Author's note: Raven's past. longest chapter i have ever written for anything! (4 pages on microsoft word)

Chapter 3

For the rest of the day, I sat on my bed, "wallowing in my own misery" as Edward so kindly put it. What made me more miserable were all the visitors I got. Obviously no one in this house ever respects people's privacy. Of course, that is quite hard with Edward and Alice around…and me.

The most heart-wrenching visit was from Esme. She just wanted to keep her family together. I understood that, but if it was my time to go, I cannot change my destiny, only the decisions that eventually got me there. I swear if she could, my mother would have cried out every ounce of liquid in her body. She had gone through too much loss to suffer any more. First she thought Edward had left. Then Bella was going to die. Then Alice and Jasper left. Now I was leaving her. I had stayed in her life the shortest, yet I was as connected to her as any of her other children.

Jasper came up the most often, even if his visits were the shortest. He came to remind me that no one wanted me gone. And he gave me an extra calming, happy feeling that I knew wasn't my own. I almost smiled the seventh time he came. But as soon as my jaw muscles began to move, he left, and so did the smile.

The most surprising visit was Renesme's, however. She came up the stairs as quietly as she could—lacking a bit of the grace of her father—and peeked inside. Although she was thirteen looks wise, her mind was so much more mature. I sometimes wondered if she was more mature than me. Probably. She asked me if I wanted to talk about anything. Everyone else who came just talked to me, not with me. They thought I didn't want to talk.

She walked over, her skin contrasting greatly with the dark, dreary furnishings and walls. I was about to tell her to go away, that I didn't want to talk, when she placed her warm hand on my cheek affectionately. She showed me visions of her past. Of when she thought her mother and father were to die and her Jacob might be the only one left. She remembered the pain that she might lose someone in her family.

Then she remembered the pain I had brought her whole family when I was created. Of when we had to move. The pain it caused them to see me have to leave now. She showed me the pain she felt losing another member of her family. She, too, didn't want me gone.

But then she showed me the same face I had been trying to block every time someone came into my bedroom: my own. It was distorted in pain; my long, dark hair completely messed up; my red eyes as hard as rubies instead of flowing like the human blood behind them. Renesme always saw things more clearly, as she did now. She saw the sadness hiding underneath the anger I held towards her and anyone else who tried to comfort me.

"Sometimes, you need to let others help you, even if you don't want it," she said to me once she placed her hand back at her side. "Really, it seems like you do need to talk. Talk to me. I am a great listener; you know I love stories. Why don't you tell me about your past?"

How could I say no to that face? I sighed and gestured to the bed, indicating I wanted her to sit down. "Before I begin, I just want to say that I feel very young here. Even if Bella—your mom—is only a few years older than me, I feel like a kid. Everyone else is much older. They have matured, grown wiser. I am as old as I look, but feel even younger. I know you are mature for your age, and you're really only five. Yet you are more mature than even me. I was never mature to begin with. I consider you more of my sister than a niece. And more of a sister than the uncles and aunts I consider everyone else is around me. Even Jacob seems older than me!" I paused to giggle, something I thought would be impossible for me to do today. Renesme giggled too. She knew Jacob was still a sixteen-year-old at heart and would never change.

"Now that I've gotten that off my chest," I began again, "I will tell you my story. I was born seventeen years ago in Chicago. Odd, I know, seeing as your dad was also seventeen when he was turned and lived in Chicago.

"My parents were never happy together and moved around a lot. They often went on long vacations. That was perhaps the reason for our financial troubles. When I was ten, they got a divorce. I thought it was about time—until it was time. They both packed their bags and moved out of our newest house. I didn't know who to stay with. My mom was an alcoholic and my dad was a workaholic and never home. I ended up getting put in foster care because my mom was unfit to take care of me and my dad didn't want to have to deal with me.

"I was a horrible child and never did as I was told. I got my ears pierced soon after I got into my second foster home—several times. I got my first tattoo when I was thirteen." I pointed to my shoulder, where there was a picture of a skull. Then I lifted up my shirt slightly so Renesme could see my lower back—there was several roses and thorny stems. "I got that one next. But my last one I got right before moving to Forks. It was the scariest to get." That's when I moved my thick, wavy hair to the side and pointed to the side of my neck, where there was what looked like two puncture holes. "Hey, I didn't know about this kind of vampire yet!"

Renesme admired the tattoo for a while before asking, "Why did you deface your body? Getting tattoos and multiple piercings…it just seems so weird."

I shook my head. "Life was complicated. Hell, it still is—even more so. But then, I thought that I could let the pain out by doing something more painful. After a while, they didn't hurt. I needed another way to let go of my pain. I would never try cutting—too emo. Drugs were too close to alcohol and that was what got me stuck where I was.

"I didn't have too much time to think though. The next day, my foster parents claimed they couldn't control me and shipped me off to Forks. There was a family on a reservation that had recently lost a child. They wanted to help some kid that they thought needed help, to ease their pain of not being able to raise their own kid.

"It didn't take me long to be attracted to Jake's buddies. They all seemed strong, mysterious, and cool. I liked that in a guy. But when I asked if I could come along to wherever they went one night, they just laughed in my face and said it was no place for me. Humph. So I set out after them. They took some short-cut through the woods and I thought it would lead to someplace cool.

"I could hear footsteps up ahead and tried to follow. When I got to the other side, I could've sworn I hadn't truly followed them. It was a house, a mansion! With a huge yard with several humongous wolves running through it to the house!

"I was too shocked to say anything. Especially when some of them disappeared into the bushes and came out several seconds later as young men. One of them was Jake. I did the only thing I could think of doing: scream at the top of my lungs. A second later, I had one of the wolves on top of me, knocking me to the ground, along with a huge guy—Emmett I later found out—that was extremely cold and hard as stone holding my arms down. Jacob was at my side the next second with a blond teenager with a calm look on his face. I fell asleep. Jasper….

"The next thing I knew, I was lying on an extremely comfy couch in an extremely white room. It almost blinded me. You know how much I hate white….Surrounding me were several of Jacob's friends along with a whole group of pale, cold people. It was like a bunch of fire and ice in one enclosed space.

"That's when they explained to me everything. Quil said he knew I wouldn't quit bugging them until they explained." I smiled, remembering the exasperated look on his face. "I was able to join their group at La Push after that. The Cullens, however, wouldn't accept me. Jasper made sure of that."

Renesme placed one of her tiny hands on mine—they reminded me of Alice's—and showed me my face. It was once again hurt. I, in turn, changed the look of my face in her mind to an image of my human face. I had gotten that image from her when I was just a newborn. She thought I looked beautiful, and still do. "Go on. No one ever told me why you were turned or why we had to move. They thought they should keep me innocent," Renesme said, irritated.

"It's not the happiest part of my life you know. Actually, it has scarred me, literally and figuratively. I don't like thinking about it. But right now, talking seems to be helping. And you are special to me. I will go on. It all started about a month after I found out about werewolves and vampires existing in Washington. I always knew Leah hated me, but this just was…ineffable."

I went on to describe the day Leah forced me to come with them when they went up to the mountains. I thought it was some trick, and it was. Leah was able to get me so angry that when I snapped at a newer wolf, he snapped too. They thought he had killed me. I was losing blood quickly. My face still has a scar on it starting above my eyebrow down to my cheek. I like it; it makes me look sinister.

They ran with me in their arms, rushing me to Carlisle. How could they describe what happened to anyone but him? Alice had already foreseen the attack and sent Carlisle down to La Push. Leah didn't know I would get hurt and pleaded with Carlisle to help me. She thought it was her own fault…which it was.

It was almost too late. He asked for permission from both Sam and Jacob, knowing that he was on their land and biting me would be completely against the treaty. They didn't care. They had both had grown attached to me. They thought I was cool, Jake more than Sam of course.

When I woke up from the searing pain, I did the most horrible thing I had ever done. Unlike Bella, I wasn't told too much about how newborns act and I wasn't prepared. I never thought I would be turned after all.

"I was still in La Push, and surrounded by good-smelling vampires, horrible-smelling werewolves and several tasty humans. I went straight for Leah's mom." I stopped, unable to go on. I got a lump in my throat, the moment causing too much pain. The pain ebbed away and I looked up at Renesme. She was thinking about Jasper standing at the door of my room. I quickly turned towards him and gave him a dirty look. I never gave him permission to reenter my room during my time with Renesme. Then I saw behind him were Bella and Edward, followed by Alice and Emmett. They all wanted to hear my side of the story.

I looked back at Renesme and she showed me a vision that we were still alone. It helped. I continued, "I don't want to describe how she tasted, but I knew at that point I could never become what all of you are. I was still thirsty and my throat burned, but once I was finished, I was held down by several vampires and werewolves.

"I realized what I had just done and didn't protest. Instead I just yelled, 'Kill me now! Just kill me now!' They wouldn't. Trust me, some wanted me dead, especially Leah, but they wouldn't do it. I had just killed her mom after she had saved my life…after she had almost killed me…but still! Everyone besides Jasper already thought of me as family because of the time I did spend with them. They took me in and decided it was best if we moved. I couldn't face going back to La Push, or even living too near it. Now Seth and Leah have no parents and I have caused for them what I already had. Full circle, right?" I noticed Jacob and Rosalie at the bottom of the stairs then.

"We moved here, and have lived here for six months. And I have caused enough grief for this family. I am finally going where I deserve."

AN: yes, not very much action. but now you know the story of Raven. she is one badass girl! i mean: piercings all over, tattoos, and a scar down her face she liked....Sinister.... please tell me what you think! if you think i made any mistake, especially time-wise, like the five years meaning 13 years for Renesme, PLEASE TELL ME!! I WILL TOTALLY CHANGE IT!! i am still confused by that speeding age thing...would she be 21 by age 7 and stop growing then or what? and i like the name Renesme better than Nessie. Get over it.
and yes, i will get back to present day and a lot of action next chapter. and yes, i made this up as i went along. its hard for me to come up with everything right away. especially someone's past.