Chapter 4(Davis)
I wanna hear some
music
Now that they're driving us all underground
Not the radio
music, or their satellite singing this
In this town, in this
town
I wanna hear some music
And with the rock stars all
flicker and fade
Power radio music, I'm a ghost overground
On,
on parade
And even if your
voice comes back again
Maybe they'll be no one listening
And
even if I find the strength to stand
Doesn't mean I won't go
missing
And the world will come
Crashing
I wanna hear
some music
I have been waiting down here for so long
Trying to
write this big music,
With your breath on my face
But now, now
you're gone
And even if your voice comes back again
Maybe
they'll be no one listening
And even if I find the strength to
stand
Doesn't mean I won't go missing
And the world will
come,
Crashing
And the whole world comes
Down,
down-wards
And all the water on this broken town
The freeway's
just like veins without a heart
And the world just
comes
Crashing
And the whole world comes
Crashing
And
even if your voice comes back again
Maybe they'll be no one
listening
And even if I find the strength to stand
Doesn't mean
I won't go on
And even if your voice comes back again
Maybe
they'll be no one listening
And even if you find the strength to
stand
It doesn't mean you won't go missing
And the world
will come
Crashing
And the words will come
Crashing
And
the music comes
Crashing
Down on me
Down on
me
And the words will come
Crashing
Down on me
So
down on me...
I stood in the crowd swaying to the music. Felix's arm was wrapped snug around my waist and he was holding me against his hard body. That hard body…it'd been my pain reliever for about a week now. He would wrap himself around me and his bronze fingers would manage, if only for a moment, to make me feel again.
At school, at my house, in my pool, at his house…we'd been screwing like rabbits. It helped for a little bit but it could never totally take the pain away. I missed having someone I knew was there for me totally. Felix and I were "friends with benefits". That's the way I liked it but it's also what was hurting me. He was never totally mine, so I had to deal with seeing him with other girls. But then again, I was never totally his, so I never had to give my heart away and get it ripped apart again. I don't think I could have taken it. Distance was good. It could keep me sane but it was also driving me crazy.
I felt his warm breath on my ear, "You look really pretty, swaying like that."
Ugh, there he went again. Trying to do away with the distance. I pulled away a little and heard him sigh. It's like we were dancing…well duh, of course we were dancing in the club, but I mean it's like we're dancers. He moves forward and I move away. He gets close, I go farther. A never-ending dance but one in which we never really touched.
The band finished playing a song and I turned to Felix, "I need to go get some air."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, I'm a big girl. Just go get us some drinks, will you?"
He watched me walk away but I felt it the best thing right now. Air and space. Distance. I walked out the front of the club. There were stairs and with a landing at the top. I leaned on the landing's railing, letting the cool wind of the night brush my face. I was there contemplating life and the meaning of everything when I heard it. Her voice. His voice.
I looked down at the parking lot and sure enough there they were. They were walking together towards the club. Together. Sure, Peyton looked a little sad but then again…how sad could she be with Lucas' arm around her like that? The girl who used to be my best friend, taking comfort from the guy who used to be my boyfriend.
Peyton must have felt my eyes on them because she looked up. Lucas' eyes soon followed. There I was. Looking down on them, disgust practically flared out of my eyes. Hurt probably showed too. How could they? After everything we all went through, just start seeing each other again?
I saw tears show up in Peyton's eyes and looked down at herself and Lucas. She must have figured out what I saw because the next instant, she shrugged his arm off and started running towards me.
"Brooke…it's not what you think."
She was already on the stairs and as much I wanted to slap her, I couldn't even stand to be around her.
"Stop Peyton. Just stop."
She stopped on the stairs, still looking up at me with eyes spilling over with tears.
I made sure my voice was cold and hard even though that's far from what I felt on the inside. Inside I was falling apart. "I don't ever want to see you again. I don't ever want you talking to me again. And I sure as hell will never be your friend again. You don't matter to me. Do you understand me? Did it get through your fake blonde hair and your fake ass smile? You…are nothing. You were never anything to me. And you sure as hell aren't anything to me now. I…hate you."
With that I turned and ran back into the club. I pressed through the bodies until I found the one I wanted.
"Hey pretty girl, I got those drinks. Hey, what's wrong?"
I choked back tears, "Just get me out of here ok?"
He wrapped one, warm arm around my shoulders, "Ok. No problem."
He started leading me to the front but I held back, "No, not that way. They're out there, Felix…I just can't face them again."
Somehow he knew. "Lucas? Peyton? Oh, I'm sorry baby girl. Don't worry. There's a back way."
He helped me out of the club and he helped me into his car. He drove me home and helped me to my front door. When we got inside, he ran a shower for me and when I got out he gently dried my hair. He put my robe on and laid me down on my bed. He covered me up and tucked me in. He placed a kiss on my forehead and laid down next to me. It was then that I realized that our distance was only in my imagination. Right here and right now he was the person that was closest to me. He was Felix and right now he was warm when I was so cold.
I must've fallen asleep because when I woke up, the room was dark and one of Felix's arms was around my waist. He'd cuddled up to me while I was sleeping. I didn't feel so cold anymore.
I sat up, wanting to ponder this new sensation. Dear God…what if I ended up needing Felix like I'd needed Lucas? What if he broke my heart too?
Felix must've felt me get up because after a few seconds he sat up too. "Are you ok?"
I didn't know how to respond or how to feel.
He laid one of his hands on my shoulder, "I'm sorry about hugging you while you were sleeping. I know you don't like it when I get close. It's just…Brooke I can't help it. I want to get close. Do you understand?"
I shuddered. This conversation was going exactly where I'd hoped and conflictingly prayed that it would go. "Felix…I."
He placed a rough finger over my lips, "Brooke, I know what they did to hurt you ok. I want you to know that I will never do that to you. If you can show me your heart, I promise I'll guard it with my life ok? No one will ever hurt you again."
I sat there, tears streaming down my face. How could he ask this of me? How could I say no?
He cupped my cheek with his hand, "Just say ok. Ok?"
Taking a deep breath and a huge emotional plunge, I murmured, "Ok."
*The lyrics at the beginning of this chapter are Crashin' by Jack's Mannequin. Again, I don't own them*