"Attention to orders!" Admiral Barnett announced into the microphone and his voice was carried throughout the assembly hall. Every person, student, instructor, and officer stood abruptly to the position of attention. "Awarding Jennifer T. Kirk with the Starfleet Commendation Medal."
"For outstanding meritorious service as a junior tactical officer in the grade of acting ensign on Star Date 2256.83 (23rd March 2256). Acting Ensign Jennifer Kirk displayed remarkable competence well above expectations when she led a small group of cadets to regain control of the USS Aldrin from members of the terrorist group Purity of Earth who had commandeered the vessel. Acting Ensign Kirk's dedication to duty coupled with her knowledge and abilities was critical to the safety of one hundred and twenty crew members, as well as that of the citizens of the planet Vulcan. Her commendable performance is in keeping with the finest traditions of Starfleet service and reflects credit upon herself, her crew, and the United Federation of Planets."
Jennifer was standing at attention during the awards ceremony that followed a week after the Aldrin's return to earth to receive an award of commendation for her actions aboard the Aldrin, along with Uhura, Michaels, Mitchell, and Savage. The other three cadets had already received their awards, and now Jennifer was standing for hers. Captain Thompson moved forward to place the medal on Jennifer's uniform. Those on leave were called back two days early in order to attend the ceremony.
Jennifer saluted Captain Thompson and he saluted back.
She couldn't even really hear the words that were being spoken, but she reacted as she was required to. Rehearsals did have one advantage.
Jennifer was not, however, prepared for the next announcement. So, when Admiral Barnett's voice sounded evenly throughout the assembly hall, Jennifer couldn't help but look shocked.
"Attention to orders!" Admiral Barnett called again. "The President of the United Federation of Planets has reposed special trust in confidence in the patriotism, valor, fidelity, and abilities of Jennifer T. Kirk, Nyota U. Uhura, Evan T. Michaels, and Gary A. Mitchell. In view of these qualities and their demonstrated potential for increased responsibility, they are therefore promoted to Ensign with a date of rank of Star Date 2256.90 (30th March 2256)." Admiral Barnett finished and Captain Pike, Commander Spock, Commander Jareel, and Captain Robbins all stepped forward to each newly promoted Ensign respectively to pin on the small circular insignia to the collars of their uniforms.
Jennifer didn't think she deserved an award. She didn't think she deserved anything. She had gotten Commander Basilone killed. She definitely didn't think she deserved to be promoted.
"Let us take a moment of silence to remember those who are unable to be with us today, and for the newest member of our fallen heroic comrades, Commander Johnathan Basilone." Admiral Barnett announced. The assembly hall which had just seconds ago been buzzing with whispers, applause, and general noise, had immediately fell silent.
"Attention to orders!" Admiral Barnett called out once more. "The Starfleet Medal of Honor is posthumously awarded to Commander Johnathan A. Basilone." The hall was still silent as Admiral Barnett read off the citation that accompanied the highest award that a Starfleet officer could receive.
"For extraordinary heroism and conspicuous gallantry in action against the terrorist group Purity of Earth, above and beyond the call of duty, while serving aboard the USS Aldrin on Star Date 2256.83 (23rd March 2256). Having ensured the safety of his captain and assisting in the capture and incarceration of three terrorists aboard the USS Aldrin, successfully navigated and assisted in the capture of eight more terrorists aboard a small cargo vessel intent on the destruction of the USS Aldrin. After transporting to the small cargo ship primed to explode, and threatening to destroy itself, as well as act as a signal to sleeper agents on the planet Vulcan, and destroy any nearby ships, Commander Basilone entered the warp core compartment and containment field at great risk to his life to manually deactivate the charges by disabling their connection to the warp core itself. His great personal valor and courageous initiative were in keeping with the highest traditions of the Starfleet and the United Federation of Planets."
Jennifer felt her tears threaten to unleash once more, but she held them at bay. She would not break down here, in front of the whole of the academy and plus some.
After the ceremony, Jennifer found her way to Pike's office. She didn't want to go, she wanted to go straight to her room and pass out. She didn't want the congratulations of anyone, least of all those she was close to. She hadn't been able to talk to anyone the entire trip back to Earth, and even after that she had to be debriefed by the admiralty before being allowed to even think about going to her room. She was allowed to, however, attend the memorial service for Commander Basilone. She hadn't talked to anyone, stating she was tired and not up for it, not even Chris. So, when he demanded that she report to his office following the ceremony, she had no choice but to comply.
Christopher Pike's office was empty, but open. Jennifer took this to mean that she was supposed to go inside and wait, which she did feeling once more as her body were moving of its own accord and she was just a passenger along for the ride.
She didn't know how much time has passed sitting on her mentor's couch, but soon she heard voices coming from right outside, talking in hushed tones, but not too hushed for her to hear. The voices pulled her out of the floating daydream she was having and slammed her back into her own body.
"She's ready for it. Change her schedule around to fit it in." An elderly man's voice, still strong. Jennifer thought she recognized the voice, but she wasn't operating at anywhere close to one hundred percent efficiency.
"She just got back from that…. That mess. She's not ready. Not yet. She hasn't even had time to mourn." The voice she knew was Chris shot back at the other man.
"Look, Chris, I know that. I'm not an idiot. I want her to succeed just as much as you do. But I'm telling you this now, she's ready. Let her mourn, let her grieve, but she's ready." The elder man sighed loudly after a pause in his speech. "She has to be, Chris. She has to be. You don't know how many people are going to be after her now, some good, and a whole lot of them bad. Some of the bad ones outrank you and I can only pull off so much with everyone else. Including them."
"Them!? You're kidding, right? No way those guys are gonna go after her yet. It's too early. She hasn't even made it through the first two semesters yet." Christ sounded astounded, shocked even at whatever the elder man's suggestion was.
"They will. They've already started to move, to watch. That's why I want to pull her in sooner, before someone else can get to her. She can handle it, Chris, you know this."
"Just, let her grieve first. This whole fiasco, it will have opened up a whole bunch of really old wounds. You know the ones I'm talking about. John, please, just let her have some space first." Chris pleaded with the man, John. Jennifer thought for a moment, and cloudy as her brain was, she could still connect the dots. He was right, of course, it did open up a bunch of old wounds.
She'd felt like she was bleeding out at first, metaphorically speaking. But she was starting to cauterize the wounds. She had to. It was the only way to survive.
"I will. Can't have her start the academy course until after this semester. You'll look at her schedule and make it happen?" John asked Chris in a way that was clearly an order. "Good. But she'll start the training soon. Before summer. By the time summer comes, she's going to be tested again. Oh don't look like that, you had no idea this cruise was going to turn out like that!" John scoffed, wheezing a bit when he did. John. An elderly man, still very much involved in Starfleet, a voice that she recognized, that sounded familiar…
"Yeah, but I knew something fishy was going on when you and Barnett handed me a list of cadets and told me to tell them about a training cruise, to make sure they got on the shuttle. She thinks I put the damn thing together for crying out loud." Chris snapped.
"She may have at first, but I think you're not giving your protégé enough credit, Chris. Even you don't have that kind of pull. Not with what was going on. I'm just upset that shit hit the fan like it did. It wasn't supposed to. Either way, I want to meet with her in my office. Three days. After her last class, casual dress. She's not allergic to beagles, is she?" John, the Johnathan Archer asked Chris finally.
"No, I don't think she is, but I'll double check to make sure. Lord knows the girl has enough allergies. By all rights she should be… well that doesn't matter. I'll let her know to drop by, you good old man?" Chris asked.
"You'll be coming with her. And yeah, I'm fine, just, it's getting harder and harder to deal with you hero legend types, ya know? Old age ain't what it's cracked up to be." John laughed, causing Chris to laugh too.
"Well, if you're trying to tell me not to go buy some crazy magical aging potion, don't worry, I won't. I'm barely ten years older than that kid and she's already giving me gray hairs." Chris replied, laughing but serious. He was actually a little less than 12 years older than Jennifer. Her birthday was in January, his was in November.
"Well, I need to get going, no doubt T'Pol will have my ass if I don't get back in time for dinner. Three days, Chris. I want to see that girl in three days." John said. Jennifer knew he left because less than a minute later Chris was walking into his office.
"Well, good you're finally here. Don't bother getting up, I know you're exhausted, and rightly so." Chris told Jennifer when he walked in, shutting the door behind him, and Jennifer started to stand up from the couch. Silently she was thanking him for not wanting her to adhere to customs and courtesies. "So here's how this is going to go. You're going to talk. I don't care how long it takes, I don't care if you scream at me. Because you're going to talk. You need to. Then you're going to take the next two days off, don't worry I've already cleared it with your instructors. They won't be expecting you in class until Tuesday. On Tuesday you're going to go back to class, and then after class is done, you'll go meet with Admiral Archer. He wants to talk to you."
Jennifer looked at him, as if he was half crazed for a moment, and then sighed. "He was the one talking to you outside just now." She said, not bothering to make it a question. Chris would see right through it and she knew it.
"So you heard that, huh? Yeah, he was." Chris replied taking his dress uniform top off to reveal his black undershirt. "I'm sorry kid, I know you don't want this, but shit just got really interesting for you."
"He's going to put me in ATT, isn't he?" Jennifer asked, having already figured out what the group of cadets were supposed to be being tested for on the Aldrin before shit went sideways. ATT was the invite only top tier tactical training course at the academy. Usually students were recommended while taking the Advanced Tactical Analysis course, tested in some fashion, and then placed in the training program if their recommendation garnered an invite, well, if they passed said 'test'. Sometimes, in rare cases, a student might be invited without a recommendation if he or she displayed exceptional tactical acumen during a training cruise, or another 'holy fuck' type of situation. As was the case for Jennifer.
"Yeah, I think so. We'll have to move your schedule around a bit, I know you sent one to Spock awhile back, I looked at it. Shouldn't change too much though." Chris replied, sitting down at his desk, looking completely worn out.
"Shit happens." Jennifer shrugged, sagging back into the couch. She couldn't wait to get out of her dress uniform.
"Doesn't it?" Chris agreed. "Look kid," he sighed, "I'm not going to ask if you're okay. I know you're not. But I will ask you this, try not to beat yourself up too badly, okay? You did what you could and you saved a slew of lives in the process. Commander Basilone, John, he wouldn't want you to be feeling guilty about his decisions, okay?"
Jennifer looked at her mentor, the closest thing she'd had to a father, and if it had been anyone else telling her this, she might have snapped in anger. As it was she sank even deeper into Chris' office couch.
"Two seconds." Jennifer whispered staring at the ceiling. "If he had waited two seconds, he would still be alive." She said louder this time, her gaze coming to lock directly with Chris' eyes. "Two fucking impossibly long and yet much too short seconds and Commander John Basilone would be alive. Two seconds and one of the Federation's most badass tactical officers would be sitting here with me, probably sharing a glass of bourbon. Two fucking seconds and his daughter wouldn't be an orphan. Two mother fucking seconds, Chris!" Jennifer didn't cry this time, she'd cried all she could. Instead, the pulsating white hot rage built up inside, threatening to explode right in front of her mentor.
"Did I ever tell you about my encounter with the Rigellians?" Chris asked, suddenly.
"No, but I know about it. Everyone does. It was like what, two years ago or something? Right before the Enterprise started getting built?" Jennifer asked. She knew it was.
"Yeah, well it was also the last mission Commander Basilone did before transferring to the Aldrin." Chris said. "He was with me and Yeoman Cusack when fell into the trap. He was the reason I survived, even barely. He'd just gotten word before that mission about his ex-wife passing, leaving his daughter to him, and he had just put his transfer in, but I managed to keep him on for that mission. Good thing too, because he saved my ass, at great risk to his life. He would have died, too, if we didn't get beamed out at the last second." Jennifer nodded, not having heard Chris' personal version of the mission.
"We beamed into a trap. We were supposed to attend a ceremony at the Zentar fortress, but the Kaylar, the warrior elite were staging a coup, and I was taken hostage. The fortress was a trap. Basilone took Cusack with him, the security team had been killed almost immediately after beam down but Basilone was quick, knew something was up the first second we materialized, would have gotten me down and out of the way too but I was too far away from him at the time. Fucking captains and their prerogative to lead from the front. It's what we do, but sometimes, it just isn't a sound tactical decision." Chris paused, took a bottle of bourbon from his desk and poured himself a drink. Offered one to Jennifer who walked over and poured herself one as well.
"Anyway, so I was taken hostage and placed in this supposedly impenetrable fortress, those damn traditionalists! Basilone and Cusack managed to get to me, though, somehow. The man was brilliant, and Cusack wasn't just a regular yeoman. I can't even tell you how many Basilone neutralized, it isn't in the mission log because I didn't know, and I didn't ask. Basilone managed to subdue five Kaylar warriors who were guarding me, but Talza, the one who'd taken me was too quick and killed Cusack quickly, didn't even give the poor man a chance. Talza turned on me then, realizing he was compromised and started to give me the worst beating I've ever had in my life. Basilone got to Talza before Talza could deliver a lethal blow to me though. He was covered in Rigellian blood. From head to toe. Looked like a more terrifying image the 21st century Rambo, I swear." Chris took a long drink of his bourbon before he continued.
"He saved my life, Jenn. And a bunch of other's too. Basilone was just that kind of man. He put himself before anyone else, and he had a brilliant mind. Scary brilliant. After that, I didn't want to let him go, but I did. Sure he got his awards and shit, but he never cared about them. It was life he cared about, and he would have happily sacrificed himself for another. That's what he did with you. He entered that warp core with the knowledge he was giving up his life, and he did it without hesitation. Maybe there was a part of him that was done. I don't know, but I don't blame him, you've seen his service record by now I have no doubt. The man, well his service record only paints half a picture. He was MACO, before he joined Starfleet, like you, did a stint with Section 31 too from what I heard. Trust me when I say this, Jenn, he knew exactly what he was doing. This isn't on you. It's not your fault. The only one who could have killed John Basilone was John Basilone." Chris finished his monologue by draining his glass of bourbon. Jennifer did the same.
Chris poured another drink, motioned for Jennifer to get a refill and pulled out a third glass, filling it up.
"To John Basilone." Chris raised his glass, Jennifer followed suit, still standing at his desk. Both clinked their glasses to the one on his desk.
"To John Basilone." Jennifer repeated before the two drank to the toast.
Jennifer went back to sit on his couch, the heaviness of loss was still very present within her mind, but she knew at least, she wasn't alone in mourning.
"Just do him proud, kid. You may not have known him long, but I know he saw in you what I do. What Archer does. Don't waste it, kid." Chris said finally. "Now go get some rest. And put on some damn pants! It's criminal you wearing a dress like that in front of your old man!" Chris laughed, teasingly. It made Jennifer chuckle, and that was really what Chris was aiming for.
Three days later and Jennifer was internally freaking out about her meeting with Admiral Archer. Everyone in the entire Federation knew who he was, Starfleet Cadets even more so. Jennifer felt like she knew his history as well as he did, and she probably did.
"Calm down, kid, it's going to be fine. You're not in trouble, you know that. Otherwise you'd be in uniform, not civies." Chris told her. They were waiting outside Admiral Archer's office, he hadn't finished his prior meeting. "Breathe." Chris couldn't help but laugh at her, she was usually cool and collected. The brass didn't exactly intimidate her as they perhaps should, but Admiral Archer was a living, breathing Federation Hero. To Jennifer Kirk, meeting with him personally was akin to being able to meet her late father, maybe more.
"It's just…Admiral Archer, THE Johnathan Archer wants to meet with me. Personally. I don't get it. I'm not special." Jennifer squeaked out. She purposely didn't mention the fact that she had felt the same way about meeting Hoshi Sato years ago, and Chris didn't bring it up either.
"You'll be fine, kid. As long as you remember how to breathe, that is." Chris laughed again just as the door to Admiral Archer's office opened, an officer Jennifer didn't recognize stepped out and she didn't get a clear look at the man's uniform to see his rank either.
"Pike get your asses in here! I know you're out there waiting with Kirk!" Both Chris and Jennifer heard Admiral Archer shout from within his office. Chris laughed again and Jennifer tensed.
Chris looked at Jennifer asking with one eyebrow if she was going to get up and walk into the office or not. "After you, kid."
Jennifer walked into Admiral Archer's office, snapped to the position of attention and before she could render a salute and report he cut her off. Chris had already made his way to a chair and was silently chuckling.
"None of that shit! Sit down, Kirk!" Archer waved her off. Jennifer was frozen for a moment, confused. "Sit down, and that's an order!" Jennifer decided that since she was being ordered to sit down, she should. She sat next to Chris in the chair to his left. "And before you start addressing me formally, leave that crap at the door and for the company of other officers. I hate that shit." Jennifer was shocked, well more than she should have been, really. He was considered to be somewhat of a cowboy, even during his prime, but Jennifer didn't expect his flagrant disregard for formalities.
"Now, I wanted you here today to go over your academic schedule for the upcoming fall semester. I want you in Advanced Tactical Analysis next semester, not the following one, and I want you to start your Advanced Tactical Training just as soon. Yes, before you ask, this is an official invite to the ever so prestigious training course. No, it's not required, but you'd do well to accept the invitation. I'm not going to sit here and toot your horn, Chris has already said you have an ego large enough to cover the entire state of California, but I will say this, you're good, Kirk. We need minds like yours in Starfleet, and the ATT course will only help refine your skills. I also know that being ATT rated will put you leagues above other captains when your time comes to be called to the chair."
Jennifer was stone silent. Partially from shock, partially still reeling at the fact that she was sitting across from Admiral Johnathan Archer. She just nodded.
"I know you can speak, Kirk. So, what do you say?" Archer asked, folding his arms over his chest.
"I'd be honored, sir." Jennifer replied, shakily. Chris busted up into loud boisterous laughter as did the Admiral.
"Of course you would! You better pass muster, Kirk. I'm putting my reputation on the line for you." Archer teased her. Jennifer blanched.
"Oh relax, kid. He's just messing with you. Well, mostly." Chris gave Jennifer a light slap on the back.
"I'm having a barbeque at my house at the end of the semester, after you pass survival training that is. I expect both of you to be there. Now, get. Go study and go do captainly things. I've got shit to do." Archer shooed them. "Chris," Archer called, halting the older of the two young adults, "I know she'll pass the next tactics exam easily, make sure to fix her schedule officially afterwards. I'm expecting her to take part in a duty tour this summer, and I want her to have a better leg to stand on than this last fiasco."
"Will do, John." Chris agreed before exiting the office.
"Is he always like that?" Jennifer exhaled when Chris stepped out of the office shutting the door behind him.
"With everyone? No. With people he sees the potential for greatness in? Yes. Get used to it, Kid. He likes you. And he's much scarier than he should be at nearly 150 years old." Chris said.
Jennifer knew the man was old, his birthdate was actually a Federation holiday. But he definitely didn't look that old. She didn't even think it was possible for a human to be that old. But Hoshi had been nearly as old as well.
"I know that look, kid. It's the look everyone else has when they finally realize just how old the man is, even though everyone actually does know. If you want the true story, you'll have to hear it from him. All I'll say is this, that crew, the crew of the first Enterprise, encountered several different alien races, were the first humans those aliens ever came into contact with, and although many of those interactions were definitely hostile, some were completely the opposite." Chris explained. Jennifer gathered he meant that the Enterprise crew probably had been changed somehow, some way that wasn't public knowledge, by an alien race and gifted with longevity of life or something very much akin to it.
"I don't even know what to say to that, so okay." Jennifer replied lamely as the two continued to walk out of the area.
"I know the feeling. And Jenn," Chris stopped walking, causing Jennifer to stop as well, "it's okay to grieve, but don't let the grief swallow you. People live and people die, the best way to honor their memory is to keep on living."
Jennifer looked at Chris for a moment, trying to decide what he meant, if she should be angry at him for saying so, because she felt the anger rise again. But she knew he was right. She'd lost plenty of people already, and there wasn't a point in dwelling on that loss, letting it weaken you. The only thing to do was to take that loss and let it strengthen you instead.
"I won't let it happen again, Chris." Jennifer said with renewed determination. "Never again."
Chris just looked at her, slightly dumbfounded at the swift turnaround, more so disheartened. Disheartened because he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his protégé, the girl he had kept tabs on throughout her life, and the woman he had taken under his wing , who was as much of a daughter to him as she could be, would become one of the greatest captain's Starfleet had yet to bear witness too. And he knew, he knew that with greatness came great responsibility, and great burdens. He knew that the burdens Jennifer Kirk carried with her now would only begin to increase as she moved through the ranks of Starfleet. He also knew she wasn't done grieving, and that it would take time for her to heal again. For that, he was disheartened, that someone who shone as brightly as she did, had and would continue to bear witness to the darkness that existed in the universe.
Classes continued on, and Jennifer mourned, but endured on with determination. She did, however, take Chris' words to heart. She wasn't going to let the grief swallow her. She knew there was a lesson to learn from the death of John Basilone, at least one, and she took it to heart. How many captains have lost crew members? Friends? Loved ones? Jennifer had lost all three, and she wasn't done losing people, somewhere deep down, try as she might to not, she knew it was true, inevitable.
Inevitable, however, did not mean she would just accept it. No, Jennifer Kirk was nothing if not stubborn.
She took to her classes with new fervor. Most were not as challenging as she would like them to be, but she was even more determined to soak up every word and every single meaning that her instructors taught. She may have also taught the instructors a thing or too, but she wasn't sorry. It wasn't her fault if they didn't know everything, and that she was kind of a genius. But she did study regardless. She studied, and then studied even more. More than she had the last semester, so much so that her best friend barely saw her nose outside of a book. So much so that her best friend, Leonard McCoy, dubbed Bones, began to feel neglected in their friendship.
But he understood. He understood how loss could drive someone to push their limits, and beyond. His father's death had done the same to him. So while he was worried, about Jennifer's health, both physical and mental, he knew not to disrupt her. He knew it was part of the healing process. What he didn't know, is that Jennifer wasn't just healing from Commander Basilone's death, she was attempting to defy the universe on nothing more than her own stubbornness.
Finals came, and went. Jennifer passed each final with near perfect marks in each class. She even tested out of the tactics 201 course with exceedingly high marks. And when she wasn't happy about her success, Bones didn't quite understand, but he didn't say anything either.
The summer was just about to begin, and with it a Starship duty tour for Jennifer, and a few other promising cadets, the ones that had been with Jennifer during the Aldrin incident. She still didn't know what ship she would be assigned to, but she had the feeling she would be serving in tactical again. Such was the way of these things. But first, Jennifer had to pass the mandated survival week all first year cadets were required to complete.
"I'm telling you, Bones, you're going to want to be on my team." Jennifer told her friend who was sitting next to her in the shuttle, swearing and cursing the 'deathtrap' he was strapped in.
"You just want me on your team so you can feel better about getting hurt." Bones grumbled. He knew why they had to do the survival training, in case they ever ended up stranded on a planet, it didn't mean he had to like it.
"I'm not going to get hurt. And no one else on my team is either." Jennifer promised sternly. She wouldn't accept it. Jennifer was chosen as a team leader for the survival training. This year's survival training would be held right in the heart of the Californian Mojave desert. It meant that she would be responsible for about six cadets and leading them through the dry hot days and cold nights. The objective was simple, get from point A to point B and survive.
"Bullshit. People are always getting hurt on these cute little expeditions." Bones argued, then sighed reluctantly. "But I suppose, if it would make you feel better, I'll try to be on your team. No one else can keep up with your damn allergies anyway, and Pike would kill someone if they let you die because you found something else you're allergic to."
"Aw, thanks, Bonsey! Just think of how fun it's gonna be!" Jennifer exclaimed childishly.
"Fun my ass." Bones mumbled in reply.
Later on, Bones would most certainly not regret having decided to join Jennifer's team during survival week. She'd found at least three different things she was allergic to, and was bit by a snake twice. Her team, miraculously made it through the training without so much as a scratch, but Bones wasn't the only one that noticed Jennifer's extremely overprotective attitude when it came time to cross a sand lake. One which notoriously was full of scorpions, snakes, and the occasional natural sand covered pit.
On the last night of the week long trek through the desert, Jennifer was wide awake on watch, as she had been every night and Bones finally cornered her. One of the team's cadets had almost fallen off a steep cliff they'd been walking on and Jennifer had barely managed to grab the cadet by hi army and pull him back from the edge. Needless to say, she was taking it hard. Jennifer was sitting on a rock perched on a small hill overlooking the now sleeping cadets, taking up watch as she did every night at the same time for the past week. Bones walked up the hill and sat down next to her, noticing her gaze was fixed on the clear starry night sky. They sat like that, next to one another, for some time before any words were spoken.
"It's okay to be human, you know?" Bones said softly, trying to figure out what Jennifer was seeing in the stars. "Nobody's perfect, Jenn."
Jennifer didn't look at him, she simply moved closer to him, inching slightly in front of him before leaning back to rest on his body. Bones wrapped an arm around her kindly.
"I know that, Bones. I just, I can't… I have to be better than just good, you know?" Jennifer said.
"You are, Jenn. You're pretty damn amazing, even if you don't think so. You're brilliant, smarter than me even, sometimes anyway. You do have a penchant for trouble, I'll give you that." Bones chuckled softly, pulling her closer to him. "But you're still human. And it wasn't your fault. I don't know why you're taking it as hard as you are, but you don't deserve to think you're at fault."
"I just… I hate death, Len. A kid could have died today because I wasn't paying attention until the last second." Jennifer sighed, and Bones knew that her calling him Len meant that she was, well, emotional. Jennifer didn't often get emotional, unless you counted angry or couldn't see through her ridiculously gleeful façade she normally held. "I'm twenty three years old and I've seen enough death to span life-times. I just… I hate it, that's all."
"I'm not going to ask, because honestly I don't know if I would like the answer, but you can talk to me, you know that right? I'll listen. I haven't pushed because I get it, what loss feels like, what it can drive someone to do, but I'm here, okay? I know this is more than just about today, and more than just about what happened over spring break." Bones replied kindly, and still somewhat worried.
Sure, the two could argue and banter back and forth as if they hated each other sometimes, but that just how they were. At the end of the day, Jennifer had gotten under Bones' skin so easily, so completely, he just worried about her constantly. They'd only known each other for a year, but it felt like a life-time already. And Bones was going to be damned if the woman who'd gotten his daughter back to him, the woman he called a best friend, the woman who he'd spent far too much time in his opinion making sure wasn't going to die of one allergic reaction or another would shoulder the grief of loss and death on her own. In his humble opinion, Jennifer Kirk just didn't deserve that, whatever anyone else might think. He saw her for what she truly was. A wonderful, caring, and brilliant individual with a lack of self-preservation when it came to others' lives.
"I'm going to tell you something, and I need you not to react to it, okay?" Jennifer asked cautiously, as if whatever it was that she was going to say would break the bond of friendship that existed between the two.
"With a warning like that I don't know if I can promise anything, but I'll try." Bones replied, somewhat scared of what it was Jennifer had seemingly randomly decided to inform him of.
"I'm serious, Len." Jennifer moved out of his arms and looked straight at him, pulling his gaze to her as well. It was dark, sure, pitch dark, but the luminescence of the night sky and moon were more than enough for him to see the absolute seriousness on her face. The vulnerability, of the likes he had yet to witness from her. "There are people sleeping and I need you to promise me that you won't react and wake them up."
Bones looked at her intensely, as if he was trying to puzzle out the secret she'd arbitrarily decided to trust him with.
"Okay." He answered somewhat lamely.
"God, I really picked a hell of a time for this, I need a drink. But hey, no time like the present eh?" Jennifer inhaled a deep breath, steeling herself for the moment she had been preparing for. The moment she knew would come eventually. "Tarsus." She whispered. Bones instantly stiffened, wondering what the hell that god-forsaken planet had to do with anything Jennifer had could ever have been involved in. Wondering just why the hell she would bring it up.
"Basilone, was Tarsus all over again." Once Jennifer had started she found she couldn't stop. Chris had been right, she needed to tell someone, talk to someone, someone who hadn't been involved, someone who she trusted.
"I kept thinking, that if I had been faster, if I'd had more time, if I'd been better, that I could have saved him. And it was like Tarsus all over again. I knew something was wrong with the crops, but I just couldn't put it together at the time, not fast enough anyway. And then his men were patrolling the streets, I knew something was going on, that something big, something bad was going to happen, but I couldn't figure it out. Not fast enough anyway. And then the kids. God the kids." Jennifer was in tears now, and Bones found he couldn't move, not with his mind putting together the pieces of the puzzle he'd had all along except for the piece he was getting now.
"At first we didn't have weapons, but we needed to get rations. People were dropping on every excursion from the caves, from exhaustion, starvation …or getting caught. We need weapons. When I'd found a phaser, stole it actually, I knew I'd end up having to use it, end up having to kill to keep those kids alive, but I'd never taken a life. You never forget it, killing that is. The first time I did, I remember everything so clearly, as if it happened yesterday." Jennifer had turned away from Bones, facing outwards, looking at nothing in particular, but Bones found his gaze glued to Jennifer's face, unable to look away, as if he was caught looking at a horrible train wreck and powerless to do anything but watch it happen.
"I hesitated. Once. Two people died because of my hesitation. Because I froze. Because I wasn't fast enough. Because I couldn't shoot. I know I could've stunned the guard, made it easier to live with, but then we'd be found, and I definitely couldn't live with that. We were hiding in those caves for weeks. I was trying to fix an old comm unit, bring power to it, to get word out, since no one else would. But it was taking time, and supplies. I killed eighteen people there. Eighteen. And out of the twenty five of us hiding in the caves, only nine survived, including me. Seeing Basilone rushing into the warp core… it brought everything back. It made me feel like I still wasn't good enough, that I am just my father's last name and nothing more. It's why I've been so crazy lately, trying to prove everyone wrong. But mostly, trying to prove myself wrong."
Jennifer had tears steadily streaming down her face and Bones was in complete shock. His best friend had just admitted to being present at one of the Federation's most heinous disasters. The massacre of Tarsus IV. The famine, the completely fucked up eugenics. Kodos the Executioner. Jennifer was one of the Tarsus Nine.
Bones pulled Jennifer into a tight embrace and held her there for what seemed like forever before he spoke, just letting her silently cry into his dirty uniform. Then he let her go slowly, making sure to bring her face in line with his, to make her eyes see him. He held her face between his hands firmly but without pain, forcing her to look at him. He knew she hadn't told him everything, left out a bunch form what he could gather, but he wasn't one of the youngest practicing doctors in human history for nothing. He was somewhat of a genius himself, so he could put two and two together and get four.
"Jenn." Bones said, trying to ground her. "No one, I repeat no one, has the right to say that about you. You are by far one of the most brilliantly exceptional and strongest people I know. You've had a hard life, but you still hold fast to beliefs and morals so much that you value life above all. What you've been through, it would have broken most anyone else. But you didn't let it break you. You aren't broken at all. You went through that mess alone, but you aren't alone anymore. And I will be damned if I let you think so. Pike would be too. You were born for this shit, Jenn, and you're going to be amazing. You're going to be better than anyone ever has been, and god help me, I'm going to be right there with you, by your side, cursing you until the day I die of extremely old age because you're never going to let me live in peace. You don't have to be perfect, so stop trying. Perfection doesn't exist, but by my count, you already come pretty damn close."
"But…" Jennifer started to say and trailed off, speechless.
"But nothing, Jenn. You're fucking awesome and don't let anyone, or anything make you think differently. You're as stubborn as an ox, but you've got to get one thing straight. You're going to be the best damn captain that Starfleet has ever seen, and not because you're perfect, not because you grew up with a nice childhood and learned some stuff in the academy, but because you've been through what you have and you didn't let it break you. Because you're a brilliant stubborn woman who's already seen the horrors of the universe and keeps telling the universe to go move out of the way and go fuck itself. Because you, Jennifer Kirk, are going to take on the universe and fucking win."
Bones dropped his hands from her face and pulled her into another near bone-breaking hug. When he finally let her go he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, not after what she had just entrusted him with.
"Now go to sleep, these kids need you rested for the rest of the journey back to civilization in the morning."
The journey to point B, as Jennifer had thought of the arbitrary link up point was actually pretty easy the next day. There were no more climbing mountains and huge hills, only about four hours of walking (they had done most of the journey pretty quickly the past week). Her team was the first to get to the rendezvous point and as such were awarded with coffee and doughnuts. When going a week without caffeine or sugar, it was pretty much heaven on Earth.
"I see your team is the first back, good job, Cadet!" Jennifer heard the voice before she saw the man. She whipped around and had to fight the urge to run and hug Captain Christopher Pike.
"Yes, thank you, sir!" Jennifer said, rendering a salute.
"And no injuries either?" Chris asked somewhat skeptically.
"I had a couple of close calls, but nothing major." Jennifer replied.
"Yeah, that's because you had me to save you from yourself, ya infant!" Bones walked up and interjected, two coffees in hand. He handed one to Jennifer and greeted the captain.
"Oh my god! Bones! This is amazing! Thank you!" Jennifer exclaimed after having taken a long drink of her most coveted food group. Yes, Jennifer Kirk counted coffee as a food group of its own.
"Calm down, someone will think you've finally lost your marbles. It tastes like hot shit and mud water, but it's doing the job." Bones dismissed her exaggerated display of gratitude. He was just happy that she seemed to be in much better spirits than she was last night.
"Hot shit and mud water, McCoy?" Pike questioned.
"Maybe not that bad, sir. But it's a far cry from the good stuff." Bones replied. The man may be a captain, and Jennifer may see him as a father figure, but that didn't mean he couldn't insult a damn cup of coffee when it deserved to be called into question.
"Knock it off, Bones! It's coffee. After a week without it. I don't ever want to go so long without caffeine again!" Jennifer interrupted before anyone could remark on the coffee again.
Chris just looked at the woman as if she were half crazed, then to Bones as if to ask for clarification. Bones merely shrugged.
"Coffee is its own food group to her. Don't look at me, I'd rather have a mug of green tea."
"Green tea, really, Bones? Are you sure you're an overworked doctor?" Jennifer practically bellowed. "I know you drink coffee, I've seen it."
"Yeah, only when you keep me up at night howling at the moon because you can't sleep so you force me to watch some ridiculously stupid show with you. What's with those anyway? I've never felt my IQ drop so fast before except when I watch those horrid displays of people talking into a mic you call humor."
"It's called stand-up comedy, Bones. Get some culture, would you? I watch ancient t.v. shows with you!" Jennifer proclaimed as if she was offended. She wasn't.
"Only because they make you laugh as much as the ones you make me watch with you. Besides, I thought you liked House?" Bones asked, referencing his favorite out of the ancient television shows. He thought the medicine practiced was absolutely terrifying, barbaric even, but he could understand Dr. House's character well enough. No one seemed to appreciate the character's genius or personality.
"Oh, God! Not that one again! Don't let him rope you into it, sir. He'll go on and on about how horrible medicine was in the twenty-first century but commend the main character's apparent brilliance for the time, and his winning personality. Which it isn't. In fact, I think Bones is just a reincarnation of Dr. House. Don't look at me like that, watch one episode and you'll see what I mean!"
"I'll take your word for it, Kirk. I need a moment with you, if you don't mind." Chris replied.
"Sure, sure." Jennifer said. Chris motioned for her to follow him away from the gathering crowd and she did.
"When we get back to the academy you'll need to start packing. Orders came in for you duty tour. You'll be assigned to the USS Farragut under the command of Captain Stephen Garrovick for the next month and a half as a tactical officer working on the bridge." Chris informed her. Jennifer's jaw dropped.
"The Farragut?"
"The Farragut. Problem?"
"Not at all. I just thought that, well, I thought it would be something… less." Jennifer admitted.
"Nope. The Farragut. Captain Garrovick's heard of you, and he's looking forward to having you as part of his crew." Chris elaborated slightly. "You'll be fine. Admiral Archer is hosting a barbeque tonight, when we get back, you'll meet Garrovick there, as well as Chenowyth, his first officer."
"Barbeque? At Admiral Archer's? I'm invited…." Jennifer was, well, she was dumfounded purely on principle. "Isn't that like, against regs or something?" It wasn't, she knew it wasn't, but it felt like it should be.
"He told you about it when we met with him at the beginning of April, kid. Don't act so surprised." Chris laughed. "Be there no later than 1900 tonight. And for god's sake, bring McCoy. He looks like he could use a night off." Chris just turned around and headed for the other team's group leaders. He couldn't spend all his time chatting with his protégé, after all.
"Bones!" Jennifer called to her best friend. "Bones!"
"What, Jenn?" Bones answered exasperated. "What is it now?" He'd walked over to her.
"We're going to a barbeque tonight. And before you protest to it, it's pretty much an order. Chris told me to tell you. Pull out your fancy clothes, well not too fancy, it is a barbeque after all." Jennifer rambled.
"Barbeque? Where? Why in god's name would I want to go out tonight, after the week of hell we just endured?" Bones complained.
"Because it's Admiral Archer's barbeque! And Chris told me to bring you along!" Jennifer exclaimed happily, swinging her arm around her best friend's shoulder.
"The Admiral Archer?" Bones halted mid step.
"Yep, that one. Who else?" Jennifer grinned happily at her friend. "Don't worry, Bones, it'll be fun!"
Bones sighed, having started to become accustomed to trouble nearly always following that sentence when Jennifer used it. "Lord help me, you'll be the death of me someday, kid, I swear."
"Don't lie, you love it." Jennifer retorted happily.
"I must." Bones mumbled lowly, so lowly that Jennifer may not have heard his reply.