Chapter Fourteen

The next day Heightmeyer made good on her promise. Now officially keeping his distance from Alex, Carson watched in amazement as a nearly steady stream of visitors came for Alex. The earliest of the morning was Heightmeyer. Though he had no idea what they spoke about, Alex did seem to talk for some time; and then she perked up a bit. She was seeming somewhat more like her usual self when Heightmeyer left; enough that Carson had to remind himself to stay away.

As expected, Alex's appetite picked up sharply as the regeneration process continued. Knightley and Tania kept a steady supply of snacks coming, and even gave her a cup of coffee. Almost as soon as she had finished breakfast, her next visitor appeared. Weir swung by on the pretense of needing Alex's signature on some stuff to get her ready for active duty on Lorne's team. But she stayed to chat for a few minutes while Tania busied herself nearby.

The third visitor surprised him only in that he hadn't expected her to be there for Alex. Sergeant Kristen Daniels strolled into the infirmary asking for Alex specifically. Carson pointed toward the ward, but curiosity got the better of him. Mentioning that he had Tania caring for Alex, he followed along. She stopped Carson right outside the ward curtain so she could peek in. Seeing Tania sitting with her back to the curtain a few feet away, Daniels waved until she got Alex's attention and then put a finger to her lips. Carson hung back near the curtain as Daniels snuck up behind Tania. Alex's intense blue eyes watched keenly while trying not to look like she was watching.

Carson's heart lifted and he couldn't hold back a smile as he watched through a gap in the curtain. Daniels grabbed Tania just under her arms making her yelp and squeal; which had Alex laughing and smiling along with them.

"Quit doing that! I hate when you do that!"

"Come on, Tania. You yip like a chihuahua! It's so cute!"

"You're terrible. You know that, right?"

"So I've heard. Guess who's now officially on Major Lorne's team?"

Tania tried to muffle her squeals and failed miserably. She practically launched herself into Daniels' arms. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks! But finding you here was just lucky," she told her girlfriend. "I actually came to see Alex."

Alex's eyebrows shot up.

"Don't look so surprised," Daniels said, hopping up to sit on the edge of the bed next to Alex's feet. "We're on the same team. When he mentioned you were joining his team I jumped all over him. I believe the last time you and I were formally introduced I did my best to turn you into hamburger, and you left me with a few marks of my own."

Alex's face colored slightly remembering that first sparring match. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What's that crap? You're awesome. No training and you held up to that? You rock! I'm going to love being on the same team with someone who kicks ass."

"Thanks," Alex said, somewhat shyly.

"You've got to drop that whole soft-spoken thing," Daniels said, wincing. "You look like a wuss when you do that. Besides, you're eyes are way to awesome to be looking at the ground all the time. The only thing that would make them any cooler is if they were purple or violet."

"We could get her contacts," Tania suggested.

"Nah, the blue suits her hair. But some day I want to make a rainbow out of your hair, by the way."

Alex grabbed a handful of her hair doubtfully. "If you say so."

"I do," Tanya piped up. "And you don't need to be on that bed, Krissy. If Doctor Knightley shows up, she'll have my head."

"What? Am I bothering you?" she asked Alex.

Alex shook her head.

"That's what I thought," Daniels shot back, smugly. "So, when are you going to get out of that bed? I'm not sure who else Lorne picked, but I'm sure they'll be coming by sooner or later. You need to quit being lazy and come get some training."

"Krissy!" Tania said, horrified as she smacked her girlfriend on the arm.

"What? I'm just sayin'."

Just then Carson was jolted by a hand on his shoulder. He only barely managed not to sound like Tania with a startled yelp as he spun around to find himself face-to-face with Doctor Knightley.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. What's going on that you of all people are peeking through curtains?"

"Major Lorne added Kristen Daniels to be on her team."

"The one that tried to rip Alex's arm off?" Knightley asked, her eyes wide with concern

"Yes, but you should see them. Look for yourself."

Carson backed up to let Rebecca peer through the curtain as Tania, Alex, and Kristen were all laughing at something Tania had said.

"She's laughing," Knightley said in wonder. "She's really laughing."

"Yes. Isn't it wonderful?" Carson whispered, practically floating on cloud nine.

Taking a sterner look at her boss, she planted her hands on her hips. "That's no excuse for you eavesdropping. I know you want to be with her, but you told me yourself—"

"I'm well aware, Doctor Knightley. But this…this makes it worth the wait."

With that he turned his mind and feet back toward his infirmary and other concerns, satisfied that he had made the right choice and that Alex would be alright.

Knightley watched Beckett walking away seeming happier than he had been in a while. She was glad for him, but sad, too. The whole situation was such a mess. With a mental growl, she shoved away those thoughts. Alex wasn't just responding, she was laughing! Putting on a dangerous scowl, she swept aside the curtain.

"Just what in the name of all that's holy do you think you're doing?" she started.

Daniels leapt off the bed so fast she nearly pitched face-first into a nearby wall. Tania's eyes widened in horror as her face paled. Alex nearly jumped right out of the bed she was so startled. Rebecca just couldn't help herself. What started as a giggle turned into nearly hysterical laughter a moment later.

"I should have brought a camera!" she wheezed out. "The reactions were hilarious! I wonder if I can get Carson to take a still from the security footage."

Daniels was the first to catch on. Obviously weak-kneed from the fright, she leaned against the bed as she busted out laughing. Tania was the next to start laughing, staying something about turn about being fair play and all. Alex scowled for a moment before, she too, gave way to laughter. The four of them were still laughing when Major Lorne showed up with someone they didn't recognize in tow a couple minutes later.

"Why didn't I get an invitation to the party?"

"Because, you're a party crasher, obviously," Daniels shot back.

"Now is that any way to speak to your CO?" he shot back.

"Probably not, but you asked," said the young man beside him.

"What? Two on one?" Lorne asked, looking back and forth between the two. "Man, I get no respect, I tell ya. What about you, Alex? Are you gonna talk back, too?"

"Are you kidding, she's going to be the worst of us. The quiet ones always are," Daniels threw in. "Especially when they're not being the scary kind of quiet. Right Alex?"

Alex gave Lorne what he interpreted to be a helpless smile. For the moment, Daniels seemed content to do the talking for her. Given what Heightmeyer had told him, he was just short of ecstatic to see this much interaction with her.

"Well, Oaksford, meet your other two teammates. Alex, Daniels, this is Lieutenant Bryan Oaksford."

"Daniels I've met before," he commented.

"You mean I introduced you to the mats," Daniels threw back with a grin.

"Yes, we were very well acquainted by the end of that day," he agreed. "But Alex I've never had the pleasure of meeting."

"Ooooh, so formal," Lorne said teasingly. "What? Are you trying to impress her with your southern charm?"

"It's called manners, sir. You might learn a thing or two about them with me around," he shot back cheekily.

The Major grunted and shook his head with a grin. "Welcome to your new team, Alex. What do you think? Wanna help me keep them in line?"

Alex beamed a smile. "I think you're going to have your hands full with the three of us."

"Gray hairs. I knew it when Colonel Sheppard accepted this team. I'm going to have hair like Alex before the year is out."

"Nah, we'll save you that trouble. You'll just be bald," Daniels corrected.

"Speaking of Colonel Sheppard, where is he?" Knightley asked. "I thought he was supposed to have dropped in by now.

"He was cleaning up a mess in one of the labs, thanks to Doctor McKay," Lorne told her, flashing her a smile, dimples and all.

Rebecca groaned. "Nothing serious, I hope."

"Something about a blue goop, but that's all I heard," the Major commented with a chuckle.

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but Alex is a bit overdue for lunch," Knightley said, surveying the group.

"Don't worry, we'll skedaddle," Lorne assured her.

"Actually, Alex, would you like to have a bit of a 'welcome to the team' lunch party? We can grab some trays and come back," Daniels offered, giving her the option of a way out if she was feeling a bit overwhelmed. "Unless you're too tired; in which case you can have a nice, quiet lunch here and we'll get out of your hair."

Alex frowned, and then flinched as if recalling the last time she was in the mess hall. Her face paled until it almost matched her hair as she stared at the fresh, pink skin on her arms. Lorne, concerned that she wasn't ready for this yet, was about to assure her she didn't have to worry about it when Alex's eyes come up to Doctor Knightley with a fierce look of determination.

"Do I have to stay here? Can't I come to the mess hall?"

Knightley's eyebrows shot up into her hairline as her expression changed from concern to consideration. Recalling the stark terror of Alex's nightmares just the day before, she wasn't entirely sure this was a good idea. But, seeing Lorne's proud smile and slight nod, she agreed.

"Certainly, if you're up for it. I don't have any other clothes for you at the moment, though."

"What's wrong with scrubs?" Colonel Sheppard called from the ward entrance as he whisked aside the curtain. "I heard something about lunch. I'm starved."

"Alex said she wants to have our little pow-wow in the mess hall, sir," Lorne volunteered.

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up much as had Knightley's. "Is that a fact?"

"Why? Did Carson say I wasn't allowed to leave?" Alex asked almost seeming defiant.

"Well…no. Not that I'd heard," Tania volunteered, looking to Knightley for guidance.

"Nope, and I'm in charge of her care for the time being, so it's my call anyway. I think it's a great idea, but only if you're up for it, Alex."

Just to prove her point, Alex threw back the sheet and hopped out of bed. "As soon as you get this IV out of me. But the floor is cold!"

Everyone chuckled at this, since every one of them had had that experience at one time or another in their time in Atlantis.

"I'll grab some socks," Tania volunteered. "Then I'll let Doctor Beckett know where we are."

"Aren't you coming with us?" Daniels asked, seeming disappointed.

"She's the boss," Tania said, pointing to Knightley on her way out.

"And 'the boss' says, you haven't had lunch break. We're not so uncivilized out here in the Pegasus Galaxy that you don't get your breaks. Clock out and come on."

Pulling out a band-aid from her lab coat pocket, Rebecca set to removing the IV. Seeing a fine sheen of sweat on Alex's forehead she turned to the others.

"Why don't you guys head on over and save us a table? We'll be right behind you."

Taking a hint, they all headed out as a group just as Tania was returning with some nice, thick socks.

"You don't have to do this, Alex. You've got nothing to prove, not even to your new team."

Realizing what Doctor Knightley was saying, Alex shook her head. "It's not that. I mean, yes, I'm afraid. That's why I need to do this. But it…my skin feels…off."

"Where?"

"I feel like…it feels…prickly and…tight," Alex said, struggling to describe the sensation.

"Is the cloth irritating it?"

"A little."

"Not to worry. Have a seat on the bed, I'll be right back."

Meanwhile, Tania helped Alex with her socks for which she smiled gratefully. A moment later Knightley returned with brown, clay jar. Taking off the lid, she showed the clear paste to Alex.

"This is made from some of the same stuff we put in the tank. Teyla sent this over, yesterday, thinking you might need it. I was going to have her come back and give it to you, personally, but well…"

"Teyla?"

Knightley ducked her head once in confirmation. "Tania, help her get her shirt off."

Putting on some gloves, she gently scooped out some and rubbed it on her palms. Gently she spread it over every inch of new, pink skin. The sweet, floral scent was very much like a perfume; but the soothing quality on her skin was immeasurable. The relief in Alex's posture and expression was immediate. Once she was back in her scrubs, they headed out, keeping her between them. Knightley waved to Carson on their way through the infirmary causing him to stop in utter shock and confusion. But, he had handed over Alex's care to what he considered to be an imminently qualified doctor, so he kept his peace.

By the time they reached the mess hall, the place was packed. Having thought she was ready, Alex was surprised to find her heart racing, her mouth dry, her legs trembling, and just barely managed not to turn and flee the moment she saw the crowds. Even with Tania and Rebecca winging her, she felt utterly exposed.

"Took you long enough," Daniels spouted to Tania, making her and Alex both jump.

"Hey, don't go rabbit on us, Alex," Daniels said, catching the start. "If you're not up for this, just say the word. We'll all head back to—"

Alex's eyes were fierce as she glared at the crowd around her friends. Summoning all the arrogance of the Wraith queen she had once been told them in no uncertain terms, "No. I won't run."

"Alex—" Knightley started, but was cut off as Alex marched ahead of them toward the line waiting for trays.

Catching sight of her, a couple of people stood and left the mess hall with trays in hand; as did some of those in line waiting for trays. Alex and the others ignored them. By the time Alex had a tray in hand, she'd ceased her trembling. But she couldn't do anything about her racing heart and clammy hands. Focusing on the food in front of her and nothing else, she turned with her tray full of food to face the rest of the mess hall; which, of course, by this time hd dulled from a roar to a hum of whispered conversation. She imagined she could feel the weight of all those eyes as she forced her squared shoulders to be still. Catching sight of Sheppard waving from a set of tables pushed together along one wall, she held her head up as she walked deliberately through the crowded rows of tables.

Only one person in the room noticed her taking a path that was wide of the hot food tables as she made her way over to Sheppard's "little" party. Lorne frowned darkly, but couldn't ignore the feeling of pride at seeing Alex conquering that fear just by being here.

"Welcome to the party, guys," Sheppard called to the four of them. "I found some other starving orphans on my way here."

Alex looked up to see Teyla smiling warmly as she motioned to a seat beside her. Taken aback, Alex hesitated only for a moment at realizing the stab of cold hate did not accompany those intense eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered as she sat down beside her.

"Ah, I see Doctor Knightley passed on the gyrers balm. How is it working?"

"It's wonderful. Thank you."

"I'm glad it could help."

Looking around, Alex realized that the group of seven had turned into over a dozen, hence the need for more tables and chairs. Doctor Heightmeyer, Doctor Weir, and Carson were further down the table having their own conversation. A couple of people Alex didn't recognize sat at the other end talking to Oaksford and Lorne. Major Lorne had moved over with a smile signaling to Doctor Knightley to sit beside him. She hesitated only a moment seeing Alex situated between Teyla and Daniels before joining the Major's little group with a smile. Alex looked around to found herself almost dead center of a group of people that only a week ago didn't trust her, and she didn't much trust them. Some of them she knew she would likely never be friends with, or close to, but at least now they weren't just tolerating her presence with barely concealed loathing. Suddenly, she felt safer than she had since being in Carson's arms. She wasn't entirely sure what she was feeling, but she hoped this sense of security would never fade away.

Carson watched from the other end of the table where he sat as far away from Alex as he could get. He had been reluctant to join them when Doctor Weir had called him on the radio. But now he was glad he did, as he was amazed. Doctor Heightmeyer had worked a miracle. He didn't know all the details of what had transpired during the visits this morning from so many people, but it had awoken something in her. Alex was so alive right now that his heart felt like bursting with joy. It was all he could do to keep his eyes off her and focused on the conversation around him.

Alex could not ever remember feeling so welcome and so safe around so many people. The tumbling mix of emotions had her picking at her food at first, before Daniels ribbed her about being too scrawny to take her down. It wasn't until then that she realized that the mess hall full of hateful eyes beyond this group no longer mattered. As long as she had friends, they were just empty eyes to her. Smiling at this thought, she dove into her food with gusto; which earned her more good-natured ribbing about becoming too fat to spar anymore.

Their little lunch party was over all too soon, as the call of duty to Atlantis and her people dragged them away from the table in ones and twos. Finally it was just Knightley, Tania, and Alex who left the mess hall together. Carson had left some minutes before on a call from the infirmary. The three made their way back to the infirmary without incident. All the excitement and emotional ups and downs of the day had taken their toll on Alex. She was asleep moments after she was helped back into the bed.

~o~o~o~

A couple days later Alex was released as expected. She had put some the weight back on and had been once again switched to the newer retrovirus formula. Doctor Knightley cautioned for the umpteenth time to be careful of injury or strenuous activity for a few days until they were certain the second formula had taken effect. In the meantime, she was given a glucose meter to keep an eye out on things. Daniels didn't even give her a chance to get to her quarters before catching her in the halls. She seemed almost more excited than Alex was about getting started. And the enthusiasm was definitely contagious, Alex learned. By the time she showered and changed into the clothes Daniels had brought, she was practically bouncing. Having to almost hold her back, Daniels commented about how awesome the white hair looked against the black uniform, but it needed to be put up. Alex watched in wonder as Daniels French braided her hair showing her how to do it herself.

Major Lorne greeted them with a smile of approval but a critical eye for Alex as he noticed she was still underweight. Not wanting to crush the enthusiasm he was seeing, he didn't bother asking if she was up for it, yet. Instead he just asked if there were any special needs he might have to take into consideration during her training. She just told him about the glucose meter and needing to keep food handy for a couple of days, not seeming concerned about it in the least. Glad he hadn't put a damper on her excitement, he was happy to note she had come prepared with a small shoulder bag full of stuff. Since he didn't have an off world team of his own and Sheppard was in the city for the time being, he had plenty of time to spare to oversee her training and results.

Alex threw herself into her weapon training and protocol training with a passion that surprised even Major Lorne. She voraciously devoured every bit of information they gave her on the different cultures and how to interact with the known settlements around the galaxy. Colonel Sheppard had even come by to see her hand to hand testing out of curiosity since Ronon refused to be the one to test her. As expected with her superior speed and strength, she passed with flying colors, even though some of the colors being new bruises of her own. Both Lorne and Sheppard had felt she would not need it in a civilian capacity, but Alex had won that argument in seconds.

Doctor Weir watched all of this from a distance. Having considered what John had told her, she realized the irrationality of her concerns. Alex was human. She was different from any other human ever known, but solidly human. Weir watched as she set to her training with determination and passion. She watched the woman's expressions range from barely contained anger at her own mistakes, to outright laughter when Sheppard, Lorne, Daniels, and Oaksford would act out. Weir almost envied her. To Alex the world was new, and likely would be for many years to come.

Alex continued to visit the infirmary daily for her injections. After about a week of this, Knightley gave her a small kit and showed her how to use it. The kit was small enough to fit in her vest or other pocket, durable enough not to be easily damaged, and quick enough not to pose a problem in the field. Alex smiled as she received it, but it was clear she was going to miss her daily visits. As often as not, though, Carson was elsewhere, anyway.

Now having even more independence, Alex almost never spent time in her quarters anymore. There was always something to learn, or something to do. Major Lorne met with her pretty regularly to check her progress, even when Colonel Sheppard had him running errands and working the usual city paperwork. The other two members of his team, Daniels and Oaksford watched and even helped a lot of the time, but said little about her mistakes. The fact that they both liked her and treated as something akin to a little sister was obvious. Their encouragement and sometimes outright teasing and flirting had a profound effect on Alex. She had seemed to come alive and begun to show her own personality around them giving as good as she got.

To Lorne and Sheppard, the team was a perfect fit. And, before long, it was time to send them out into the field together. Their first couple of missions were simple explorations of worlds that turned out to have ruins of ancient cultures with nothing of significance left. A little documentation of the layouts and they were done. Their third mission was escorting a trading caravan from one planet to another through some known bandit territory. It was quiet to a point of boring, according to Daniels.

Alex disagreed. She loved being outdoors and watching the sky; even though Major Lorne could tell she never sacrificed her attentiveness to her duties to do so. Daniels and Oaksford caught on to this before too long and started jabbing her about how she should have joined the Air Force. A few questions later and Alex agreed. But unfortunately, Atlantis didn't have its own Air Force recruiting department. She was disappointed, but by no means deterred. Still new and enthusiastic enough to dream, she considered that maybe one day she could actually join the Air Force. No one felt particularly inclined to disillusion her.

The weeks passed relatively quietly for them as Alex settled in. With Daniels' boisterous personality and Oaksford's polite one, Alex picked up the best of both traits. Lorne watched happily as she developed into her own person, and was happy to relay this to Doctor Heightmeyer when they were in the city. After a while, none of them saw the white hair or cat-like eyes as anything out of the ordinary. Lorne even had to remind himself from time to time that she was actually over ten thousand years old as she teased and played with others.

With each return to Atlantis, Alex found the tensions around her growing less and less. It was as if all those staring, hateful eyes saw more and more the people she was with and less of her. She no longer really occasioned comment, except the occasional rumor about this or that which might blossom into a delightfully malicious scandal. One would say she was cheating on Colonel Sheppard with Sergeant Daniels. Others would share it as Daniels cheating on Tania with her. Some even said Carson was wasting away in the infirmary of a broken heart because Alex had run away with Major Lorne. And there were dozens more versions, depending on who you asked. Of course, none of them were true. For her part, Alex showed no interest in anyone; and that was fine with all of them.

To her friends, she was something like a cross between a raw recruit and a little sister. She was new enough to have a million questions, but everyone had the time to answer them. When in Atlantis, she was found wandering from sparring rooms, to labs, to balconies; sometimes alone, and sometimes with her friends. She actively participated whenever anyone asked something of her. Often one of McKay's underlings would ask her for some information that may not have been included in her earlier work. Or, sometimes, they would come across old or damaged Wraith tech that needing identification.

Alex had even become the ideal test subject for makeup and hair dyes for Tania and Daniels. In a matter of weeks they had her hair in the rainbow they had previously promised. Within days it had washed out leaving hardly a trace, which disappointed all of them, but certainly didn't deter them. From one week to the next, Alex's hair color changed so rapidly no one could really keep up. Before long many other city personnel had taken to joining in on the little parties Tania and Kristen threw using Alex like some kind of canvas for every type of makeup known to man. By then Alex had learned enough to consistently use mascara and a few other things to at least conceal the pallor of her face, eyebrows, and eyelashes whenever possible.

When she wasn't visible around the city, often Alex was found reading somewhere in a quiet place. Alex was a voracious reader. She devoured fiction and non-fiction alike, as if through these words and the history of Milky Way Galaxy humans she would learn what it means to be human. She also seemed to have a knack for finding every balcony on Atlantis that others had not yet found. Usually those she shared with her friends, in case they ever needed a quiet spot to hide for a while. Daniels and Tania most definitely had enjoyed the use of them on several occasions. Oaksford's latest girlfriend had come to ask her for the perfect spot for a picnic dinner one time. Even Major Lorne had asked about the balcony with the best views of the city below.

The only outstanding issue she still seemed to have was Ronon. The man had taken to stalking her, both openly and covertly. Whenever she was on Atlantis, he was her shadow. The fact that he said nothing to her, made no threats, and gave no indication of his intentions did nothing to settle her mind. What she found strange was that he didn't do this when they were on missions together, only when she was on Atlantis. Other than that, she could not find a pattern that made any sense at all.

Things finally came to a head on one particularly bad day for Alex. Most times she was fairly calm and took things in stride. But everyone has that one day when many minor issues stack up to make the day as a whole, bad. Her first problem came when her coffee was dumped right down her shirt in the mess hall by a clumsy scientist. This was followed with a second change of clothes after a sparring partner in an early class got sick all over her. Now on her third change of clothes and second shower of the day she was already swearing that one more incident would leave her hiding in the peace and quiet of her quarters.

No such luck.

From lunch trays being toppled to a slip that left her with a sore head, her day didn't get any better. It was sometime after dinner when Alex set out to find a place to exercise that would not be occupied; because, at the rate she was going, she was either going to wind up injured or someone near her would. Disgusted with her day and needing to burn off some of that negative energy she was prowling the halls when she caught sight of Ronon following her. With a groan she very nearly stopped to bang her head against the wall. The guy was nothing, if not persistent.

Deciding to ignore him, Alex finally managed to find a sparring room that wasn't occupied with anyone else. Feeling that something was finally going her way today, she tossed her bag into a corner, tore off her sweatshirt, and tossed it on top and turned to the wooden weapon rack. She turned around just in time to see Ronon ducking back out of the doorway. With a growl she did what she thought might very well be the stupidest thing of her life; but enough was enough.

"Ronon!"

The man stopped and turned to face her. Instead of saying anything, she threw him a practice sword, knowing that was his hand to hand combat weapon of choice. He caught it, but frowned darkly at it before looking up at her as if she was crazy. She knew she wasn't the best with the weapon, but that wasn't what this was about.

"I don't know what your issue with me is, but I'd like to at least talk it out. And, this is a language I believe we both understand."

With a feral grin that made Alex reconsider her decision for a moment, he sauntered across the room, set down his gun and faced her. The next three minutes were a blur of furious swings that would have made even Teyla dizzy to watch. The two of them pulled no punches and didn't bother to stop at contact. This was not about who won or lost, at this point. It was about expressing what they were feeling.

By the end of five minutes, both of them were breathing heavy and both were going to be sporting a number of rather spectacular bruises. Now feeling fully engaged, Alex decided to start the other half of their conversation.

"So, are we still where we started? You don't trust me?"

"No."

More vicious engagement.

"No you don't trust me, or no that's not what this is about?"

"Both."

For a few more minutes they were too busy to talk beyond the steady clacking of swords and the occasional grunt as one landed a hit.

"Then what is it? You've been stalking me for weeks."

"I don't trust you."

"But you said it wasn't about that. So what is it?"

"Beckett."

That threw her off enough to totally miss blocking Ronon's next swing which collided solidly with the left side of her head just above the temple. Rolling with the blow, she landed flat on her back with bright bursts of light coloring her vision. She was almost surprised Ronon hadn't followed that with a fatal blow. Not sure if she was angrier at her slip or at Ronon's source of mistrust, she pulled herself off the mat and glared dangerously. Regaining her composure, she set on the offensive now.

For several more minutes the clacking of wooden swords was all that was heard. Eventually clacking turned into cracking and the two weapons began to give in to the stress. Ronon's was, of course, the first to break, leaving a long jagged gash down her arm. Ignoring it, she contemplated continuing, but tossed hers aside, instead. Following her lead he tossed his aside with a wicked grin as they took to unarmed combat. Here she had something of an advantage in her smaller size, but even that couldn't counter Ronon's strength and experience. And they certainly wasn't pulling any punches. One of Ronon's swings left his right arm exposed in such a perfect way, Alex couldn't resist the temptation to hit it with all she had. Only afterward when Ronon grunted and began favoring that arm did she wonder if she might have gone too far.

Finally she felt focused enough to continue their conversation.

"What do you want from me?"

"I saw you with him in the infirmary. Stay away from him."

Now they stood apart heaving deep lungsful of air.

"I love him."

"Don't care."

"What does it matter to you?"

"He's my friend. I won't let you hurt him."

"Hurt him? I love him!"

"Doesn't matter. Stay away from him."

"And that's what this is really all about?"

"Yes."

"And how exactly is stalking me helping?"

"Just making sure."

"Making sure that I'm not sneaking off with Carson, or that I'm not sneaking off with someone else behind Carson's back."

"Both."

Still heaving, Alex inspected her bleeding arm. They had certainly left one hell of a mess she was going to have to clean up later. Ronon himself was bleeding from his nose, lip, and the corner of one eye where her fingernail and almost been ripped off by accident. Tired, emotionally drained, and feeling just plain lonely, Alex flopped onto the mat.

"It doesn't matter," she said, looking up at Ronon. "He loves me, but won't be with me. Says I'm not ready."

"Good."

Alex stared at the ceiling for a moment. "What if he did want to be with me? What then?"

"Not going to happen."

"Why? Is it because that I'm still just a Wraith to you?" she asked wearily, already knowing the answer.

"No."

"Please, enlighten me, then."

"No."

Feeling something well up inside her at the ridiculousness and hurt of all of this she just barely bit back a scream of frustration. Jumping back to her feet, Alex couldn't help the tears she felt stinging her eyes. This only made her angrier as she felt even more pathetic and weak.

"What is your problem, then? I just want to be happy, like anyone else! Carson loves me and will wait for me! You don't have to worry about coming after me if I hurt him, because I wouldn't be able to live with myself!" she screamed. "Is that what you want?! You want me to just give up and die?! Why don't you finish it, then?! I can't just turn off these damned emotions! I love him! I want to be with him for the rest of my life! I want to die of old age beside him! I…damn…I just…"

Tears blurred her vision as her screams dissolved into pathetic sobs. But, try as she might, Alex could not pull herself together.

"Okay."

"What?" she asked, utterly confused scrubbing her face with her palms.

"I said 'okay'."

"What? You mean you're okay with Carson and me?"

"Yeah."

"What the fuck!" Alex said, trying out the new and unfamiliar curse word. "Just like that? You go from 'no way in hell' to 'sure'?"

"You're serious about him. I just wanted to make sure you weren't playing some kind of game with him to get something you want out of him."

Not even sure what to say to this, Alex went back to scrubbing the tears away and trying to get herself under control. She couldn't believe this was happening. Everyone knew that what went on in the big man's head was typically a mystery. They knew he was over protective of those he called friends. But no one had mentioned he was both crazy and cruel. Part of her wanted to let out a string of expletives she'd heard used all over the city, but instead found herself choking as she tried to control her sobs.

"Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary," Ronon offered. "You're going to need some stitches."

Alex jerked her arm away from him. "I can get there myself. I don't need help from you."

"Fine."

After a moment she grabbed her bag and clothes and headed out of the sparring room. By the time she got into the hall, she was already starting to see clearly again. Still angry and frustrated, she stalked up the halls just a little behind Ronon; who, she was satisfied to see, was still holding his right arm to his chest and was headed the same direction. Alex had gone from furious and hurt to numb and exhausted. Wanting nothing more than to go to her quarters and sleep for days, she dragged herself toward the infirmary. All the way reminding herself that killing Ronon really wasn't an option.