The Ordinary Prince – Chapter Four
Stolen and adapted to fit with SGA characters by Fenchurch. Beta-d by my Goddess47 – Goddess of commas and super-fast betaing!
Thanks also to M M Kaye who wrote The Ordinary Princess – my favourite children's book.
***
The man was very gorgeously dressed in a suit of crimson and violet taffeta, laced with gold and embroidered with twinkling jewels, and wherever there was room for one he seemed to have added a bunch of ribbons. He looked very out of place in the dark plain halls of the kitchens.
This person stood and stared at them in horror and Rodney was worried that John would be fired too, but instead the Minister (only a Minister would be quite so over-dressed, Rodney decided) drew himself up very tall and then bowed low.
"Your Majesty must excuse me," he bowed even lower, "but I was to request Your Majesty's presence in the Council Chamber. One of Your Majesty's equerries informed me that you had been seen coming this way, and though I could not believe that…"
"Oh shut up and go away!" John snarled. "You have no idea how difficult you are making this. I'll be there when I can get there… it's not like you take any notice of me anyway." The last bit was muttered.
"Well!" Rodney stood and folded his arms in indignation as the Councillor left them alone. "Well, I must say…!"
"I'm sorry, Rodney, I was just about to tell you when old Pimple-face there turned up!"
Rodney turned to go up the stairs and John caught his arm. Rodney looked disdainfully down at the hand holding him back and said, very haughtily.
"Will Your Majesty be so good as to release me?"
"Don't be a pompous idiot!" John scolded. "I can be as swanky and pompous as you can, if I want to! And I was going to tell you, only that flat-footed fat-head of a Court Chamberlain had to go and spoil it all."
"I knew he was a Minister of something!" Rodney nodded. "And you were a real prince all along!"
"I'm a King actually!"
"For two pins, I could give you a good hard slap!"
The King grinned cheerfully at him. "You can't slap a King!"
"Oh, can't I?" Rodney said with intent.
Then they both broke down in giggles and had to sit down on the stairs together.
"Why did you tell me your name was 'John'?" Rodney asked eventually.
"Well, you have to admit that 'Algernon' is pretty awful. Besides, one of my names is 'John'."
"How many have you got?" Rodney asked.
"Six… Meredith!"
"OK, so we agree that Royalty have no idea how to pick names," Rodney sniggered and they started to laugh again.
"Right, John, listen, I know about Councils and they really hate being made to wait."
"Oh, it's not like they really need me there. They tend to ignore me."
"You may be a King, but you're a Man-of-all-work too."
"Thanks for the reminder."
"So, what are we going to do?"
"Look, Rodney, you're right, I do have to go, but promise me you won't go far. Go and pack and I'll come and meet you here after the meeting. Promise me you'll be here?"
"Of course, John."
John pulled Rodney to him in a strong hug and Rodney hugged him back. Then John tapped Rodney on the shoulder and hurried off.
***
As the King entered, the Councillors all rose slowly to their feet and bowed. The Ladies were quite severe and the Lords were cross but they all bowed properly and with exactly the right depth as King Algernon jogged past them.
"Ok, Ladies and Gentlemen, please be seated. Sorry I'm late."
John sat on the golden throne at one end of the chamber and amused himself watching the stuffy people settle themselves back into their cushioned chairs.
"So, what's the problem?" the King asked inelegantly.
Apparently the trouble was the King's marriage. The Prime Minister had called a Council of State to urge His Majesty to propose for the hand in marriage of Her Royal Highness the Princess Chaya Sar of Proculus. It took half-an-hour for the courtier to explain this and John didn't know the meaning of many of the words the man used, but most of the Councillors were nodding and at least pretending to understand, so John just sighed and waited. He pulled out the problems that Rodney had set for him and started on those. They had been a Godsend in Councils recently.
When the Prime Minister had run out of things to say, the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs stood and started listing the many and varied reasons why the King should marry.
What a good thing it would be to have a Consort. What an excellent thing it would be for the country to have a rich and powerful ally such as Proculus. How greatly it would encourage trade, and how beautiful and gracious and charming and cultivated was the Princess Chaya Sar. She sounded quite jealous.
Some of the older Councillors frankly dozed, and the King wrote 'you marry her then' on a piece of paper, which he then folded into an aerodynamically perfect paper aeroplane.
Actually, he had tried to interrupt once or twice, but the Prime Minister, the Chancellor and the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs all had very loud voices, and as they were absolutely determined to finish their speeches (after all they had even written them down in joined up writing!), he gave up and went back to drawing a picture of the Prime Minister in a frilly dress.
The fact of the matter was that the entire Council had got so used to managing affairs while he was a little boy that they sometimes forgot that he was no longer quite so little and quite capable of thinking for himself. They had all told him what to do and how to do it for such a long time, that everybody had become used to it.
So, when they had all quite finished and even put the pads of paper down, the King stood up and cleared his throat.
There was immediate silence. This was, after all, the King!
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have listened with the deepest interest to all you have had to say." (Which was really far from true, but royalty has to tell this kind of fib sometimes.) "And may I say," continued the King, "that I am deeply touched by your concern for my welfare. But," and here the King suddenly ceased to be quite so royal, "there is no way on Earth that I will ever propose to Cousin Chaya!"
"Your Majesty!" gasped the Prime Minster, the Chancellor and the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs and pretty much all the other Councillors at once (the ones that were awake, anyway).
"Don't interrupt me," snapped the King. "I have listened to millions of your damned speeches, so now you can listen to one of mine! I am going to marry His Serene and Royal Highness Prince Ro… hem… Meredith of Canadia, with or without your permission."
"But Your Majesty…" the Chancellor tried to interrupt.
"I haven't finished yet!" said the King severely. "I desire an embassy to set out for Canadia immediately, to ask Queen Elizabeth for her son's hand in marriage. And the sooner the better! That's pretty much it."
He bowed politely to the Councillors and marched off.
"Canadia!" said the Prime Minister.
"Now there's an idea!" mused the Chancellor.
"Is it dinner time?" asked the Minister of State for Agriculture.
"What will Queen Mora say?" asked the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs.
"Oh yes!" said the King, reappearing rather suddenly at the door. "I forgot to mention that I think one of you should drop a strongly worded hint to my dear Aunt that even the most friendly of visits ought to end some time. She and my cousin and all the odd bods and baggage who came with them have been here for weeks and weeks! It's time they left as they make a lot of extra work for the kitchen staff."
And with that he popped his head round the door again, leaving the Council gasping with shock and dismay.
The Prime Minister was the first to recover.
"You know, that idea of the King's about an alliance with Canadia is not a bad one. I don't know why we didn't think of it before! It is every bit as powerful as Proculus – with whom we are already connected through the King's Aunt. And, come to think of it, she is a very bossy woman and if the King were to marry her daughter, she would be an almost permanent visitor…"
"Does anyone disagree?" the Chancellor asked.
"Right then," the Prime Minister decided. "It is obviously all for the best. Chancellor, see to drawing up the draft for that hint that His Majesty requested, and the rest of you… start thinking about the embassy to Queen Elizabeth."
***
"Where the hell have you been?" Rodney demanded when John reappeared.
"Look, there isn't much time. I have to be up really early tomorrow morning to do some State business. I just opened a can of worms in there and it's time I started ruling my own kingdom!"
"Go John!"
"So, first of all, will you marry me?"
"Oh, John!"
"Yeah right. Yes or no?"
"What do you think?"
"I know what I think! I want to know what you think! Yes or no?"
"Duh!"
"Rodney!"
"But marrying a King is a serious business! Don't you think I ought to a little time to consider it?"
"Seriously? No! Besides, you told you'd like me just as much if I turned out to be a coalheaver – remember?"
"But you didn't!"
"That's not the point!"
"You don't mind wonky mouths and abrasive personalities?"
"I love them!"
"Them or me?"
"Rodney! OK… I love you, alright?"
"Yes!"
"Yes 'it's alright' or yes' you'll marry me'?"
"John! I mean yes, I love you too and I want to marry you!"
"Oh thank God for that!" John grabbed his fiancé and kissed him.
"Wow!" said Rodney.
"Right, now you need to go home to Canadia."
"What?" asked Rodney, whose brain was still full of kisses. "Um…why?"
"Well, firstly because I'm sending an embassy to your mother to ask for your hand in marriage properly. It would look a bit weird if they turned up and you weren't there!"
"I suppose…"
"Secondly, we can't let the people know that their future Prince Consort was once an Assistant Cook's Assistant. They can be frightfully snobby."
"I'll have to go back." Rodney's face fell.
"I'll come for you as soon as I can!"
"It's so unfair that I can't come for you, just because you're the King."
"Ha! Get used to it!" John crowed.
"It'll take months and months for them to organise a Royal Wedding."
"I'll do my best to hurry things up, but you need to get yourself to Carson's house and then back home."
"John… I'll miss you."
"You can write. Address it to John the Man-of-all-work and I'll make sure I get it."
Rodney grabbed John for another, more passionate kiss and then let go.
"Go get them! Remember, you're the King!"
"Yes Dear!" John grinned. "Be careful and don't let them lock you up in a tower."
"Not a chance!"
John kissed Rodney again and then picked up Rodney's tiny bundle, which included the cardboard box with Rodney's earnings and MAFS' bed. Rodney took it, let MAFS jump onto his shoulder and followed John to the Hall. A page bowed low and John told him to escort Rodney to the forest.
As Rodney took a last look at the wonderful castle of Atlantis, he reflected on how simply gorgeous his fiancé was. Then he turned and walked straight to the portal and thence to Carson's house.
***
Two days later Prince Meredith calmly entered the private breakfast room, kissed his mother and started helping himself to bacon and eggs.
The Queen nearly fainted and the King kept saying 'Goodness!' and mopping his brow. When everything had calmed down and both the King and Queen had told Rodney exactly what they thought of him, Rodney announced.
"Yes, I am back and I want to tell you that I really hate both of you, but it isn't true. However, if you even think about locking me up in a tower again, or getting Wraith in to trick Princesses into marrying me, then I shall leave and you will never see me again!"
"No Wraith, Mer, I promise," Elizabeth agreed.
"Also, I really hate my first name. Call me Rodney from now on, it's a sensible name and it's not a girl's name."
"Very well, Rodney," said the King.
"So, that's that settled. Now, what juice is there that is not citrus?"
***
It was inevitable that the moment Rodney was back in the palace, the Council of Canadia would start panicking about marrying him off again.
The Queen ordered as many lotions and curling papers as she could find and the King started prodding the Council into thinking up suitors for Prince Meredith's hand in marriage. The Queen was beside herself with worry and the King tried to calm her down and resign her to the fact that there would be one Royal Child who would end up a bachelor.
Rodney put up with it all – the lessons in deportment, the baths and face masks, the jewels and the clothes, but all the time he waited for his King to come and rescue him.
Then the miracle happened.
"Meredith! Meredith!" The Queen ran along the corridor that led to Rodney's bedroom.
"Yes Mother?" Rodney opened the door and led his over-excited mother to an ornate chair.
"Put on your best clothes at once and do try to hold yourself like Prince and not like a Cook's Boy!"
Rodney grinned at this, but only said, "What has happened, Mother?"
"It's a miracle! An embassy from His Majesty the King of Lantea has just arrived to ask for your hand in marriage!!"
The Queen was far too excited to sit still and started trawling trough Rodney's clothes to find ones that would show off how slim he had become and yet hide the fact that his mouth sloped downwards on one side and that his hair was not golden and curly.
Rodney just picked up the letter that the Queen had been fanning herself with and realised that it was addressed to him… or at least to His Serene and Royal Highness Prince Meredith. He picked it up and clutched it to his chest.
"John," he sighed, happily.
As he made himself ready, the King and Queen met in an ante-chamber and discussed how they would approach this envoy.
"Do you think they'll retract the offer once they see him?" King Richard asked nervously.
"I've arranged for the lights to be behind him and for only the plainest servants and attendants to surround him," Queen Elizabeth replied.
"Will he behave?"
"It's Meredith, of course he won't behave! But let's see if we can keep this meeting as short as we can."
It may have been due to the lighting in the room, or the fact that next to the servants, the Prince was drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe it was due to the fact that the Prince didn't insult the ostentatiously dressed envoy who didn't recognise the Cook's Boy he'd caught chatting with the King. Or perhaps it was because Prince Meredith behaved wonderfully well and looked so happy that his mouth didn't slope at all. Whatever the reason, the visit went wonderfully well and finished with the announcement that the wedding would take place in June.
***
Sometimes it seemed to Rodney that June would never come.
When he wasn't looking out of the window and willing time to pass faster, he was being fitted for new clothes such as would befit the new Prince Consort of Lantea, or writing hundreds of thank you letters to people he had never heard of who sent him wedding presents.
At one point the Court painter was called for and Mynheer Van Lorne was instructed to paint the Prince as flatteringly as possible. After all, the King had never met his future husband… or so they thought.
In fact Rodney asked Lorne to paint a proper picture, too.
"I can't possibly send him that one, it doesn't look anything like me."
"I think this one is much better," Lorne agreed, showing him the replacement picture and liking the Prince enormously.
"Would you come to Lantea with me? I happen to know that King Algernon doesn't have a Court Painter and I could use some help with some of my designs."
Lorne wasn't the only one who agreed to go with the Prince. Carson declared that he wanted a change of scenery and Teyla and Ronon decided to give up their jobs and move to Lantea to start up a school for martial arts, a project that Rodney agreed to fund.
And of course MAFS refused to leave Rodney's side.
'I've had a whole room converted for him to play in,' John wrote 'and there will be so many walnuts his stomach will burst! By the way, that portrait was hilarious! Please, please, please bring Mr Lorne with you, I want him to paint all my court for a laugh!'
***
At last the day arrived and Rodney dressed in the fine gold threaded brocade that had been delivered two days earlier. He actually liked it as it wasn't too heavy and the blue of the jacket suited him. He had argued with his mother about what to wear, but had finally managed to convince her that the King of Lantea wouldn't just turn around and walk out when he saw 'the real thing' rather than the painting.
He had also cut down on the jewellery and the finery, saying that he liked things to be much plainer and a lot less fussy. His mother wasn't happy, but Rodney merely pointed out that this was his wedding, not hers.
And so Queen Elizabeth of Canadia led her only son down the aisle of the Great Cathedral to meet with his future husband.
The music swelled and the two families moved together. The King of Lantea bowed to the Queen of Canadia, who curtseyed. Then the King Consort of Canadia stepped forward and bowed.
"Your Majesty, may I present my son, Prince Meredith Rodney Ingram McKay,"
"Your Royal Highness." John bowed his head.
"Your Majesty," Rodney replied and bowed in a superbly graceful movement that astonished his Royal Parents. No one noticed that the Queen had her fingers crossed behind her back, but she needn't have worried. The King of Lantea held out his hand and Prince Meredith accepted it and they went side by side to the altar.
"It's really you!" Rodney hissed at his fiancé as they walked together. "I wasn't sure under all that lace!"
"I can't believe you're wearing that acorn necklace!" John whispered back.
"I kept it," Rodney admitted. "Now shut up and pretend we've only just met!"
After the ceremony came the banquet and the new Prince Consort of Lantea sent out basket after basket of food and cake to the people of the capital city, having arranged for the same to happen in all the other main towns and cities of the realm. It was clear that the newly-weds were getting on very well as King Algernon kept laughing and Prince Meredith giggled, especially when his husband snorted champagne down his nose at one of his jokes.
Suddenly there was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning and the great doors of the palace flew open to reveal a crazy gnome with wild hair.
"Oh John!" Rodney enthused. "I mean Algernon… you have got to meet my Ancient Godfather Radek Zelenka!" and he pulled his new husband up and over to greet the new arrival.
"Panebože!"
"Bless you!" said Rodney, politely.
"You've lost weight!" the Godfather exclaimed, ignoring his Godson. "And your husband is very tall. Well, I have a present for you. My gifts cannot be tied with paper and string. Bend your heads both of you."
Rodney and John exchanged glances and bowed their heads.
"You will both live long and happy lives and you will never lose the love you have for each other. You shall always have the love and respect for your subjects, who will be prosperous. In fact you will live happily ever after!"
"Now that's what I call a wedding present!" John laughed.
So, they ruled Lantea from the beautiful city of Atlantis and lived happily ever after.