AN: Wow! Thank you all for the lovely reviews for the last two chapters. And thank you to all of you who have offered prayers for my lil one. Ya'll just about made me cry your reviews were so kind.
I hope I do not disappoint anyone with this chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Once again I am posting this without having my wonderful beta read through it for me mainly due to just being too busy with everything going on with my daughter to take the time to do so. I have noticed a couple of mistakes in the last two chapters that Rindaroo would have caught easily so I appologize for any mistakes you find in this. I just wanted to get it put up before my daughter comes home as I will be needing to focus on her comfort for a while. Thanks.
Nope still not Stephenie although my name does rhyme with hers LOL. Fortunately she is cool enough to not get offended when we send her fabulous characters off into our own neverlands.
Bella's Story
BPOV
The chiming of my father's clock on the fireplace mantel brought the time to our attention. Lenai has been sleeping for nearly four hours. Maybe I should go up and check on her. I am anxious to have her understand everything that has happened here today. I know I am going to sound crazy at first but Carlisle has agreed to speak with her one on one if needed to help her come to terms with their astounding history. Surprisingly Alice can not be of any help in reassuring me of the outcome of this talk. It's interesting how Lenai creates a shadow over Alice's visions. I wonder what it is about Lenai that makes her choices so hard to see. That has to be driving her mad. "You know that is incredibly frustrating." Edward groans. "What's that?" I ask. "Not being able to know what you are thinking. You're editing again." He replies. I'm so glad he can not read my mind like everyone else's, what would he think if he knew just how deeply in love with him I truly am. Breaking away from my bittersweet memories I decide to go wake Lenai. If she sleeps any longer she will be awake all night.
"I'm going to go wake up Lenai. She should be rested enough by now. I don't want her to have insomnia tonight." Alice chuckles at my statement. I guess worrying about something like insomnia would be comical to the eternally awake.
I slowly and carefully ascend the stairs holding constantly onto the handrail. My clumsiness has not dissipated with age, and I would hate to see my little daydream of being rescued from certain klutz induced injury come true. Walking quietly to Lenai's room I open the door a crack. The squeaky hinges announce my presence noisily. Lenai is sitting on the edge of her bed staring blankly at the far wall clutching the quilt tightly around her shoulders. "Hey there sweetie, you want to talk?" I ask as I sit next to her on the bed wrapping one arm around her shoulders while brushing stray locks of hair from her face.
"Granny, I'm scared. I don't understand what is going on. How can they be old friends? Alice is my age and she just moved from Alaska, how can you know her? You've never even been to Alaska." Lenai asks as tears stream down her face. Seeing her so confused and doubting attacks my heart. I should have shared my story long before now, suddenly my reasons for keeping my past to myself seem so unimportant. How could I have known though that my past might some day become mixed with her present.
"Come downstairs with me and I will share everything with you. I will answer any questions you have. Carlisle has agreed to answer any questions you may have for him as well." I reply while hugging her tightly trying to offer any comfort I can. I reach under the quilt to take her small hand in mine, she is so tiny just like her mother, but her spirit is so strong. She will accept this, I know it. My blood may not run in her veins but she is my granddaughter, and she is so very much like me. "Come on love." I whisper as I lead her downstairs.
Lenai follows me to the couch where we sit side by side still holding hands, with the quilt that comforted me during the worst of my days as a young woman wrapped securely around her small frame. A part of me can not help but see how my life and the Cullen's has come full circle. Forty-five years ago they left a scared young girl clutching an old quilt around her frame trying to hold herself together with the worn fabric; now they return to embrace another scared young girl clutching desperately to the same worn quilt. Lenai may not see the hole in her life left by her mother's death but I know it is there. I see her try to fill it. Her music is a powerful bandage but it can not fill the cavern left in her heart. My memories of the pain, such a ragged open hole can make are still very fresh. I hope the Cullen's can help her find healing for that pain. Their love made me who I am today, their love can perform miracles. I hope one of them may be in this wonderful child's life. I have tried to be as much of a mother as I could but a few weeks a year is just not enough time to heal those types of wounds. These wounds need the love of a large family, the type of love I see shining from Esme's and Alice's faces every time they look at or speak about Lenai.
"Lenai, I want to share the story of my life with you. You don't have to say anything, but if you have a question or if you want me to stop just let me know. I don't want to cause you pain, and I am afraid some parts of this story are not happy. There is good reason I have never shared my story with either you, your father, or anyone for that matter. I have always kept my life a secret only known by myself, but I think you are ready to know the truth now." I tell her speaking softly, knowing no one in the room will have any problems hearing me. The soft tone of my voice seems to be soothing to her. Lenai shakes her head yes but refuses to make eye contact with me, choosing instead to stare down at her hands mindlessly working a loose thread around her dainty pale fingers.
"Just before I turned seventeen my mother remarried. She loved her new husband very much and naturally wanted to spend every moment she could with him. Phil travelled a lot with his minor league baseball team, and my mother was heartbroken every time he would leave. She felt I was too young to be left at home alone so often so she chose to stay with me, but I could see the pain these times of separation were causing her. I chose to come here to Forks to live with my father. Shortly after moving here I became very close with a special family in the area. I fell deeply in love with a young man, and became best friends with his sister Alice. This friend meant more to me than any sister ever could have; I began to view my future through the lenses of being a permanent part of their family. Their parents quickly became as much my parents as my own birth parents were, you could say I kind of adopted myself into their family." I pause breathing deeply as a flood of memories sweeps over me. Happiness and pain intermingling and swirling around eachother. "For just under a year I was happier than I had ever been before, every dream I had ever dreamed seem about to come true. On the night of my eighteenth birthday there was a terrible accident. I was not injured badly but the risk had been great, and so was the guilt for my boyfriend and his family. They moved away a couple of days later, and I did not hear from them again for many many years."
I glanced around the room to see expressions of regret and sorrow on Alice, Esme, and Carlisle's faces. Tears ran freely down Lenai's sweet face, but she was staring openly at me now waiting for me to continue my story. Taking a few seconds to calm myself I shut my eyes and breathe deeply once again.
"Breathe Bella." His beautiful musical voice whispers in my ears as he holds me tightly against his chest his lips brushing against my neck. I open my eyes quickly to escape the memories trying to drag me back to days better left behind. I need to just keep talking if I am going to get through this without breaking down. I can not let Lenai see how much pain these memories still hold for me.
"After they left I shut down. I performed only what needed to be done to live or what tasks I could do without thinking. I somehow managed to keep my grades up in school and keep my chores done around home well enough to stave off worrisome attention from my father, but I was dead inside. I learned soon however that when I put myself in danger I could feel connected to my boyfriend again, it was almost as if I could hear his voice yelling at me to be careful. This made me want to take risks repeatedly, and led me to seek out a friend to help me in finding new risky behaviors to try. This new friend taught me how to ride motorcycles"
"No!" Alice gasps. "Were you trying to get yourself killed! You can't even walk across a flat surface without ending up in the hospital. What were you thinking!"
I look over to Lenai to see what she is making of my story so far and Alice's outburst. Her facial expression is carefully guarded, either she has not made the connection firmly yet or she is holding back her judgement for some reason. All I can do at this point is continue of with my story.
"As I was saying, I started trying to learn how to ride a motorcycle. It took a while because of my balance issues but eventually I quit hearing his voice warning me as my skills with the bike improved. By that time I was addicted to these hallucinations. I had to find new ways to hear him. That was when I saw some boys on the indian reservation cliff diving, and knew that was what I needed to do.
The next week I was back at the reservation with my friend and I talked him into cliff diving with me. He was called away for what was supposed to be a few minutes by an emergency. We had been at the beach so he left me where I was and said he would be back shortly. A couple of hours passed and I decided I was going to cliff dive whether he was with me or not, so I carefully climbed up the hill leading to the cliffs. Clouds heavy with rain were rolling in on a stiff wind and the earlier calm ocean had turned into an angry mess of high churning waves, but I was in no state of mind to notice those things. I simply had to hear his voice again. As I approached the edge his beautiful voice raged in my mind yelling at me to go back to the beach. I threw myself over the edge in careless abandon rejoicing in the sound of him, I could almost convince myself he loved me when I was having these delusions. As soon as my body hit the water I realized I was in trouble. The water was freezing, and I sunk to deeply when I entered. I was caught in a rip-tide and could not find my way to the top. I resigned myself to drowning. That was when I felt hard strong arms pulling me up and out of the water. My friend had seen me go off the cliff and had dived in after me. He was furious with me. As soon as I could breathe again he began yelling at me and slapping my face. When I told him the truth of why I had done it he became enraged. He shoved me forcefully back onto the beach and ran away from me. As I fell my head hit hard against a sharp rock knocking me unconscious. I awoke in the middle of a raging storm. Hail was falling heavily and high tide had come in covering half of my body with the freezing water every time the waves rolled in. I drug myself the half mile to where my truck was parked, and collapsed once I was inside the musty cab, leaving the door open to the storm. The next morning one of the Tribal elders found me in my truck battered by my friend and the storm. He took me to Olympia to the hospital. I was in a coma for three days. Three weeks later they released me. I decided that day to move on. I could no longer hold on to the past. I went to my father's house and gathered most of my belongings and left for Oregon. I tested for my GED the next week and enrolled in a junior college for the following semester. I worked a full time waitressing job at night and went to school during the day. After three years I had my teaching certificate and began teaching elementary school. I had successfully left my past behind and was looking forward to my future."
I pause in the play by play recap of my life to make sure no one has any questions. Every face in the room shows a similar mixture of rapt attention and horror. At least the worst part is over, I can now share about the happier times of my life.
"I knew I could never trust any man ever again after being all but destroyed by both the men I had let into my life, but I wanted a family. I missed being an intricate part of someone else's life, so I looked into adoption. In Oregon at the time you had to be twenty-two to adopt a child so I started the paperwork process and was granted approval a week after my birthday. Less than a month later I received a call that a young woman had chosen me as a potential mother for her unborn child. We met a few times during her pregnancy and she decided to sign an intention contract letting me know she was serious about letting me be her child's mother. Three months later I joined her in the delivery room and watched her give birth to a beautiful baby boy. After holding him for a brief moment and laying one single loving kiss on his forehead she handed me our son and told me to take good care of him, and to love him forever. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. The second I held him in my arms for the first time the hole I had carried in my heart for years began to close. I named him Edmund William Swan, and he is my entire world. I would have walked through flames for him, and still will.
We stayed in Portland till Edmund went off to college then I moved to Seattle. I taught elementary school during the day and went to school at night to finish my masters in school administration. I was a principal at Seattle Western High School for a few years before I decided it was time to come home. My father had died a few years before and for some reason I felt drawn back to Forks, as if moving here would make me closer to him somehow. I received the principal position at Forks Elementary and loved working with the younger children again. I love working in such a small town where I can get to know every family, but a few years ago they had a hard time finding the right candidate for the high school principal position and asked me if I would be willing to switch schools. And here we are today."
Silence dominated the room for several minutes while everyone stared at me. It seems no one is willing to break the quiet pause that has filled the room.
"Well after all that talking I need a glass of water. Lenai would you like some?" I ask standing and walking out of the room. I can take the silence no longer, stress is palpable in the air and I need to get away if only for a minute.
"Yes please Granny." Lenai whispers, her face a strange shade of ashen white with a touch of green.
In the kitchen I lean against the counter shaking. I did not realize when I started telling my story how much it would take out of me. Running the sink to let the water cool a little a cup my hands under the gentle stream and splash handfuls of water over my face. I reach to my right to grab a paper towel but can not find the roll. Turning to look for where I have misplaced them I feel warm soft arms wrap around my waist as Lenai buries her face in chest crying freely. I hold her close and let her weep till her eyes are dry and her shoulders no longer shake.
"Alice and Esme." Lenai whispers looking up at me her eyes burning with hurt and confusion.
"Yes, Lenai. Alice and Esme, Carlisle too, they are my family. They are the family I adopted myself into when I was just a little older than yourself. Alice's brother's names are Edward, Jasper, and Emmett. She has a sister named Rosalie as well. Edward is the boy I fell in love with. The boy who taught me what love really means." I answer her quietly, waiting for her to ask the rest of her questions.
"But how?"
"There are things in this life Lenai that no one really understands, I know you believe this is true. Angels for example, when you were little you used to swear you saw angels. Remember how I never argued with you? I never argued because I fully believe it is possible for angels to exist. I fully believe in fact it is possible for all mythical creatures to exist. I believe this because I have seen it is true, not once but twice." I pause trying to gauge how she is taking this. Her facial expression is one of openness and curiosity encouraging me to continue. "The Cullens are a family of vampires. Not evil 'I want to suck your blood' vampires like you see in the movies. They have chosen to live with humans not off of humans. They only hunt animals."
I can not help but laugh lightly as a mental comparison presents itself to me. "I think you will appreciate this considering your dietary choices. They call themselves 'vegetarian vampires' since they have decided to abstain from human 'meat' much as you have decided to abstain from animal food sources."
Lenai giggles as she slaps my arm gently, "Uh that's just gross. Thanks Gran I needed that mental picture."
Lenai seems to be accepting this news very well. I had a feeling she would be able to accept this easier than most because of her beliefs in a supernatural higher power, okay she would slap me again if she heard that. Anyway I thought her belief in God and her early childhood belief in Angels would help open her mind to believe my outrageous story.
"You said you have seen mythological creatures twice. When was the second time?"
"The second time I was introduced to the world of mythical creatures in our world was shortly after the Cullens left. The friend who helped me embrace my delusions," I pause weighing her expression. "Was a werewolf."
Hysterical laughter erupts from Lenai as shouts of outrage echo down the hallway from the living room. Before I could think to move three very angry vampires were standing feet from me drilling me with their angry glares.
"You made friends with werewolves!" Alice demanded shouting "You were completely insane weren't you. We left to keep you safe and you run off and find the most dangerous creature you can! He could have killed you! If he had lost his temper around you he would have torn you to pieces!"
"Were you listening to my story Alice? I know that, he did hurt me, although he never had to phase to do it. Hearing that I was putting myself in danger just to hear Edward's voice was the final straw. He could not take any more. Just before he pushed me at the beach his entire body was shaking. As he ran away he did phase into a wolf. I was lucky that he restrained himself enough to keep running."
"Who was he?" Alice asks with a low growl. The anger on her face terrifies me.
"His name was Jacob Black. He died three years ago. A small group of nomad vampires came onto the reservation specifically to fight the werewolves. Four werewolves died, one vampire escaped." I explain sadly. "But there is something I think you should know. Two of the vampires who came that day will be familiar to you. Remember the night in the field when you were playing baseball. Laurent and Victoria were among those who came to fight. I was at the reservation tutoring a child who had been out of school for months due to illness when it happened. Jacob and I had made our peace shortly after I moved back here. He fought to defend me. Victoria and Laurent picked up on my scent and broke away from the others to find me. Jacob tracked them and arrived just in time. He killed Laurent but Victoria took advantage of his undefended back. She killed him savagely, then turned toward me. A howl tore through the sky alerting her of the coming pack. She fled before they could get there."
Three pairs of hands lay on my shoulders and Lenai hugs me more tightly as for the first time in years I allow myself to cry over my past. I cry for the friends I have lost. I cry also for the friends I have found again today.