A/N - Hey!! I know it's been forever since my last UD, but I've been so busy and I had writers block. I'm sorry!! But, you find out why Alex dies in this chapter (finally lol), so I hope that makes it better and I hope it was worth the wait.

Thanks: TeamxxBrucasxx, bwaybaby32, reina123, OTHskater, onetreefan, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, tanya2byour21, Mosie1213, NYGIRL09, beachbumyeahh, BDavis427, CheerandBrood323, Brooke D., bd-ls-islove, princetongirl, othfan326, chebelle, hoeoverbros, and brucas333.

Hope you enjoy!! And once again, sorry for the wait.

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 11 -

--A Week Earlier--

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

And she realized that. It wasn't fair, and that was made perfectly clear in her mind.

It wasn't fair that she had just left Lucas with a note, piling everything on him. It wasn't fair that she had been ignoring his calls either. And it wasn't fair that she was doing the exact same thing to Peyton, just two months after she arrived in California.

But she realized that staying with Peyton may have not been the best idea.

It wasn't helping her forget. It wasn't helping at all. The memories still haunted her. The nightmares were still always there each time she closed her eyes. And to her it seemed that it just wasn't worth being miles away from home if she didn't gain anything from it.

The other day, Peyton had stepped out of the house and Brooke took that as the perfect opportunity.

She booked a flight back to Tree Hill, just as she had months earlier to go to California.

And then at night, when she and Peyton were both supposed to be asleep, she left.

This time, she didn't leave any note, as she had done with Lucas. She just left with suitcases in both hands.

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

But losing her son wasn't fair either.

--Present Time--

"Brooke, Lucas. Please come in; take a seat." The woman seemed friendly as she greeted the couple, but Brooke was still hesitant about the whole thing.

Sure, she had been opening up a lot recently. But that didn't exactly mean she was ready to spill her heart out to some stranger who got paid to discuss other people's feelings.

For Lucas, though, she was going to try. She at least owed him that.

"If ever you feel like you're not ready to do this, just let me know and we'll leave. Okay?" He caught hold of her hand and waited for her to respond.

She slowly nodded before adding a quiet "okay".

"So tell me, Brooke. When would you say you and Lucas started experiencing problems?"

"Um..." Brooke felt uncomfortable sitting there in the spotlight being asked personal questions, however when she looked over at Lucas, he nodded encouragingly at her, urging her to go on. "A-About two months ago. Two and a half maybe." She used to know the months, days, hours, and even minutes from when her world fell apart. But after a while, she just wanted to forget it all. She didn't want to be able to remember all of that.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Brooke remained silent as she shuffled her feet against the carpeted floor.

"Brooke." Lucas spoke softly. "It's okay. You can talk about it." He knew it was difficult to talk about it, but he thought that Brooke was getting better at doing so. She was definitely opening up more. And agreeing to talk to someone proved that even more. He was proud of her. But if she wasn't talking here, maybe she hadn't improved so much after all. Maybe she just didn't want to get help.

"Lucas?" The therapist turned her attention to the blonde. "What about you? Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Uh...Brooke left town for a couple of months. Without telling me, just leaving a note." He spoke, revealing only part of their problems. He wanted to see if Brooke was strong enough to speak up and defend herself, telling the therapist why she had left...The real reason the couple was slowly breaking apart.

But she stayed silent, her eyes plastered to the ground.

"Brooke, is this true? Did you leave Lucas?"

"Yes." She mumbled, still not looking up.

"Where'd you go?" The therapist tried. She wanted to help the two, but if Brooke wasn't talking, that would be extremely hard. Too hard.

"California." One word answer...again.

"Why would you leave Lucas? Your husband, the man you love. That must have not only hurt Lucas, but you as well. There must be some reason. Am I right?"

It took a minute after the therapist's last words for Brooke to slowly peel her eyes up from the floor. "I didn't want to blame Lucas...so I blamed myself." She spoke, her voice raspy.

"Blame Lucas for what?"

"Alex's heart condition."

"What? What is it?" She immediately asked the doctor. Alex was fine! They couldn't have found anything. She was just in his room and he was perfectly fine!

"It appears his heart isn't functioning properly. He has inherited the generic heart condition that runs in your family, but it was too mild to detect at this time. But with the impact of the accident, it became severe. We're trying everything we can...but at this point, it's too late to get a new heart. The lists are too full."

The doctor continued on but all Brooke could do was stare at the ground. He had a heart condition. HCM. And all she could think was how it was Lucas's fault. All of it. Lucas was the one with the HCM.

"He might not make it through the night. I'm sorry."

She tuned back in only to hear those words, and she wished she hadn't just heard them. Those small words, pieced together, were the end of her world. They were paralyzing. And she couldn't move.

"Brooke..." Lucas mumbled once the doctor walked away to let the couple talk alone.

"I hate you." That was all she could say. The strength it took for her to say those words was unbearable. Yet she felt she needed to say it again. "I hate you." It was more forceful than the first time. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I-I h-h-ate y-ou." And then she was crying; sobbing in his arms.

"Who's Alex?"

"He was my son."

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A/N - Wow, I can't believe it took me 11 chapters to reveal the major storyline. That's actually pretty weird...but hey, I guess you guys like the suspense lol.

So there you go. It was a heart condition.

Hope you enjoyed it! I don't think there's much left to this story now that you know what happened and now that Brooke is opening up. Just some BL where they work to come back together! That will be a few chapters, then I guess it'll be the end. Idk, I'll see.

Anyways, please REVIEW!!

(also, I'll try to UD 'Listen To Your Heart' soon! I'm working on chapter 4!)

Thanks!!

–Melissa :)