Chapter 5(Sawyer)
You are nothing…I hate you. Brooke's words pounded over and over again into my head and into my heart. I stood there on the stairs, frozen, long after she had run off. She never cared about me? She hates me? Why shouldn't she?
I heard Lucas coming up behind me. He was probably going to be typical Lucas…throw his arms around me, rescue me from the situation, make me feel like less of a stain on the human race. I turned around and held up both hands in a stop motion. I didn't trust my voice but I couldn't have him next to me. I deserved all the self-loathing that was running through my veins right now.
I saw in his eyes a pleading look. He wanted me to come to him, to let him comfort me. He wanted to take care of me. He wanted me to love him, like he loved me.
I ran. I ran up the steps and away from him. I heard him calling my name from behind but I paid it no heed. As I entered the club door, I heard him running up the steps but by that time I was inside. I pushed through the crowd of people, all swaying to a song that meant nothing to me. How could I hear the beauty in the melodic chords or see the happiness on the crowd's face when my whole life was nothing but a waste?
I pushed through them all. I wanted to be alone but I was scared to be. Scared of myself and scared of everyone else…that's me. The pitiful Peyton Sawyer. Chocking back a sob I shoved through a door that was more than likely leading to someplace I wasn't supposed to go, seeing as it read "Employees Only" and I wasn't an employee. Once through I was confronted with a jumbled scene that I could barely take in.
Two guys were sitting on a couch and a girl was kneeling in front of a warped coffee table, snorting something up her nose. Cocaine. The word came to me like a bullet. One of the guys jumped up when I came in but the other just lolled on the couch, a happy smile on his face.
The guy who had jumped up looked at me nervously and crossed the distance between us with large steps. I backed up a little. He was tall, older than me, scraggly, and definitely a druggie.
A mumbled excuse slipped through my lips, "I…I'm sorry. I just needed to get away. I didn't mean to…"
He must've seen I was in a bad way because the next thing I knew he was cooing, "Hey baby…It's alright. I got something that'll make everything ok."
He led me over to the couch and pulled out a small vial of cocaine. He poured out a little on the mirror the girl had been using. She was standing up now, looking at me and the guy as if she'd never seen creatures like us before.
He handed me a small tube. "Go ahead, beautiful. You got some cash right?"
Numbly I nodded. Yeah, I had money.
He smiled, "Well then. Go ahead. It'll make everything alright. You'll see."
I leaned down and without thinking snorted the cocaine. It burned going up my nose. Something that would make everything ok. I sure needed that.
I got up, wiping my nose and sniffling. Already it felt like the edges on my world were softening.
The guy held out his hand. "I'm so rude…didn't even introduce myself. I'm Rick."