AN: Aisling pronounced (Ash- lin) is of Gaelic origin meaning - to dream
Also... shameless self story promoting here – I am starting a new AH/AU story called Casa Amigos (House of Friends), you can check out from my homepage. This story is becoming difficult to write so I needed a story I can skip to when I just can't write a sentence more on this one. Nope not taking time away from this story, just providing myself with an option for a mental break. I will be writing both at the same time. I hope you check it out. It is very different from what I have written previously.
EPOV
"Oh God, Oh god, Oh god..."
"I can't believe I wasn't going to try. I would have just let her die."
"Uh, the blood, oh Bella. It'll be okay, you'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you."
"Is she alright? Did Carlisle change her?"
I glance between Bella and Lenai nearly torn in two by the pain of choosing who to help, while the cacophony of thoughts assault me from every side. Would they all just shut up so I can think! Scott is holding Bella tenderly in his arms looking down at her with eyes radiating love. He'll take care of her, there is nothing I can do for her now.
He pulls her tighter to his chest holding her closely, "I have to feel her soft skin against my own, feel her weak pulse against my chest so I know her heart still pumps. I need to feel her faint breath upon my cheek as I cradle her close to me so I know she's still with me.". A possessive rage burns in my chest, I wish I could yell out, attack, do anything to stop his thoughts. No Bella is mine, she will always be mine. I try reasoning with myself that she has moved on, that we could never be together she has grown beyond me. I'll never be enough of a man for her, forever frozen as a child in her eyes.
I turn back to the car listening to the heartbreaking fearful whimpers from Lenai and once again am struck by a powerful possessive protective instinct. "Vampires, biting Gran, the blood, moaning, oh God Granny." Lenai continues rocking herself back and forth with her arms wrapped around her knees her face buried between her knees and her chest. I have to make my choice. I gave Bella away so long ago, I ruined the chance I had for love with her, wasted it so foolishly, but what am I going to do now.
"What I wouldn't have done to hold her in my arms as I do now. What I wouldn't trade now to be holding her under different circumstances, to have her gaze lovingly into my eyes and know she is safe." Scott loves Bella, he would be good for her. She would not have been hurt if I had only listened to him before; he was trying to protect her the whole time.
"Edward, Oh God, his eyes, God." Lenai's thoughts call out to me hauntingly.No, Scott will take care of Bella, Lenai needs me. I love her; I won't make the same mistake again. My love needs me.
"I will wait till no star remains shining in the heavens for her. I will be her friend and her confidant for every remaining day of eternity, I will always hold out hope that some day she will learn to love me as I love her." Scott's thoughts solidify my decision, yes he will take care of Bella.
I'm so sorry Bella. If only I had been watching you. Memories of the promise I made in the woods months ago echo in my mind. "Look after Lenai.","I promise.", "She's lost so much already. Don't hurt her." Till the day I cease to exist, I promise. I will never hurt her.
"Edward, are you okay with Lenai?" Carlisle asks.
Yes, I am definitely okay with Lenai. I nod in agreement, and turn toward the car, opening the door.
The cool night air must have startled Lenai because she cringes away from the open door. "Lenai, it's me. It's okay, Bella is going to be fine." I stretch out my hand to gently pull the hair away that has fallen down onto her face and is now plastered to her cheeks with tears. Her whole body shakes and cringes away from me as I reach toward her. My heart aches at her fear of my touch.
"Edward, Edward, Edward." Oh Lenai. I gently lift her from the seat holding her close to my chest kissing her brow and hair. Heart shattering memories flow through her mind, showing me exactly what she thinks of us. We are monsters. She never made the full connection between the word vampire and what we truly are until tonight. I stare at myself through her thoughts, The mangled steering wheel clutched between my deadly hands, the skin pulled taught over my knuckles, my tendons standing out against the smooth skin. The tension of muscle lining my neck, my teeth bared in a terrifying growl, my eyes blackened with nearly uncontrollable thirst as the aroma of Bella's blood filled the car. I fought my instinct with every ounce of strength I had. It had taken every remaining miniscule piece of humanity in me not to attack at that moment. The red eyed monster in me screaming for fulfillment, demanding obedience, urging me to disregard propriety, decency, and love. For one moment I had almost lost control, for a brief second I had almost given in, then I had glimpsed her face. So full of fear, yet her through her eyes I could still see her love for me. Her love had held me steadfast, she had pulled me through the worst moment of temptation I have ever faced, and now she fears me. She knows me for who I am, she has seen the beast in me.
"I love you." I whisper in her ear. Had not my tear ducts been left barren for over a century tears would have been streaming down my face without hope of ceasing. She will leave me now. There is no questioning the truth of that. Such an amazing person, truly an angel only here to grace mankind with her perfect presence, she could never love such a demon as seen in me tonight. Never before have I hated my cursed existence so fervently. It would be better for me to have died of the Spanish influenza than to loose her love now. My heart will not survive.
"Edward?" Lenai asks in the faintest of whispers, her face showing fear and pain. I search for her thoughts to find them masked under the blanket of a symphony. For once I do not stop to enjoy her composition, my heart can find no joy in music knowing these may be my last moments with her.
"My love." I answer trying to hide my sorrow. Her eyes lift to mine for the first time since Bella was bit. "Your gran is going to be okay. She's breathing well and her heart is sound." A spark of awareness lights her eyes, her face contorting into a grimace as she internally battles with some difficult thought. If only she would open her mind to me. Not knowing her thoughts cuts me deeply. My brow creases in frustration and worry as I look upon her wishing somehow I could ease her fear. Pain fills her eyes.
"Edward." She whispers again touching my cheek lightly with her fingers. I lean into her touch wishing to freeze this moment forever. My skin burns with her touch lighting my cold heart with flames of passion. "It's okay Edward. I'm okay." She wraps both arms around my neck pulling herself closer to my body. Her hot breath caressing my neck momentarily. "I love you."
With her simple words my world is set right again. Bella will be okay, her transformation is progressing well I could hear that in her solid heart beat and steady breathing as Scott held her in his arms before leaving. Beyond belief, Lenai still loves me, knowing truly and fully what I am she still wants me. She isn't going to run from me. Joy fills me lighting my eyes and broadening my smile as I caress Lenai's hair reveling in the feel of her breath against my skin as she holds me tightly.
Lenai pulls away slightly to look at me, a strange playful twinkle in her eye I have never seen before. Raising an eyebrow curiously at her I search for her thoughts once again. Her mind is still firmly blocked not even a shadow of her thoughts left visible. The music she uses to block her thoughts has taken an interesting change in tone, sounding sultry and dark yet excited. Amused I exhale deeply having not noticed I was holding my breath. Lenai leans back in tucking her small face into the crook between my shoulder and jaw. I gasp and stiffen not believing what I am feeling. Her lips part on my skin suckling lightly for a brief second before grazing her teeth against the impenetrable marble of my neck. Violent shivers pass through my entire body as urges I have never fought before battle for control of my actions. Whaaaa huuu. Breathe Edward. Closing my eyes and forcing myself to calm down I reach for Lenai's arms gently untangling them from around my neck. Our eyes meet once again hers shining with confusion and rejection, mine I'm sure glowing with the unbridled lust raging through my body. Space, I need space. I gently set her on her feet keeping her hand in mine.
"That little vixen." Rose laughs to herself enjoying my discomfort. "Look what she's doing to him, I've never seen Edward have to battle so hard for control." Thanks Rose for pointing that out, glad I could entertain you.
Lenai hangs her head staring at her sneakers as I turn us toward Emmett and Rose waiting by the convertible. "Sorry." she whispers her voice tainted with shame, I can smell the rush of blood causing her cheeks to blush and the saltiness of the tears she is trying hard to whithold.
No, I can't let her think she has done something wrong. Turning my body to face hers I place my hands on either side of her face lovingly, lifting it so she looks me in the eyes. "Don't be sorry." I plead. "You did nothing wrong. I was just surprised."
Tears spill forth from the corners of her eyes tearing at my heart, how easily she is hurt. I stare as her lips form a small pout quivering, calling to me. Moments ago I was sure I would never be allowed to see her again. I was so sure of her rejection and here she is thinking I am rejecting her. No this won't do. My cheek lifts in amusement as I think of ways to rectify this situation, however seeing as we have company standing not twenty feet away I settle for a simple kiss. Leaning in I place my lips on Lenai's. Heaven could not be this good. Lenai's lips so soft and warm under my own move in harmony with mine parting ever so slightly. Her tongue just hidden inside her parted lips. Teasing me.
"HuHumm" "Let her breathe Eddie!" Emmett very rudely interupts us.
Lenai is breathless as I pull away with a final chaste peck on her cheek. "You did nothing wrong my love." I reiterate. "I do want to talk to you about that later though." I finish with a playful wink hoping she will not continue to worry.
"Did you get ahold of Alice?" I ask Rose blatantly ignoring Emmett who is happily berating me with his lewd thoughts.
"Yes, I did." Rosalie answers her face shining in her amusement. "They'll be here in a couple of minutes. Alice had seen what was happening. They were already on their way back when I called."
"So we need to wait for them to find us?" Lenai asks. Her face suddenly lit up from the head beams of an approaching vehicle. Emmett's jeep pulls to a stop in front of us. Alice waves from behind the steering wheel.
Alice opens the door jumping out and walking briskly over to Lenai. "You okay?" She asks wrapping Lenai in a gentle embrace. "She saw it all happen didn't she? How's she handling it all?" I answer with a small nod and a shrug of my shoulders. I don't know what to make of Lenai's reactions. I don't know if she is in shock, or if she was and now she has dealt with it. I wish she would open her mind to me so I could understand what she is thinking. Her kiss showed me she still loves me, but is she still afraid?
"Yah, I'm okay." Lenai answers Alice pulling slightly out of Alice's arms. "It was just really scary. I guess I never actually thought about what would happen." Lenai pauses biting her bottom lip, an action that reminds me instantly of Bella from so long ago. "You're really vampires." she adds quietly obviously embarrassed to be admitting her thoughts.
Emmett's booming laugh echos through the field hiding the roar of his Jeep's engine. "Yah, we're really vampires. God Lenai you kill me."
The crimson blush exploding on Lenai's cheeks shines in the moonlight showing the embarrassment her words refuse to acknowledge as she quips with Emmett. "No Emmett, actually, isn't that your job? I'm just the weak little human." she pauses her face lighting up in a strange way as if she just realized something. "I could be your snack."
"I think she's just fine." Alice assures me. I'm not so sure, Lenai has never acted like this. Her manic swing between rocking and incoherent thought to lighthearted and daring is disconcerting.
"Climb in the back," Alice directs as she walks back over to the Jeep hopping up into the elevated seat. "I thought the Jeep might be helpful."
I look to Emmett and Rose knowing we will not all fit in the vehicle. "We'll follow the Jeep. Go ahead, Lenai needs to get to Bella." Rosalie answers.
"Yah, I don't think the squirt could keep up." Emmett adds receiving a smack to the back of the head for his insights. "Besides, the way you're behaving she may not make it to the house if you have to cary her."
A low growl rumbles from my throat. A warning to Emmett, if he's smart he'll take the hint. I gently lift Lenai up into the jeep easily climbing in behind her. Jasper sits up front with Alice. Lenai scoots toward the center of the seat making more room for me. The jeep's back seat is only made for two passengers definitely a tight fit with Esme already on the seat. "Edward, I can follow the jeep. Let Lenai sit here." Esme offers sweetly. I can't make my mother run behind the car, but I'm not willing to be apart from Lenai right now either not until I know she is truly okay with what is happening and what she's seen tonight.
"Thank you Esme, that is very kind, but it's not necessary." I answer verbally stopping her as she reaches for the door handle.
Lenai smiles at me realizing where she is going to be sitting. I open my arms wrapping them around her waist as she sits on my lap. Alice wastes no time taking off toward the ranch house. Lenai giggles a little bouncing on my lap as Alice hits a large rock purposefully. "Oops, sorry Edward." Alice teases.
"Alice." I warn quietly. "I think you can miss the big ones."
"It's so nice to see Edward happy again, and Lenai is such a sweet girl. I never thought I would see him like this again. We've been so blessed." Esme thinks looking over at us reaching out to place her hand lovingly on top of Lenai's. "Bella's change is going well?" she asks aloud.
"Yes." I answer, remembering how unsure we were what her outcome would be less than an hour ago. "She was very badly injured; Carlisle wasn't sure the venom would work fast enough. Her breathing was so labored" I explain exhaling and shaking my head at the memory of watching Bella struggling for breath. "Within minutes her body had begun to heal."
"We'll be there in a couple of minutes." Alice announces turning the jeep unexpectedly to the right off the narrow path we had been following. "Short cut, trust me." "Carlisle will be waiting for us on the porch, he wants a family meeting."
Lenai lies her head on my shoulder as her perfect mouth opens widely yawning. "Am I part of the family?" She asks sleepily sounding like a little girl.
"Yes my love you are." I answer kissing her closing eyes. You are more a part of this family now than ever before. Each of us would readily sacrifice our own lives for you my dear. I stare at her peaceful face as she drifts off to slumber. The musical barrier of her mind dissolving as sleep overtakes her, a silent blackness taking its place. "But you can miss this meeting." I finish in a whisper.
Alice pulls into the gravel drive in front of the large log cabin. Lights burn from every window spilling out onto the patio casting Carlisle's silhouette into the darkness. The engine shuts off as Emmett and Rosalie bound onto the porch. "How is Bella doing?" Rose asks as soon as her foot hits the top stair.
"She's doing well. Scott has made her as comfortable as possible; he's at her side now." Carlisle answers with a note of satisfaction in his voice. He is very good for her son.
A small tinge of jealousy rears its ugly head in my heart once again. I lift Lenai in my arms and jump down out of the jeep as smoothly as possible trying not to wake the sleeping angel in my arms. I must let go of my claim on Bella completely. Knowing Bella was there even if she could never be mine again has been such a comfort to me; knowing another is ready to step into the space I left vacant causes pain I did not expect to feel. Lenai has mended the wound I suffered from for decades; I know Bella must have suffered a similar wound that she has never allowed anyone to heal. I need to release her so she can find her own healing; so she can be complete once again. She released me months ago even hinting towards the source of my salvation, her own granddaughter. If she can do that for me surely I can release her into the care of the man who saved her life.
"Edward?" Lenai's sleepy voice asks. "Are we there?" I look to Carlisle moving my head to indicate the door behind which Bella lays in the midst of her change. I know seeing her grandmother in pain will be difficult, but I think Lenai needs to see that Bella is healing and that all will be well. He nods his head almost imperceptibly understanding lighting his eyes.
"Yes we are. Bella is just inside. Would you like to go see her?" I ask setting her gently on her feet and taking her tiny hand in my own. Her eyes travel slowly up to mine as a small scared smile graces her lips. "I'll come with you my love."
"Put it out." Bella groans from the other side of heavy bedroom door. Lenai's small hand grabs mine tighter as her breath catches in her throat. Turning the door nob I lead us through the door shutting it silently behind us. A room of opulence that drastically contradicts the spartan male furnishing of the rest of the house surrounds us. Bella lies on a high delicately crafted wrought iron king sized canopy bed. Pillows of dark blue, silver, and grey surround her head, a thick coverlet of blue cashmere covers her restless body. Scott lies at her side gently stroking her hair and face fully concentrated on her features, not even aware of us having entered the room.
Lenai cries out quietly as Bella tosses spasmodically before settling down once again. Scott turns to face us acknowledging our presence but quickly turns back to Bella. I lead Lenai over beside the bed so she can see Bella better, so she can hold her hand if only to comfort herself. Lenai rests her small hand on Bella's as two small tears streak down her face. "I love you Gran. I'm sorry, I didn't want you to hurt. I'm sorry." She sniffles once wiping at the tears on her cheeks with her free hand. "I just couldn't let you die Gran; I couldn't loose you too."
Scott moves his hand from Bella's face for a brief moment placing it on Lenai's. "She wouldn't have wanted you to loose her either Lenai. She would have chosen this herself to stay by your side. She would've asked for this herself if she could have. Don't feel bad. Please." He speaks quietly his eyes moving between Lenai and Bella the entire time.
Lenai pulls her hand away from his turning to bury her face in my chest, her small arms wrapping tightly around my waist. "Thank you." I whisper too softly for Lenai to hear. It would not be right for Lenai to blame herself for Bella's pain. Once again I lament my choices knowing if I had been watching her as she slept she would not be in pain at all right now. "How is she doing?" I ask once again too quietly for Lenai to hear.
"She's doing well. Honestly she is handling this better than anyone I've seen during a change. Her lungs sound completely healed, her heart is steady but it is already slowing dramatically. Her body temperature has dropped significantly, and her strength is increasing. She threw my hands off her only minutes ago." He answers looking proudly down at Bella.
"But it's been less than two hours since she was bit!" I respond in disbelief forgetting to keep my voice guarded.
Lenai pulls her head away from my chest to look at me with frightened eyes. "What's wrong? What's happening to Gran?" She asks in a timid voice looking fearfully toward Bella. Bella jerks violently flinging her arm toward Scott inadvertently throwing his hand away from her face and hitting him forcefully in the chest. "Gran!" Lenai screams trying to pull out of my grasp to go to her.
"No Lenai. If she hit you like that you would be seriously injured." I demand holding her tightly in my arms; I refuse to allow her closer to Bella than she already is. I can't believe Bella's change is progressing so quickly this type of strength is not normally seen until the middle to end of the second day.
Scott responds quickly pinning Bella's arms to her sides lest she hurt herself. At this point her strength is greater than her still mostly human body can handle, she could easily break her own arm by hitting the wall, a bed post, or Scott. "Let me go!" Bella screams causing Lenai to break down crying furiously into my chest. "Put it out! Someone put it out!"
"She's still conscious?" I ask disbelievingly, neither Rose nor Emmett were conscious during the early stages of their change.
"No, she's dreaming. I'm trying to calm her as much as possible from within her dream but she is fighting me. I can't focus fully with you here, and she is starting to become frantic. She believes she is being burnt, she can see the flames licking at her skin. She tries to run from the fire and becomes very frightened when she can't escape it. She calms slightly when I can speak to her in her dream, but I need to be alone to do that." he answers almost crossly.
I can understand his frustration. He is trying to help sooth Bella in the only way he can. Honestly in a way no one else could, none of the rest of us could help Bella during her change. Here I stand questioning him and interrupting his care of Bella with my own concerns. "I'll make sure you're left alone, so you can help her through." I answer quietly leading Lenai still crying uncontrollably out of the room. Shutting the door behind us I pull her tightly into my arms letting her cry till her tears have run dry.
Knowing I can not postpone any longer I gently lift Lenai's into my arms carrying her into the living room where the rest of the family waits for us to discuss what is to come. I sit on the empty dark brown leather love seat sinking deeply while holding Lenai on my lap still trying to comfort her silent sobbing. Seeing Bella in pain and hearing what she is going through has upset her deeply.
"Hey Jasper?" I look down to Lenai whose shoulders are still heaving up and down with her suppressed sobbing.
"Yah, no problem." Jasper answers. Strong waves of peace flow around the room immediately easing Lenai's tension and fears. She lies her head against my chest as her slightly elevated heart rate returns to normal, and her muscles relax.
"Thanks, Jazz." Lenai sighs.
"There are some things we need to speak about." Carlisle announces from his chair by the huge stone fireplace. "Scott and I had a few minutes to speak about what is going on while we were waiting for you to arrive, and honestly what he had to say was very concerning. Apparently the Volturi have been following our movements for the last five years as you already know, however since we have moved back to Forks they have been watching us even more intently. What concerns me greatly is who has been watching and whom they have watched. As Scott told us before, the Volturi feel threatened by our way of life and feel we are trying to remove ourselves from their governance. This is something I have been expecting. What I did not expect is how they would come against us. The Volturi have been recruiting for the last decade preparing to confront all who have chosen to live as we have."
"Let them come." Emmett snarls cracking his knuckles with an impish grin. They won't try it twice.
Carlisle smiles but shakes his head. "It's not that simple Emmett. Scott told me of some of the new recruits; their gifts are incredibly effective. Ajani for example is one of their new recruits. He is able to attack through one's unconscious thoughts."
Rose makes an irritated sound rolling her eyes as she looks around the room. "Why is that so concerning, we don't sleep. We don't loose our consciousness."
"That's true Rose," Carlisle answers taking her statement as an honest question. "But Bella did, and Lenai does. We are not the only members of this family. We came very close to loosing Bella tonight because of Ajani's attack. He was able to crush her ribs, puncture her lung and bruise her heart in a matter of seconds using nothing but his will." He pauses looking directly at Lenai. "Our family would be devastated by such a loss." Once again he pauses looking at each of us in turn letting the full weight of his statement take hold. "Ajani is not the only member of the guard that has been watching us. Scott has told me of another assigned to our case. Aisling can with one touch render even us unconscious."
"Holy Shitzu!" Emmett exclaims loudly his jaw nearly hitting the floor. "Talk about the kiss of death. She puts you to sleep and he sweeps in and tears you limb from limb without even touching you. How the hell are we supposed to fight that!"
"Is an offense possible against such a power?" Jasper asks. His mind racing through different battle field scenarios trying to find one that might give us the advantage. Frustration flooding the room as he struggles to find a solution. He curses mentally as each possible attack plays out badly.
"She's been watching us?" Alice asks in a near whisper. Various visions from the past few months fly through her mind as she checks for any sign of Aisling, coming up with nothing. "Why can't I see her? Why did I not know about her?" Alice continues searching into each vision carefully without success.
"They've not only been watching us." Carlisle answers. "We are no longer their only assignment. They have been ordered to recruit both Bella and Lenai. Aro sent out a scout a little over a month ago, he believes they both, when changed, will have very useful gifts. They have also been instructed to escort Edward, Alice, and Jasper back to Italy if possible."
"How do we know all of this is true." Rosalie asks with suspicion.
"Scott has been meeting with them regularly from the beginning. That is why he has, till now kept his distance. He will not be able to offer us anymore information. His disloyalty has been discovered tonight. He believes we are being watched even now." Carlisle answers his tone grave.
Silence fills the room as we recognize the threat in what we have just learned. In a matter of seconds it would be possible to render our entire family defenseless. "You said she does this with her touch. Can she be touched at all?" I ask fearing the answer written in Carlisle's expression.
"No. We have no way of attacking or defending against her. As far as Scott understands her gift is also a daunting curse, any touch releases her power, she has no control of it. Clearly Aisling and Ajani are a deadly combination."
"What do we do? What options do we have?" Esme asks gazing lovingly at each of us. "I won't loose any of them, I couldn't bear to go on." She resolves silently, looking to Carlisle to lead us, all of us to safety.
"For now, we wait." Carlisle answers. "We can do nothing until Bella's transformation is complete." His gaze travels to Lenai who has remained silent through this entire conversation. "Which raises another complication. Lenai will need to leave before Bella's change ends."
AN: Yummy chocolate trick or treat candy for those who review. Oh and of course a sneak peak for you and a huge cheesey smile for me.