Memory Loss

Chapter 4: What's going on?

Niles answered promptly the call from his boss.

Not that being hit in the head was giving him any sudden cravings for being a proper servant; he had in his best interest going to the office as soon as possible because it would provide a welcomed distraction from his disturbing Shakespearean dream.

(If anyone asked what took him so long to answer he could always blame the concussion. There was no need to spread rumors about afternoon naps.)

Besides, there was a good chance of Maxwell having news about Miss Babcock, who had left for the theater in the middle of the morning and never contacted the mansion again.

Niles had some hope that she would be back to report to her business partner before the end of the working day, and then the butler would have the chance to offer her a simple but delicious afternoon snack.

With some luck she was staying for dinner, and he would have the chance to offer her something tasty and carefully crafted.

She had teased him before disappearing from the dining room in the morning – the least he expected from her was a fair opportunity to pay back the attention.

xxx

Niles should have known better than to expect any fairness from Miss Babcock.

Maxwell had called to say he wanted something specific for dinner. A personal choice, in fact, that he knew Miss Fine and the children would approve of.

When the butler asked if it would be just them for dinner, the high-spirited answer was, 'Yes, tonight it's just the family'.

It made him flinch.

Obviously, Babcock was not family enough.

It shouldn't disturb him, but it did.

xxx

Niles left the office feeling unbalanced: he should be annoyed at Miss Babcock, once she was again playing hide-and-seek – she teased him and then ran away, a feature present in both dreams and memories he had of her, and now in their present interactions, too.

However, he felt almost angry at Maxwell for not even thinking of including her in the familiar gatherings.

Was the man oblivious to the fact that, if Niles was family, so was CC, once he just felt complete with her around?

Was it possible that Niles' bond with Babcock was so concealed no one could see it?

Was it the reason why Babcock herself believed they were just playing games?

The butler was immersed in these thoughts when he entered the living room and saw a certain brunette reading on the sofa.

He took it as a hint from Fate, 'Miss Fine?'

She put down the magazine immediately.

(It was not like Fran to miss any opportunity to find out what had her friend's guts in a knot.)

Her tone of voice and knowing face made obvious she had been waiting to discuss something engaging – probably, that conversation she witnessed at breakfast, 'Yes, sweetie?'

Decided to open up to her, Niles sat on the sofa, his body turned to his friend, 'I have a question, and I think you're the right person to answer it', he tilted his head, 'Well, maybe not the right person, but the one who will talk to me about it'.

'You mean it's personal, Mister Sheffield is too conservative and Miss Babcock is too… you know, Miss Babcock to do it?'

'Exactly'.

'Go on'.

He chose his words carefully, 'I have been dreaming…'

'Oh, my God!', she interrupted, 'Are you having nightmares?! Do you think it's because of the hit in the head? Or is it the meds? Why didn't you tell earlier?! Let's call the doctors! I have a cousin that…'

'No, no need to', he calmed her down, 'They are not nightmares, just disturbing dreams. And they didn't start immediately after the accident, so I think they are not related to the concussion nor the treatment'.

'Oh', she was curious, 'When did they start?'

'When I met Miss Babcock'.

'Was it a zinger?'

'Pardon?'

'You just said your bad dreams started when you met Miss Babcock. It's the kind of thing you would say to annoy her'.

'No, I was just stating a fact', he shrugged, 'I've seen her twice, and I dreamed about her every time'.

'You saw her this morning. When did you sleep?'

He scowled, 'That's not the point'.

She smirked, 'Oh, please, as if I didn't know you nap when…'

'Miss Fine…'

'All right, I'll focus', she patted his knee, 'If you want my opinion, you called her a witch so many times that, even if you don't remember her, maybe your mind believe you're under a curse, and is making you dream of her in order to…'

While she spoke, Niles muttered tentatively, 'Witch'.

He heard, as a faint sound, Fran agreeing and commenting on his habit of creating nicknames for Miss Babcock, but he was not really paying attention, anymore. He was taken by a strange sensation of familiarity and… something else that the word brought on him.

He came out of his reverie when he realized Fran was still talking, and cut her off, 'I have a very specific question to ask you'.

'All right', she was all ears.

He explained, 'The dreams start with me and Miss Babcock in a famous scene… of a movie, or a play…', he noticed Fran rolling her eyes at the contents and decided to ignore it, 'Things develop… nicely until some point – no, I'm not giving you any details – and then she kinds of…'

He hesitated, and she suggested, 'Blow it all up?'

'Let's say we part in bad terms'.

She nodded in understanding, 'And you think those are memories?'

'No, they are not memories; however, they always bring back a memory when I wake up', he looked down at his hands, 'A memory of her'.

'How creepy'.

He glared, 'Thank you for the support'.

'Sorry, sweetie, but you must agree it's strange. You see the woman every day. I thought you would remember things about her while fooling around in the mansion, not when you go to sleep'.

He pouted for a moment, pondering on what she had said, 'Well, Miss Fine, I appreciate your opinion on how my mind chose to recover itself. I'm sure you'll have useful input to give me when I finally ask my question'.

She made a mocking respectful face and gestured for him to resume his tale.

He did so, 'Last night dream made me remember what seems to be the second half of a… situation. I'm asking for your help because I think you witnessed what happened in the first half'.

'I got it. Hit me'.

Niles nodded and started gesturing to add dramatics to his story, 'It was late night. Something happened in the mansion, and I went after Miss Babcock, who had just left. I found her in front of the house, and tried to convince her to come back'.

She raised a hand, 'Wait a minute. It was a memory?'

'Yes. Why do you ask?'

'Because she was going away and you were trying to bring her back'.

'It was late, as I said', he shrugged to avoid the strange feeling that he was missing some crucial data related to what the nanny had said, 'I suppose it was the human thing to do'.

'Uhum', she let out a mocking agreement.

Deciding it was for the best, he seized her pretense to go on, 'The fact is, she was hesitant to come back because she was worried about someone seeing her. I think she meant you and Mister Sheffield', he rested his hands on his thighs, in a calculated gesture to hide his nerves, 'Does it remind you of anything?'

Fran tilted her head in sorrow, 'It's not much information, sweetie. I wish I could help you, but I need more to work on'.

Niles looked down at his hands, dejected, 'There's not much more than this. She threw me an off-handed zinger, I didn't like it and left her there'.

'You two fighting and you leaving her out of the house is not rare, Niles'.

'I see', his shoulders fell.

He understood Fran couldn't help him to find out more about that memory.

And he understood that everything the woman had to say reinforced he was responsible for Miss Babcock to believe they had a silly game going on.

'Thank you for trying, Miss Fine'.

He turned and supported his back against the sofa, obviously forlorn.

Fran smiled at her friend, touched.

It must have been difficult to live without remembering his declared enemy. It was not a little detail that Niles didn't remember only Miss Babcock. It was a big thing. They were a huge part of each other's lives. Much more, in fact, than they admitted…

'Wait a minute!', Fran yelled, suddenly, making Niles jump, 'What was she wearing?'

'What does it…?'

'I have a hunch! And trust me, if something will juggle a memory for me, is clothes'.

'She was wearing a black dress. It was sleeveless and had a… well…', he made a gesture in front of his chest.

She interrupted his shyness at describing the cleavage with cries of joy, 'I know! I know! It was the night I had a date with Lenny!'

'Lenny… Your pen pal?'

'Yeah! Don't you remember how that night ended?'

'Miss Fine, frankly, I don't think it's appropriate of me to speculate on your date with…'

'Not that!', she slapped his arm, 'I came back home with Mister Sheffield. Lenny didn't show up. He saw me kissing a guy – you know, he had the rose on his lapel as we had…'

'Miss Fine…'

'…and Lenny left me a note…'

'Miss Fine…'

'Wasn't it bad luck or what? Mister Sheffield was with me – he wanted to meet Lenny and make sure I was safe…'

'Miss Fine…'

'And then we entered…', she made a gesture to the front door, '…and here you were'.

'Who?'

'Me and Mister Sheffield entered'.

Now he just glared.

'Oh, all right. It was you and Miss Babcock, in a royal battle of tongues'.

He frowned, confused, 'Were we fighting?'

'You were kissing, sweetie. A lip-lock with fireworks'.

Niles froze at that.

Fran got worried, 'Are you ok?'

He opened his mouth and whispered a hesitant, 'We kissed?'

'Yeah, you kissed. It was a hundred degrees hotter in the room than it should be, by the way'.

'Are you sure?'

'Well, I didn't measure it, but… Oh, you mean the kiss', she put her hands on her waist, indignant, 'I know a kiss when I see one, Niles'.

'I mean… Did you see it clearly? Didn't we stop when you entered?'

'You didn't stop', she smiled knowingly, 'It seemed the world was just the two of you'.

'And what happened? How did it end?'

'I don't know exactly what happened, but suddenly you parted and turned to us… We were at the door, and you stayed in each other's arms and looked at us as if you could not understand from where we had come from', Fran smiled at the memory, 'And then you took her to the door, she went away, you said goodnight and went to your room'.

Niles frowned deeply, 'Haven't we talked about it?'

'Me and you? I tried to, in the next morning, but you glared at me and I got it was off limits'.

He gulped down, 'I see'.

Fran put a hand on his arm, 'Did I help?'

'You certainly did, Miss Fine', he forced a smile, 'I just don't know exactly how'.

xxx

Niles was dusting the office in the end of the afternoon. He hoped to remember something based on his surroundings, once most of his day had been Babcock-deprived.

The phone rang.

Being the only one in the room – Mister Sheffield had been convinced by his nanny that everybody needed a break and there was something about the children he simply had to see with his own eyes –, Niles took it, 'Sheffield residence'.

'Oh, crap'.

He smiled, finding her reaction adorable, 'Stop it. This way I'll never have a chance to be the charming one, here'.

'Ha-ha'.

'May I help you, Miss Babcock?'

'Yes, I need to talk to Maxwell'.

'He is not in the office at the moment. Should I call him?'

A pause. She was pondering. Niles found it interesting that she was not sure if her subject with her business partner was urgent.

'No. Just tell him to call me as soon as he gets rid of whatever his nanny has done, now'.

So, it was not urgent, 'I'll do it'.

'It's about a contract'.

'Yes?'

'Our main actor's lawyer wants to renegotiate again a point we have already discussed to death', her voice had a smirk, 'And that will lead to his death, if he insists'.

'Of course'.

'I won't permit him to mess with our schedule'.

'Obviously'.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, she resumed, 'Well? Nothing else?'

'I beg your pardon?'

'You're not saying anything else?'

'I don't understand. It was you who called. What am I supposed to say?'

'I feel like I'm talking to myself'.

'I was providing answers'.

'Yeah, polite boring answers. What good does it do?'

'Is it wrong?'

'You know it is!'

'No, I don't, Miss Babcock. I have no idea what is right or wrong, between us', he was hissing at the phone, 'I have no complete memories. I can remember snippets at a time. It makes me confused. And frustrated. And then you tease and leave me by myself to deal with what your presence does to me; and then you disappear from the house and leave me by myself to deal with what your absence does to me. And now you call and expect me to say meaningful things as if I should know how to behave towards you?!'

'Good'.

'Good what?'

'You said how wrong and insensitive I am. Now it felt normal. The moment you're back to the nicknames everything will get on track'.

'Miss Babcock…'

'Uhm?'

'Why are you doing this to me?'

Silence.

'I'm not doing anything unusual for our standards. I think I'm even helping to bring your memory back, in fact'.

'It doesn't have to be like this'.

'Now I don't understand. Don't you want to remember…'

She hesitated.

'Yes, I want to remember you', he completed her sentence, 'However, everything my memory provides has you allowing me to approach then pushing me away', his voice went to a whisper, 'If this is our usual, that's not where I want to go back'.

'You're not in the right mind to propose anything life-changing, Niles'.

'I don't think it's about changing anything', he sighed, 'It never occurred to you that there are things we should face? That we have been choosing to offend instead of talking because we prefer ignoring anything that slightly resemble a caring relationship between us?'

She didn't answer.

'Miss Babcock, I'm doing all I-…', he regretted the approach, 'I'm sorry. This does not make any sense', he cleared his throat and made an effort to sound professional, 'Is there anything else I can do for you?'

More silence.

Niles realized he had stopped breathing while he waited for her to speak.

He wanted to be prepared for her dismissal.

'I don't have any idea of what I'm supposed to do', there was regret in her voice, I thought I was helping. If it's making things worse, I'll stop'.

'No'.

'No what, Niles? All I do is provoke you in hopes you get back to who you were, but it's not working, and now you said you don't want to get back, and you said some nonsense things about what we don't want to see, and I kind of agree with you, even if I don't know exactly what you're talking about, and if there's anything scarier than that, well…'

'I need you, witch'.

'W-what did you say?'

'You don't have to try to help me. I just need you around, being your witchy self'.

She must have felt how delicious it was for him to call her that, because her voice had little conviction, 'You don't know what you're saying. You hate me'.

'Do I, Miss Babcock?', he let the tenderness pour in his words, 'This house feels empty without you. I feel empty without you. The only thing I hate about you is that you keep leaving'.

'You're saying… You're healthier when you have me around?'

He smiled, touched by the hopeful tone, 'I feel alive when you are close to me. I remember things soon after I see you. Your teasing thrills me. I don't know if it is healthier, but that's what I want'.

He could hear her breathing.

He decided to go on, 'I have the persistent feeling that I am late for something. I'm sure you are the key to find out what I'm missing'.

'Niles… I-'

'Oh, Old Man. Who's at the phone?'

(Maxwell Sheffield was known for his ill-timing.)

'Miss Babcock for you, Sir'.

xxx

'I still can't believe he chose her'.

The blonde woman was sitting by his side, her black and sexy garments in a party full of damsels and respected ladies in their delicate and discreet dresses making obvious she was an outsider.

'I am a powerful witch. I am the one with intelligence and sense'.

Sir Niles-a-Lot (who hated his surname and prohibited anyone to ever mention it) pursed his lips and avoided looking at her beautiful profile and deep cleavage, 'Franevere is a sweet and caring woman. King Maxwell chose wisely'.

'Oh, please. My powers make me infinitely superior to her'.

'There are different kinds of powers, Babcock le Fay', he smirked at her rolling her eyes at him using her title, 'Hers are related to having a good heart that gets through any dark situation'.

'She manipulates people with her smiley face and tight dresses', the woman gulped down some strong liquor, 'And with her voice, she can get through anything'.

'You try to do the same with yells, menaces and evil ways', he looked at her, 'Guess who's winning?'

'I knew I shouldn't have come', it was her time to purse her lips, 'What is a celebration in my name when King Maxwell haven't even bothered to come?'

'If you didn't care about it, you wouldn't have begged for me to accompany you when your previous escort suspiciously disappeared'.

'I have no idea what happened to Sir Chandler', she shrugged, 'And I offered you a night with a free meal, knowing it was something a lowlife would never refuse'.

'I wonder where is your evil soul when you decide this lowlife would not be starving for one night'.

She smiled, 'And miss the opportunity to see your pathetic face among so many well succeeded and praised knights?'

He shook his head slightly. The childish methods she chose to provoke him were kind of endearing.

Annoyed by his silent disagreement, she went further, 'Tell me: how does it feel to be the only bachelor in a group of stupid humans whose most interesting activity is to measure their swords with each other?', she got slightly closer to him, 'Is Excalibur as big as people say?'

She spoke too close to his ear, and he shivered.

The familiar mix of despise for her obsession with the king and desire for her as an enticing being took Niles, and he answered in a low hateful voice, 'First you tell me how it feels to be rejected over and over again by the same man for more than a decade, just to see him fall in love with a woman who's everything you'll never be'.

'I'm gone', she said, rising from the table.

'Please, don't leave', he turned and took her hand, 'I'm sure we are able to entertain ourselves, tonight'.

She squinted, not taking the hand away, 'How would that be possible, you being the insufferable man you are?'

'That's it', he praised, 'See?'

She sat again, 'I don't understand'.

'You have spirit, Babcock. I feel honored when you use your brilliant mind to tease me. If we compromise in not bringing other people between us, I'm sure we can have a good time together'.

She relaxed, 'All right. We can give it a try'.

He stayed turned to her, his hand still holding hers.

He was looking now at her profile – crystal eyes, blond locks, full lips.

He had tried to look away, but ended up on the skin of her bare shoulders and in the curve of her big breasts, and it was worse for his discretion.

He feared she would notice he was staring, but still he was not able to look away.

She smirked and spoke without looking at him, 'Lost something here, Knight of the Menial Table?'

'My good sense, probably', he smiled, 'Do witches dance?'

'In special occasions, when the moon is full and the air is warm enough to be naked around a fire'.

Jesus, 'Isn't our truce a special occasion?'

She got up, taking his hand with hers, 'There is no truce'.

He mirrored her, glad her gestures signaled she had accepted his asking, 'What would you call the fact you, one of the stars of the night, are conceding a dance to such a humble servant?'

She adjusted her hand in his, holding it more firmly, 'I would call it an act of desperation'.

He chuckled while they walked to the dance floor, and she still had a rare soft smile on her features when he took her in his arms.

Niles woke up.

This time he was not agitated.

He had warmth spreading on his chest, and a very happy memory invading his mind.

He had gone to an awards ceremony with CC Babcock, after she had been dumped by her boyfriend, Chandler.

She had been beautiful all day long. He couldn't help but telling her she looked very 60's (and he meant her classy outfit), and then he couldn't resist saying he meant her face when she swirled, proud of her fashion choices.

Niles had no idea why he needed to hide his admiration. She had been happy with his praise.

Then, she commented on the envelope he gave her, full of creases, and he explained it had been stuffed in the mailbox.

'I was talking about your neck'.

He smiled.

He adored when she was clever like that.

It payed back for every regret he could possibly have about teasing her, when she gave it back as good as he did.

Back to the point: she found out her boyfriend was ending their relationship through a letter (the coward!), and she had to offer Niles money for him to escort her to the awards ceremony.

She had been nominated.

She had been just dumped by the rich guy she thought she could finally show off in her moment of triumph.

And those things were what convinced Niles he had to behave as the gentleman he knew how to be: it was supposed to be her night, she could be winning an award, and it was almost ruined because she had been dating a man who couldn't care less about her as a person and didn't even wait the next day to dump her.

When Niles entered the limo Miss Babcock had rented, he noticed her furious stance and saw the corsage thrown on the floor.

He greeted her and picked the flowers before he sat down in front of her.

She didn't answer or acknowledged him.

It was obvious that the situation had registered to her, that now she regretted inviting him and was probably preparing herself for a nightmarish night.

When the limo went into motion, she scowled, 'I need a drink'.

'Good night to you, too, Miss Babcock', he moved to reach the minibar, 'On my behalf, I hope you agree champagne is the better choice'.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You're a known alcoholic. We need something to calm down your nerves but not intoxicate you'.

'Afraid of a scandal?'

'You must not be, once you begged me to be your escort'.

'I offered you money and a free meal'.

'You could have offered money and a free meal to any starving man in the streets, and still you picked me'.

'If Maxwell is not going, there is no difference between you and a street begger'.

He gave her the flute, 'I want to make sure you are on your feet and speaking coherently when you win'.

She blinked, 'When?'

'I believe in you, Miss Babcock. No one can maul a set designer as you do, and it's time for your talent to be recognized', he finished serving them, 'If you could leave Mister Sheffield out of the picture for the night, I'm sure we can have a good time together, with you receiving all the praise and glory you deserve'.

Her eyes told him she had understood he meant she could win without Maxwell.

Still, she couldn't quite believe him so fast, 'Are you drunk?'

'I'm probably under one of your spells', he raised the flute, 'Shall we celebrate a truce?'

She smirked, raising her flute, too, 'There is no truce, Niles'.

They touched the flutes lightly, 'What would you call the fact you, one of the stars of the night, have accepted being escorted by such a humble servant?'

She barely contained her pride at his words, 'I suppose I have decided to open my horizons, once rich powerful men are weak cowards with no good sense at all', she sipped the champagne, 'As you can see, it's an act of desperation'.

He chuckled, and she smiled softly when he took her hand to place the corsage.

At the awards, Miss Babcock started tense but confident, ignoring bravely the murmurs on her being there with a man who was not the one she had been seen with in the last weeks.

Niles threw scowls at anyone who dared stare at them, and she showed her amusement at his protective stance.

The nominations for her category were announced, and then her name, as the winner.

The blonde grabbed the butler's hand and held it tight in recognition for his support, then got up under applause (and some catcalling of Niles' making), walking as a queen to receive the statue and give her speech.

When she was back to her seat, it was like she was floating on air.

CC didn't join Niles in the act of glaring at the people around her (people who now had recognized him as the Sheffield's butler and her as the ungrateful and egotistical bitch who didn't thank anyone in her speech, by the way); no, what she did was to help him to laugh at their faces, holding his hand during the rest of the ceremony, whispering sarcastic comments on his ear and chuckling with him.

When the main event was over, they entered the limo and she told the driver to go to the mansion.

They made light conversation until they arrived and, to his surprise, she exited the limo after him, telling the driver to wait for her.

'I'm not ready to end the night', she said at his curious face, 'But don't fear. I know your old and lazy bones can't take much, so I'll just make sure you're safe and sound'.

They walked side by side, 'If I couldn't put up with you I wouldn't be alive anymore'.

Niles unlocked the mansion's front door and turned to her, 'Maybe you should get in'.

'Better not. I just wanted to…'

She didn't find the words. Probably, what occurred to her was too grateful or caring to be acceptable.

Niles decided to jump in, 'I understand', he made a gesture to the living room, 'However, I insist you enter for a minute. The night has been too exciting for someone who usually spends it alone in a coffin'.

'I didn't know you had a coffin, too'.

'Touché', he smiled, 'What do you think about one dance? It would be a nice way to round up the evening'.

CC beamed and entered the room with no hesitation.

Niles could feel his heart beating madly.

It seemed he was doing everything right, tonight!

Maybe he was not that crazy when he wished they could get along.

He closed the door and went quickly to the stereo, afraid she would change her mind.

He chose the CD and the song that often made him think of how things would be if they were close.

Well, they were close. They would not say the things they did everyday if they weren't.

He meant how things would be if they were involved.

Well, they were involved. In a certain way, there was no one else with whom they were more involved, when you think about it…

The song started, she approved of his choice with a deep hum and went to his arms.

They swayed for a while.

There was a respectful distance between their bodies.

There was no distance between his hands and her, and it made him excited to no end.

CC started talking about her speech, and Niles reminded her why it had been so short.

There was no criticism in his 'You didn't thank anyone', and it seemed she enjoyed hearing it from him.

He gathered some courage from his numerous wins of the night and confessed he was glad Chandler was not with her, anymore.

He even said the man was beneath her, what had been the clearest praise he had ever permitted himself to say to her.

He was already regretting it when she commented, in that low voice that messed with something inside him, 'Well, not anymore'.

Oh, my God.

It made him envision her naked, riding a man.

She was a powerful beauty.

He wanted to be the man beneath her.

He wanted her to do anything with him.

Luckily, she interrupted his lustful thoughts – she stopped dancing to give him the check.

There was nothing else he could do but ripping it off, saying the night was on him and taking her in his arms again.

The beam in her face when he did it was one of the most precious things he had ever seen.

The woman felt good at being cherished.

By him.

How powerful it felt to create such joy in someone!

How wonderful it felt to understand that making someone happy makes you happy!

He dipped her in the end of the song and she laughed, delighted.

He was delighted, too.

She was with him, and she was not annoyed or angry.

She trusted him, allowed him to hold her, and didn't feel disgusted.

He brought her up, and she went out of his arms naturally, already looking for her purse, 'I better be going. It's late'.

'Is it?', he almost pleaded.

'Yes, Father Time, it is', she answered, not getting his implication.

(Not even him was sure of what had been his implication. Had he invited her to stay? Had him asked about their relationship?)

Miss Babcock looked at Niles, the happiness making her eyes glow, 'Time flies when you're having fun. I'm glad I picked you'.

'Me, too', he managed to say.

She went to the door and he followed her, not knowing exactly what he was doing.

They stopped and he didn't move to open the door for her.

He couldn't do anything but look at her like an idiot.

She teased him about her being the real gentleman in the room, opened the door, said good night and walked away.

Niles stayed at the open door long after the limo had disappeared from view.

All he could think of was that he had missed something, and that maybe she was right, and it was getting really late.