Though Clare's first year of school was difficult, it was positively normal. She spent the summer after on various excursions with her family, her brother constantly teasing her about being in Slytherin. Coming from him, she didn't mind. It only took her mother's reassurance the first time it happened "He's just trying to cope with his sister being in a different house, it's because he loves you that he does it" for her to let it go. Over the summer her family visited the Weasleys and she talked with Ginny while Ron and Joe were tormented by Fred and George's pranks.
Ginny smiled as they talked about Hogwarts. "That must've been so cool!" She said in response to Clare's description of the Quidditch matches.
"There's something different about cheering for your house and people you get to hang out with." Clare said, her eyes starry.
"I can't wait to play Quidditch," Ginny said grinning big.
"Not until your second year, sadly." Clare said.
Ginny frowned, Clare could see the wheels turning inside her head. Ginny gained up the courage. "Do you like being in Slytherin?"
Clare smiled. "Everyone's a lot nice than I expected. And there aren't any dark witches or wizards, yet." She winked at her. Most people took her house too seriously.
"Man, I hope I get sorted into Gryffindor." She said quietly, under her breathe. Clare breathed a sigh. She hoped that Ginny would make it into Gryffindor, it would make things a lot easier.
Ginny let out a distressed scream.
Ginny climbed up at far on the couch as she could manage. Clare tensed up at her behavior and looked down, there were two small vipers slithering around by the coffee table. They were hissing and writhing as Ginny screamed even louder, closing her eyes and covering her ears. The snakes started climbing up the couch and moving toward Ginny. Clare scooted inbetween Ginny and the snakes. She mustered up all her resolve and commanded the snakes "No, Leave us alone."
The snakes stopped in their tracks and stared at her with their Onyx eyes. Just as Clare was about to grab the snakes by their heads, they exploded into butterflies that flew onto the girls faces and landed all over their bodies. The colorful butterflies then exploded into paint all over their skin and clothes. Ginny's scream of panic turned into irritation. She picked herself up off the couch and ran as fast as her feet would take her to the hallway, where the boys were now fleeing from the scene of the crime, Clare following on her heels.
Fred laughed at them, "It's just a couple of snakes, and some paint." He doubled over as he fled.
Molly Weasley came yelling up the stairs "NOW WHAT IS GOING ON UP HERE. Fred! George! You better not be tormenting our guests! OR YOUR SISTER!"
Ginny stopped and let her mother pass her to go get the boys. Clare turned to Ginny and they giggled. Clare had never seen Mrs. Weasley so angry.
That started the beginning of her second year. Although she got on the train same as ever, sat at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, second year was anything but ordinary. All hell broke loose that year for the whole school. Oddities assailed her.
Beginning about a month into school Clare would hear strange things.
Clare would walk down the halls on her way to class and hear someone whispering "Command me master." She ignored the, most likely Gryffindor, student trying to get under her skin and went on to her Transfiguration class.
A couple weeks after the first incident, she was walking quickly with Hermione Granger to their potions class and she heard that same voice say "Kill Mudbloods."
"Why don't you just give it a rest." Clare whipped around and no one was standing near her.
Hermione looked at her, "What?"
Clare feared she was hearing voices that weren't there. "Didn't you hear that?" She wasn't going crazy, right?
"No." Hermione said, confused. They had just reached the dungeons and entered the classroom before Clare could continue this conversation. During the class period Snape went on about an important cure to a break out of boils from a certain spell, whose name slipped her remembrance. When the professor noticed her staring off into space, he took special offense and promptly scolded her in front of the class.
"Miss McGee." He called. She didn't answer, thinking through all the possibilities of why might be hearing things. Everyone in the class was staring at her with frightful eyes.
Snape huffed and raised his voice considerably, indignant at the girls complete lack of respect. "Miss McGee!" Her neighbor elbowed her in the side and Clare realized she had ignored the Professor and attempted to regain her composure without being completely obvious. She gave her Professor her full attention, but her red face revealed her guilt.
"Ten points from Slytherin!" He declared as half the class groaned. "For Miss McGee's disrespect and causing a disruption in our class due to her mental absence."
Clare fumed on the inside. Plenty of her Slytherin classmates stared her down. He had just taken away points from his own house because she lost focus for a moment. Hermione looked at her with pity, almost saying sorry with her eyes. Clare, half-smiling at Hermione reassuring her she was fine, simultaneously pulled out her notes and began attentively listening to the rest of the Potions class. As soon as Snape dismissed the class, he called out. "Miss McGee, stay back a moment, unless you have other things you need to day dream about."
Clarissa finished packing up her things and went up to the Professor. Joe was the last one to leave the class. He caught her eyes, his faced grimacing with concern. He was clenching his fists at his sides, deciding whether to help defend her. Clare shook her head with a less-than-convincing smile. With that he exited the class in a hurry.
Professor Snape scowled at her. After he said nothing, Clare fought to fill the silence. "Professor I meant you no disrespect during class today."
Ignoring her apology, he spoke. "It is no secret you were confused and disappointed when you were placed in my house." She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued. "Do you wish to see Slytherin fail?"
"No sir, you must-"
He spoke over her. "I expect proper decorum from you in not only my, but all your classes. For I am the one who must deal with your shortcomings. Are you so distracted in our your other lessons?" He was baiting her.
Why does he hate me so much? Clare thought to herself. "No, but I had a good reason."
Snape scoffed and his face turned red with rage. "And what would make this case so special!" He raised his voice.
Clare attempted to keep her cool to avoid further punishment. "Well, I've been hearing things."
"Do your ears not normally function in class?" He asked condescendingly.
"I mean, voices, sir. They seem to be coming from the walls. I hear them inbetween periods, once at night, I thought I was dreaming. It always speaks of killing and death."
Snape's dismissive look morphed into one of wariness, almost as if he had expected this to happen. "How many times have you heard this voice?"
"Only four times. But I fear I'm losing my mind Professor." Clare revealed her true feelings to him.
Snape hid his distress from the girl he realized that was under much more pressure than he surmised. "I believe Headmaster Dumbledore will want to hear of this."
She relaxed, if anyone could figure this out, it was the Headmaster. "Okay."
Snape walked with Clare through the corridors in silence. This being the second time he had delivered her to the Headmaster. He spoke the password quietly to the gargoyle, which granted them access.
When they came into his office he smiled, pleasantly surprised. His half moon glasses were resting on his nose as he read a book whose title she could not read. He set down the large emerald green book and sat back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap.
"Hello Severus. Clarissa its good to see you."
"Hello Headmaster."
"I trust your semester is going well?" He said as if he already knew the answer.
Snape, looming at the edge of the room, added urgency to the conversation. "We came here to discuss a specific incident."
Albus looked over at his Potions master, "I'm sure the girl hasn't done something so reprehensible that we must forgo pleasantries."
Snape pursed his lips. "Yes, but she only has so much time before her next class." Clare glanced at her professors tight, distressed face.
"I understand." He said slowly and turned his attention on the student sitting regally in the chair in front of his desk. "Would you care to explain what Professor Snape is talking about?"
"Well, it's quite odd" She began, testing his reaction.
He repeated. His face had grown solemn. "Tell me child"
"I've been hearing voices as I walk through Hogwarts, and sometimes before I fall asleep." She said, not giving too much detail.
"What does these voices say?" Dumbledore asked delicately.
"I've heard it say 'command me master' 'kill mudbloods' and some other things."
"That is quite troubling." He looked down at his desk.
"Do you know what it means?" She asked, hopeful.
"I am not positive of anything, but I'm sure we will be able to get to the root of this."
"Okay. And Professor..." she began, reluctant to reveal this. "In dueling club, when Harry Potter spoke Parseltongue to that snake, I heard him tell the snake to leave that boy alone."
Snape was caught off guard by this information. He glanced at Albus, who was hiding his shock masterfully. Albus met his gaze for only one moment. Their eye contact noticed by Clare.
Dumbledore looked at the clock in the back of the room. "You better go or else you'll be late for Charms."
Clare stood up. "Thank you." She followed Snape, who was heading for the stairs. She was relieved she didn't have to face this issue alone.
He stopped her before she left. "Clare," He looked her right in the eyes and warned her, "do not tell anyone else what you told me."
With that she left the office.
Throughout the duration of her second year, Draco and Clare stopped hating each other as much. Being in the same house they spent a lot of time together and had to "play nice". This constant contact kept them from butting heads as much. The more time she spent with him the more she realized he was just full of hot air and wasn't evil at his core. This understanding of who he was made it easier for Clare to hang out in the common room without wanting to rip her hair out.
Hermione and Clare spent a lot of time in the library together. They had most of their classes together so they studied together. As far as Clare could tell, Hermione was her closest friend. She told her almost everything, even when she started crushing on one of the Hufflepuff boys. The only things she wouldn't tell her was about the voices.
Clare excelled in all her classes. She spent a lot of extra time on her homework, hoping to please her parents and avoid all the people who either distrusted her for being a Slytherin or the Slytherins who didn't accept her. She had thought about trying out for the quidditch team. When students began to get petrified, she got scared. She knew before anyone why they were being targeted, recognizing the trend immediately. She could feel it in her veins that it was because they were all muggle-borns. Someone was lurking in Hogwarts hoping to end the mudbloods.
The Slytherin house was buzzing about the Chamber of Secrets opening. Some were worried it was going to be pinned on their house, giving them less popularity than before. Others saw it as a good recognition of the significance of Salazar Slytherin in the founding of Hogwarts. Clare knew Hermione had been looking for the entrance to the Chamber. Somehow, she was sure she knew where it was located. And though she wanted to tell her friend, something kept her from revealing its location. Once Hermione herself had been petrified, guilt overwhelmed her.
Once Harry had defeated the Beast of the Chamber, which ended up being a Basilisk, Clare fell into a melancholy mood. She heard about all the danger Ginny Weasley had been in, with whom she'd had very little contact with throughout the year. But Clare felt like she had missed out an opportunity to fulfill her purpose. She attributed this feeling to withholding information from her friends, coming close to causing the death of a family friend.
Although she faced many unexplained phenomena, at the end of the year, she felt like she was finally beginning to understand and accept who she was. She began to form her identity as a good Slytherin.
Her third year was the hardest of her short-ish life.
The summer was busy. Her father gone around Europe, dealing with the increase in Dark Arts. He kept quiet with what he was dealing. Their mother took them around to the old family members they hadn't seen in years, making for a rather uncomfortable summer. There were bright spots when they got to sight see and spend time with their favorite aunts and uncles. Joe and Clare began to wonder why she was so set on keeping them outside of London. Their conspiracies varied from remodeling being completed on their house to the return of You-Know-Who.
Sadly, Clare wasn't able to spend any time with Hermione over the summer, but she did write.
Due to the interference on the train riding on the Hogwarts express was cold and depressing. The warm summer day offered little comfort to her. After all, she was riding in Malfoy's train car, which made it that much less enjoyable. Pansy, Malfoy, Crabbe, and her were all squashed into one car. This was the product of poor planning on her part, she should have made prior arrangements. But when Malfoy saved her a seat, she couldn't afford to say no.
"In need of a place to sit McGee? Lucky for you, there's room for one in mine." He said smugly.
Pansy, not liking Clare in the least, started pouting when she said. "Okay, thanks Malfoy."
Draco told Crabbe to sit next to Pansy, leaving her a space next to him. Over the summer she had promised her father she would make a better effort to make friends in her house. "So we have another new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I wonder who it is." Pansy said, keeping her eyes on Malfoy.
He looked over at Clare, who was staring out the window, and said "My father told me that Dumbledore hired Remus Lupin. He said he's a bum and there's rumors he is a werewolf."
Pansy, still pining for attention, glared at Clare saying "Just like Dumbledore to hire a Mutt."
Malfoy agreed with her comment with a short grunt. "Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs." To this the trio laughed. Draco noticed Clare's disinterest and addressed her directly.
"What? Were you hoping to be mauled on a full moon?" Snickering at his own comment.
Clare turned around to look at him. "Of course not. I'm sure those rumors are just rumors about Professor Lupin. And if not, I'm sure Dumbledore knows what he is doing."
Malfoy was furious at her deviance of his opinions. "Well, then what do you think about him hiring that blubbering fool, Hagrid?"
Pansy, shoving her way into the conversation, said, "I wouldn't put him in charge of such a dangerous class. Someone is going to lose their head for sure this year."
Clare laughed at that comment condescendingly. "Hagrid is probably twice the size of all the magical creature we'll be learning about this year and he's the grounds keeper. I'm sure that makes him more than able to keep everyone's heads on this year. Don't be such a coward." Draco laughed, making Clare feel slightly ashamed of herself.
"I'm not a coward!" She protested angrily. "There's nothing wrong with having a sense of self-preservation."
"Yeah, sure Pansy." Draco said sarcastically. "Didn't know you were so funny, Clarissa."
"Clare is fine Draco. You know that." She said dismissively, hoping to end that discussion.
The train ride ended up smoother than she expected. She actually kind of enjoyed them, especially when Parkinson wasn't trying to compete with her for attention, it just made her uncomfortable.
School started out smoothly. She was adjusting well to the third year load. She spent most of her time with other students in her house. Things were finally beginning to feel comfortable. There were no voices, no premonitions. Everything was semi-normal when the second week of school Clare was again called to the headmaster's office. He gave her some news she would not forget. When she arrived Dumbledore was in front of his desk with Professor Snape. She was nervous but she proceeded into the room.
Dumbledore greeted her, "Hello Clare how are your classes?"
"Good, I have a full schedule" she said as she sat down at the chairs in front of his desk.
Professor Snape just looked at her, not bothering to say hello. He had always looked at her weird. Almost like he despised her appearance.
"Clare, I looked into the matter of your birth parents. And it seems I have some news for you." Albus said carefully, attempting to not give too much away.
"Really, do you know who they are?" Clare said excitedly. This was a question that sat in the back of her mind all her life, whether she denied it or not. Her curiosity had taken over her thoughts. She would finally know who she really was.
Dumbledore looked solemn as he stared, concerned for her. His eyes were grave, and his face was sad. Snape's face resembled pity, something Clare had never seen him feel. "Yes, Clare. I know who your parents are." He paused. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"Of course I do..." She said cautiously.
Snape shifted uncomfortably, Albus took a deep breathe. "I should start from the beginning, with your scars. Your mother gave birth to you while she was imprisoned. Before they took you away from her, she engraved the letters TMR on you. I found that those letters have significance. They are the initials of your father."
"She was imprisoned? In Azkaban?" Clare said, not sure of the emotions she was feeling. Shock? Disappointment?
"Yes, she played a large role in the Wizarding War. She is a loyal servant of Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange." The words sat on his tongue like bile. He swallowed.
Clare was taken aback. She'd heard of her and her famous cruelty. She had tortured the Longbottoms till they went insane. She was a death eater. That just couldn't be. She would have known if her mother was... was evil. "And my father?"
Snape mumbled to Dumbledore "Spare the girl Bella's words."
"She needs to know." He sighed. By the scowl on his face, Clare could tell Snape disagreed.
Clare just stared at them confused, holding back tears. She was not happy with the news they had brought her, she didn't know how to feel or what to think. But she had asked to hear it, so she would listen.
Albus retreated from her eyes and stared down at his hands. "Clare when the ministry took you away, she was laughing uncontrollably, saying 'She will follow in his footsteps. She will carry on her father's work. She will be his pride and joy, his most lethal weapon. You mark my words. Taking her away from me won't change that.'" She began to shake in her chair, knowing what her mentor would say next. "Clare your father is Voldemort."
Clare was dumbfounded at the news. Her tears threatened to break through their barriers. Her heart stopped. Her breath quickened. Am I as evil as him. Am I destined to follow in his footsteps as my mother said?
Dumbledore quickly comforted her as if he heard her thoughts. "Your heritage does not define you. You make your own choices, and you decide who you want to be. If you need to talk about it, speak to me or professor Snape."
She was struggling to maintain her composure. "Yes sir."
"And Clare, this is a secret best kept. People may not be able to look over your heritage."
"I understand, may I leave now?" She was trying to escape before she fell apart.
"Yes, Goodbye"
When Clare left that room, she left a part of herself in there. She was so torn up about the whole situation. Every time she saw Harry guilt flooded her and the thought. My father killed your parents. Every time she saw Neville it was worse. The fate her mother had given his parents was unspeakable. She hadn't been particularly close to them before then, but now she avoided them all together. Her friendship with Harry went completely out of the window, she just couldn't face him.
The night Dumbledore had told her of her parents, nightmares kept her from any form of rest.
Clare was in her childhood house. She sat at the kitchen table. Her parents were sitting on the edges of the table. Joe was seated across from her. They were eating dinner.
Clare suddenly stood up from the table and went to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. Her dark brown hair was ruffled, so she smoothed it down and washed her face. When she straightened to look in the mirror. Her reflection looked normal, except she had yellow eyes like a snake. She stared at it for a moment, closed her eyes, shook her head and looked in the mirror again. Her eyes were deep blue again.
She walked out into the dining room. She sat at the table. It was longer than before like it could seat eight instead of just four. Clare looked over at her mother. But there was another woman in her place. The woman's hair was black and her eye lids were heavy. She had a hard look present on her face.
She looked over at her father. But again, her father wasn't there. A pale man, his eyes red, appearing sickly sat in his place. The longer Clare looked at him and realized, he wasn't sickly, his appearance was just tired.
"Who are you?" Clare spoke slowly.
The woman spoke. "We're your parents, Clarissa."
Instantly the table was gone and the two strangers were crouched over Joe. Clare was still sitting as she watched with horror.
The man spoke. "Torture him, darling. It will satisfy your desires. Don't you feel your blood aching? It wants you to kill him."
The woman said, "Kill him love and we can be a family. You belong with us."
Clare picked up her wand and pointed it at Joe. She watched as his face morphed into Harry's, Ron's, Hermione's, and over and over into different Hogwarts students until it stopped on Joe's face. She wouldn't do it.
The man took out his wand said "Avadakedavra!" Joe slumped over, dead. "Don't worry, we'll help you fix that later."
Clare woke up, relieved to find that it was a dream. She made her way to the community bathroom, no one had woken up yet. She looked at herself in the mirror, examining her face for any trace, some kind of evidence to the people that she belonged to. She must look like one of them. She vaguely remembered a picture of Bellatrix Lestrange from the daily prophet. Clare looked nothing like that woman with her brown eyes and raven hair. They may have shared the same skin tone, but she wouldn't know from the picture. But if she didn't look like her, she must look like him.
A shudder ran through her body. She wouldn't think about that, she couldn't. It would drive her mad. She had a realization. That's why Snape looks at her so odd. Wincing at her facial expressions and smile. She looked like the most despicable man who had ever lived in the Wizarding World.
As the year continued on, she didn't Harry and her other friends since she couldn't handle the constant reminder of her heritage. She began spending more time with Draco Malfoy and his friends. She wasn't worthy to be with the others.
She missed her friends from Gryffindor, but she was mortified by the slim possibility of them discovering who she was. So one day when she found Ron's rat Scabbers crawling through the castle, to avoid showing her face, she decided to bring the rat to Hagrid's.
As she often found comfort in animals, she confided in the rat. "I'm just going to take you to Hagrid's. To avoid being near Ron or Harry. Yeah, he'd hate me if he knew that my father killed his parents. I can trust you right? Well, you see my father is Lord Voldemort. I don't know how I can call myself their friend." When she arrived at Hagrid's, she vented to him too.
"Well 'ello Clare. Wut are ye doing here?" He seemed really worried she was there so late and by herself.
"I found Scabbers. Can you give him to Ron for me?"
"Well why dinna ye just do it yerself?"
Clare looked sad. "No reason."
"Well come on. Ye can trust me."
"I'm just having some troubles."
"Why?"
"I just can't face any of my friends, especially Harry"
"Why no'?"
"Well I just found out my father killed his parents and I can't face him."
Hagrid's face looked dumbstruck. "Wow. Well I still promise you they won' care who yer father is as long as ye don't follow in 'is footsteps. Well on you go now. It's getting late."
"Oh and Hagrid, please don't tell them I found him."
"Will do."
After that talk with Hagrid, she felt comfortable enough to begin to spend time with her old friends. They welcomed her with open arms, they were previously worried about her absence from their lives. Gryffindors and Slytherins can be friends with special circumstances. The rest of the year was a breeze. As long as she didn't think about it, it didn't affect her. She still continued to build who she was on what her parents had always taught her and what she was determined to be.
However much she loved and trusted them, she wasn't ready to tell her parents of her heritage. They had no idea. So her third and fourth years she kept it from them and Joe. She didn't want that fact to change their opinions of her. She couldn't stand it if they treated her differently because of it. She didn't want them to despise her, or pity her.
To her surprise, she noticed Snape kept a close eye on her. Whether or not it was because he feared her or worried for her, she couldn't tell. During class, he would look at her with despise, pity, or something that looked like compassion. She pretended like she didn't see him.
Dumbledore called her in twice a year. He continued to check up on her. They had tea and a casual conversation about classes and her friends. He always sent her away with the final question "You know you can tell me anything. I am here to protect you." She feared his goodwill was motivated out of fear of what she was capable of. But, she knew he was only concerned for her, something she appreciated greatly. She wasn't so sure many people would have the same opinion he had of her, one of hope and optimism.
Thanks for reading! Review! Or not. I won't tell you how to live your life.