A/N: Okay, so I just realized that the scene breaks thing is still an issue, so I'll be remedying that from now on. Sorry if the last chapter was hard to follow. As soon as I get into AO3 I'll be posting this here as well. There's about a week wait for me to get in, so here's to dealing with this for now. Here's chapter two!
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Regina collapsed into bed, exhausted after the long night of providing food, clothing and shelter to the dozens of refugees from the Land of Untold Stories. Henry had taken down so many names-some familiar, some not-and Regina could see that plans were already forming in his mind as he said goodnight and made his way to his bedroom. Sleep would come to him easily after this hectic day. Regina, not so much.
Her bed was cold. Robin's body wasn't there to hold her, to warm her up, to provide comfort to her. The smell of pine needles, leather, and man no longer lingered in her sheets. He was dead. Dead and gone, like her evil counterpart. So many parts of her, missing, lost, and impossible to get back.
In a way, she felt relief that she felt so empty. The loss of rage meant no one was in danger, especially the people she blamed for her soul mate's death. The loss of the evil meant she was free to be nothing but good. The loss of her soul mate meant that she was free to make her own choices. She grimaced, ashamed of that last thought. Yes, fate had dictated who she was supposed to spend her life with, but Robin hadn't been a burden. Not like Leopold had been. Robin had made her feel wanted, loved and accepted.
Because he'd never seen all of me.
That horrible thought crept up out of nowhere, bringing tears to her eyes and choking her with guilt. Robin was dead, because of her choice to follow Emma to Hell. Robin was dead because of others' choices as well. Robin had been nothing but supportive of everyone, always there to lend a hand and partake in the heroics, and here she was feeling sorry for herself, doubting his love for her because of her past. It made sense, really. No one could ever fully love every aspect of her, not knowing the full story. It wasn't like she and Robin had ever really talked, no, their relationship had been more physical with hints of drama that soap operas would envy, thanks to Zelena.
Zelena, who had ruined her life with him in more than one way, and had carried the child she'd never be able to.
This was the thing that Regina hated most of all: the feeling of weakness beyond anything she'd ever known. The Evil Queen had been strong, determined, unafraid. Regina felt like she was none of those things anymore. Her magic, even combined with Emma's, hadn't been enough to subdue Hyde. Her traitor of a brain was giving her so many mixed thoughts that she didn't know what her true feelings were. Groaning, she punched her pillow and closed her eyes. Sleep had to come or she would never be able to deal with tomorrow.
Eventually, her tumultuous thoughts subsided into fitful sleep.
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"Regiiiina."
Regina cracked her eyes open. It was dark, except for the glow of her bedside lamp. Strange, she thought, I don't remember leaving that on. She rolled over and looked around her room. She felt heavy, drugged, overcome with exhaustion and couldn't focus her eyes at all.
"Regina. Over here, dear."
Regina finally focused her eyes on a shadowed figure by her window.
She had to still be dreaming. This couldn't be real. There, outlined by the glow of the moon and illuminated slightly in the soft glow of the lamp, stood the tall, regal, extravagantly-dressed Evil Queen. Regina tried to shake off her grogginess but instead felt it grow. She couldn't move her body; everything was so heavy.
"Hello, beautiful," the Queen crooned. "Don't get up on my account. You won't be able to anyway, so don't even try."
Regina had known this was coming. Dreams of the surreal moment when she'd seen herself, face to face, and ripped out her own heart….dreams of the guilt. "Why are you here?" she croaked. "I killed you."
The Queen laughed, low and throaty. "My dear Regina," she purred, moving forward to sit elegantly on the edge of the bed, "We are not separate. You cannot kill me without killing yourself, and I cannot exist without you. We are one, we have always been one, and one day you'll see that. But not yet. It will take a lot of….convincing on my part for you to realize what a mistake you've made. You don't even realize how pathetic you've become. You will. You will and your realization will come in the most unexpected of ways. I know your mind, Regina. I am you. I have every memory, every desire, every ounce of anger you've ever felt for the way the world and the people you now call 'family' have wronged you. I will make you see."
Regina could barely focus on the Queen's words. Why were her eyes so heavy? Was this sleep paralysis? She didn't feel panicked, she just felt so very, very tired…
Vaguely, she registered the Queen chuckling softly. "But you won't remember this, darling. I've ensured it. I just….needed to see you. Needed to see your weakness, this shell of the woman you once were. You're nothing without me, Regina. Nothing. But sleep now, you'll need your rest for what's coming next."
Regina's eyes closed and she felt the brush of lips on her own. Her own lips on hers. Soft and dry and cold. "Oh, the fun we'll have," she heard, warm breath tickling her ear, before she fell back into a complete, heavy sleep.
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Red. Regina saw red through her closed eyelids and knew it was morning, maybe even late morning, and the sun was shining brightly. She screwed her eyes closed tighter to rid them of the color. She just wanted to go back to sleep.
"MOOOM!"
Regina's eyes shot open at the sound of Henry's voice, and winced at the brightness she saw when she did. It was definitely late morning. Her son was yelling her name, and in her experience that was hardly ever a good thing. She threw the covers off and stood, groaning at the aches and pains of sheer exhaustion in her body. Why was she still so tired?
Quickly despite her body's protest, she made her way out of the room and padded down the stairs and into the kitchen where she saw…..Henry and Emma, with an assortment of breakfast food on her counters. Putting her hand over her heart to calm her rapidly beating heart, she exclaimed, "Henry! You scared me to death!"
Henry gave a guilty, crooked smile, and said, "Emma got here a couple of hours ago, Mom. It's almost eleven in the morning!"
Emma turned to make a plate up for Regina, and she quietly said, "It's Sunday. Our day to have breakfast together, right? When Henry answered the door and told me you were still sleeping, I figured you must have been exhausted. I mean, you've been through a lot, and it's expected. So we let you sleep and may or may not have destroyed your kitchen in the process of attempting to make breakfast for us all."
Regina glanced around, noting the dirty pots and pans on her stove, the mess of flour that had somehow made its way all over her sink and on the floor, some pancake mix still dripping from the bowl by the sink. "May have," she said dazedly. Normally the mess would have annoyed her; but today she just felt….cared for. "It's okay, Emma. Thank you."
Emma glanced at Regina with a shy smile and then quickly looked away to pick up some bacon to put on the plate. Was that a blush Regina saw on her face?
"Mom," whispered Henry, coming up beside her, "I'm sorry I yelled for you instead of coming to wake you, but now that you know we're not dying…do you want to go put on a robe, or something?"
Regina glanced down at herself in renewed panic. she'd been so worried about getting to Henry she hadn't bothered to throw on a robe or dress herself with magic.. She was dressed in a tiny white silk shirt and shorts, and she could clearly see the outline of her nipples through the fabric, standing at attention in the cool air of the manor. Feeling her cheeks heat up and understanding why Emma had been avoiding looking at her, she stuttered, "Y-yes. I'll go, I'll go do that, Henry. I'll be right back to join you both for breakfast when I'm more….presentable."
Quickly exiting the kitchen and making her way back to her room, Regina pressed her hands to her face to cool the burning she felt there. She didn't understand why she was embarrassed; she was in her own home, and her body had never been something she felt ashamed of. She told herself it was because she'd embarrassed Henry in her state of undress and had made Emma uncomfortable, for whatever reason. I mean, she's a woman. It's nothing she hasn't seen before, she justified it to herself, still feeling unsure. After all, I saw Emma in her underwear the second day I knew her.
Chuckling fondly at that awkward memory of her first power play toward Emma Swan, she felt the burning in her cheeks lessen. She dressed herself in a smart pantsuit and brushed out her hair quickly, using just a tad bit of magic to rid herself of bed head. She also may have used magic to quickly apply a fresh coat of makeup to hide the bags under her eyes. She was still so tired. Shrugging off the remaining grogginess, she made her way back downstairs to find Emma and Henry sitting at the dining room table, waiting on her to join them before digging into their food. Regina sat down and appraised her plate. Apple pancakes, egg whites, a slice of bacon, a link of sausage, and orange juice…in a wine glass?
"Miss Swan, is this a mimosa?" She questioned lightly, picking up the glass and bringing it to her lips. She moaned happily when the bubbly drink hit her taste buds. Emma was chuckling through a mouthful of scrambled eggs-she still eats like a child-and said, "Yep! I think by now I know your breakfast preferences, Madam Mayor." Her cheeks were still tinged pink, Regina noticed. She looked better than she had yesterday, that much was certain. Regina placed her glass back on the table and said, "Thank you, Emma."
Emma swallowed her gigantic bite of food before replying. "You're welcome. You've been teaching me to cook for weeks now, it was about time I tested my new skills."
Regina chuckled. Henry, who had been silent due to shoveling his food into his mouth, suddenly piped up, "Hey! Mom, don't let her fool you. She made the bacon, scrambled eggs and the mimosa. The hard part was mine." Regina raised an eyebrow at this and gave Emma a reproachful eye. Emma's eyes were wide and she sputtered at Henry, "You…you tratior! You said you'd give me the credit!"
"Yeah, until you gloated about having skills!"
Regina began to eat, watching her son and his other mother banter back and forth with a smile on her face and a warmth in her chest she hadn't felt in days. This felt normal, this felt right. This could almost make her forget about Hyde, about the refugees from the Land of Untold Stories, about splitting herself in half and destroying her counterpart…this was why she'd done it; to have this normalcy, this warmth. "Thank you as well, Henry," she said quietly when the two had stuck their tongues out at each other and gone back to stuffing their faces, "This is all very delicious, and a very welcome treat." Henry beamed happily at her. When Regina looked away from him, she found herself looking into the radiant green eyes of Emma Swan, staring at her intensely. She really does look better today, she found herself thinking. "Why are you staring, Emma?" she asked, going for nonchalance but feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Emma pointed her fork in Regina's direction and accused, "You use magic to look that good. I always knew your hair and makeup weren't naturally that perfect!"
Regina's jaw dropped. "I"ll have you know, Emma, that I did my own hair and makeup for twenty-eight years. As you recall, I had no magic at the time. I just…use it now, a little, to achieve the results faster."
Emma gave her a grin and rolled her eyes.
Yes, this was normal. This was right.
After breakfast, the trio cleaned up the mess in record time and then stood in silence, looking at each other. Now that breakfast was over, the illusion of peace needed to be shattered. They needed to discuss the new threat and the events that had happened yesterday. Emma no longer looked vibrant and happy, she looked wary and uncomfortable, and Regina remembered the tremors and waspish behavior she'd displayed yesterday. "Henry," Regina said suddenly, "Why don't you go take a shower and then bring your notebook full of names and plans to review?"
Henry, looking back and forth at his mothers, took the hint and did as he was told. When they were alone, Regina gestured to the living room and led the way. She took a seat on a chair, and Emma flopped down on the couch opposite her. There was silence only for a moment before Regina asked, "Where's your pirate this morning?"
Did Emma's face darken at the mention of her lover?
Emma's face shuttered into a blank look before she replied, "I'm not sure, honestly. He left the diner last night before I did. Said he needed a nightcap on the Jolly Roger and I was welcome to join him when I was done. I didn't feel like one, so I just went home and went to bed. When I woke up, I came straight here. Habit, I guess." She gave a crooked smile, and it didn't quite meet her eyes.
They hadn't gone home together. Regina let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. "I see," she said lamely. "Now, to the real question: do you want to tell me what happened yesterday, in the woods?"
Emma's face closed off completely and she looked down at the floor. "It was nothing, Regina. Really. The noise just startled me, I guess. Too much caffeine and stress, not enough down time." She forced out a laugh, trying to make light of it all. Regina wasn't buying it.
"For someone with your superpower, Emma, you're a very bad liar."
Emma's laugh died off and she glared at Regina, her total demeanor changing in an instant. "I said it was nothing, Regina, and I'm not lying. Quit pressing the issue. The real issue is, how are you handling your decision and everything that happened prior?"
The sudden change in direction of the conversation left Regina a bit stunned. "I'm…I'm fine," she said, a bit loudly, and smiled. "I didn't mean to press on. It just…worried me yesterday. Tremors are something I've never seen from you." She deflected Emma's question and turned the conversation right back around, and Emma caught it immediately. "You're different, Regina," she observed, staring at her again. "I guess I just want to know if you're still feeling okay about…about what you did."
Regina maintained a stoic expression and said, "As I said before, I'm perfectly all right. As I told Henry, I feel…free."
Emma saw the lie, Regina knew she did. Henry hadn't, but Emma was a different story. She knew something was wrong. And now that she knew, she was going to press. Regina braced herself for Emma's next words, feeling the tension in the room grow.
"Regina…I need…."
But her words were interrupted as Henry bounded back down the stairs, hair still wet and notebook in hand. He took a seat next to Emma on the couch, excited to share his knowledge of who was now in their town and his plan for them all to get to play out their stories. As he spoke, brown eyes met green and Regina knew their conversation was far from over, but for now it would wait and their wariness would grow.
Why was it so hard to communicate with her, even after all these years?