I went on vacation and then to camp and then on vacation again. Then my computer broke. So sorry for being so late.
I made this chapter four pages, so even though this chapter is rather slow, I hope you still find it amusing.
Okay, here's chapter 29! (Once again, sorry!)
Daisuke was bored. Really, really, really bored. After he got over the intensity of what was going on, this was sort of like going on Superman at Six Flags and watching an episode of Pokemon simultaneously.
'Seriously, Dark, these bad puns are going to make my ears bleed!' Daisuke said.
"I think it's ridiculous too, but that's the only way to beat the villain on a TV show rated 13+ up merely for explicit content and dialogue directed at a younger audience," explained Dark. Shaking his fist, he added "Curse you, Krad!"
'Oh, come on, can't you finish this quicker?' Daisuke asked, folding his arms.
"Well, no- this battle has to last the equivalent of around half to two episodes of a TV show, but I can at least entertain you with the ridiculous story of my past. How about that?" Dark inquired.
'Very well.' Daisuke situated himself in the floor of Dark's mind. Dark cleared his throat and began.
"Well," said Dark. "It all began a very long time again, as several good stories do…"
Harnessing the power of Naruto, Dark took Daisuke into a flashback…
We'll get to that flashback momentarily. Let's check in with Satoshi and Krad first.
Satoshi, everyone's favorite blue-haired misguided, butler-less and cat-less teen, was trying to reason with Krad.
'Krad, this is going to get us into some trouble with the police, and one of those twin-peoples knows that I'm your alter ego, and- And what are you wearing?!' Satoshi shouted.
"You don't like it?" said Krad, sounding slightly downtrodden. "Wikipedia says I'm often 'clad in voluminous robes', so I thought that I might as well listen to them. I bought it from some guy named Ayame. By the way, isn't it strange that Wikipedia seems to know more about me than I do?"
'No! Wikipedia knows everything! Look, we're straying seriously off-topic here, as we usually do, but could you just stop fighting and focus on actually capturing Dark?' Satoshi demanded.
Krad shook his head. "Not if you don't say please."
Satoshi slapped himself in the forehead. 'Please then?'
"No."
'What?!' Satoshi ripped out strands of his hair in frustration. "Krad! Don't be so difficult! … Ugh, it's not worth reasoning with you. Just… hurry it up and stuff. Try to win or something. If you need me, I'll be jumping up and down in a cheerleader outfit and waving about pom-poms.'
Of course, Satoshi was being sarcastic. Instead, he sat down and impatiently waited in the cavernous insides of Krad's mind.
"I'm not a very good storyteller and there still isn't a campfire, but whatever," Dark started and cleared his throat. "Okay, once upon a time there was a guy named Man Ga."
Daisuke raised an eyebrow. " 'Man Ga', huh?"
"Be quiet!" Dark yelled. "As I was saying, Man Ga was really good at making things. He made several statues of several commonly known characters. When Man Ga died, a bunch of people took these statues and a bunch of stories were made about them."
"So people got all these statues for all those extremely popular plotlines out there?" Daisuke asked.
"Of course! Do you think Shigeru Miyamoto was clever enough to just 'make up' Legend of Zelda?" Dark shouted.
A/N: Shigeru Miyamoto was clever enough to make it up. No disrespect.
"… So what about you then? You were one of the statues he made?" Daisuke said flatly. "Somehow you got possessed and this whole plotline unfolded?"
"Yes! Some person came in one day, possessified our statue and boom, suddenly we were really exciting and plot-filled," Dark said. "And that's it."
"Wait, so who created you then?" Daisuke asked. "And dragged me into all of this, I might add?"
"I dunno, some dudette named Yukiru Sugisaki," Dark added with a shrug.
"Huh."
"… For some reason, when I think about her name, the words 'major hiatus' pop into my head," Dark stated thoughtfully.
"Well, I randomly shudder at the name 'Kevin Corn', so maybe there's a connection there," Daisuke added with a shrug.
Somehow, Daisuke felt let-down at the slight anticlimax, but then remembered there had to be more. "Why do you and Krad, like, hate each other anyway?"
"Because when our possessed statue became like all real or something," Krad began in his highly-educated lingo, "Krad wanted to take over the world immediately, but me, being the hot protagonist that I am, told him against it-"
Daisuke tapped his foot. "You're lying."
"… It was originally my idea, but it sounded like to much work," Dark admitted, slightly deflated. "But I actually did feel kind of guilty about it - and a world ruled by Krad would suck - so I've dedicated myself to destroying him and all the statues he possesses to do his bidding."
Daisuke nodded. "That sounds like the truth. But still, I'm stuck in this because of you!"
Dark grinned menacingly. "Can't say that I'm too upset about wreaking havoc on your life. Still, bet it's worse for Satoshi."
Daisuke blinked. "Huh? Why?"
"Because!" Dark yelled. "Krad sucks!"
Knowing that Dark was awful at being descriptive (and asking him to be would probably hurt his brain too much), Daisuke decided not to ask him anymore about this, since he would get similar only slightly more worded answers that did nothing to help him.
"Well, I just lost 'the game'," Grandude sighed.
Everyone growled and muttered the same thing, except Donis.
"Um, what is 'the game'?" he asked, taking a sip from his pocket teacup.
Risa looked at him with a macabre look. "So… you want to become slave to 'the game', too, do you?"
"Well, uh, not anymore-"
"It's too late! You've already heard about it and now you have to play!" Risa shrieked, pointing a finger at Donis.
"What? I- No! I don't want to!" Donis said, shaking his head, slightly terrified. "I have to live forever! And I can't even hug someone to get rid of the pain!"
Riku was sitting by herself, watching Dark and Krad duke it out. Daisuke's mom skipped up to her.
"Cheer up, Riku!" Daisuke's mom said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Have a lemon square!"
Riku sighed. "Aren't you worried about Daisuke at all? Or Satoshi? Sure, they're in really weird-"
"And extremely hot-" Risa poked in.
"… Forms," Riku continued. "But still, what if they get hurt? What are we going to do? Aren't you going to feel any guilt?"
"In all honesty, Daisuke's friend slightly less annoying than Daisuke's other friends, it probably never occurred to her that Daisuke would lose," Grandude said, taking a sip of heated mud because he was too lazy to open a tea packet. "She trained him since he was a wee boy. He should be fine. And if not, he gets to stay in the hospital and I get to sleep in his bed again! Go, Satoshi, go!"
"Grandude! That's enough of that!" Daisuke's mom snapped. She turned back to Riku and said gleefully, "Satoshi will lose because he doesn't have any friends! And you know that power is measured in friendship!"
"Oh. That's why you forced Daisuke to go to all those sports fairs and book talks and bake sales and art festivals and candle-making classes," Grandude muttered.
"Yes! And he didn't make a single friend until three years ago and it was that moron Takeshi!" Daisuke's mom shouted. "So none of you can back out now. I'll bribe you to be his friend if I must. Do you hear me?!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Daisuke's forced friends all said, except Risa, who didn't care.
"Oooooh, where's Satoshi?" Takeshi whined. He sniffled. "I've been waiting all night to give him this lovely pudding I made for him…"
"That pudding looks like crap," Wendy said.
Takeshi narrowed his eyes. "That's because it's chocolate, Wendy."
"You idiot! I didn't mean because of that! Do you actually think he'll eat your cooking? You're horrible at it!" Wendy explained without care of her brothers feelings.
Takeshi hung his head. "You're right. What should I do now?"
"I dunno. You could feed it to the evil dogs next door," Wendy suggested.
"Yeah, good idea! Oh wait… they might try to Tase us again…" Takeshi remembered.
Wendy was bored, so she slammed the bowl of pudding over her sad excuse for a brother/human being's head and went to go watch Cory in the House.
"Aargh!" Krad shouted as Dark kicked him upside the head. It was the final blow. Krad fell into the water. Amazingly, neither of them were bleeding, but somehow were completely beat up.
"Yay! We did it! Victory!" Dark shouted, doing Ash's 'Victory V' fingers.
'Dark, Krad transformed into Satoshi! He'll drown!' Daisuke shouted.
"Yeah."
'So…?'
"Sew buttons on your boots."
Daisuke shook his head. 'Just get him out of the water.'
"Why? He's your enemy! And he's creepy!" Dark argued.
"If I don't save Satoshi, Risa will kill me. She likes Satoshi. And you."
"What a two-timer," Dark said, but he didn't really sound like he cared. He flew down and dragged Satoshi out of the water, making him hit as many rocks jutting out of the water as he could.
"There's Ayaka and I at the beach," Donis said, showing off his cell phone picture collection. "There we are at Six Flags on the carousel… There we are beating her older brother at Skeeball… There's her older brother trying to put me in the garbage can… There we are getting my mail…"
"There's Dark!" Risa mega-squealed and everyone looked up, thrilled. Donis was still looking at Ayaka and himself playing Don't Wake Daddy.
"My Daisuke-Doodle-Dandy! How did it go?" Daisuke's mom asked, skipping up and throwing her arms around Daisuke, who was now in Dark's large clothes.
"Fine. I beat Satoshi, but don't worry, I saved him," he explained.
Suddenly, it was very quiet.
"What?" Daisuke asked, looking around.
"I told you to sell him to the neighbors when he was born," Grandude growled.
"What did I do?" Daisuke shouted, throwing his arms out.
"Oh well… Why kill your enemy when you can kill him… some other day?" Daisuke's dad tried.
"He's our family rival, Honey Toes," his mom scolded. "You have to get rid of him! He's evil!"
"But I don't want to kill anyone!" Daisuke whined.
"You get used to it after a while," his family said in unison.
Daisuke smacked a hand to his forehead. He was glad tonight was over at last.
At dawn the next morning, Satoshi had managed to crawled back to Takeshi's house. He wanted to get some sleep. He knew Takeshi was going to say something to him.
"Hi, Takeshi," he mumbled in a half-awake voice.
Takeshi looked quite forlorn. "My pudding melted."
"Um, that's too bad," Satoshi said. "I'll be upstairs."
"Okay," Takeshi lamented.
Satoshi crawled into bed and fell asleep immediately. It was not a good sleep. Satoshi never had a good sleep. Life was never that easy when evil statues rented out your head.
By the way, Takeshi was kicked in the shin by Wendy's eight-year-old enemy, bitten by dogs, Tasered and arrested. Then he came home the next day and his suffering pudding had passed away.
Oh, and Kevin Corn is the American voice actor for Daisuke. His voice has no personality.