"So, how was it?" Minato asked as they sat down at the restaurant. "I tried watching with my crystal ball, but the only time I actually had any free time, all I saw were you three hiking through the woods. I missed all the interesting parts."

"It was alright..." Sasuke replied safely. "We only fought one team. We beat them easily. And..." Sasuke closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his one tomoe sharingan eyes were showing.

Minato gasped excitedly. "Sasuke! That's excellent! I- Oh, no, wait here a moment!" He vanished in a flash.

Sasuke barely had time to give the human-form Naruto a questioning look before Minato returned, and with company. "Sasuke!" Mikoto Uchiha exclaimed upon her arrival.

Sasuke's eyes flicked over, allowing him to see his mother and his older brother for the first time through his dōjutsu. He gasped like a blind man seeing for the first time. Happy tears welled up in his eyes. "Mom! Aniki!" He jumped up and hugged his family.

Meanwhile, Minato vanished again, returning once more with guests, this time with Sakura's parents, Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno. Sakura, upon seeing her parents, had a similar reaction as Sasuke.

Once all the hugging and cheering had finished, the group sat down at the now much more crowded table. "So, tell us all about it!" Kizashi demanded. "Did you win?"

The three genin shared a knowing glance, all instinctively knowing exactly what to say and what to not. One didn't go through an ordeal like that without becoming very close to their companions. "Well, it started when Mitarashi-san handed us waivers protecting Konoha from our potential deaths..."

Haku awoke to an empty bed.

Sleeping with his Akuma-sama, platonically, had become a regular thing by this point, and as of the previous night, sleeping with him had involved a significantly smaller amount of sleeping. He'd been so happy to finally convince Akuma-sama that no, his feelings were not just a reaction to losing Zabuza-sama, and that yes, he was serious about making their relationship more physical in nature. It wasn't a romance, not by a long shot, but he was a tool and he liked being used.

Thus, all things considered, waking up in an empty bed after the previous night terrified Haku. He shot out of bed, put on yesterday's discarded pants, and ran out into the main rooms of his master's mansion.

"Morning, Haku-kun," Akuma cheerfully replied, his tail swishing back and forth lazily. He stood over the stove, cooking a massive amount of scrambled eggs and sausages for their breakfast, and aside from an apron to protect him grease splatter, he was wearing nothing at all.

The Yuki boy relaxed, thoroughly relieved that his master hadn't actually abandoned him at all, although he was a little irritated that he wasn't the one cooking breakfast for them. He'd always been the one to cook when he was with Zabuza, and-

No. Haku shook his head to clear away the thoughts. He'd had his time to cry, and he had a new master now. He couldn't show weakness, not at all. "Akuma-sama is a demon," Haku thought to himself, "and I cannot show weakness in front of a demon; demons have no use for a broken tool." But more than that, more than Haku would admit, he didn't want to show weakness for his own sake.

"So, I just got some interesting news," Akuma said conversationally. "My little cousin just made it to the final stage of the chūnin exams, in Konoha. I was thinking about going, and wondered if you wanted to come, Haku."

"That sounds fun," Haku replied. "Sure, I'd love to go!"

Naruto waited for his father to respond while Minato read over the paperwork. They were standing in the missions office, on opposite sides of the desk. In Minato's hands was a C-rank training mission request form, perfectly filled out by Naruto himself.

Minato set down the form. "While this isn't an unusual request by any means, and I would approve something as straightforward as this in a heartbeat were it any other ninja as trustworthy as you," — Naruto held in his wince — "I have to ask: why him?"

"Akuma-niisan and I have been talking. He slipped me his contact information that day in on the bridge, but I didn't realize it until we got home and had already done our report. Anyway, we've been talking, and though he can't use jutsu like we can, he does have some knowledge of demon abilities that Kurama doesn't, especially the ones that don't cause mass destruction, and he offered to train me since he's my cousin."

Minato ran his fingers through his hair. "Naruto, you have a little under a month to prepare for the final test. Are you sure you want to spend it with a demon we barely know anything about? Jiraiya has offered to train you, and I can train you as well."

Naruto had rehearsed this conversation in several times, even so far as creating a clone and henging it into Minato. He had a response ready. "Who says you can't? I mean, in the mornings, I could train with Akuma-niisan, and in the afternoons, you and ero-sennin could hiraishin over to me for more training. Plus, Akuma-niisan says that Haku's still with him, and that I could spar with him."

"Haku? Who is he? I think Kakashi mentioned him once."

"A mercenary ninja from Kiri, and a hyōton user. Three guesses as to why he's not loyal, and the first two don't count," Naruto replied. "The only caveat is that Kakashi killed his former master, Zabuza. As far as I can tell, Akuma-niisan hasn't informed him of my relationship to Kakashi-sensei, and I have no plans of correcting that ignorance", and I don't intend to correct that ignorance."

"I see," Minato replied. Then, leaning forwards slightly, the Hokage said, "Due to the nature of the people involved in this request, I'm going to have to deny it. How-"

"What!"

Minato gave him a look. "However, I have decided that genin Naruto Namikaze will be partaking in a solo C-rank intelligence gathering mission due to his unique relationship with the target. Akuma, a Person of Interest, was reported to be in Nami, and reported to be with a potential Shinobi of Interest. Your mission will be to update and expand our profile on Akuma, and create a profile on Haku. If either appear to be a potential asset to Konoha, you are to initiate friendly contact and attempt to persuade them into establishing communications with Konoha, visiting Konoha, allying with Konoha, or immigrating to Konoha, whichever is most likely and most worthwhile. The start is immediate and the duration is indefinite, pending further observations. Off the record, if you just so happen to learn something that betters yourself as a shinobi, that's very commendable. Now, do you, genin Namikaze, accept this mission?"

"I do." While he was happy that he could leave to go train on his own, he was not looking forward to the report he would have to write up. However, it would give him a chance to come up with a more solid backstory for Akuma so that he could develop the character further. It also gave him a chance to work on their personalities. Naruto still intentionally acted like an idiot prankster, though less often these days, so he knew that Akuma would have to be extra serious and wise sounding to make it seem like they weren't actually the same person.

"Good. Then leave as soon as you are ready."

He'd said his goodbyes, grabbed his stuff, and booked it to Nami. The small island nation was nearly two hundred miles away from Konoha; by foot and by river boat, it took a couple days to make the trip. However, through the sky, Naruto's travel time was measured in hours.

When he got to Nami, he landed on the mainland in order to walk across the Nami's Vengeance bridge he'd helped guard and build. It was silly, but he liked the sentimentality behind it. He considered stopping by Tazuna's house, but decided against it, since Haku and his clone-turned-path-body were already waiting for him.

It would be an odd month, that was for sure. He'd have to spend a lot of time talking with himself and with the voice in his head in order to make himself seem normal. And then he'd likely have to talk to his human father while in character. But he wasn't too worried, especially since around Haku and his clone, he could completely relax.

As he approached the far side of the bridge, he spotted the giant figure of Akuma waiting for him, the proportionally tiny Haku at his side. The two giants, demon and clone, approached each other and looked each other over. It never got old, seeing himself in third person through the other's eyes. "Akuma-niisan."

"Naruto-kun," Akuma replied. "It's good to see you again. I'm pleased that you could come."

"Thank you for having me," Naruto replied. "And this must be Yuki-san."

Haku bowed. "Haku-san is fine. It is a pleasure to meet you, Namikaze-sama."

"Well if you want me to be informal, then feel free to be informal yourself, Haku-san," Naruto replied. "Naruto-san is fine."

"Alright... Naruto-sama." Both Akuma and Naruto rolled their eyes.

"Let's go," Akuma said, turning to lead them back to his mansion. As they walked, Naruto couldn't help but notice that Akuma' relatively lethargic lifestyle and gluttony was already starting to affect his weight, and not for the better. It ticked him off that Akuma's now physical body also needed training.

"Haku-kun," Akuma said.

"Yes, Akuma-sama?"

"I want to ask a couple favors of you," the oni said. "First, I have decided that I am going to be training myself again as well as Naruto-kun. I would be delighted if you two would spar with us."

Haku smiled. "I would love to."

Akuma smiled back, but it didn't last long. "Haku, my other request is the more important one. Naruto and I, though we pretend to have only met recently, have known each other for far longer. Our relationship is complicated, to say the least, and we're not actually cousins. All I ask is that you not pry into our past, nor read too much into any oddities you see. You'll get the wrong idea otherwise."

"I see," Haku replied. "Sure, I can do that." But, by Haku's tone, Naruto knew that Haku didn't quite understand why, but was willing to go along with the request anyway.

"That said, I've got some sake, beer, and other spirits we could crack open when we get back, so you and Naruto can get to know each other," Akuma replied cheekily.

Haku raised an eyebrow. "You just want an excuse to get drunk, Akuma-sama," the mercenary ninja replied knowingly.

Akuma grinned unabashed. Naruto, the real one, had discovered a love of alcohol during his many escapades outside the village, and had fallen in love with it as hard as Tsunade had. Mostly he loved the fact that Kurama and his physiology meant that he could drink as much as he wanted and not go beyond a light buzz, simply because he could not drink it fast enough. Though that also meant he had to keep drinking almost constantly in order to maintain a buzz. Akuma, as Naruto's flesh-and-blood clone, had inherited all that from his original. Now, rich with stolen money and funded by a stolen company, Akuma could easily fund any vices he desired.

"Perhaps I do," Akuma admitted. He grinned lecherously. "Or perhaps I want to get you drunk."

Too gross feeling to want to get up to get something to drink, but too thirsty to be able to avoid it, Haku settled on taking a shower and simply drinking some of the hot water as it fell across his aching body. It was a good ache, though, one that the boy relished.

There was no real delicate way to put it — he'd been fucked in the ass, and he'd loved it. Somehow, and Haku was sure that it was all part of Akuma-sama's plan, Naruto had ended up joining them in bed. Haku had ended up sandwiched between the two giants, and had fallen asleep that way.

But it had also been an enlightening night for Haku. Akuma was a serious lover who fucked with passion. Naruto, however, was kinky, and had repurposed his various Asura path jutsu into sex tools, such as forming prehensile tentacles with his fingers, or using the path to grow an extra cock.

But with two demons lusting over him, he'd been exhausted rapidly. That's when they taught him how to use his chakra to boost his endurance and accelerate his recovery period. After that, they fucked on and off until morning.

In the breathers between rounds, they'd drank, ate, and talked some more. Haku found that he liked Naruto-sama almost as much as Akuma-sama, and Naruto, as far as Haku knew, didn't have Akuma's mind-altering jutsu.

After he finished with his shower, Haku dried himself off with a puff of wind chakra, made his way through the musky smelling bedroom, and went out into the living room. There, he saw Akuma standing over a seated Naruto, giving the blond a haircut, of all things. The blond's hair was much longer than it had been, as was Akuma's. Haku grabbed his own hair to see if it had grown and he just hadn't noticed, but no, it was just as long as usual.

As he got closer, the young Yuki realized that wasn't the only things that had changed. The most obvious was that Naruto now sported a pair of small horns to match Akuma's, but there were other changes as well. For one, Naruto's face seemed even more mature than usual, while Akuma's looked even more feral than usual. Both giants also had a thick layer of stubble on their jaws, as if they hadn't shaved in days even though they'd both been clean shaven last night.

"What happened to you two?"

"We're not entirely sure," Naruto replied, watching as more of his hair was snipped away. "This is new."

"Actually, I think I know what happened," Kurama supplied, though Haku couldn't hear him. "Body tissue that survives contact with our chakra undergoes a period of rapid growth. In a normal human, this causes aging or the development of tumors, but in someone with a resistance to our chakra's toxicity, it causes a different effect: healthy maturation-type cell division. It happened in Kushina when I was sealed within her, forcing her through puberty faster; it happened in Mito, keeping her youthful longer; and it happened in you, causing you to grow big and strong. Now, normally your own chakra would do this to your own body, but you immunized yourself to its effect when you first transformed at five. The only way it can happen again from your own chakra is if your chakra changes. Guess what happens when you eat someone?"

"My chakra changes," Naruto answered. "But how does that explain last night?"

"Both of your bodies have semi-isolated pools of chakra, kept apart simply by the extreme distance, and those pools were 'tainted' by different human chakras. Last night, each of your bodies expelled a lot of chakra on the other when you came, and then you spent the night in near constant physical contact. You were exposed to each other's and then the resulting mixture, which further matured each of your bodies."

"Great. Different chakra again. More chakra control exercises, it seems. Fuck, at this rate, I'm never going to have enough chakra control to reliably hold even a basic rasengan, let alone one of Minato-tousan's new elemental rasengans," Naruto bemoaned.

Inside the seal, Kurama shrugged. "I don't think that really matters; you can do your own bijūdama with as little control as you have, and that trumps the rasengan. Oh, and Haku's staring at you expectantly."

The Akuma body looked over its shoulders. "I'm sorry, Haku, did you say something?"

"I asked if you two felt well enough to spar today, but you two both zoned out at the same time," Haku said. "Perhaps you two should stay in bed, if you're feeling sick."

That made Akuma pause in his grooming of Naruto. "You know, I don't think I've ever been sick."

"Your immune system is full of demonic chakra; I'd think it would poison anything that infected you." Naruto filed that tidbit away under "odd things about his body."

Akuma finished trimming up his hair. Satisfied, Naruto went into the bathroom to shave his stubble. Meanwhile, Haku slid up to Akuma, Kunai in hand. "Want me to trim your hair, Akuma-sama?"

"Actually... what do you think about me keeping it longer? That, and a beard or goatee? Be honest, do you think it'll look cool?"

Haku scrutinized her master's face, even going so far as to reach up, grab his chin, and turn it side to side. "No. Your jawline is too pronounced to hide it under facial hair, you'll look better without it. The long hair can stay. It looks nice."

"But does it look cool, Haku-kun?"

"It's rather flat. Let it soak up some of your chakra so it's more buoyant; I think it'll form into some cool spikes," Haku replied.

Akuma blinked in surprise; Naruto hadn't even known that hair did that. Sure, he'd seen Jiraiya use his hair as a weapon, but he'd always assumed that that was something complicated, so the idea of augmenting his hair with chakra hadn't even occurred to him. Clapping his hands together, Akuma forced his chakra up and out his head, letting it soak into the length of his hair; sure enough, it ballooned outwards into a spiky mane that seemed to defy gravity. "Well, what do you know?"

Haku had an idea. Grabbing Akuma's arm, he pulled the demon down so that he could see eye-to-eye with him. Then he grabbed two locks of Akuma's hair, one from each side of his head, and pulled them together in front of his chest. Then, with a little chakra ice, Haku froze the two locks together to form a single, necklace-like lock of hair that hung just below his chin. "There. Now it looks like a lion's mane around your head."

Akuma looked in a nearby mirror. "Oh, so it does. I like it."

"I'm glad."

"Now, once Naruto-kun is done shaving, we should begin his training."

"Yes, Master."

Five days later, and at around three in the afternoon, Minato and Jiraiya appeared next to a specific hiraishin kunai. It was the one Minato had given his son, and the one that he had been instructed to leave in a safe place should he not be able to meet them at the appropriate time. They immediately took in their surroundings, and saw what appeared to be a simple bedroom, sparsely decorated, with a futon in the center and some discarded clothes that they recognized as Naruto's.

Minato, spotting the hiraishin kunai, picked it up to get at the note underneath. "If I'm not here, training with Akuma-niisan and Haku-san went long. You can jump to the mark on my back, but aim high and watch the landing. Naruto," Minato read aloud. "He also drew a picture of himself standing on the ocean."

"Interesting. I wonder if he's actually practicing sea combat," Jiraiya mused. He placed his hand on his student's shoulder. "Ready."

They disappeared in a flash. From inside the technique, they had a short instant of paused time in which Minato navigated the constellation of markers. Finding the one he was looking for, Minato completed the technique and materialized at precisely the same moment he left.

They landed on ice, and immediately had to dodge backwards to avoid the incoming strike. An instant later, they had their grip on the ice and their weapons drawn, only for their assailant to relax and rest his weapon — an oversized, makeshift kanabō — against his shoulder.

"Sorry about that. You appeared at exactly the wrong moment," the brown-haired giant remarked.

The iceberg beneath them lurched, and a masked shinobi emerged from the ice. "I told you two were going to be late," the ninja said.

"Hey, Minato-tousan, ero-sennin." The ice lurched again. "Sorry we're late."

"That's no problem, Naruto," Minato replied. "Though, what ocean are we in? Icebergs don't come as far south as Nami."

Akuma jerked his thumb in Haku's direction. "They do when you have a hyōton user. Say hello to the Hokage, Haku Yuki-kun."

He bowed and removed his mask. "A pleasure to meet you, Hokage-sama, and your companion?"

Minato glanced over at his sensei, fully expecting him to do his introductory routine. Instead, Jiraiya was staring at Haku, jaw fully dropped. For a long, awkward few seconds, the Toad Sage didn't move. Then, "What the hell? 'Kun?' That's a boy? He's cuter than most women!"

Haku chuckled. "I never get tired of seeing that. Yes, I'm a boy, as Akuma-sama can very well attest."

Jiraiya collected himself. "Ahem. Yes, well, to the boy who's mastered the art of being adorable, I am the Gallant Toad Sage of Mount Myōboku, Jiraiya!"

Haku bowed again. "A pleasure, Jiraiya-sama."

"So, Akuma-san," Minato said. "It's a pleasure to officially meet you. I suppose that since you're Naruto's cousin on his other father's side, you may call me Minato-jisan."

"Thank you, Minato-t... -jisan," Akuma replied, nearly slipping up with the honorific.

"So, tell me, how has Naruto been?" Minato asked.

"Excellent! He's a fine guest, good company, and a good student! Well, he seems like one, anyway. Haku's been more of the one to train him in combat, as he has formal ninja training whereas I haven't."

"Don't sell yourself short, Master," Haku replied. "You are quite nimble for your size, and you can hit very hard with your Kanabō."

"Yes, well... That's beside the point. All I really feel like I'm doing is giving him a place to practice without prying eyes and where he can spill as much of his toxic chakra as he wants without hurting anyone. I just give him some pointers here and there," Akuma replied. "But it's helped. I've seen him improve. Hopefully, it's enough for his Chūnin exams."

Then Akuma whacked his forehead. "Gah! I just remembered! Naruto, I bought tickets for Haku and I to come see you fight in the finals."

Naruto faked a joyous, surprised expression. "Really? That's great!"

"Well, if he wants to do well, he'd better be training hard," Minato said as he drew out a kunai. "Ready, Naruto?"

"You bet!"

"They still buying it?"

"I think so. Just play it safe, because the perverted sage was eyeing Akuma with suspicion."

"Jiraiya is Konoha's spymaster. He's always suspicious, even when he doesn't look it."

"He would make a great kitsune if he didn't smell so much like toads. Even through your nose, I could smell him, and he was making me hungry." A beat passed. "I wish you would just leave those humans, Kit. They're the only kind of people in the world capable of hurting you, and you want to hang out in their den."

"Tousan, all my friends and family live there! I can't just leave."

"So take them with you, or visit. But Kit, they'll turn on you eventually. You'll get progressively less human as time goes on, and the villagers will grow to hate you more and more. They'll want to use you, and unlike Haku, you won't be used well. And what happens when you outlive your father's reign? What happens when you outlive your friends and family? Look, I've seen this happen before, and not just with my siblings. And unless you want to brainwash them all, all the time, you'd better be ready to face reality."

"You're really a downer today, Kurama-tousan."

"I'm just being realistic."

Minato glanced out the window of his office. It had been exactly three weeks since he'd first met Akuma in Nami, meaning that the tournament was only a day away. From his vantage point, he could see the two foreigners and his son as they waited at a dango stand near the base of the tower. Akuma, having managed to learn the henge jutsu from Haku, looked like a thirty year old, brown haired Jiraiya, which actually blended surprisingly well with Konoha's populace.

In Minato's hand, he held a folder containing all the information they knew on the man, compiled by Naruto and Jiraiya. In some ways, it was a lot, as evidenced by the sheer thickness of it. In others, it was depressingly little.

They had no information on his family, history, or motivations, and distressingly little on his powers or the reach of his economic might. But power and money he had in spades, that much was obvious. And what was also obvious was that even if the oni hadn't been formally trained and barely knew what a chakra control exercise was, he was aware of his own chakra and could use it.

After all, with only a single shinobi at his side, he'd managed to take over an entire yakuza group and all their businesses, trimmed the economic fat off of them, broke up the front businesses and absorb them into his own companies, and then legitimized them into real businesses. And he'd done it all within two months. Sure, the corrupt laws of Nami that allowed men like Gatō to operate easily also aided Akuma, but they couldn't account for everything. It was all too smooth, and Minato knew that the Konoha Intelligence Department was going to have a field day figuring this man out.

Meanwhile, the man who had effectively replaced Gatō was buying his son dango. Sure, the newly prospering Nami loved him like a hero, and sure, he wasn't strangling the economy like his predecessor, but the man held a lot of power.

Of course, if Akuma ever decided to hire Konoha's ninja, or better yet, ally with Konoha, all those worries would be put aside. After all, Konohagakure was a business made of professional killers.