Dark walked to school in Daisuke's body. He was not exactly acting like Daisuke; it was more like Ash from Pokemon. He had this big, determined grin on his face and was swinging his arms back and forth merrily. Why? Well, if there was ever a chance to act unmanly it might as well be when you're in someone else's body.

He suddenly stumbled upon Riku and Risa walking to school.

"Daisuke! I need to talk to you right now!" Riku yelled through gritted teeth. Ooh... italicized and bolded! She really means business.

Suddenly and fortuitously, Risa dropped her books. Dark grabbed them in mid-air before any of them could touch the ground. He held them up, looking for pleased, yet suave, with himself.

"Here you go," he said, handing them to her.

"Wow, Daisuke you sure are-" Risa started.

"Manly? Thank you, I know..." Dark said, running a hand through Daisuke's hair.

"I was going to say coordinated," Risa said without sounding the slightest hint of regret of those words in her voice. Dark blinked, turning away.

"Oh. I see. Okay, well bye then."

"Hey, wait a minute! Don't you think you can duck out!" Riku shouted after him, grabbing him by his backpack. "I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, MISTER!" Uh-oh; now caps lock, too.

"Hi, Daisuke!" Takeshi said, racing up. "Whazzup, twins?"

"HOW DARE YOU! I hate it when people don't treat me like an individual and a single unit! WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE!" Riku screamed, looking frazzled.

"Can I just talk to you before anyone else comes?!" Risa yelled at Dark, who by now was rather weirded out.

"… Well, you don't have to be so spazzy about it," Takeshi mumbled desperately. He turned back to Daisuke, looking more eager. "Today I brought meatballs to the cafeteria! I can hardly wait! I hear someone's going to start a food fight!"

"Oh my, what an awful day to wear off-white," said somebody. They turned around; it was Donis, as usual flanked by his many fan girls. He took off his beret to put it in his backpack, smacking a girl in the face when he flipped his hair and sending them flying.

"Speak of the devil," Riku muttered.

"Did anyone see what he just did to that girl?!" Dark asked, panic-stricken and trying to look around Donis.

"Why, good morning chaps! Did I just hear you conversing about a fight of food today?" Donis asked heartily. He stared at Dark. "Ah! And now we find out!"

"Find out what?" asked Risa and Takeshi together.

"Will everyone please just go away?!" Riku shouted, growling.

"But… that girl is unconscious!" Dark sputtered, pointing at her rapidly.

"That's not important right now!" Riku yelled, half paying attention. "What's important is that you three leave! Please!"

"Awww…" Takeshi, Risa and Donis all walked away sulking, accidentally stepping on the unconscious person. Dark's mouth was open in horror.

But then the first bell rang.

"Rats," Riku growled. She poked Dark in the nose. "Listen, you. This isn't over. See you at school." She raised her eyebrows and walked away.

"But… HER!" Dark shouted, now swinging his arms at the fangirl frantically. He stared at her and looked back at the school. "But… the… eh?... um…" Dark took one last look at her. "I promise I'll come back for you later!" he shouted before racing into the building.

"Now it's lunch! My best subject!" Dark said proudly, holding a tray of every mystery substance known to man.

"You… you're actually going to eat that?" Takeshi asked nervously, pointing his finger at the gray, green and brown lumps sitting on the plate.

"Sure. It's food, right?" Dark said in a manly way, scooping forkfuls of it into his mouth.

"Suuure it is," Takeshi answered in a strangled voice. Donis looked like he was going to toss his cookies as he was frozen holding his cucumber sandwich.

"THIS IS REALLY GOOD!" Dark shouted through a mouthful of food. "Dudes, you guys want any? This is better than Thanksgiving…"

"No thanks. I like living," Donis said merrily.

"I'm allergic to… whatever that is," Takeshi mumbled.

The two of them looked away.

I can't believe your shoveling that filth into me. You're paying for my hospital bill.

Aww, cafeteria food isn't all it's thought up to be. You see this gray blob? It only moves when you bite it too hard.

I think I need a lawyer… or aspirin or something… Daisuke refused to talk for a while.

"Hey, Daisuke… we are going to start that food fight soon, right?" Takeshi leaned over and whispered to him.

Dark swallowed. "Huh? What do you mean 'we'?"

"You didn't already forget, did you? Early this morning, I stashed my dad's meatballs in the freezer." He narrowed his eyes, looking back down at Dark's lunch. "It's gotta be better ammo than anything your eating. Did something just move in there?"

"Probably. Hey, you want me to go get them?"

You're ruining my image!

What image? Spiky-haired short kid? Would you rather be remembered as a combat hero or Sonic the Hedgehog? Dark's in this food fight, so it will be a food fight no one will forget! Dark thought, standing up on the table and posing heroically.

"Daisuke… get down, not yet!" hissed Takeshi. "You're so weird today… Go get the meatballs!"

"None for me, I'm a very-vegan-vegetarian-Valedictorian," said Donis, chuckling to himself about how all the words started with 'V'.

I hate you. This was the worst idea I've ever had. You haven't even solved my problem yet.

Hey! This is the worst idea I've ever had I think you mean! Give me credit!

…If you really want that.

Dark raced off to the freezer. As he entered, he realized he was not alone.

"What are you doing in here?" said a voice.

A very cool voice. And not just because they were in a freezer! (random drum sound)

"Just… getting something…" Dark answered through gritted teeth. "What about you?"

Satoshi sniffed. "As if you don't know!"

Dark blinked. "But I don't know."

"Oh… yeah… Well, if you really must hear, I'm getting ice cubes to cool my beverage-thing," Satoshi replied.

"You think I believe that for a second?!"

Satoshi raised an eyebrow. "Why are you being so defensive?"

"Why is the freezer door closed?"

"Don't return questions at me, you dolt! You and your tricky little reverse psychology… You can only do that on children! Or can you? Or what if this is reverse, reverse psychology and you're trying to get me to think that you aredoing reverse psychology when you're really not! Which would you mean that you are!" Satoshi laughed in a very maniacally insane way. "And now you're just messing with my head! But you think I don't understand when I do! I've got you now, Daisuke!"

"Um… if you're done talking to yourself," Dark said. "The door's kind of closed on us. Only one person knows we're in here and I don't think he's coming to find us."

For some reason unbeknownst to Dark, Donis' remaining fan girls were talking to Takeshi. He was obviously lying about something that looked like a tattoo he got from a Lunchable.

"TELL ME YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE!" Satoshi shouted, going into fetal position mode next to a box of Insta-Bacon.

"Yeah, just hang on a second, I've got it covered." Dark took out the phone. "Only got enough bars for one call, though. Let's see… the emergency number is a nine, right?" He pushed the button with a "doo!" noise.

You idiot! It's not just a nine; that's Takeshi's home phone! It's on a speed dial!

"Speed what?!" Dark yelped, clawing at his hair. "Well, how was I supposed to know?!"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Satoshi asked.

"Um… well-"

"It's okay. I do that sometimes."

"Ignoring that. Wait, someone picked up!" Dark said happily. "We're SAVED!"

"Hello?" said a groggy young voice from the end of the line.

"Who are you?" Dark asked rudely.

"Wendy. Who are you, Mr. Too-Good-To-Say-A-Greeting?" a girl's voice returned.

"Daisuke! A friend of Takeshi's!" Dark said back. "You have to call the police! I'm trapped in a freezer!"

There was about five minutes of laughing from the other end.

"Why should I help you?" Wendy finally insisted. "You were just rude to me! A sick child home from school!"

"Because, um…" Dark thought, then snapped his fingers. "Because I'll give you a piggy-back to you everyday for the rest of the year if you do!"

If I hated you before, now I despise you with every particle of my being.

"I don't like piggy-backs."

Dark bit his lip. "Um… what do you want? Anything, and I swear, I'll be your best friend forever!"

"Ew, I can't believe you'd say that, you perv! I'll get my brother to beat you up."

"Wait- Wendy-"

Booooop.

"So?" Satoshi asked eagerly.

Dark sighed. "What do you expect from a nine-year-old?"

Satoshi began to cry icicles.

Will they be saved? Find out in the next chapter of Not D.N.Angel! (it's called "not" for a reason, you know!)