A/N – Hey everyone! I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter! Writers block and being super busy can do that! Hopefully I'll be updating more regularly from now on.

Thanks: othfan326, BrOoKe DaViS23, bwaybaby32, hoeoverbros, onetreefan, reina123, CheerandBrood323, Brooke D., brookenlucas4eva03, princetongirl, bd-ls-islove, BDavis427, Mosie1213, tanya2byour21, Camila, rollie, Sophia-Chad, beachbumyeahh, Erika x3, and brucas333 for their awesome reviews!

Hope you enjoy!!

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 12 –

She could remember sitting in the hospital's emergency room followed by their pediatric ward for hours and hours, just waiting; waiting for any news, waiting for any progress. But what she remembered most was her son's hospital room.

That room was the worst of it all. The pale white walls accompanied by the monitors beeping uncontrollably and the I.V.s dripping into her son's veins. Beep by beep, drop by drop; she heard all of it. Most of all, though, she could clearly remember the last few hours. Those horrible last few hours that pained her to even think about. They had become crystal clear in her mind after that day, much to her dismay. And every time her eyes closed, whether it be to sleep, or even to blink, she relived that nightmare. It was there always; over and over again in her head.

That whole time, she sat by his bedside, with Lucas there too, as Alex's heart rate dropped rapidly and the nurses and doctors and cardiologists came running in and out, performing EKGs and blood tests and other sorts of things.

As much as she hated thinking about that, it took even more out of her to share that personal information with a complete stranger. But if it would help her get better, then maybe it was worth it. She was proud of herself for doing such a thing, and she had every damn reason to be proud. And she knew Lucas was proud, too. She could tell from the way he had been looking at her since they left the therapist's office.

She had made phenomenal progress from the stage she had been in when she first arrived back in Tree Hill. She was a complete and utter mess back then. And to say she wasn't a mess now would be a lie, but she had definitely improved and had gotten better. This meeting with the therapist had proved such.

The whole car ride back home was spent in silence.

What had just happened was a big step for Brooke, and right now all she really needed and wanted was some time to think things over. But the silence got the best of her when she spoke up upon stepping into their house.

"I'm glad we did this." She nodded as she spoke. "It helped me…a lot, actually."

"I'm glad, too." He smiled softly before taking her hands in his. "We're good now…right?" He asked. "I mean, me and you, we're okay?"

"Yeah…I think." They had stopped fighting with each other and were no longer mad, so they were okay, weren't they?

"Good." He nodded, staring into her eyes. He could tell she wanted to say something, but for some reason she remained silent. "You okay?" He finally asked, urging her to tell him what was on her mind.

"Can I tell you something…?" She sounded hesitant and he wasn't sure why she felt she had to be. He was sure they had gotten everything out on the table that they wanted to at the therapy session.

"Of course…do you…do you wanna sit down?"

"Yeah." She nodded slowly before she turned around, walking to the couch; he followed.

"So, what is it, Brooke?" Lucas asked tenderly.

"I just want to explain to you better why I felt like I needed to leave town-"

"-Brooke, you don't have to." He cut her off.

"I know." She nodded. "But I want to. And besides, I feel like I owe you that at least; after everything, I mean." She took a deep breath before going on. "After he died, I blocked myself off from everybody. Even myself, if that makes sense. I wanted to talk about it, but there was something in me that kept all that locked up. I just couldn't do anything; like my body shut down or something. And after I realized how bad I had gotten, I figured that you were just disgusted with me, because I was disgusted with myself. I didn't go to his funeral."

Brooke closed her eyes. She hated recalling that. The thought made her sick; how she could be so selfish to not even attend her own son's funeral.

"And." She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes before continuing. "I didn't visit his grave. That all caught up to me and I realized by sticking around I must've been hurting you and putting more stress on you than you needed. I was trying to push all my feelings on you, when you had your own to deal with. And I just became so guilty for everything, that I needed to leave. Now I know that it still sounds selfish but if you could just forgive me-"

"-Shhh." Lucas placed a finger on her lips. "You were already forgiven the moment I saw you sitting on the steps when I got home that day. For you to come back after all of that, it showed me that you wanted to fix everything. You didn't want to keep living like we had been for those two months prior to that. I just needed time to adjust with you back. It hurt, but I never stopped loving you because of it. I promise." He finished his words off with a kiss.

They hadn't kissed in months so that made it all the more special.

When they pulled away Brooke looked directly into his blue eyes and she could've sworn she fell in love all over again.

"I love you." She was almost breathless.

"I love you, too. I never stopped."

"Doctor." Lucas called out.

Brooke had finally fallen back asleep and Lucas had slipped out of the room to find out if there was something that could be done. "There has to be something that you could do. You can't let our son d-d…" He couldn't bring himself to say the word. "Please."

"Mr. Scott, I assure you we are doing everything we possibly can. If there's something that can save his life, we wouldn't be keeping it from you. His stats still haven't improved, and we're still 

trying to fully diagnose the whole problem. I'll let you know whatever I know. Now if you excuse me, I have to go see another patient. I'll check back in in a little while."

Lucas walked away and back to the room defeated.

He knew his life was about to forever change…for the worse.

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A/N – So, how was it? Hope it was okay.

Again, sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Leave a review, please! (also, check out the latest chapter of "listen to your heart"!)

Review!

--Melissa : )