Angst angst angst!

Chapter 10 – Freefall

Rodney sat in the chair in the Control Room feeling completely spent. He had once again completed the impossible and in record time. No one else on Atlantis would have been able to shut down the gate shield as fast as he just did.

Everyone was relying on him and seemed to be disregarding how badly hurt he was. While Beckett had already signed off most of the science team; McKay was the only one available and everyone had been heaping the pressure on the injured scientist almost to breaking point.

He now felt utterly useless whenever he was forced to fix the Lantean systems. Having to resort to tearing Atlantis apart in order to help people. He reasoned that he was doing the best job he could with no support, but it still hurt his heart whenever he had to damage the Ancient technology.

He looked down at the floor in the Gateroom where Dr Li was lying and Lorne was supporting the injured marine.

Teyla and Weir ran down the steps to help.

He had not been fast enough last time and Sheppard and Perkins were in the infirmary because of that.

This time he had yet again been too slow and people would hold it against him forever. They would lose sight of how he continued to work through gritted teeth and the encircling and constant pain of his ribs and side. Now two more people were headed down to the infirmary because of him. Dr Li's life in particular hung in the balance.

He could usually deal with being pushed to the limit by the impossible and unreasonable demands placed on him from every side. But this time he was in pain and it drove through his fragile defences, more effectively grinding him down when combined with the huge amounts of stress.

He decided he needed a few minutes alone. Selfishly perhaps, but he would stay on the radio if anyone needed him.

He walked down the stairs in the Gateroom and glanced over at Dr Li, where there was a pool of blood forming under her on the floor. Looking down at the ground near his feet, Rodney walked away.

Ronon sat next to Sheppard in the infirmary. The shield around Dr Zelenka had lowered by itself before Ronon had even got there. The scientist decided to carry on working in his lab to trace the source of the malfunctions, although even he was beginning to agree with McKay that it was a futile exercise.

Sheppard still felt the cold in his fingertips and toes, but Carson was doing an excellent job to raise his temperature back to normal after his near freezing.

Dr Perkins was in the bed next to him with his eyes wide open as he stared at the ceiling.

Sheppard frowned at him and turned to Ronon, "How's McKay?"

"Don't know. Last I saw he was heading to the Gateroom with Teyla. Something about an attack on Dr Li's team."

Sheppard became more alert at this news, "Major Lorne was leading that team."

Perkins turned his head to look at them and shifted uncomfortably under the blankets.

Ronon tapped his radio, "Ronon to Teyla. Report."

"The shield was active. Dr McKay was able to deactivate it, but two people have been injured. One seriously. We are heading to the infirmary now."

Sheppard was also listening on his radio, "And Rodney? He didn't look very well a minute ago."

There was a pause and then Teyla's reply came, "Sorry Colonel. I am not sure where he is. Last I knew he was in the Gateroom, but I have been helping Dr Beckett with the wounded."

Sheppard was about to call Rodney when the two injured people were wheeled into the infirmary. Teyla was standing with Carson's medical staff holding aloft a bag of fluids connected to Dr Li.

The arrow in her chest was surrounded by blood stained bandages. Carson was quickly checking her as they transferred her over to a proper bed.

"Pulse is weak. She had dangerously low blood pressure."

Dr Perkins was sitting up in his bed. All the colour drained out of his face as he watched the scene playing out before him.

The medical team hooked Dr Li up to the monitors and Carson frowned at the readout.

"She's crashing!" Beckett suddenly exclaimed.

One of the medical team pushed over the defibrillator. Carson shouted, "Clear!" And shocked her.

The heart monitor let out a steady whine. One of the medical staff started compressions while another pumped air into her lungs.

Dr Perkins was still staring at them wide eyed, "Do something!" He cried in desperation.

Sheppard and Ronon both frowned at the outburst from the scientist next to them.

Suddenly the whine was replaced by a slow bleep.

Carson narrowed his eyes, "We need to operate, but her pulse is still too weak."

"You have to try, please don't let her die," Perkins said as he forced the blankets away from himself on the bed.

Carson heard the outburst this time and decided a more private room was required. He indicated for his team to wheel Dr Li into the operating theatre. As the doors closed behind them the steady whine of the flat lining heart monitor could be heard once more.

Dr Perkins rolled his eyes back into his head as he closed them.

Suddenly he snapped them open and muttered with vehemence, "He did this! She's going to die and it's all his fault."

Before Ronon or Sheppard could ask him what he meant, he pushed the blankets right off and fled the infirmary. Ronon chased after him, but the scientist must have known the runner was following him. He covered the display on the transporter to hide his destination as he stepped inside and Ronon could no longer follow him.

Rodney let his feet guide him along the corridors of Atlantis without purpose. After a few minutes of aimless wandering he stopped in front of a door.

He had not realised but he had been heading towards his quarters the whole time. He sighed and turned sideways so that he could use his left hand on the sensor. He was mildly surprised when the controls responded and the door opened.

He stepped over the threshold and turned the lights on. He thought he could get changed out of the infirmary gear and maybe head back to the lab to help Zelenka in the hopeless and soul destroying attempt to trace the cause of the malfunctions.

His radio activated, "Teyla to McKay."

"Yes?"

"Where are you? I returned to the Gateroom, but you were not there."

"I'm in my quarters, thought I'd get changed out of this ridiculous outfit to go and help Zelenka again. How's Dr Li?"

Teyla paused and then answered with a grave voice, "She is very ill, but in good hands. Colonel Sheppard is going to be alright too. Carson believes he can be released from the infirmary in the next few hours. Dr Perkins fled the infirmary when he saw Dr Li."

Rodney frowned as he felt concern about Li and Perkins.

"Try not to worry too much for now. Dr Beckett will keep us informed. I shall meet you in the lab later."

"Okay."

By the time Rodney was once more clad in his Atlantis uniform, his side and ribs were screaming out in agony. He sat down on the bed and breathed slowly through the pain with his eyes closed. He thought perhaps he should swing by the infirmary first and get some more painkillers from Carson.

Rodney stood up on his shaky legs and held his right arm across himself as he walked over to the door. Stepping out into the corridor, he slowly shuffled over to the transporter, trying to minimise the movement on his side.

He did not see or hear the figure behind him until he felt something sticking into the bruises on his back. He winced and stopped. A hand reached up and grabbed his radio headset.

"What the hell?" He asked in confusion and annoyance.

A harsh voice he did not recognise spoke, "The open door on your left, go inside."

Rodney frowned and turned around to see who had spoken. He got a punch in the face for his troubles as he faced his attacker. He gasped when he nearly fell over and his side twisted painfully against the bruises. He wiped a hand over his bleeding nose.

"Perkins?" He said incredulously as the other scientist raised the gun and pointed it at Rodney's chest.

Trying to ignore how much Perkins' hand was shaking and how pale the other man's face was, Rodney lifted his hands as high as he could and did as he had been told. His heart was beating painfully fast in his chest in panic.

Perkins followed him into the room. It was someone's quarters where the door had been forced open manually and no one had come back yet.

Rodney released a pained hiss as Perkins pushed the barrel of the gun into his back again, "Would you stop that!" He snapped.

Perkins spun him around and kept the gun trained on him. He looked quite strange, almost like he was fighting between rage, grief and sadness. His eyes shifted to the door, which was now behind Rodney, and then back to the man he was threatening.

Perkins began to mutter, "She's dead. You never wanted us to be together."

Rodney frowned and kept his eyes on the barrel of the gun as it lowered from aiming at his chest to point at his abdomen. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Perkins continued to rant, "Dr Li! You're always assigning her to dangerous off world missions and splitting us up."

"At work maybe, otherwise I don't care what you do in your personal lives. As for the off world missions…seems that I always end up on the most dangerous ones."

Rodney wondered whether he would feel anything at all at this close range if Perkins' finger slipped and pulled the trigger, or whether he would die instantly. He prayed for the latter option, but his pessimistic mind told him that he would probably bleed out and die in agony before anyone found him.

Perkins began to wave the gun around in wild gestures as he spoke, "If you hadn't told us to go to that lab, I wouldn't have been stuck in the infirmary when it happened. I could have lowered the shield faster and she wouldn't be dead. It's your fault she's dead."

Rodney staggered like he had been punched again. That comment was below the belt. Nothing hurt him more than the loss of the people in his team. They were supposed to be under his care and protection. But the Atlantis expedition was a dangerous one and so many dead colleagues weighed heavily on his heart every day. Now he would have yet another name to add to the list of people who had died and for a second a pressure squeezed his pounding heart with guilt and sorrow.

He shook his head as his racing mind remembered what Teyla had said, "She's not dead. Teyla told me a minute ago."

Perkins snarled, "You're lying, trying to worm your way out of this."

Rodney frowned, "Why would I lie to a madman pointing a gun at me?"

Perkins did not soften his expression and instead rushed forwards at Rodney, forcing him back with an arm over his bruised chest.

Rodney cried out as he slammed into the wall behind him. Perkins kept an arm pressed against his chest and forced the barrel of the gun into his abdomen.

Rodney closed his eyes in misery and scrunched up his face in pain. Blood was still dripping from his nose and down onto his shirt.

Perkins leaned in and whispered in Rodney's ear, "I think it's you doing all of this. It has been from the start."

McKay opened his eyes at the man who was staring at him intensely, "How the hell did you reach that conclusion Einstein?"

Perkins frowned, "You were always there to fix the systems this morning. You deliberately caught yourself in the doors to throw us off the trail."

"What? The doors that nearly killed me? Why on Earth would I do that!?" Rodney's voice broke in panic.

Perkins increased the pressure on the gun and across Rodney's chest. McKay tried to turn to the side to get away from the agony, but Perkins kept him firmly pinned.

"Zelenka said the doors opened on their own just when you were about to die. Also the malfunctions stopped for a few hours when you were in the infirmary."

Rodney had to admit when put like that it would be easy for someone to leap to the wrong conclusion.

Perkins continued, "We already know you're a genius, you don't need to use it to prove yourself and especially not to hurt and kill people the way you have."

"Use what?"

Perkins pushed the gun in even more and Rodney cried out and began to shake. Pain was now radiating around his whole torso from the point of the gun. He stood on tiptoes trying to rise to get away from the source of the agony.

"Don't play dumb with me. You found The Key!"

Rodney opened his watering eyes and frowned, "Oh please! The Key's just a myth. A rumour that's been circulating through whispers in the Mess Hall, emails and hearsay for the past three years."

"What's the matter? Worried because I found you out. Of course it's real, but you should never have used it. And now you will have to pay for what you've done."

Perkins released his grip on Rodney and he fell heavily onto the floor. He groaned and rolled onto his side, curling his legs up to his abdomen as his whole body shook in pain.

Perkins stepped back and levelled the gun at Rodney; increasing the pressure on the trigger.

TBC

A/N – This chapter scared the hell out of me and it was originally very different. I love blindsiding Rodney. Um… Ouch!