AN: Alright. I have decided that I need to warn everyone that this story will have an obsessive amount of YAOI. I like yaoi and the girls I am writing this fic for like yaoi. Therefore expect lots of it in future chapters. Also, in case you haven't noticed, some of my chapters are serious while others make no sense whatsoever. So I have classified this story as 'SERIOUSLY CRACKED'. Like it? I LMAOed when it hit me at 1:35am. Let's see…as I stated chapters ago, no pairing is safe in this story as they will change from time to time. The major pairings that have been hinted at may very well end up together at the very END of the story but for right now, these characters got a little bit of running around to do. Oh and there's one pairing that I know for sure won't last because Jessica says so. Now then. You may continue if you wish.

Both Harry and Naruto quickly dressed and headed down to the dungeons. When the arrived, they were surprised to see that Sasuke, Neji and Malfoy were already there sitting quietly. Neji and Sasuke were sitting next to each other while Malfoy was on the opposite side of the room. He was playing with his wand, spinning it around on the desk as if he hadn't a care in the world. Neji and Sasuke however couldn't have looked more sour. Harry and Naruto took seats behind Sasuke and Neji leaving Malfoy all alone on the other side of the room. All was quiet was the next five minutes as they patiently awaited Professor Snape. Snape entered the room his usual loud and obnoxious way, the dungeon door slamming wide open.

"He always has to make an entrance," Harry muttered. Snape turned to face the guys his expression more bored than usual.

"Alright you delinquents. I haven't the time to deal with hormonal teenagers. As a result I have decided to give you all a fairly easy punishment. I want you all to list two good things about each person in here. Then when you're done, I want you to write me a paper telling me why you think Potions is the greatest subject in the world. If you don't want to do that, you can dust all the trophies in the trophy room. Now get started. I'll be back when I feel like it." He quickly left the room slamming the door behind him. The room was silent for several seconds, the tension in the room steady building. Finally Naruto broke the silence.

"Oh gee. I can't sit here and not talk. We're all being stupid. Let's just write some BS so we can get up out of here."

"Well said Naruto," Neji replied. He whipped out a quill and began listing the names. Harry, Sasuke, and Draco just sat their thinking. Neither one really had anything good to say about one another. Sasuke didn't really know Harry but he knew he hated Malfoy. Same could be said for Harry. As for Draco, he really didn't care much for either of them though…he had to admit that he kind of…sort of…admired Neji. Maybe it was because he seemed different or maybe it was because the fire in his eyes earlier struck a fear he'd never felt before. Either way, he at least had something nice to say about one of them.

"What are you staring at?" Neji asked. The question took Malfoy by surprise because he didn't realize that he'd been staring at the brown haired shinobi. And he was surprised to see that his hair was no longer tied back. It was hanging freely highlighting his face beautifully.

"Uh…certainly not you," he managed before averting his eyes to his own piece of parchment.

"Whatever."

"Say Neji? I think Malfoy's been fantasizing about you," Harry teased. The guys all burst out laughing gaining an evil glare from the Byakugan user.

"Yeah right."

"Yeah well better you than me," Sasuke muttered.

"I HEARD THAT!" Malfoy yelled. "And Sasuke, you're hardly worth fantasizing about. Dark hair is so last season."

"Why you…"

"Calm down Sasuke. Like you said earlier, he isn't worth the bother," Neji stated calmly. They all settled down and got back to making their lists. All of them were able to come up with good things about each other except Draco, Harry, and Sasuke.

"Dammit this is hard," Sasuke muttered.

"What are you having trouble with?" Harry asked.

"Well…I don't know you all that well so I was thinking maybe you can tell me something good about you and vice versa."

"Uh…alright. I'm pretty good at the Dark Arts."

"Alright. Cool. I'm a great leader of a clan in my village." Both Naruto and Neji snickered at this making the raven haired shinobi frown.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Oh nothing," Naruto grinned.

"Besides the fact that you're the last surviving member of that clan," Malfoy said dryly. That did it. Sasuke was halfway across the room before any of the others could react. He grabbed Malfoy's shirt pulling him to a standing position.

"For your information blondie, I am not the last surviving member of my clan. I have a brother who can kill anybody just by looking at them and you know what, I'm the same way." He flashed his Sharingan eyes and then he flashed his second pair.

"Sa…Sasuke let him go will ya? You know Lady Tsunade will freak if you kill him," Naruto pleaded. Sasuke glanced over at Naruto and sighed.

"Fine. This prick's not worth my time. I guess it's true what they say about gay guys in this dimension." He started back across the room and noticed that Harry was frowning.

"What did you mean by that?" he asked.

"That all of them act like little girls."

"Normally I'd side with you since I don't care for Malfoy too much but you couldn't be more wrong. I'm gay but I'm no girl."

"Yeah well, like I said earlier, I don't know you and I can only base my opinion on what I've seen so far. So far I've seen nothing but little blonde bitches," he shrugged.

"Hey I'm no bitch!" Malfoy growled, his voice dangerously low.

"Yeah. Whatever blondie." Sasuke took his seat next to Neji and began listing things about Naruto and Neji. He was unaware of the angry glare he was getting from both Malfoy and Harry. Harry being the hot head that he was hated it when people said things that were untrue about him. I'll fix him…

"Say Naruto, would you agree with Sasuke that I'm a little bitch?" Malfoy snickered at this and turned his attention to the other side of the room. This ought to be good.

"Uh…I…why are you asking me?" he stammered. "I really don't want to get in the middle of this." Naruto was done making his list and had already begun writing his paper. Sasuke chose to stay silent because he really wasn't in the mood to argue with Harry.

"I'm asking you because you're one of the few who would know." Sasuke's hand began to shake as he gripped his quill. What the hell does he mean by that?

"Well…I…don't know about that," Naruto stammered.

"Oh come on Naruto. Don't be bashful. We had fun didn't we? In the shower?"

"I…well…"

"Harry, where exactly are you going with this?" Neji asked. "Not that really care but I'd like to be out of the line of fire if you're trying to start a fight."

"I'm not trying to start a fight. I just thought that Naruto here could help clear a few things up for the Uchiha here. Not all of us gay guys are little girls. I'm practically more man than any of you could possibly handle." Neji made a sound that came out partly as a laugh while Sasuke just continued to shake furiously.

"Um…Harry that's enough. I think we should get back on task so we can get out of here," Naruto said nervously. The tension in the room was so thick that Naruto hardly dared to breath.

"Fine. I'll let it go. I don't need to prove myself to anyone else, right Naruto?" He leaned over and licked the blonde's cheek making him blush.

"Ha…Harry don't…" But he didn't let up. He pulled the blonde closer nipping at his neck while he slowly slid his arms up Naruto's white tee.

"Mmm…I don't think I'll ever get enough of you," he whispered. Draco's eyes went wide with surprise as he watched the scene before him. Is Harry…is he serious? Neji turned around and when he saw what was going down his draw dropped as well. He cut a sidelong glance at Sasuke who was still just holding onto that quill.

"Sa…Sasuke, you might wanna…" But Sasuke ignored him. He slowly stood to his feet and smiled.

"I'll be back." He slowly marched across the room towards Malfoy who was practically drooling at the sight before him. Sasuke slapped him in the face angering the blonde. He stood to his feet, now toe to toe with the Uchiha.

"What the hell was that for?" Sasuke just smirked before wrapping his arms around Malfoy capturing his lips in a kiss. Neji's jaw just dropped and he almost fell backwards from the shock.

"Oh…oh my…" he stammered.

Harry had already practically rid Naruto of his shirt as it had been pulled all the way up to his chest. He stopped the assault on the blonde to see what the fuss was all about. When he saw Sasuke and Draco, he could feel his face starting to flush. Sasuke had Malfoy against the wall, kissing his neck and sliding his hands over his chest. His robe had been tossed aside and Malfoy was gripping the back of Sasuke's shirt, needful moans escaping his throat. Neji looked over at Naruto and he seemed just as confused as Harry. But the main thing he noticed about Naruto was that there was also a slight hint of hurt in his expression. Neji cursed under his breath before storming across the room towards them. He pulled Sasuke away from Malfoy and pushed him against a nearby table.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Neji hissed.

"I was just showing Harry that I'm a much better lover than he could ever hope to be."

"Oh my god. You guys are so childish! Let it go. Now come back over here and finish your work so we can get the hell up out of here."

"You know what? All of a sudden I'm kind of liking detention."

"Yeah well I'm not so can you please…"

"I accept," he grinned. He gripped Neji's arms tossing him on the table. He quickly covered Neji's body and began planting slow, lingering kisses on his neck.

"Sasuke! Get…off…of…me! I'm not even gay!" he hissed.

"Who cares?" Sasuke grinned. "Besides, if you play along then I believe some things will come to light," he whispered. Neji frowned at this but then let out a sigh. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke and let him have at it.

Meanwhile Draco just stood there shaking nervously. He watched Neji respond to all of Sasuke's touches and half wished it was him on top…or bottom for that matter. He looked across the room and saw that Harry was staring at him but he couldn't quite read the expression on his face. A part of him wished he could run over to him and apologize for how things had ended between them but he also knew that they could never be together. It won't change anything…even if I did apologize. Plus, he's with the blonde now so he could care less about me. Draco's thoughts were interrupted when Neji suddenly flipped Sasuke over on the desk. He grinned playfully as he slid his tongue all around Sasuke's neck. Draco got hard just watching the two of them.

"Alright. I've had about enough of this," Harry grumbled. He stormed across the room with every intention of going off on Sasuke but a pair of hands stopped him. He turned around to see Draco staring back at him.

"You…don't…just let them alone."

"And why should I? He's trying to make me look like a fool and I won't let him!"

"Harry, can you for once put your ego aside?" Draco yelled.

"Ego? My ego? What the hell…?"

"I think what's really bothering you is that he made out with me."

"What?! Get real Malfoy. I couldn't care…"

"Yes you do. You care and you know it. You and I just broke it off not too long ago so you mean to tell me that it didn't bother you in the slightest to see another man touch me like that?" Neji stopped his assault on Sasuke and both boys turned their attention to the scene before them.

"I knew something was up," Sasuke gloated. "You two…I've seen the way you cut your eyes at one another and although Malfoy's been eyeing Neji like candy lately, it still doesn't compare to the looks you two give each other."

"This is none of your business Sasuke," Harry snapped.

"Yeah well its my business when my best friend becomes the middle man." Sasuke climbed off the desk and walked up to Harry. He lowered his voice to barely a whisper so that only Harry could hear him. "It's always my business when it concerns Naruto. I trust you'll do well to remember that."

The doors of the dungeon suddenly flew open and in walked Professor Snape. He stopped short when he suddenly sensed the weird tension in the room.

"Well…it seems that you all are finally getting along." As he studied the boys more closely he couldn't help but turn up his nose in disgust. "Maybe…a little too much," he added. "Anyway, you're all dismissed. I expect better behavior out of you all in the future. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm running behind as is." Snape quickly hurried out of the room leaving the boys behind. Neji was in no mood for anymore weirdness so he was the first to take his leave.

"Wait Neji. I'm…coming with you," Naruto said softly. He grabbed his quills and started out the door.

"Wait! Naruto wait!" Sasuke ran after him only to be stopped by Neji.

"Are you really going to go there with him tonight Sasuke? He's hurting you know."

"Neji…please. I have to…"

"Fine but don't yell at him." Neji moved away and let Sasuke run after Naruto. Meanwhile, he decided to stick around to see what would become of Malfoy and Harry. He used his Byakugan to watch from behind as statue so he wouldn't be seen.

"What did you with Naruto?" Draco asked.

"Nothing."

"Yeah right. You wouldn't have brought it up if you did nothing."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was just trying to get a rise out of the Uchiha?"

"Maybe but I can always tell when you're lying and you are lying now."

"Well so what if I am? What's it to you what I do with the blonde? You dumped me remember?"

"Yeah well its not like I wanted to. You know my father would freak if he knew. Plus, I know you hated hiding our relationship from your friends and I hated hiding it as well. My father…I suppose he suspected that you and I were involved. He practically threatened to disown me if I ever got caught. I…As much as I care about you Harry, you haven't the slightest idea how it feels to be me. Being a Malfoy…my father cares more about our reputation than my feelings. I'm sorry I…I'm sorry for the way things ended but I had no choice."

"You had no choice?" he scoffed. "I'm out of here."

"No, Harry please!"

"NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME! I…I gave you my heart Draco. I let you get inside my head and then one day you took control of me. You threw me on your bed and made love to me. Like a fool, I let you have me knowing full well of the risk I was taking. Sometime after I could remember thinking to myself that maybe someday we could tell everyone about us and reunite two sides in the wizarding world. The Malfoy name would surely have lots of influence and me being me…a lot of things could have changed if we could have just taken a stand. But you…when I look at you, all I see…is a coward."

"But Harry….it's…IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE! YOU ACT LIKE VOLDEMORT'S BACK!"

"Maybe he's not, but even if he was, where would your loyalties lie? Would they lie with me? The boy you claim to love? Or would they lie with your father?"

"You're not being fair Harry."

"I think I am."

"What now Harry? We both know we still care for each other. Are we just going to keep ignoring these feelings, going about our everyday lives pretending that we don't exist?"

"I could care less what you do. I've found me someone else and the funny thing is, I think I could really grow to love him. I already care about him more than I should and I can't believe I grew to care so much in so little time."

"Naruto."

"That's right."

"Didn't you catch the hint? Naruto belongs to Sasuke. They're in love with one another just like you and…"

"NO! Just…stop it." Harry grabbed his things and stormed out of the dungeon. An equally pissed Malfoy followed shortly after muttering curse after curse under his breath. Neji just leaned back against the wall to take in what he'd just witnessed. So that's the deal with those two. I never would have guessed. Sasuke was right. I wonder how this will all play out in the future. I don't think Harry's realized it yet but if he wants Naruto he's going to have to fight for him… Neji waited until both boys had entered their perspective dorms before heading up the stairs.

Meanwhile…

"Naruto wait. Please…please talk to me."

"Why don't you go and talk to Malfoy or Neji? I'm sure they'd be thrilled," he mumbled.

"Naruto, come on now. We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. You and I aren't really friends. We're comrades and rivals. Nothing more nothing less." The words from Naruto hit him like a knife and he felt kind of sad all of a sudden.

"Na…Naruto. Do you really feel that way?"

"Go away Sasuke. Your constant questions about my feelings are starting to annoy me."

"But I do care! I want to know how you feel!" Naruto stopped at the staircases that led to each wing. He started up his side but Sasuke grabbed his wrist. "Naruto!"

"You really want to know how I feel?"

"Yeah. I…I really wanna know?"

"Humiliated." That was all he said before slowly climbing the stairs to Gryffindor tower. Sasuke's heart got a little heavier as he watched his friend. When Naruto was finally inside, he began the long truck up the opposite side. Humiliated. Naruto felt humiliated and it was all his fault. He never should have kissed those other guys but it was for his own good. He'd overheard Malfoy talking about Harry and he saw the way they looked at each other in class. Even though he did it mostly for himself, he needed Naruto to see that he was not the only guy Harry had eyes for. Dammit! Sasuke sat down on the floor in hall to think. Things would be a whole lot simpler if he could just bring himself to tell Naruto his true feelings but…he just wasn't sure how to do it and he was afraid.

"You look like you could use a drink." He looked up to see two red heads staring down at him. They had broad grins across their faces and both had a handful of goodies.

"Uh…you have no idea. Who are…?"

"I'm Fred."

"I'm George."

"And we're probably going to get into trouble in the morning but have a drink…"

"Or two or three…"

"And all your problems will soon go free," they ended in unison. Sasuke took the drink but before he could drink it someone slapped it away from him.

"Do NOT drink that. In fact, I highly recommend you exercise caution when taking anything from these two."

"Oh come on Ginny. It was only a sleeping drought," Fred…or maybe George groaned.

"Yeah. Right. Off to bed you two." She grabbed the two of them and practically dragged them away, scolding them with each step. Sasuke just shook his head before starting inside the common room. Never a dull moment around here…

AN: I split this chapter into two parts because quite frankly 14 pages is long enough. The chapter after Part II will spotlight our favorite hokage. Why? Because I like her. Oh and expect the twins to do something stupid in the next chapter. As such the search Orochimaru and a cure for the kit will begin. Also, I'll bring the Bulgarian students in at some point. I might kill off the veela girls. I never really cared for them all that much. On and another thing, don't let the yaoi throw you off because there's some funny stuff coming up dealing with straight pairings in the next chapter. It's a bunch of them which means there may be a part three. But anyway...

Neji: "But I like girls. Just because everyone else don't doesn't mean I have to suffer."

Me: "Um…didn't you kiss Sasuke?"

Neji: "He kissed me."

Me: "I didn't see you complaining too much."

Neji: "Like I had much of a choice in the matter. He jumped me!"

Sasuke: "Don't put all the blame on me. You flipped me over on the table and…"

Naruto: -sigh-

Harry: -scoots next to Naruto- "Don't mind them. I'll pay you some attention."

Sasuke: "LIKE HELL YOU WILL!"

Ino: "Good grief. If they are fighting like that now then it's going to be really bad later when a certain Bulgarian takes an interest in someone."

Neji: "Huh? What do you mean?"

Ino: "Oh nothing. And man, I can't wait to see someone's face when someone beats someone else to the punch. I should get a cam corder for this!" runs off to get cam

Sasuke: "What the hell is she talking about Nefatiri?"

Me: "Um…" -ignores Sasuke- "That's all for now folks! R & R and the next chapter should be up before the month is out. LOL"