The twin stars etched onto her back would be easily identifiable to anyone who had ever studied the heavens. But the real meaning on the star on the right was a secret to only those who had come to Neverland. He had insisted on giving her the tattoo himself, though he was not the most skilled tattoo artist on the ship. But the idea of anyone else seeing her nude back made the centers of his irises pulse an unmistakable crimson. She was happy that she had taken the pain well, it made her confident. That night they had debuted their romance to the crew by joining them for their nightly entertainment of food, drink, song and dance. None of the crew seemed particularly surprised at the possessive hand of the captain's at Wendy's waist. The two had been circling each other for months, it seemed the only logical outcome. They were happy however to see that the sadness had finally left their sole woman on board. She spun in her lovers arms to the lighthearted tunes played by the crew late into the evening until Hook had whispered into her ear his need. She went happily and willingly.
Their first argument happened only two days later when Wendy insisted upon returning to work in the kitchen.
"There is no need." James replied curtly to her announcement.
"When I came here I made an agreement with you. Work for shelter. Have you forgotten?"
"That was, before." He gestured at her angrily.
"Before what? Is it to be sex for shelter now?" She retorted, enraged.
"You know that is not what I mean. I believe it was you who insisted upon the work part. You would have always had harbor here no matter what you chose to do."
"Would you have me dress in the finery that you have in that closet and forget all the hard work that I have done these last months? Is that what you want me dripping in jewels?!"
"The gowns would certainly make you more visually appealing than your trousers. As far as jewelry is concerned my dear, no I actually don't believe that bedecking yourself in gems would suit you."
"Says the man with more gaudy items in that closet than the average duchess."
He snorted at her comment but already the heat was fading from their argument.
"Darling the only ring I would see you in would be one I would give you in promise of forever." He absentmindedly ran his thumb along her left ring finger.
"I have never been one for diamonds." She smiled at him. "I would much prefer something like this." She touched the small signet ring he wore on his pinky. The only jewelry he ever wore.
"You are so much more deserving than of this little piece of brass. I would steal the Mountain of Light from Krishna himself if I thought it would bring you happiness."
His words softened her and she linked her fingers with his. "Please James, I want to pull my own weight here. It is important to me."
As quickly as she had softened so did he. "How can I deny you anything?"
She went back to work the following day. Cecco was surprised at that. After sputtering about not expecting her he put her to work peeling potatoes. Wendy couldn't help but notice that the barrel was only half as full as she was used to seeing.
Seeing her questioning looks at the barrel he finally volunteered. "It's getting harder to come by supplies. Parts of the island are freezing. But we will make due." And that was the last they spoke of it.
Days ran into weeks and a new routine formed. Days of work as she was use to, blissful nights with James and punctuations of rage when one of them let their tempers get the better of them. But she found herself loving the arguments, they were the one time where a dark whisper at the back of her mind disappeared altogether. All other times it was there, threatening to make its way to the front of her mind. Besides, the fights promised reconciliations that made her blood thrum in anticipation.
Something was still wrong. She could never put her finger on it, but it nagged at her like a shard of ice still remaining in her heart. She was happy, at least as happy as she now believed she could be. She paced about the deck. She had taken to walking in the wee hours of the morning when this unfamiliar ache was upon her. She would sneak from the warm confines of her lovers' arms to face the even increasing cold that was overtaking Neverland. There was something missing. As much as she cared, as much as she loved, it was not enough to rid her of the small sliver of sadness that remained with her daily.
It was so cold. The day the sea finally froze over completely there was a silence that permeated the ship. No one ever spoke about the changes as if speaking the problems out loud would suddenly make them real. The one real comfort was James. Cooking with Cecco over the dwindling supply of food kept her busy but the only times she was able to shut out the storms both in and outside of herself was when she was with him.
A few days ago she had overheard Smee talking to Hook. "P'haps it's time we leave Cap'tin?" He said nervously.
"Unfortunately I believe the time for that has come and gone Smee. Better to put your mind to other things and see what might come to pass."
But she could see the worry in his eyes. Their love making had become more urgent, more passionate lately. As if he was afraid that it might be the last time. But still they never spoke of it. Up and down she paced, looking to the stars for answers. She had a terrible feeling that if she wanted to she could stop this winter.
She was so entrenched in her thoughts she almost didn't hear it. A small sound, one that was hardly identifiable caught her attention. She turned to see Slightly perched on the rail watching her. His presence was so unexpected and foreign on the Jolly Roger she could not speak. Long moments passed, hers of surprise and his of sadness. He was the one to finally break the silence.
"Hello Wendy."
He was so changed from the happy friend that has once shown her the new home he had carved for her in the Nevertree it brought a tear to her eye. He was thinner and though she knew that time here was once again frozen he seemed as if he had aged a lifetime. His shoulders sagged and the circles etched under his eyes spoke of many sleepless nights. She clutched the captain's coat closer to her, feeling the cold in a way she had been too selfish to feel before.
"Peter?" She breathed, the pain of the name ripped at her soul. As much as she fought it, he had a hold deeper on her than she ever could have imagined.
"Still alive, as of yet." He shrugged. "At least he was last I saw him."
"What do you mean?"
"Well you see, he leaves so often, it's hard to tell if this will be the time he doesn't come back."
"I don't understand Slightly." She was confused and his riddled explanations were frustrating.
"He's searching Wendy. He's trying to do the one thing he can do to make you happy. He's trying to find the way home."
"What?" She gasped in genuine shock. Hook had told her how dangerous and taxing traveling through the skies could be when you did not know the way. And a path hidden as hers was, was practically suicide.
"Is that why?" She gestured uselessly around her.
"Yes, every time he stays gone a little longer and a little more of the island, I don't know how to explain it, dies? Nothing is growing anymore, people are suffering. I am afraid Wendy, I don't know what will happen if he doesn't come back."
"How can he do this? Doesn't he know how it is affecting everyone? How can he be so selfish?!" She exclaimed, genuine anger colored her cheeks despite the icy temperature.
His look could only be described as pity. "It isn't selfishness Wendy. Don't you understand? He DOESN'T care about anything else, not even himself. All he cares about, is you. He will let it all die, as long as he can get you home. He has convinced himself that that is the only thing he can do to make up for his crimes. So no matter the cost, this is all for you."
At that moment it all made sense. The missing part of her, the feeling of loss and confusion notwithstanding her happiness. It was him. After everything, she loved him. She could not explain it, she wasn't sure if it could be, but she loved him. And no matter how deeply she could love another it would never compare to the one she currently did not possess. His love for her echoed her own. She had frozen on the inside, his freezing had just been much more public. And though she had found a source of heat to warm her she would never truly be thawed away from him. Peter, her Peter.
"I will see him." Her voice was akin to the membrane of a moth's wing.
Relief washed over his features. It was obvious by his coming here that she was their last hope.
"He is at the lake, I will give you time, to…" His voice faded unsure of how to finish his sentence.
"Yes, thank you. I will need some time."
"Of course, I won't keep you." The civil politeness of their conversation made her want to scream. How could they both talk so calmly when a storm had erupted in her mind? Was she to break part of her heart forever to be able to make it whole? How could so much pain promise happiness? He left then, flying slowly toward the Never Tree after giving her one last look of condolence.
Wendy walked to the cabin that had become her home. Dread coursed through her begging her limbs to change direction. She would give nearly anything in the world not to have to have this conversation. What could she possibly say to the man that had brought her back from the dead that wouldn't sound shallow? How could she make him understand that as much as she cared for him, even as much as she loved him, she was, had been, and would always be tied to the man who had taught her to fly? The door opened silently but she knew better than to think he would not know she had entered. Despite the hour he stood partially dressed at the window staring out upon the frozen bay. The ink black hair spilled over his shoulder having slipped from its tie. He was so regal, so refined that it hurt her heart. How could someone love someone so much yet know she must leave him.
She couldn't see his face but something in his stance told her he knew, not that that would make this any easier.
"I must leave." She whispered.
"Must." He murmured to the pane of glass. "Such a final word, filled with such, responsibility."
"James." She began, searching for a speech that would lessen the heartbreak for them both.
He turned then and all of her carefully chosen words evaporated from her mind. The haunted look of loss etched in his face mirrored her own so precisely she could not continue. To her shame she hung her head to let the tears flow down her cheeks.
"Now now darling," he said coming to her and folding her into his arms. "None of this. I knew from the moment I first kissed you on the deck that I had but borrowed time with you."
Silence stretched between them like a chasm.
"I love you." She choked finally through her sobs.
"And I you. Always."
They stood like this for a long while, engulfed in one another's misery. Wendy's tears slowed until all that remained were the briny paths etched from her eyes. He felt her relax slightly. A small, sad smile found its way into the corners of his mouth.
"At least this should end this cursed cold. That might final cease the infernal grousing of the men." He said lightly.
"I do believe I know someone whose grumbling would put all of the crew to shame." She smirked into his chest.
He pulled back in mock outrage. "You wound me my dear, I am after all, a man of feeling."
The gazed into each other's eyes. Habitually he reached out to tuck a stray curl of hair behind her ear. She caught his hand against her cheek and leaned into his touch inhaling deeply. She would memorize his scent to keep with her forever. At least she would have a part of him. As if reading her thoughts her slide his hand from her face and removed his signet ring and slid it onto her finger.
"I will have no progeny, it is only fitting that you keep this now."
Wendy began to protest but the sincerity in this gesture stayed her challenge. He kissed her then without warning. It was deep and pure and spoke of a life they could have had together had her heart not belonged to someone else. In spite of her efforts tears once again flowed freely and by the time they parted she was once again weeping freely. He took her hand in his and gently traced the veins with his hook and then outlined his seal on his ring. He brought her fingers slowly to his mouth and ghosted a kiss across her knuckles.
"Goodbye, Wendy Darling."
"Goodbye James."
She left quickly then, not daring to look at his for fear her resolve would finally break. She fled to the railing at the stern of the ship as the sun weakly attempted to raise in the each. The light dusting of snow crunched under her shoes as she ran. Summoning her courage for the flight toward the doomed island she allowed herself one last look back. The sails were tied tight but the rigging swung slightly in the breeze. Besides her footprints there was no sign of life aboard the vessel. Her exhalations came in great puffs of white as the frigid air frosted her eyelashes with each breath. She drug in one last strangled whimper through her regret and then bringing the one happy thought she could muster, the image of her brothers safe and well, to her mind her feet raised from the deck boards and away she flew.
Hook watched her form shrink toward the shoreline until she was swallowed by the trees from his cabin window. Methodically he went to his door and locked it and then moved to the fire. He contemplated the flames for a time before collapsing to the floor. Then Captain James Hook cried for the first time since his childhood.