Our Silent Sorrows

by angelsinstead

This story is a series of journal entries written by Todd as he and Marty go through the experience of trying to have a family. They will experience joy and heartbreak along their journey.

5. Journal Entry 5

Journal Entry 5 - Emergency Birth

At 8:47 pm, our child was born, weighing 3 pounds and 7 ounces. He's really tiny, but he's still hanging on. I got to see him in the NICU. He's adorable, but long and thin. Sadly, he's connected to so many tubes and wires. I worry that he isn't going to make it.

I worry that Marty won't wake up to see our son. I worry that Marty won't wake up AT ALL.

I feel torn into a million pieces. I keep running back and forth between Marty's hospital room and our baby boy in NICU. I feel that Marty wouldn't want me to leave his side, so I stay with him as long as I can.

Yet... I know SHE needs me, too. She's still unconscious and hasn't even opened her eyes. I told her we have our baby, but I don't think she can hear my words. I hold her hand; I kiss her lips, but she doesn't respond.

Marty, wake up. I need you! Please, Marty, wake up NOW! I am so lost without you. The doctors told me you were so close to death. I almost lost you! Believe me - I can't go on without you. Wake up and see our son. We haven't even named him yet.

I don't want to lose our baby boy before we give him a name.