As he hovered outside the door to their room, Haru's eyes wavered. He gazed uncertainly at the door handle. Was he really ready to say everything that was on his mind?
He hesitated. No. No, he wasn't. But it didn't matter…
Because all that mattered was Makoto.
Firmly, he grasped the handle…and opened the door.
There on the couch, half-asleep, was Makoto.
Something in Haru wished that he could watch him forever…To leave words unspoken in the atmosphere, to stay suspended in strands of honeyed hair and emerald forests half-hidden by fluttering eyelids.
But then Makoto met his gaze…and his world began to crumble.
"Haru!" Makoto almost fell off the couch before stumbling towards him, tripping over the scattered debris of bags and coffee tables. "Haru, you're back! I…" His eyes flickered, reflecting the young man before him. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I should have…"
"Makoto." Makoto started, his words cut off by the sheer emotion expressed in that single word…
"Haru…" he whispered. "What is it?"
"You…you were right." Haru forced himself to meet his gaze. "I'm not fine." Makoto's eyes widened. "I'm sorry for pushing you away," Haru continued. "I…I need to tell you something." He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with fresh air and the uncertainty that filled it. "I don't really know how to make sense of it. I don't really even know what it is. But I think…I think you deserve some kind of explanation."
"Haru…"
"Makoto, when I see you," Haru began, "my skin burns…and my eyes…and my chest." He could hear the breath catch in Makoto's throat. "My heart races. I remember your voice and your smile when I don't want to. It's like you won't leave me alone…and it feels like torture." His fists clenched at his side. "It feels like fear."
He closed his eyes, finding he was no longer able to look into Makoto's. "I want to talk to you normally…like we always talk…but it's harder now.
"Makoto…you're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night. You've always been at my side, and I always want to be at yours…" His jaw clenched. "It's been like that for a long time now. It's always been like that…and I don't want it to change!" Suddenly, he realised he'd touched on the heart of his fear and his eyes snapped open. "And I won't! I won't let it change! I won't let this feeling get in the way of that! Makoto…" Haru grabbed his shoulders. "IT'S MEANINGLESS WITHOUT YOU!"
"H-haru…"
His soul purged, Haru could finally stop the tide rushing from his mouth. He was shaking. Even beneath the trembling of his own fingers, he could feel that Makoto was as well. He swallowed and lowered his arms back to his sides.
"I…sorry."
"Wh-what?" Makoto stammered.
"I…I just thought you should know," Haru murmured. He forced himself to meet Makoto's gaze. "I know it isn't much of an explanation…but I just want you to know that whatever it is, whatever this feeling is…it isn't your fault." He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "It's mine."
He looked around for a few moments, desperate to find something, anything he could look at other than Makoto. Eventually, he decided on the floor.
"It's getting late," he said quietly. "You should get some rest." He turned around and was about to walk away when he felt a hand around his wrist.
"Haru, wait!"
Reluctantly, he turned around. He expected to see Makoto's features riddled with confusion.
And maybe that's what he might have seen had Makoto not been standing so close…too close to see anything but the most intimate parts of his face…
He could see the freckles on his nose again.
Makoto swallowed. "Haru…" he said, trailing off. His eyelids fluttered halfway closed, as though the only thing he had ever needed to see was the person standing right in front of him. Bright green stared into deep blue, and neither seemed to realise what was happening when Makoto's hands reached up to cradle Haru's face. And then, although Haru didn't think it was possible, he started to lean in closer.
"Makoto…" he murmured, "what are you…"
But he got no further. Because his mind had imploded…
…and Makoto's lips were on his.
For a moment, Haru thought he was going to die. A human heart couldn't possibly beat this fast.
He couldn't move. Memories rushed past him. Races and tournaments and relays, hidden smiles and interlaced fingers, colours and fear and sadness and happiness and warmth and…
…and love.
He loved Makoto.
That was all he really needed to know.
Without fully realising what he was doing, Haru slipped his arms around Makoto's neck. This is what he wanted, he thought. This is what it was to be free. He sank into Makoto's mouth, tangling his fingers in his hair, relishing the heat from his arms and neck. He was submerged in the scent of lavender and the chlorine nestling on his damp skin and Makoto's warm exhale as it became his inhale.
Makoto's hand traced its way from his cheek down his chest and ribs to settle at his waist and Haru's mind went numb. He was sure they would have stayed that way forever had Makoto not leaned too far forward and sent them both tumbling to the ground.
"Ow…" Haru muttered.
He opened his eyes to see half-closed ones pulling away from him and he vaguely wondered how anything so strikingly green could exist in his little world…
Then, Makoto's lids snapped apart. He gasped.
"Haru! Haru, I'm so sorry," he said, sitting up straight. He looked terrified. "I didn't mean…" He was cut off as Haru pulled him back to him, burying his features in Makoto's shoulder and closing his eyes.
"Makoto…shut up."
"H-haru-chan…" Haru let out a "tsk".
"I thought I told you to lay off the -chan."
Makoto stared at him for a moment, then laughed tearfully before rolling off Haru and nudging his way into his hair. When Haru didn't object, he sighed contentedly and wrapped his arms around him before closing his eyes as well.
"Right…sorry."
Haru could hear the smile in his voice.