Author's Notes:
I apologize for the long gap in between posts, my RL situation hasn't changed and has been taking up all of my time. I can't say when next I will be able to post but know that I'm not giving up on this story and will work on it whenever I can.
I appreciate your patience and hope that you will continue to read and follow "Time".
A big thank you to FireArcade and Spcecadet for all their encouragement and suggestions; and special thanks to T for being uber-patient with all the (too numerous to mention) revisions that I put in front of her.
Chapter 20 – "Two Steps Back"
Lab (mid-morning two days later)
Nayara had been quietly observing Lauren the past couple of days. The blonde was definitely happy and wore a permanent smile on her face even when she was busy examining and testing samples under a microscope. She knew that Bo was the reason for her best friend's good mood and she prayed that the Succubus wouldn't hurt and disappoint her again.
"Hey. How're things progressing?" Nayara asked as she walked into the blonde's office.
Lauren looked up from her notes with a smile. "Hi! Really well! We are half-way through day two of the samples injected with serum 'Lima-109' and so far, the effects of the virus have halted and the sample seems stable." She said in an upbeat tone as she handed over her file to Nayara.
The brunette gave a faint smile. "If the samples are able to maintain stability past the 72 hour mark, we will be able to trial it." Nayara said as she scanned through the sheets of data.
"I'm trying not to get to excited but I have a good feeling about this Nay." The blonde said optimistically.
"I'd so love for you to be right." Nayara said as she looked up at Lauren. "But I suppose all we can do right now is monitor the samples and wait." she sighed out as she resumed her perusal of the data.
Lauren nodded in agreement. There were numerous serums currently being trialled by staff but thus far, hers was the only one that yielded any positive results. She had well over a hundred test serums fail before this and hoped that this would be the one that would remain stable. "Seeing that we are playing the waiting game, would you be able to do me a huge favour?" she asked hesitantly.
"Sure. What do you need?" the brunette asked slightly distracted by the data she was reviewing.
"Can you take Bo, Kenzi and I shopping?" she asked in a quick breath. "They don't have any gear for the forest and we'll probably be heading there soon." Lauren scrunched up her face knowing that she was asking her best friend to help the one person who was less than pleasant to her. "I know Bo has been difficult but could you? Please."
Nayara chuckled. "Okay but I'm only doing this for you and Kenzi." she said smiling. "Anyway it'll be a good break for all of us. I don't know about you but I'm getting cross-eyed from all the time I've been clocking in front of a microscope."
Lauren smiled. "Thanks Nay. I really appreciate it and they do too. When would be a good time?"
"How about early this afternoon?"
"Great! I'll let them know. We could go to the same place that you took me…that way, we know that they'll find what they need."
Nayara nodded in agreement just as her cell phone rang. After a few one word replies, she abruptly ended the call.
"Serena's awake and she is asking to speak to you!" she said excitedly.
Serena had been in a coma for nine days and as each day passed, the odds of her waking diminished further. However, the Ignis was a fighter and the medically imposed coma did as it was intended and helped accelerate her healing. But now that she was awake, her body was very aware of how broken it was; she was in extreme pain and the Fae morphine in her I.V. was the only thing dulling it. Serena had one leg and both arms in casts; her head was bandaged; and it hurt to breathe. Her body felt like one massive bruise; her head throbbed; and everything under the casts itched. To say that she was incredibly uncomfortable and grumpy would be an understatement.
Once the surprise of waking up in pain and discomfort passed and she was aware of her surroundings, it didn't take long for reality to sink in. Serena quickly got a hold of a nurse and instead of asking about her medical situation, she enquired about Dr. Lewis and was relieved to find out that she was alright. However, that relief was short lived as she remembered that she didn't tell her about the Succubus.
The Ignis stared up at the ceiling, groggily replaying what she failed to do. Serena had always tackled life like she did her job. She was never one to harbour regret – if something went wrong, she learned from it and moved on. She never dwelled or lingered on an issue as lingering led to hesitation and in her line of work, hesitating could get someone hurt or killed. This, however, she couldn't let go. In her mind, she failed to follow the Ash's orders and didn't prepare Dr. Lewis for the fallout that was bound to occur when Bo Dennis arrived. But what really bothered Serena was the possibility that the doctor thought that she didn't care about her welfare as she kept the truth from her.
Normally, Serena would never have formed an attachment to her client, however, once they were out of their normal environment and it was just them - stripped down to who they were and not what they were - they quickly formed an unspoken friendship. The Ignis was always a loner and didn't care what anyone thought of her as it was always about the job. Dr. Lewis was an exception. She valued the doctor's opinion and respected her so thinking that she may have disappointed her, weighed heavily upon the Ignis. Not wanting any more time to lapse without being able to make things right, Serena had one of the nurses contact her.
Lauren and Nayara rushed over to ICU as soon as they got the call and was promptly greeted by a nurse who provided them with an update on the Ignis' condition. They were relieved to find out that the swelling around her brain had receded and hadn't caused any permanent damage; and though she had extensive injuries, she would make a full recovery in a few weeks.
With her concerns over Serena's health alleviated, Nayara returned to the lab giving Lauren and her bodyguard some privacy. Entering the dimly lit room, the blonde was greeted by the soft hum of medical equipment which was offset by Serena's slow and laboured breathing. Careful not to wake the sleeping Ignis, she sat down quietly and gently took her hand in her own.
It took a while for it to register but somewhere in her subconscious, Serena felt the contact and forced her eyes open, groaning herself awake. The sound caught Lauren's attention and she smiled in relief. "Hey!" she said softly. "Welcome back to the land of the living. You had us all worried."
Serena managed to produce a thin smile but found herself unable to speak, her parched throat turning her words into an unintelligible croak. Sensing this, Lauren picked up the glass of water by the bed and placed the straw near her mouth. After numerous long sips and her thirst quenched, she rested her head back on her pillow and nodded her thanks.
Regaining her voice, Serena asked Lauren to fill in the gaps about the explosion as well as her own medical situation, to which the doctor answered honestly, explaining all the possible issues that could arise during her recovery.
"It's hard to keep an Ignis down." she rasped, once she had absorbed all the information that the blonde had given her, causing them both to grin.
Lauren quickly grew serious as she looked directly into her bodyguard's eyes. "There are no words to express how thankful I am to you. You put your life on the line to protect Nayara and me and you almost died in the process."
"I was just doing my job." Serena responded humbly.
The blonde shook her head, disagreeing. "You and I both know that it was more than that. I will never forget what you-"
"Lauren." Serena said quietly, interrupting the doctor.
It was one word but it was enough to halt the blonde in mid-sentence. The Ignis had never called her by her first name before and it got her attention.
"I owe you an apology." The Ignis said softly as she maintained eye contact. "I was supposed to tell you about the Succubus and her friend coming here but I didn't want to upset or distract you from your work. I thought it would be better to wait till you were done and we were on our way back to Camp but then we were attacked and now it's too late." Serena said regretfully. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you."
Lauren was surprised and touched by the Ignis' unexpected apology. "You have nothing to apologize for." she said gently.
"I let you down!" she said agitatedly; her failure eating at her. "Before we left for the jungle, the Ash told me they were coming. I knew that the Succubus' presence would be an issue for you and instead of telling you the truth, I allowed you to get blindsided." She wheezed and grimaced as her chest contracted in pain against broken ribs.
The doctor was surprised that Serena was more concerned about her feelings than the fact that she just woke from a coma. Lauren smiled sweetly and gave her bodyguard's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Serena, never apologize for trying to be considerate of my feelings. You're my friend and that's what friends do." She said genuinely. "It means a lot that you were looking out for me."
The words sunk in and relief washed over the Ignis' face as she realized that Lauren wasn't upset or disappointed. "So, we're good?" she asked tiredly; exhaustion suddenly tugging at her.
"Yes, we're good." The blonde reiterated gently. "Why don't you get some rest? I'll sit with you till you fall asleep."
"Okay." she mumbled as she gave in to her exhaustion and closed heavy-lidded eyes. Lauren continued to hold Serena's hand as she quickly drifted off to sleep with a faint smile on her face, thankful for the comfort and company of a friend.
Shopping district in Brasilia (early afternoon)
Nayara dropped the women off at the shopping outlet and arranged to meet them in a few hours after she completed her errands. She had told Lauren of her intent so that the three women would have some time together and when they were ready, Lauren would call her. Bo was more than happy with this arrangement as it meant that she would finally be alone with her two favorite people.
Kenzi was giddy and almost skipping from store to store. She didn't like being cooped up and was ecstatic to be out of the Fae compound and in normal civilization; getting a glimpse of Brasilia; and most importantly, shopping. Bo knew that the Goth was bored at the compound so it made her happy to see her enjoying some aspect of this trip. Lauren, meanwhile, was amused by the younger woman's energy and enthusiasm as she excitedly prattled on about the different stores, clothes and shoes.
The trio talked and laughed as they walked through the sprawling shopping complex searching for appropriate clothing and footwear for the jungle. Bo quickly found everything that she needed whereas Kenzi was holding out for the perfect outfit which she said would call out to her when she found it. Of course, the Goth had other ideas about what was considered appropriate and Lauren had to be the voice of reason on more than one occasion, explaining that wearing four inch platform heeled leather boots and all black clothing would not be practical in the jungle. In each instance, Kenzi grumbled about a certain doctor's vanilla taste and reluctantly replaced the fashionable items.
A couple hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set, casting beautiful hues of orange and gold against the buildings. Bo found her energy waning as she fell behind the two women who were talking and laughing while they shopped. She couldn't understand why she felt so lethargic until it dawned on her that it had been a while since she had taken care of her Succubus. She had never forgotten to feed before but with all the excitement and stress of making her way to Brazil, Lauren being attacked and their trying to work on their friendship, she had simply forgotten.
For the past few days Bo had been staving off severe headaches but didn't think anything of it, however, once she calculated that she hadn't fed in ten days, everything made sense. Despite her being able to go long stretches without chi since her Dawning, this was by far the longest Bo had gone and she knew that she had exceeded her limit. Recognizing this made her feel incredibly foolish for not seeing the signs and she chastised herself as her hunger intensified - she felt weak, her headache was turning into a migraine and her abdominal spasms were growing more frequent.
Bo just wanted to enjoy her time with Lauren and Kenzi but instead it was taking everything she had to not lose control. She wanted to be strong and fight her nature but more than anything, she wanted to be respectful of Lauren. Despite her extreme discomfort, she was adamant that she would endure until Kenzi got her shopping done and once they were back at the compound, she would slip away and take care of her hunger.
Thirty minutes passed and Kenzi still hadn't found anything she liked so Bo continued with her charade and paced back and forth restlessly. Unfortunately, time picked at her resolve and her blue-eyed Succubus would appear whenever a customer or sales clerk caught her attention. In each instance, Bo quickly reined herself in and averted her gaze or blinked her eyes shut before anyone noticed.
Kenzi and Lauren tried on various clothes and joked around with one another, all the while recognizing that Bo had grown unusually quiet and distant but neither knew why. All their attempts to involve her only resulted in her temporary participation and subsequent return to her silent, brooding self, so they eventually just let her be.
Bo knew that she was being anti-social but it was taking all of her focus to keep herself together. With her pain and irritability increasing, it was becoming more difficult to hide her discomfort so she opted to remain quiet in order to avoid saying something that she could regret later.
Three quarters of an hour later, Kenzi purchased the last of her gear and Bo instantly felt relief knowing that they would leave soon. Waiting for the Goth to find what she needed had tested Bo's willpower and she resorted to imagining herself being back at the compound feeding from random Fae. That and her silent mantra to hang on a little longer, were the only things keeping her together. Closing her eyes and taking deep breaths to subdue the gnawing ache, she tuned out everyone and everything around her.
"Bo, are you hungry?" Lauren asked breaking the brunette out of her meditative state.
The brunette's eyes shot open. "Sorry, what?!" she asked as her heart beat rapidly in her chest.
"I was telling Kenzi about this Churrascaria restaurant nearby that serves the most delicious barbequed food." The blonde explained. "I called Nayara and she's going to meet us there."
"Umm, sounds good." Bo stammered, relieved that she was able to hide her hunger from Lauren but at the same time, felt frustrated and miserable now that relief was no longer in sight. Trying not to grimace, she took a couple more deep breaths to suppress her pain.
"Are you alright?" Lauren asked as she moved in closely and gently touched Bo's arm.
The Succubus stiffened slightly at her touch; her hunger making her hyper aware and sensitive to everything. "I… I just have a headache." Bo said, downplaying her situation and casually stepping out of the doctor's reach.
Before the blonde could say anything, Kenzi piped up drawing both women's attention. "Maybe it's a hunger headache Bo Bo. I always get a headache when I'm hungry." she said casually. Tilting her head to one side, she added thoughtfully, "Or maybe my headaches are from a lack of alcohol?"
The Goth was in too much of a good mood to see how close to the truth she was about her best friend. "But on to the business at hand!" Kenzi said, changing the conversation to one that was near and dear to her heart – food. "Alright Doc, how good is the food at this joint? Is it just meh or will it rock my world?"
Lauren smiled brightly at the younger woman. "The food is amazing! You won't be disappointed. Their meat is tender and full of flavour. You will be in meat heaven!" the blonde exclaimed excitedly.
The Goth's eyes twinkled and the corner of her mouth quirked. "I didn't think you were into meat."
Kenzi let her playful comment sink in before shaking her head. "I dunno Hot Pants, we have different tastes. This is probably my only chance to go to a restaurant here and I don't want to waste it at this Chewbacca place."
Lauren rolled her eyes at the younger woman's double entendre and for doubting her taste. Normally the blonde would've let the comment pass but she felt slighted and compelled to defend herself. "Chewbacca is a character from Star Wars. This is a Churrascaria-"
Kenzi raised her hands in the air and huffed, "Chewyrassaca. That's what I said!"
"It's pronounced Chew-ruh-scare-ee-uh. And I'm so certain that you will love the food there that I'm willing to bet on it!" she blurted out boldly, surprising both herself and the Goth.
The younger woman raised her eyebrows in shock, accompanied by a sly grin of anticipation. "Oh really?!"
The doctor simply nodded confidently and smiled.
"Alright Lewis, you're on! Loser pays up when we're both back in Toronto."
"Agreed!"
"If I don't think the food is to die for, you're buying me beverages…. lots of beverages! You have to match me shot for shot and as long as I'm drinking, you're drinking. There will be no tapping out Feather Weight." Kenzi said smugly as she rubbed her hands together in glee. She was confident that she was going to win and couldn't wait to rub that fact in Lauren's face all night long. The Goth honestly didn't think that she and the doctor shared the same taste in food and figured that even if the meal was okay it would be easy for her to pretend that she didn't like it. Kenzi could con anyone and knew that this was going to be an easy score. Unable to suppress her grin, she added arrogantly, "And cuz I'm totes considerate, you can pick the bar."
"Deal!" Lauren said as she quietly considered what would mortify the young woman. A few moments passed before a glint appeared in her eyes and she smiled widely. "When you start salivating and asking for second and third helpings, just know that I told you so. To cement that momentous occasion, we will go to a bar where you will publically declare to Bo and myself, that I…" the blonde indicated to herself with her thumb for emphasis, "was right and that you trust my taste… in food. You will then sing a song of my choosing and you cannot lip synch or complain about the song." Lauren said smirking. "And to show how considerate I am, you can choose which bar we go to."
"You're on!" Kenzi said before spitting in her palm and shaking Lauren's hand vigorously to seal the deal.
"Bo, you're our witness!" the Goth exclaimed; she was enjoying herself thoroughly and looked forward to getting the doctor drunk out of her mind.
Even though she was in a lot of discomfort, the Succubus clearly heard Lauren include her in the plan to go out once she was back in Toronto. Her saying this was an indication that Lauren still wanted her in her life. It was a little thing but Bo couldn't help but smile at this fact, as well as the wager that both women had agreed upon. She knew that Kenzi could never back down from a bet but what really surprised her was seeing this playful and mischievous side of Lauren. The brunette knew that whoever won, it would be very entertaining to see the loser pay.
Spending the entire afternoon and evening shopping worked up their appetites and as the women opened the doors of the Churrascaria they were greeted by the delicious aroma of barbequed meat that made them salivate. The restaurant had a warm and inviting atmosphere and the murmurings from various conversations merged into one loud, unintelligible sound that filled the dining room and filtered out into the waiting area. It wasn't much longer before the women were guided to a table for four where Bo made sure to sit across from Lauren.
By the time Nayara arrived and sat next to the blonde, Lauren had already explained how the Passadores would stop by with various selections of meat on long skewers and that the double sided coasters on their table – one side green for 'yes' and the other side red for 'no' – was a visible indicator of whether the meat waiters should continue to bring food to them. While they waited for their meals, Kenzi talked excitedly and explained their bet to Nayara. Bo, meanwhile, remained quiet as her level of discomfort and mood worsened.
The quartet sipped at their beer and watched waiters zip around tables as plates of rice, beans and sweet potato were placed in front of them. It wasn't long before the first Passadore stopped at their table with barbequed pork ribs followed shortly by another with juicy strips of beef sirloin. Their attention immediately shifted to the sizzling cuts of meat offered to them and as the waiter left there was no delay in diving into their food.
They had only taken a couple mouthfuls when a loud, contented groan sounded. Kenzi was devouring her meal with fervour and releasing satisfied grunts between bites. She was so preoccupied with the food in front of her that she didn't realize that her companions had stopped eating and were grinning at her. By the time she was aware that she was the centre of attention, it was too late to fake-hate her meal. Slapping her forehead, the Goth shook her head in disgust at how quickly and easily she had lost the bet and to Lauren of all people.
The blonde couldn't hold back her smile; it had been a long time since she had this much fun and winning a bet against the Goth was icing on the cake. "From the way you just cleaned your plate, I'm guessing that you enjoyed your meal." Lauren said with a twinkle in her eye and laughter laced in her voice. "I'm relieved that I didn't waste your only opportunity to eat at a Brazilian restaurant. Just know that I can't wait to see your performance."
Kenzi's clean plate was proof of how much she enjoyed the food and she knew that there was no escaping her fate. Shrugging her shoulders, she grabbed the green coaster and waved it enthusiastically in the air to get a waiter's attention. If she was going to accept defeat and pay the price, she might as well make the most of it and right now, she wanted seconds.
Bo had enjoyed her meal but it didn't do anything to quell her hunger. She tried to participate in the dinner conversation but all she could think about was feeding. It was one repetitive, obsessive thought that was driving her crazy and which tested her control over her Succubus. The brunette's patience was growing short and her foul mood was further exasperated by her jealousy whenever she observed Lauren and Nayara interact.
The doctors were simply enjoying their much needed break away from the lab after countless days of trials and though they were trying not to get their hopes up, it was difficult to not celebrate a little over serum 'Lima-109'. Any rational person could see this however with the Succubus' hunger in high gear, logic was non-existent. In the her mind, Nayara and Lauren were blatantly flirting in front of her under the guise of innocent smiles and laughter; and her belief that they were in a sexual relationship fueled her anger and jealousy.
After flipping the coaster over to red for the fifth time that night, Kenzi plopped back in her chair and groaned happily while rubbing her stomach. "Uhhh, I think I'm going to explode. Spill Hot Pants! How did you find this heavenly place?"
Lauren chuckled at the younger woman. "Well, we were getting ready to head out into the field for the very first time when I realized that I didn't have any gear for trekking through the forest. I asked Nay if she would take me shopping and afterwards, she brought Serena and I here." The blonde smiled at the memory.
"It was my first time out of the compound since arriving in Brazil so it was my first opportunity to experience the people and culture. It was also the first time in a long while that I had gone sightseeing or shopping. I had forgotten how much fun it could be." Lauren looked over at Nayara as she spoke and their eyes met. "I had a wonderful time that evening." she said smiling. Everything about that night came flooding back and in that instance, their thoughts wandered to the moment they shared, inadvertently causing their auras to flare.
It only took Lauren a split second to compose herself and move past the memory and the emotions they evoked, however, Bo saw what transpired and it spurred her jealousy over the edge. The Succubus had been quiet most of the evening but couldn't bite her tongue after seeing the desire between both doctors. "Sounds like a night of firsts for you Lauren." she said as she fake-smiled through the double meaning of her words.
The blonde wasn't sure what to make of Bo's comment - if it was just a simple statement or if there was negativity hidden behind it. All she knew was that it would be very easy to overreact and that was the last thing that she wanted to do. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, Lauren responded with a faint smile and instead initiated a conversation with Kenzi, who was oblivious to what had just occurred.
The drive back to the compound was relaxing for everyone but Bo. The Succubus was seething as she replayed the doctors' reactions to each other. She had always sensed that there was something between them and seeing their auras flare corroborated her gut feeling. It just irked her that Lauren hadn't said anything especially since she had been completely open about how she felt. Stewing in her anger, the brunette remained silent during the drive, averting her eyes periodically whenever they flashed blue.
Upon their arrival at the compound, the Succubus offered to walk Lauren back to her apartment; her possessiveness and desire to be alone with the blonde trumping her immediate need to feed. It was obvious to Kenzi and Nayara that they wanted some time together so after they said good night, they made their way to Néctar for a post-shopping celebration.
Lauren's apartment
The blonde was humming softly to herself. It was a wonderful end to wonderful day - her test serum was looking promising as a viable antidote; Serena woke from her coma; she had a fun afternoon and evening with people she cared about; and her relationship with Bo was progressing better than she could have imagined. For the first time in a long time, things seemed to be going her way and Lauren was happy.
"Would you like something to drink? I have beer, wine and juice." Lauren offered as she walked into her kitchen.
"Surprise me." Bo said as nonchalantly as possible, closing her eyes briefly when she felt them turn. Regaining control, she walked around the apartment to distract herself and spotted a guitar in the corner of the living room. "Do you play?" she asked, indicating to the instrument as Lauren handed her an ice cold beer.
"I used to years ago and decided to pick it up again. Surprisingly, I'm not as rusty as I thought I would be." The blonde said with a smile.
The brunette turned back to look at the guitar. "Yet another thing I don't know about you." she muttered under her breath.
Lauren had just barely heard the comment and was taken aback. It was definitely not the reaction that she had expected. "Sorry?" she said, thinking that she had misheard.
The Succubus grew inexplicably angry and whipped around to face her. "I said it's just another thing that I don't know about you. What else are you keeping from me!?"
"What are you talking about?" Lauren asked as she furrowed her brow in confusion.
"You and Nayara!" she accused. "What aren't you telling me?!"
Lauren's confusion was rapidly receding and turning to frustration. "What does Nayara have to do with anything? She's my friend."
"Your auras say otherwise!" the brunette spat out as she raised her voice.
Lauren clenched her jaw and stared at Bo in disbelief; she couldn't understand why she was being so confrontational when things were going so well between them. Turning away she placed her beer on the coffee table and took a calming breath, realizing that Bo must've seen her reaction at dinner. Looking back at the brunette, she purposely kept her voice even and calm. "Yes, we are attracted to one another and we had a moment where we kissed but it never went any further because we didn't want to ruin our friendship."
"Friends! Right!" Bo said incredulously. "Kenzi is my friend and you don't see me kissing her!"
Lauren couldn't remain calm any longer; she was tired of Bo's jealousy and was disappointed that she had believed she had changed. "True, you don't kiss your friends - you only have sex with them to heal!" she said, raising her voice in retaliation.
The comment caught the brunette off guard and her inner Succubus growled. "Dyson has nothing to do with this!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, just like he had nothing to do with any of the problems in our relationship." The blonde said sarcastically. "I can't believe that you have the gall to be angry that I kissed another woman when we weren't together but I can't be upset that you had sex with your ex while we were a couple?" she retorted as she took a step back; the physical and emotional distance between them widening.
"I was hurt and had to heal!" Bo yelled in response. "For someone who always said that they would never judge me for what I am, you're very comfortable throwing my being a Succubus back in my face." she said as she tried to recover from the verbal slap.
"You could've healed with anyone. It's not your Succubus nature that I am questioning but rather who you chose to heal with!" Lauren raised her hands in disbelief that Bo still didn't understand. "You chose Dyson even though you knew how insecure I was about him and your history together." she said dejectedly.
Lauren's argument and emotion-filled voice instantly took the wind out of the brunette's sails and deflated her anger. She rubbed her hands over her face and exhaled loudly as she regained control over her raging Succubus. "This is always going to be between us isn't it?" Bo asked softly, regret etched on her face.
The blonde massaged her temples. "Look, I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm really trying to let it go but it's difficult." she sighed out. "But what the hell, Bo? What's with demanding to know if I'm in a relationship and questioning who my friends are? I am not your possession!" Lauren declared.
The blonde had run the gamut of emotions and felt drained. In a tired, sad voice, she asked, "Is it really so hard to believe that someone other than you, would find me attractive or want my friendship?"
Lauren's words made impact and the brunette's tone and attitude softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be possessive." She said apologetically. "And no, I don't find it hard to believe that Nayara finds you attractive. You are an incredibly beautiful, caring and brilliant woman. Anyone would be a fool to not want to be a part of your life." Bo stated honestly. She was ashamed of her behaviour and didn't know how to convey how sorry she was or explain that her hunger caused her to act like an immature, jealous teenager.
Lauren's voice interrupted Bo's self-depreciating thoughts. "Nayara is a wonderful woman. She's been extremely supportive, understanding and caring and has been a great friend to me… something that has been lacking in my life."
"I've always been your friend… I still am." the brunette defended.
"Are you saying that I can't have more than one friend? You are surrounded by friends and family: Kenzi, Trick, Dyson, Tamsin and Hale. Is my very limited social life only supposed to revolve around you and your social network?"
"That… that's not what I meant." Bo stammered. "They're your friends too Lauren."
"Please!" the blonde said disbelievingly.
"You have Kenzi, Hale and Trick in your corner. And you have me." Bo said softly, trying to convince the blonde that she wasn't alone.
"Don't tell me what I have!" Lauren snapped; her anger and frustration rumbling in her voice. "I'm a slave! I have no freedom, belongings or relationships. All I have is the work assigned to me. Everything belongs to the Light Fae in Toronto… even my life. So, trust me, I am perfectly aware of what I have."
Bo stood there stunned, not knowing what to say. Lauren's words echoed in her head and churned in the silent tension that was growing between them.
Lauren took a deep breath and exhaled slowly in an attempt to control her rising emotions. She wanted Bo to understand which meant that she had to be completely open and honest. Casting aside her fear and insecurities, she spoke in a soft but tired voice. "Apart from work, you were all that I had that meant anything to me. And when I lost you, I lost the only thing in my life that brought me any happiness-"
"But you didn't lose me!" Bo interrupted, taking a step closer trying to bridge the distance between them. She couldn't stand the fact that Lauren felt so lost and alone.
The doctor looked directly in Bo's eyes and the brunette could see the hopelessness reflected in her brown orbs. "In my heart, I lost you. How was I supposed to go back to a life of complete emptiness after experiencing joy? That was my reality and I just… couldn't."
Bo's heart broke at Lauren's admission. The brunette went to comfort her but Lauren stepped back and out of reach; she couldn't say what she had to if she was being held.
The doctor wrapped her arms around herself and took a steadying breath. "I came here to help but it was also an opportunity for me to try and recover from everything that went wrong between us. I didn't come here looking to form new relationships – that just happened."
"I cherish Nayara's friendship. She is the one thing that I have that is completely independent of the Light Fae in Toronto and of you and yours." There was no malice behind Lauren's words, only the truth of what she felt. Looking into the brunette's eyes, she said wearily, "Can you understand how important that is to me, Bo?"
Bo nodded; she was speechless as she absorbed the weight of Lauren's words. It was the first time that the blonde had ever directly expressed how she felt about being a slave to the Light and how isolated she felt. Even though Bo always hated that the Fae controlled her life, she never really comprehended the extent of Lauren's situation but what was worse was that she never asked or tried to understand. The realization of which made the brunette feel incredibly selfish and guilty for being oblivious to what Lauren had been enduring.
"So to answer your question, despite what happened between Nayara and I, we are good friends and nothing more. You just have to accept that."
The brunette sighed, her shoulders hunched forward under the weight of her mistakes and immaturity. She had allowed her Succubus to act out of anger, destroying any progress that they had made and now she could only hope that Lauren would allow her to make amends. "You're right. Who you're attracted to and who your friends are, is none of my business." she said meekly. "And I know it doesn't excuse my horrible behaviour but I am sorry for being such a jerk. I just see how much Nayara is attracted to you and it drives me crazy." she admitted, embarrassed by her jealousy.
"Now you know how I felt when Dyson was around you." Lauren explained. "It upset me that he was a part of your life but I had to accept it."
"But you didn't accept it!" Bo said, unintentionally raising her voice in frustration at this never ending issue between them.
"I haven't because you ripped the chi out of Kenzi and I without giving us a second thought! I felt insignificant while you treated Dyson like he was all that mattered." Lauren yelled back in reaction to Bo's outburst.
The brunette rubbed the nape of her neck and reined in her frustration. In a softer tone, she said, "I don't know how many times I can say this. I would've done the same if it were you or Kenzi that was lying there. There was no special treatment because it was Dyson." Bo said, hoping that Lauren would believe the truth of her words.
The doctor clenched her jaw in an attempt to contain her exasperation but was failing. "You still don't get it! It's not that you saved Dyson's life; it's the fact that you didn't seem to care that you could've killed us in the process. You never checked on Kenzi or I afterwards when we collapsed. You never asked how we were or if we were hurt. And you never even acknowledged what you did, which was take our chi without permission - something that you never would've done before. Your only concern was Dyson."
Lauren's words echoed in Bo's mind as she stood there mute with her head bowed. She had always feared that there may have been some resentment or hurt feelings for taking Lauren's and Kenzi's chi and now that fear was a reality. Bo knew in her heart that she did what she had to in order to save Dyson but the shame of it still ate at her.
The awkward silence grew between them. Both women were exhausted from arguing and from re-opening their emotional wounds. Lauren sighed tiredly and broke the lull. "I let Nayara feed from me." she said in an almost whisper. She continued to stare at a point on the wall behind Bo, her voice cracking as she spoke, "My heart was broken and I just couldn't function. I couldn't take it anymore so I asked Nayara to feed from me."
Bo was on an emotional roller coaster – she felt her heart constrict when she heard the pain in Lauren's voice; followed by guilt knowing that she was the reason for it; and then a myriad of other feelings upon hearing what the blonde said. "You did what?!" she exclaimed as her head snapped up with her eyes flashing blue.
The brunette immediately squeezed her eyes shut and didn't open them until she was back in control. She didn't know how to feel about Lauren's revelation. A part of her was angry that the blonde allowed herself to be fed upon even though she understood why; and the other part of her was sad. Lauren trusted Nayara with an incredibly intimate and personal act that she and Lauren had shared only on the rare occasion. Those moments were special and now the blonde had experienced something similar with Nayara. The whole situation represented how far their relationship had fallen and even though she couldn't fault Lauren for it, it was upsetting nonetheless.
The doctor was tired of hiding her feelings and tip toeing around their problems; she just wanted everything to be out in the open. "Every day here was a struggle and I felt like I was drowning. I threw myself into my work but I couldn't think or focus because I was depressed." Lauren's shoulders tensed at the memory. "Nayara didn't want to feed from me. I had to beg her to take my emotions away just so that I wouldn't feel any more pain. And even though it was temporary, it was worth it because when she fed, it was warm and comforting and afterwards, I felt happy and at peace."
Bo hated hearing about Nayara feeding from Lauren. She gently rubbed the inside of her nose bridge as her migraine intensified. "Why are you telling me this!?" she asked in a wounded voice.
"I don't tell you this to hurt you, Bo. I am telling you because you wanted to know the truth and because I'm tired of hiding. You need to know that when you took my chi to save Dyson, I felt my life force being ripped from me. I was terrified that I was going to die and I felt helpless to stop it." Lauren unconsciously wrapped her arms around her torso at the memory. "I felt an icy chill flow through me as my energy left my body and when it was all over, I felt weak and numb."
"If Nayara is so wonderful and you're attracted to each other, why are you only friends then?! Why are you even here with me?!" Bo shouted in retaliation. She was hurt and upset to hear how amazing it was when Nayara fed from Lauren and how terrifying it was with her.
"Because I'm still in love with you!" Lauren yelled, unable to hold back the truth any longer. "Even after everything that has happened between us." she sobbed.
Bo turned away as she her eyes brimmed with tears; she was happy and relieved to know that Lauren was still in love with her but at the same time, she also felt incredible shame and regret. When she turned to face Lauren again, the blonde was surprised to see remorse reflected in brown eyes instead of an angry, blue-eyed Succubus.
"There are no words to express how sorry I am." Bo breathed out as tears rolled down her cheeks. The brunette looked into Lauren's eyes as she spoke and hoped that she could hear the truth in her voice. "When I saw Dyson lying dead on the ground, I couldn't control her and my Succubus side took over… Not that it matters what side of me was in charge… I take full responsibility for what I did. I don't regret saving him but I do regret how I went about doing it and how I reacted afterwards."
The brunette hugged herself as she spoke in a soft, sad voice. "I knew that I stole your and Kenzi's chi but at the time, I didn't realize the extent of what I had done. I just couldn't believe that I had actually brought Dyson back to life. I was so happy and relieved that he wasn't dead and when the shock of that moment wore off, that's when it hit me that I could've killed you both."
Looking down, she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I was ashamed that I took from you both and I was frightened by what could've happened but I didn't know what to do so instead, I focused on Dyson." Bo admitted. "There's no Hallmark card for saying Sorry for almost sucking the life out of you. I hope you're okay. Everything I wanted to say was insignificant compared to almost killing you both." She confessed.
Terrified of the answer but needing to know the truth, Bo asked hesitantly, "Are... are you afraid of me because of what I did?"
"No, Bo. I'm not afraid of you. I never have been." Lauren said gently, aware of the brunette's belief that she was a monster.
Despite the relief from Lauren's answer, it didn't alleviate the regret that she felt. "I don't expect you to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself. I am genuinely sorry for what I did and for making you think that I didn't care about you." she said sadly. "I also can't apologize enough for being such a jealous ass. I am happy that you've found a good friend in Nayara. I know that I would be lost without Kenzi and it was never my intent to deny you the same."
As a doctor to the Fae, Lauren appreciated their biology and even understood how Bo's Succubus' side would've taken control, however as her former lover, the entire situation was a tough pill to swallow. Despite her hurt feelings, Lauren saw the sincerity in Bo's eyes and heard it in her voice. In her heart, she knew that the brunette's actions were not done out of malice and even though she had felt hurt and insignificant, she couldn't hold the Succubus' actions against her. So with a nod of her head and a faint smile, she accepted the brunette's apology.
Bo was thankful that Lauren found it in her heart to forgive her but she knew that they had a very rocky road ahead. Both women didn't know what else to say after they had dragged out everything that they had repressed into the light and dissected into a million pieces. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Lauren broke the stillness. "I need to call it a night. I'm beat and I have a long day at the lab tomorrow." she said tiredly.
The brunette had always been passionate and impulsive but never in the declaration of her feelings, however, since her arrival in Brazil, she had been completely honest with Lauren and more forthcoming about how she felt. Because of this, she was incredibly disappointed that her insolent behaviour had just sabotaged whatever headway they had made.
As they walked the short distance to the front door, Bo's stomach plummeted, fearing that she was on the verge of losing everything. She wasn't one for begging but at this point she didn't care if she seemed desperate or pathetic; all she wanted was to make things right with Lauren. As Bo opened the door, she hesitated and turned to look into the blonde's eyes; a mix of emotions playing on her face. "Please…" her voice cracked with anxiety and sadness, "don't give up on me."
Bo's statement, Don't give up on me was humbling and though it seemed a simple request, it was anything but. It carried multiple connotations: it was Bo's request for another chance; it was about accountability and her desire to correct her mistakes; it was the hope that things weren't beyond repair; and it was her acknowledgement that the decision rested solely with Lauren.
The blonde knew that they were at a pivotal point and that the ball was completely in her court but she took no satisfaction from it. "Just give me some time to process everything okay?" she said trying to provide some positivity despite her disappointment and the heaviness in her heart. She didn't want things to be final between them but she was also at a loss as to how to continue from this point. Bo had apologized and seemed genuine but Lauren didn't know if it would be temporary like the last apology. She was tired of their turbulent ebb and flow and just wanted to move forward.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Lauren added in an attempt to give them both some hope.
Bo nodded and said good night before leaving the apartment. She had no idea of where she stood with the doctor but knew that she couldn't push things further. She had no other option but to wait for Lauren to make a decision and one way or another she would have to accept her choice. With a heavy heart, Bo walked down the hallway lost in her thoughts.
Lauren shut the door and leaned against it; placing her face in her hands and sighing loudly before running her fingers through wavy hair. Resting her head back against the door, she wondered how things could've taken a turn for the worst so quickly. She had a wonderful day and it was only yesterday that she felt giddy and excited around Bo and what their future could hold. But now, everything was eclipsed by feelings of disappointment, doubt and confusion. Lauren wasn't one to be negative but for some reason it seemed that every time they took a step forward, they countered it by taking two steps back.
It was late and all Lauren wanted was to go to bed and not think or feel. Pushing away from the door, she made her way to her bedroom to retire for the night. As she collapsed onto her mattress, sleep quickly took hold and she began to drift off, unsure of what tomorrow would bring.
TBC