Chapter Eight
With all that had been on her mind that morning, she hadn't even noticed the crowds in the mess hall, or how they parted whenever she came near. Not wanting a repeat of the previous night, she loaded the tray with enough food for at least two meals. This she took back to her quarters. One portion she ate until she could eat no more. The rest she stashed in a bag and took with her when she headed out.
As agreed, Alex began her private sessions with Instructor Glover. And, as promised, he made her "kiss the mat" more times than she could remember. Bruised and battered after the one-hour session, she explained what had happened the night before and sat down in the corridor just outside the sparring room to eat what she had brought before leaving. After this she returned to her quarters for another shower and a change of clothes.
Eyeing the laptop, she knew she'd been neglecting it lately, but had begun to feel, too, that she had nothing of value to contribute anymore. Nonetheless, she took it with her when her stomach growled painfully just two hours after her last meal. Knowing how crowded the mess hall was likely to be, she considered her options. She still hadn't come up with any solutions by the time she reached the mess hall, since pretty much every balcony she passed was occupied.
This time, however, Alex noticed how the crowds parted as she approached. Slipping her laptop under her arm, she took up a tray and roamed the tables of food blatantly ignoring everyone else as the hum of conversation shifted once again to a darker, whispered tone. Acting as if she were the only person present, she filled her tray and turned toward the tables. As expected, every one of them was occupied. Checking a disappointed sigh, she turned toward the doors hoping she might find a quiet place outside her quarters, at least.
"Alex!"
Hearing her name called, Alex glanced over her shoulders to a woman seated at a far table near the wall opposite the doors. The blond waved to get her attention and smiled invitingly. She felt the familiar stab of cold hate as she spotted Teyla rising from her chair opposite the blond woman and leaving with her still-full tray in hand. Alex hesitated for a moment before turning to make her way across the floor. As before, people stood up, pulled chairs away, and did everything they could to avoid making contact with her. The blond also appeared to ignore this, but her sharp eyes definitely noticed.
"Hi, Alex. I'm Doctor Heightmeyer. Doctor Weir and Doctor Beckett told me about you. I was just talking to Colonel Sheppard about you earlier today. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to meet you, yet. Have a seat. We can have lunch together."
Alex glanced over her shoulder to where Teyla had moved to another table. "What about Teyla?"
"She decided to have lunch with some other friends. Please, sit down. I don't bite."
Seeing no way out of this without being bluntly rude, Alex sat her tray down and placed the laptop beside it. Heightmeyer eyed the laptop with a bit of a grin as Alex pulled out a chair to sit.
"Doctor McKay won't even let you have a lunch break?" she asked with a grin to show she was teasing.
Glancing at the laptop, Alex shrugged. "I had hoped to perhaps find something of use to give him today."
For a moment Heightmeyer eyed Alex before saying, "This is just lunch. Not a session."
"Session?" Alex asked, forcing herself to relax somewhat.
Kate nodded taking a sip of her juice. "Yes. When I meet with my patients, it's usually in a one-hour session."
"I see. And what happens in these sessions, if I may ask?"
"I listen. Sometimes prompt them to talk about relevant things. I try to get to the core of any emotional or mental issues they may be struggling with. And I give advice on how to deal with those issues."
Alex nodded as she chewed, seeming to take this in. "Humans feel so much. It's no wonder a doctor is needed to specialize in such things."
"Right," Kate said with a smile. "In any case, I'm on my lunch break. You're welcome to talk, but it doesn't have to be formal. We can just be two friends having lunch."
"Friends," Alex said, contemplating this. "Are friendships really formed so casually among humans?"
"Sometimes. Circumstances and personalities aside, its human nature to want to connect with others. To share experiences with others. We are social animals."
Alex frowned darkly. "Not animals," she corrected.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking of your background when I said that."
"No apologies needed. It was just that distinction that lead me to despising the Wraith as I do."
"Understandable."
"On the subject of relationships, I have read of dedicated relationships," Alex seemed to struggle with wording for a moment. "Love relationships, I guess they're called. I understand the physiology of humans and that there is a deeper physical bond in such relationships. Are they so casually formed as well?"
Sensing there was more to this question and not wanting to give the woman a false impression, Heightmeyer considered her next words closely. "They can be. There are many different types of love and relationships. Some physical relationships are mutually satisfying without ever having any emotional connection. Other types of love relationships are focused almost entirely on the emotional bonding. And then there's the love of friends with no physical connection. And, of course, sibling love. Just to name a few. Relationships can be formed on an instant, or take many years to develop. But no two are the same."
Kate gave Alex a few moments to digest this as she continued her own light lunch. Eventually she asked, "Is there someone you have feelings for?"
Alex refocused her cat-like eyes on the doctor almost suspiciously. Having to remind herself that humans cannot read other's thoughts as Wraith do. Finally she shook off this suspicion.
"I do not know, exactly," she finally decided to reply. "I only just today learned that Carson and John consider me a friend."
"That's good to hear," Kate said with a genuine smile. "Everyone should have friends."
After a few more minutes of eating in silence, Doctor Heightmeyer glanced at her watch. "I have a meeting in a little while. I imagine you have lots of questions. Whenever you feel like dropping in, your shadows can show you the way to my office. You don't need an appointment. It's nothing official. But I'll be more than happy to help you adjust."
"Thank you. I will," Alex said, unable to deny a smile to match the doctor's.
~o~o~o~
Days came and went and Alex found herself keeping busy. She was once again roaming the halls of the city in the daytime hours with the other occupants. They still avoided her or eyed her with open hostility, but she had learned to ignore them. Word spread quickly of her taking up hand-to-hand combat training leaving many even more wary of her. Dark rumors about her seemed to spread like wildfire no matter what she did or did not do. Tales of her near legendary prowess in all things martial arts were quickly followed with rumors of her closeting herself with Glover in over to control his mind. Other told of her epic failure as a student making Sheppard force Glover into teaching her in private lessons to put her in her place. And, inevitably, there were those who whispered even darker things in the shadowed corners of the city about Alex, Doctor Beckett's Pet Wraith and what else she might be up to.
When Alex found herself confronted with no idea what else to add to Doctor McKay's growing database, she inevitably found herself in another gym or sparring room. More often than not, she was alone. On rare occasion, those she had thus far encountered in Glover's classes would tolerate her presence, at best; and leave her to her own devices on the other side of the gym or sparring room opposite them.
She kept her daily one-on-one sessions with Glover who was virtually speechless as her ability to learn and put into practice what they had gone over. In less than a month, she had learned all she could from him and was recommended to another. They and Carson speculated that her adaptability was likely a side effect of her being so new to her human body and still adapting to it; that, combined with a Wraith's natural speed and strength being superior that of a normal human definitely gave her an edge. Carson cheerfully encouraged her to go out and learn anything else she had an interest in while her mind and body were still adapting at a rate even more pronounced than that of a child.
In the meantime, she returned to Glover's evening classes. Lorne was surprised to see Alex back in the group one evening. When she hadn't shown up after her tangle with Daniels, he figured she had given up. Seeing her back and far more skilled as well as more confident than he had ever seen her, he couldn't help but be happy for her.
Meanwhile, Carson made good on his promise and modified the Wraith Retrovirus formula to further suppress her Wraith DNA. To test this, she had a particularly brutal session with Glover that left her hurting from head to toe. Carson, overseeing this experiment, winced in pain more than once; but found himself just shaking his head as Alex's smile convinced him she was thoroughly enjoying the match.
When she finally did limp over to him and all his equipment in the corner, her chest was heaving and she looked positively radiant to him with her beaming smile; despite the numerous areas that were already beginning to swell and change color. Her glucose test came out just a tiny bit below normal, but in no way life threatening. After he was certain Alex would not go into insulin shock, he led her back to the infirmary. There he ran more thorough tests. As expected, her appetite was voracious; but Carson was prepared. By the next morning, Alex's food intake was normalizing and she was still covered in bruises. They were healing far more rapidly than any human, but in no way would she be in danger of going into insulin shock again.
Alex seemed disappointed.
"What's wrong, Alex?" Carson prodded, disconnecting her from an array of equipment.
Not for the first time, Alex reminded herself that she needed to be more careful with her expressions. Human faces were nothing like a Wraith. "I'm still regenerating, if more slowly."
"Aye," he agreed, returning his focus to her.
"And that means I could live indefinitely, still."
"True," he said cheerfully.
Seeing that he wasn't grasping where her thoughts were going, Alex frowned slightly as she considered how to say what she was thinking. "Some of the things and experiences humans hold so dear is because of a finite existence. What we have today can be gone tomorrow, and certainly will not last forever."
Carson's expression softened as understanding dawned in his blue eyes. "That is very true, love. I could not have said it better myself."
"I don't want to outlive my friends, my mate, my children, and everything that I know."
Sensing the dark mood turning oppressive, Carson fished for something to lighten it up. As an idea struck him he asked, "You want children, then? Screaming little buggers running around breaking stuff and getting more food on themselves then in themselves?"
Alex frowned slightly. "I wasn't like that."
With a grin he replied, "You've never spent time around the really young humans."
"You don't want children?"
"I do. Someday. Maybe when I find someone to settle down with. For now, I've got my hands full with the Athosian children I see from time to time. That's quite enough."
The dark moment having passed, Carson patted her on the shoulder. "Not to worry, lass. I'll continue to work on the formula. In the meantime, off with you. And take those statues of yours with you."
With a smile, Alex bounced up off the bed and headed for her quarters. She suddenly remembered something about Wraith reproduction and technology that she was certain she hadn't yet included in her information for Doctor McKay.
~o~o~o~
One day rolled into another, and Alex kept with her routine of trading out laptops daily, getting her injection in the infirmary every morning, meeting with various martial arts instructors, and meeting almost daily with Doctor Heightmeyer. She was amazed how much she learned in so short a time. She began to feel as if she was finally making progress in really becoming human. Kate gave her occasional advice, but more frequently just answered her questions or listened. She listened when Alex discussed her plans, hopes, and dreams for the future. She didn't mock or try to dissuade her. She often encouraged and even gave ideas on how to make it things happen.
The open hostility and suspicion Alex still found herself surrounded by daily eventually began to wear on her, however. The sense of isolation grew incrementally. Despite seeing dozens or even hundreds of people daily, none would interact with her. Often they would cross to the other side of a corridor or even change directions entirely to avoid coming too close to her and her guards. Though she voiced this to Heightmeyer, she had nothing to really advise in this situation other than the opinions of those she cared about were all that mattered.
One evening Alex found herself restless and not wanting to just roam the halls. Grabbing a few things, she headed for a little-used sparring room. Taking up the bantos, she began flowing from form to form pushing away all other thoughts and feelings. For a while she just let herself be lost in the motions of her body.
She was jarred out of this suddenly when a cold spike of hate felt as if it had stabbed her in the back of her head. Turning, she caught a glimpse of Teyla just passing between the guards at the door.
"Teyla, stop," she called a bit more forcefully than she intended. She winced internally as she realized that it came off more as a command.
"Excuse me?" Teyla turned around, a dangerous glare in her eyes.
"I can feel it," Alex said.
"Feel what?"
"Your hate. It's cold and sharp, like a blade."
Taking a couple threatening steps forward, Teyla's face twisted in open fury, "How dare you invade my thoughts."
"You're projecting!" Alex snapped, feeling her own hostility rising. "Didn't Carson or John tell you?"
Taken aback, Teyla stopped just beyond the edge of the mat. "No."
Alex nodded, as she turned to put away the bantos sticks. "There's no need for you to leave. I was just about to go."
Teyla continued to hold her bag and eye Alex warily.
"Why?" Alex asked, wearily.
"Why what?" Teyla asked, all outward calm once more.
"Do you hate me because you still see me as a Wraith? Or is it because I fed on John?"
Teyla seemed to consider this for a second before saying, "Both."
Alex nodded. "Since you seem to share the general feeling of Atlantis regarding my continued existence, may I ask you something?"
Teyla remained silent.
"Am I never to be forgiven? Is there nothing I can do to prove my humanity aside from dying?"
Teyla's expression softened a little as she seemed to be seriously considering this. "What does it matter to you?"
"Kate says that only the opinions of my friends should matter. And yet, earning the trust of the people within this city and finding something I can do to be of use in fighting the Wraith still matters to me very much."
"So you want our approval?"
"No. Maybe," Alex said, confusing her own thoughts and feelings. "Never mind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Your feelings are your own. I promise I have never, and will never invade your thoughts."
Teyla just nodded.
"One last thing, though. What would you do if Carson's formula works and it is spread from hive to hive? Hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of former wraith populating the galaxy. Would you hate them, as well?"
Seeing in Teyla's glare that she had no intention of answering this hypothetical question Alex grabbed her bag and headed out the open door. Instead of going straight to her quarters, she meandered a bit reluctant to return to the confines of her quarters. Passing an empty balcony, she glanced out to see a scene that still held her in awe. Three moons had risen over the black nighttime waters. Their rippled reflections left distinct paths across the seemingly endless ocean.
For one moment Alex fantasized walking those paths out into the sky and leaving all this behind. For the first time she realized she just wanted to disappear. Despite the three friends she had made, she felt as if she had begun to drift without an anchor and without purpose. Perhaps this whole thing really was some kind of experiment and nothing more to Carson. Perhaps Kate was just studying her to gauge how other Wraith might react after their conversion. Perhaps John hadn't really forgiven her and all of this was just some sort of twisted revenge for him.
And she couldn't even age or die like a normal human.
The thought of this going on forever was almost enough to make that well of feelings inside her burst. Suddenly she wished more than ever that Carson was with her. She wanted his comforting presence to soothe away this pain, this fear.
Realizing her cheeks were wet and she had begun to sniffle, Alex shook herself. These thoughts would accomplish nothing. Somehow she would earn their trust. And, one day, she would make herself useful. For now, she had the laptop and any knowledge she could provide to help them fight the Wraith. It would have to be enough, for now.
Leaving the balcony after one last look at the awe-inspiring beauty of the night sky, she headed back to her quarters. Stashing her bag on its shelf, she spotted an unfamiliar laptop sitting on her bedside table. It wasn't the one Doctor McKay usually gave her, as it was a different color. Picking it up, she noted that it felt heavier, too. Thinking that perhaps he was just changing them out or one of them had malfunctioned and he replaced it, she sat it back on the bed side table and headed for a shower.
~o~o~o~
Despite a long, soothing hot shower, Alex found herself still restless. Trying to sleep left her tossing and turning. Her mind was a mucky mixture of emotions and thoughts she couldn't untangle. She considered her earlier display of emotions, inevitably coming back to Carson. Aside from her obvious feelings toward him, she had begun to feel as if she had somehow failed him. Her lack of usefulness seemed to reflect on him, in her mind; and on John.
Her mind and emotions too snarled by this point to let her sleep, Alex gave up on sleep and decided to get an early breakfast before it got too busy. At five o'clock in the morning, she had at least some hope of finding a seat and being left to herself. Glancing at the laptop, she heaved a sigh as she hefted it. If she was going to prove her usefulness to herself and them, she had to keep going. She had to keep digging for things she could remember of the Wraith that would help them.
As ever, her guards followed her to the mess hall seeming entirely unconcerned with her unusually early stroll. Alex very nearly gave an open sigh of relief when she entered through the open double doors to see the mess hall virtually empty. At most there were maybe twenty people. Setting her laptop on a table, she opened it up and hit the power button. Knowing it would take a few minutes to boot up, she headed toward a long table filled with several pots of fresh coffee. There she found Major Lorne pouring himself a cup of coffee. Seeming more asleep than awake, he gave her a smile of acknowledgement; which somewhat surprised her.
"Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning, Major Lorne."
"You're up early," he commented, sipping his coffee. "I don't usually see you in here before six."
"I couldn't sleep," she explained, pouring herself a cup of coffee and repressing the urge to smile giddily at this seemingly mundane human interaction. "I thought I'd—"
In the next instant the world exploded in a haze of impossibly bright white light, noise, and pain. Slowly she came back to her surroundings as she felt someone moving under her. They gently moved her to the side and rose. So dazed was she, that she couldn't make sense of what was happening. For a moment, she wondered where she was. She found herself struggling to her knees facing a closed set of double doors. From somewhere nearby the sounds of screams eventually began to penetrate the humming that had taken over her mind.
"It was her laptop!" someone screamed. "She's trying to kill us!"
"Would you just shut up? Get over here and help me with the wounded," a familiar voice shouted back.
Attempting to turn herself around to face these distant, hum-muted voices Alex felt as if her body was somewhere far away. Instead of turning, it leaned sideways against the wall. Turning her head, she was able to make out a scene of devastation that her scattered mind could not comprehend. Still feeling distant and numb, she saw that the table on which she had set her laptop was no more. Her guards, Birchmore and Weiss, were now across the room in broken, bloody heaps against a wall close to her. Many other people who had been further away from the blast sat holding bloody, ragged or burnt wounds. The hum of voices continued to enter her ears, but meant nothing to her numbed mind.
"Huxley, just keep pressure on the wound. Beckett and his team will be here soon."
"We said she should be locked up!" a hysterical woman screamed. "She's been plotting to kill us all!"
Alex continued to watch the scene as it played out, but she was too numb to care to try to make sense of it all. Somehow, even in the fog of pain and encroaching numbness, she knew they were talking about her. Still sitting against a wall watching with blank expression, Alex saw someone pick up a knife from the floor and start toward her. It never even crossed her mind to move or defend herself. She just stared mutely as he approached, her limbs too far away to obey her commands anyway.
Suddenly the man was shoved violently away as someone stepped between her and the rest of the angry mob of four that appeared to be gaining momentum. Drawing his pistol, he held it ready.
"Hasn't there been enough bloodshed here? We don't know what happened. She was caught in the blast as much as all of us. I doubt she's trying to kill anyone."
"That's bullshit. It was her laptop!"
"Enough! Anyone else wanting more blood is going to have to get through me. We'll sort this out later. For now, leave her alone. Get back to helping the others."
Seeing that they were going to obey without further argument, Major Lorne holstered his pistol. He turned to eye Alex for a moment.
"You alright?"
Thinking he was referring to the incident with the man and the knife, she nodded.
"Just stay here. I've got to help the others."
Lorne turned back to the remaining survivors of the blast and resumed his interrupted conversation on the radio. "All I know is that the laptop Alex brought in exploded. There are at least four fatalities, a couple of people look critically injured, and most of the others are burns and flesh wounds."
He listened for a moment. "Yeah, I tried the doors. They're sealed. And I think the blast doors, too. The control panel on this side is fried. You're probably going to have to cut through, unless you can get McKay to work a miracle." He listened again. "Understood. Lorne out." He paused for a moment. "Major Lorne to Doctor Beckett…That's good, Doc. But we're trapped for the moment. I need you to talk me through some field work here."
Listening intently to the radio, Lorne moved toward several of the people at the far end of the mess hall. He described the conditions of each person and relayed instructions to those able to assist. Eventually he made his way back around to those who were obviously dead. He shook his head sadly at their bodies, but made no move to disturb them, knowing everything from their positions to the damage done to them would be needed as evidence in this investigation.
Alex, for her part, during most of this, did as she was told. She sat against the wall and stared numbly at her distant surroundings. She was so completely disconnected from her body by now that she only dimly felt the well of pain on her back and right side below her ribs. She watched in fascination as a pair of boots walked right up to her. Too tired and weak to bother looking up, she just stared at the boots.
Catching on to Alex's total lack of reaction when he called to her, Major Lorne began to feel an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. He knew she was pale, but now she looked deathly white. Her intense blue eyes were half-closed and glazed, as if she didn't have the energy to open them all the way. Squatting down, he tried to get her to meet his eyes.
"Alex? You with me?"
Her expression was dull and lifeless as she struggled to focus her eyes on him. His brow furrowed in obvious concern as he reached out to touch her neck. The chill of her clammy skin already confirmed what he suspected. Her pulse did nothing to soothe his fear.
"Damn," he muttered. Grabbing her gently under her chin, he shook her slightly. "Alex, you're going into shock. I need you to focus. Can you do that?"
She just blinked. Giving up on this tactic, he began to search her. It didn't take long to spot the pool of blood that ran along the wall away from the mess hall toward the door. Cursing himself, he leaned her forward gently. What he found made him stop dead, certain she could not still be alive with a wound that big and open. He could see her exposed, ravaged internal organs through the hole.
"Major Lorne to Doctor Beckett," he called in a tightly controlled voice, not certain there was anything he really could do for such a wound. He'd been in combat before. Blast wounds were not new to him, but the fact that she was still alive shocked him to his core.
"Beckett here. Go ahead, Major," the doctor replied, sounding as if he was in a room full of people.
"Alex is badly injured. She's going into shock."
The crash and cursing Lorne heard had him wincing.
"What's the nature of the injury?" Beckett finally asked, seeming to struggle for control of his own voice.
Lorne described the wound and her obvious symptoms. Beckett was quiet for a moment. When he finally spoke, it was a flurry of instructions the Major followed to the letter. After cutting up his jacket and covering the wound. He gently laid her down and elevated her feet. Amazingly, Alex reacted very little to the change in position or the pain he knew he was causing her.
"Hang in there, Alex. They're going to get us out of here, soon," he told her as soon as Beckett ended the radio contact.
"What the hell are you doing over there?" one guy shouted, catching sight of Lorne. "We need help over here. Let the damn Wraith die."
His lips thinning in anger, Lorne glared dangerously at the man with icy blue eyes. He patted Alex on the shoulder comfortingly before going to check on the others. This new position seemed to do something to Alex. She found her head throbbing along with a well of pain under her. Still feeling too lethargic to try changing her position, she just looked around. Her thoughts were still vague and distant, but now she understood something terrible had happened.
Her eyes fell on the mutilated forms of her guards, Weiss and Birchmore. Her distant thoughts and memories replayed themselves in her mind. Snippets of conversations she had overheard, all that she had learned about them. Her eyes burned and her vision turned watery as she felt tears flowing freely. After a couple of minutes, the boots returned followed by Major Lorne squatting down beside her.
"Alex? Are you with me, now?"
Alex nodded slightly. "Major Lorne," she whispered.
"Yeah, that's right," he forced a smile.
Again her eyes sought out her guards as the tears continued to flow.
"Three little girls. They'll never see him again," she whispered. "Weiss was going to retire on a boat and take his wife sailing around the world."
"What?" Lorne asked, confused.
"Birchmore was raised by his uncle. His parents died when he was little. He likes to fly designer kites," she continued to mumble.
Catching on, Lorne glanced behind him at the bodies of the two guards. "Someone grab some table cloths and cover them up," he ordered.
Turning back to Alex, he heard her say, "I killed them."
"Alex, look at me," Lorne commanded, his blue eyes hard. "Did you put that bomb in the laptop?"
She shook her head.
"Then you didn't kill them. Whoever put that bomb in there is the killer. Not you. Understand?"
Tears still pouring down her face uncontrolled, she just turned her head away. "I just wanted to be human. I wanted to be useful. I wanted to fight, to destroy the Wraith. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. And now they're dead," she continued mumbling, not even sure anymore of what she was saying as her slur grew more pronounced. "John should have left me to rot."
"It's not your fault," Lorne said flatly, watching as two people began covering the bodies with table cloths.
Feeling her tension seeping away under the hand he had on her shoulder, Lorne snapped his attention back to Alex. Her eyes were closed and her breathing irregular and shallow. Gently she shook her.
"Don't sleep, Alex!" he warned. "You've got to stay with me. Open your eyes."
Weakly, Alex opened her eyes to slits.
"Talk to me, Alex," Lorne ordered. "What's your favorite food?" he asked, desperate for anything to engage her.
She mumbled something too soft to hear.
"Speak up. I can't hear you."
This time she just turned her head away again. Grabbing her by the chin gently, he turned her face toward him. "Alex, look at me. Open your eyes right now."
Slowly her eyes slitted a bit more than last time.
"Listen to me, closely. If you fall asleep, you'll die. You can't help anyone if you die. Understand?"
Again she mumbled something that didn't even sound human this time.
"You want to fight? You want to be useful? You can't do anything if you're dead, Alex."
Finally her eyes seemed to shift toward him. She even seemed to be trying to focus.
"Stay awake. Stay with me. When you get through this, I promise, I'll give you your chance to help us. Nod if you understand."
She nodded once, slowly, her eyes becoming wider as she struggled to stay awake.
"That's good," he said.
Almost half an hour later Lorne was finding it harder and harder to keep Alex awake. He'd been hearing muffled bangs and voices from the other side of the closed doors for a while now. He hoped they would get through in time. He knew she was fading fast, and was quite amazed she had held on for so long. As she was the most critically injured by far, he put some of the less badly wounded in charge of keeping an eye on the others, and focused entirely on her.
Alex had gone all but totally unresponsive when the doors finally flew open. A small army of medical personnel overseen by Doctor Beckett poured through the door. Beckett himself was on his knees beside Alex in seconds. Lorne moved back to give him room, surprised to see the doctor's usually calm demeanor pale and bordering on barely controlled panic. Much as everyone else in the city, he'd heard the numerous rumors about Beckett's 'pet Wraith'. He had never believed any of them. But what he could believe now as he watched the man set to work on her was that she definitely was not just a patient in his eyes.
"Hello there, love," Beckett called to her, already starting an IV. "Major Lorne here tells me you're not feeling very well. Perhaps caught a sniffle, did we?"
Realizing the blurry figure was Carson, Alex smiled genuinely. "Carson." Knowing now she was safe, Alex let the darkness take her.
The reaction in Beckett was instantaneous. He was a flurry of motion as he barked orders. His hands practically blurred as he confirmed she had crashed and was going from one item to the next and instructing his staff to start working on her, too. Lorne was certain now. He had not mistaken his gut reaction. Beckett was desperate to save her, and not just because she was his patient. And the smile that had graced Alex's delicate, angular features was sincere.
Seeing Colonel Sheppard approaching, Major Lorne shook off these thoughts and brought his focus back to the seriousness of the situation. He had bigger problems than someone else's emotional entanglements to worry about. At first Colonel Sheppard was focused on the Major. But the moment he caught sight of Beckett's frantic battle and who it was lying on the ground in that pool of blood, his focus shifted entirely to that scene. Lorne doubted the Colonel was even aware of his own expression as it transformed from one of tension, to stark white, to thin-lipped relief as Beckett finally managed to drag Alex back from the brink of death. Finally he turned his attention back to Lorne, knowing better than to get in Beckett's way with a bunch of questions right now.
Lorne nearly took a step back as Sheppard's eyes focused on where the laptop had sat when it exploded.
"You're not injured?" Sheppard asked, looking him over critically.
"No, sir. Alex was in front of me and took the brunt of it," he explained, obviously still very pissed off with himself over this.
Again Sheppard chewed his lip somewhere between furious and still concerned about Alex. But he seemed satisfied with whatever he had seen in his second in command's expression. "Help me figure this out, then. I want the son of a bitch that did this."
"Yes, sir," he replied whole heartedly.
~o~o~o~
Beckett led the entire team of people now working on Alex into the surgical ward. Still barking instructions, he forced his racing heart back to calm as he prepped. He'd already seen the wound. He wasn't sure there was much even he could do. A whole section of her back had been ripped open. He was pretty sure several of her internal organs were damaged beyond hope. And there was no telling how much shrapnel was still in there. At best, he hoped to keep her alive until his budding, insane, and desperate plan could be put into action. For now, he could remove as much shrapnel as possible and stitch up what he could.
He focused on the task at hand while he laid out the plan in his mind. He already knew her body would be trying to regenerate, but much too slowly right now to save her. But, if he switched back to the original Wraith Retrovirus formula, it would still keep her from changing into a Wraith. But it might trigger the previous stronger regenerative abilities. Now he just had to keep her alive until it worked…if it worked.
Shaking off the terror he felt gripping his heart, and the unspeakable pain he felt in his chest at the thought of her dying; he finished up the surgery and gave his instructions on her care while he went to clean up and check on his other patients.
"Dear God, please let this work," he whispered heartfelt prayer as Alex's last smile played itself over and over in his mind.