Chapter Three
Days came and went as Alex sat alone in her cell. It wasn't long before the hints of burning throughout her body turned into a full-blown blaze. If it wasn't for her many years of experience, she knew she would already be more than half-mad from the hunger. As it was, it drove her to distraction. Not for the first time she found herself envying humans. She would have much preferred sleeping through most of the ordeal. What little she had been able to write now came out repetitious or meaningless babble. The length of time it took to compose a single thought in writing her own language was enough for her to lose track of the thought in her distraction. The books that had been brought were of little use. She had never had cause to learn human written language and was struggling to learn it now through a haze of hunger and distraction.
Despite the clock Doctor Beckett had given her, there once again seemed no point in keeping time. Time was something for humans. She knew their lives trickled away in seconds and minutes; and, she hoped, hers would too some day. But, for now, her seemingly eternal existence felt more and more of a curse as the hunger gnawed away at her. Over the next couple of weeks, Doctor Beckett made two more visits both to check on her as well as to gather more samples and give progress reports. Though he seemed much more comfortable in her presence, the undeniable frustration due to his lack of real progress in the formula rubbed off on her to a point she almost wished he just wouldn't come back until he had something to report. She quickly reminded herself, however, that without her samples, he would make no progress at all.
Finally came a day nearly three weeks into her stay when she found herself pacing her cell in agitation as the hunger raged in every fiber of her being. She had just reminded Doctor Beckett within the last few days that her time was short. This seemed to spark something in him that he didn't feel like sharing at the time. Today he entered the prison room with a large, fluffy animal on a lead. It followed him with a dull, uninterested look in its deep brown eyes.
"Here we go, then," Carson said as if presenting a prize-winning beast. "This wee beastie is from one of the planets the Athosians trade with. They use it for anything from food, to hair to make clothing, to pack animals."
As understanding bloomed in Alex's mind, she stared at the creature with a blank expression. The Wraith part of her loathed the idea of feeding on such a lowly life form. The human part of her saw it no differently than any other food source. But, under all this was a hunger so desperate she didn't care what it was, so long as it soothed the raging inferno in every pore of her being. Nodding slowly, she forced herself to step back and away from Doctor Beckett as she didn't entirely trust herself at this point.
"I would still like to study more of the feeding process, but I didn't want to take the time to setup the equipment. I thought we would find out if this works, first. Then I can always study later," Doctor Beckett told her as he walked the animal into the cell.
Flexing her feeding hand in desperate anticipation, the Wraith queen heard none of this. The moment Carson released the rope lead, she was on her knees. Her hand met the tender flesh below the neck where there was slightly less fur, and she fed. Her eyes locked onto the deep brown ones before her, she saw them go from shock, to paralyzed agony as she fed. The pathetic wailing of the creature almost made her stop. All too quickly the animal was little more than skin and bones as Alex released the husk and sat back on her heels.
For a moment she sat with her hands on her thighs staring down at the desiccated corpse with her hair blocking her face from Doctor Beckett's view.
"A-Alex?" he stuttered, still tripping over such an ordinary human name for something as inhuman as a Wraith queen.
Instead of responding, Alex smoothly rose to her feet and paced away, keeping her back to him. "Please have it removed, Doctor Beckett," she practically whispered.
"Are you all right?" he asked, stepping over the remains of the animal.
"Yes. Please, give me a moment, Doctor."
"Sure," Carson said softly, clearly not believing for one moment that she was well.
Instead of pushing the issue, he turned to the guards and motioned for them to help him gather up the remains on a blue tarp to haul out for bio disposal. By the time he returned, she was sitting calmly at the table as if nothing had ever happened. The pen sitting idle in her grip, she seemed at a loss what to write. Alex glanced up as he returned, lowering the force field and entering without invitation. Concern as well as curiosity were clearly painted on his features. One glance into his blue eyes told her she was not going to get away without at least something of an explanation. With a sigh, she set aside the pen.
"Before you ask, no, it didn't work as anticipated."
Curiosity turned to disappointment, but the concern still remained. "Were you hurt? How did it affect you?"
"Is that the scientist asking or the medical doctor?" she asked in a flat voice.
Not sure what to make of this, Doctor Beckett blinked in confusion before saying, "Both, I suppose."
Alex's eyes continued to bore into his as if trying to read his deepest thoughts and pick him apart. After a few uncomfortable seconds she lowered her eyes. Staring instead at her hands in her lap, she let her long cascades of white hair conceal her face, as she knew her own pain and disappointment would be evident.
"In the purest sense, yes, it would sustain me; but the quantities required would outweigh the benefit. What that…animal…gave me would not be enough to sustain me for more than a few hours, at best."
Sensing something else, Beckett kept his silence while she seemed to gather her thoughts. His hunch paid off a few seconds later.
"For the rest…I wish to never do that again."
Surprised by this and not understanding, Carson squatted down in an attempt to meet her gaze and determine if she really was unharmed by the experiment. The alien features were clearly twisted by something, but whether it was rage, feeding lust, or pain he could not make out.
"Tell me, please," he prompted gently, not daring to make physical contact, though he felt the inexplicable need to do so.
As if pulling herself back from something to return to the present, she met his eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. Now staring at her open feeding hand she said, "Feeding on a human means looking into their eyes, seeing the intelligence and life turn to agony and death. What I saw in that poor creatures eyes was gentleness, innocence, and complete trust. At least humans know what is coming and will fight when they can. But it just stared at me. I felt its pain, saw its confusion…"
"Say no more," Carson spoke softly, gently touching her knee.
Startled by this contact, Alex brought her gaze to meet his once more. For one brief moment, the empathy for that animal was clear in her alien yellow eyes before she seemed to shake off the moment. Taking that as a sign, Doctor Beckett took back his hand and stood back to give her room.
"I'm sorry. I had hoped to find an alternative for you. I had not considered the consequences."
The moment passed, Alex rose to her feet. "No apologies needed, Doctor. It was a worthy experiment and had potential to solve some very difficult problems. The consequences to me are minimal and acceptable. But I will not be doing so again."
"Understood," he said, the disappointment still evident. "Well, thank you. I'll get back to work on the serum, then."
To this Alex just nodded and appeared to return her attention to the papers on her table. Knowing she would not be able to accomplish anything worthwhile with those sensations still haunting her, she let the pen go where it would.
~o~o~o~
During the week that followed, Alex struggled to learn human writing. She seemed to have more and more luck. But without a reference source, it was difficult at best and infuriating at worse. The hunger gnawed her to mindless agony at times. Sometimes she shoved the table and cot to the sides just so she could pace the confines of her small cell. Other times she lay in a complete haze on the cot for hours at a time. Then there were times she simply growled and mumbled to herself, only to realize she was chasing mental phantoms.
By the time Doctor Beckett returned just a little over a week after their last experiment, she was beginning to seriously think that this wasn't going to work. He would not find the solution before she either lost her mind from hunger, or gave in to the growing desire to have Sheppard execute her. The only thing that kept her from doing so was the unshakeable hope and faith in his friends he had shown when they were imprisoned together. She had a strange desire to match that strength of hope so as not to disappoint the Colonel. Then again, much of what she thought, felt, and did no longer made sense; nor did it matter. After so many years imprisoned and starving, she had plenty of cause to doubt her sanity in any case.
Doctor Beckett entered the prison room to find Alex once again pacing her cell in short, agitated steps. Too tired to think too much about it, he simply lowered the force field and stepped into her cell. At first she seemed not to notice his presence.
"I'm needing some more samples, if you don't mind," Beckett spoke up to get her attention.
The blazing glare of mania in her eyes as she stopped in mid-stride to spin around and face him had Beckett unconsciously stepping back in fear, certain she was about to attack. Instead, she visibly took herself in hand and reached for the nearby chair. As was their custom, she would sit on the cot as he took the chair facing her. But, as she glanced up at him a second time, something seemed to change in her expression, making it once more piercing and calculating.
"Are you well, Doctor Beckett?"
Blinking a moment in confusion, Beckett waved off her question. "I'm fine. I just need some more tissue samples. I might have found a combination of RNA that could reverse the effects—"
"When was the last time you slept?"
Completely caught off guard, Carson hesitated. "Excuse me?"
"Sleep, Doctor. It is something I believe humans must have to function," she snapped.
"I've been busy. As I was saying, I—"
"And food, Doctor Beckett. I believe that is something else you frail humans require."
"I'm well aware of that," Beckett snapped back in the same tone. "And I thought you wanted to be one of us 'frail' humans."
To his utter astonishment she responded with a hiss and growl, and shoved the chair away from them. "Out! Get out!"
Stepping back involuntarily, Beckett stared in shock for one heartbeat as she stepped forward threateningly. It wasn't until he found himself standing between a Wraith stunner and a P90 aimed at her that he realized he had just backed completely out of her cell in fear. Seeing the guard with the P90 about to shoot, he grabbed the gun and pushed upward.
"Wait," he said when the guard yanked the gun away and tried to take aim again.
As expected, the threat of being shot and having no way to heal herself was enough to keep her within the confines of the cell. Seeing that she wasn't going to chase him beyond the confines of her cell, the guard lowered his P90 and turned the force field back on. Her chest heaved as she stared at Beckett across the force field, completely unconcerned with the guards at this point.
"Get out of here," she ordered again before turning to the guards and saying, "Get me Colonel Sheppard, now."
As the door closed behind Beckett, he could hear one of the guards already keying in his radio for Sheppard. His heart racing and practically panting as bad as the Wraith queen had been moments before, Carson leaned back against the wall, ignoring the other two guards posted outside the door. From within the prison room there was an eerie silence that made his hair stand on end. Beckett wasn't sure what he was expecting, but that calm silence was not it.
Colonel Sheppard must have run most of the way to arrive as quickly as he did. Doctor Beckett had only just gotten his heartbeat under control when John appeared at the far end of the hallway. The adrenaline rush and gradual falling off had left Carson even more exhausted and just a bit lightheaded.
"What happened?" Sheppard demanded, visually checking the doctor over for any signs of injury with blazing green eyes that threatened murder.
"Nothing, Colonel. I'm fine."
"Like hell you are," Rodney piped up as he entered the corridor. "You look like death warmed over. What did she do to you?"
"Thanks, Rodney, you look just peachy yourself," he shot back in irritation. "What are you doing here anyway?"
"I heard the call to Sheppard on the radio."
"And it wants to see me, alone," John said, obviously irritated by Doctor McKay's presence.
"Look, I was fixing Zalenka's radio and I overheard. I knew Carson was down here and got worried," Rodney told them, as if daring them to dispute.
Heaving a sigh, Carson leaned back against the wall for support as he rubbed his temples. "I'm fine. She did nothing. She ordered me out of her cell, and then demanded they call you, Colonel."
Now certain the doctor had not actually been attacked, Sheppard considered this for a moment. "You think it's that time?"
Dropping his hands and staring at the ceiling, Doctor Beckett's expression took on a tinge of pain. "I hope not. But the animal feeding experiment didn't work. And she's been growing more and more agitated."
"Yeah, they told me," Sheppard said, staring at the door as if he could see through it. "I did promise."
"Promise what?" Doctor McKay popped in wariness coloring his words.
"Never you mind," John shot back before Carson could answer. "Take Carson and head to the infirmary, I'll update you on the radio."
Shaking off his exhaustion, Beckett stood straighter. "I'll wait here, if it's all the same to you."
"Doc, she's my responsibility. I'll—"
"And she's my patient," Carson cut him off, a little more forcefully than he intended. Softening his expression and tone he said, "Go on, John. I'll wait here."
Sheppard and McKay both knew there was no moving Beckett once he declared someone was his patient. The planets would move around him, first. Instead, Sheppard nodded slowly and glanced at Rodney before turning toward the door. Both sets of blue eyes followed him as the door opened. What Rodney had seen in that flat expression before Sheppard had turned away had his gut lurching, but he knew that expression well enough not to interfere. That expression meant the Colonel was taking on a duty he was not going to like, but would do as he had to. The moment the door closed, however, he pounced on Carson.
"Just what did he promise?" Rodney demanded.
Heaving a sigh, Carson let his head fall back against the wall with a small thud. He expected to hear the gunshots any moment. "That he would kill her rather than let her suffer in starvation indefinitely as the Genii had done."
"Oh, that's all?" McKay said, relieved.
"'That's all?'" Beckett repeated incredulously, his blue eyes turning icy in anger.
"Oh, come on, Carson. It's not like its murder. It's just a Wraith!" he pointed out, his voice rising in pitch as he got more irritated at the doctor's anger.
"She's my patient!" Beckett hissed. "And she's not just a Wraith. If she was, she wouldn't be here helping—"
"Helping?! It's given me exactly squat. Why can't you—"
"Enough! Just…stop," Carson said, his exhaustion and defeat weighing him down. "Just go back to whatever you were working on and let me—"
"No, I will not just scurry off," Rodney cut him off, softening his tone. "You need to give it a rest. You're running yourself into the ground. For what? To make that thing human? Even if it worked, it's still a Wraith. They're not like us. It doesn't—"
"Rodney," Carson growled warningly.
"Oh, I get it. You failed. That's what this is about."
His blue eyes threatening violence, Beckett seemed about to unleash all his pent-up frustration on his friend when the door opened interrupting whatever he was about to say. Both doctors turned to Sheppard in mute surprise. For his part, Sheppard seemed to be staring right at Doctor Beckett as if deciding what to do next. Finally he sighed and shook his head.
"I'll be damned. She's right," he said almost to himself.
"Right about what?" Doctor McKay interjected.
John ignored him and turned to Beckett, "You're not going to believe this."
~o~o~o~
Sheppard let his hand lightly touch the grip of his pistol as if to ensure it was there as the door closed behind him. As the guards had described, she had gone from pacing to standing facing the far force field wall opposite the door. He glanced to the guards to see if they had anything further to add. Both simply shook their heads and shrugged. Turning his attention back to the Wraith queen, it was obvious she had not heard him enter.
"Doctor Beckett tells me you're not being very cooperative," Sheppard called out.
Still facing away from him, she replied in a distant, uninterested voice, "Did he?"
Seeing she wasn't going to face him, Sheppard slowly began to walk around the cell. "Yep, say's you're not playing nice. Threatened him, even."
To this, Alex simply chuckled. "Perhaps I did, a bit."
Coming around the corner to the rear of the prison room to see the force field lit up a brilliant blue where Alex was holding her feeding hand against it, Sheppard found himself frozen in shock for a moment. Knowing from personal experience the level of shock the field provided on contact was enough to deter anyone, he only barely refrained from asking her if she'd lost her mind. Seeing his shocked expression, Alex removed her hand.
"The pain distracts me," she said.
"From the hunger?" Sheppard put in, already knowing the answer.
"Yes. But that is not why I called you," she said, giving him her undivided attention, now. "Have you seen Doctor Beckett recently?"
"I just saw him in the corridor outside. Why?"
"How did he look to you?"
"I don't know. Beckett-y. Why?"
This made her frown darkly as she turned to pacing her cell. "He is pale. He has dark circles under his eyes. He's lost weight. From these I can surmise he has not been sleeping or eating well and is at the limits of his endurance."
"Okay, so he did look a little tired," Sheppard conceded. "What of it?"
Now she growled. "The human body is frail, Sheppard. It can only go so long without rest and food."
"And here I thought you wanted to be like us," he shot back sarcastically.
"I do!" she hissed, facing him through the force field. "But not at the expense of the life or health of another."
"What?"
"Let me rephrase it for you, then. I'm renegotiating our arrangement. I refuse to cooperate until my demands are met," she said more calmly, in an almost haughty demeanor.
Sheppard's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you're in no position to make demands. Or has the hunger finally made you insane?"
"Perhaps. But these are demands that you can, and should, agree to."
"Such as?"
"There will be no more research, no more tests, no more samples, and no more exams from me willingly until Doctor Beckett has had three days of rest and enough food to revitalize him."
Taken aback by this, John's eyebrows stayed in his hairline. "Fair enough. Is that all?"
"For now. But if he ever returns to this cell looking this poorly again, I will have you make good on your promise, instead," she reminded, nodding to the gun on his hip.
His expression turning serious again as his hand brushed the grip for the second time. "And what makes you think I wouldn't accept that alternative, instead?"
"Because you need me if you're going to create an effective weapon against the Wraith."
"How long?" he finally asked. There was no need to clarify.
"Not long," she replied. "I will hold out as long as I can. Did his test on the male samples you brought back work? I've not had a chance to ask him."
"Well, it might have been easier to ask him if you hadn't been raging at him," Sheppard shot back. "And, yes, so far as I know, they worked. But you'll have to ask him for the details."
"Good, that is good," she said, exhaustion clear in her own voice. "And, no, he will not be allowed in this room again until my demands are met."
"Anything else?"
She started to shake her head but cut it short as something seemed to occur to her. "Do the full moons reflect on the black waters of the night on this planet?"
Confused by the sudden change of subject, Sheppard answered, "Yes, most nights. Would you like some pictures?"
"If it is not too much trouble, yes."
"I'll see what I can do."
"You have my thanks."
"Don't mention it," he said, turning to exit the room.
Once outside he was caught a bit off guard by the furious look Beckett was aiming at McKay. Not knowing and not wanting to know what the astrophysicist had done to set him off this time, he focused on Beckett. Initially he had been so concerned about the doctor having been attacked he hadn't really taken notice of his condition. The Wraith queen was right. Beckett had lost weight, and looked like the walking dead.
He shook his head ruefully and mumbled, "I'll be damned. She's right."
"Right about what?" Rodney jumped in.
Ignoring him, Sheppard directed his next statement to the doctor, "You're not going to believe this."
~o~o~o~
"It what?" Doctor Weir asked incredulously.
"She said she's not going to cooperate until Beckett has had three days of R&R," Sheppard repeated, glancing at Beckett, who had, by this point, had gotten over the initial shock.
"Let me get this straight," Weir said, staring at him across the desk incredulously. "The Wraith queen—"
"Alex," Carson threw in, suddenly feeling the need to reinforce the fact that she had a name and was more humane than some humans he had known.
"Very well, Alex, has demanded that Carson take three days to rest."
"And eat, because she says he's wasting away," Sheppard threw in with a jaunty grin making Carson roll his eyes.
Turning her attention to the doctor, she had to agree with the Wraith's assessment. "You do look pretty rough, Carson."
Heaving a sigh, Carson practically launched himself out of his chair. "I don't have time for this nonsense! I've only just proven that the formula works on the male DNA. I found an RNA sequence that might be the breakthrough I need to help her."
"Help her?" Weir said, almost surprised.
"Yes, help her," Beckett snapped. "In case you all have forgotten, she actually wants to be human. She isn't some faceless test subject, or intellectual debate. She is starving to death in that cell, and I've found nothing so far that would help her survive as a Wraith, and nothing concrete that will make her human. I need time to test the serum, and she won't give me the samples I need."
"I understand, Doctor, but—"
"What if we just stun her?" John tossed in.
Beckett's face twisted in dislike of the idea, but he was obviously considering it.
"No."
This statement from Weir had a finality to it that was the sound of a door slamming. Beckett didn't have to look at her to know this argument was already lost.
"It's right, Beckett. You need rest, and you can't deny you've lost some weight. You're no good to it or anyone else if you're too exhausted to function or think clearly."
Leaning on the back of the chair from where he stood, Carson nodded slowly. "Aye, you're right."
"Well, that's settled, then. Where would you like to go?" Sheppard piped in with a grin.
"Go?" Beckett and Weir asked in unison.
"Well, we all know that if he stays here, someone will find him no matter where he hides. And, despite having the best medical team in two galaxies, he's going to want to be in the mix of whatever may come up. And, as long as he's hanging around here, we'll have to guard his lab to keep him away from it. So, it's either house arrest in his quarters, or we can get him out of Atlantis so he can actually do what…Alex demanded," he said, as if struggling to remember her name.
"No. I—"
"That is an excellent idea, John," Elizabeth put in, sealing the deal. "Let me know when you and your team are ready to depart."
"Wait a minute! I didn't say anything about us being shipped off to—"
"Oh no, Colonel," Beckett cut in with a huge grin. "Doctor's orders. I could make it official, but I don't think Elizabeth would care for all the extra paperwork."
"Besides, John, you and your team haven't had any real downtime in a while. Even if you don't want it, I'm sure the others wouldn't mind a few days out of the city."
Knowing this fight was lost before it started, Sheppard shook his head. "Fine. I'll let you know what we come up with."
"Great. That's settled. Bring me back some souvenirs," she called as they exited her office.
Almost envying them, she watched the two of them leave. Already her mind had turned back to the current goings on of the city she found herself running. But the perplexing puzzle of a Wraith that did not want to be a Wraith continued to tickle the back of her mind. Deciding it was time to meet this unusual character for herself, she made a note to remind herself to take a detour down to the prison tomorrow.
And promptly forgot it as the next crisis landed on her desk a few minutes later.
~o~o~o~
Instead of finding themselves dropped off without radios, a Jumper, or other contacts with Atlantis, the group of four found themselves essentially marooned with meager supplies for three days on the mainland; the meager part being Rodney's opinion of the situation, of course. Teyla had taken to visiting her fellow Athosians on New Athos while Ronon and John had gone to the beach where the Colonel thought to teach the former runner how to surf. In short order Ronon was teaching him a thing or two about riding the waves. Meanwhile, Carson and Rodney stationed themselves a few hours' walk from the ruins of an old settlement near a river teaming with fish; Rodney, of course, complaining the entire time as Beckett had the time of his life.
The three days that started off feeling as if they were some sort of a punishment, were gone all too soon. When the Jumper came to pick them all up, reluctance was the theme of the day. But, without complaint, they all packed up their gear and supplies and returned to the reality of their existence in this foreign galaxy. As promised, John brought a handful of printed pictures he had taken of the moons on the late night waters. Carson dropped his fishing gear and was back in his lab coat before anyone even had a chance to register the fact that he was back. Handing the pictures over to Beckett, Sheppard headed to Weir's office hoping no one had noticed his return, yet. Grabbing up his kits, Beckett headed toward the prisons with an enthusiastic grin and bounce in his step.
He greeted the guards outside Alex's prison room with a smile as they let him in. Once inside, the reality of the situation struck him all over again with a near crushing force. Alex, sitting on her cot, seemingly staring off at nothing, failed to notice his entrance. She seemed little more than a lifeless husk of what she had been only weeks ago.
"Good morning, Alex," Carson called, as he reached for the force field controls.
"Stop," she called, still not turning to face him. With what appeared to be a greater effort than the movement warranted, she heaved a sigh and pulled herself to her feet, tottering slightly. Moving toward the door of the cell, she eyed him critically. "You're looking better."
Eyeing her just as critically, Carson forced a smile. "Oh, aye. Your demands have been met in full."
"Good," she said, nodding in satisfaction. "To explain, I've decided it is not safe for you or anyone else to enter my cell while conscious. While I may be somewhat in control of my faculties at the moment, that can change swiftly. As I believe you experienced for yourself."
"Think nothing of it," Doctor Beckett replied, hoping to brush off the whole thing.
"No, Doctor. This is my new demand, so to speak. I will be stunned, or otherwise incapacitated, before the force field is dropped."
For a moment Beckett seemed to want to argue, but recalling the terror he had felt when last in her presence left him no choice. Nodding sadly, he turned to the sergeant on duty that held the stunner. Alex turned back toward her cot and sat leaning back slightly as she waited for the inevitable.
"Alex," Carson called, motioning Sergeant Holmes to wait a moment.
"Yes, Doctor?" she said, not bothering to face him.
"I'm sorry."
Seeming confused, she cocked her head at him. "For what?"
"I had hoped to have a working serum before now."
"Ah, yes. Don't let it concern you Doctor. I knew what may happen when I agreed to this. Please, continue your work. I will hold out as long as I can."
Carson nodded sadly again. "The formula works on the male DNA. I may have found an RNA combination that will work for female, as well. I will begin testing it today."
"Very well."
As it seemed there was nothing more to say, Beckett nodded for Holmes to drop the force field. Alex sat rigidly on her cot as Holmes took aim and fired through the bars of the cell before the door had even opened. Three shots later she lay motionless on the cot with her feeding hand extending over the side. When Beckett moved to enter the cell, Holmes held him back gently.
"Let me check first, Doctor," Holmes said.
Sliding past Carson, the man knelt beside the feeding hand and gripped her wrist in an iron fist. Seeing she gave no reaction, he nodded to Beckett. Hefting his kit, Beckett followed. Not sure how long she would remained stunned, even in her weakened state, he gathered his samples as quickly as possible while Holmes continued to keep her feeding hand in an unbreakable grip. Once finished, he remembered the pictures Sheppard had given him. He left them on the floor beside the cot as he exited with Holmes close behind. With one last sad look, Carson took his samples and offered up a small prayer that this RNA sequence would be the one. Otherwise he was soon going to lose a patient he had never expected to have, but was fiercely devoted to saving.