A/N: A Shep chapter. This was initially going to be a much smuttier chapter and then I remembered I rated it T. Whoops. In another time...another life.

"Shepard!"

Shepard blinks and wonders how she happened to forget that she is seated across one of the most perfect human specimens in existence. Miranda sits behind her desk, leaning forward, hand stretched out across as if to yank her back to attention or slap her. She has before. They both had fun that night. Shepard smiles thinking of it.

"Don't smile." Miranda warns. She rises, walking around the desk and sitting on the edge. Shepard leans back on the chair, folding her arms behind her head. Goddamn, if she isn't a sight. "Can you pretend that you give a damn about this briefing? My time is valuable and I'm not here to waste it—not even on you, Commander. I already gave you two years of my life."

Shepard shifts uncomfortably in the chair. "A god's creation is reward enough." Miranda's eyes sharpen, more cutting than daggers. Shepard lifts her hands. "Relax, Miranda. Briefing or no briefing, I'll get it done. You're the brains and the exquisite body of this operation. I'm the muscle."

"Oh, you've remembered that now, have you? I was beginning to think you'd forgotten." She appraises her coolly. "You haven't been stopping by."

"You have a lot of work to do."

"I can make time. I have. As you know." She moves away from the desk, walking around the chair Shepard sits in, settling a hand on her shoulder. Shepard glances at it but doesn't take it. "What's the matter with you?" She continues before Shepard can ask. "There was a time when you came in here and had me pressed against a wall before I could get a word in edgewise."

"Maybe I've learned to be a respectful human being."

Miranda laughs. "You? I don't think so." Her hand slides down Shepard's arm, grazing her abdomen, touching the waist of her pants. Shepard takes her wrist. "You're stopping me?" Their eyes meet. "You don't want me?"

"There isn't a person alive who doesn't want you, Miranda. If they say they don't, they're lying."

Miranda meets her eyes. Shepard remembers when she only saw ice in them. Now there's something more but it's gone just as quickly, becoming colder and harder than steel. How strange to take something like meeting someone's eyes for granted. What are Tali's eyes like? "You're thinking of her." Miranda says. She tugs her wrist away and returns to the desk, crossing her arms. "I don't believe it."

"Forget the cryptic bullshit, Miranda, and get to your point."

"Don't do that, Shepard. I told you before that I'm good at exacting a person's motivations, what they're after. I know what you're after. I just can't believe it." She laughs again, short and caustic. "You've lost it over a quarian virgin. That's…pathetic." Shepard scowls. "I didn't think it could be true but it is. There's no other explanation. So, you fucked your XO and you were hoping for what, a greater challenge?"

"Fuck you."

"No thanks. I made that mistake a few too many times."

"You were eager to make it again a minute ago." Shepard says. Miranda doesn't react but Shepard's sure she heard her and is trying to save face. "What I do isn't any of your business."

"Wrong. I'm here to monitor your progress and to ensure that the mission isn't compromised. Quarians are fragile, looking at them the wrong way makes them sick. Like it or not, she's a valuable fighter. Do you really want to compromise the mission, her, just to add another race to the notches on your belt?"

"I'll see myself out. Screw this briefing." She gets to the door, stops and turns around. "Look, I'm sorry you have hurt feelings about whatever happened between us. If it's any consolation you're an unbelievable fuck. The best I've had, by far."

"I'm glad that's sorted. Commander Shepard thinks I'm an unbelievable fuck. I should retire everything now—my life is complete."

Shepard's cheeks nearly heat. She controls herself. "If I could have you in my head, Miranda, I would." No, she wouldn't. If she could get by without having anyone in her head, she'd be elated. She could continue doing whatever the hell she wants. Instead she goes and develops feelings for the woman she could kill by touching. "But that isn't how it works. You're smart. You should know that."

"A lecture on relationships by Commander Shepard. I really have seen it all. Well, if she has any sense she'll stay away from you. You're a great leader, Shepard. The best. But you're not partner material." Miranda returns to sit behind the desk. "Tali'Zorah's irritating to no end but… she deserves better than you. And so do I."

Shepard's jaw tenses. Her fingers uncurl, start to curl, uncurl again. "Tell me something I don't know."

"You're going to hurt her." She allows a moment. The breath in Shepard's lungs burns. "It was fun, Shepard but I came here to work. Not play. Thanks for reminding me that I was dangerously close to getting my priorities out of order." She bows her head. "Now, if you'll excuse yourself, I really do have work to do."

"Hey, Shep." Kasumi falls in line beside her. Shepard glances at her, irritated at how often she materializes out of thin air. Who knows what she's been spying. "That was really rough but you did the right thing. You two got pretty loud on occasion, I'm sure ending things sexually with her just now must have been tough."

"You're here to fight, Kasumi, not spy." Did they get that loud? Christ. She hadn't noticed. With Miranda it was easy to forget that anything else existed. Her body, her skill, those depraved words she whispered into her ear, what they did together is enough to give the asari consort a run for her money. Why in the hell is she giving that up? Is she fucking crazy?

"Luckily for the two of us, I can do both." She grabs Shepard's arm. Shepard pulls it away. "I know you're a bit of a bad girl. And if the gossip is to be believed you've got a lot of experience under your belt."

"Get to the point," she says cuttingly.

"Ah, you're tense. So tense. This is perfect timing to illustrate my point. Tali's sweet. Neither one of us have missed that she's a quarian. Which naturally means she hasn't been able to experience the same things you or I have."

Shepard shakes her head. "I said get to the point."

"Fine. Rob a girl of waxing poetic. I could tell you of the dangers and treating Tali with respect and keeping control of your libido. All of that is in there somewhere, sure. But what I really meant to say was that I'll kill you if you hurt her. After all this Collector business is done, anyway."

"I'm not going to do that." Who are these people questioning her? Maybe she's hurt others before. It wasn't her fault they got attached. "Not that it's any of your business but I care about Tali. I'm not going to fuck it up like I have with other people."

"If you think you can't hurt the people you care about, you really have a lot to learn. And I'm not talking about the obvious cross-species stuff."

"Get lost," Shepard tells her lethally.

"Have it your way," Kasumi rolls her eyes and disappears.

Donnelly is checking out Tali's ass.

To his credit he manages to do it while working. He speak with Daniels. Shepard understands the basics but she's a soldier, not an engineer. As long as her ship is running well, she'll leave them to their work. "And those hips," he tells Daniels, who punches a button fiercely on the terminal. "What a figure. I'm telling you Gabby, it's hard to work on the Normandy with all these distractions. I'm amazed I get anything done."

"Maybe you'd do well to be relocated, Donnelly," Shepard says. Donnelly nearly jumps out of his skin. He hadn't heard her enter, too focused on Tali's figure to pay attention. "Do you really think it's professional to make comments like that about a crew member to another member of the crew?"

Donnelly flushes, caught. "No—no, ma'am. Sorry, Commander." He salutes and keeps his arm up, shaking. Daniels looks tickled.

"Focus on your work. Not what gets your dick hard. Understand?"

"Y—yes. Yes, Commander. It won't happen again, Commander."

"See to it that it doesn't. Daniels doesn't want to sit around listening to that crap," Shepard says. There's a trickle of sweat going down his face. Shepard smiles inwardly. "At ease. Get back to work."

"Y—yes, ma'am!" Donnelly salutes and returns to his station. "Christ," he mutters under his breath to Daniels, "I thought she was going to shoot my dick off. That was terrifying."

"Serves you right," Daniels grins, "Tali has better things to do than be ogled by you."

"Those hips are worth risking your life for, Gabby," he says.

Damn right. "Tali, here, now," Shepard shoots to her, making her way to the drive core. Tali doesn't follow her right away, seemingly taking her time making whatever adjustments she's making at her station. Shepard waits impatiently, holding on to the small railing that separates them from the drive core.

Tali eventually presents herself. "I'm not a dog, Shepard. Don't order me around like one." Shepard grimaces and mutters an apology. Tali moves to stand beside her. "What's up? I heard you snapping at Kenneth. Was he ogling Gabby?"

"He was ogling you," Shepard says with a grin. "Only I'm allowed to do that." Tali shuffles bashfully. Shepard wishes she could rip the damned helmet off and kiss her here and now. "I've been thinking about you," she says lowly, covering one of Tali's hands with her own. Tali looks down at it and up at her. "Come to my cabin tonight."

"Alone? I ah—I mean," she sputters, looking down. Shepard tightens her hold gently on her hand. "Did you—did you want to do something?" Shepard smiles. "I—I haven't. There are some things I could do—but… I… it would take a while for it to take affect and I haven't gotten everything yet and besides that—"

"Slow down. You can come by to…talk."

"Talk? In your cabin? We can talk here."

"We can't do everything I want to do here." She slides her fingers along the railing before sliding an arm around her waist, pulling her close.

"Shepard…!" Tali whispers viciously, "someone will see."

For an instant, Liara flashes in her mind. "Let them."

"I—I don't want anyone to think—to get the wrong idea—"

"The wrong ideas are all the fun ones," Shepard says. Tali's so nervous in her arms that she's shaking. Or maybe she's only humming with desire. Shepard can take a guess but isn't sure she'd be right. "Anyway, would anyone really be getting the wrong idea?"

"M—maybe not. I ah—you're so close." Her hands touch Shepard's arms gently. Shepard has never been with a quarian. Never thought of being with one. Two years ago the idea would have been inconceivable. Tali's grown in a lot of ways. She thinks of Kasumi and Miranda's words. "There is some work I should be focusing on. It's hard when you're here... Was there something you wanted to talk about? In your cabin?"

"Nothing in particular. Nothing different than usual. I want to be alone with you. I want to touch you."

"Tali?" Donnelly comes around the corner just as Tali shoves Shepard away. Her back slams hard into the railing. Donnelly looks between the two of them. "Uh—didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"Y—you haven't interrupted anything," Tali says, hurrying to him. Great. If he didn't know anything was happening, he knows now. "What is it? Have you taken a look at those readings I told you about?"

Shepard waits, getting her bearings before moving past them. She cares about Tali but has she made a mistake? She's all worked up with no promise of release in sight. If it were anyone else she wouldn't hesitate to find another to ease her tension. But what would that do to Tali? Tali who is strong and has seen unimaginable horrors but in some ways is still too young and trusting. Fuck.

"Shepard?" Tali breaks away from Donnelly and catches her at the door. "Sorry for pushing you. I got nervous. I'll see you later. Should I bring anything?"

Shepard smiles with relief. "Just you."

From: Mom

So I have to find out my child is alive third-hand from Alliance brass? Where the hell have you been?

I figure whatever you're doing is classified, likely part of your Spectre Operations. Just stay safe out there, and keep doing your mom proud. And sneak something through a secure channel next time.

Love,

Your mother, Captain Hannah

Shepard sighs. She's been sitting on the message for weeks now. Tali lost her father and her mother. No doubt she'd think her a 'bosh'tet' for not having contacted her after so much time. The guilt nags at her and she opens a secure vid frequency, pacing the room, waiting for the vid call to go through. If she doesn't pick up then all the better and there will be a record that she's called. She'll be off the hook for being a terrible daughter.

Hannah Shepard picks up. "Hello?" It's been years since Shepard has heard her voice. She returns to proper range and peers into the camera, issuing a small wave. "Jesus, Jane!"

"Hey, they've only just started calling me that. How'd you find out?" She grins and peers at her mother's face, a hybrid of so many emotions it's almost comical. Her long blonde hair is tied up in a tight bun, streaked with gray. Shepard got her father's hair color. "So, I'm alive. I meant to tell you. I've been busy."

"I sent you a message weeks ago! I only found out after you'd been alive for God knows so long." She paces the room, spine straight and strong, she has the stripes of an admiral now. What did her mother feel, receiving the promotion with no one to share the day with her? Hannah fixes her blue eyes on her. "Jesus, Jane!"

"I'm really starting to like the sound of that."

"How could you not let me know? It would have taken seconds! I had to find out from that Admiral Pinkerton. You should have seen the smug look on his face. You left me with my ass hanging in the air!" Hannah says. Shepard smiles. "Jesus, Janey. Do you know how hard it was for me? To think that my only daughter was dead? I've already buried your father. We had an empty casket for you. You had a military funeral!"

Shepard moves around on the chair, her stomach turning uncomfortably.

"And what the hell have you been doing? Decking reporters on air? That Khalisah al Jilani is a pain in the ass but you can't do that. Think on how it reflects on the Alliance, on you, on me! If the Council doesn't think we're barbarians already, they will after that. Oh, honey, you've always been hotheaded but you have to grow up at some point."

"It's gotten me far enough," Shepard says. She brings a hand to her forehead.

"What's happened to your face?"

"Oh, this. It's what happens when a scientist beats God." She smiles, not mind her mother's horrified face. The cabin door open behind her. Shepard turns, desperately. Oh, shit. Tali? Not now. Is she early? Did this call take longer than expected? Or did she not think her whim through thoroughly?

"Shepard?" Tali asks.

Shepard looks back. Great. Get the girl to come to the room only to be cockblocked by her mother.

"Who is that?" Hannah asks. Tali comes to stand next to Shepard. Tali looks at her and then at Hannah. Hannah looks at Shepard. "I taught you manners, Jane."

"Jesus," Shepard mutters.

"Jane?" Tali asks. Shepard can hear the smile in her voice.

"This is Tali'Zorah," Shepard waves a hand at her. "She helped me stop Saren and Sovereign the first go round. Before the Collectors. Hell, if it wasn't for her, the Council would have never believed me about Saren and I doubt I'd be a Spectre. Tali. This is my mother, Hannah." Christ. She's never introduced anyone to her mother and she hadn't planned on doing so now.

"Oh!" Tali says, coming closer to the image. "Shepard has spoken warmly of you." Has she? Hannah looks doubtful. "It's lovely to meet you."

"And good to meet you," Hannah says tiredly as if not trusting that Shepard weren't up to something. "Has she been behaving herself?"

Tali laughs. "Not at all."

"Well, however they brought her back, it sounds like they brought her back just the same." There's a beat. "What are you doing there at this hour? Jane, don't tell me that you're—"

"Okay, that's enough," Shepard says going closer to the image of her mother. "I called you, I'm alive, I love you, I'll talk to you later when I've finished killing all the things—"

"Jane—!"

"Bye!" She says cheerfully and disconnects the call. There's a long silence, Tali's head is cocked, arms crossed lightly. "I don't want Cerberus spying on her," Shepard says. Part of that is true, anyway. She walks away from the vid monitor and moves further in the room to the couches. "So, you met my clearly very nosy mother."

"Not on purpose. I doubt you wanted to introduce me to her."

"It wasn't on the agenda," she says with a smirk. "But I can't say that I minded."

"You hung up on her," she says disapprovingly.

"I called. Because of you!" Ah, nobody appreciates the little things she does. "I don't want to talk about it."

"How did it go?"

"What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' did you miss?"

"Not any of it. You told me to come up here for a talk. So I'm talking." She slides closer to Shepard on the couch, managing to pull a smile from her in the process. "So, Jane Shepard?" she laughs. "You sound so… demure."

Shepard rolls her eyes. "It's a misnomer."

"She must have been so happy to see you." She folds a leg on the couch. Shepard tries not to stare at her thighs. Eyes up—where? The helmet? The light of her eyes? Sigh. "When I saw you on Freedom's Progress—I don't know. Suddenly it felt like the world had color again."

"Had a crush on me, did you?"

"Don't embarrass me." It sounds as if she's pouting.

"I don't mean to. I'm only teasing." But she is curious. She suspected Tali had feelings for her, though the suspicion is newly founded. Had she known sooner she would have… Shut her out, maybe. Or maybe tried to figure out a way for them to be together. Either way it sounds like wasted time. She touches her hand delicately to Tali's knee, stroking the flesh beneath through the suit, only capable of imagining what it's like.

Tali looks at her hand then at her. "I can't believe this is happening. It feels like a dream." She ducks her head, shakes it. "Keelah, Shepard. I don't know about this. I feel like such an idiot."

"Why?"

"Remember when you said before that humans and asari aren't so limited? I got angry because it's true. The things you have done—the lovers, the experiences—are things that I can only experience through books or …through a vid or something. If this is going to work, it will need to work for the both of us. What will make me happy will be less than…" There's a long moment. Shepard takes her hand. "I don't see how any of this would be fair to you."

"Hey, this is me you're talking to. I never play fair." She smiles.

"You know what I mean."

"I do. But it doesn't change anything."

"Shepard… what if you get bored with me? Not because of anything having to do with me but because I'm a quarian and I can't… be spontaneous or… or Keelah." She sighs. "I don't know if I'm ready to experience that kind of hurt. I don't know if it's inevitable and if I shouldn't bother."

Shepard shakes her head. "No one said it was going to be easy. It will be hard for the both of us. But I want to try. Don't give up on this before its begun." She gets to her feet and pulls Tali up with her. She's slighter than she is, kinder, better. She makes Shepard insatiably curious. "If you don't want this, I understand but I think you do. Don't let your fear keep you from what we both want. Those things you haven't experienced? We can experience them together. It will be new for the both of us."

"I want to kiss you, Shepard. How are we going to help that?"

Shepard has dreamed of the moment. It's always different. She's not exactly sure what Tali looks like beneath the helmet. She's made out a cute profile and little more. An asari once told her that the quarians were once considered the most beautiful of races. Then again, they mate with hanar and vorcha, so who the hell really knows. Shepard can't believe that Tali isn't beautiful. "I'll talk to Mordin," she says again. "He must know something." Tali nods apprehensively. Shepard wraps her arms around her waist, holding her close, turning Tali so Shepard's pressed to her back. She circles her arms around Tali's waist, presses her face to the crook of her neck.

"This feels nice," Tali admits quietly.

Shepard pulls her closer. Tali's hand drops to Shepard's leg, gliding dreamily along it. She lifts her hand back, lighting on Shepard's neck, stroking lightly. Shepard closes her eyes and breathes deeply. She presses her lips to Tali's neck. She kisses only cloth, feeling nothing of her and making a small, frustrated cry. Tali sighs softly. Her heart strains painfully. She thinks of Miranda, forgets Miranda, feels only Tali in her arms. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you," she confesses quietly.

This will be difficult.

Shepard washes the blood from her face. The water in the sink runs cherry red before lightening to a watermelon color and finally running clear. The explosion at the plant (one of many) gashed her cheek wildly. If not for medi-gel and Chakwas' quick work, Shepard isn't sure she would have a face to look at.

Tali came on the mission, along with Zaeed. Zaeed would have razed the factory to the ground if she'd let him. She almost let him. Tali took her arm. "Shepard, you can't allow this! We have to help those workers."

She grudgingly agreed. Vito Santiago got away. Shepard rinses her mouth, spitting red several times over before exiting the cabin, a small bounce in her step.

She can't recall a time she was excited to see a woman when sex wasn't on the table but Tali makes her crave for the company. For her company. Shepard makes it to crew deck, rapping on Tali's door before entering. Whatever Tali is looking at on her omni-tool, she quickly exits out of. "Did I interrupt?" Shepard asks.

"No! I was only um—doing a little research," she winces. "On humans. And human physiology and biology. We're not too different, actually." She pauses. "Your face looks better."

"It helps to not have a flap of skin hanging down."

"Agreed but that isn't what I meant. It looks as if it's healing," her fingers trace where the scars usually are. Tali has become less self-conscious about contact, no longer stammering like she used to. It's an improvement. Whenever they actually get down to the physical act, it might be a different matter entirely. "How?"

"Your good influence?" Shepard suggests. She shrugs. Having Tali around, the good angel on her shoulder, so to speak, is a mild-deterrent to her 'reckless' behavior. It also slows things down. Diplomacy isn't her strong suit. She prefers doing things her way. Maybe she should stop bringing her to missions but she's a capable fighter and any excuse to spend time with her…

"You did a good thing at that refinery, Shepard," Tali says, still tracing her face. Shepard shakes her head. "And I'm glad you didn't leave Zaeed."

"I only pointed a gun to his head."

"Could you have killed him?"

"I could kill anything if I had to." She takes Tali's wrists. "For the record, we're never going to completely agree on who is expendable and who isn't."

"That you can think of anyone as expendable is troubling."

"I'm realistic. Some people shouldn't exist."

"Is Zaeed one of them?"

"I need him. For now," Shepard says. Tali pulls away from her. Shepard sighs inwardly. "Tali, no matter how I feel for you, I can't have you questioning my decisions."

"I know that whatever you choose, we'll find victory because of it. I'm just not convinced that the quick and easy way is the right way. And after time, killing everything that stands in the way—doesn't that weigh on you?"

"We don't have time for diplomacy. Not all the time. Half of those guys I kill would kill hundreds more if I let them walk. I'm willing to do the things others aren't."

"Is that the way of the Alliance?"

"It's the way of a Spectre. It's my way."

Tali gives a small shake of her head. "I'm going to see this through with you, Shepard. No matter what. But your way is not my way. Don't ask me to pretend it is."

"I won't. You may drive me crazy with all that pesky morality of yours but I wouldn't have you any other way." She leans forward. She hates that damned helmet of hers. She pulls her closer. Tali's tense. "Do I still make you so nervous?"

"You make everybody nervous, Shepard. I'm no exception." Tali follows Shepard's guiding hand until she's straddling her in the small twin bed, Shepard's back against the wall. She exhales shakily. Looks around. Doesn't know what to do with her hands. She flattens them against the wall. "How did I even get myself in this position?"

"I distracted with you with a question. I like that you got yourself into this position," she grips Tali's hips and brings her closer. "Have you been taking your antibiotics?" Tali nods, her fingers slipping to Shepard's neck, running up through her hair. Shepard smiles. "Good."

"What about you?"

"Mordin shot me with three different injections before I could finish talking," she shifts her neck, revealing three different pin pricks. Tali finds them, touches them. Shepard trails her hands along Tali's legs while she does so, working her way up her thighs, watching her chest rise and fall, cupping her breasts, flicking her thumb along her nipples. Even beneath the suit she had to feel it. Tali's breath, coming faster tells Shepard she's right. If only she could see her face, kiss her mouth. "Did you ever get that nerv-stim pro?"

"Shepard…!"

That's answer enough. "Do you use it?" Shepard presses a kiss to her chest, damn the suit, damn the obstruction, eliciting a response from Tali is worth doing it. "Do you think of me when you use it?" Tali only breathes her name in response. "Use it now," Shepard whispers.

"I'm embarrassed. I couldn't!"

"You could. You can. Come on. It'll be fun." Shepard slides her hand along Tali's stomach, further below, slipping between Tali's legs. "I know you feel this."

She gasps softly. "Damn it, Shepard. I want to be out of this suit. I want to press against you with nothing in the way. I want your mouth on me, your hands… I need you."

The words are enough to drive Shepard wild with desire. This from Tali! The sweet girl, the innocent girl, the good girl. A woman now. Still all of those things. To think that she could want her. "I don't deserve you."

"We'll just have to disagree on that," Tali says. Her breath quickens as Shepard continues her touches, her kisses. "I want to touch you. I need to touch you. I have dreams that wake me. Dreams that I want to live with you."

Shepard can't believe her face is flushed. "We will."

"It's frustrating."

"It won't be for much longer," she draws Tali closer, their hips tightly against one another's. "Use the Nerv-stim pro," she says again. "We'll both enjoy it. I can see some part of you. Hear you. Hold you," Shepard breathes. Tali's breathing becomes more erratic. "Don't be shy."

"I can't help it. How is it that you make me feel shy and strong?"

Shepard smiles faintly. "You make me feel helpless." Shepard doesn't resist when Tali presses her further to the wall, shifting so she's closer to her, the closest she can be. Electricity courses through her, pleasure building, rising. Shepard closes her eyes. Tali doesn't let the program do all the work. Her hands explore along Shepard's body, tentatively at first, then more confidently when she discovers what gets a response from her. Their breathing is labored. Tali whispers sweet, beautiful desires, bold, wicked promises.