Chapter 14: Wherein Riddick Gets a Temporary Position.

Susan took him back to Death's house. They dismounted and stalked inside to the den. She sat at Death's dark desk, and looked ancient for just a moment, gazing abstractedly at him. Lobsang and the Death of Rats were waiting as if this was some sort of scheduled meeting.

"Whatdya want me to do?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm trying to figure that out. What are you good at?"

"Killin'."

She nodded thoughtfully. "That might be the solution to our problem. If I could just figure out who to kill. Problem is, I've pretty much decided it's not a Necromonger." Her eyes on him were steady, her voice had a new quality to it.

"You've been killing Necromongers."

"Yeah. Hasn't helped. Yet."

"You're visiting to the Underverse?"

"No. Not much point in that." Her voice deepened, and he felt the strong desire to avoid the subject. "No. I've been killing people before they get to the Underverse."

He shook his head. "Time travel. That's impossible."

Her lips quirked. "You've met my boyfriend." Riddick glanced over at the dark boy.

Avatar of . . . Time. Avatar.

Am I an avatar? He could feel his brain slide away from the thought.

Susan sighed. "Maybe I just need to spend more time tracing things out. I feel like the solution is right in front of me; I just can't see it." She glared at him meaningfully. He kept his mouth shut. She sighed and continued. "But you're right. Grandfather's still gone, and when I'm not here, death dies. Discworld needs death."

"Squeak squeak SQUEAK!" The Death of Rats was bouncing up and down.

"Sorry, old chum, you've speciated. You can't do it."

"Squeak squeak SQUEAK squeak!" The Death of Rats was brandishing a tiny scythe in Riddick's direction. Susan scowled at them both.

Lobsang's voice caught. "That could work."

"What? He can't be Death. He's just some guy. He can take one soul at a time, but that's not what we need right now. We need someone who can take souls all the way to the threshold. Or help us."

"Kill a king, become a king," Lobsang said, softly. "Some of the oldest magic in the multiverse. Kill Death, become Death . . . "

He was staring at Riddick with a rapt expression. Irritating. "You want me to kill your girlfriend?" Best idea I've heard in a long time.

To his surprise, he didn't really think it was.

Susan had a strange look in her eyes. "Kill Death, become Death. Stranger aeons . . ."

"Death may die. I can slice it. Trust me." Lobsang's eyes were intense, and there were galaxies dancing in them.

"I do." Susan stood, came around the desk fast, resolute in her combat boots. "Okay, here's the deal. We're going to make you Death. We'll be able to work on this problem longer that way. You'll have to keep Binky. He knows what to do. Binky, keep him out of trouble. The rat and the raven are actually a lot of help. Keep them close, listen to them and to Albert."

Kill Death . . . "You want me to kill you." Riddick's voice had lost its amusement.

She shrugged, irritably. "Just for a minute. Haven't you been listening? You want to help, do my job while I fix what you broke."

"While you're dead."

Her expression softened. "No. We're going to slice time. Turn time into a loop. I'll be alive on both sides of it, just not in the middle. You only have to be Death until me or Grandfather make it back." She handed him the scythe. "I can't think of anyone better for the job."

He looked at her, feeling suddenly helpless. "You two are sure about this."

She didn't answer directly. "Just – swing the scythe like you're harvesting wheat. It'll be okay. Go where Binky takes you. You just have to be there for the key ones, take them to the threshold. Easy as pie."

He still stared at her.

"Please? Look, I'm not asking you to be a hero. God, don't be a hero. I'm asking you to do what you were clearly born to do. Kill people. And don't read your own book."

The last words made no sense. He decided to ignore them. "On three."

"One . . . two . . . three."

Snick.

Her lifeless body hit the ground. Very dead.

"It worked." She was lying dead at his feet. Except that she was standing next to him. With a scythe in her hand.

He had one too. He could feel something welling up deep inside. I killed Death. He smiled a long, slow smile. So who'd win now, death girl? Before I'm through, the underworld's gonna be a whole lot more crowded.

She raised the scythe. "Thank you. Don't mess this up." Then she was gone.

Albert bustled up, panting. "Okay, first job." He thrust an hourglass at Riddick. Riddick took it thoughtfully. "Just show it to the horse. He'll take you there. Say hi, swing the scythe, take him to the threshold."

Riddick eyed the hourglass with a feral grin. "Just go where the horse takes me, whack who ever looks most . . . whackable?"

Albert grumped. "Wait here." He grabbed back the hourglass, scurried back to the house. Came back with a book. "It's a wizard. Always like to see those bastards die." The old man thrust a book at Riddick with a malicious smile. "Gardeniuos. Grandiose bastard. Professor of Licentious Astrology."

"So whack him?"

"Pretty much. Go. Take. Deliver to the threshold. Come back."

"Lemme see the book." He took it, paged through it thoughtfully. Albert was practically dancing in his anxiety to have him leave. He's not as much fun to torture as the Necros, but hey, take what I can get. "This his whole life?"

"Yup. Now get the hell outta here!"

Riddick smiled, low and slow. "Do I have a book, old man?"

Albert scowled at him. "So you're not just an asshole, you're narcissistic?"

Narcissistic? Do I know that word? "Could be."

"Yeah. You got a book. If I get it for you, will you just go?"

"You bet." He vaulted onto Binky, feeling . . . feeling the best he'd felt since he'd decided to rescue Jack from the Necros. "Don't wait up, sweetheart."

The air swallowed the old man's words. Riddick was almost disappointed. From the old guy's expression, there was some creative abuse coming out.

0o0

Binky took him back to Ankh-Morpork, into a castle that would give Riddick a headache if he let it. He didn't let it.

Suppose I should tell Angua that I'm taking leave, he thought. He snorted at himself. Maybe later.

Gardeniuos the grandiose bastard had a plaque on his door that indeed announced he was the Endowed Professor of Licentious Astrology. Riddick frowned at it for an instant, feeling like he was being made fun of. For an instant, he felt the cold coming on, and the suggestion that he was going to be flipped upside down and hung by the foot. He raised the scythe and the feeling retreated as if scared. He smiled. I could get used to this.

The professor was waiting for him. He blanched when Riddick came through the door, maybe because he didn't open it first. "You're late," the professor snapped.

Riddick stared down at him, silently. "No, you're doing it wrong," the man's voice rose. "You're supposed to say something witty here. Decrease the tension."

"Hm. Like, 'No, you're late?" Riddick suggested. "Seems to cheapen the moment."

The professor deflated. "You're new, aren't you?"

Riddick smiled. "In a way."

"I'm your first?"

"Oh no. Not my first."

The man looked at him shrewdly. "Not the first you've killed, but the first you've taken to the Threshold?"

Riddick cocked his head to the side. "Well . . . First time with a horse."

The man laughed until he started coughing. "Oh-ho! I know who you are. Our dark problem. The one who turned a demon dimension into a black hole."

"You know about black holes?" Riddick was actually surprised.

"Licentious Astrology, remember? I did a tour once. You're from a round world. A universe with quasars and black holes and . . . " the man eyed him shrewdly. "Little girls who died for you." Riddick glared at him. "Yeah. I had the sense they were going to try to stop it by killing you, not by having you join the team."

Riddick chewed that over. "I'm sure they would. Do you think it would work?"

The man considered with an abstracted look on his face. "No – no. You don't stop a black hole by feeding it. Even an artificial one. Interesting. Can I get back to you on that?"

"Tempting. But no. I've seen what's happened when people don't die."

"Right." The man resettled himself. "Let's get on with it."

Riddick swung the scythe. The man's soul was there, separated. Unlike the witch, not appreciably younger looking than the corpse. Think about that later. How do I take him to the threshold? Susan didn't take Binky. She just winked out.

"I don't have all day, son! Let's get on with it!" Riddick glared at him, and he floated back half a step.

So she probably just thought about it. What am I thinking about?

Threshold. Instantly, the two of them were hovering over a whirlpool in space, ripping a galaxy apart.

"Son," the wizard said carefully. "That's an event horizon in another dimension. We're looking for a door. A wooden door in a gray plain. Look at the scythe's handle. It goes there. Let it guide you."

Right. Different threshold. Gray plain . . . He tightened his grip on the scythe. There was a wrench, and they were standing somewhere very quiet. And, indeed, on a gray plain with a big wooden door.

"Right!" the man said, "Well done. I think I can take it from here." He strode manfully across the dust to the door. Stopped. Looked back one last time. "Son, that was your threshold we just saw?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"Cor. That's world destroying at a high level. Well done. One last word of advice, if I may."

"Shoot."

"You want to fix this? Kill your father. Tear out the root and burn the ground. Be a hero."

"Not a hero."

The man snorted. "Consider giving it a go. I understand it's good for your afterlife. Well. Have a good death!" He stepped through the door and vanished.

Riddick was utterly alone. He walked around the door thoughtfully. It was just a door freestanding on gray plain. After a moment, he opened it and stuck his head through. Jerked back quickly.

That was weird. The professor was at a banquet table with an alarming number of old men singing about a hedgehog. At the same time, a giant man with a jackal's head held a scale in one . . . paw, a feather in the other. At the same time, warrior women rode horses across an ethereal sky. He thought he recognized them. A man with one eye and his own raven smiled at him like a father. Three judges on three thrones stared down stonily. Zhylaw looked him right in the eye, a bloody rope in his hands. A young woman in black with heavy eye makeup gave him a cheery wave. All at the same time. All superimposed on top of each other.

That was really fucking weird. He poked his head back through again. The images waivered, collapsed into the one eyed man. The man was the living breathing embodiment of hale and hearty. He grinned broadly. "You, my son, are an opportunity," he said. Riddick jerked back again.

Kill my father. I don't have a father. Kill the one eyed guy? Does that make sense? Poked his head through one last time. The girl smiled at him. "My brother's right, you know. Save the maiden." He pulled back. Blinked, and he was back in the professor's office with Binky. Mounted the horse. Left.

0o0

After he finished, he decided to make his apologies to Angua. Binky seemed to know what he wanted; took him back to the bar. She was sitting at a table set for two.

"You're back fast," she said, sounding surprised. "Did you settle things with that witch?"

He blinked at her, not remembering. "Oh. Yeah. All good." There was this girl, and I killed her, he started to say. The words died in his mouth. "Yeah. Death's working again."

She eyed him critically, up and down. "You look different."

He looked down. There was gray dust clinging to his boots. Just like it had to Susan's, once upon a time.

"Yeah. Look. Somethin's come up. I've got something I gotta do. Not sure if I'll be back."

"Really."

He nodded.

"New job?"

He hesitated. "Temp position. I'll be filling in for . . . Susan."

Angua's eyes widened. "So, you're Death now. Can anyone apply?"

"Gotta kill a few people."

She smiled, showing teeth. "I've done that. Anyone in particular?"

"Ya gotta kill Death." Damn, many I shouldn't have mentioned that. " Look – look, I gotta go."

"Hold on," she says. "There's someone you gotta meet. He just went to the alley for a minute. I think you might know him."

He frowned at her. Him? Only guys I know in this world you don't are Albert and Lobsang, and I'm sure they ain't here.

"My lord!"

Riddick spun, and was confronted by a very surprised Vaako. The two of them stared at each other across the bar. Riddick was a little vexed that no one, not even the old woman who was clearly not undead, seemed to notice. Shouldn't there be a musical sting or something? This is titanic.

"You do know each other!" Angua announced, brightly. "I thought you might."

Riddick sat down heavily in what was clearly Vaako's chair. Vaako pulled up a new one, laid a hand on Riddick's arm. "I thought you were dead," he said, earnestly. "You weren't with us when we awoke in the Underverse."

"Yeah, well, I got . . . on the wrong train, I guess. Ended up here. How did you get here?"

Vaako sighed, noisily. "Something went wrong. The Lord Marshals went to war with each other. I joined up with Kyril. My wife – my wife left me for Zhylaw. She always wanted to be a Lord Marshal's wife."

Oh great humpin' Christ. Those two. Riddick controlled his expression. Nodded. "So you moved here after the divorce? How'd that work?"

Vaako smiled, slightly. "Oh no. Just – we were on the battlefield, and there was this swirly thing and--" he broke off for a moment, got a look of longing on his face. "And it just seemed the right thing to do. The Underverse was not all it was cracked up to be. Ended up here with a bunch of the guys."

"How many?"

"Just twenty. With you, twenty one."

Riddick sighed. "Not – not with me. Not right now."

Vaako looked anguished. "You're our Lord Marshal. We need you."

Oh you really don't, Riddick started to say. Cut it off. "Look. I'm in the middle of something. I'll try – I'll try to come back. Why are you talking to a cop anyway?"

Angua broke in smoothly. "Couple of dozen heavily armed men show up? Seemed the thing to do. Plus, we thought they could help with any more dragons."

"You're thinking of offering them a job?"

"Yes. Special auxiliaries. We gotta contain the monsters somehow." Riddick frowned at her, feeling, again, like he was being made fun of.

"What do you think, sire?" Vaako asked, sincerely.

Contain the monsters. Or, at least, give them jobs to do. I get it. He laughed out loud. "I love it. Go be a dragon slayer. This world likes heroes. Or at least people who look like them." He stood, grasped Vaako's shoulder with real affection. "I'll be back if I can."