AN: I just found the neat little feature here on FanFic called Reader Traffic and wow! There are people in eighteen different countries reading this story! I am astounded! Do you know how cool that really is! Okay, I'll shut up now; I just had to share my excitement!
All italicized content are thoughts Edward is reading.
All notable character belong to Stephenie Meyer.
A Final Farewell
Nearly complete darkness surrounds me as I step out of the car and face my childhood home. Tonight is a new moon, my favorite of all the moons phases. Only during a new moon can you see all the starts in their true glory. My dad and I have spent many nights like tonight on the upstairs balcony looking through his telescope as he points out all the different constellations and the visible planets.
Sighing I wrap my arms tightly around my middle and walk toward the front door. We will stay here until I am ready to leave. Until I am ready to say goodbye to everything that holds my parents memories so firmly; then we will return to Forks. I had wanted to stay in Forks, I didn't want to return to Chicago at the end of the summer, but not like this. I thought I was ready to say goodbye to my dad; but I didn't want to say it permanently. I always thought I would be able to call or email, I thought he would always be here waiting with open arms and his lopsided grin. Now that I have gotten my way, I wish there were some way to reverse it. I would happily never leave Chicago again if only somehow it could bring Dad back.
Unlocking the door I prepare myself for what I need to do now. Stepping through I am assaulted by the scents of home. Dad has never quit using mom's favorite air fresheners. He always said they made him feel like she was still right here with us. The smell of roses fill every room in the house; I can't help but smile. Alice and Edward follow me as I walk into the living room and collapse into Dad's overstuffed leather chair. Edward sits to my left in the matching chair while Alice takes her place on the couch across from me.
"How are you holding up?" Alice asks concern lacing her voice.
"I guess I'm okay." I suppress a shudder knowing that I'm not being truthful. How could I be okay, nothing is okay at all. Tears burn behind my eyelids. I look down toward my feet trying to push the tears away. If I look into her face I will loose it. The entire Cullen family have been very nice to me but I know I shouldn't lean to much on them. They're Gran's friends not mine. I like Alice but I understand that she probably never would have spoken to me had she not known my relation to Granny Bell.
"Do you want to go lay down for a while?" She offers.
"No." I answer simply. I won't let them know, but I don't want to be alone right now. I'd rather sit here in the living room in utter silence with them than go to my room alone. The silence is not awkward with them here, just hearing them breathing or moving in their seats brings comforting noise to this room. I'm afraid in a room by myself the silence of the house would be to much to tolerate.
"We'll sit with you as long as you want Lenai." Edward says. I turn toward him. His eyes are clouded with sadness. Does being here hurt him, I never thought about the fact that coming to my house would be proof to him of Granny moving on. Proof that she had lived a life without him no matter how much she still loved him. Forcing my gaze away from him I turn toward the large picture window facing the back yard.
"Dad loved the back yard." I say in a whisper talking to myself.
"Tell us about him." Edward pleads.
"He loved to be outside. I remember when we moved in this house both the front and back yards were mud pits. The tractors had dug deep ruts while building this edition. Most of the other families opted to have landscapers come in and fix their yards for them, but not dad. He spent every weekend out in the yard making it beautiful. Every spring we have the most amazing flower garden, and I would help him plant the seedlings for our summer vegetable garden every year before I headed off to visit Granny Bell." My story trails off and we sit in silence for a while as I stare out the window at the dark void. "You can't see it, it's to dark but there is the most wonderful rose garden, Dad planted it right after mom died. He dug the small pond for the fountain himself. He worked till his hands bled from the blisters. He made a bench by hand. Mom had always wanted a rose garden with a place to sit to read her books, but Dad always had other projects. He never got around to it, I guess he felt it was a way to bring her back." I finish quietly.
Alice sits on the arm of my chair for a brief moment wrapping her arms around my shoulders hugging me gently. She pulls me up out of the chair and takes me over to the couch, sitting down again while holding me closely. She runs her fingers through my hair in a very mothering way. Being held so lovingly pushes me over the edge. I fight to hold back my tears but it's useless. I cling to Alice and cry until the tears will no longer come. Dry sobs continue to wrack my body for over an hour after my tears have stopped till I can no longer hold my eyes open.
EPOV
Alice gently picks Lenai up and carries her out of the living room. Walking toward the large window I contemplate what I have heard tonight. My gaze is drawn toward the far right corner of the back yard. The rose garden Lenai's father planted is barely visible in the darkness. I think of the sadness Bella's son must have faced after loosing his wife. I know the desperation of awakening to find the love of your life no longer with you. I know the regret faced with the realization that you did not do the one simple thing your loved one wanted. The anguish you feel knowing it is to late.
Alice returns to the living room and comes to stand by my side. "Is she going to be alright?" I ask.
"It's going to take a while, she's lost a lot. I think with time though she'll be fine." Alice says although she lacks her normal certainty.
"You think?" I ask, 'I think' is not a phrase I am used to hearing from Alice.
"I can't see her clearly. I mean I can see her future, but nothing is ever clear. If it's a situation where others are choosing for her I can see her clearly, but when it is up to her to choose her path everything is a bit convoluted. It's almost as if there are three of four different results showing at the same time and all of them are very vaporous. I've only seen a few things in great clarity, and most of those were the results of Bella's choices not Lenai's. None of them seem to be happening." She sighs, "I've been wrong more than I've been right with Lenai."
I can tell this is very frustrating for Alice. Blind spots in her visions have never failed to aggravate her. Fortunately there have been very few of these cases over the years, mainly focussed around the Volturi. I wonder what makes Lenai so difficult for her to predict. Her thoughts from earlier today in the car and tonight draw my attention. She never really thinks about herself. Other than the brief time when she was practically blaming her fathers' death on herself for wanting to stay with Bella instead of coming home, and her odd self blaming thoughts about my discomfort; all her thoughts were about others. I have heard her think of practically everyone but herself today. She's worried about Bella and the situation at the school. She was hoping Carlisle's patient will come through their surgery well tomorrow. She felt bad for taking Esme away from the house for so many days; she also felt guilty for keeping Alice away from Jasper who had had to return to Forks after getting them set up in the hotel. The emotional density of a hotel was just too much for him to handle; she had felt guilty for that as well. She had spent the day either reliving bittersweet memories or concerned for others. I have not once heard her make a decision, well except for this morning when she decided she needed to learn how to keep me out of her head. That thought causes me to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Alice asks.
"Lenai." I answer. Alice raises an eyebrow letting me know that was not a satisfactory answer. "She thinks she can figure out a way of blocking me."
"What's so funny about that, we all know how to do it."
"Alice," I stare at her incredulously, "she's human. What did you think of last time you blocked me?"
"Translating the Koran into Russian why?" she asks still obviously missing the point.
"Do you think she is able to do that? Most vampires are unable to block my thoughts. Aro is not even able to do it. How many years did it take you to learn how to effectively block me?" I ask.
"Oh, I see, sorry." she says in mock repentance. "Should we start getting things together for her or wait for her to do it herself?" she asks.
"We can do her father's office but for the rest of the house we should probably follow her lead. We don't know what may be special to her." I reply heading down the hall toward the den/office.
We spend the night sorting through Bella's son's filing cabinets pulling out files that look like they may be important for his office to have, as well as any paperwork that pertains to his estate. I have made four small stacks of papers I will need to make phone calls about tomorrow. I box all the other papers that seem to be simple record keeping. Only one file remains to be sorted through. I search the pen drawer of his desk for a key but do not find one. Regretfully I decide to break the simple lock. Three files lay in the bottom of the drawer. The top one is a very well organized financial portfolio listing all his holdings and all contacts names and numbers as well as verification information; this will be a great help to me tomorrow. Setting it on top of my to do pile I reach for the second file. Opening it I find social security cards for Edmund William VanBorg, Annica Ruth VanBorg, and Lenai Esmerelda Alice VanBorg. Under the cards lie four birth certificates, and one death certificate. Curious as to why there are four birth certificates I take a closer look. Annica, Lenai and Edmund's are all there. I picked up the fourth one feeling a little confused. Adam Michael Frazer. Glancing down further I notice that this Adam would be same age as Lenai's father. Taking out Edmund's birth certificate I compare them side by side.
"Alice?" I call.
"Yah" she says poking her head into the room.
"Do you know what this is?"
Alice walks over to the desk glancing over my shoulder. "Oh, I guess that's his original birth certificate." she answers lightly.
"What do you mean original birth certificate?" I ask beginning to think I am missing something very obvious.
"Bella adopted him when he was born. I guess when that happens they still make a birth certificate with the birth mom's information on it as well as making one for the adoptive parents." Alice turns back toward the door. "I'm going to go back to Lenai, she's not sleeping well and I want to be there if she wakes up."
Bella adopted him. Why did she not have her own children. I glare at the pieces of paper lying on the desk in front of me as if waiting for them to tell me their story. Looking back and forth between the two I notice one commonality. Both pieces of paper only state the name of one parent. Bella adopted him on her own, she chose to be a single parent. Questions flood my mind until they seem to have physical weight. If Lenai can handle it in the morning I am going to ask her to tell me her dad's story.
I place the folder on top of the others and reach for the final folder in the drawer. Lifting the flap I read the cover letter of Edmund and Annica's joint will. Underneath lies three thick life insurance policy packets. A feeling of relief washes over me knowing that Lenai's dad has taken steps to provide for her. I would never let any hardship fall on either Bella or Lenai, but knowing her dad loved her enough to take out not one but three life insurance policies to ensure her future makes me smile. I know from Lenai's thoughts that he was a kind man, it makes me happy to see he was a wise man as well.
Leaving the office I switch off the light and head down the short hallway. Quiet mumbling can be heard outside Lenai's bedroom door. I open the door slowly hoping the hinges will not squeak. Fortunately the door opens silently.
Alice turns to face me as I step in the room. "She's been mumbling all night. She'll toss and turn then settle down and start mumbling again. I think she's having nightmares." Alice says softly.
I close my eyes focusing on what Lenai is dreaming. Flashes of multi hued lights illuminate the scene, but there is nothing to see. Suddenly the face of her father appears, he is hooked to several life support machines but appears dead. Lenai lays on his chest screaming for him not to leave her. The scene changes. Lenai is a much younger child now wearing a cream colored winter dress, she is holding the hand of a young woman. Lenai smiles up into the face of the young woman showing where several teeth are missing. The woman reaches down and gently strokes Lenai's cheek, 'I love you sweetheart.' the woman whispers and they continue walking down the road. Once again the scene changes. Lenai is holding a pale emaciated hand, tears stream down her face soaking her shirt. The young woman lies deathly still, her skin sickly white. Bella walks in the room taking Lenai's hands away from the woman's. "You have to let her go Lenai." she whispers softly. Lenai and Bella turn to leave the room, the little girl never making a sound.
I open my eyes to look upon Lenai. Sorrow fills me at how much pain this young girl has had to face in her short life. She seems so strong on the surface but her thoughts yesterday have shown me how badly she is hurting. Even in her sleep she finds no rest. Lenai tosses in her bed screaming wildly. Alice's eyes widen but she does not move.
I race to the side of the bed and pick her up in my arms rocking her back and forth. "Shhh Lenai." I want to tell her it will be okay, but I can't. All I know is this is Bella's granddaughter, her only remaining family, and I want to offer her any comfort I possibly can.
"Edward?" Lenai asks unsure. I pull my face out of her hair inhaling deeply and offer her a small sad smile.
"You were having a nightmare." I say setting her beside me and releasing her.
Lenai leans her head against my shoulder. "Sorry," I can't even sleep without making them uncomfortable. Maybe I should ask them to return to Forks. I can finish this myself. I don't want them to think my problems are theirs. "Thanks."
She starts to stand but I stop her by placing my hand on her shoulder. "Lenai, we're not going anywhere. We are here with you because we want to be, not because we feel like we have to be." She turns to give me a doubtful look.
I try listening to her thoughts again, but her mind is focussed on another musical composition. It's strange how intently she focusses on such difficult works, and at such odd times. Letting go of her shoulder I look over to Alice. Alice's eyes are closed and she is clenching her fists tightly. She is obviously trying to view a vision, I have never seen her this focussed before. I wait with her trying to hear what she is thinking as Lenai leaves the room. Her thoughts are completely muddled. I can't tell if she is blocking me or if this blur is what she's seeing.
"Nothing! I can't make out anything. Why can I not see her!" Alice has opened her eyes now and has an expression of utmost aggravation. Her fists are still clenched tightly.
"Is something happening?" I ask quietly.
"I was pulled into a vision, but I could not make anything out. I know it had to be about Lenai because it started as soon as you touched her." She says. "Don't look at me like that Edward! I just have a feeling about it."
"Fine." I say a little frustrated. "Let's go help Lenai get things sorted out."
Very little is said between the three of us the entire day. We work in separate rooms Alice and I packing up only what we think is important. Lenai comes to double check every room we pack up making sure there's nothing left behind that she wants to take with her. Lenai only comes into the rooms I'm working in twice, staying very briefly. I try listening for her thoughts throughout the day to make sure she's holding up alright but find her thinking about new compositions everytime.
I place a carefully wrapped photo of Edmund and Annica in a box for the movers and look around the kitchen for anything that might have escaped my notice. Seeing nothing more I turn to leave the kitchen. Lenai is standing at the kitchen table her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach staring out the window. I close my eyes to focus better on her thoughts. The music still plays, her hands dance across the keys of a piano in a furious pace. This song is unknown to me. I wonder if it is something she has composed herself. I relax slightly and watch her mind work on the piece. A shadow of thought filters through the music, I focus harder to try to isolate it, but it quickly dissolves. Forcing my mind to relax again I return to simply watching Lenai play the piano with her mind. Once again a shadow of thought flies with the rhythm of the music; instead of focussing harder I relax my mind even further. I quit focusing on watching the movement of her hands and simply listen. "I'm ready to go now, Dad's not here anymore. This stuff isn't what I want. What I want isn't here. I've got to get out of here before break down again."
"Do you want to go somewhere else for a while Lenai? You've been working hard all day." I offer hoping she will take me up on it without being mad that I read her thoughts again.
Her arms fall to her sides as she stares at her shoes. "Yah, thanks."
"Alice," I say in a normal voice knowing she will hear me. "Lenai and I are going out for a little while."
"Okay, I'll see you when you get back. I think we are almost done with the house, but I don't know how long she's going to want to stay after we finish. Why don't you try to find out is she has any friends she want to say goodbye to before we go."
I open the door to the garage and follow Lenai over to the car opening her door for her. "But the sun is still up." she reminds me.
"It's okay, with the tinted windows it'll be fine." I shut her door and walk slowly around to the drivers' side. "It'll be dark soon anyway. If you don't mind we'll just drive around till after the sun sets then we can get you some food."
"I'm not very hungry." Lenai replies, looking out her window.
The drive through the city is surreal. I have not been to Chicago in over fifty years. A lot has changed since then. A high speed bullet train runs through the city on elevated rails connecting the sprawling metropolis. Any of the buildings that would have linked this city to the city of my youth have been torn down. The city has received a complete face lift in the last half a century. Very little graffiti can be found anywhere. High rise apartment buildings have sprung up everywhere. I can't help but feel that the city lost a lot of its character when they ripped out all the old tenements, brownstone townhouses, and red-brick buildings from the turn of the twentieth century.
"What are you thinking about? You look so sad." Lenai asks quietly never turning her gaze away from me as I answer.
"I was just remembering how this city looked when I lived here. It's sad to see history demolished for the sake of progress." I answer her.
"You lived here." I can't believe we actually have anything in common. "How long ago was it?" she asks excitedly.
"It's been a while." I pause "The last time I was here was in 2000. The city has changed completely since then. Of course it had changed quite a lot since I had lived here even then."
"You're avoiding my question." Lenai accuses lightly, with a small sweet smile.
I return her smile, I wonder how she will react.
"I was born here in 1901."
"Wow, is there anything left of the buildings from your time?" She asks astounded.
"Look around. My house would have stood right there. You could walk to the hospital in four minutes. You could walk across the entire city in less than an hour." realizing she could take this answer badly I add, "I don't think there is anything left standing."
"Except you." She adds. 'Another thing we have in common.'
She's right we do have more in common than she knows. "My parent's died when I was seventeen. The spanish influenza was ravaging the entire midwest. My dad died first. It hit fast, one day he was healthy the next he was coughing up blood. Mom became sick next but she seemed stronger than my father had been. She fought it for a while but when I came down with it she tried to help me. By the time we were taken to the hospital she had worked herself too hard. She died only hours before Carlisle changed me. When I woke up after the change I could remember things somewhat hazily. I asked about my mom and Carlisle told me of her death. I could not mourn her then, newborns don't think like humans at all. I wish I had been able to mourn them properly. My memories of them now are very shadowed."
"You must have loved them very much." Understanding fills Lenai's eyes as she looks at me now.
"I did. I can still picture my mother's face sometimes, but I question if my memory is really what she looked like or if I've made her up. Carlisle and Esme truly are my mom and dad now. Carlisle has treated me like a son since the very first day. I couldn't help but love Esme as a mom when she became part of the family." I like sharing my history with her. She does not ask uncomfortable questions; she just listens attentively. Silence fills the car again for a few minutes as we drive around waiting for sunset.
"Why have you stopped playing music?" I ask as I realize the beautiful melodies I have come to expect are no longer flowing through her mind.
"I'm sorry, what?" she asks.
"You're usually thinking of music. I like it."
A slight blush rises in her cheeks as she looks down at her lap. Her auburn hair falls forward covering my view of her face. Reaching out I gently tug her hair back hooking it behind her ear. I want to see her face when she speaks to me. I like to watch her expressions.
"I've been using it to block my thoughts from you." she admits shyly.
I pull over to the side of the road and stare at her stunned into silence. Thinking back to when she first started playing them music I realize that it started right after I had heard her thinking thoughts that I am sure she would be embarrassed by me knowing. I remember being amazed that she could still follow my and Alice's conversation while rehearsing such difficult music mentally. I had questioned how she could focus on such varied and complex combinations of instruments and compositions at the same time. Why had I not thought about the possibility that if she was gifted enough to manage such a challenge that she would be gifted enough to block my talent.
"You are definitely interesting Lenai VanBorg." I say pulling my senses back together enough to speak. "No human has ever successfully blocked me."
"I'm sure that's not true. Gran told me that you have never been able to hear her thoughts." she counters my claim.
"She's right, but that's different. I was never able to hear her thoughts, but she was never trying to block me either. My inability to read her thoughts is a fluke. I have never met any human who was able to purposefully block my ability." I reply
"Yes, but how many humans have you met who knew you could read their minds? I bet there have been very few who knew they should be trying."
I have to admit she does have a point, however I do have well over a hundred years of experience knowing the minds of humans. No one has ever shown thoughts as complex as what she has been doing to block me. "Most vampires who do know of my ability still can not block it. It took my family decades to learn the skill and even now they are not perfect at it."
"Hmm." 'I still think others could do it too. I'm nothing special.'
I decide to let the argument go. Night has fallen and there is a nice little italian restaurant on the corner.
"Let's get you some dinner, then we'll head back to the house." I say.
The restaurant is a small family operated place. Quaint cloth red and white checkered tablecloths cover the tables with old fashioned wax candles stuck into the necks of vintage wine bottles burning in the center of each. Black and white pictures of old Chicago hang around the dining area. Many of the pictures depict buildings long ago demolished. I feel like I have stepped back in time. Looking around the room at the various pictures dating back to the 'roaring twenties' brings a smile to my face. One picture dated 1924 catches my attention. It is obviously a reprint but the scene depicted in the photo is what draws me toward it. Taking Lenai's hand I lead her over to the frame.
"That's my Chicago." I say simply letting go of her hand. She stands gawking at the photo. The waitress clears her throat to get our attention, and signals for us to follow her to our table.
As Lenai finishes eating and pushes he plate away slightly I decide to ask what I have been longing to know. "Lenai, can you tell me about Bella? Has she been happy?"
Lenai talks for over an hour telling me everything she knows about her grandmother. It seems that Bella has lived a full life but the fact that she apparently never loved another man causes me pain. I knew what I was doing when I left. I never expected to feel love again, but I had wanted her to. I wanted her to fall in love with a man who could give her everything I was unable to give. In the end she ended up giving herself everything I had wanted for her, but closing off her heart.
The drive back to Lenai's house is silent. Lenai is not trying to block her thoughts from me now, but I try to occupy my mind with other things. Her thoughts refuse to fade into the background. I end up watching her memories as she once again thinks of her parents. She pictures Bella and what she may be doing right now. I smile at the pictures Lenai creates of Bella's daily routines.
I laugh as Lenai remembers a recent minor catastrophe with Bella in the kitchen. "Silly Bella." I say aloud before thinking about the fact that Lenai will know I was reading her thoughts. "Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I was trying to not pay attention."
She smiles over at me, "It's okay, I wanted to show them to you. You don't remember your family well. I thought I would share mine." Tears shine in her eyes as she turns back toward the window.
Alice is waiting for us in the living room reading a book on architecture when we walk in the door.
"Did you have a nice drive?" She asks. 'Is she okay?'
"Yes." we both answer at the same time.
Alice's face lights up with a huge smile. "Good."
"I'm going to go to bed. Do you think we can take care of the movers tomorrow, I'm ready to go now." Lenai asks from the entryway.
"Sure, the movers said they would be here at nine. We can head home tomorrow night if you'd like."
Alice replies.
"That would be nice. I miss Gran." She says as she turns to walk down the hallway.
Around midnight I hear quiet talking coming from Lenai's room. I tap lightly on the door before
opening it and walking in. Lenai is laying on her side with the blankets kicked off onto the floor.
Lenai is standing in the cemetery looking down at her parents graves holding two long stem white roses. 'Bye Mom, bye Dad. I love you. I've got to go now, but I'll come back again. I miss you.' Setting the roses down between the two headstones she turns and walks slowly away.
I shut the door behind me and turn to see Alice staring at me from down the hall. "She's ready to go, she's said her farewells." I tell her.
I follow Alice to the living room where we sit and read waiting for morning to come.