his grip, and snuck out, glancing back just once. James followed silently and they escaped into the corridor. Madam Pomfrey must've been sleeping. They slinked through the moonlit corridors and the darker ones lit only by occasional torches.

Baltimore was startled.

" Good, Lord!" he gaped quietly, " I didn't expect this much!"

"Neither did we." Lily murmured. "Hatchlings. Can we please go inside?"

" Of course, of course. Just...knock inside if you need anything. "

" Thanks, old man."

" I will have you know I am merely—"

" Yes, I know." James rolled his eyes as Lily clambered through the hole. He winked at the portrait. " You're in pretty good shape for a 100 year old bloke."

Baltimore sighed. " Just go in. "

James complied quickly, feeling the hole shut behind him. Lily was a few feet away, waiting, and she turned around as soon as he stepped through. They traversed along the small corridor, light footsteps echoing. Lily knew her legs were like lead, she felt like dropping down on the floor; but she was dusty and muddy and blood stained. Pushing open the door, she stepped inside, knowing he'd follow. She would have to shower before bed if she didn't want to—

A hand yanked her back and lips crashed against hers.

It was hard, fierce, his hand knotting in her hair, and an arm wrapped tightly around her waist, drawing her closer as his mouth worked with fervour on hers. Her lips parted in a soundless moan and he tasted them thoroughly, growling because it simply wasn't enough. Hands never strayed, he never actually crossed the line and she knew he was holding back. She was too.

The fact was, she simply couldn't remember to breathe.

The fierce touch softened, and he pulled away abruptly. Her eyes opened and she shivered at the smouldering look in his eyes. It was something she'd never seen before but it set her insides on fire, burning with anticipation and forbidden desire. James looked incredibly comfortable, breathless slightly, heart beat frantic, but cocky, confident.

" You said no public displays." He reminded her huskily as she began to speak. " This was private."

He had a point. Their breathing intermingled. His hands unknotted from her hair and suddenly she realised they were supported against the door with his back pressed to it, her weight on him.

" Don't lean." She tugged at his shirt to straighten him. Her own voice was light and breathless, but she didn't care. " It'll hurt later."

" Right. Okay." He said simply, straightening. Hazel eyes gleamed and he twisted.

She was the one pressed up against the door now.

" Better?" he breathed, laughing quietly at her dilated pupils and erratic heartbeat. She couldn't move even if she wanted to, his hands travelled along her arms and he kissed her temple, traced his lips along her jaw, kissed the corner of her mouth and heard her breath hitch. His fingers ran from her waist, along the side, and rested on her neck, other hand tracing a pattern on her hip. She wasn't inhaling.

" Breathe, love." He murmured against her mouth, feeling incredibly pleased at her reactions to his simple touch.

Strong tingles ran along her chest, down to her lower abdomen. Her hand was fisted in his shirt at his chest, helpless. He'd stolen her breath with his touch, her senses with his look. She was a melted puddle of goo about now.

How undignified. He'd probably never let her live this down; but she didn't care.

This time his mouth descended on hers painfully slowly, testing, a soft touch against her lips before firmly locking them together. His tongue attended to her lower lip, and she shivered pleasantly. Little kisses like these, soft and slow and leaving her craving for more. Hands moved, roamed along her sides, traced lower, but stayed behind the line. She couldn't remember what to do. She didn't have to anyway. James was showering her with attention and she'd focus on lapping it up for now.

He shifted, a hand tipped her chin back, and his tongue slipped inside her mouth easily.

She lost herself about then, only aware of incredible satisfaction and pleasurable strokes feeding her insides. He was warm inside her mouth, exploring lavishly, teasing her own tongue and then slipping away. A nibble on her lip, to let her catch her breath, and then he came back for more, strokes increased, more arduous, sweet and moist. The little sounds escaping her from deep inside were the most rewarding things he'd ever heard.

James pulled away for a second to let her breathe. His lips never stopped, moving back along her jaw and nibbling on her ear. His breathing was ragged, voice amorously husky." If I told you I loved you, right now, what would you do, Lily?"

Pleasant tingles and shivers ran across her entire body. Goosebumps erupted on her skin. She laughed breathlessly, heart dancing happily.

" I doubt there's much I can do." She swallowed, pushed further against the door as he pressed closer, lips finding hers once again. Slow, languid kisses prevailed, and the fire in her stomach burned strongly.

She returned the favour abruptly, hands knotting in his hair, finding her strength enough to press herself closer and award him with little passionate kisses.

His heart rate skyrocketed.

Gathering confidence, she eased her tongue inside his mouth and played with his own, feeling powerful, in control, and oh so smug as he groaned into her mouth, melting.

She hadn't done anything compared to him but here, James Potter was flushed, freezing for a few seconds under her touch.

He pulled away from her with a gasp and buried his face in her neck, arms tight around her waist. She felt his pulse under her fingers against his chest, feeling her own heart beating wildly.

" James?"

" Give me a second, sweetheart." He half whispered, burying his face further into her neck. " God, Lily. You'll be the death if me, I swear."

"Almost was today." She breathed and he stilled. She bit her tongue. " Sorry. It's your fault, though. I can't even think properly. "

" That's a confidence boost." He sighed, hands slipped a little under her tattered sweater, randomly tracing patterns on the skin at her waist. Lily shivered inside. Sleep was the last thing on her mind, but exhaustion settled in sediments now that his mouth was a safe distance away. She remembered she had wanted to curl up and cry, but the need wasn't as strong now. He must've noticed.

" Sleep?"

" Shower." She mumbled. He sighed and pulled her closer, tucking her under his chin. Her hair tickled his collar bone, she was drawing circles on his heart with a finger, breathing finally steady. His eyes drooped. He must have swayed because Lily looked up immediately. " Okay, that's enough. We need to catch some sleep."

He merely pulled her back in, closer this time, revelling in the way they moulded together perfectly. She was warm and soft and pretty much worlds more than what he'd dreamed for. Lily sighed into his chest, shifting her weight slightly and he knew he had to let go.

They needed rest. There would be time for everything later.

She had left for the showers with a kiss to his jaw and a glare at his half-hearted offer to help her in the activity. James simply killed time by sneaking off to the Prefect's bathroom and taking a shower himself. He still got back before Lily, satisfied at having taken little time for once. Ha.

By the time she stepped out and he heard the faint click of the lock opening, he was sprawled on his bed, half asleep, half awake. Hanging somewhere in the middle. He'd simply thrown himself onto the mattress, ignoring the covers, wanting to fall asleep but too wired to do so. A lot of things had to be done, he sighed. He'd have to talk to his parents, go for rounds tomorrow and help around; head students had a duty after all.

They'd come so close today. So close to death. He'd almost lost all his friends, almost lost Lily forever. But he wasn't really afraid of dying. He just had to go before all of them or he'd be destroyed. Right now, they were alive. She was alive.

And near breaking point.

He'd seen the repeated swallows and blinking back tears. He'd noticed the trembling hands before they were taken separate ways. He'd seen the relief on her face but it didn't reach her eyes. Lily was strong, but she never actually accepted reality for what it was. Stash away the real feelings, don't let them register so that you can keep your head in the game, that was the way she worked. He admitted that was good method; effective in keeping focus. He was the exact opposite, letting everything hit him at the moment it was introduced and acting on his emotions. It was a lot riskier than her wiring. But for Lily, the shock had to settle at some point.

There was a knock on his door, and the knob twisted before he could get up. Her head poked in, faintly damp red hair tumbling forward from her shoulders. Green eyes clouded in worry, relieved when she saw him on the bed.

" You could've left a note." she scolded, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. He surveyed her cream pyjamas and eyes lingered on the bandage on her head. " Why?" James smiled tiredly, "Scared Voldemort was gonna take me away?"

" Everything's a joke to you, isn't it?" she narrowed her eyes but she wasn't really upset, he knew.

" Not really." He beckoned her inside. "I'm serious about a lot of things. Quidditch, Treacle tart, Pranks." She was walking over slowly. " I'm never joking about parties." She stopped at the edge of the bed and he reached out, playing with the hem of her shirt, and then abruptly pulled her onto the bed. A squeak escaped her lips.

" And I'm dead serious about you." He informed her gravely, straddling her hips lightly, pinning her hands to the bed.

Lily huffed, heart beating rapidly, but nonchalantly blowing at a piece of hair on her face from the uncalculated little pull she'd received. " You'd better be after this."

" I have been since a long time ago." He nipped her ear and she sighed against his jaw. A hand released her to brush away the unruly lock of red she couldn't seem to have blown away before resuming pinning her wrists down. " Does sleep sound good?"

She only nodded. He pulled up and saw she was, as he expected, pale.

" Lily."

" I'm afraid I'll have nightmares." She sighed resignedly, not even bothering to hide from him. He appreciated it immensely. For someone as defensive as the girl underneath, to put herself in a vulnerable state willingly in front of him meant she was throwing a lot of trust into this balance they were building. If cemented, it would be the best thing that's ever happened to either of them, but he'd have to handle the initial stages carefully.

" I can go and get some sleeping draught..."

" Don't go anywhere." She glared. " How thick can you get? Just shut up and fall asleep. Its not everyday I'll just fall on your bed out of the sky..."

" Wrong." He grinned, eyes shining. His mouth hovered over hers teasingly. " It'll be raining Lilies on this bed, just you wait."

She wanted to say something sharp, but he was already kissing her deeper than before and she had no intention of leaving.

He was right. Keep this up and it really would rain Lilies.

Another sigh escaped her chest as he moved to her neck. Their fingers twined together, he was peppering open mouthed kisses along her collar bone. She moaned softly, her toes curled and she arched into him lightly.

" Aren't we a little too fast?" she murmured breathless, reluctantly, regretting her words as he pulled away and came back to her cheek. "Actually, no we're not! Forget I said anything."

He chuckled, nuzzled his nose against hers and warmth exploded in her stomach, lips curled up, heart soared as he kissed her cheek chastely. " Do we have time for baby steps?" he enquired.

Wrong question.

She sobered, he sighed. James pulled away to look her in the eyes.

" Sorry." He said quietly. " But this is your fault, though. I can't even think properly."

A smile twitched her lips. " That's a confidence boost." She returned.

He lowered again, grinning against her mouth, kissed her once, slowly. Her hands knotted in his hair. He couldn't seem to stop kissing her.

" You're sleeping here tonight." He told her between stolen touches. She was a little too busy trying to breathe to understand.

" Who says you can tell me what to do?" she murmured, sighing and squirming in pleasure as his teeth grazed lightly along her jaw. " I have to go back."

James pulled away and told himself to get a grip. His head was clouding up, the woman was intoxicating him. He needed to stay clear brained. She probably needed emotional support, not a love bite.

Although she didn't exactly appear opposed to the activity.

" What you have to do, is stay here and help me watch you sleep."

" That's creepy."

" You know what I mean." He butted their foreheads together lightly and James rolled off to the side, and drew her closer. Their legs tangled, he buried his face in her neck, pressing one last open mouthed kiss to her throat, she shivered in his arms, and he just lay there, taking deep gulps of her scent, letting the smell of vanilla wrap around his senses, engulf his brain.

Her hands ran through his hair, playing absently , feeling their wild heartbeats pound against their chests pressed together. She sighed, sleep lingering on the doorstep as their pulses calmed down, thudding in sync, rhythm soothing. Her eyes drooped.

" Lily," he muttered drowsily. She hummed just as sleepily. " A doe. Really?"

Some of her sleepiness vanished and she chuckled. " Who asked you to turn into a stag?"

" Stags are amazing animals." He defended. " But you know what this means?"

" No, enlighten me."

" You really love me. No, seriously. You're whipped. Head over heels. Way in over your head."

She laughed, feeling his lips curve against her neck at the sound. Lily yanked at his hair lightly. " I'm afraid so, Potter."

Silence for a while, she assumed he'd fallen asleep. But then he nuzzled his face deeper into her neck.

" There's something else."

" Do tell." She smiled.

" I'm just as whipped as you are."

She grinned, closing her eyes as his lips pressed against her skin. " You're weird."

" Takes one to know one, love."

"Sleep, James. Rounds in the morning."

He sighed in reply, reaching away towards his wand. The lights were put off and the quilt settled softly on their forms. He pulled her closer so there wasn't an inch that wasn't pressed together, and buried his face in her neck again.

She slept like a baby.

Nightmares came, but she merely jumped a little and opened her eyes. The sleep was so intense behind her lids, she couldn't hold them open for more than a second. At some point, James was awake, and he'd tucked her under his chin, rubbing circles on her back. In the end, she didn't remember anything she'd dreamt about.

Around eight in the morning, there was a knock on their front door, magnified by magic to echo loudly in their rooms.

She knew James had gotten up to check after pressing a kiss to her forehead. He was dragging himself away, still tired. Her own muscles were sore today, all the falling and scratching was beginning to show. Dreading the pain she knew would come, Lily got up and stretched, wincing heavily. She was only just swallowing a gulp of water when the door opened and James stepped in, looking slightly wide eyed and more awake.

" It's Dumbledore." He muttered. " He's here in his pyjamas."

" I—what?"

" I'm not lying. It's Dumbledore and he has coffee. And breakfast."

" Coffee, you say. I'm sold." She sighed, tired enough to not think too much about the whole thing. Dumbledore was a little weird but that was the way he worked.

She rushed into the bathroom, brushing, washing her face thoroughly and fixing her hair before looking at herself in the mirror. For someone who had nearly died a few hours ago, she looked okay. Her eyes were tired and lined with traces of bags, her bandages in need of dressing and she was pale, but her eyes sparkled.

And James had everything to do with it.

She stepped out, not changing out of her pyjamas to humour her professor and exchanged a glance with James before quickly walking out into the common room.

Her headmaster was seated on the armchair, comfortably skimming through a book, looking at home in his...pyjamas. Moons and stars. Huh.

She stood uncertainly, suddenly unable to think of words to say. The old man looked up. He smiled brightly.

" Ah, Lily! Pleasant Morning to you."

"'Morning professor." She replied, sitting gingerly on the opposite couch. She spotted a covered up tray on the coffee table and thought she smelled bread and bacon. And coffee.

Okay, yum.

She cleared her throat. " James will be out in a moment. And I er...can I ask what this pleasant visit is about... professor?"

Dumbledore smiled brightly. " Of course. I have merely brought my head students some breakfast, is all. And I did not get to see you yesterday, after all that chaos. So here I am."

She had only just smiled back when there was a door opening and James walked over, plopping down next to Lily. He looked a lot more refreshed, eyes shimmering. Dumbledore smiled at the pair of them.

" Wonderful." He waved a hand and two mugs of steaming hot something floated under their noses. Lily almost sighed. Coffeeeee...

" Drink up now." He instructed. " You have gone without food for much too long. Its a wonder you're still standing. But you are, after all, a lot more surprising than I expected. "

Lily smiled her thanks, feeling comfortable as she settled back, copying James's Indian style position and took a sip. The plate of toast hovered near and James was nibbling at one, watching Dumbledore carefully.

" What does that mean, ' lot more surprising?' " James enquired, eyes flitting to Lily. " We're missing something aren't we?"

Dumbledore chuckled heartily, putting aside his book. " It means you both have surprised me. What you showed yesterday was extraordinary bravery and endurance. Will. Courage. I'm immensely proud of you. You, James, did the near impossible, tracing a human who had been apparated to God knows where."

Understanding dawned on his face and The Chaser leaned back, hiding behind his mug. " Ah... That." Lily was watching intensely. He cleared his throat. " That was pure instinct, Professor."

" An instinct no one else had." Dumbledore reminded, beaming. " Be proud, James. And you, Lily. You made the Dark Lord's enchantments disappear. " His face grew grave as they fixed on her face. "We heard you screaming, but couldn't find you at all. And all of a sudden, there you were. " Lily fidgeted under his kind gaze, recalling her fury and the tingles she'd felt. James looked like he'd been answered a question he'd always wanted answered.

Dumbledore smiled at them both. " I have always said, love is above all sorts of magic. You just helped prove that point. "

Both teens went a little red, but the head boy was the first to recover. He smiled back at Dumbledore. " How are the others, Professor?" he drew the conversation away to another direction to spare Lily. "I'm heading out to see them but—"

"They are all fine, James. And they'd appreciate your visit. " Dumbledore got up and the book floated back to the shelf. " But I suggest you return quickly and sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep until you simply can't anymore." His eyes shone. Dumbledore smiled as he headed out. "Good day."

They sat in silence for a while. Breakfast floated insistently around them so they ate quietly. Lost for a long time in their own thoughts.

" 'Traced.' " Lily mumbled, looking up at James from her plate, pushing it away and picking up her coffee. The mug had, bless it, seemed to refill itself. " What does that mean? How did you find us?"

James took a long time to take a sip of coffee. He shrugged. " I actually don't know. I just had an instinct...you know...that I'd probably find you of I just disapparated."

She softened, but confusion lingered on her face. " That's...new."

He nodded, still a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. He had just known, he was so sure of it, he had taken the first chance he got to try. It was a strong feeling, that instinct, and it sort of scared him how close it came to consuming him.

Shaking it off, he drowned his cup. Dumbledore said some things were beyond magic. Maybe this was one of those things. He'd leave the deeper thinking to wise old men like his headmaster.

For now, he needed to go for rounds.

They got up together, the plates and mugs vanishing as they finished, really thankful to Dumbledore for the little gift. Kissing her lightly, pulling away before he got a real taste because they'd never make it to rounds if he did, James hit the showers and Lily sat, wondering about what her headmaster had said.

" Alright, listen." James stopped her as she reached for the door, both of them ready to head out. He pulled her back towards him. A boyish grin twitched on his lips" I know you hate PDA—"

"James—"

"— and I'm going to try, I promise. But I can't keep my hands off completely. Don't kill me, okay?"

" You're crazy." She sighed, smiling slightly and traced the straight line of his nose with her finger. His gaze shifted but he was still. " I just meant, don't do anything...intimate. I think if you didn't pull up PDA, you wouldn't be you and girls might still hit on you. "

" Green eyed girl to green eyed monster." He noted.

" No, I'm just a teeny tiny bit too tired to deal with that."

James grinned happily, looking a lot like a cat who got the cream. " Intimate, you say."

He pulled her in abruptly, hands slipping under her shirt, playing with her skin, setting it on fire. His lips lowered to her mouth, a leg slithered between her own and there really was no space left. She wasn't breathing.

" Intimate like this?" he questioned against her mouth, laughing inside at her wide eyes. " Or something a notch higher?"

She almost fainted to think what was a notch higher. Lily shook her head. " Just don't kiss me." She made him promise. " Don't bring your mouth anywhere near mine."

He grinned again, swooping to nip her collar, and she arched into him slowly as his musings increased in ardour.

Looks like he'd found a spot.

Satisfied for now, he kissed her hard once, claiming the lingering taste of coffee as his own, and then gave her a moment to recollect herself.

The glint in her eye told him he was in trouble, but somehow he suspected good trouble.

The high hormones faded as the hospital wing loomed in the distance. Neither actually wanted to go, Lily wasn't ready. He wasn't really up for it. But it was their duty to check up on students. Their duty to offer hope.

She paused outside the door, eyes stormy, lost in thought.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple softly. " They need it, Lily. Hold on for just a little longer."

A resigned sigh and a nod later, they walked in. First few beds were okay, mostly people they didn't know, people with not as many injuries. Then they split, Lily assisting Madam Pomfrey in between. They came together again as their friends' beds drew closer. Lily took a deep breath. Positive. She needed to stay positive.

What in the world had happened to her optimism?

She wasn't like this. At all. She was almost always looking at the better side of things mostly, so when had she turned into such a downer?

Her father would be disappointed.

With that thought fuelling her will, she focused again on the bright side. Everyone was alive. The day was nice. No classes. No homework. And sweet Merlin, she'd just been lavished by the one person she'd been so hung upon, just a couple of hours ago. What more could she want?!

Everyone noticed the light in her eyes, returning since they'd disappeared months ago. The brightness warmed their insides, her smiles were genuine, bubbling forth from within, and she was back to being the old Lily, exuberant and cheeky. She gave with a smile, comforted with touching empathy.

She was pure, James realized. Pure and clearer than anyone he'd ever seen before. She was the most genuine human he'd met, giving everything she had into whatever she was doing.

That would explain the fierce protectiveness he'd always felt no matter how powerful he knew her to be, the protectiveness he till harboured, knew his friends shared; because something as pure shouldn't be tainted.

Lily looked up from where she was sitting by Frank's bed, and incandescent eyes met his own. She smiled and his heart leapt.

He was one lucky bloke, that's for sure.