A/N: Holy. This chapter is longer than the others. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Thanks for all story alerts and reviews, everyone! They are delicious! More Liara/ everyone in this chapter. Also, skirting on the older end of teen here. For those who wanted less fluff and more cat fighting- well, there's no cat fighting but there's less fluff.

Cortez breaks her heart. Traynor was there the day he received the news about his husband. She found him next to the UT-47A Kodiak, wrench in hand, tears running down his face. She'd come to tell him about another Reaper attack. She'd never felt so helpless in her life.

They're closer now and he's one of the few onboard that she catches up with from time to time to play card games with, along with Donnelly, Daniels and Vega. They play now, gathered around the table at the lounge. Everyone has a drink in front of them and stacks of chips. James smokes a cigar. Donnelly is on his fourth drink, his face flushed red, leaning over to whisper in Daniels' ears. "I know you're trying to look at my cards, Kenneth," Daniels tells Donnelly irately.

"If you weren't beating me so badly I wouldn't have to."

It's easy for Cortez to be forgotten with the overpowering personalities but Traynor watches him. He's been lonely and miserable. She'd only been one of those but hadn't known it until Shepard came along. Maybe it took finding someone, however tentatively, or the end of the world to realize that Cortez could use some company as well.

The noise of the game, the chatter of the conversation, leads to Traynor speaking louder than she should. Or maybe it's the alcohol. Unfortunately, everyone quiets at exactly the moment she speaks. "There's always Lieutenant Vega."

Daniels arches her eyebrows. Donnelly goes red-faced and starts laughing. Traynor shoots him a look. Cortez looks at her, diplomatically aghast. "That idiot?"

James throws a card down in defiance. "Hey, screw you, Esteban! You'd be lucky to have a piece of this." He takes a drink from his glass and tops off the others' drinks. "What about you, Traynor?" he purses his lips at her. "I'm easy on the eyes, right?" James grins, winking at her.

"You're not seriously, propositioning me, are you?" Traynor asks him, cocking an eyebrow. They know. Right? Don't they know?

Donnelly doesn't know. "Hey," he says, "Lieutenant Vega is all right with me. What more can you look for in a man? He's a good soldier and he's got arms as big as watermelons," he slurs. Daniels, obviously annoyed, leans over to whisper in his ear. He looks at Daniels, asks her to repeat herself before his face goes beet red. "Oh. Sorry, Traynor. I didn't know you liked your watermelons elsewhere."

"You're charming," Daniels says bitingly.

Traynor's face is scalding. "We're not here to talk about me," she tells them. This had been about Cortez. "If I could get us back on track—" she starts.

Cortez shakes his head, sensing an opening and latching on to it, desperate to not be the focus of attention. He sets his cards aside—Traynor panics. He senses the game is done for the evening. "So…" he lowers his voice, causing all others to lean forward in anticipation, "The rumors about you and Commander Shepard—any truth to them?"

There are rumors? Started by whom? How did Liara know about her and Shepard to begin with? She'd never told anyone. Is any space on the ship safe? James looks at her cautiously and Donnelly stares with a newfound respect. She's quiet for too long, staring at her cards for a card game that the others have already forgotten. "Gossiping onboard the Normandy? Whatever would the Commander think?"

"She's easy on the eyes, too." Donnelly says approvingly. "Good job, Traynor." Traynor scowls. "Come on, you can't fault me for having eyes."

"I don't know," Daniels smacks Donnelly's arm, "I think there's plenty we can fault Kenneth with."

Cortez ignores them. "We can't fault you for having eyes either, Traynor."

Traynor wants to smack him. To think that minutes ago she'd been feeling sorry for him. Andddd this is her just desserts for teasing him in front of others. "The Commander's business is her own. If you have any questions, ask her." But she really hopes that they won't. She wants this to go away. She doesn't know when she and Shepard became an item on the down low. She isn't sure if it happened because Shepard is her commanding officer or because of her relationship with Liara. Maybe Shepard's embarrassed. …Is Shepard embarrassed?

"That's vague," Cortez picks up his cards, "but you obviously don't want to talk about it—"

"No, no, no," Donnelly lurches forward, resting an elbow on the table. "We're talking about Commander Shepard here," he says. "And I want to talk about it. It's been dull on board! Commander Shepard," he repeats.

"Oh, is that what we're talking about?" Daniels asks.

Donnelly waves her away. "Commander Shepard and – and Liara—do you remember seeing her come onboard Gabby, two years ago? After Ilium?" He looks at her waiting. Daniels shifts uncomfortably. "Those two were… Oh, I thought about them a lot. At night."

"You sick bastard. What's wrong with you?" Daniels asks him. He folds his arms on the table and lays his head down. She looks at Traynor who laughs but can't face any of them. She stares at her cards and bites her tongue.

"Hang in there, man," James pats Donnelly's shoulder. The man groans. He looks at the rest of them. "Tell you the truth, I always thought Shepard and Liara were an item." James says. "Back when they met up again on Mars…" he clears his throat and coughs. "Let's just say Mars wasn't the only reason things were hot."

"It's hard to miss how they look at each other, especially on the shuttle," Cortez agrees. A moment later he cries out, a hand reaching desperately under the table to grab his leg. Daniels looks at him pointedly. He looks at her as if she were a maniac.

"Who'd have thought you guys would be the biggest gossips on board?" Daniel asks. "You'd think there wasn't a Reaper invasion underway."

Traynor looks at her gratefully. The conversation is finished and the card game comes to an end several hands later. Any winnings Traynor had, she loses. The conversation has left her sick and disoriented.

Traynor is in the crew's quarters when the door opens and EDI steps inside. Traynor is still unused to seeing the AI's physical body. And what a body it is…! Bad Traynor. EDI surveys the room and hones in on Traynor. Traynor, who's been reading an unauthorized Biography on the history of Cerberus, sets the book aside and slides off her bed. "I didn't think you ever left the Bridge. Joker must be a mess," she says lightly.

"Yes, he is. You're the only one remaining for me to deal with now." EDI shifts stances, clenching a fist, eyes narrowing on her. Traynor's jaw drops. She is flooded with terror. EDI cocks her head quizzically. "That was a joke. You're the third one that has proved it unsuccessful. Jeff thought it might inspire fear. I'm afraid that it has."

Traynor laughs nervously. "Was that a joke, too?" EDI's confused frown is answer enough. "You scared me for a moment there. You don't usually walk around the Normandy, do you?"

"It is unnecessary. Jeff has stated his preference for my physical self to be situated closely to him. However, I am, at all times, everywhere on the Normandy. You do not come to the bridge as often as some others. Do you find Jeff obnoxious?" Traynor laughs, ready to contradict the claim but EDI continues. "Shepard has suggested I move around the Normandy to get others used to seeing this form. I do not understand the purpose of her suggestion but the end result is desirable."

"Oh. I think Commander Shepard may have a point. Sometimes people become shy around strangers or those they don't know well." She remembers how she tripped over her words every time she saw Shepard in the past. She's better now though the butterflies have never quite left her stomach. "The more we see you, the more we like one another."

"I do not agree with that assertion. For example, Liara T'Soni seems to find your presence most disagreeable and more so by the day. Garrus and Wrex also have little favor for you. Hold." She lifts a hand. "Finished." She lowers it. "An analysis of Normandy recordings reveals that you have spent ten percent more time with both men than Liara has, at least on the SR-2."

Traynor crosses her arms, unsure of whether she should feel angry, insecure or amused. She's somewhat nauseas, then again, she did eat in the mess hall not too long ago. "Well… I suppose I'm not expecting to be as… well liked as Liara."

The intercom comes on. Joker coughs. "Sorry, couldn't help but overhear." Traynor doubts that. "EDI, uh, do you mind getting back to the bridge?"

"I am having a conversation with Samantha, Jeff."

"Yeah, what you call a conversation can come across like a sucker punch sometimes," Joker says. "Sorry, Samantha, she's not really used to social mores or what have you. Really, don't pay attention to any of what she's saying. Wrex and Garrus like you just fine."

"I do not understand, Jeff. Have you not said that Garrus and Wrex have a preference for Liara T'Soni? Shepard's involvement with Samantha is regarded as—"

Joker coughs again and again. "Oh, crap, I think I spilled some water over all these electronics. Seriously, EDI, get back up here and let Samantha do what she's gotta do."

"There is nothing that needs doing. However, I will return to the bridge to speak to you privately." EDI turns to Samantha. "It is my hope that my next joke proves more humorous."

Traynor smiles weakly. "It was fine, EDI. A little horrifying… all things considered but funny." Funnier, maybe, the day that AIs and synthetics don't have such a notorious reputation for wiping out organics. "I'll come to the bridge more often."

"I would like that." She goes to the door, lingers there and looks back at her. "I am slowly becoming accustomed to being a member of the Normandy. The next logical step would be to establish a friendship with someone outside of Jeff. I have not clearly defined the process for that yet but I would like to 'practice' with you if that is possible. I enjoyed our chats earlier when you were part of retro-fitting the Normandy and I, for one, am happy for your presence. I believe that Shepard is as well, though I cannot say so with a one hundred percent accuracy."

Traynor smiles. She smiles until the door closes behind EDI and she can smile no more.

Liara T'Soni terrifies Traynor. It is with great fear and reservation that Traynor makes her way to Liara's room when her presence is requested. Part of her excited—she is in the lair of the Shadow Broker! The countless monitors, the wires, the computers accumulating hordes of data—! It is a lab scientist's wet dream. Or… other sort for women.

A bit dark, though. She's jittery again. Liara stands in front of the computer. If she's noticed her presence, she hasn't let her know. Her delicate features are fixed in concentration. Glyph comes over and introduces himself but Traynor only feels nerves rankling her. She makes small chat with him, not sure if she's saying too much or too little. It's not quite the same as it is with EDI. Her face colors, thinking back to what a fool she'd made of herself in front of the AI when she'd first joined the Normandy. Hopefully she isn't about to make a fool of herself yet again. No doubt Liara thinks she already is. Traynor isn't sure that Liara would be wrong.

"Samantha." Liara says, not looking away from the computer. "Are you planning on standing at the door all day? Please, come in." It would all be so much easier if Liara were to act like a bitch to her. "I heard Glyph making some introductions. You're free to ignore him. Goddess knows I would if I could afford it."

"Oh." She must say something more than that. "He is rather polite. And fascinating. I'd love to take a look at his schematics sometime."

"I'm afraid that's classified." There's no hint of apology in her voice. "Anyway, I am glad you're here. Some of the data for the Crucible involves a great deal of quantum and physics theory. I've already spoken with Gabby but I discovered that you too are a valuable resource on the matter." She cocks her head for Traynor to go closer. Traynor does so apprehensively. Her body is tight with tension and she can only hope that Liara doesn't notice. "I know there are a great deal of scientists working on it now and I've already poured over their reports. I was hoping someone closer could shed some light on the matter."

Traynor looks into the screen in front of Liara, examining the data, scanning the reports, looking at the blueprint for the Crucible. The lines are elegant, just as she had heard, the design simple. Traynor tries to focus on that but can't—Liara's gaze is on her. Everything on the screen becomes suddenly meaningless. Traynor dares to glance at her. Liara looks away, steps away. Traynor wishes she'd told someone where she was going. "Do you think this will work?" Traynor asks stiltedly of the Crucible.

"Of course it will work. As long as it gets built. The sooner the better. All we need is the catalyst."

Liara has, with little effort, made Traynor feel stupid in a matter of seconds. "I heard about your work on Mars. If it wasn't for you we wouldn't even have this. We'd stand no chance against the Reapers. So…thanks."

"It seems the hobby I've always been ridiculed for has paid off again. You have no idea how I was teased in my youth for my interest in Prothean culture." She crosses her arms gently and leans into a wall. "I suppose you and I share that in common."

"Actually, I know very little about the Protheans, save for a few research papers I did in grad-school after Shepard—and you, I suppose, battled Sovereign."

Liara smiles faintly. "I meant that we both have unconventional passions. You're very interested in chess, aren't you? You've entered many tournaments and won." Traynor doesn't know if she imagines the sharpness in Liara's voice. She didn't know any mention of chess could push others into a fury—save for those she's vanquished in tournaments. "and strategy games."

"Are you calling me a nerd, Dr. T'soni?" Traynor asks. Liara smiles wryly. "I don't recall telling anyone onboard the Normandy my… aptitude for winning chess tournaments." Has she been spying on her? Oh, God. She's been spying on her. Traynor looks back to the monitor, unsure of what to say. What can she say? What else does Liara know about her?

"I have a way of coming to learn things."

"Does that way usually involve spying and reading classified information?" Traynor asks. She shouldn't have said it. Her chess tournaments aren't exactly classified. Now she sounds like a cocky shit. She has a teasing relationship with Shepard and some other members of the crew but Liara still cares the living hell out of her and intimidates her to no end. "You could have asked." That's what she meant to say.

"Do you ask, Samantha?" Liara asks, voice soft but anger evident.

Traynor's eyes drop to the floor. Skirt along the wires coiled tight as snakes. The room is warm and cold. She thinks to tell Liara about some heat dampeners that she might utilize for the equipment but her voice is gone. She is cold with shame. She turns her head and sees a schematic labeled 'personal project'. She examines the plans and its contents, touching her fingers to it. "This sounds impressive. I'd love to see it." She says quietly. "Might I?"

"It's personal," Liara points out. Oh. They stand in silence for close to a minute. "But I suppose the rest of the world will see it sooner or later. I got the idea for it while speaking to Vigil on Ilos. Do you know who Vigil is?" Liara asks but continues without waiting for a response. "There was also a Shepard VI that came out after Shepard…" she narrows her eyebrows thoughtfully. Traynor goes to stand beside her. "It sounds so silly but I bought a copy. It didn't work very well but it inspired me."

Liara pushes a button and the device comes on. "It is a tool for future generations. There are language packs and data… to help them if the Reapers come again. I'm hopeful about what we're doing now," she adds, "but one can never take enough precautions."

Traynor listens. She spots another button and pushes it. She doesn't know why she does but she does. A small virtual representation of Shepard pops up in the middle of the device.

"It was supposed to be…" Liara hesitates, embarrassed. "Commander Shepard has been instrumental in our fight against the Geth and the Collectors. I'm sure she'll remain the same during our war against the Reapers. Shepard should never be forgotten. She's the reason some of us have made it as far as we have and the reason many still have our lives. She's saved both of us. Me in Therum, you on Horizon." She kneels before the device to look at it more closely. "It's done. Just about, anyway. Everything that matters is ready. The Crucible diagram and everything we know about the Reapers. But… this part. I'm having difficulty finding what it is I want to say about her. When I think about it— I become…overwhelmed."

"This is a constellation," Traynor says unsteadily, fingers reaching out to touch it, knowing there will be nothing to hold on to if she were to try. She doesn't care for holograms, preferring the physical. But this… Liara winces. Traynor retracts her hand. "You've… what you've done here…" The words lodge in her throat.

"It's only a time capsule, Samantha. Anything else… is only an afterthought."

Traynor looks up at her. Liara meets her eyes for only a moment before looking away. Traynor stands. "Commander Shepard will love it." Her throat is dry. This personal project, this dedication, this labor of love. "I know how little it must mean… but about everything… I am—" so, so, sorry. She's so ashamed. She thinks of Shepard, smiling gently and her shame deepens. God help her, if only she could do the right thing and give her up.

"You're forgetting about why I asked you to visit." Liara moves past her and back to the monitor with the Crucible data still loaded. Her voice is weak, tired. "I have some ideas that I'd like to run by you. That is, if I could have a little more of your time."

"I'll do everything I can."

Liara is blessedly silent, excruciatingly silent for minutes as she pulls up windows and records. "Thank you," she says at last, a sad, resentful whisper.

Traynor is walking back from her promised visit to EDI on the bridge when she sees the elevator rise from the third floor to Shepard's cabin. Traynor grabs tight hold of her confidence. She won't let it plummet. She won't let suspicion rear its ugly head.

She has to trust Shepard. Even if the reason they're together is because Shepard had a moment of untrustworthiness. Keep it together, Traynor. Focus on your work. Yes. There's data to decrypt, channels to scrub, entanglements to…untangle.

Maybe there are some chess blogs on the extranet she can surf. Right. As if the extranet is working all that well these days. As if there's anything but the Reapers on anyone's mind.

Breathe.

She can't focus. Anyone on the third floor could be visiting Shepard. Anyone at all. Chakwas or… or Garrus. Maybe Ashley. It doesn't have to be Liara.

Traynor thinks of Liara's personal project. Has she shared it with Shepard yet? Who wouldn't fall in love with a woman who writes their name in the stars?

They come back from another Cerberus lab raid, smiling defiantly, triumphantly. Traynor remains at her station, watching them walk through the bridge, over CIC. Smiles and laughter are in rare form these days. Traynor is happy for anyone or anything that can make Shepard smile in that way. So much of what she sees of her these days is marked in sadness.

Garrus, Liara and Shepard talk over one another. A piece of Reaper technology has been found—Liara already has ideas on how to utilize it to aid their cause. Garrus laughs. "You can take the nerd out of the Normandy but you can't take the nerd out of Liara. I'm only happy that your biotics match your talk. I didn't think it was possible to twist the top off a Cerberus man with that much gear on the way that you did. You've gotten dark, Liara. I like that."

"I only did what I must," Liara says bashfully.

"Saving Shepard's ass again; she's lucky to have us watching her back."

"Some of us watch more closely than others," Liara smiles in a small wicked way. Shepard laughs while Garrus coughs, commenting that he has no idea who she refers to. They all brush past Traynor to the elevator.

Traynor finds her courage and steps away from her console. "Commander," she says but makes herself look at Garrus and Liara who remain in good spirits, though their smiles dim somewhat. The two of them have stepped into the elevator and only Shepard remains on the outside. "All of you," she continues, "good work. I'm—glad that you're back safely." She can breathe once they all get back in safely.

"Thanks, Traynor," Garrus says. "Now to wash all the blood off." He raises a finger, ready to say something but stops when Liara looks at him dangerously. "Don't worry, I'll behave." He shuffles where he stands. "Shepard, are you coming? I don't want to hold this forever."

"I'm right behind you," Shepard says looking back at them. She turns to Traynor. There's blood on her face but Traynor knows that none of it is hers. "How was it here in CIC?"

"Not quite as exciting as what the three of you were up to. No bombs thrown, unless you count the f-bombs I shouted when I saw another Cerberus squad move in. But your GUI representations were spectacular. When your three dots were surrounded by thirty red ones, I nearly had a conniption." By conniption she means heart attack but no need to tell her that. "Great job, Commander."

"Well, I had a little help." She touches a hand briefly to the small of Traynor's back. Traynor sees Liara avert her eyes and tenses. Shepard notices the tension and drops the hand. "Thanks for keeping an eye out for me."

"Anytime, Commander."

Shepard gives her another smile, one that makes her as weak-kneed as all the other one and retreats to the elevator with Garrus and Liara. They all fall into their easy, excitable conversation again. None of them pay attention to her. The doors slide shut and Traynor returns her attention to the computer monitor.

Shepard's strangled cry wakes Traynor in a panic. Shepard is hunched over, hands covering her face, breathing raggedly. Traynor tries to control the worry that settles in, making her chest tight and her heart pound too violently. The cold blue light of the aquarium washes over Shepard, making light dance along her skin. Traynor sits up, touching Shepard's back gently. "What's wrong?"

Shepard's back lifts and falls under Traynor's hand. "Just a nightmare." She says shakily.

A nightmare? Traynor can only imagine what it might be to rattle Shepard the way it has. It must go past the shadows that plague her dreams from Horizon. Shepard has died and defeated Sovereign and the Collectors. She's lost friends and allies, civilians. Traynor shivers thinking of what might haunt Shepard's dreams. "You okay?" Shepard nods but doesn't lower her hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she says hoarsely. Traynor shifts and wraps her arms around Shepard's shoulders, pressing carefully to her back. Shepard grabs her arm gently. "Samantha…"

"Yes?"

"I…" Shepard ducks her chin. Traynor gives her time. Shepard shakes her head. "I haven't slept through an entire night since leaving Earth. I'm so…tired all the time. I'm no good in a fight like this. It's catching up to me. At this rate… I'm going to miss something. I'll be too slow or…"

Traynor's blood chills. She shakes her head. "Everyone's running on empty right now. Luckily for all of us you're better than anyone else on the field." Shepard is unconvinced. "You're going to be okay."

"I just want these nightmares to stop." She brings a hand to her eyes, her head bowing lower. "It's nothing I can make right." Her exhaustion comes through in her words. "Maybe they'll never stop."

"You're under a lot of stress. I can't imagine what you must be going through. It isn't fair," she squeezes her shoulders gently, "but the world wouldn't ask if it didn't think you could do it. I know you can do it. I'll say it as many times as I have to until you believe it. But you have to believe it too, Shepard."

"Yeah…" she closes her eyes. "Sorry I keep waking you. You've been sleeping less since you began to stay over. No fancy shower's worth that, is it?"

Traynor smiles wryly. "Haven't figured out yet that the shower was merely an elaborate ruse to get to know you better? I never knew that Commander Shepard could be so adorably naïve. Next you'll tell me you were a virgin when I seduced you in the shower." But... given her particular skill Traynor would wager that's unlikely.

"Is that what happened?"

Traynor frowns gently. She doesn't know how to classify what it is that had happened. How it happened. They haven't had that discussion yet. Shepard has been stressed since the day they met. She's had smiles for her and the crew, she's been inquisitive but there has always been a strain. Traynor had brought the chessboard to Shepard's room, intending a fun evening, intending to help the commander relax. Everything that she'd wanted to happen had happened, even if it hadn't been in the way she planned. Shepard looked so goddamned lonely standing clothed in the shower, more vulnerable than anyone Traynor had ever known. Had Traynor been wrong? Had she seduced Shepard? She couldn't seduce a high school boy. Could she? "I don't know." She says quietly. "To be honest… I never thought… that someone like you would ever take notice of me. I'm good in a lab and everyone always talks about how smart I am. Not that anyone cares about your degree these days." She's rambling.

"What are you getting at?"

"Nothing." She bites her tongue. Shepard carefully unwraps Traynor's arms from her shoulders and draws her close. Shepard's body against her back reassures her, the arms circled around her waist can never be too tight. Traynor is daily assaulted by a harrowing guilt—a worry that she will lose the affections of Commander Shepard when the galaxy may be on the threads of its last days. How stupid can she be? How self-centered? If Shepard leaves her for Liara it would serve her right. "It's nothing," she repeats.

"I don't believe you."

"You're a mind reader now? The result of some new biotic implant?"

"Yeah. I told you we can requisition all the best licenses." Shepard holds her tighter. "I can tell when you're tense, Samantha. I'm not that oblivious." Traynor laughs nervously. "Talk to me."

"Very well…" she mutters. Shepard's face is in the crook of her neck, her warm breath spilling against her. Traynor closes her eyes, focusing on the slight shifts in movements whenever Shepard draws breath and exhales, the way she lifts and lowers her. "It isn't a big deal. Because if it really were a popularity contest, EDI would have it in the bag. Oh. And you, of course." Liara would. Thinking about her or saying Liara's name makes her feel like a parasite.

"What are you talking about?" Shepard murmurs.

"It's just…"

"Spit it out."

"I've heard the others talk." Her face heats. She realizes with some mortification that her eyes are stinging. She will not cry about this like an idiot. Her imagination is getting away from her. Her imagination and the imagination of every other member of the crew as well, it would seem. "About you and…" Shepard lifts her face to look at her but Traynor faces in another direction. "I didn't know…your history. Everyone talks about you and Liara as if…" As if it's the only option, as if anyone else is a passing fancy, as if she were a homewrecker. "as if she were a beautiful asari, Prothean expert who helped you stop Saren, who has access to the kinds of files I can only dream of seeing, who is a biotics expert and can be at your side during a firefight. Compared to that…" she sighs softly. "Our GPA might be on par," she adds as an aside.

"Samantha…"

"She's still in love with you," Traynor breathes. "Everyone knows it. And if you don't know it you really are daft. As daft as I am for telling you if you don't know." She forces herself to be silent.

"You think I'm in love with her…?"

Aren't you? "Everyone loves her. I half-love her. She's… everything. I'm a yeoman with a knack for quantum entanglements." The tears burn her eyes. "I saw what she made for you. The time capsule…? I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I would have fallen in love with her right there and then if I didn't already…" she wipes, she hopes, discreetly at her face. "Sorry. You were mentioning a nightmare before I became very self-absorbed and made this about myself."

"About us."

"You prove my point exactly."

"What does it matter what other people think?"

"It matters. Of course it matters. Everything you've been doing for the past months, running around and having to play diplomat shows how much it matters what others think."

"But this? About this?"

"Will you sit here and tell me that the opinions of your closest friends don't matter a bit to you? That isn't who you are."

"I never said their opinions don't matter. But their opinions aren't everything. They don't know you the way I know you."

"Becauuuuuse I haven't slept with them? Do they know Liara the way you know her?" Traynor asks. Shepard's arms slip away from her. A sharp tremor jostles Traynor who scoots to the edge of the bed and stands. Shepard watches her. The good news is that Shepard no longer looks devastated as she previously did when she awoke from the nightmare. The bad news is that Shepard no longer looks devastated as she previously did when she awoke from the nightmare. Another break up may be deemed much more manageable than any intangible dream. Is there anything to break? Traynor begins to plan how not to fall apart.

"It's different," Shepard says. "We have a history—all of us. You're the newcomer and right now… everyone wants familiarity. They like you. They just need to get used to you. Give Garrus some time to run a few more calibrations and Wrex time to settle in and they'll come around. And Javik… he doesn't like anyone."

Traynor nods absently. Tears brim her eyes but she refuses to cry. She focuses on Shepard's model ships. All of those ships, most of those ships have been seen first hand by Liara, Garrus, Ashley and Wrex, even EDI. How can she compare to those experiences? How can she ever hope to become a part of them? Is there a future for her and Shepard if the others don't accept her? If she's only considered Shepard's solitary mistake? Looking at the model ships is a mistake reminding Traynor that she is an outsider.

"Sooner or later you're going to have to trust me, Samantha."

"I do."

"Really? That's not what it sounds like to me."

"Is it really so surprising that I can think this won't last? And can you imagine, for even a moment how that terrifies me? It isn't only the Reapers, Shepard. It's this ship and your friends and you and—" her throat locks. She clears it, "Liara and me." Her voice has risen desperately. "I've seen her look at you. I saw you—after everything." Shepard had been a ghost. Unsmiling, reclusive, thinner, miserable. All of that because of one solitary act that had undone years.

"Liara will always be important to me. I can't change that."

"I know. I don't want you to, much as it would make things a hell of a lot easier." She sighs and takes a breath. "All I can think…" Traynor stops. She brings a hand to her lips, mulling over the words, frightened to say them.

"What?"

"I think we both know that if Liara had forgiven you… we wouldn't be having this conversation. That's a given. What I don't know…" Traynor doesn't think she needs to finish the sentence for Shepard to know what she's talking about. Shepard's intelligent with a reputation for good decision making. Traynor has been her margin of error. "Lately," the words catch in her throat, "I feel as if I don't know a lot. Which is… unbearably difficult for someone who's built a great deal of her conceit on her smarts."

"You're more than just your brains."

"Thank you. But that was the one part in all of this conversation that didn't need clarification." She laughs again and this time tears fall from her eyes, spilling down to her lips, to her hands. She's so embarrassed that she laughs again, as if the laughter will somehow distract Shepard from knowing that she's crying about their situation right in front of her. An absurd hope. Maybe all of this has been an absurd hope.

Traynor sniffles. Another sad smile graces her lips. Shepard stands and eases the tears from her cheeks. Traynor doesn't know what to make of her own crying while keeping the smile plastered on her face. Is she still trying to impress Shepard and let her know that everything is okay? That she's a big girl and can handle anything? If she can handle the Reaper threat, why not this? Shouldn't she have more control over something like this? What did she do wrong? What could she have done right? Not slept with a woman who was involved with someone else. But she hadn't known.

What if she had known…?

Shepard kisses the tears from Traynor's cheeks, from the corner of her mouth. Shepard's fingertips cradle her face. Her hold is feather light but Traynor can't pull away. She doesn't want to. Shepard has given her no answer but a kiss, tears on her tongue, warm, soft and bittersweet. Traynor's fingers snatch weak hold of Shepard's sleeveless shirt, bringing her closer. Icy fire races through Traynor. Maybe that's why she doesn't know whether she's burning or freezing. She isn't sure if she has a preference.

I love you, damn it. Do you love me? The thought batters her mind. Shepard veils her in kisses, hands lovingly pulling her clothing away, carrying her to bed the way Traynor has dreamed a wife might one day. It's bloody perfect—except for all the insecurity.

Shepard takes her like the tide. It's been so long since Traynor's been to the beach. She'd like to go again one day. Will there be any beaches left after the Reapers are through?

Shepard draws a shuddering breath out of her, followed by a soft sigh.

Traynor considers the beaches. Perhaps one day she and Shepard will go. She'd like to go with Shepard. They can hold hands as the sun sets. It will be generic but beautiful all the same. They'll race back to whatever little home they've rented, no matter how badly they'll want to make love on the beach. No. They should make love on the beach. Maybe get a house on the beach. Shepard will deserve that, at the very least.

Will they have any sunsets? Maybe in the docking bay at the Citadel. It isn't the same though, watching the cars fly by.

A gasp.

Her fingers are woven through Shepard's soft hair, perhaps clutching too tightly. She whispers Shepard's name but isn't sure if it's with pleasure or a question. Shepard rises, hovers above her, cups her face, kisses her. Traynor moves against her, enflamed by her caresses. Hadn't Shepard just been having a nightmare? Hadn't she just been having a nightmare? How did they get here?

Her breath is short, the kiss broken. Shepard's eyes are luminescent, different than usual though Traynor can't identify why. Is she far away…? Whatever Traynor's going to say is reduced to another soft moan. "I need you closer," she breathes, fingers hooking haphazardly beneath the small garments Shepard wears, removing the shirt, removing everything between them until their heated flesh is pressed together and the icy feeling in her begins to thaw. Shepard clutches to her, pins her above, pins her beneath.

Traynor drowns in euphoria. Everything is a beautiful haze. This isn't the 'closer' she had in mind. Where's the answer she was looking for? If only she weren't so painfully addicted to answers. Traynor closes her eyes. Shepard curls up beside her, resting her head against Traynor's chest. Traynor strokes her hair. "You can't get out of questions by doing that every time." Enjoyable as it may be. She still struggles to collect her breath.

Shepard glides a hand along her hip. "I didn't know there was a question."

Traynor can't remember if there was one. "Do you need anything from me?" she asks quietly.

"No. Not right now."

"So all of that right now was…" Wonderful. But what else? Something to get her to stop crying or asking questions?

Shepard props herself up on her elbow and looks at her. Her hand continues to run over Traynor, her eyes far away. "I'm still a little distracted." Traynor frowns. Shepard must notice; she smiles guiltily. "Not that you aren't the best kind of distraction."

"I'd like to be more than a distraction, Commander." Traynor sees Shepard's eyebrows narrow at the title. "Do you even want me half as much as I want you?"

"Of course. I know we don't get a lot of time together. But I'm happy for what we do get." They kiss. "I've kept you up long enough. There's no reason one of us shouldn't sleep."

"I wouldn't be here if I minded keeping you company." Traynor turns on her side, draping an arm along her waist. A moment later she decisively pushes Shepard to her back. Shepard stays put, a faintly tired smile touching her lips. "Commander."

"Don't call me that. Not here."

"Is that an order?"

"Yeah. You got a problem with that?"

"No, ma'am."

Their lips meet again with bruising intensity. Shepard's body is molten lava beneath her touch. Traynor is unwavering in her efforts, only stalling to tease. She continues only when Shepard demands her attentions with the pulling, the hissing and moaning of her name.

When they're spent, they fall back heaving for breath before turning to face each other. Shepard's eyes are dark, exhausted. Traynor is determined not to fall asleep before her. They talk. About the foods they miss and their favorite spots on Earth, about the Alliance and London. Traynor talks to her about beaches and the smell of salty sea air. She talks about sunsets and dogs. Real dogs, not mechanical dogs. She likes retrievers and huskies. Shepard's eyes slip shut, flying open when she senses she's falling asleep in the middle of what Traynor says.

"Sorry," Shepard says wearily.

"Don't be. I'm the one going on when you're trying to rest." Traynor strokes Shepard's arm.

Life is a funny thing.

If the Reapers hadn't attacked she never would have met Shepard. The best thing in her life began on the worst day the galaxy has known in the last 50,000 years. The thought is cruel and distressing. She can't imagine a Normandy without Shepard, a life without Shepard. Not anymore.

Shepard's breath slows. Her eyes close again, fingertips curling around Traynor's. Traynor is convinced Shepard's finally found sleep when her eyes snap open. The terror on her face is real. What does she dream about…? Moments later, Shepard becomes situated again to the cabin, relaxing when she sees Traynor. "I'm here," Traynor says softly. "It's all right."

Shepard holds her hand tighter.

Would she sleep better with Liara at her side? Should she let Shepard go…?

Traynor wonders if anything good can be birthed in the darkness.