"S-Satoshi?" Daisuke stuttered. "What are you doing here?!"
"You know exactly what I'm doing here, Dark."
"No, I don't… Seriously, if you could tell me, that might speed things up a bit," Daisuke answered truthfully.
Satoshi looked unhappy, but pressed onward. "I'm here because you are. I'm here to stop you. Put that statue back, because you obviously have no idea what you're doing."
"Uh… no?" Daisuke headed back towards the window to leave, but Satoshi pushed him and took the statue.
"That was too easy." He raced off to find the police, but suddenly Daisuke turned fully into Dark! (Daisuke evolved into Dark! (Legend of Zelda treasure chest music plays))
Dark knocked out Satoshi as easily as if he were but a bread stick, than jumped out the window with the statue, flew around the moon a couple times to increase popularity ratings, than started for home.
"That was far too close," Dark said to himself. "Now I have to go home and get this thing destroyed. And make sure that Daisuke's mom didn't burn down the house or lock herself in the garage or something along those lines. I'm just full of good deeds!" He grinned at how much he loved himself and his fliptacular purple hair.
But at that moment, Dark began to change back into Daisuke! ZOMG! HIJKLMNOP!
Riku had finished her bath and decided to walk out onto the porch in her pajamas. Risa was still busy drooling over the image of Dark inside and she didn't want to go back to her sister explaining her future plans of her fairytale ending with Dark, which sometimes involved unicorns and leprechauns. Riku figured if she even heard the name Dark again she would have to break something of value to someone, like a spine, to get rid of all her blind fury.
Suddenly, Dark came down and gave her a big kiss, then pulled away and looked disgusted. Riku was in a shock.
"Oh, sorry. I usually wouldn't have done that, but you looked hotter from a distance," Dark growled as if deeply upset and flew away.
Riku stayed there for about an hour in shock, going humina, humina, humina in fetal position. When she finally went in, Risa asked her what she had been doing; she muttered something about making sure the toaster wasn't on fire, before slowly walking away. Risa shrugged and went back to her girlish fancies.
"I'm hoooo-oooome!" Dark shouted.
"Yay! You're back! Mission, complete!" said Daisuke's mom, attempting to sound like Star Fox, but it was more like a mom attempting to sound like Star Fox. "Now, let's go rid of it! Wake up your grandpa."
Dark changed back into Daisuke with a 'KA-POOF' noise.
"Wait… I'm so confused…" Daisuke stammered. "Dark kissed my girlfriend- I mean crush's- sister. Why'd he do that?"
'Hello, little boy.'
"W-who said that?" said Daisuke, whipping around.
'I've infected your mind and I'm taking over. If you don't do what I say, I'm going to bite your brain stem and render you motionless until you plead for mercy and bow down to my almightiness.'
"Dark can talk to you in your mind, sweetie."
"He can? I feel very violated!" It did not make Daisuke feel better when his mom started laughing at his expense.
'I'm getting tired of standing. Imagine me a bed.'
"You can't really hurt me can you?!" Daisuke asked, terrified.
'Not as if I'd want to anyway. Now imagine me a bed before I keel over. And something to drink. Chop, chop.'
Out of anger at being chop-chopped, Daisuke imagined Dark a poisonous beverage. That probably wasn't the smartest thing he's ever done.
'Ugh! What is this?'
"Lysol. That's for chop-chopping me."
'You idiot! How am I supposed to steal art when I'm poisoned?! Geez, and this is after I was kind enough to spare your brain stem… I feel woozy…'
Meanwhile, Daisuke's mom is breaking the statue of the head with a sledge hammer and releasing the trapped spirit, Risa is talking to a wall about about marrying Dark because she can't find Riku, and Riku is hiding under her bed surrounded by various four leaf clovers, horseshoes and whatnot. Dark is poisoned, Daisuke is a spiky-haired, short guy that everyone still loves, his grandpa is raiding the fridge for the last of the spaghettied squash, and Takeshi is crying because he left the lens cap on the camera the whole time he was filming. Everyone is happy. Okay, that's a lie. Only Risa is truly happy... But whatever.
The next day, Daisuke got off the train with Takeshi right at his heels.
"I'm telling you, I got some great footage! I'm just not allowed to show it, because news shows and detectives everywhere want their hands on the tape. Because, you know, it helps with the mystery and stuff. I'm just waiting for the right price because… I've got everyone bidding on it," Takeshi lied. "Of course, right?"
"Uh, yeah, of course," replied Daisuke, who could see through Takeshi's subterfuges whether or not he was half-awake. Like he was this morning.
Suddenly, Daisuke saw Risa and Riku approaching.
"So, um, Risa…" Riku asked her sister cautiously, poking her index fingers together in a very Hinata-ish manner. "This is just hypothetical but, uh… let's say I kissed Dark… even if it were unintentional… what would you do to me?"
Risa was quiet for a moment; Riku thought her sister might blow up until she said, "If it were unintentional?"
Risa gulped, but manged to say, "Yes" in a squeaky, nervous voice.
"Well, I'd have to beat you upside the head with a nightstick until you apologized and swore on your life that you would never go in a fifty foot range of him ever again," replied Risa, who had a smile plastered on her face while she said this. "But of course, that's only if it were unintentional."
"What if it were intentional?"
Risa's smile faded. "Then I'd have to kill you."
"Oh. My." Riku gulped again and decided she would not divulge the secret of last night to her violent sibling, as unintentional was starting to sound worse than intentional.
"Hey! Daisuke!" Risa shouted and raced ahead to her spiky-haired peer. "I most certainly cannot date you at all now, not that I was going to, because I have an undying crush on Dark and I'm afraid that if I dated you, Dark might get jealous and will come and kill you!"
Yeah, watch out Daisuke. I might get so insanely jealous that this girl I've never met is so in love with you that I'll have to eat your innards while you're sleeping… is it just me or does everything look really RED today?
"Uh, that's okay," said Daisuke, ignoring Dark who had yet to get over the poisonous sickness. "I've already come to face the fact that you and I can never be together."
"Oh, good! Than I don't have to diss you even more! Thanks for that!" Risa ran off, dragging a rather terrified Riku after her.
A lot had happened the night before. When Risa finally got bored of talking to walls, she wanted to see if her future would come true. So of course, she had to consult someone… or something.
"Okay, Pokemon cards!" Risa told her deck consisting of every card known to man and then some. "I need to know if Dark and I will ever be together!" She pulled out a card. "Let's see: I got a Jynx. That stands for Forced Love." She pulled out another card. "A Pikachu. That means A Long Journey. And Drowsy…" She blinked. "Which means Dream. Does that mean it's going to be just a dream?" She hung her head, but then snapped her fingers. "Oh, of course! It'll be a dream come true! Hooray! Dark and I will be together at long last!" Risa clapped her hands daintily and grinned.
"I hope you know that doesn't work," said Riku, walking in after she got bored of hiding under the bed.
"Ah! Riku! Want me to do you, too?" Before her twin could protest, Risa started. "Hypno. That means something that already happened. Togepi means it happened recently. Haunter means it scared you half to death." Risa looked up at her sister. "What the heck? What happened to you?"
"THOSE CARDS DON'T WORK! NOW GROW UP AND GET YOURSELF A REAL SET OF TAROT CARDS!" Riku stalked off. Risa glared at her sister.
"Hey! These cards said I'd fall in love with Dark! Of course they work!"
"No offense, Risa, but no one cares about your little fantasies with Dark!" Riku shouted before stomping off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hit my head against the pool table until I forget everything that happened tonight."
Risa sighed. "And she thinks I'm weird."
Meanwhile, Daisuke and his mom had been busy ridding the statue of its spirit-thing. His mom and grandpa said some magic words and then some really cool special effect-y, light-show-type-stuff happened.
"Yay! We did it!" Daisuke's mom grinned. "Whatcha think, Daisuke? Did cool-mom save the day?"
"NO!" Daisuke yelled. "I still don't know what's going on! And why did we wear cloaks?! And was that really all necessary?"
"No, it just looks cooler this way. Like Harry Potter!" Daisuke's mom exclaimed "But it's like I said, you only transform when you think about Risa!"
"No, I don't! And Harry Potter's cloak didn't look like a cross between Zorro and a friar! And that was completely off topic, but Mom-"
"No, I thought we already told you, we don't know. We're clueless parents are far as we're concerned." Daisuke's mom grinned.
"But then what was that guy doing there? Satoshi?" Daisuke asked. "And we should stop starting with 'no'," he added.
"Satoshi?" Daisuke's mom thought. "Satoshi… new friend of yours? Because you really aught to have other friends besides that Takeshi kid, he scares me…"
"That's beside the point!" Daisuke sighed. "Forget it. I'm going to bed. Wake me up when you've decided you want to act like a normal mom. Come on, Wiz."
"Oh, and honey! Let's go to a furniture store and furnish your room at some point! Your room is so boring!"
"Whatever, mom…" Daisuke grumbled and went upstairs, Wiz trailing after him like a walking mop.
"Yes, I have the news!" Takeshi shouted as the class surrounded him. "The news about Dark! The footage is, uh, being sold currently… so I, um, couldn't bring it. But, I do know what happened!"
"Ooh, do tell, Takeshi! I wanna know everything!" Risa exclaimed. Lots of other girls joined her.
"Well," said Takeshi, happy to see he had a lot of attention, "Dark went into the museum last night and stole a statue of a head. And he knew my name, can you believe it? Anyway – Oh, where's Satoshi? He has to hear this!"
"Satoshi stayed home. His poor mind could not take the stress of school today," said one of Satoshi's many female lackeys.
"Oh. I'll just have to tell him later," Takeshi said, attempting to shrug it off but still looking slightly miffed. "But like I said, he got the statue and then he flew off! And you know what else? I heard he caused two car accidents!"
"Wow!"
"Takeshi, you're so cool!"
You're slowly losing your friend to popularity, said Dark, watching Takeshi beam at all the attention he was getting. Hey, wait- I didn't cause any car accidents! That guy is using me to become popular! I feel so special right now… and yet, so used.
"Yeah! The people in the car accidents said that right before they hit something, they saw something creepy and dark against the sky!" Takeshi exclaimed. Risa stomped up to him angrily.
"Dark would never, ever do something like that!" Risa yelled at him.
"What makes you say that?" Takeshi growled.
"Dark is good, at heart! He may steal things, but I bet he has a good reason for it!"
No way, man. I'm bad. Bad to the bone.
"Uh, I'm not so sure about that, Risa," Daisuke said cautiously.
"Hmph! Fine! ...Uncool!" Risa walked off in a huff.
"You lost her, man," Takeshi said, approaching and clapping him on the shoulder. "You just don't have a way with the ladies."
Daisuke nudged Takeshi's hand off his shoulder. "Aw, neither do you. Your five minutes of fame are over. Now we're just, like, normal again."
"Sad." Takeshi shrugged. "Oh, well. Back to worshipping Satoshi."