Nerd Club
1:13 AM
Daryl: {{ image posted }}
Daryl: she's here :)
Glenn: holy crap, that's really her?
Tara: fuck she's beautiful
Glenn: her hair is really silver? I thought that was just the lighting
Tara: she's got a nice rack too
Glenn: she looks like a FF character
Tara: SHE DOES! OMG
Tara: She looks just like Hope Estheim from XIII
Tara: I mean, that's a boy, but still...
Glenn: saying she looks like a 14 year old boy in a Final Fantasy game in no way detracts from her overall prettiness as a grown woman.
Tara: true dat. Most of the men in FF are prettier than the women. If her hair was longer, she could be Kuja.
Glenn: if her hair was longer and she had a penis.
Daryl: she does not have a penis. I'm almost certain of that.
Abraham: But you don't know for sure yet? Get on that, man.
Abraham: in a manner of speaking...
Tara: NO! Don't...
Tara: not yet. Please?
Daryl: ?
Tara: at least not until after Saturday. Give me a fighting chance...
Glenn: HAHAHAHA
Daryl: ...
Abraham: judging from the picture, you have no chance.
Tara: what do you mean?
Abraham: she's sitting on his lap.
Tara: noooooooo...
Daryl: you are correct, sir.
Glenn: but you can't say for sure yet whether she has a penis?
Daryl: no. :(
Jesus: let me try to understand this...you two had a decently intense online flirtation going for a long time. Like a couple years?
Daryl: yessss. But she was married. And kind of like my boss without being my boss.
Abraham: kinky. I like it.
Jesus: you effectively "broke up" and she split with her husband that night.
Daryl: yes...but I didn't know any of that.
Jesus: but you found that out, and that she was in a bad place, and offered her a place to stay if she moved — what? 600+ miles?
Daryl: around 700. Yes.
Jesus: and that was YESTERDAY
Daryl: yes.
Jesus: and she arrived when?
Daryl: around 8-ish?
Jesus: and you took this picture when?
Daryl: around 11-ish...
Jesus: so within 3 hours of arriving and meeting in-person for the first time, she ended up on your lap taking pictures
Daryl: yes.
Jesus: but you're here chatting with us...where is she right now?
Daryl: asleep.
Jesus: she went to bed?
Daryl: not exactly...
Tara: what does that mean?
Glenn: Daryl?
Daryl: {{ image posted }}
Glenn: is that...your shirt?
Daryl: yesss...
Jesus: so she fell asleep
Jesus: on you
Jesus: how long ago?
Daryl: like an hour or so ago...
Jesus: and you took that picture when?
Daryl: like an hour or so ago...
Tara: !
Abraham: umm
Tara: FOR ONCE I'M NOT THE CREEPIEST ONE IN THE ROOM
Jesus: she still there, same position?
Daryl: pretty much. She was really tired, and I didn't want to wake her.
Jesus: so you're chatting with us while this beautiful woman is asleep on top of you, a beautiful woman you've been in love with for years
Daryl: pretty much. :(
Jesus: if I had the authority of my name, I would canonize you.
Jesus: you, sir, are a saint.
Glenn: we're going with "saint"? Because I'd say "pervert" is a better fit
Tara: it really is
Abraham: I'm with them. That's some fucked up shit right there.
Jesus: how so?
Glenn: well, I'm guessing he didn't take the picture with the intent of sharing it with us.
Daryl: no. :(
Glenn: so you really just took it because you wanted a picture of her asleep.
Glenn: on you.
Daryl: yes.
Glenn: and you're giving short answers to everything because you're typing one handed.
Daryl: NOT LIKE THAT
Tara: not yet...
Glenn: no, of course not. Because your other hand is...
Daryl: holding her in place. :(
Daryl: sounds worse than it is.
Abraham: no, I think it sounds just about right.
Tara: I'll be in my bunk...
Jesus: he's a saint because despite everything, all he did was take a picture.
Jesus: vagina or not, I would have been all over that shit
Tara: in a fucking heartbeat
Glenn: but she's hurting and sad and messed up
Tara: and he loves her
Jesus: so he's letting her sleep on top of him and not trying anything
Glenn: giving her all the space she needs
Tara: Daryl, I'd be willing to overlook the presence of your penis if you'd be my boyfriend
Jesus: I'd be more than happy *not* to overlook your penis if you'd be mine
Daryl: hey hey hey, just hold on a sec. who says you could just "overlook" my penis? It's got a pretty fucking obvious presence, okay? There'll be no overlooking it.
Jesus: like I said, I would be more than happy to respect and even celebrate the presence of your penis
Glenn: This is Maggie, and Daryl, you're fucking amazing. I'd dump Glenn for you if I thought I had a chance.
Glenn: still Maggie, and I would not overlook your penis. I've heard enough from Glenn to know that's impossible.
Glenn: thanks...that's just fucking terrific
Jesus: oh jesus. All that mancake wasn't enough, now I have to hear this?
Daryl: "mancake"?
Jesus: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
Tara: you know, a big slice of manliness. With your arms, and your shoulders, and that ass...
Daryl: ...
Tara: I'm gay, I'm not blind.
Daryl: I'm really uncomfortable with this conversation.
Glenn: I'm really fucking uncomfortable right now
Abraham: hey, what does that make me?
Jesus: you're just a big red panda, Abe, and I'd let you climb me like I was bamboo
Abraham: damn right. Daryl's not the only mancake around here
Jesus: definitely not, but Abe? No offense, but you're just a dream fuck. Daryl there is boyfriend material
Abraham: I can live with that.
Tara: all these things: truth
Glenn: Maggie again: agreed.
Daryl: I don't know how I should feel about any of this. I guess I should be flattered?
Jesus: you should feel flattered
Tara: definitely flattered.
Glenn: Maggie: flattered.
Glenn: disturbed
Tara: this is too confusing
Tara Chambler has added Maggie Greene
Tara: there we go.
Maggie: Thank you!
Abraham: I just looked up the red panda. They aren't that big. They are actually smaller than regular pandas.
Jesus: you're a dire red panda?
Abraham: okay, NOW I'm happy.
Maggie: what's a dire red panda?
Glenn: she doesn't play D&D
Glenn: or watch GoT
Tara: we need to fix that
Maggie: dammit, Glenn! I told you not to out me
Glenn: guys, you should know that my girlfriend is a muggle
Maggie: I know what *that* means :(
Tara: don't worry. Maggie, I'll be your guide through nerdom.
Glenn: stay away from her, Tara.
Abraham: if by "guide" you mean you'll make her your prison bitch
Tara: I'M TRYING TO BE NICE TO THE STRAIGHT GIRL
Abraham: Bullshit
Glenn: Bullshit
Daryl: Bullshit
Jesus: Bullshit
Tara: fuck off, all y'all
Maggie: Tara, I'd love for you to guide me through all these new things. I mean, they are familiar, yet different at the same time. Like I know all the parts, but in a different context.
Tara: so you're...curious? About trying new things?
Maggie: oh yes, VERY curious. But not completely new. Like I said, there's some familiarity...I dabbled a bit in college
Tara: oh?
Abraham: go on.
Daryl: you need to explain that, in detail
Maggie: Oh, sure. I played in a LARP for Vampire: The Masquerade once. It was a lot of fun.
Glenn: I fucking love you, Maggie
Tara: you're a fucking tease, Maggie
Daryl: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Abraham: this story is going to end differently when I think about it later...
Jesus: Bless you, my child. That was well played.
Glenn: she still asleep?
Daryl: yup. Out cold. But when I started laughing just now, she gouged me with her nails, so that's a thing...
Abraham: niiiiice
Tara: war wounds!
Daryl: I should probably sign off though.
Maggie: are you going to sleep on the couch all night? Or are you going to carry her up to bed?
Glenn: are you going to be all chivalrous and offer her your bed since the mattress in my old room is so awful?
Daryl: got new ones today
Tara: stay or carry? Answer the question
Glenn: you got new what?
Daryl: don't know, haven't decided. Mattresses
Glenn: you bought her a new bed? More than one?
Daryl: went to buy one for her, discovered it was way more fuckin' comfortable than my bed so I bought one for myself too
Maggie: you bought her a new mattress just so she'd be comfortable? That's it, Glenn, I'm leaving you for Daryl.
Tara: you don't know the half of it.
Maggie: ?
Tara: did you get her flowers?
Daryl: yep, bouquet of her favorite kind in a vase by the bed
Abraham: cookies?
Daryl: yes but never got a chance to make them. She fell asleep.
Glenn: coffee?
Daryl: bought a big espresso machine. The thing is a monster. I had to watch a video to figure out how to use it. Also stocked up on coke.
Tara: smelly bath stuff?
Daryl: yes. :) jasmine and honeysuckle. But she smells fucking amazing without that stuff so I may get rid of it.
Maggie: oh. Oh wow.
Glenn: hey! I helped!
Daryl: you did. It was your dense as shit bones that sunk in the mattress so I had to replace it.
Glenn: and I told you about her sweet dark goddesses
Tara: just reading that gives me a hard on
Maggie: excuse me?
Glenn: Carol loves coffee and coke. Calls them her sweet dark goddesses.
Tara: /fap fap fap fap
Daryl: what is wrong with you?!
Tara: not a damn thing
"Daryl?" Her voice was thick with sleep and she was rubbing at her eyes and it was so adorable he wanted to die right then because he couldn't just kiss her non-stop for the next ten years. She looked up at him from his chest, blinking her big blue eyes and giving him the sweetest, sleepiest smile, and his heart went into overdrive. She didn't notice or chose to ignore it because she rested her chin on his sternum and the arm behind his back gripped him in a tight squeeze, and she gave a contented sigh. "I must still be dreaming. No way you're real." She closed her eyes again and nuzzled her face against him. "I don't want to wake up. Just want to stay with you."
He carefully hit the button to lock his phone screen — no need for Carol to see THAT conversation — and then gingerly brought both arms back around her and tilted his head down, kissing her lightly on the forehead. "I'll still be here when you wake," he rumbled gently, "I promise."
He knew the exact moment when she realized where she was. She hummed contentedly, rubbing her face on his shirt, slid her loose hand up to caress the scruff on his cheek then froze, her fingers barely ghosting his lips. He kissed her fingertips, running his mouth and chin over them, and then kissed them again as she slowly raised her head up from his chest and met his eye.
"Mornin', sunshine," he said softly, smiling at her.
"Oh god, Daryl, I'm so sorry." She looked horrified, snatching her hand back and setting it on his chest, then realizing that she was still touching him somewhat familiarly, folding it against her and letting it rest on her own shoulder. Then she seemed to realize that where her hand was was the least of it because she was still on his lap, but now lying draped across his chest and had been rubbing her face on him up until a moment ago. Her face began to flame up as she tried to peel herself off of him, but his arms were still very much around her and holding her in place.
"Don't be sorry. I'm not sorry. You've been on the road since the wee hours of the mornin' and I'm glad you were comfortable enough here, with me, to fall asleep like that. That's what I want."
"You want to be my pillow?" She asked, one eyebrow cocked and a chagrined smirk on her face.
"And blanket," he said, nodding earnestly. She scrunched her eyes closed and gave a quick shake of her head like she was dislodging an unwelcome thought so he kept the innocent, guileless expression on his face. She cracked open one eye and considered him, then seemed to buy that it was all said with innocent intentions. "You can use me however you want."
Her breath hitched almost imperceptibly — if she hadn't been lying on top of him, he probably wouldn't have known, and he mentally made another hash mark in his Points column. She eyed him for a moment longer, then seemed to accept it again, and hesitantly let her hand fall back onto his chest. "Thank you. It's nice, being this close to someone. To you. I...I like it. I feel...safe." He almost caved in that moment, almost gave away everything he was feeling, everything it was doing to him to be this close to her because it felt shitty to use her fear of her ex to his advantage. But he told himself that wasn't his intention, that may be her reaction but it wasn't his purpose here so he didn't need to confess his feelings like they were a sin.
He resolved to do a bit less of the gaslighting and said, gravely, "You are safe with me. I won't let anyone hurt you, and I will try my damnedest not to hurt you myself. I know I can be a dick sometimes, but I'm not bein' mean. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't say anythin' at all."
"That has got to be the lamest excuse for jackassery I've ever heard. I'm only a dick to you because I like you? Are you in fourth grade?" She was getting fired up, and he loved watching the sparks start going off in her eyes as her voice got louder and snarkier in tone. "Do I need to chase you around the playground and knock you down?"
"Only if that's your excuse to kiss me," he said, grinning at her. "You girls only had one thing in mind back then, and you were all bigger than us boys."
"Yeah, but you spend the rest of your lives punishing us for it." She said, laughing, but then her laughter died as she thought about the truth in that statement but he saw the anxiety start to build again and stopped it.
"Hey, none of that. Not all of us. Some of us liked kissing little girls." He paused. "Wow, out of context that sounds really bad." She started giggling and then just lost it, laughing so hard her eyes were streaming tears and she was rolling around on him clutching her gut and howling. He wished he had the balls to pick up his phone and record this because it was about the most endearing thing he'd ever seen: Carol losing her shit and laughing until she cried over a pedophilia joke. No one would believe him. She kept muttering "kissing little girls" and then losing it again, and he knew it made him a horrible human being but every time she said it, he wanted to rip off her clothes and go down on her until she was screaming his name. Her laughing like that, red faced and out of breath, clutching her gut or holding on to him as she lost all sense of balance, completely lost in her reactions and oblivious to everything else...he was pretty sure this was what she'd look like when she came, and her eyes would glow like this and be just as unfocused, and her limbs would be just as limp with exhaustion afterward, and she'd look up at him with just as much joy as she was doing right now, and he smiled down at how she was now sprawled across him, any self-imposed boundaries out the window, her head lolling against his arm and her ass grinding into his pelvis with every shudder and shake. He thought that he could lean down and kiss her right then, with as much passion as he could pour into it, and she wouldn't fight it at all, she'd give in to the moment and her own impulses, and he could finally have a taste of what he'd been longing for most of his adult life.
But he held back.
This was too important to blow it by moving too fast, too soon. He might get what he wanted now, they might even end up fucking like rabbits, but in the morning she'd second-guess everything and he never wanted to be something she'd regret. Instead, he scooped her back up in his arms and stood up, smiling down on her, and carried her up the stairs to her room where he deposited her on the bed. He ignored how her hands were reaching for him, and leaned in to give her a chaste peck on the forehead. "Sleep tight. I'll see you in the mornin'." He stood back, pretending not to notice the confused and hurt look on her face, and said, "I took tomorrow off to get you settled in and show you around. And if you're okay with it, I invited a bunch of people over on Saturday to grill out and spend some quality time with you. That okay?"
"Sure," she said, quietly, bracing herself up on her elbows, and he could tell she was on the verge of tears, so he stepped back to the doorway and shook his head at her.
"Don't think I don't want to be right there beside you...Fuck...No, I want nothing more than to be right there on top of you, Carol, but that's not what you want, not really, despite what you're feelin' right now. This ain't me rejectin' you, not by any means. It's taking everythin' I got to stay over here. I won't do anythin' that's going to make you uncomfortable in your own home. I'm lettin' you set the boundaries, but I hope you'll keep in mind how...difficult it is for me to walk away right now." He left the room and shut the door, the hungry look on her face too much for him to resist any longer, and he thought he might have heard "then don't" very faintly. He had to fight every instinct in him that wanted to step back through that door and ravage her like a goddamn Viking. That was the second time in less than an hour that the impulse to go primal and take her like a fucking caveman almost won out over good sense and the trappings of civilization, and it would frighten him if what little blood remaining outside of his throbbing hard-on wasn't already boiling with lust and fleeing the thought-center thing inside his skull.
He flew down the stairs, skipping most of them, snatched up his phone and fled to the porch, flipping on the ceiling fan but leaving all the lights off. He lit a smoke with shaking hands and unlocked his phone, skipping the group chat and texting Glenn.
DD: [[ I don't know if I can do this. ]]
GR: [[ What do you mean? What happened? Did you guys get into another fight? ]]
DD: [[ I WISH. No, she woke up, then got all adorable, then started laughing her ass off at some terrible thing I said, and ended up rolling all over me and looking up at me like she wanted nothing more in the world than for me to kiss her. ]]
GR: [[ What did you do? ]]
DD: [[ I carried her up to her bed and kissed her on the forehead, then walked away. But not before telling her that my fondest wish right then was to fuck her senseless because she thought I was rejecting her and was about to cry. ]]
GR: [[ how'd she take that? ]]
DD: [[ me wanting to fuck her? By asking me to stay. ]]
DD: [[ THIS IS KILLING ME. ]]
GR: [[ You did the right thing. ]]
DD: [[ I fucking know that. That doesn't make it easier. ]]
GR: [[ This is Maggie. You did the right thing. ]]
DD: [[ /sigh Hi Maggie. Just so I know, do you read everything Glenn gets? ]]
GR: [[ I don't know, maybe? I mean, I'm reading this because his phone dinged right in the middle of foreplay and he didn't even hesitate to pick it up, so I figured if you were going to cockblock me at least I should get to see what's going on. ]]
DD: [[ Glenn, you dumbass! I can't believe you answered your phone ]]
GR: [[ My friend is going through a rough time and could be in crisis. Of course I had to answer you. Besides, Maggie is insatiable, and this is the third time TODAY. I'm not a fucking machine. You texting me was like a union worker getting their mandatory 15 minute break. Yeah, I said it, Maggie. Your constant need for sex is making me think I need a labor negotiator to set some goddamn limits on your demands. ]]
DD: [[ dude. ]]
GR: [[ whatever. She hit me and locked herself in the bathroom. Maybe she'll take advantage of the shower massager and I'll get a night off. ]]
DD: [[ dude. ]]
GR: [[ look, I know how fucking lucky I am, okay? And normally I'm the best goddamn worker in the union, but sometimes I really just want to cuddle. Sometimes I want to kiss my girlfriend in public without having to worry about getting groped or dragged into her childhood bedroom to get a blow job while lying in a pile of stuffed animals. While her dad is downstairs watching NASCAR. ]]
DD: [[ okay, that's fair. ]]
DD: [[ I didn't think it was possible, but you managed to distract me enough that I'm no longer on the verge of kicking in her door and jumping her bones. I think I can last through the night, so thank you for planting that image of you getting a hummer surrounded by teddy bears and pretty dollies. That's going to be my go-to boner killer for a long time. ]]
GR: [[ you're welcome. And "jumping her bones"? What are you, one of the Mad Men? ]]