Chapter 5 When Coffee and Flannel Aren't Enough
"Argh! Ok! It was the book! The damn book that you made fun of. Except it wasn't that book, it was the sequel."
"There's a sequel to 'Learning to Love?"
"It's 'You Deserve Love' and yeah, kinda. Jess wrote it."
"Whoa, this is big. This is huge. This is Kilimanjaro gigantic! Jess wrote a self-help book?"
"Actually, it was Jess and Rory together."
"I've got to sit down. First Emily Gilmore visits the Roadkill Cafe, ..."
"Hey!"
"Don't get offended at the insults of psycho Emily. She's not worth it." She smiled. "My baby wrote a book. I'm so proud of her, my special little snowflake."
Luke rolled his eyes. "She yelled at me! Rory never yells at me."
"I've got to see this book. Let's go get the book."
"Just a second, it's in my coat pocket." She beat him to the foyer using her Speedy Gonzales moves.
"Hey! Don't tear my coat to shreds! I need that coat."
"Give me the book or the coat gets it," she threatened with a smile.
Relieved to know that they'd gotten past the Emily thing, Luke backed her into the coat rack. He wrapped his arms around her, easily taking his army coat from her outstretched arms.
"That's a tape," said Lorelai, disappointed. "I don't have a tape player anymore."
"Never heard of an audio book?" he asked.
"I never saw anyone in the 21st century who still used audio tapes. How did you listen to this?"
"I don't throw perfectly good things away," he said. "My boom box works perfectly well, and you know I'd never throw out a perfectly good thing just to buy the latest technology."
"Dust off your 'perfectly' ancient wallet and buy a perfectly good CD player, Luke." She patted him on the shoulder condescendingly. "Nobody calls them boomboxes anymore, honey."
"I already bought a CD player. There's one in the truck, remember? You insisted on it."
"Then let's go to your place! I have to hear this tape." Lorelai grabbed a jacket and moved toward the door. She put on her Twlight Zone voice. "We're going back to the time capsule known as Luke's apartment, where eight track tapes and floppy disks reign."
"Floppy what? And we don't have any shoes on."
"Shoes?" she asked. She gasped. "My shoes! How could you let me forget my shoes?"
She scampered off to the living room, calling behind her, "Hurry up I want to hear that tape!"
Luke picked up his boots from the foyer and followed her to the sofa where he sat down.
He smiled, partially because he was happy and partially because Lorelai was babbling happily about the tape and Rory and how she couldn't wait to hear what Rory and Jess had written.
As he bent over to untie the knots in his shoes, he thought about the words. He was happy about the words. Even though he had embarrassed himself thoroughly by confessing to the self help book, that same confession helped Lorelai understand that Luke loved her, and it was clear to both of them that they were back together.
Even more important than Luke being happy was that Lorelai was also happy. A happy Lorelai meant that there was going to be sex, and it was going to be happy sex. Happy sex was Luke's favorite kind, because Lorelai was hilarious and adventurous during happy sex. Even Luke was able to let his guard down and give as good as he got.
Anticipating the pleasure in the getting and the giving, he noticed that Lorelai was on her knees looking for her shoes under the coffee table. She was also conveniently presenting one of his favorite parts of her body to him, so he abandoned his shoes and caressed her lower back, smoothing over the curve of her ass. She giggled in response, added a "Watch it, mister," then continued giving him a jaunty taste of what would come later as she pushed piles of magazines and other clutter around, looking for her shoes. Suddenly a heavy wicker object landed on Luke's still-unshod foot.
"Ow!" he exclaimed. "What's that?" He lifted the basket, a larger version of the basket that had attacked him in his own apartment, off his foot and rubbed it gingerly.
Lorelai sat up, waving her last sneaker triumphantly. "Nothing nothing nothing. Just some mail I haven't looked at lately. Get your shoes on, because I want to listen to the tape and then I want to get your shoes back off again, plus a few more items of clothing."
Luke set the basket to the side before he noticed an envelope that looked eerily similar to the package he'd received from Jess.
"Open this," he commanded once he'd confirmed the postmark was also Philadelphia.
A split second later the packaging was in shreds and Lorelai held a CD in her hands. Scrawled across the disc was the title, 'When Coffee and Flannel Aren't Enough: How to Crack the Backwards Baseball Cap Code.'
"Hah!" she said. "So this is ..."
"A CD Rory and Jess made for you. I'm guessing they figured they needed to work on both of us."
Lorelai rushed to the CD player, slid the disc in and pressed play. As the first sounds of someone setting up a recording could be heard over the speakers, she became nervous and looked over at Luke, no longer joking and confident. What did Rory have to say to her that she hadn't said already?
When Luke reached his hand out to her, she gratefully sat next to him, holding his hand in a death grip.
He pulled her back on the sofa, whispering, "It's ok, sweetheart. We've been through the worst already. Rory loves you. She wants the best for you."
"Mom?" came Rory's quiet voice over the speakers. She sounded nervous, which made Luke nervous too.
"You got this, Rory," said Jess comfortingly. "Just like we discussed, OK?"
Lorelai and Luke sat in the darkened, quiet living room, anxiously awaiting Rory's vice. The evening had been tumultuous, from the moment of the kiss, through the talking and forgiving and making out. They'd been awake most of the night, and they were tired. But now, it felt as if even more was at stake. Rory's opinion mattered more than anything in the world to Lorelai, and Luke knew that if she even sensed Rory wasn't completely behind their reconciliation, it would not last.
"So, uh, Mom, Lane and I talked. Luke's not doing well. I mean really bad, actually, and the diner food sucks, but she needs her income and tips to survive. And, um, I noticed that you never really wallowed over Luke; well, there was that time you said you wallowed, but wallowing needs to be followed by closure, but you didn't have closure, and I think that you're never going to have closure about Luke, because you guys were always meant to be together.
But anyway it's not really about Lane, it's about you. You're not going to be happy until you two get back together, so I think, well, Jess and I think that you're going to have to engage your girl power and fix this, so you can be happy, and Luke can be happy, and Lane can be solvent, and I can stop worrying about you and can concentrate on my studies."
"See?" said Lorelai, poking Luke gently. "When we're not together the whole universe is out of sync."
Luke grunted in acknowledgment, pondering for the first time the impact his bad moods had on his employees.
"But you know, Mom, I want you to be sure that this is what you want."
"Oh, I'm sure," agreed Lorelai, reaching up to kiss Luke on the cheek before nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder.
"And Jess had this book, and it's got these questions, so I was thinking maybe I should ask them, but ..."
"Rambling, Rory. Stay on point. I only have so much disk space," complained Jess. "I'll start."
"So your boyfriend screwed up? He did something stupid? He walked out just when you needed him most?"
Luke pulled back into a corner of the sofa as the pain of the spoken truth hit home.
"Get back here, you. We've moved past this. Time to let go." She pulled one of his feet onto her lap and began massaging it as she listened.
"Here are some questions to help you decide if you're going to forgive the doofus or let him stay dumped."
She smiled before exclaiming, "I know how this quiz will turn out!"
When you reach the end of your day, who do you want to greet you with a hug and a hot cup of coffee?"
Lorelai giggled. "This quiz is oddly specific."
"Do you see his face?"
"When Michel has inspired a wish to commit murder, who reminds you that you don't get to wear high heels in the penitentiary?"
"Who will dance spazzy just so you don't have to be spazzy all alone?"
"Who plays golf with your father and endures insults from your mother just because they're your parents?"
"That one is above and beyond, Luke," said Lorelai , patting his foot.
"Who encourages you to eat healthier but trusts you to make your own decisions about your food?"
"Who lets you draw him out into situations he'd never choose for himself but he gladly does it anyway so he can be with you?"
"Who builds you a chuppah, keeps crazy notes from you, and calls you every day from the Renaissance fair?"
"Whose shoulder do you want to cry on? Whose hands do you want to comfort you when you are sad?"
"Whose is the last face you want to see at night and the first one in the morning?"
"Whose face do you see, Mom?"
Rory paused.
"It's not just that you need Luke, Mom. He needs you too."
Luke pulled Lorelai into his arms and rested his chin on top of her head, taking comfort from her as well as hiding his moist eyes.
"Yeah, because I can't be around all the time to give him the ass-kicking he needs on a regular basis," interjected Jess. "You gotta step up, Lorelai, otherwise the Stars Hollow universe will implode without its diner owner there to give everyone a reality check."
"Seriously, though, Mom," said Rory before Jess again interrupted with "I was being serious!"
"Luke keeps you grounded and you keep him hopeful. It's like you two are two halves of a whole that can't function without each other. I know he told you he needed time to think, but he's really just wallowing, and he needs you to tell him time's up. Time to get on with your life together. Don't let this go on any longer. Go get him, tiger!" she said in her most upbeat voice.
"Go get 'em, tiger?" scoffed Jess. "Seriously? You might have just said, "Do or do not. There is no try."
"Just keep going, you'll make it one day." No Danes was going to out-quote a Gilmore Girl.
"Run, Forrest, run!"
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
Rory reflected on her last quote. "Aw, that's just like them," cooed Rory. "Our own Harry and Sally."
"Anyway," said Jess, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "I'm counting on you to save next Thanksgiving, Aunty Lorelai. I need a turkey that's actually cooked, not black on the outside and raw on the inside."
The CD abruptly ended, leaving Lorelai and Luke stunned into silence.
"Our kids just got us back together," mused Lorelai.
"Yeah."
"I don't think we can ever tell anyone about this."
"Yeah. Kinda embarrassing."
"So it's a pact? You pinky swear that we take this to our graves with us?"
"As long as I don't actually have to do that thing with the pinky, sure."
"Aw, Luke, c'mon, it's not binding if we don't crook our pinkies together."
"Can't we just have a pact to say that we did, even though we don't?"
"How about if we cut our fingers and mix our blood, like the Indians did?"
"No! That's disgusting! And unhygienic."
"So we're back to the pinky swear?"
"No."
"Tell you what. You pinky swear right now and I'll postpone the mocking of the audio tape and the self help book until after we have the sex."
"THE sex?"
"Seriously? You want to argue about the grammar of having sex?"
"Not really. I just want to start having the sex," he conceded.
"Give me the pinky, Luke, and I'll give you the sex."
He sighed right before extending his pinky, which she hooked into hers and led him upstairs. "Fair warning," she added as they climbed the stairs. "There may be a chapter in my memoir titled 'The Pinky Swear.'"
Lorelai's dark tresses fell around her face, forming a curtain as she leaned over Luke. She was laughing and he was laughing, both deep in post-coital bliss.
"I'm perfectly serious, Luke!"
His throaty laugh rumbled through his body, resonating into hers as they were still intimately connected. "It's crazy," he insisted. "It makes no sense whatsoever."
"It makes perfect sense, stud." She wriggled her hips, clenching down on him slightly.
"You'll be the death of me yet, woman, if you keep that up."
She laughed triumphantly. "Clearly little Lucas doesn't agree with you." Another small hip circle had him involuntarily thrusting upward.
She sat up straight to explain. "It's very simple. We don't do things that have an 'ate' in them."
Leaning back, she rested her hands on his bent knees. "First, we waited a long time to start our relationship. So waiting is something we don't do anymore."
"I like the not waiting thing," Luke growled as little Lucas woke up completely.
Luke flipped them over with a laughing screech from Lorelai as they focused on their most urgent needs at that moment.
"But I like fishing," he complained sleepily as they cuddled back under the sheets after showering, during which Lorelai rediscovered that little Lucas enjoyed showering very much.
"Fishing doesn't have an 'ate' in it, honey."
"Bait," he mumbled. "Can't fish without baiting the hook."
"Hmm. I guess we can make an exception for things that we don't do together. How about if I just come along with you, wear the cute outfits and camp, and keep you company, but I don't fish?"
"Mm-hm. Oughta work," he agreed. He stretched his arm above his head, scratching his scalp drowsily.
Lorelai draped herself over his torso. "Good thing sleeping isn't an 'ate' word. This is my favorite part of sleeping. You're better than any pillow."
"Go to sleep," he said. "I love you. That's not an 'ate' thing."
"Loving each other is definitely something we shouldn't stop doing," she smiled. "I love you too."
Halfway to being asleep, she edged closer to Luke, but opened her eyes as she felt his bicep flex as he leaned on one elbow and smiled at her. He brushed a strand of hair off her face.
"Dating is something else we stop doing." Ever pragmatic, he needed to find the boundaries of her rules.
"Yep. No more dating." She sank back down, pulling two more pillows near.
"But we can still go out and do stuff, right? I like doing stuff with you, even the insane stuff."
"Shopping?"
He sighed. "Yes, even shopping. Why doesn't that word have an 'ate' in it?"
She chuckled. "No waiting. No dating, but lots of shopping. And you have to bait your own hooks." Another chuckle. "Bait your own hook. Dirty."
"So we are just in a relationship? Not dating, not waiting?"
"Yep."
Luke lay back on the last unstolen pillow, contemplating this new phase. It felt awkward, incomplete. Not dating, yet not moving forward either.
"Lorelai. Lorelai." He finally poked her trying to wake her from a deep sleep.
"What?" She scratched her ear and squinted at him.
"Let's move in together. Live together. That's what people in relationships do."
"Ok." She drew the covers up over her shoulders.
"Ok? That's it? Wow. You're easy." He smiled, satisfied at this progress.
"Yeah, that's what all the guys say."
"And I'm switching you over to veggie burgers."
"Forget it."
He propped himself up long enough to kiss her goodnight, adding, "Turkey burgers?"
Before he could lay back down she'd stolen the last pillow.