Memory Loss
Chapter 5: What is love?
Miss Babcock arrived early in the mansion, next morning.
She used her key and made a beeline to the kitchen, where she found Niles finishing preparations for breakfast, as expected.
One of her intentions was to make an entrance, and she was successful – he stopped adjusting things on a tray by the sink and was all eyes to her.
However, she had wished to be in control of the situation, too, and in that she was not successful – the warm smile that started in his eyes and quickly reached his lips at the sight of her made her forget whatever she had planned for an opening line.
They stayed in silence.
Shamelessly staring.
Initially, her eyes lingered on his clothes – the nice tailored pants he had chosen for today, the hazel tie on the white shirt, and the suit coat that put his broad chest and shoulders in evidence.
Her eyes reached his face, and the already mentioned warm smile was there, making an irresistible combination with his piercing blues.
Her cheeks flushed.
His eyes turned into a darker blue.
Suddenly self-conscious, CC looked away, licked her lips and put a lock of hair behind her ear.
Her gesture broke the tension and made possible for Niles to articulate a greeting, 'Hello, hello, Miss Babcock'.
She couldn't contain a smile of her own, because he was using such a sweet voice for a greeting that was usually hers.
The fact he remembered it and had decided to use it was endearing, to say the least.
The blonde approached the island and positioned herself in front of it, 'Look who's bragging on the memory crumbs he has already recovered', she supported a hand on the counter, 'Each time we meet you seem more comfortable around me'.
'I wish the same could be said about you'.
'Yeah, I often wish I could be more comfortable around myself, too'.
He acknowledged the joke with an amiable tilt of head, but then turned serious and walked to stand in front of her, 'I still don't have memories enough to know if I'm partially responsible for that'.
'So, you don't remember some of the despicable things you've done against my self-steam?', she crossed her arms, supported her back on the island and threw him a suspicious glance, 'I wonder if you would feel guilty for the years of zingers and pranks. Because that would be a nice turn of events, for me. Maybe I start even liking your memory loss'.
Niles gave a step closer, observing her profile, 'Some name-calling I already remember. I don't remember any pranks'.
'Not even when you told me I could lick a frozen gummy bear without mentioning it would stick to my tongue? Or the time when you painted my face while I was asleep on the sofa? And you really don't remember you burned one of my most expensive coats when I told you to take care of it because the Little One had thrown up on it at the zoo?', she crunched her nose in disgust, then pretend to be confused, 'Should I consider a prank every time you locked me out of the house? And do I count the times you offered me a broom when I mentioned the busy traffic, too?'
He raised his brows, 'I consistently act so immature towards you?'
'Consistently is a funny choice of word…', they shared a smirk, 'But I would say yes'.
'It's strange to feel sorry for something I don't remember doing', he spoke, resting a hand on the counter, where hers had been, 'However, I feel sincerely sorry I mistreated you like that'.
'It sounds like you're apologizing for another person'.
'That's how it feels', he looked at his own hand, now at inches of her lower back, 'If you consider that my memories of you involve beautiful moments in a tropical paradise and the night when you won an award and we celebrated dancing in the living room, you'll understand how hard it is to me to see you as someone I dislike to any level'.
She noticed he was a bit embarrassed, and softened her voice, 'You said on the phone you remembered me always leaving'.
He nodded, 'In the island, in the night of the awards…', he lifted his eyes to hers, 'And in the night when we kissed'.
There she went pulling that stubborn lock of hair, again, 'You remembered… that?'
'Just our conversation in front of the mansion, afterwards. Miss Fine told me the rest'.
She nodded, looking ahead, 'Now I understand why this is all so confusing to you. You keep remembering the occasions when we…', she made a gesture with her hand as if looking for the right way to express their relationship, looked at him and finished lamely, '…got along'.
'Maybe my selective memory wants me to remember the things about you that made me happy', Niles' eyes went to her lips, and he lifted them to her eyes with visible effort, 'Or it's trying to tell me something I can't understand, yet'.
Her eyes were on his lips, now, 'As the sensation of being late and missing something?'
He just nodded.
She uncrossed her arms and turned her body to him, 'I was thinking of what you said… that you're not sure you want to get back to who you were'.
'Yes?', he whispered, thrilled by the change in her body language and the direct approach to the topic.
'I thought I wanted you to be back because that was the Niles I know. However, it's not exactly that. What I want back is the Niles who knows me', she raised her chin, 'I may be the Ice Queen and the Bitch of the Broadway – by the way, you loved those nicknames -, but I don't want this to be an unlevered game. Your selective memory is not getting us anywhere safe'.
'Is safe an unnegotiable condition?'
'To be honest, it never was, between us', she looked at his hand on the counter and put her there too, almost touching his, 'What doesn't mean I'm comfortable with the place we're in, now'.
'Neither am I', he agreed, his breathing suddenly shallow, because she was getting closer at her own volition, and it felt like something so rare he had to preserve with the utmost care.
There was silence, for some time, both looking at the almost joined hands on the counter and none acting on it.
He decided to offer something, 'I've been dreaming about you'.
'You mean in general, like in silly love songs?'
'What?', he was confused for a moment, and looked at her face. She was sporting an adorable teasing smile, 'No, I mean dreaming as in while sleeping', he moved his shoulders in that familiar shy way and smiled, 'Well, I've been daydreaming about you, too. And it doesn't feel like it's a recent event'.
She bit her lower lip to contain a grin, 'And what do I do in your while sleeping dreams?'
'You tease, you yell, you come to me, you push me away, you leave unexpectedly', he tilted his head, 'The only invariable point is that you are always in denial'.
'Oh, please!', she scoffed, 'You have even less than your usually just half working brain and I am the one in denial?'
'First, I can't be in denial when my subconscious is in charge, as it happens in dreams. Second, if you're used to throw gratuitous zingers like that, I begin to understand why you expect me to do it all the time', he changed his stance and lowered his voice, inclining a bit towards her, 'Tell me: have you heard the part when I admit I daydream about you?'
'You shouldn't', she answered, trying to hide a shiver and not managing.
'Why is it?'
Those eyes!, 'You keep remembering every time I left you. Isn't it enough for you to understand we are not exactly close?'
'I prefer to think like this: if my selective memory started showing me your worst, and still I like you, it means every new memory I recover is going to make my feelings for you better and better'.
She widened her eyes for a moment.
It was a daring statement.
She felt the urge to contradict him, 'You think your memory started at my worst?'
'Am I wrong?'
'You have no idea the things I've done', she pressed her lips in disgust, 'I'm probably the most terrible person you know'.
'Try me'.
For a split second she pondered on answering With pleasure, but decided to ignore the desire to explore the double entendre, 'Once I pushed Nanny Fine in front of a bus'.
'Once I made her favorite lipstick disappear for two days to punish her for breaking into my closet while I was away from the mansion'.
She frowned, 'I often forget Chester exists'.
'I often give him sweets, even knowing they are not healthy for him, just to make him stop yapping', he frowned, 'I thought he was Miss Fine's dog. Now I understand why he doesn't live here…'
She rolled her eyes and decided to try again, 'I have tried to bribe Maxwell's children'.
'I can't even count the times I did that to each one of them'.
Indignant at his cheeky stance, she put her hands on her hips, 'I have called you a number of humiliating names', she hissed each one for effect, 'Lowlife. Housewife. Servant-'
'Trollop'.
Her heart accelerated.
She could see in his face that the association of words had come suddenly to him, and that the memory of that night was ready to reappear.
Well, she had come to help, hadn't she?, 'Bell Boy'.
He beamed as if they were meeting after a long time away, 'Brunette…'
The affectionate way he said the word pulled her to him.
The heat in her eyes pulled him to her.
They crashed into each other, her hands on his face and his on her sides.
Yes, like that night.
It was intense and brought immense relief, for the unspoken desire that had become impossible to keep inside themselves.
Like that night.
However, it was very different.
They were totally sober.
They were not angry.
And there were no interruptions.
That's why the initial explosion had time to turn into a caress.
He pulled her to him with no fear of showing how much he wanted her.
She caressed his hair with no shame of showing there was tenderness going on.
When their lips separated, she hugged him tight, as if they were dancing cheek to cheek and it was totally unbecoming to really part.
She could feel his heart beating fast, his hand caressing the hair on the back of her head, the warmth of his body against her.
She decided to stay there and enjoy it, as they never allowed themselves before.
After some unmeasurable time, Niles murmured, 'Thank you'.
She whispered in his ear, 'Is this disgusting thing helping someway?'
'If you mean to make me feel good, oh yes, it is helping a lot', he kissed her temple, 'I said you just had to be around'.
'I meant your memory, smart-ass', she brushed his cheek with her nose, a mix of happiness and regret in her eyes when they met his, 'But you're welcomed, anyway'.
He chuckled and she nestled on him again to deal with the affection.
'Miss Babcock?'
'Dear God. Can't you be quiet for a moment?'
'Excuse me, but I'm the one with a serious mental condition- Dear, I think I have just set myself up for a zinger'.
'You did, but I'm not in the mood for kicking the poor sick butler, now. Just say what you wanted to say'.
He lowered his voice, 'I wanted to tell you now I remember what happened in the living room', he gulped, 'And what leaded to it'.
'You mean the presence of my friend, Jack Daniel's?'
'No', he separated from her, to look into her face, 'I mean what happened in the office'.
'I forgot to mention the chicken prank. Sorry. You must be really proud of that'.
'I'm referring to the fact you wanted to seduce Mister Sheffield'.
She gave a step back and crossed her arms, as before, 'Niles… I've told you. There are things you still don't know. There are reasons for us to hate each other, and they didn't stop existing the moment you hit your head'.
'If we hate each other, why are you here?'
'I work here'.
He squinted, 'Why do you keep showing you care for me, if you don't?'
'We have a twisted relationship. We throw zingers and barbs, we prank, we do whatever comes to mind to pester the other. It's kind of sick, but… It's the longest and more… thrilling relationship I've ever had, and I'm pretty sure you feel the same', she avoided his eyes, 'It has nothing to do with Maxwell and what I feel for him'.
'That was why you came here?', he was hesitant, 'To make sure I knew you don't like me as I like you?'
'No! It's the opposite: you must understand you like me as much as I like you', she shook her head, 'And no, that was not why I came here'.
He frowned in confusion.
'Forget it', she gave a step towards him, 'I don't want to mess with your head. Let's leave it like this. Things will come to you, eventually'.
His shoulders fell.
In an instinctive gesture, she got closer and rested her hands on his chest, 'Enough with the long face, Hazel'.
He put his hands on hers, signaling he wanted her to stay close, 'Tell me… Were there other times?'
'Of what?'
'Did we kiss more times? I wish I knew. Maybe it would help me to understand why I want you so much, if you don't reciprocate it and keep going after Mister Sheffield'.
CC was surprised at the uneasy she felt at his words.
(Since when she didn't felt comfortable with the fact she wanted Maxwell and not Niles?)
'There was once more'.
(Why had she said that? Why didn't she just said he had to remember things by himself?)
'Once?', it was not clear if he was relieved there was at least one more kiss, or disappointed it was just one, 'Was it fueled by zingers, too?'
'No. It was completely different'.
She wanted him to ask for further explanation.
However, Niles stayed looking into CC's eyes as if he had to watch in them what had happened.
'I can show you'.
His eyes widened, 'Show?'
'I've said I'm here to help', she gave him a half smile, 'Who'd say I'd sacrifice myself for the well-being of the butler?'
He beamed at her teasing.
She freed her hands and put some distance between them.
Once she had said she was showing how they had kissed, he was confused by her actions.
CC turned her body and started reciting, 'Kissing is an art. It must be sensual. Deeply felt'.
Niles was mesmerized by her movements – the hand close to her heart, forming a fist for dramatic affect; the other hand on her hip, creating a pose that was professorial and sexy as few things he had ever seen.
He almost recognized the words, but was sure he had never seen her doing it. If he had, he would surely feel the familiar warmth that takes him every time she does something he doesn't remember but knows he should.
She went on, 'But, most of all… it must be spontaneous'.
She turned to him quickly, grabbed his tie and planted her lips on his.
They savored each other's lips with no hurry.
When they parted, she cleared her throat and started tiding up his tie, 'It was a bit shorter, but was basically this. You get the idea'.
He was awed, 'Did it really happen?'
She frowned at him, 'Do you think I would make it up just to kiss you again?'
'I wish so, but what I'm asking is if I really heard you giving this little speech on how you like your kisses to happen and never told you how sexy you are, and how available I would be for your spontaneity'.
Her hand froze on his tie, 'No, you didn't say it. You first asked if it was as bad to me as it had been to you, and then you gargled with tea to clean your mouth'.
He paled, 'Dear… I'm sorry. That was-'
'That's ok', she breathed deeply, let go of him and went for broke, 'I kissed you thinking it was Maxwell I was grabbing. I deserved it'.
She shrugged, trying to keep things light.
CC couldn't look into Niles' eyes, so she turned and walked to the end of the counter.
She needed some distance between them when he reacted to that new piece of information.
To her surprise, he ran to stand in front of her and took her hand, 'I'm sorry things between us were so twisted', he kissed it, 'However, I have this feeling that, even if you act as if you would like to be the typical socialite in order to impress a man like Mister Sheffield, there's a part of you who always wonders why it does not feel the same as it does with me'.
She raised her other hand to her heart.
She had expected his reaction to be the usual hatred, and he was surprising her.
More than that: she was surprising herself, because she was overwhelmed by relief.
Noises came from the dining room and they knew their privacy was over.
CC put her hand on Niles' cheek, gave him a peck on the lips (not as quick as it would have been safe for her dignity) and walked away before it went out of control, 'Well, I've done my good deed for the day. Don't expect me to be generous like this for the next twenty-four hours'.
Niles called out when she was reaching the swinging door, 'What if your generosity was paid with nice company and strawberry cake?'
That made her turn to him again, 'Not much is left of nice company and strawberry cake in this house, once we live among Fines'.
'I have an appointment in the hospital, this afternoon. You could give me a lift, and I would pay it with the cake and company out of the mansion', he lowered his voice, 'I'll make sure it is all yours'.
She blushed and bit her lower lip.
His heated glance didn't help her to think coherently.
'Deal'.
Luckily, Fran yelled Good morning, everyone!, and it gave CC the perfect excuse to exit the kitchen.
xxx
Niles went to bed that night grinning like a fool and dancing to some music in his head like… well, a fool.
Babcock had given him the lift to the hospital (with the excuse of deserving the cake), had decided to enter with him to see the Doctor (with the excuse of not permitting him to lie to the man), and then had invited him to have some coffee with her in a small delicious place she knew (with the excuse of not sharing the cake with him and needing some real coffee to stand being so much time around him).
It had been the perfect day.
She still insisted on them being enemies, but he could see it had started sounding ridiculous even to her.
He had multiple reasons to be happy: he had spent the afternoon with his preferred person in the world, she had been obviously content to be with him and tonight he would probably dream of her a lot, after so many new and exciting things that happened in the day.
xxx
Niles knows he is in a cruise because he recognizes the ocean's motion.
However, there is other evidences: he is walking in a richly decorated deck, from where he can see the starry sky above and the light of the ship reflecting on the waves at his left.
There is rumba playing at a distance, and he descends some stairs, walking towards the sound.
People are lounging around the pool, drinking colorful drinks and enjoying the light salty breeze.
There are couples, families and small groups.
He notices everybody is wearing togas, and wonders if there is a costume party going on.
Luckily, he is wearing a toga, too, and does not feel out of place.
Suddenly, the most powerful man aboard appears in front of him, 'Ave, Niles Anthony!'
Now he knows who he is and everything makes sense, 'Ave, Caesar Sheffield'.
'If I were you, I would hurry. The dancing will start any minute, and someone will be very disappointed if you don't show up'.
'Who?'
'Myself', at the other's scoff, Maxwell added, 'We're not in this cruise for vacations, Niles. The diplomatic negotiations between Rome and other civilizations have come to a halt, and I'm betting everything on this reunion'.
'I'm aware of it, Caesar'.
'Egypt is a strategic point', his voice hardened, 'Cleopatra Claire must cooperate'.
'She wanted to be with you, Sir', Niles made a face, 'I don't see why you think she will accept my company'.
'I'm not a fool, Niles. She just said she wanted me to make things more difficult. The Roman Empire is counting on the Proconsul', he put a hand on Niles' shoulder, 'I am counting on you, Old Man'.
He sighed, 'I'll do my best'.
Maxwell had a knowing smile, 'I know how you feel about her'.
Niles frowned, 'I don't know what you're talking about'.
'I'm not a fool. I see the despise in your eyes when I talk about her and tell the things she has done. I admit she is not exactly a caring woman, but she is the Queen of Egypt. We want her'.
Oh, 'I'm glad you understand my despise for such a creature. I'll see what I can do'.
'Thank you', Maxwell beamed, 'I'll be back to my other diplomatic duties'.
Niles nodded, watching the man walk gingerly to a certain huge haired brunette from the East – the real reason he didn't have time for Cleopatra Claire, anymore.
He walked to the Queen's quarters, not happy with his task.
When Caesar first went to her lands, everybody expected Egypt to be a reasonably easy place to dominate. However, Romans were not used to deal with women in power and, even with all Niles' advises, the Emperor annoyed the Queen to the point she plainly made up excuses to not get along with him.
Realizing he must change his tactics, Maxwell decided to use his charms, and the Queen started warming up to him.
It was a matter of time for her to start trying to seduce him, creating expectations of uniting Egypt and Rome through her marriage to the Emperor.
In one of his travels back to Rome, Maxwell met an Ambassador, Miss Fine, and it turned impossible for him to think of anyone else.
So, Niles was sent to Egypt to negotiate.
Cleopatra Claire refused to even receive him, and he was sent back home humiliated and already hating the woman he hadn't even met.
Caesar Maxwell organized this cruise as an opportunity to give the same amount of attention to both women, but he was not succeeding, what sent the Egyptian in the throes of angriness, sulking on her quarters.
And now Niles, whom she probably didn't even remember existed, must convince her to spend the evening with him.
It would not be easy.
He greets her guards, identifies himself and has to wait for a while.
A big while.
Finally, his entrance is cleared, and he is in front of the powerful African leader.
In her luxuriously decorated suit in the cruise.
Once she takes her time to analyze him, he takes his time to look at her and her surroundings.
First of all, he tries to understand how a white woman with blue eyes had ended as the queen of a people with a strong tradition of familiar-restricted dynasties.
(He remembers her ascension to the throne was involved in some suspicious murders and baffling mysteries that would probably never be clarified, and gives up understanding.)
'Your majesty', he greets, bowing respectfully, once she is surrounded by guards and cats, and he doesn't know what creeps him out more, 'I'm the Proconsul of Rome, Niles Anthony. I came to offer myself as company to you, for the night'.
'You come before me as a suppliant'.
He straightens and puts his hands on his back, hiding his annoyance at her stance, 'If you choose to regard me as such'.
'I do', she raises her chin, 'You will therefore assume the position of a suppliant before this throne. You will kneel'.
'I will what?'
She squints at him, 'On. Your. Knees'.
'You dare ask the Proconsul of the Roman Empire?'
'I asked it of Maxwell Caesar. I demand it of you'.
He couldn't accept that.
Niles turns and walks to the door.
She yells after him, 'You have not been dismissed!'
He turns back, his eyes throwing daggers at her.
She makes a benevolent gesture, 'You are now… dismissed'.
He gives two steps towards her, contained fury written on his face and body language, 'Caesar trusts me more than he trusts himself with such a challenging personality as yours. However, if you have made up your mind about not collaborating, state it clearly and preserve us both of losing time in vain pretenses'.
It gains her attention.
She sends everybody away with a gesture – guards and cats.
When they are alone, she gets up from her throne and walks until she is right in front of him, 'Why would Caesar send someone else to deal with me? Is he afraid of me?'
'He is the Emperor. He can't dedicate all of his precious time to a solely mission'.
'Aren't I a priority in any comparison?'
'To him, not. To me, surely'.
'I find this answer most becoming', her eyes evaluate him with a new care, 'Would you explain it?'
'I have a fondness for people who defy the rules and build their own paths. Strength of character is a very attractive feature, for me'.
'As a self-made woman and all strength being, I'm flattered'.
'I didn't intend to flatter you in anyway'.
'And I don't need your flattery for anything, but I enjoy it'.
'Are you throwing yourself at me as you have done at Caesar?'
'You surely would have a lot to gain, being allied to me. I can't say the same on the contrary: he has an empire; what do you have?'
'Not all powers are conquered by riches'.
'No', she smirks, 'Some powers are conquered by looks.
He smirks too, his eyes telling her he agrees on the statement, 'And understandings'.
She is impressed by their alike minds, but try to hide it, 'I suppose you're aware I would be considered a barbarian to Roman standards'.
'I still can't say if you are a good barbarian or a bad barbarian, my Queen', he takes her hand and kisses it, 'What I know for certain is that I want my baby by my side'.
Niles woke up.
He remembered the cruise.
CC was his lucky charm.
He had said that line to her – 'My baby by my side'.
And she did it: she stood by his side while he gambled and won.
She teased him and was funny and smiled at his foolish joy.
She accepted a drink and they cheered, celebrating their unexpected partnership.
She went away to her Yetta-free suite when she got tired and he seemed far from ending the night.
Niles closed his eyes and facepalmed at the missed opportunity. What an idiot he had to be to not seize any opportunity he had with the woman he loved?!
Yes. The woman he loved.
He was sure. Even if she said otherwise.