12. When Dreams become Nightmares

Days and days had passed…

Months and months had passed…

But Mikan was still waiting.

It was another school day 2 months after that party where Mikan had the chance to hold on to her first love.

"It's been only two months yet…" Mikan said to herself as she walked through the corridor which led to her classroom. She felt tired like never before. She felt as if she was gonna collapse any minute. But she managed to walk into her classroom and sat on her chair, looking at the open book on her desk, dreamily.

"Looks like our idiot hasn't made her mind to move on yet." She could hear her best friend's voice coming through her dull dreamy state.

"Oh, Hotaru… I didn't notice you coming." Mikan said as she looked up at the short black haired girl who was standing beside her, reloading her pink baka gun.

"Oh yeah. I could see that." Hotaru said coolly, uninterested. Mikan just pouted.

After a few monotonous seconds, they heard the bell ringing, bringing another school day to its end. Mikan was relieved. All she wanted was to go home and sleep like a dead person. She wished she could sleep for good.

"Let's go baka." Hotaru said as she picked her stuff and turned to leave. Mikan just followed her as always, silent. That silence however, was something very unusual.

Within a long few minutes, they were there in front of Hotaru's house, Mikan still in her gloomy mood. After they had got down from the car, Hotaru turned to Mikan, penetrating into her gloomy hazel eyes with her inquisitive violet ones.

"Did you notice?" Hotaru asked, looking at Mikan directly in her eyes.

"N-no-notice? What?" Mikan asked, stammering as she looked back at her best friend's eyes in horror.

"Your eyes have lost their colour." Hotaru said without emotion.

"Colour? Aren't they brown now?" Mikan asked, totally confused. Hearing what she had said, Hotaru couldn't help but smile. It was definitely a rare occasion.

"Baka! Why can't you just grow up?" Hotaru said as she turned to walk into her house, still with the smile she had got from Mikan's stupid question. But suddenly something struck her mind and turned back to face Mikan. Mikan was standing still in the same position, musing upon what Hotaru had meant by "lost colour".

"Shall we go play in the park tomorrow?" Hotaru asked as she looked at Mikan's confused face and smiled. Mikan could see her violet eyes dazzling in the light of the evening sun. And that was another rare occasion too. Hearing what had just come out of Hotaru's mouth, Mikan couldn't keep her smile covered with gloom anymore.

"Uh! Alright Hotaru!" Mikan said out in a cheerful voice, for the first time in two months. It made her emotionless best friend's heart skip a beat. Hotaru was happy, really happy to see her stupid best friend's sunny smile restored to her lips. Her little trick had served her well. She thought as she turned to leave the scene after giving Mikan a smile coated nod.

Mikan on the other hand, was still smiling when she was walking on the pavement which led to her house. She walked through the gates and entered the house, closing the door behind her.

"I must move on!" She thought, as the loud thud of the closed door died away.

"Natsume… It's enough. Let's go." The blonde said, not sure if those were the best words to be said at the moment.

"Nah." It was the raven haired guy's simple and clear answer. Having heard what he had said, the blonde sat down at the table, looking at the empty beer cans thrown all over it. It was so unlike Natsume to act this way, yet he knew what made him do so.

"This won't change anything, you know…" Ruka said, still looking at the grimy table; the cans shining in the neon light of the night sky which was flowing into the dark little building through its long plain windows.

Natsume kept silence; his crimson eyes half closed.

"Natsume… Let's—" Ruka was cut off.

"This… won't change anything. I know." Natsume was saying in his deepest voice. "I know… I know Ruka." He added as he leaned his back on the chair some more. "But… This would make the time fly. And this would keep me from…" Natsume stopped his sentence in the midway to focus his eyes on his best friend's.

"From seeing her." Natsume completed his sentence as his half-closed crimson eyes gleamed, piercing the darkness of the atmosphere. Hearing what he had said, Ruka felt a sudden pang in his heart. He knew how much his best buddy yearned for Mikan. He cursed that man, for making his soul mate suffer in to this extent.

"Natsume… I… I'm sorry… I'm of no use! I'm a useless friend!" Ruka said, his eyes blinded with tears. He couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand seeing his best friend suffer this much.

"Huh, No. There's nothing you can do." Natsume said, running his hand through his already messy raven hair, smiling sarcastically. "Besides… It's just that..." Natsume was saying, looking outside from the broad window. "It's just that her heart doesn't feel me." Said he, his eyes nearing to doze off. Seeing the faraway look in his eyes, Ruka stood up at once and reached for his friend's shoulders, making him stand up as well.

Natsume didn't struggle and let him guide through the doors to the car.

Natsume was resting his head on the shutter, half asleep while Ruka was busy doing two things at once. He had to check on his friend as well as to focus on driving.

"Do you know… Ruka…" Natsume started, keeping his eyes tightly closed.

"Hmm?" Ruka said as he looked at Natsume's lifeless face. He liked it very much when Natsume opened up to him, sharing his pain with him, which was very rare.

"How hard it is for me to… exist with her in the same house…" said he. "To keep myself from seeing that smile… knowing that I'm only a few yards away from it." "Can you imagine how I resist myself from wanting to touch her? Can you imagine how I brush my feeling away like they're nothing at all?" He paused and raised his upper body and positioned it on the seat the proper way. Ruka could see him looking out through the windscreen, his ruby eyes searching for the depths of the darkness.

"Natsume…" Ruka said as he positioned his eyes on Natsume's now open eyes.

"Take the turn to your house." Natsume said as Ruka nodded in agreement.

It was about 7 o' clock in the morning. Kaoru Hyuuga was sitting on the couch, anxiety was visible in her eyes. She had the phone in her left hand and she was making calls to her son over and over again.

"Why on earth aren't you taking it Natsume!" She said out loud, totally scared. She knew Natsume hadn't been himself for past two months. He rarely came home, and if he came home it was in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep. And in the morning he was gone again. So that Kaoru hadn't seen her son fully with her eyes for two full months.

And it was the same in that morning. Plus, she was sure that Natsume hadn't been home last night. That made her worry more than usual.

She kept dialing the number over and over again until…

"I'm home." The husky voice she had expected hear, reached her ear. Soon after she had heard him, her eyes lit up automatically.

"Oh Natsume! Where have you been?!" Kaoru asked as her eyes met with Natsume's, both surprised and concerned.

"Ruka's." answered Natsume and walked straight towards the stairs, his eyes fixed on nothing.

He walked aimlessly, till he reached the door to his room. His deep red eyes, for some reason, looked redder that morning. Probably due to the long night he had had the previous day. He walked in and threw himself on his messy bed, staring at the ceiling, dreamily. He could sense that Mikan was in the house and it did hurt so much. He wondered what he would've done if it had been some other day. Some other day when Kaname wasn't there messing around with his mind. Then he probably would've broken into Mikan's bedchamber to annoy her, to check on her and certainly, to make sure that she was safe and happy. But now, no, he didn't feel like doing so. Even a single glimpse of her would bring him a hell lot of pain.

So he didn't dare take a step forward. He just lay there, idle. Good thing it was a Saturday and no school. The bad thing about it was that Mikan was also there at home that day. Natsume couldn't stand that thought even for a minute.

So he took his decision to move out. He checked his wristwatch. It was about 7:45am: nice time to wander somewhere other than his house. But he had to wait, wait till his mom got away, or there would be a full load of annoying curses coming in his way.

After about another 20 minutes, Natsume heard his mom's car being driven away from the house. He was happy, happy at last.

In 10 minutes, he was ready, again to cruise around the world.

He was on the halfway towards the living room when he heard a soft thud coming out from within Mikan's room. Hearing that, Natsume's legs worked against his conscience.

Within a few seconds, he was inside her room, searching for her petite figure which was nowhere to be found at the moment. He could feel some cold sensation running through his body. So he looked for her everywhere only to find that hazel eyed girl who he'd loved the most, kissing the floor beside her bed, totally unconscious.

"Mikan!"

Whoa! Natsume! You called her by her name! But why was she lying unconscious? Wait till my next chappie comes out!

Do you think this chapter is a success? Then drop a review. *puppy face!

I'm sleepy and I can't write more… I'll update my 13th and 14th chapters tomorrow. So have faith in me readers!

I've fallen head over heels for this story now!

So more to come.

I promise, next two chapters will bring more emotion than you've seen in any other fic! Guaranteed! Haha!

-Awful Nightmare!-