How to Start a Self-Discovery

Chapter 7: Hiccup The Viking

Astrid didn't know what this feeling was called, but had resolutely decided that in all of her six years on Midgard, it was the worst feeling anyone could ever have. She heard her mother speaking to her father about it; said that she was 'sick'. Whatever it meant, she decided it was the worst thing that ever existed on this earth, even more than the dragons! Dragons could be fought. She didn't have to wait around for the dragons to leave; she could just force them out! But this… 'sick' feeling was a different matter. She couldn't beat the feeling out of her; she just had to wait for it to go away. Why did she have to wait for it to go away? It was too passive for Astrid's liking.

Astrid could hear her mother in the other room, probably making that disgusting soup she forced Astrid to drink earlier. The young girl gagged as she thought about it, wondering how something that tasted so bad could be good for her. Her legs moved under her blanket, and she wiggled her toes as she looked forlornly at the door. She wanted to go outside and do… something! Anything! Anything was better than lying in bed waiting to be fed more gross-tasting soup.

Pouting, Astrid rolled over and pulled her blankets up to her chin. The candle next to her bed was still flickering, but there wasn't enough light to see clearly. The sound of her parents voices were faint in the other room, but made her drowsy. She had always fallen asleep while listening to her mother and father talking in the other room. It was one of the only times her father ever really talked at all. He was usually quiet, but his silence only leant to the intimidating aura he projected. Astrid found it hard to look him in the eyes a lot.

The door opened, and she let her eyes fall shut. Her parents were still talking, but in hushed voices. They probably thought she was sleeping, Astrid thought. She wasn't, although it wouldn't be long until she was. Her eyes were heavy and she had already closed them. She didn't know what her parents were saying anymore because sleep called too sweetly, but the last thing Astrid felt was a strong, callused hand resting on her head.

She still wasn't allowed to leave the house.

Astrid refrained from continuing to bang her head against the table in the main room of her house, a spot on her forehead already turning slightly red with abuse. It had only been the second day since a measly little piece of driftwood took her out of commission, but that was way too long for a Viking to sit around waiting for an injury to heal! She should be out there helping to build the new stadium, but no, Gothi had come by earlier in the morning to make sure Astrid knew that walking was prohibited. The old woman had waved her staff threateningly in Astrid's face a few times to solidify her point before leaving.

It wasn't like she hadn't injured herself before. Astrid was the recipient of a plethora of bumps and bruises and sprained wrists ever since she was young. Granted… the most serious leg injury she had before her crushed leg was just soreness and a mild twisted ankle that went away in a couple of hours. She always braved her injuries with a stone cold face, and most of the time no one even knew she was hurting!

Astrid drummed her fingers impatiently on the table. She already finished fixing the clothes her mother dumped on her the day before, because she was just so bored that it was literally the only thing she could do. She prayed, very briefly, to the gods to just let her get out of the house! Give her that, at least!

A muffled thump against the wall made her turn around. Stormfly was poking her nose in through one of the windows. She squawked as Astrid caught sight of her, and wiggled her body excitedly, her scales catching the sunlight. Astrid could see the saddle on Stormfly's back through the window, and smirked deviously.

Gothi told her she wasn't allowed to walk; nothing had been said about flying.

It took a few tries, and she bit her tongue twice to stop from crying out when her injured foot accidentally took some weight, but Astrid managed to comfortably settle onto Stormfly's back. Normally when her right ankle wasn't screaming at her with pain during every moment pressure was applied to it Astrid sat with her legs bent behind her on the saddle. Instead of her legs dangling straight down, they pressed against Stormfly's flank. But since she wasn't in tip-top shape, she couldn't place her injured ankle against Stormfly's side.

It made flying a bit awkward. There was, after all, a reason that her saddle was designed the way that it was. With her feet positioned behind her, Astrid could bring her body downwards, essentially hugging Stormfly's back. It blended the two of them together, allowing for less wind resistance and more fluidity. There was a reason she was the fastest rider on Berk, after Hiccup, of course; because, like Hiccup, Astrid made herself part of her dragon when they flew. She didn't just sit on a dragon like they were a prized mare.

Stormfly fluttered her wings happily, feeling the familiar weight of her rider on her back. Astrid grinned at her dragon's enthusiasm, understanding that Stormfly didn't care one bit how her rider sat on her; as long as they were together, everything would be okay in Stormfly's world.

Taking a stroll through the village was an option she considered, but staying cooped up in her house made her less than eager to simply sit on Stormfly as they walked around. After being in such cramped spaces, it was time to surround herself with nothing but open air and a clear, blue sky.

Stormfly knew that her rider was injured, so she took flight carefully, trying not to jostle Astrid too much and cause her more pain. Their ascent into the clouds took longer than it usually did, but the two of them weren't really complaining. Stormfly was just glad to be in the skies again with her rider, and Astrid was just happy to be outside. Astrid never noticed how beautiful Berk looked from far away, this tiny little island with a dragon-sized secret. It made her wonder how many things she hadn't noticed because she was too wrapped up in training and chores.

She and Stormfly turned their backs on Berk as they continued their ascent. The wind was cold, but she didn't feel it. Her fur hood was draped around her head, protecting her ears from frostbite. It wasn't winter, but the air was always colder the further up they went. Sometimes her hands went numb from flying for too long, but she would only notice it after she touched back down on Berk, because being in the sky took away any attention she would have for other things.

The clouds were misty and she dragged her fingers through them as Stormfly rose above them. The colours of the skies above the clouds were always amazing. Maybe it was just nearing night, and the sun was setting, but Astrid always loved the glow of the sun from above the clouds. If this was where the gods lived, she wouldn't be surprised at all.

The two of them glided easily along, Astrid still sitting with her back straight on the saddle. She wondered if Hiccup would call her a Valkyrie again, seeing her like this. It was what he had said the last time she was this high up. She didn't want to believe him, because it was narcissistic of her to compare herself to a Valkyrie. But all the same, she still thought about it. Did she really look like a Valkyrie? Or was he just being overly affectionate, like he always was?

Astrid touched her fur hood, imagining the braided blonde hair kept safely underneath it. She never thought about the way she looked before, but she knew what other people thought of her. She was cute when she was a gangly little fifteen-year-old, and as she grew older, more and more people started to tell her she was a 'striking young lass'. She hadn't known how to reply, so Astrid mostly smiled awkwardly at them and escaped the conversation as fast as she could. It wasn't like she hated talking about the way she looked, but didn't it matter more that she was one of the best riders on Berk?

The sky was darkening, and Astrid eased Stormfly under the clouds, beginning their descent back to the island. She hadn't realized how late it was getting, and hoped no one noticed her disappearance. But, as luck would have it, she neared the village and saw Hiccup and the other dragon riders gathered in the town square, surrounded by the other Vikings. It looked to be a very obvious, hastily-thrown-together search party for her wee little butt.

Ruffnut recognized Stormfly as they descended, and Astrid saw the profile of Hiccup's tense, pinched face melting into utter relief as he turned to catch sight of her in the skies through Ruffnut's prompting. Her mother stood beside him where he was mounted on Toothless, her hands clasped at her stomach, wringing each other nervously. Astrid felt a bit guilty for leaving without at least letting her mother know, because ever since her father died, she was all her mother had left.

Hiccup didn't bother waiting for her to land on Berk. He urged Toothless into the sky, catching them a few hundred feet in the air.

"Hey," she said when they were close enough.

"Where have you been?" he asked her, his voice tight with frustration but laced with worry. Astrid was a bit taken back by his tone, her eyes narrowing.

"I went flying," she said, defensiveness rising to her voice. What, she wasn't allowed to go flying anymore? Astrid took short flights by herself all the time without telling anyone. Hel, Hiccup went flying more often than she did!

"With a sprained ankle?!" he said. "Gothi said you need to rest, not go gallivanting all over ocean!" Under him, Toothless blinked his eyes adoringly at Astrid, making those big, cute eyes that she could never resist. He was worried about Hiccup's frustration, but also concerned for her well-being.

"It's not like I was doing loop-de-loops in the air!" Astrid snapped back, her eyes flashing fiercely. Hiccup's frustration had brought out her Viking stubbornness. "I've been stuck in my house since yesterday with nothing to do; can you blame me for wanting a quick lap around the island?"

"That was not a 'quick' lap that was several hours of not knowing what happened to you!" Hiccup's face started to burn red with frustration, the veins on his neck threatening to pop out from underneath his skin. "You couldn't even be bothered to tell someone where you were going?!"

Astrid's hands tightened on the handles of her saddle. "It's not like you ever tell anyone where you're going. And besides, it's not like anything would have happened to me; I'm on a dragon for Thor's sake!"

"Riding a dragon doesn't make you invincible! You can still get hurt—" Hiccup said.

"I'm a Viking; it's an occupational hazard!" Astrid scowled at him before urging Stormfly back into a glide towards the village. She could feel Toothless and Hiccup close on her tail, but refused to look back at him. She saw her mother's worried face and frowned softly. As much as she didn't like making her mother worry, Astrid decided that now was probably not a good time to go home and start a shouting match with her boyfriend. Even though Stormfly was probably tired from the long flight, her dragon's wings beat soundly as she eased them into a turn, headed towards Raven's Point.

"Where are you going now?!" she heard Hiccup's voice say from behind her. Astrid ignored him. He might be mad at her silence, but he'd still follow her. She knew this as she swooped down into the secret cove. He was still landing when she swung her over Stormfly and jumped onto the ground with her good foot. She heard him curse colourfully from behind her when he saw her dismount.

"Would it kill you to be careful for once?" he said. She frowned at him from under her hair, rubbing Stormfly's scales. She was being careful; she made extra sure that she would hit the ground with her good foot, not her sprained one.

"I was dismounting, not jumping off a cliff," she said. Stormfly crooned at her, nudging her hand for more strokes. Her bad leg was hovering a few centimetres above the air and she used Stormfly as a makeshift crutch. There was a good sized rock near where she landed, and she hopped towards it to use it as a stool. Hiccup followed her at a distance, Toothless behind him.

"Astrid, why are we here? You should be at home, resting," Hiccup told her, the anger beginning to fade. The weariness of the day had begun to catch up on him, and his eyes looked tired. Toothless made a noise of worry, sniffing Astrid's ankle. She pet him as he came closer, nudging her hand with his cold nose. Just because she was mad at Hiccup didn't mean she was mad at Toothless. If Hiccup was worried about her, showing concern the way that Toothless was currently doing was a much better way of going about it. But then again, she supposed it didn't help that she was being difficult about it.

When Astrid didn't answer him, and the silence stretched on for too long, Toothless glared at his rider and grumbled something at him. Hiccup gave his flying partner an affronted look, like he almost couldn't believe he was being blamed for this.

"Don't look at me like that," Hiccup said. Toothless huffed at him and curled up around Astrid, plopping his head in her lap and looking up at her with his 'cute' eyes. Astrid grinned at him, glad that he was on her side even though she was pretty sure he only did it for the neck scratches. Stormfly, though, started strutting around Hiccup, turning her face to peer at him with her eyes. He reached out to pet her, but she turned and nudged him with her nose.

"Stormfly?" Astrid asked, a bit confused but mirth lining her voice as she watched her dragon poking her nose incessantly into Hiccup's sides and back. It was obvious after the fifth or so nudge that the Deadly Nadder was trying to put Hiccup closer to Astrid, and the rider of the Night Fury tossed his hands up in exasperation and went to sit next to Astrid on the rock. Astrid stifled her laughter as Stormfly preened and congratulated herself by admiring her reflection in the water. Somehow her dragon had equated closeness with forgiveness; as if she thought that Astrid was mad because Hiccup was refusing to sit with her. And though Stormfly was wrong, that didn't mean her prodding of Hiccup was ineffective.

It was hard to ignore him when he was sitting next to her, the sleeve of his green shirt brushing against her bare arm. Hiccup started fiddling with his prosthetic to fill the silence that stretched loudly over the two of them. Astrid snuck glances at him from the corner of her eyes, watching the frown stubbornly planted on his face as he inspected his metal foot. It prompted her to look at her own leg, swathed in bandages and leather. She hadn't dared put a boot over her ankle, and could see her toes peeking out of the bandages. She wiggled them, watching them respond to her mental commands.

"I'm sorry," Astrid heard herself say, the words tumbling out like they had been dying to escape, "I know you're worried; I'm just being… difficult." She tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, looking apologetically at him, meeting his gaze. He looked a little surprised at her apology, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. "I-I just… I'm not used to this."

"To what?" Hiccup asked, genuinely curious. But curiosity was in his nature, she thought. Astrid shrugged helplessly.

"The… coddling? I don't know…" She loosely crossed her arms, sinking into herself. She hated the admission; it felt like a weakness she was voicing. Astrid Hofferson didn't have weaknesses… except for when she had so many she wasn't sure where they all came from.

But Hiccup just smiled loosely, nudging her shoulder with his. "I don't think anyone would even think about coddling the Great Astrid Hofferson. We'd all get beat up before we could start," he joked. It was something he meant to say to cheer her up, she knew that, but Astrid couldn't help the frown deepening on her face. Hiccup noticed her reaction, and his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Astrid?"

"I… it's nothing. It's stupid." Shaking her head, Astrid stood up, balancing on her good foot. "Let's just get back to the village. My mom must be worried sick by now," she said, trying to sound light-hearted. But Hiccup stood up and grasped her arms with his hands, forcing her to face him.

"Astrid, what's wrong?" His eyes burned, she thought. There was an intensity to them she came to be familiar with. The first time she saw his eyes like this, they were looking out over the docks, and he had watched the ships sail off past the horizon. She asked him why he hadn't killed 'that dragon'. His answer hadn't surprised her. But that was because he was Hiccup. Obstinate, stubborn, and persistent.

Just like a Viking.

Astrid smiled and tucked a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. She let her fingers drift on the underside of his jaw as she leaned forward to kiss him softly.

"Really. Everything's okay."

She hopped onto Stormfly, being careful not to put any weight on her injured foot. When she looked over at Hiccup, he was already sitting on Toothless, waiting for her to take off first. She grinned at him.

"I hope you've kept up with your training," she said. "When my ankle gets better, I'm challenging you to a sword fight."