A/N: I borrowed the conversation that Snow and Regina had in 6x01 and applied it to this chapter. I really liked that scene, and Regina needed a little bit of hope before finding out the Queen was back, right? Haha...poor Regina. Hope you like it!
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Regina sat in her home office, nursing a glass of cider and staring accusingly at the wall. Henry had gone to bed a little bit ago, but Regina couldn't wind down.
Dinner had been…fun. They'd spent all day dealing with the apparent imbeciles from the Land of Untold Stories, and everyone had been tense. After Henry had calmed down, the tension in the air had dissipated. Regina had been so worried about Emma, about what had happened that morning, that she'd been pleasantly surprised at their easy banter and teasing. It was like nothing had happened. She blushed at the memory of Emma whispering in her ear, referencing the size of her posterior in good humor. And they'd talked, afterwards. They'd finally had some communication, and Regina was sure things were going to get better.
Until Emma had told her she was going home with Hook.
Regina gritted her teeth and took a large gulp of her cider. She'd invited Emma back to the manor, so that maybe they could talk more and be in a calming atmosphere. They both needed it, she knew, but Emma had turned her down, choosing instead to go copulate with the pirate. Which shouldn't surprise Regina; of course Emma would want to have more time with the man she'd successfully rescued from the dead…at the cost of others' lives.
Regina tamped down that thought before it could spread. She wasn't angry at Emma. She'd chosen to follow her to hell, chosen to stay, and chosen to help defeat Hades. It was her own choices that had gotten Robin killed-well, hers and Zelena's. How her sister could have fallen for a man she'd known for two whole minutes was beyond her. She'd put all her faith in a villain, and everyone knew that villains didn't get happy endings. Zelena's weakness of needing to be wanted had been Robin's downfall.
But, Regina told herself that she didn't blame Zelena either. Zelena was trying to change, trying to be a better person for Regina and for baby Robin. Directing blame at her would not be a good thing at this stage.
Regina's thoughts drifted back to Emma, like they always seemed to do. Emma deserved better than the misogynistic pirate, but Regina had tried to tell her that before and it had seemed to go over her head. Hook was who she wanted, who she gave up everything for, and he didn't even deserve it. Then again, she thought suddenly, Emma became the Dark One to save me, and I didn't deserve it either. Emma was just so indisputably good, and her efforts always seemed to be rewarded because of it. That was part of the reason Regina had split herself: the next time she found happiness, whenever that would be, the darker part of her wouldn't prevent it from becoming a true happy ending.
The ringing of Regina's cell phone brought her out of her thoughts, and she glanced at it before looking up at the clock. It was eleven o'clock at night! Who the hell had the gall to call her at this hour? Grabbing her phone, she saw that the culprit was Snow White. Maybe something was wrong, maybe something had happened, she reasoned as she pressed the "answer" button. "Hello?"
The sound of a baby's wails erupted in her ears, and she heard Snow make a loud shushing noise before blurting, "Oh, Regina! Thank goodness you answered. Neal is teething, and the Blue Fairy warned me that he was fussy, but-oh, shhh, honey!-Regina, I can't calm him down, and David's already asleep. He could sleep through an apocalypse!"
Regina felt a pang of sympathy for Snow. They'd already had such a long, stressful day, and going home to a screaming baby would not be the first thing on Regina's wish list. With a resigned sigh, she suggested, "Have you tried an ice cube wrapped in cloth?"
"No, no I haven't…"
"Do that."
She hung on the line while Snow rummaged for a cloth and ice, and to her dismay she only heard Neal crying harder. "Regina!," Snow cried, "He's not taking it. It's making everything worse!"
Regina pinched the bridge of her nose. If Snow didn't calm down, Neal wouldn't either. "Hang on," she said, and hung up the phone. She went upstairs to check on Henry, found him fast asleep, and after closing his door she threw a couple of protection and alarm spells up before transporting herself from the manor to Snow's apartment.
Snow was bouncing the screaming baby (way too desperately) and started when she saw the cloud of smoke, but immediately gave Regina a thankful smile. "Oh, thank you, Regina. I'm sorry, I just don't-"
"Hand him here," Regina interrupted. "Him and the cloth."
Snow eagerly handed Neal to Regina-my, how times have changed, Regina thought with amusement-and when Regina had him cradled against her, handed over the cloth that contained the ice cube. Regina began to lightly rock the baby boy in her arms and stuck the cold cloth between his gums. "Hello there, sweetheart," she crooned softly, rubbing the cloth against his gums. He stopped crying immediately and stared up at Regina with wide green eyes. He bit down hard on the cloth-covered cube and began to gnaw at it. Regina continued to rock him, humming a soft tune to keep him calm.
"Wow."
Regina glanced up at Snow to see the pixie-haired brunette gaping at her in wonder. "What?" she asked with a laugh at the comical expression. Snow breathed, "You're so good with him. How did you calm him so quickly?"
Regina moved to sit down on Snow's couch and gestured with her head for Snow to sit beside her. "You have to remain calm," she instructed quietly when Snow took a seat. "He can sense your distress, and therefore he's distressed. The key thing in situations like this is to always remain calm. He relies on you to do so."
They sat in silence for a minute, listening to Neal's gurgling and sucking noises as he continued to gnaw on the melting cube. Finally, Snow said, "I'm sorry, Regina."
Regina's brows furrowed. "Whatever for?" she inquired. Snow was smiling sadly at her. "I saw you talking with Zelena today," she began carefully. Regina blinked. She'd completely forgotten talking with her sister. Zelena had been flippant and carefree, sharing all the wonderful things about her baby and how fantastic it was that bringing down Hyde hadn't been too hard, and how she was cleaning up her farmhouse to make it more of a home. The whole conversation had been pretty dull, really.
Sensing that Regina wasn't going to stop her or deflect the conversation, Snow went on with more confidence. "I know it must be hard, even without the Evil Queen inside you. Losing someone you love, again, can't be an easy thing to deal with. Are you and Zelena all right? How do you feel about her name choice for her baby? Are you...dealing with your loss okay?"
Regina stared off into the distance, thinking for a moment before answering honestly, "I don't know how I feel. I want for Zelena and I to be close, but there's something stopping me now. She…she took Robin from me, Snow. She took him to New York, tricked him into believing she was his wife, tricked him into getting her pregnant. I…I can't carry a child, Snow."
Snow's eyes widened. She hadn't known this bit of information before. "Why?" she asked softly. Regina let out a shuddering breath, trying to keep herself calm for the sake of the baby in her arms. "My mother…wanted me to conceive an heir with…with…"
"My father."
"Yes." Regina's mood darkened with the memory of her husband, her captor, and Snow saw it immediately. "So, what did you do?" she pressed, moving the conversation forward and away from that particular subject. "Well," Regina continued, "I cursed myself. I drank a potion that would prevent me from ever conceiving a child, with anyone. I could have never carried Robin's baby, Snow. Zelena could, and did. Through lies and deceit."
Snow reached over and placed her hand on Regina's forearm. "I was cursed that way too," she confided. "King George...he put the potion in a drink, and like an idiot I drank it. He was trying to come between David and me. But it didn't work! David and I, together we found the cure. The curse isn't permanent, Regina."
Regina couldn't believe it. There was a cure, and maybe one day she could find it and reverse the potion…but what good would it do? Robin was still dead, and Zelena still had his child. Taking a deep breath, Regina said, "It doesn't matter anymore. My chance for happiness with Robin is gone. I have Henry, and I'll always have Henry, and that's enough. It's just that sometimes, I feel like Zelena and I will never truly be close because our past will always stand in the way. At the end of that story, she had his child, and I lost him forever…his soul obliterated."
She trailed off and they sat in silence for awhile. Neal was drifting off to sleep in Regina's arms, and she busied herself with staring at his face. He truly was a beautiful baby. Looked a lot like Henry when he was that age…
Seemingly out of nowhere, they saw a flash of lightning through the windows, followed by deep, rumbling thunderclap. "Hmm," Snow said, "Seems a storm is moving in. I hope it doesn't delay the search party tomorrow." Regina nodded in agreement. "It should pass before then," she stated. Why had they reverted to small talk? She glanced over at her former stepdaughter and studied her face for a moment. If anyone could give her a hope speech when she needed it, it was Snow. Snow stared back, silent and expectant. Finally, Regina croaked out, "I was an awful stepmother." Snow's eyes widened and she shook her head. "Regina, come on, that was the past…" Regina noticed a flush beginning on her cheeks. They'd never had this conversation, and Snow wasn't ready for it. Fine. Regina moved on to the question she wanted to ask next. "How did you maintain hope during those terrible times?"
Snow thought for a moment, then replied, "When my mother died…and my father, I had nothing. And then I realized, while y-while the Evil Queen was trying to kill me"-Regina glanced away guiltily-"the only way to stay alive was to never give up. You taught me how to have faith. You were the one who taught me that hope was a choice." Tears welled up in her eyes and she smiled at Regina through her tears.
With that, Regina made a decision. A decision to let go of her pain, her guilt and blame over the way she lost Robin. Taking a deep breath, she stated, "I think Hades was wrong. Robin is at peace." It was what she needed to believe. She stood up and placed Neal, now sleeping soundly, in his bassinet in the corner of the living room. Snow stood with her, and when Regina turned around, Snow grabbed her hands in her own and smiled at her. She didn't need to say anything more, she knew she'd done her job.
Regina peered into the eyes of the other woman and smiled. "You know, when I became the Evil Queen, I did exactly what these people from the Land of Untold Stories did. I hid away. My life just stopped. The only story I heard was the one I kept telling myself: that I was the 'Evil Queen'. Until finally I forgot the most important thing: my life was never just one story. It was many stories. To some, a villain. I…hurt people in ways I can never make up for."
Her thoughts drifted to Emma. Emma stopping the trigger with her two years ago, Emma believing in her when no one else did. Emma, who convinced her that the evil had not made her strong, that she was strong in spite of it. Emma, who sacrificed her life believing in Regina's ability to save her. She pulled her hand from Snow's and ran it through her hair before continuing, "To others I'm…a hero. They see my strength, my ability to do the hard things even when I thought I couldn't."
She placed her hand back in Snow's, took a deep breath, and stated the rest of her new decision. "I want to start a new story, one where the Evil Queen doesn't get a part. And I choose to believe that this story will have a better ending than my last."
Snow beamed at her and pulled her into a hug. Regina hugged her back. She hadn't even known she'd needed this conversation. A couple of year ago, if someone had told her that Snow White would have been the person who finally convinced her to have hope in a good future, she would have fireballed them into oblivion. Strange how things play out when you let them.
Snow pulled back with a strange look on her face. "Regina," she murmured, "You said there were people that see your ability to do the things you thought you couldn't. Were you talking about Emma?" Regina frowned and replied hesitantly, "Well, yes, she's definitely put a lot of faith in me lately, hasn't she?" Snow laughed. "Yes, she has. More faith in you than I've ever seen her put in anyone, not even Killian Jones." Regina could see the gears working in Snow's head, and wondered what on earth the other brunette was getting at.
"Regina, my daughter is more open and trusting with you than anyone. True love's kiss didn't work for her or Hook in Camelot, and splitting her heart with him didn't work like it did with David and me..."
Regina's skin began to crawl. She wanted to flee. She didn't know where Snow was going with this, but she was sure she didn't want to find out. She stepped back and looked away from Snow, desperate for a way out. It was delivered to her miraculously in the form of a loud ringing noise, coming from her pants pocket. Regina pulled it out of her pocket and was surprised to see Emma's number on the screen. Well, speak of the Savior. Wasn't she supposed to be enjoying her uninterrupted night with her one-handed oaf?
She glanced at Snow, seeing the worry on her face, and answered the call. "Emma?"
Emma was breathing heavily. "Regina, I knew that wasn't you," she gasped. "The Queen…"
Alarm bells went off in Regina's head. She could hear the shakiness of Emma's voice, the terrified words that she could barely get out. "What? Emma, what are you talking about?" she demanded, confused, a sense of trepidation growing in her. Come on, Emma. Calm down and spit it out!
"The Queen isn't dead, Regina. She's…she was just here, in my bedroom. She's not dead!"
Well, so much for the Evil Queen not getting a part in her story.