A/N – I suck! I know, and I'm so, so sorry!

Thanks: BrOoKe DaViS23, onetreefan, brucas333, CheerandBrood323, pink5288, Brooke D., beachbumyeahh, brucas3, Mosie1213, princetongirl, and tanya2byour21.

Next chapter is the last one! (I'll try to post it soon!)

Enjoy chap. 15 and review, please!

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 15 -

Lucas sat still in a daze, clutching his phone in his hands. The last forty-eight hours had been a complete blur, and the lack of sleep was definitely getting to his head. It had been hell.

He'd just spent a few hours calling everyone in his and Brooke's phone book, informing them what had happened. He then concluded all the conversations saying he'd let them know when the funeral would be. That part always took him a while to get out…he couldn't bear the thought of it, and having to say it, feeling the words form on his lips and roll of his tongue…well that was worse.

"She's sleeping again." Lucas jerked out of his trance upon his best friend's voice.

"Thanks again, guys…" He mumbled to Nathan and Haley who were coming down the stairs. "…For coming over. I know you had to call the babysitter for Jamie last minute…I just-" Bringing up Jamie made Lucas's heart drop. Jamie and Alex were so close in age and best friends.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lucas." Nathan shook his head. "We're here for you."

The second Nathan and Haley received the call, they dropped everything they were doing, called up Jamie's babysitter, and rushed to Lucas and Brooke's side. The first moments the four spent together were full of hugs and tears—mainly tears.

"I just…" He sighed. "Don't even know what to do…where to begin dealing with stuff…I can't even fucking wrap my head around this!" He shouted and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall. "Yesterday morning…" He swallowed hard, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "He was here. He was okay! He was healthy and he was goddamn alive!...How could this happen?"

He knew he had more calls to make, and soon enough he'd have to start making plans for the funeral. But right now, none of that seemed to matter because his world was falling apart before his eyes, and he felt too damn weak to do anything besides sit around waiting for things to turn up again…but that wouldn't even be happening soon.

Brooke looked in the mirror and felt a pang in her heart. The black material that consumed her body made her seven-month pregnant stomach look slightly smaller than usual, however just didn't look right. It looked too gloomy…too depressing…too real.

"Brooke…" She felt two arms wrap around her protruding stomach. "You okay, babe?"

She turned around to face him, and he too, as expected, was dressed in black.

"Yeah." She nodded hesitantly. "It's just a little hard…but I need to do this. It's time."

"Brooke, if you don't want to do this, it's fine. Just tell me and I can call it all off. I'll call Nathan and Haley…I'll tell them you're not quite ready…whatever you want to do; just tell me." He pulled her closer towards his body, feeling the warmth she offered. "Whatever you want, okay?" He pressed a kiss against her forehead.

Brooke nodded against his chest and drew out a heavy breath. "I need to do this." She nodded. "I want to do this. It's been a year overdue."

A year.

It had been a whole year since their world fell apart, and in those three-hundred and sixty-five days they'd been striving to rebuild their foundation of what made them them.

And as the date marking a year since their son died approached, Brooke realized she really hadn't said an official goodbye. She hadn't attended the funeral, much to her regret, and it had been killing her inside every time she thought about it. And that's when she thought that they should have a ceremony. Nothing big; just small and quaint. Just she, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, and maybe Jamie, if Nathan and Haley decided he should go. Jamie had gone to the funeral the first time, however it was hard for the young boy to deal with it, and Nathan and Haley weren't sure if they wanted to put their son through that again. He'd been healing slowly over the year, but losing his cousin who also happened to be his best friend definitely hit him hard.

"Okay." He mumbled and wiped away her tears with his thumb. "I'm proud of you, Brooke."

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She moved her sunglasses from her eyes and placed them on top of her head, studying the gravestone. This was it. Her official goodbye to her son. It may have taken a whole year to do it, but if that's the time she needed to finally accept what had happened, then that was okay.

Her wounds had healed, but the scars would always remain.

Through her blurry eyes, Brooke caught a glimpse of a small body brush past her to place a small basketball down on the ground.

"Jamie." She cried out. That young boy had such a big heart; just like Alex had.

"Hey, Aunt Brooke…mama said I can come over here. She and daddy are talking to Uncle Luke."

Brooke nodded and offered Jamie a small smile.

"It was the ball me and Alex used to play with." He spoke as he gestured towards the orange rubber ball, much smaller than an average sized basketball. "I was…" He paused, looking back down at the ball. "I was gonna give it to him last time I was here…but I wasn't ready to give it up yet, Aunt Brooke. Do you think he's mad at me?"

"No, buddy." Brooke spoke with a whisper and shook her head. "It takes people some time to heal, that's all. He understands." She explained.

"You think so?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course."

"Good." Jamie answered quietly before he looked back up at her. "Aunt Brooke?"

"Yeah?"

"Is the new baby going to replace Alex?" He asked so innocently it made Brooke's heart break.

"Oh…oh, no, buddy." Brooke bent down to his level and took both his hands in hers. "Your cousin is never, ever going to be replaced. Okay?"

"Okay." Brooke watched as he responded and as tears filled his blue eyes. "'Cause I miss him sometimes, and I don't want to have to forget him."

"Nobody's going to forget Alex. And whenever you're feeling sad and need someone to talk to, you can come to me, because every now and then I could use a little cheering up, too. And we can talk all you want. You got that? "

Jamie nodded and leaned in to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around his small body and stroked his blonde hair. "I love you, Jamie. You're a great little boy, you know that?" She pulled away with tears in her eyes. "You wanna know a secret?"

He shook his head and eyed his aunt curiously.

"Your new baby cousin is going to be a girl." She told him something she hadn't even told Lucas yet.

"So Alex is going to have a baby sister?"

Brooke smiled and nodded, giving Jamie another hug.

"I think he'll like that." Jamie mumbled, his head resting on his aunt's shoulder.

"Me, too, buddy." Once they pulled apart she grabbed his hand as the two just stood there.

"We love you and we miss you, Alex. We'll be back to visit soon."

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A/N – Okay please let me know what you thought.

Also, I'm gonna try my hardest to get "Straight From the Heart" updated; hopefully by tonight but I'm not making any promises.

Leave a review! Thanks! :)

--Melissa