Fire is catching

Chapter 29

Authors Note: In order to thank you for your amazing continued support I decided to upload another chapter for you already, kind of as a New Year's Eve gift. So I decided to make this chapter a really happy, cute and bubbly one…haha…just kidding…as if I could ever do that….

Anyway, I wish you guys a HAPPYY NEW YEAR and hope that you'll enjoy this chapter

And there she lies, completely still, like a thrown away toy. Small streams of blood running down Wendy's cheeks, her pretty face distorted by the same knife that stole her life.

The sound of her canon snaps me out of the state of shock I was in and I remember her last words: "RUN LUCY,RUN!" Without really being in control of my own body I turn around and start running, leaving the scene behind me. I don't look back to check whether he is following me, I don't watch where I'm going or pay attention to anything really. All I see is Gajeel stabbing Wendy, the life leaving her fragile body, blood soaking her dress, her falling onto the ground and laying there, motionless. Over and over again. Then I see Lisanna, the knife that was meant to hit me stuck in her back, her blood on my hands. Next Millianna appears in front of my inner eye, her body covered in bruises that I inflicted. And then Wendy dies again. And again. And again, an endless repetition. It's my fault, it's my god damn fault. I dragged her out to collect food although she didn't want to, I let her go away on her own, I didn't do anything to help her. I should've tried to save her. It's highly probable that it would've killed me but at least I would've died trying to help her, we would've died together as allies, helping each other, like friends do. I would've been there for her, but I wasn't. She died completely alone, trying to save somebody that doesn't deserve to be saved. She lay down her life for me, she died in order for me to live. And I let her die, ran away like a coward trying to save my own skin. I'm a horrible person, I don't deserve this life, why am I alive and she isn't? That's not fair, it's not fair. My legs give away, unwilling to carry me any longer and I see myself falling down face first, my head hitting the floor, but I don't feel it. The pain in my chest that makes it hard to breathe overwrites everything. It's the weight of guilt laying on my lungs, making it feel as if I'm being sucked into the deep black void where my heart is supposed to be.

I lay there on the floor drowning in pictures of Wendy, smiling, crying, screaming, happy, sad, alive, dying, dead, dead, dead, dead, DEAD. She's dead, she really is. Because of me.

I start crying, hot tears streaming down my cheek, my chest moving with every sob, making my entire body hurt. The pain feels good, like a fraction of the punishment I deserve although it makes me feel alive at the same time which is something I don't deserve which again is the punishment I need.

If I had been by my senses, I would've wondered why Gajeel hadn't followed me, it's not like I ran that fast. In the state I'm in it would be easy for him to kill me, so why didn't he?

But I was too preoccupied with bathing in the pain of being alive. Seeing Wendy's crumpled body on the floor, like a thrown away worthless toy makes me sick to the stomach. She deserves a golden coffin, a bed of flowers, a big ceremony, a graceful way to be remembered. And that's when I get it, it's the last thing I can do for her. I couldn't save her, but I can at least make others remember her. I don't want Wendy to be just another image flashing up in the sky, another body carried away by the hovercraft, she's special, everybody should remember her and the heroic way she died.

I need to see her, one more time, before she's carried away.

Getting up takes all my willpower, it's like I'm pressing against a huge weight on my shoulders pushing me down, pressing me to the dirty ground where I belong, but after some time I finally manage to get on my shaky legs and take off into the direction of the clearing. The probability that Gajeel is still around is really high but I couldn't care less. If he kills me now, so be it. I just want to see Wendy again and pay her my last respect, I owe this to her.

After a time that feels like an infinity I arrive at the clearing, through my teary eyed vision I see that her body's still laying on the floor, I'm not too late and Gajeel doesn't seem to be around either. I stagger towards her and a surprised gasp escapes my mouth. Instead of finding her body crouched on the dirty floor, she's been laid down carefully, her hands holding a bouquet of red, orange and yellow flowers. I know that they're called 'dragon blossom' because of their pointy scale-like petals and their fiery colors. Wendy's surrounded by a bed of those beautiful flowers, making it look as if she's bathed in heavenly fire, burning bright just like the flame in her heart. Her eyes have been closed and her face cleaned, no blood on her cheek, it almost looks as if she's just sleeping. A calm, peaceful, eternal sleep.

I break down next to her and caress her carefully arranged hair. Who on earth did this? Who would be kind enough? I touch the dragon flowers around her, twist their petals in my hands to make sure that they're real, that I'm not hallucinating this whole thing. But they are indeed real. Their petals are warm under my touch, they radiate heat as if they hold a fraction of the fire of the animal they've been named after. I sigh, still being confused by this unfathomable situation and let my gaze wander as my eyes suddenly spot something odd.

Some letters have been written into the dirt next to her body, quickly I stand up and take a few steps back in order to be able to read them. In a messy handwriting it says: "It's not your fault, forgive yourself. We can't live if we don't keep running forward so please, run."

It's like the words are spoken directly to me, hitting me right in my heart. They're so deep that I stumble back a few steps, breathing heavily. Just as I'm about to calm down, I notice the trickles of blood on the dirty ground. Neither I nor Wendy have stood at this point of the clearing, so it's not our blood, although it seems to be quite fresh. There are other signs that a fight has been taking place here not a long time ago, maybe between Gajeel and...who would be stupid enough to fight him? Maybe the tribute that kindly arranged this grave for Wendy, I hope this person is all right? It doesn't seem as if too much blood has been lost though. A small track of the red liquid goes from the battle place to the undergrowth surrounding the clearing, leading towards the cornucopia, towards the career's camp and around that area of the clearing some leaves are burned off, fire? I don't get it, this whole scene is so unreal…

I get back to Wendy and kneel down next to her. Even if she looks a lot better than before I still can't wrap my mind around what happened. She's dead. I hold her cold hand, sobs escaping my mouth, making my body tremble. With all my might I pray for her to open her eyes, to get up and smile, but she doesn't. Although the message in the dirt says otherwise, I know that it is my fault and being next to her only makes it worse. I can see what I did right there, what I failed to protect.

"Wendy…" I say, sobs swallowing my words, "I'm so sorry. I wanted to save you but I couldn't. I'm so sorry". Then I simply let it go, all the pain, all the tears, I sob, I scream, I cry, my body shaking while hers isn't moving at all. I don't know how much time passes, it has lost its meaning to me. At some point I pass out, because being unconscious is just so much easier, even the worst nightmare is still better than my reality.

I don't think about the mysterious person that honored Wendy, don't think about who it could be although I feel like I know but I don't at the same time. I don't think about what happened to Gajeel. All I think about is her, tiny little Wendy and how she's murdered again and again in front of my inner eye.

I wake up to my own scream, I must've been doing this for a long time now because my throat is sore and my tongue feels like sand paper. With great horror I see that they took Wendy's body away and the beautiful flowers have already begun to wither. How long have I been sleeping? And why do I even care, what does it matter in the end?

Maybe it would be smart to stand up but I don't know why I should. It's not like there's anything I can do now that she's gone, I don't have anything left to treasure.

So I spend the day zooming in and out of reality, caught between painful flashbacks and the burning sun. I lay there, open for everybody to make use of my vulnerability, but nobody does, I'm not even worthy of being killed. I can hear my stomach growling and my throat aching for water, but I don't allow myself to drink or eat. Why should I? It's all over anyway it's not like I…my thoughts are cut off by Gajeel stabbing Wendy in the heart, the blood staining her dress while I just stand there and watch. And promptly, reality fades again and I'm trapped in my unstable mind, locked up in the cage of my memories. I remind myself of my father after my mother died, he used to stay in his office all day, staring out of the window without seeing anything, gone from this world. I know it used to scare me and I hated that phase but now I understand him. I wonder if he thinks about this time too when he sees me on his TV like this. I don't care.

I'm kind of lucky that I'm not in a part of the arena that is blessed with poisonous rain because otherwise the acid would've burned off my skin without me making a single move.

The sound of another canon makes me bolt upright, my eyes widened in fear. "Wendy? WENDY!" I scream in panic, jumping up, running in circles before dropping to the floor again. I'm starting to lose it, my damaged mind can't take it anymore, I'm starting to get insane. And still, I don't care.

Something inside my pocket presses against my leg and I automatically grab it, to see what it is. My blood freezes inside my veins: my roll of magic coins!

My keys, my celestial spirits, why the hell didn't I use them to protect Wendy? I could've summoned some of my spirits, placed them around the clearing and tried to save Wendy. It would've used up all my coins but who the hell cares? We would've had a chance, maybe she would still be alive. If it wasn't for my stupidity she would still be here, smiling her heartwarming smile.

Although I tried so hard I couldn't make one clear thought when she was in danger so instead of protecting her with my magic I just stood there and watched. I know she would've used her dragon slayer powers to protect me at any cost and yet, I didn't. I left her unprotected without doing anything and my only excuse is that I didn't god damn think about it! "Excuse me officer I didn't use the fire extinguisher I was holding in my hand to save my burning friend because I didn't think of using it" What kind of excuse is this? I had the solution in my pocket and I was just too stupid, I can't believe it.

My head starts spinning due to my extreme hyperventilation. The only thing that made it possible for me to breathe up to know was the thought that I couldn't really have done anything. It was me against two experienced killers. But now, I can't hide behind that lie anymore. I could've done something. I could've done a great deal and maybe it would have saved her.

I start clawing at my own skin, my hands ripping off strands of my hair without me even noticing it. My eyes are wide open, popping out of my head as I fall into an endless darkness and fall, fall, fall…keep falling into the black void that is me now.

I see Wendy's dead body, her cold eyes haunting me. The once beautiful flowers around her have turned into real fire that is melting off her skin and I just sit next to her, my beloved golden keys in my hand and don't make a single move, just watch her lighting up in front of me. The message: "It's all your fault, you can never forgive yourself. You can't keep running from your sins, so please give up" scribbled into the dirt. Suddenly a gigantic burning creature towers over me, red scales covering its huge body. A terrifying growl escapes its mouth. "No please! It wasn't my fault, I swear" I scream, clinging to my life like the coward I am. Nevertheless, the creature keeps approaching me, his claws flashing up...

Just as quickly as it came the daydream leaves me and I get back to reality, not being sure whether I really want to. I can now feel the cold, once pleasant feeling of my keys against my skin, mocking me even more.

And I know that I'll never be able to live wih myself.

Authors Note: Who is this mysterious person that put the flowers next to Wendy? Let me know who you think it is (I feel like I left too many clues but whatever).

Writing about Lucy feeling this horrible really makes me sad…it's so difficult to write this part…

Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you next time! :)

Natsu: *eating like a pig* You know Author I really like how I paid as much as the other actoors without really doing anything. I mean, I haven't appeared for so long. Lucy has to be on set the whole time and I can just relax and eat delicious food all day and weg et the same amount of money in the end!

Author: Hm..that's true…it's kind of unfair, isn't it?

Lucy: Oh hell yes it is!

Natsu: Uhm…no it's perfectly fine, that's not what I was trying to say.

Author: I think I need to change it…

Natsu: You could double her payment?

Author: Nah…I don't have enough money fort hat, I think I'll just halve yours…

Natsu: What?! No! You can't…you can't do that!

Author: Of course I can, I'm the author! *evil laugh* Thanks for pointing it out though Natsu, I wouldn't have realized without you.

Natsu: *cries in corner*

Lucy: Well sometimes it's just better to shut up. *laughing*