8 Months Later
08:32:08 AM DDixon: You there?
08:32:10 AM CPeletier: hey, good morning. Yup, I'm here. What's up?
08:35:23 AM DDixon: I was looking at those three tickets you assigned me, and I wanted to talk to you about them. And...I'm not sure… Fuck. Can we switch to the other chat?
08:32:14 AM CPeletier: Umm, sure. You'll need to unblock me though. :P
08:32:12 AM DDixon: You were blocked for about three days total, okay? I realized right away how childish I was being. Look, can we just switch over before talking anymore? I don't want the IT guys to be popping popcorn and settling in for the show.
08:33:14 AM SofiaLamb: There's going to be a show?
08:32:47 AM Ezio-DD: No. Nothing like that. I just need to talk to you.
08:34:33 AM SofiaLamb: okay. What's up?
08:36:56 AM Ezio-DD: Fuck.
08:39:45 AM Ezio-DD: Why is it so hard to talk to you about things now? We're still friends, right?
08:41:32 AM SofiaLamb: as far as I know, yes.
08:46:12 AM Ezio-DD: I don't know how to talk to you anymore, but I need to ask you about something. And we're still friends, despite everything. I mean, maybe not close like we were but we at least acknowledge that there was a time when we were really important to each other, right? And people who are important to each other talk to each other, right?
08:50:23 AM SofiaLamb: You saw my calendar.
08:50:45 AM Ezio-DD: yeah.
08:53:12 AM Ezio-DD: Did you quit?
08:55:40 AM SofiaLamb: no, nothing like that.
08:58:02 AM Ezio-DD: you've got two weeks of vacation and then everything on your calendar has been set to "tentative."
09:06:56 AM SofiaLamb: I didn't quit. I just don't know where I'll be and Schumpert decided that rather than let me handle it discreetly, he should have IT switch all my meetings over to "Tentative" for the next two months since he couldn't just announce that my life is fucked up over the loudspeaker and have it broadcast to all the offices. But clearly that was the intent because you are the fourth person today that I've had to reassure that I'm not quitting.
09:09:12 AM Ezio-DD: Can we just break this whole thing down line by line for a second?
09:10:31 AM SofiaLamb: :) Sorry. Just venting a little. I'm very annoyed with him.
09:10:40 AM Ezio-DD: So what's going on?
09:12:30 AM SofiaLamb: ehhhh… In a nutshell? I'm moving. Somewhere. And until I know where, I can't guarantee whether I'll be available at those times. That's all.
09:13:34 AM Ezio-DD: What happened? You going into witness protection? Ed get transferred or something?
09:17:23 AM SofiaLamb: Um, no. I left Ed.
09:17:30 AM Ezio-DD: WHAT? When?
09:17:42 AM SofiaLamb: about 8 months ago.
09:18:03 AM Ezio-DD: …
09:18:06 AM Ezio-DD: what?
09:24:42 AM SofiaLamb: yeah...I wasn't sure how to tell you or if I even should, and then things got really complicated and so much time passed, and I guess I don't know how to talk to you anymore either.
09:28:14 AM Ezio-DD: I don't even know what to say right now.
09:28:35 AM SofiaLamb: yeah, I'm right there with you.
09:28:59 AM Ezio-DD: do you want to talk about it?
09:31:07 AM SofiaLamb: yes and no.
09:31:27 AM Ezio-DD: understood. Can you at least explain why you're moving but don't know where?
09:34:10 AM SofiaLamb: yes. To you, I can explain. But you need to know that this is not something I've told anyone else but Schumpert and HR, and I really don't want this getting around the company. Can you please keep this to yourself as much as possible? You don't have to lie if someone asks you directly, just don't volunteer the information.
09:34:44 AM Ezio-DD: yes, of course.
09:40:15 AM SofiaLamb: When I told Ed that I wanted a divorce, he didn't take it well.
09:43:27 AM SofiaLamb: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble explaining this. This is really hard to talk about.
09:43:56 AM Ezio-DD: It's okay, take your time. Just whatever you feel comfortable saying. You know you can tell me anything, and I'm not going to judge.
09:44:43 AM SofiaLamb: that's not what I'm worried about.
09:48:04 AM SofiaLamb: He lost his temper. I ended up in the emergency room. Wasn't anything too serious, just a mild concussion and some cracked ribs were the worst of it.
09:48:39 AM Ezio-DD: he's a fucking dead man.
09:48:51 AM SofiaLamb: Daryl, it's okay. I handled it. Don't...just don't. It's over.
09:51:32 AM Ezio-DD: I need to stop talking right now. I need to go outside and have a smoke. I need to get away from my desk because I think I might start tearing this place apart if I don't leave right now.
09:51:47 AM SofiaLamb: k
10:10:32 AM Ezio-DD: I'm back.
10:10:50 AM SofiaLamb: hey. You okay?
10:11:00 AM Ezio-DD: …
10:11:08 AM Ezio-DD: you're asking ME if I'm okay?
10:11:48 AM SofiaLamb: yeah. I need to know that you're not going to lose your shit over this.
10:13:12 AM Ezio-DD: did he ever hit you before that?
10:16:43 AM Ezio-DD: answer the fucking question.
10:20:07 AM Ezio-DD: I swear to god that if you don't answer that question right now, I'm going to be on the next plane to Detroit and I'm going to fucking hunt that motherfucker down.
10:20:37 AM SofiaLamb: yes.
10:22:09 AM Ezio-DD: why didn't you tell me?
10:23:01 AM SofiaLamb: because
10:23:15 AM Ezio-DD: that's not an answer
10:23:47 AM SofiaLamb: that's the only one I have.
10:25:30 AM Ezio-DD: my normal response would be to clam up right now, to get all defensive and hurt and think you didn't tell me any of this because I didn't measure up. But i'm not going to do that because this ain't about me, this is about you. All I care about right now is that your safe. Are you safe?
10:26:17 AM SofiaLamb: Yes, I think so.
10:26:31 AM Ezio-DD: you think so, or you are?
10:27:10 AM SofiaLamb: I am.
10:27:43 AM Ezio-DD: okay.
10:28:56 AM Ezio-DD: I want you to know that I didn't ever ask you about your marriage because I didn't think I had any right to. Not because I didn't care.
10:31:04 AM SofiaLamb: it was the right choice. I probably would have told you stuff, and it would have been upsetting to you, and I would have felt guilty for dragging you into my mess. So you made the right choice.
10:31:29 AM Ezio-DD: well, I'm asking you now.
10:31:47 AM SofiaLamb: what do you want to know?
10:32:02 AM Ezio-DD: Everything. Start at the beginning
10:33:31 AM SofiaLamb: none of it matters now
10:33:55 AM Ezio-DD: don't care. I should already know this. If we were as close as I thought we were, we'd have talked about this. I failed you
10:34:17 AM SofiaLamb: what are you talking about? You didn't fail me
10:35:52 AM Ezio-DD: yes I did. I let my massive, inappropriate crush on you get in the way of being a real friend. I didn't ask you about Ed like I should have. I didn't ask you about your life. I don't even know how you met or when. I don't know about your family.
10:37:02 AM SofiaLamb: i don't know about yours either.
10:37:47 AM SofiaLamb: i never examined our friendship, you know? Thinking about it now… This wasn't YOU failing ME. I wasn't a good friend either. But I never thought of it in those terms, and up until 5 minutes ago, I wouldn't have ever questioned that we were close friends. So you shouldn't either. I didn't talk to you about Ed because I didn't have to think about him when I was with you, and that was important to me.
10:40:18 AM Ezio-DD: its true, I always considered you to be one of my closest friends, and it kills me that everything we are saying right now is in past tense. But I want to believe this can change and we can still be…*we*. None of that stuff mattered before but it matters now so tell me about Ed.
10:44:23 AM SofiaLamb: He's older than me, by about 6 years. We met when I was 24 and he was almost 30. He'd been married before, and she died in a car accident. She was pregnant at the time.
10:45:46 AM Ezio-DD: Fuck. That's rough. That'd fuck anyone up.
10:48:11 AM SofiaLamb: That's the thing, when I met him and things started progressing, I thought he was the healthiest, most well-adjusted person on the planet considering what he'd been through. What I didn't realize was that he was able to maintain this image of someone that was friendly, personable, and caring, but that he was basically dead inside. He died in that car crash with them.
10:51:34 AM SofiaLamb: I was naive, about a lot of things. The stuff that bothered me when we were just dating or living together, it seemed unimportant at the time, like these were the things that they talk about when they say marriage is a compromise. I actually thought that his lack of concern for my well-being was just something I would have to compromise on.
10:52:01 AM Ezio-DD: what do you mean by that? I don't understand how that's okay
10:55:24 AM SofiaLamb: it wasn't anything major, like I didn't break my arm and he wouldn't take me to the hospital. It was little things. Like I had to travel for work a few times and he wouldn't charge his phone. I'd text him to say I got there safe and he didn't even know, wouldn't get the text until the next day. I just knew I couldn't count on him if something happened. I got a flat tire once late at night and I just called AAA and didn't even bother trying to reach him. I told myself he was sleeping and he shouldn't be driving that late after just waking up, but deep down I knew he wouldn't come get me, or if he did, I'd never hear the end of it.
10:57:15 AM Ezio-DD: that's fucked up. That's just… I'd go get Glenn in that situation, let alone my girlfriend or, Jesus, my fucking wife? That's really fucked up.
11:00:23 AM SofiaLamb: i know. NOW. Looking back, I can't believe how stupid I was. The night we got engaged, I was actually thinking of breaking up with him. Something had happened and it made me realize he wasn't over his first wife, but then he proposed and I thought that was a sign that I was wrong, that he wouldn't have considered marrying me if I wasn't just as important to him as she had been. But he didn't have a ring, you know? He didn't ask me like he'd been planning it or even thinking about it. I think he knew or sensed that I was thinking about breaking it off and asking me to marry him was his way of controlling the situation.
11:04:47 AM SofiaLamb: i justified it afterwards, the doubts I'd been having. The stuff about his first wife. Of course there'd always be baggage, but I thought having me in his life, loving him, that I would somehow be enough. But we hadn't even been married two years when I realized that if I died right then, it would have merely been an inconvenience to him. He was spending each day just getting by, waiting to die and be with them. When I gave him an ultimatum to force him to get therapy, that's when he hit me the first time, and some sick part of me was happy that he felt *something* towards me.
11:06:18 AM SofiaLamb: after that, we weren't even a couple, we sure as fuck weren't partners. We shared a house. He had his life, I had mine. Occasionally he wanted to fuck. I never wanted to. Not with him, it made me feel terrible every time, especially when I realized that he couldn't...maintain things if he could see my face. Hindsight is 20/20. But I didn't have much of a say in it. Luckily, eventually he became less and less interested in me and more interested in strippers, and I was okay with that. I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I wanted a divorce and here we are, all caught up.
11:10:33 AM SofiaLamb: see why I didn't want to talk about it? I'm fucking pathetic. I'm a pathetic, worthless piece of shit that was so desperate for love that I married a man that would have been just as happy with a blow-up doll. Happier probably, since a doll doesn't try to talk to you. And I stayed with him because I thought he'd learn to love me. And then I gave up on that and stayed with him because I was afraid.
11:13:53 AM SofiaLamb: I feel like I'm going to throw up right now. I shouldn't have told you any of this. I can't believe I told you any of this but you asked and somebody was actually listening so of course I just spew out everything on my mind because someone is paying attention to me! And I'm so fucking pathetic that just having you ask a fucking question has me spilling my guts out to you, stuff you don't need to know and I don't want you to know but there we are.
11:14:21 AM SofiaLamb: I need to walk away now. I'm crying, and I'm embarrassing myself here, and I can't take much more humiliation right now. I have to move because my ex-husband who never loved me to begin with is stalking me. FUCK MY LIFE.
SofiaLamb has disconnected.
DD: [[ You said you have to move somewhere but don't know where. Move down to Atlanta. You can stay at my house for as long as you need to, Glenn moved in with this girlfriend two months ago, and I have an empty guest room. You'll be safe here and you can work out of the Atlanta office. ]]
CP: [[ I don't think that's a good idea. ]]
DD: [[ If you're worried about it becoming complicated, don't. I have a girlfriend. You'd be my guest/roommate. Fuck, we can even carpool and use the HOV lane. Win-win. ]]
CP: [[ So I guess this is your new phone number? ]]
DD: [[ Yes. ]]
DD: [[ I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. ]]
CP: [[ You aren't an asshole. If you were, I'd have told you all this years ago and things wouldn't have gotten so fucked up. You're one of the best people I know. I'm glad you have somebody, I hope she makes you happy. ]]
DD: [[ She does. ]]
CP: [[ Good. :) I'll think about Atlanta. You've made a strong case for it though, what with the carpooling and all. ]]
DD: [[ I knew that would be a big draw. But seriously, I have plenty of room. I'll send you pictures of the house. The room is empty, you could move in at any time, and move out whenever you find your own place. Probably be quicker than you think, rent is relatively cheap down here. ]]
CP: [[ That might be a problem. Can't get into it right now, but Ed pretty much fucked me financially. I might not be able to afford a place of my own for months. One of the reasons why everything is so up in the air, I can't move until I can find someplace where I can afford to keep living. ]]
DD: [[ None of this is a problem. That room would just be empty otherwise. And if that's what is keeping you in Michigan, then pack your shit and get down here. ]]
CP: [[ Let me at least think about it overnight, okay? :P ]]
DD: [[ FINE. ]]
CP: [[ Your girlfriend isn't going to mind if I move in? ]]
DD: [[ Nope. She's cool. ]]
CP: [[ Maybe you should ask her? ]]
DD: [[ FINE. ]]
DD: [[ She says "tell her to pack her shit and get down here." ]]
CP: [[ PFFFF. DOUBT THAT. ]]
DD: [[ You'll just have to ask her yourself when you get down here. ]]
CP: [[ Fine, I'll tell you in the morning! GAWD. ]]
DD: [[ FINE. ]]
DD: [[ Do you need any money for gas or anything? ]]
CP: [[ Laff. You're such a fucking sweetheart. No, I'm not broke, I just don't have a lot of available credit right now. ]]
DD: [[ Okay. But promise you'll tell me if you need anything. ]]
CP: [[ I will. I promise. Daryl? ]]
DD: [[ yeah? ]]
CP: [[ thank you. ]]
DD: [[ the best thanks would be having you here, safe and sound. ]]
CP: [[ sigh You are so fucking pushy. ]]
DD: [[ :P ]]
"Dude. You told her you have a girlfriend?"
"I do. She just hasn't moved down here yet, but I'm workin' on it."
"That's so wrong…"
"Don't care. You need to get the rest of your shit out of the house after work. I need to take pictures so that she'll know it's a real place, not a shit hole. She needs to feel safe."
"Who is going to protect her from you, pervert?"
"Fuck off."
The email came in around 8pm, 15 images attached. The body of the email just had an address, and when she plugged it into Google Maps she found that he lived near an area called Little 5 Points. She took a few minutes to look at the street view of the neighborhood, enjoying the eclectic mix of little bungalows and Craftsman-style cottages. The address he sent was one of the latter, and before seeing anything of the photos, she fell in the love with the street-view of a house-spanning front porch with pillars, a porch swing, and planter boxes spilling perennials over wide wooden planks. It was her domestic wet dream.
She clicked through his pictures, trying to look at each room critically but finding herself getting caught up in the details of the woodwork, the original deco-style stained glass windows at the base of the stairs and the arch of the windows, and the broad window seat with the thick blue cushion in the picture simply labeled "Your Room." She wanted to be cautious, she wanted to take time and consider all her options, but until a few hours ago she didn't have any options and she was convinced she'd be sleeping on someone's couch for the next three months before she could afford the security deposit on a rat hole in BFE Indiana. Instead there was a porch, a window seat, and a good friend that was safely involved in a relationship. That last item was both comforting and heartbreaking to her.
She wanted to be cautious, but instead she found herself looking around her dingy extended-stay hotel room at the 12 boxes, one oversized wooden crate, and three suitcases that contained all her worldly possessions, and decided that if she spent the next hour packing up all the regular-use items that were scattered around the room, she could be asleep by 10, get up at 5 to load her car — which would severely limit the possibility that Ed would be around to interfere — and be on the road by 6:30 at the latest. That put her in Atlanta at around 8 pm assuming traffic somewhere, depending on if she bothered stopping for any meals. It was the first time in eight months that she felt excited about something, hopeful even, and she didn't want to waste time forcing herself to think about it when she'd already decided the moment she saw that porch. She fired off an email to her boss and got to work packing the few things she'd needed over the last month.
CP: [[ img attached ]]
DD: [[ what is this? ]]
CP: [[ it's a picture of me standing in front of the "you are now leaving Michigan" sign about 45 minutes ago, as I'm on my way down to my new life in Atlanta. ]]
DD: [[ Carol? ]]
DD: [[ you're beautiful. ]]
CP: [[ HOLY SHIT. I forgot you've never seen a picture of me before. And I'm sticking my tongue out at you! That's a great first impression. ]]
DD: [[ when do you think you'll get here? And can I tell people at work? Glenn is going to be so fucking excited. ]]
CP: [[ just Glenn? ]]
DD: [[ no. ]]
DD: [[ Rick has been talking about a Mario Party tournament for months. He'll be psyched for you to play. ;) ]]
CP: [[ ← pouty face ]]
DD: [[ in about 11 hours, I'm gonna be able to see your pouty face. ]]
CP: [[ maybe not. I'm debating turning around since you don't seem very excited about me moving in. ]]
DD: [[ … ]]
DD: [[ Don't toy with me, woman. I'm more excited than can be expressed by mere glyphs on a screen. I've fucking MISSED you so much, and now you're going to live here. ]]
CP: [[ yes, now you can adjust your aim. ]]
DD: [[ ass. ]]
CP: [[ ≤3 ]]
He was so absurdly thrilled by the heart that he screen-captured it, then scrolled up and screen-captured the beginning part of the conversation with her picture in it, then grabbed the rest of the conversation just because. It was something he didn't ever want to forget. He made a copy of the capture and edited out all but her picture and the first two lines of conversation, then posted it to the FB Messenger group for the handful of people who he was closest to. He started counting and was a little shocked that he managed to hit 11 before the first message popped up.
8:36 AM
Nerd Club
Glenn: HOLY SHIT THATS CAROL? She's fucking HOT
Rick: Carols moving here? I haven't seen an emai. Looking now.
Glenn: THATS your take-away?
Rick: nope no email.
Rick: hey, I don't objectify women. Her physical attractiveness isn't the first thing I notice.
Tara: holy fuck, I would WRECK her
Tara: I had no idea she was so bargain
Tara: *banking
Tara: FUCKING AUTO-CORRECT
Tara: *bangable
Tara: she's moving here?!
Glenn: didn't you just invite her yesterday?
Daryl: yup. :) apparently I made a strong case.
Rick: isn't she married? What's her husband doing?
Daryl: dying in a fire if there's any justice in the world
Rick: did she leave him?
Tara: Carols single now? And moving here?!
Rick: Daryl, did she leave her husband for you?
Abraham: son of a dick, THAT'S Carol? Dayum
Tara: I can't really tell from the picture, how big do you think her boobs are? I hope a solid C…
Rick: Daryl?
Daryl: what?
Tara: you know I like my women busty
Abraham: from the angle looks like a B. Could be a C
Rick: did you break up her marriage?
Daryl: none of your fucking business Rick, but no. She left him months ago.
Abraham: no shit? Wonder why she didn't say anything.
Tara: I think I'd be okay with a B, considering the rest of the package. I mean, she clearly knows how to use her tongue. ;)
Glenn: Jesus, Tara. How are you not getting emails from HR on a daily basis?
Tara: I'm just saying what y'all are thinking.
Abraham: she's not wrong.
Rick: where is she going to live? Are they putting her up in executive housing?
Daryl: with me
Glenn: with Daryl
Abraham: no shit?
Glenn: my old room
Abraham: mmhmm
Eugene: Carol is really pretty. But I thought she would be based on her voice.
Tara: did she leave her husband because she realized she prefers bumper-to-bumper?
Daryl: I was thinking of having a barbecue this weekend, a welcome party.
Glenn: YES
Glenn: can I bring Maggie?
Daryl: can I stop you?
Glenn: would you want to?
Daryl: nope.
Glenn: good answer
Glenn: can I invite Beth?
Daryl: …
Glenn: you did tell Carol you have a girlfriend.
Daryl: …
Rick: why'd you tell her that?
Eugene: you don't have a girlfriend. Everyone knows you're in love with Carol.
Glenn: except Carol
Rick: except Carol
Tara: expect Carol
Daryl: fuck you all
Eugene: Isn't she married?
Abraham: use your genius brain to scroll up numbnuts
Tara: I really think she's gay. Look at her hair
Daryl: she's not gay
Rick: why'd you tell her you have a girlfriend?
Daryl: jesus, Rick, quit busting my balls
Jesus: yes, my son?
Abraham: BWAHAHAHA
Tara: OMG well layed
Tara: *played
Glenn: how'd you do that? FB doesn't let you use nicknames
Jesus: I work miracles, my son
RG: [[ why did you tell her you have a girlfriend? ]]
DD: [[ /sigh ]]
DD: [[ she wouldn't move down here if I didn't and she needed to get away from her ex ]]
RG: [[ what did he do? ]]
DD: [[ bad stuff. That's all I'm gonna say. ]]
RG: [[ I can't believe she didn't tell me any of this, I thought we were friends ]]
DD: [[ she didn't tell anyone ]]
RG: [[ she told you ]]
DD: [[ yeah, she did, so clearly she trusts me ]]
RG: [[ good thing you followed that up by lying to her about having a girlfriend ]]
DD: [[ fuck off. I'm telling her the truth as soon as she gets here, but she wouldn't have come if I didn't tell her that. And she needs to be here. ]]
RG: [[ I'm going to let her know I have an open room too. Not going behind your back, but she should have options ]]
DD: [[ fuck you ]]
RG. [[ it wasn't that long ago that you blocked her on chat, changed your phone number, and kicked her out of the XBL group because you were all butthurt over something. I didn't even know the two of you were talking again and suddenly she's moving down here to live with you? ]]
DD: [[ I didn't kick her out of the group. She stopped logging in. And you don't know shit about what went on between me and Carol so stay the fuck out of it. ]]
RG: [[ no. She's my friend too. ]]
GR: [[ radio silence from both you and Rick. He texting you? ]]
DD: [[ yeah. He plans to tell Carol he has an open room. You know, so she knows she has "options" ]]
GR: [[ dafuq you say? ]]
DD: [[ I'm seriously about to lose my shit on him. He's such an arrogant ass ]]
GR: [[ he always gets like this when he spends a lot of time around Shane. Apart they are okay, together they've got wonder twin powers ]]
DD: [[ shape of...a giant asshole! ]]
GR: [[ form of...an insufferable prick! ]]
DD: [[ :D ]]
GR: [[ it's going to be fine, you know. She's not going to move in with Rick. ]]
DD: [[ she HAD to get out of there. Ed's a nasty piece of work. I don't care if she never forgives me, hell I don't even care if she moves in with Rick, I'd tell her any fucking thing it'd take to get her away from him. He fucking beat her up. ]]
GR: [[ jesus ]]
GR: [[ you did the right thing ]]
DD: [[ I know I did. You should see the stuff she was saying about herself, how she's a piece of shit, stuff like that. He really fucked her up. I might not be the best thing for her, but I'm sure as fuck better than HIM ]]
GR: [[ I half expected Paul to pop up in here when I said "Jesus" ]]
DD: [[ heh. Me too. ]]
GR: [[ and you'd care at least a little if she moved in with Rick ]]
DD: [[ he's such a prick ]]
9:18 AM
Nerd Club
Abraham: So when's the party?
Daryl: Today is...Thursday? Yes, Thursday. Umm… Saturday? Maybe start drinking around 3 or 4, grilling around 6?
Abraham: That is a good plan, brother.
Tara: When is Carol going to be here? I still can't believe Carol is moving here. THE Carol. She's like my fucking hero. She's fucking amazing.
Daryl: She is. :)
Tara: No, you don't even know. You aren't a chick trying to work in tech. She's took a fucking sledgehammer to the glass ceiling. Did you know that no one can get moved off her team unless they ask to move? She had it written into her fucking contract, every one of you, support, QA, everyone.
Daryl: what?
Glenn: dafuq?
Rick: Seriously? Is that why all of you are so entrenched?
Tara: Yes, I heard it from Deanna. She negotiated it years ago, and then like two years ago set a mandatory percentage for increases for all of you every year and profit-sharing on whatever projects you work on, said you all weren't going to be punished for not pimping yourselves out to a bunch of different teams. So even though she's not a manager, she controls who works on her projects, makes sure no one fucks with you, and then makes it rain for you. She makes like 20% less than any of the other team leads because of it, she leveraged her salary into you guys. You didn't know this?
Daryl: no
Glenn: I had no idea.
Tara: and btw, she actually said that in the meeting with Blake. It's fucking legendary, I swear Olivia would cross-stitch it into a banner for the women's bathroom but Carol doesn't know we all know about this. Olivia could hear her yelling over the speakerphone at Blake in his office, she told him "I'm not going to let them get punished for not pimping themselves out to whatever team is the flavor of the month." And then she told him that if he didn't start hiring more women programmers, engineers, and executives in departments other than Marketing, she was going to start looking into his hiring practices over the last ten years and see what the board thinks of his "lily white sausage fest" in upper management.
Abraham: CAROL SAID THAT? Sweet, demure Carol?
Tara: oh fuck… "demure"? She's a fucking force of nature. I can't believe she's going to work out of Atlanta now. Blake is going to shit himself.
Daryl: this explains so much.
Tara: I'm probably going to go all fangirl on her when I meet her. Do you think she'd be willing to speak at one of my meet-ups? OMG, that would be so fucking fantastic. It would be a HUGE get.
Daryl: Tara, you've talked to her a million times on XBL and at work.
Tara: nuh uh, no I haven't. She stopped logging in like two weeks after I joined, I never got to play with her. I always wondered if it was something I said. And I've never worked on one of her projects, not *yet* at least. I keep trying to get assigned to her but Martinez is afraid to lose another support tech so he refuses to let me work on any of her tickets. Says I'll disappear into the "Bermuda Triangle of Team Carol" and never be seen again by mere mortals. Glenn, you are so fucking lucky you get to work with her. I'm so jealous, I've actually thought about carjacking you and leaving you in the trunk for a few days so Martinez is forced to assign out your tickets.
Glenn: uhh….
Tara: I wouldn't actually do it!
Abraham: wouldn't you?
Tara: well, not now that I've gone and told everyone my plan. Can't have plausible deniability NOW.
Daryl: Tara, don't carjack Glenn. And please don't lock him in any trunks, especially not during the summer. Carol was so happy when you joined the XBL group. And I didn't realize just how important it was to her to have women gamers around. You didn't do anything, she stopped logging in because of me.
Tara: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?
Daryl: I got drunk and said some stuff that made her uncomfortable. :(
Tara: FUCK YOU, DIXON, FOR KEEPING ME AND CAROL APART. WE SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS RIGHT NOW.
Tara: and best friends mean sleep overs and sweaty pillow fights and I'd probably be enjoying a glazed doughnut right now if it wasn't for you. I COULD BE GETTING CAROL POON RIGHT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER
Abraham: dude, I think she's going to cut you
Daryl: Don't I get any credit for getting her to move down here?
Tara: YES ahem Yes. But only if I get quality time with her on Saturday and she starts playing online again. And maybe I happen to see her naked, just by accident? Like you tell me when she's showering and I happen to just pop by and don't realize she's in the bathroom?
Daryl: Saturday, yes. Gaming, yes. You creeping her out with your pervy spying while she's showering? FUCK NO. What is wrong with you?
Tara: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? You should be worshipping her like a goddess, not getting drunk and saying mean things to her.
Daryl: weren't mean things.
Abraham: ears perking up Oh? What else could you have possibly said that would make her uncomfortable?
Eugene: I think he might have told her about his feelings for her. You know, how he's in love with her.
Daryl: …
Daryl: STFU Eugene. I didn't tell her I was in love with her. Honestly, I can't remember what I told her, I was really fucking drunk that night. But it must have been bad because she told me I should ask to switch teams. And I spent the next month living in dread of the phone call from Karen telling me I was going to be moved to another team but apparently that wasn't going to happen unless I asked.
Glenn: umm.
Glenn: I almost hesitate to tell you this… But I know what you said.
Daryl: ?
Tara: what did he say?
Abraham: fuck, man! This is better than Real Housewives. What did he say?
Daryl: Dude.
Glenn: what? I was your fucking roommate. I WAS IN THE ROOM. I kept trying to leave and you wouldn't let me, you kept making faces at me while she was talking like "Can you believe this shit?" And all I could hear was your side of the conversation. It was...really fucked up, man.
Glenn: like I can't unhear that shit.
Tara: WHAT DID HE SAY?
Eugene: I have such a craving for popcorn right now, I think I'm going to go microwave some. Anyone need anything?
Abraham: Grab me a Dr. Pepper while you're in there, and Glenn? ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION.
Glenn: Daryl?
Daryl: shrug go ahead. I don't think finding out I'm an asshole is going to shock anyone here.
Glenn: umm, so you were home, and you had a beer while you were waiting for her to login, and then just kept having more and more of them as you waited, and you were getting super pissed, and then the two of you were texting for awhile, and then all of a sudden you were on the phone with her. I'm going to be paraphrasing here, but you were asking about her husband, and then stuff about him going to strip clubs, and then you said "You said were, like past tense, like I used to be a good thing in your life and now I'm not." And then she said some stuff, and then you told her you were really drunk but you guys needed to talk because you couldn't stand being this angry and sad all the time. Then you told her this wasn't what you wanted, you didn't want to stay away from her.
Glenn: you sure you want me to keep going?
Tara: IF YOU DON'T FINISH THE STORY YOU WILL DIE ALONE IN MY TRUNK WHILE SMALL CHILDREN PLAY NEARBY.
Abraham: FINISH THE STORY
Daryl: fuck. It's bad, isn't it?
Eugene: I really don't do well with cliffhangers, I'm going to vote with Abe on this. But not with Tara because I find her terrifying.
Jesus: You need to finish the story.
Rick: you fucking did it, didn't you? You broke up her marriage.
Daryl: STFU Rick, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Daryl: Go ahead, Glenn. Might as well.
Glenn: sigh okay. You said something about not being able to sleep at night, knowing he was there with her, touching her, and knowing that he was allowed to be with her and she was letting him do things to her. That she probably wanted it, since she married him. That she was his, and that was how it was supposed to be, and it was killing you because you couldn't say or do anything because you had no right to her. She wasn't yours, wasn't ever going to be yours. And she didn't seem to care that you weren't hers.
Glenn: And then she said something and hung up on you, and you put your fist through the wall and I had to take you to the ER because you broke your hand. You texted her when we got back from the hospital, then smashed your phone, and then used my phone to have your number disconnected.
Daryl: Jesus Christ.
Jesus: indeed.
Tara: ...wow
Abraham: dude.
Eugene: that is some Shakespearean-level tragedy right there.
Glenn: I had no idea that the two of you were involved.
Daryl: We weren't. I mean, there was a lot of flirting and shit, but she always shut it down pretty quick. I know that I wanted more, but I didn't realize I ever told her that. It was always just...flirting.
Tara: that's not flirting
Tara: that's epic, unrequited love
Glenn: not sure it was unrequited.
Abraham: and she's moving in with you.
Rick: let's not forget why. Because she left her fucking husband for you. I FUCKING KNEW IT. I KNEW you broke up her marriage.
Glenn: Rick…
Jesus: Jesus, Rick. What is your problem?
Daryl: no. He's right. She just told me yesterday. That's the night she ended it with Ed. But it wasn't "for" me. And he put her in the hospital because of it.
Tara: WHAT?
Glenn: WHAT?
Abraham: WHAT?
Rick: he did what?
Jesus: FUCK
Daryl: I'm not telling you anything else, shouldn't have said that much, but yeah, her ex is a real piece of shit. Definitely a marriage worth saving, Rick. Fuck me for wanting something better for her! And whatever you might think of me, I'd never give her a fucking concussion or break her ribs, so yeah, I'm better for her than that fucking douchebag abuser.
Rick Grimes left the group.
Daryl: asshole.
Tara: So...Saturday, right? Sounds like a plan!
Daryl: I've already emailed Karen, clearly since I'm not at work right now, but I'm going to be taking today and tomorrow off. Got some stuff to do around the house today, and then hopefully I'll be able to spend some time with Carol tomorrow, show her around a bit.
Abraham: that's a good idea. Make sure she's comfortable, gets settled in.
Tara: Just let me know when it's a good time to pop by. You know, if she's taking a shower. Or a bath. Oh. A bath. Yeah. You DO have a bathtub, right?
Daryl: …
Daryl: that's a good reminder though. Girls like taking baths, right? So if I got a bunch of girlie soaps and bath oils and shit, she'd like that?
Tara: YES
Daryl: What else?
Tara: candles. Nice smelling ones. And put some flowers in her room. Nothing fancy, just something pretty in a vase next to the bed.
Abraham: I always love staying in those hotels where they give you warm cookies at check-in. You should do that, have some cookies for her.
Glenn: NICE
Daryl: okay, nice smelling bath stuff. Candles. flowers for her room so she has something pretty to look at. Cookies. Anything else?
Glenn: coffee and coca-cola. She's obsessed with coffee and coke.
Daryl: she is?
Glenn: yes. Calls them her "sweet, dark goddesses"
Tara: ...I wanna be her sweet, dark goddess
Daryl: stay the fuck away from my woman, creeper.
Tara: :D I will, because THAT.
Abraham: me too. :)
Jesus: me three.
Tara: dude, you're gay.
Jesus: so? Carol-Love is genderless.
Tara: true dat
Eugene: I, too, will not interfere in your relationship with Carol. Even though she is a woman I deeply respect, admire, and find myself with erections around quite frequently. And that was only when I knew her by voice.
Glenn: if it weren't for my sweet Maggie, I'd fight you to the death for her, but alas, my love has been given to another.
Daryl: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Rick is not going to respect my prior claim on her.