A/N: Thanks to the Allusive Man for proofing this business! And for his and Fixative's general helpfulness. Next chapter, Shep P.O.V.!

Tali's never been to Illium. One of the perks of traveling with Shepard is that it often gets her access to places where quarians aren't typically welcome. She wonders what might have happened if she'd ended up here on her Pilgrimage years ago. Ended up in a slave contract for who knows how long? She might have never found out about Saren and the Reapers. She would have never met Shepard.

The Eternity Club is a nice venue though the music is a little sedated for Tali's tastes. Shepard leans into the bar, chatting up an asari matriarch, now and then turning her attention to the asari dancing on a table for a bachelor party.

"Wow, she's really flexible," Kasumi comments, watching the dancer appreciatively. "If I ever needed back-up on a heist she'd be great for getting through those laser security systems. Looks like Shepard agrees. Maybe we should get you one of those outfits the dancers wear. You could put on your own private show for her. Be her private dancer?"

Tali is too occupied sputtering to immediately speak. "Will you stop? I could never—I don't." She looks at the dancer and towards Shepard who winks at her before looking away. Her heart stops. Dancing for Shepard in that way! Tali twines her hands. "One of these days she's going to hear you."

"Good! She could stand to not be so oblivious. Do you really think she'd be chasing so much ass if she knew you were an option?" Kasumi moves over to the bar to order some drinks, handing one over to her. "Don't worry, it's turian, it won't kill you." She plucks a bright pink straw into her own drink and has a long drink.

"You're wrong. Shepard is…tactile. And she thinks I'm just a little quarian girl." Tali leans into the bar, sighing softly, she has a drink of the green and purple concoction. It's a little bitter, making her eyes sting. She drinks quicker. "Touching her would probably kill me." But what a way to go. She smiles wryly at her own foolishness.

"Don't say that. I'm sure there's a way. I'll do a little research. Ooh, why don't I talk to Mordin for you?"

"Please don't. Miranda spies on everything. She already hates me."

"The feeling is mutual, isn't it?" Kasumi asks.

Tali looks at her. "You spy on everything, too." She doesn't exactly hate Miranda. It's only that she can't stand her. She sighs. "Anyway, the last thing I'm going to do is move in on someone who is taken and clearly has no interest." She finishes the drink in record time and stabs the straw into the remaining ice, her face flush from the alcohol.

"But you're in love with her and I'm a sucker for a good love story!" Kasumi says. Tali clutches the drink glass so tightly she's afraid she'll shatter it. No. No, no, no. She isn't in love with Shepard. Keelah. That would be the worst thing she could do—falling in love with the bosh'tet who likes casual sex and dislikes commitment. Oh, Keelah and she's a virgin, what could Shepard ever want with her? She's mortified the more she thinks of it. "Come on, indulge me. I don't have as many projects since I've been on the Normandy and I'm bored."

"I'm not going to risk my life to entertain you." Nor is she willing to risk her heart. Whatever she may feel for Shepard, as long as she doesn't allow herself to dwell on it or speak of it, she can pretend it isn't there. Shepard has Miranda. That's a good enough reason to not fool herself into thinking she could have a future with Shepard.

"But you will risk your life for Shepard and you have, over and over again. Oh, yeah, I read up on your history. It's really great." She smiles and leans close. "By the way, Shepard is checking out your ass right now. Thought you'd want to know."

"What?" she yelps, alarming several of the patrons and earning a dirty look from the asari matriarch. Her eyes lock with Shepard's, who immediately looks away.

"Told you." Kasumi says.

Tali can't speak.

"Excuse me, human? Private con-ver-sa-ti-on? Ugh."

Shepard lifts her hands and walks away from the turian and quarian. Tali laughs and walks alongside of her as they leave the Eternity Club. "Looks like some people aren't so impressed with the great Commander Shepard," Tali tells her, finding it somewhat ironic and discomforting that she isn't one of them.

"That poor turian is locked firmly in the friend zone," Shepard tells Tali.

"Maybe she didn't realize?" Tali suggests. She pities the poor turian, trying so desperately for the affections of the quarian woman, making his subtle suggestions. He's as hopeless as she is around Shepard. At least she knows better than to try to subtly ask Shepard to join her for walks or romantic movies. They can't even go to the same restaurants.

"Oh, she knew." They look at one another and away. Kasumi literally disappeared from Tali's side minutes ago. For all Tali knows she's somewhere close—or maybe she has gone to explore. Shepard and Tali reluctantly joined one another, both pretending that any admiring of assets had not happened. "So," Shepard starts casually, "Nerve-stim pro, eh? The standard for any responsible adult quarian? You have one of those?"

"Shepard!" She flushes. No. She doesn't have one of those. She isn't irresponsible. She just hasn't. Though now—she is awful curious. It is the responsibility of a responsible adult quarian. Oh, Keelah. She's allowed too much time to pass in silence. "That's none of your business!"

"Just idle curiosity, Tali."

"Forget it," Tali snaps. "There are some things you shouldn't be curious about." Who does Shepard think she is to ask her things like that? Sure, maybe it's something she'd discuss with other girls on the Flotilla but this is Shepard… Is she trying to humiliate her?

"Maybe. Doesn't mean it works that way." They exit to the market area of Illium, moving over to the railing and gazing out at the skies. Illium is a beautiful world with beautiful architecture. It would be nice to have a homeworld. She wouldn't care if it was in pieces, as long as she could remove her mask, remove her suit without fear of death. Maybe be close to someone. "Quarians date humans often?"

"No, not often. Surely you spied that part of the conversation about cross-species fluid contact." If she ever forgets why she and Shepard would be a bad idea (aside from the obvious impossibility) that will be a solid reminder.

"What about turians?"

"That's not as difficult. Why? Are you trying to set me up with Garrus?" She laughs. Garrus. She has nothing in common with him. They barely talk.

"You and Garrus?" She smirks. "Sorry, wasn't on my to-do list."

"I didn't know you had one of those." Tali smiles. That would require some kind of planning. Shepard prefers to take things as they come and figure things out on the fly. The Collectors are a different matter altogether but she has never seen Shepard worry about the small details. "How are things with Miranda?"

"All right," she says distractedly. "She's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I took Jack's side in an argument."

"I'm sure things will settle down and she'll get over it." Tali heard about the argument. She thinks Shepard made the right decision. It has nothing to do with standing against Miranda—it's about standing against Cerberus. Excusing their past behavior is unforgivable and she worries about what message it would send to Jack who is unstable enough as it is.

"Maybe. Not too worried about it. I can't say that I miss her. I'm not going to waste my time kissing her or Cerberus' ass. Not to get back into her pants, anyway."

Tali won't read too much into her words. "Maybe she misses you."

"Doubtful. Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck. Or two or three or twenty."

Tali bows her head, narrowing her eyes. She worries for Liara and for Miranda and the trail of women that Shepard may leave with broken hearts. Does Shepard intentionally go after cold women? Or does she leave them that way in her wake? A fuck is a fuck. What would she know about that? Nothing. She's never kissed anyone. She can't imagine living that way, nor wanting to live that way. "Don't you care about anybody, Shepard?"

Shepard squares her jaw, eyebrows narrowing. "You don't get it."

"I don't? Why? Because I'm stuck in this suit? Because I'm some kid?"

"Don't put words into my mouth." Her eyes have that red-hue to them again, shining in the darkness. There are slivers of bright orange visible beneath her skin. Tali wonders if she ought to be intimidated but she isn't. "I know it's different for quarians. Humans and asari aren't so limited."

"Limited?" she asks heatedly.

"We can do trial runs. Sometimes things don't work out. It isn't a risk. It doesn't have to be such a damned commitment."

"You make it sound as if you've tried. With Liara you didn't like her attitude and you let her go. She really cared about you, Shepard. I don't know about Miranda. Truthfully, in the beginning I thought she was only sleeping with you to control you," she says. Shepard scoffs, "but maybe I wasn't giving either of you enough credit for your actions. From my perspective, it looks as if a small bump comes along and you use it as an excuse to not bother anymore."

"I never expected you to be team Miranda."

"I'm not! But Shepard—Keelah, I just worry about you."

"Don't," she says sharply.

"You once told me that you don't deserve better than an enemy. That isn't true. But you're never going to be close to anyone if you don't allow yourself to care or open up. I can't imagine how lonely you must be when you keep everyone at a distance. Your life is difficult enough. It would be beneficial to have someone beside you."

"This from a quarian? Unbelievable." She shakes her head. "I don't have time for this. Go back to the ship and send Zaeed out. I don't need you on this mission talking my ear off about how to lead my life, telling me how to feel."

Hot tears of rage sting Tali's eyes. "You really can be a bosh'tet," she pulls away from the railing. "Fine. Get rid of me when I say something you don't like. And you say that I act like a child." She glowers, returning to the ship.

"I don't think she meant it," Kasumi tells her, when Tali visits, legs folded under her. "You should have seen her when you went. Pacing and tearing her hand through her hair. It wasn't pretty. And you should have seen her when we were on the mission. Vicious! She made Zaeed look like a boy scout. Scary."

"I don't want to talk about her," Tali fires back, trying to get an email out to Kal'Reeger. It's been too long since she's communicated with him—she has no one to blame but herself. He's sent her several emails. "All we do is talk about her. It's pointless."

"I think she likes you." Kasumi says. Tali shoots her a look. "Hear me out. With Liara and Miranda she blows them off and instantly forgets them. But arguments with you really bother her."

"You're reading too much into it. She's just not used to having someone talk back."

"I took a picture of her when I had her go with me after Hock." She pulls a picture up on her omni-tool of Shepard in a dress. "I told her she should wear it around the ship but she told me to get stuffed."

Tali looks at the picture, Shepard's expression hard but eyes vibrant, striking.

Tali paces in front of Shepard's cabin door. They returned hours ago from the Collector ship. The Illusive Man set them up, the bastard. Not a surprise but to risk Shepard, to risk them and the mission for data? It's too much like Haestrom again. Shepard shouted, her voice spiking brutally.

When it was over she exited the conference room, a hand to her side, coming away red before falling over. Chakwas assured Tali she's fine. To bring her some chicken soup. Now she's in her cabin. Tali doesn't know what chicken soup is but was given a can by Gardner, which Tali plopped into a bowl and carries with her.

She doesn't know why this would comfort anybody but it's worth a try. Truthfully she feels guilty for not having spoken more than a few words to Shepard in days. Shepard hasn't asked her to come on any missions and Tali hasn't known what to say to her. So now she has a bowl of whatever chicken soup is.

She knocks on the door, hears a muffled response granting entry. She enters. Shepard's room is large. And dark. There's a fish tank with various fish swimming through it. Some are bright and lively, others glide through lazily. Shepard once told her that Kelly feeds them 'just cause' but Tali thinks it's because Kelly is desperately eager to get into Shepard's bed.

Shepard is propped on the bed in sweat pants and a tank-top. Her abdomen is bandaged in ribbons, blood having soaked through.

"Hey." Tali lifts the bowl, her peace offering.

"Hey," Shepard says with a tired smile.

"I brought chicken soup. Chakwas told me humans enjoy this. And…you're a human." She moves closer, listening to the music that plays softly. Shepard nods at the bed. Tali guesses Shepard wants her to sit. She hesitates, nerves rattling her before doing so. "Can you move all right?"

"Oh, sure. I'll be back to killing things in no time. Goddamn Praetorian."

"I heard what happened. I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Don't be. I knew it'd only be a matter of time before he stabbed me in the back. And now we know what we need to get through that Omega-4 relay. He may be a bastard but he's a smart one." She reaches for the soup and grimaces, clutching her side before smiling tightly.

"The ends justify the means? Well, I don't agree. Or not how it came about, anyway." She stirs the soup and lifts the spoon to Shepard's mouth. Shepard laughs, her eyes flicking away momentarily before tasting it. "How is it? Do you feel comforted?"

"Sure I do." She smiles wanly. "So this is what I'm reduced to? An invalid?" she takes another spoonful of soup. "Christ, did Gardner give you that? Canned for twenty years?"

"I think the can said forty but I'm not sure." Tali says. Shepard chuckles and she grabs her side again. Tali feeds her another spoonful, unsure of why she's doing this, unsure of why Shepard, who likes to slap hands offered to her in aid, is accepting it. Shepard finishes the soup in silence. When it's done Tali sets the bowl aside. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Even if I'm a bosh'tet?"

"I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you should have." Shepard frowns. "Sorry. Don't have any fancy words. Better at pulling a trigger than saying the right thing."

"I noticed."

Shepard's smile comes again, faint and tired. "Look…" she takes a breath. Tali waits. "What you have with the quarians isn't anything I've ever known. I was a military brat. Grew up in space. Moved a lot. Military families aren't known for being affectionate. I'm a hell of a commander. And when you need something dead I'm the one to come to. I know how to fuck and how to get a woman into my bed." Tali blushes furiously. There's a long beat where Shepard looks at her. "But I don't know how to be close to anyone. I barely know how to have friends. Let's face it, I'm kind of a jerk."

"Yes, but you're our jerk." Tali covers Shepard's hand. It's only for a moment. She's already pulling it away Shepard's hand turns. Their fingertips graze. Tali looks at Shepard who withdraws the hand completely. Tali wonders if she imagined it.

"Are we friends again?"

"We never stopped." She takes a breath. "I could have handled it all more maturely, Shepard. If anything had happened to you I would have never forgiven myself for leaving things that way between us. I'm sorry." Shepard shakes her head, rejecting the apology. Tali stands. "Focus on getting better. All of us need you."

She can download the Nerv-stim pro right from her omni-tool into her suit! Technology! Tali lies nervously in bed. Well. She is only being responsible. Also, her body has left her uncomfortable and tense lately, demanding satisfaction. It would be best if she took it for a trial run. The Nerv-stim pro, that is.

She plays with the settings. Oh, Keelah. Oh…!

She doesn't allow herself to think of Shepard. That would be rude. Maybe Kal-Reeger? Both? No! That's terrible. Her thoughts wander. She closes her eyes and lets pure feeling wash over her. No wonder quarians can go so long without contact! Can it feel any better than this?

It's wonderful. It feels wonderful. But when it's over she's alone. She wonders what it would be like to have someone with her, to have someone hold her, how much she would give for just one kiss with Shepard.

She leaves the Rayya in a collected state. Her father's name is safe though he is dead. Shepard gave the admirals a thrashing unlike anything Tali's sure they'd ever received. The Flotilla believes in her again. She leaves with a new name, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy.

Once she returns aboard the Normandy the shock settles in. Her legs give way from her. She fades in and out of consciousness. Shepard is above her. Carrying her? Tali can't understand the words Shepard is saying. They're distorted and far away.

"My suit. It's my suit," Tali manages, her voice splintered. It must be her suit.

Shepard looks sad. "It's going to be all right. I promise."

"You've said that before."

She's hot. So hot. Burning up. Empty. Like the damned Nerv-stim pro. Hot and burning and empty. Her suit. Her father. Oh, Keelah. Keelah. She doesn't want to wake. There's nothing to wake to.

The fever doesn't subside for days. The tear in her suit wasn't enough to kill her but it has been enough to drain her thoroughly. She should have been more careful while on the Alarei. She wasn't thinking. In some ways, she still isn't. She reports to engineering but is dizzy and unsteady. She can't get her thoughts in order. Kenneth and Gabby send her away.

She retreats to her small room. The new Normandy is far larger and allows her, her own space. She's still unused to it but has been grateful to have a place to mourn privately. The others shouldn't see her like this. Auntie Raan writes. She liked Shepard. She worries. 'Are you all right?' She asks over and over again and 'should you return to the Rayya?' Tali hasn't responded.

She lies in bed, curled into herself and cries. She downloads an education vid Dealing with Loss. It doesn't help her. Nothing helps her. Her father cared about her. Her father, the traitor, her father who wanted to give her a homeworld, who left her to pick up his mess, who left her with the damning knowledge of what he tried to do, what he nearly did. And she sent back all the pieces that made his work possible. Is she as much to blame? Maybe she should have been exiled. Maybe she's the monster.

There's a knock. Tali ignores it. Shepard comes in anyway. Tali shuts the vid off and sits up. She swallows the lump in her throat. "I should be in engineering," she says, a light tremor in her voice.

"I don't give a damn about that. That's not why I'm here." Shepard sits on the bed without being invited. "Tali, I'm sorry about what happened at your trial. God, I'm sorry about everything." Shepard has said this before. Has said that Tali deserved better. Tali maintains that people shouldn't live their life by the expectations of what they do or don't get. "How are you? Donnelly said he and Daniels sent you away. Looks like they have some sense after all. It's been a week. Christ, I should have visited more."

"You have a team to gather, Shepard. And I'm grown."

"Still, losing a father's tough."

"You lost yours. You told me—that he used to beat you? Treat you badly?" Tali asks. Shepard shrugs lightly as if the details don't matter. "What my father has done—what he did—" Her throat locks up. "Thank you. For what you did at the trial. I never thought that Father cared for me. He never had time. But I loved him. When we walked away from the Rayya I thought that I had grown into someone he could be proud of. Someone strong. An admiral's daughter."

"You are strong. You are someone to be proud of. Don't doubt yourself because of what he did."

"I just want to cry all the time. I'm not crying now, by the way." Even if her eyes sting just talking about him. "Quarian families aren't allowed more than a child—unless there's a drop in the population. There wasn't one when I was born. I don't have any family left. There's Auntie Raan but… How did you deal with it, Shepard? How did you deal with losing your father? My mother died. It was difficult but I accepted it. It was different, I guess but… Should it be this hard for me?"

"You've been under a lot of stress. You've joined up with your old commander to fight one hell of a battle. And he was your father. You're—you're not human," she mutters, "but you're caring and good. Of course you're going to be affected." She sighs. "I didn't mourn my old man, really. I heard the news and I went on a binger so bad I had a hangover for weeks. I don't even remember the funeral. I thought Mom was going to kill me. And I would have deserved it. I was such a selfish shit."

"You're not like that anymore. That must have been difficult, Shepard. Thanks for telling me. I know how you… guard your personal stories." She sits, reclines against the wall. There is a small model of a quarian ship sitting on her small shelf. She looks at it and to Shepard. "I meant to give that to you earlier. You collect little ships, yes?"

"Yeah…"

Tali stands, lethargically. She's worn down. The energy she must expend to rise, walk several feet and collect the cruiser is almost enough to take it out of her. She hands the ship to Shepard. "Here you go, Captain."

"Captain, huh? Wonder how many people I'll have to blackmail to get that one. But I'm all right if it's just between you and me." She bows her head thoughtfully. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I like the sound of it. I wish I could have given it to you in a better way." Shepard holds on to the ship, looking it over before looking up at Tali. Tali sits beside her. "I'm pretty sure I would have fought that Han'Gerrell if they wanted you back. Kal-Reeger, too."

Tali laughs softly. "My place is by your side, Shepard. Before you start drawing guns and swinging your fists, you could ask my opinion."

"Maybe I'm intimidated by your opinion." She grimaces when Tali sniffles. Shepard slides closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder, drawing her close. Tali rests against her, breathing softly. "Are you crying?" Shepard asks. Tali says nothing, the hot tears scalding along her face. "Let it out. I'm here."

Tali watches through blurry tears as Shepard's fingers twine curiously with her own. Tali isn't used to seeing anything like it. Shepard's grip tightens reassuringly. Tali closes her eyes and breathes.

"I just helped Samara kill her daughter."

Tali sits with Shepard in the VIP area of Afterlife. The red light washes everything the color of blood. Here, it's difficult to see how Shepard's eyes glow in the dark. Shepard downs the remainder of her drink and sets it down on the nearby table. The two of them sit on the padded red cushions, left mostly to their own devices. Many of the mercenaries previously in the room quickly scattered upon spotting Shepard.

"Morinth was her daughter?"

Shepard nods. "We tracked her here. Baited her. With me." She allows a small grin. "I'm quite a catch, you know." Tali smiles. "And then we killed her. I think about it—her numbers versus my mine. She was born with a defect—killing when she mates with someone, when their systems 'meld'. Oh, she made it sound like one hell of a way to go, in some kind of unbelievable mind-blowing fuck. Tempting" she flicks her eyes to Tali, who narrows hers. "I wouldn't have done it." She adds.

Tali isn't sure she believes her. "It sounds terrible. I'm sure you did the right thing, Shepard."

"Did I? She was born with something beyond her control. If I was hunted for being who I was, you can bet your ass I'd fight it. Fuck living like a nun in some remote shelter somewhere." She closes her eyes. "Morinth told me to take her. To kill Samara. To let her help me." There's a beat. She looks at Tali. "I thought about it."

"Keelah, Shepard. Why?"

"You draw clean distinctions between right and wrong, Tali. Most of the time, I don't like it. Idealism can be a cancer. But hell, if that doesn't make things any easier." She draws a breath. "This conversation is between you and me, all right?"

"Yes. Yes, of course."

"Sometimes to kill the monsters you have to become one. You heard about Torfan. Must have." She runs her hands over her face. "I took that name they gave me, Butcher of Torfan, I wore it like a badge. When that batarian piece of shit was kneeling in front of me, crying and bloody I smiled and pulled the trigger. His brains splattered. Fuck him. I killed most of my squad to prove a point. To teach a lesson." There's another long beat. "What's a girl like you doing here with someone like me, in Omega?"

"Sometimes I wonder. You're not perfect. We've already established that you're a bosh'tet. Shepard—I can't judge your life. We all make mistakes. If you rewrote any one part of your history—who knows who you'd be? If you'd even be the same person? Who you are is the person who stopped Saren and Sovereign. You're the one who has stood up for me so many times throughout the years—but not just for me, for others, too. Shepard… I never asked. Are you all right?"

"I have my life, a beer," she reaches across the table to pick up a bottle, "and a woman at my side. What more could I want?"

Tali won't allow herself to be distracted. "You died."

"I came back."

"Do you feel different?"

"Not really." She touches her scarred cheek. "Pretty sure I'm uglier than I was before."

"You could never be ugly." Tali says too quickly. Shepard smirks. "But… I do worry about what Cerberus did to you. Your face…" She reaches a hand forward, stopping herself before she touches Shepard's cheek. Shepard takes the hand, holds it, brings it to her face. There's a faint warmth to her skin. But the texture, the softness, she can't feel any of that. "I hate these damned gloves," she mutters.

"I hate your damned mask. I want to look at you. I want to see your face."

Tali tries to laugh any embarrassment away but can't make a sound. She doesn't know whether she should be angry. As if it were that easy. As if she wants to live under the damned mask and be questioned by others when something significant happens and they don't know if she's affected enough. "What for?" she whispers.

Shepard slides an arm around her and draws closer. The music pounds so loudly that it rattles the floors, the furniture. She can feel the bass throbbing in her heart. There's no way Shepard could have heard her. "You really don't know?" Tali stares at her, lips parted. What would others think if they saw them here like this, sitting in the dark, Shepard with an arm around her, face so close? "I think my poker face is better than yours."

And then, much to Tali's dismay, she slides away, bringing the bottle of beer to her lips. What does she mean? The talk of poker faces? Tali groans inside. Where is Kasumi to translate all of this when she needs her? "Why the fascination with looking at my face?" Tali asks.

Shepard takes a long drink of her beer. "Do you feel anything when I look at you? Only you?"

Tali doesn't see what her question has to do with Shepard's response. Is she trying to change the subject? Or is Tali only too nervous and wound up to be able to make sense of her words? Shepard is several years older than her. Seven years older than her to be exact and she's lived a life full of experiences that Tali can't touch. Tali manages something that's almost a nod.

Shepard turns her body, facing her. "I want to see what you look like when you look at me. Only me. I want to see how your face changes. If it changes. As it is—I can't really tell the difference between when you look at me or Jacob or Miranda or …or anyone. Sorry. That's how it is."

"Do you think I want to hide myself?" She asks too sharply and regrets it. Shepard looks forlorn. "Don't you know how it kills me to be trapped in this suit? Nobody knows what I look like, Shepard. Nobody has seen my face since I was a child. I couldn't even tell you. But, if I could show my face to anyone—I'd show it to you."

"Maybe you will, someday." She touches her fingers to Tali's mask, grimaces as if the contact with something that isn't flesh burns her. "I need another beer," she mutters. "Want another turian drink? That's all this piss hole has."

Charming. "No, thanks, I'm good." It's not a complete lie. Half of her is elated. The other, miserable.

So what if she accidentally let it slip that she would link her suit environment with Shepard's? It doesn't mean anything and Shepard doesn't need to read anything into it. Yes, she trusts Shepard. She's said as much before. It's only… It's only…

She takes a shuddery breath.

It's only late. Shepard, the scamp, has slipped into her room behind her, sat on her bed as if she owns the room, the ship and watched her. "I think you were blushing earlier," Shepard tells her.

Shepard told her as much in engineering. Letting her know that she trusted Tali, too. Tali felt as if her body were on fire, coupled with the soaring of her heart and she was left breathless. Now, Shepard sits on her bed, fingertips grazing her legs, her thighs, climbing higher. Even clothed, the contact is enough to make her crazy. Shepard stands, hands settling possessively on her hips.

Tali doesn't think she'd mind being possessed by Shepard. She forgets how to talk.

"I'd link suit environments with you, too," Shepard says.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. This isn't happening. Shepard isn't in her room, at this hour. The Flotilla would be scandalized. So would the rest of the Cerberus ship. Is Kasumi in here now? Hiding somewhere? Spying? "You're just saying that to get into my suit." Shepard doesn't mean it. Does she? Shepard hasn't even seen her face. Looks are very important to humans. Shepard wouldn't forego it. Not for her. "It won't work, Shepard. I'm not easy like that."

"You act as if I mind a challenge." Her hands glide upward, along her waist, along her ribs before sliding to her shoulders and down the front, grazing along her breasts. She takes her time. The sensation is so different, five digits compared to her own three that she has cautiously run over herself before feeling too guilty to continue. Tali nearly passes out, unused to the contact, unused to the wild energy coursing through her, making her dizzy with desire. Shepard's hands slide down along her back, settling at the small of it and pulling her closer, until their stomachs touch, their hips touch. Their eyes meet, holding each other's gaze. Shepard speaks softly. "I don't mind waiting."

"W—waiting?" Tali's not sure she wants to. If only she could be irresponsible and tear her clothing off. Only to be left feeling rather awkward and at a loss of what to do. "Why—why would you do that? You don't even—I can't even—" She wishes she wouldn't stammer so when she's nervous.

"For you. For this. For us. Tell me you want to."

Tali swallows the lump in her throat, stunned to hear the desperation in Shepard's voice. "Sh—Shepard… I—I don't know. This is all—this is all a lot—and I said some things—and I…" her heart beats furiously. "I ah—it's late and you shouldn't—shouldn't be here—I'm in a suit and—there really isn't much room to—"

Shepard locks eyes with her. "Do you want to be with me?"

Tali stares. Does she want to be with her? Yes. Her and no other. It's all she's wanted for years now. There is no one else that she wants, no one else in her heart. "Shepard," she nearly chokes on her name, "are you blind?"

"Are you? You've been driving me crazy since I saw you on Freedom's Progress. God, Tali. I've wanted nothing more than to press my lips to yours for months now. I think of you," she lowers her voice as if admitting something shameful, "I dream of you. I think I could be close to you," she closes her eyes, presses her forehead against Tali's. Shepard's heartbeat is elevated. "If you let me."

"What about Miranda?" she asks in a hoarse whisper.

"For fuck's sake."

"It's a valid question."

"I don't want to talk about her. I haven't seen her in weeks."

Tali exhales. "If you want to be with me, keep it that way." Tali reluctantly steps back from her. "Shepard—this isn't a game to me. I don't want it to be like Liara or Miranda. I really… care about you. I'm a quarian. You're a human. Do you know what that would mean for me? Do you know how difficult it would be? It could kill me. And you'd be… frustrated. I'd be frustrated."

"Since when have we shied away from difficult odds? It'd be easier than stopping the Collectors and Saren. We've done it before. We can do it again. This is worth it. You know it is, Tali."

"I need to think about this. Keelah, Shepard, you're throwing a lot at me at once. I didn't even know that you noticed me like that. And to say now that for months…"

"I know how I've seemed. I know what you've seen." Shepard takes Tali's hands. "Christ, Tali, I didn't even think it'd be possible until Kasumi said something." Kasumi? Tali tries to figure out whether she should shoot her or buy her a drink. "We can do some research. We can talk to Mordin… you can talk to… whoever." She takes a breath, her fingers lightly along her neck. "We can be… creative."

Creative? It's hot. Too hot. Much too hot. "I – I don't even know what you mean by being cre—creative."

Shepard smiles back at her. "Think about it." And goes.