Hi thar.
yup, I'm back. just when you thought you could escape me.
another Sunday post, I'm afraid. I finished this last night, but it was late and I was tired so I just went to bed.
a fair warning then, this starts light and continues to be so until about the end, when it becomes a bit more of a love story. hopefully that doesn't bother you all too much.
the prompt for this week was: 'Gasp! Write Hidan into a straight pairing using anybody, and the song 'as lovers go'.'
I decided on Ino. yes, it's Ino and Hidan. xD (slight change in maturity content, warning.)
I ended up quoting lyrics exactly, from Dashboard Confessional's 'as lovers go'. it's a really nice song, you should give it a listen.
and without further ado, I shall explain whatever else needs it at the end, I don't own anything, please go ahead and read.
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"Hey, Kakuzu."
"No. Shut up. Can we leave?"
"No way."
"Kisame could be messing up as we speak."
"Yeah, sure, and we could be scoring." Hidan motioned vaguely towards the corner of the bar they were sitting in, towards a busty blonde. "Check it out- she's hot."
The two weren't strictly on a mission. They had been sent by leader-san, yes, but it had only been to watch Kisame, who had been on a scouting mission.
And was known to screw things up nice and tight.
"Hidan, stop thinking about your sex drive... can we just go finish this and leave?"
"No, man, I like it here. Look, I think I am gonna take a crack at her, wait here..."
"Hidan!"
"Come on, what trouble could Kisame possibly get into?"
"What about the time he snagged the bald grocer instead of his target?"
"Fluke!"
"What about the time he snagged Luna?" (1)
"Even Itachi didn't catch that one until she was in the stupid hideout. What could we do? Lighten up. I'm gonna go hit on the blonde chick."
Kakuzu gave up. More because Hidan was already halfway across the bar than that he ran out of arguments. That idiot.
"Excuse me, miss?"
The blond turned her head, a look of incredulity on her face. "Yeah?"
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
"Just walk away."
Hidan sat down next to her instead. "No, I like it here," he said. "There's a nice view."
The girl crossed her legs and arms in one motion, giving Hidan a 'get lost' sort of look. "Get lost." She said.
"Now, aren't we feisty."
"Aren't we leaving?"
"Oh," Hidan said, rather smugly. "I didn't know. Where'd you like to go?"
"I'd like to stay here, thank you very much. But I'd like you to go far away."
"You know, when you and I get old and your son or daughter comes up to me and says, 'daddy, how did you meet mommy?' I'm going to tell then how difficult you were being."
An exasperated snort and a flip of blond hair was the only response.
"So do I get your number, or what?"
"Or what."
"Then how about your name."
"It's not really your business."
Hidan gave her a pointed stare, grinning rather cheekily. She sighed.
"It's Ino, you hopeless beggar. Get back on the streets where you belong." With that, she stood up and left the bar, leaving Hidan stuck with her check.
Of course, Hidan just shoved it onto Kakuzu.
Kakuzu then shoved it onto Kisame, who had just walked in. (So this Kisame walks into a bar...)
"Hey," Kisame said. "Where were you guys?"
"We ditched you," Hidan said. "Kakuzu was all for it until I wanted to come here and spend money."
"Makes sense. I found the greatest park, though. Has a carousel and everything."
"A carousel?" (2)
"Yeah, like the things that spin with horses."
"...You rode a carousel?"
"Well... maybe..." Kisame busied himself with the check.
"How are we supposed to be intimidating if you were riding a plastic horse in circles? Did you do anything you were supposed to?"
"Oh."
"Oh? What does oh mean?"
"Um... can we... stay another day? I need to do some scouting stuff."
"Fine. You're paying."
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Kisame got up really early the next morning. It wasn't his fault, he's been dreaming about man-eating crickets. And it's hard not to wake up when one of them throws a walrus-shaped eraser at your head. But anyways, he couldn't get back to sleep. The motel the three Akatsuki had bunked at that night had large windows, but no blinds, which was really a stupid combination, Kisame thought, as he blinked groggily in the early morning rays.
Oh well. Nothing to do about it now, he supposed. So he pulled himself out of bed, as mornings go, got dressed, brushed his ridiculous hair and pointy teeth, and sat down on the desk and stared at Kakuzu and Hidan.
They were still asleep. Kakuzu wasn't a late sleeper, but he wasn't an early bird, either. He got up on time. That was it. Hidan was both. He either woke up at the crack of dawn and could be found punching enthusiastic holes in the walls with a stapler or slept till noon or later, and when he finally woke up he would sit on the green pouf in Akatsuki lounge for half an hour before you could get more than 'F—k you!' out of him.
As he was still asleep, Kisame assumed he wasn't waking up anytime soon.
So he sat.
Then he shifted.
Then he doodled a robot on the little notepad on the desk.
He fidgeted,
He blinked.
(Wait, I take that back, fish don't blink.)
He finally just got up and left.
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"Hidan."
"F—k you!"
"Hidan."
"I need my f—king green puff, you f—king-"
"Hidan. Shut up."
"F—k you!"
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Half an hour later, Hidan looked around. "Wait, where's Kisame?"
"He left, if you had just stopped being so-"
"I'm aloud to be as- "
"Shut up, Hidan."
"F—k you!"
Kakuzu whacked him upside the head with a fish, causing another round of swears and retaliation by way of pointy thing.
Nothing was accomplished in the next half hour except the lampshade on the reading light was reduced to something resembling Hidan. (If he were particularly shredded-to-ribbons that day. Or wearing a false nose. Or hat. Hidan can resemble anything. (3))
"Well, you go get him."
"Hell no, I'm staying here all day."
"Do that and I'll tell Konan what really happened to her hairbrush."
"Do that and I'll tell Zetsu that you're scared of potatoes!" (4)
"I-I am not!"
"Potato!"
"Aaah- stop it!"
"Potato! Potato!!"
"Fine, goddamnit! Do what you want! I'm going out."
Hidan watched him until he was halfway to the door. "I'm going out too," he said, and Kakuzu opened his mouth to yell that wasn't he going to stay here all day, but decided it wasn't worth it, and went to find something that wasn't a potato.
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Hidan stood at the end of a small street, staring at a large plot of land- possibly about as big as three houses would have taken up. Except the only buildings there were... dead.
"THE F—K!" Hidan shouted to the crumbled white marble. "WHY ARE THERE GREEK RUINS IN KONOHA!" (5)
He stepped out into the midst of the timeworn temples, marveling incredulously at their structure. Now, he said to himself, wouldn't it be just a shame if someone were to come along and reduce these standing, rather out of place relics of the past into something unrecognizable?
An evil, rather Hidan-like grin spread across his face. He had taken out his pointy thing and was just about to massacre the first pillar when he was stopped.
If you didn't catch that, let me repeat.
Someone stopped Hidan from massacring something.
Yes.
This is monumental.
Anyhow, Hidan turned around. "What?"
"I said, stop destroying the ruins. What did they ever do to you?"
Hidan shrugged, flashing his teeth. "You're wearing lighter lip-gloss today."
"Well, I can't very well wear the same lip-gloss everyday. Besides, grapefruit compliments my complexion."
Hidan shook his head, coming over towards her and placing his hand on her shoulder. "Ino, baby," he said. "I can do that for you."
She shook him off. "Creep."
"Don't be like that."
"I barely know you. Stop acting like you've been courting me for weeks."
Hidan shrugged casually. "Alright, starting small. What's your sign?"
"What does that even mean, 'what's my sign?'"
Hidan shrugged again, grinning. "Cutting to the point, it means what are you doing tonight?"
"Avoiding you, thanks."
"Great, that's exactly what I was gonna do. Care to accompany me?"
"No."
"Short and to the point. I like that in a woman. Tell you what, meet me here tonight, and I'll show you a good time..."
Ino's fair cheeks colored, whether in anger or anticipation Hidan couldn't tell. But he thought it might be anger. Damn, she was hot.
He held up his hands in surrender. "All right, girl," he said. "I won't touch you." He leaned forward. "But I'll get awfully close."
Ino pushed his face away, Her glossy lips pursed. "Nice try."
Hidan stared at her a minute, and she stared back. "I can see you." Hidan said.
Ino raised a plucked eyebrow. (You know she plucks them.) "That is obvious."
"Great!" Hidan said. "Then I'll meet you here at 7. Don't be late." He started back towards the entrance to the misplaced Greek ruins, and Ino stuttered with indignation.
"What the hell!" she yelled after him. "You stalker, I wouldn't meet you here if you were the last man on earth!" which was probably a lie; Ino would meet anyone if they were the last man on earth. But Hidan just walked out of the ruins, yelling that he couldn't hear her and she could tell him tonight.
She stood there and cursed herself for not catching that stupid line before it bit her.
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Hidan spent the rest of the day (which wasn't much, he'd slept in really late) in a library, inking out random words in crucial places so as to frustrate those trying to find out what happens next. (Jerk.) He spent a good two hours with a copy of the half-blood prince, turning every mention of a horcrux into a blot, because that is particularly devious, and Akatsuki members are known to do rather contemptible or deplorable things.
At six thirty, he headed back towards the random Greek ruins, which he still didn't understand, but then again, since when did Hidan care about things he didn't get?
It was fifteen minutes early, but sitting on the cracked steps of a particularly magnificent memory was just the woman he'd hoped to find. He smiled at the warm triumph of it all.
He picked up his pace, until she lifted her head. It was long after she should have heard him coming, but he didn't let it trouble him, and instead filled himself with the idea that she'd dressed up for him.
She certainly looked as though she had. Aside from the expression of mingled regret and exasperation, her makeup was perfect; but her eyes, contrary to the last few times he'd seen her, looked like she'd barely touched them. Her hair was tucked up in a near bun. Her bangs were clipped off to the side, so the tips fell right behind her ears. And her outfit wasn't half bad.
"Hey there, sexy."
Seeing him looking at her miniskirt/tights combination, Ino flushed and stood up harshly. "I didn't do this for you," she said. "I just hate going out in public without looking right."
Hidan shrugged. "You look right to me."
She looked a bit suspicious at the compliment, but let it go. "Thank you." She said stiffly.
"So," Hidan said. "Are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"
Ino's blue eyes flashed. "If I wasn't, I'd have run away."
Hidan grinned at her, without noticing his grin's change in attitude. "Then," he said. "Let's be on our way."
Ten minutes of taut conversation later brought them to an outdoor café across the street from a park. (Yes, the one with the carousel.)
"Let's eat there." Ino pointed. Her fingers were manicured.
"S'up to you," Hidan replied, and he went as far as to pull her chair out for her when she sat down.
She ordered a salad, he, a French onion soup. (I don't know if Hidan likes French onion soup. I like French onion soup. So Hidan is eating French onion.)
"You like French onion soup?"
"Sucks to hell when it's cold."
Ino almost laughed, caught herself, and instead said, "That would be why it's served heated."
"You almost laughed."
Ino felt her cheeks stiffen, and was certain she was blushing again. "I did not."
"Well, you almost smiled. I saw your mouth twitch."
"Because you were being so stupid."
"No, you thought I was funny."
"No, I thought you were a git. Now I know you are."
"Ooooh, I've so been owned."
"Damn straight."
They argued on a little more, and as people tend to do when arguing, loosened up. The argument died into conversation, and Hidan found himself going out of his way to make her laugh. She had a nice laugh. (He caught himself thinking this once, and then wondered when he'd become so cliché.) By the time they were pushing back their chairs to stand up, it was dark out, and Ino's bangs had slipped enough from her carefully placed barrette that she'd just pulled them out. They now swung tastefully in front of her face, but they blocked her left eye.
After leaving the check (Hidan had had a fit of gallantry and insisted he pay.) they walked across the street and sat on a bench (a failbench (6)) that wasn't too far from the carousel. They could hear the dizzying woodwind music singing to the horses, which galloped hypnotically in a well-worn circle. The flashing lights assisted the effect, and the whole thing seemed rather surreal.
Hidan glanced over towards Ino. She was watching the carousel, the light reflected in her pale eyes. Well, one of them.
"Ino," Hidan said. She turned towards him.
"Yeah?"
"Do you usually keep your hair like that?"
She reached up to touch the loosening bun behind her head. "Like this?"
"No," Hidan said, reaching over to flip the ends of her bangs. "These."
"Oh," Ino said. "Well, yes. I haven't cut my bangs since I was little."
Hidan pushed her bangs behind her ear. "They hide your eyes," he told her. "And that, as pretty as you are, is a shame."
For a second, Ino gazed at him in a sort of wonder. But far to soon, she blinked and reverted her expression back to neutral. She sighed. "I've got to be honest."
Hidan watched her carefully.
"You're wasting your time if you're fishing around here."
For an instant, the carousel music became overwhelming.
Hidan swore a bit under his breath, having just figured something out that he hadn't quite counted on.
"You must be mistaken." Hidan told her. She kept her expression guarded, her eyes watching his. It felt like he was being interrogated. "I'm not fooling. This feeling is real."
Ino, to Hidan's displeasure, wasn't taking it. "You've gotta be crazy. What do you take me for, some kind of... of... easy mark?"
Hidan bored his eyes straight back into hers, as disbelieving as they were.
"You've got wits," she continued. "You've got looks, and passion.. But I swear, you have got me all wrong."
The carousel music stopped, leaving her words in Hidan's ears as plainly as if she were still speaking them. The brilliantly colored lights shut off.
He found himself protesting.
"I'll be true. I can be true," he said. "I can be useful. I'll be cavalier. I'll be... I'll be yours..." he could hear the plead in his voice, but he didn't stop. "I'll belong to you. Just let me..."
"Just let you what, get in my skirt?"
"No! No, I don't... it's not... it's not about that anymore, ok?" he broke eye contact. "It's not about sex, or whatever it was when I first saw you. It's not about that."
He couldn't see her anymore; he just stared straight ahead, at the carousel, which looked dark and abandoned without the merry lights.
"...Hidan?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you serious?"
Compared to the raised voices from a minute ago, she sounded very quiet.
"Yeah." He said. "I think I am."
Ino didn't say anything for a while. Upon a glance, he could see that she was watching the carousel as well, even though there was nothing much to see. It was shut down for the night. Everything sat very still.
"Hidan?"
His name again. He looked over at her this time; she was already looking at him. "Yeah?"
"Do you really like my eyes?"
Hidan grinned. It felt good. "Yeah," he said. "They're as good as the prettiest thing I've seen in a long time."
She reached a hand up to stroke her eyelid self-consciously. "It feels weird, though." She said. "I haven't gone without eye shadow for months. Maybe a year."
"You don't really need it," Hidan said. "They look perfect by themselves."
She looked a bit speechless. Hidan took her hand away from her cheek, where it had fallen, and kept it in his.
He said, "I've got to be honest. I've been waiting for you all of my life."
At this point, it isn't any use continuing my narration. This is the scene where the camera zooms away, leaving the two holding hands in the dark, just feeling comfortable. There's not a lot of talking. There's a bit of kissing, yes, but only the sweet sort that you'd never have believed Hidan capable of. And Kisame never did do his reconnaissance. But that's another story
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(1) In the first Lunitachi story I wrote, 'without a wand', Kisame was after some generic guy and instead managed to bag Luna. Itachi was furious.
(2) I once went to a park that had a carousel in it. it was really nice, community donated or something... fastest in the country, I think it said. it was pretty fast. very enjoyable.
(3) I was chatting with Hannah, and I asked her what a shredded lamp shade would resemble, and she said it would resemble Hidan. if he were wearing a false nose, and a hat, and then it went on to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (well, we did do that nose xD) but anyways. I got that form her, and couldn't resist adding it.
(4) I stole the kakuzu is scared of potatoes thing from a fun person on Deviantart. http : / x-aiko-chan-x .deviantart. com /art /Akatsuki -dummie -book -3-and-4 -79424838 (copy and paste into the URL, then get rid of spaces. it is much hilarious.)
(5) I... don't... know...
(6) the failbench is what happens when I write shikatema and decide the bench doesn't cast a shadow because it is a failbench. now my benches are rarely without fail. it's contagious.
yeeeeeeeap. xD
you really should listen to 'as lovers go'.
and there was another hidden HP reference.
and for now, I leave those of you who are familiar with deathnote and Harry potter with the notion of a crack pairing in the near future. (we're talking L and Tom Riddle.)
now, review. I COMMAND THEEEEEE