A/N: It's been a while for this. Admittedly, because this is something my muse will never give up on, I usually save it for last on the updates but when you aren't updating much of anything else...well, you get the point. Anyway, huge thanks to escapismrocks for her input this chapter, kedda_nouvelle for handling all my demands, and to bowlerhat_girl who seriously just gave me the most ass kicking lesson on commas that I've had since I was seven. Enjoy-

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Bitter Uprising
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"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek replays the question what must be nine hundred and one times before the elevator comes to a halt on the ground floor and they are forced out by all of the incoming patrons. "Addison!" he shouts, as her heels click quickly across the tiles, headed straight for the doorway. "Where are you going?" he demands, finally having caught up in the third row of empty, shiny cars.

"I'll be home...in a while."

"That's not an answer, where are you going?" He tries to step into her path but she abruptly spins around having bypassed her own car in the frenzy.

"I need a minute."

"Fine. Where are you going?" Derek jumps in front of the driver's side door and holds up their daughter as a shield.

"I don't know."

"Tell me."

"You tell me first."

"Tell you what?" Derek questions, growing weary of the antics when the slight drizzle picks up into full blown droplets.

"Why didn't you tell me?"She jingles her car keys forcefully and waits for him to get the hell out of the way.

"It wasn't...there hasn't been..."

"Right, well, you think on that and I'll be back later."

"We should talk about this." Derek slides his free hand into the door handle, effectively keeping her from running him down in the parking lot. A threat from Meredith that he has certainly heard out of Addison's mouth more than once, at least, in more passive aggressive terminology.

"Go!" Collin screams at their knees.

"In a minute buddy," Derek assures him and focuses his attention on Addison's damp red hair. "Can we talk?"

"No," she declines and picks up Collin when he refuses to shut up about cars and going home for more than a second at a time.

"Why?"

"Can you answer the question?" Addison waits for the silence to come and finishes, "That's why and I won't do this in front of them...I won't be my parents...I'll be back later and we'll talk."

"Fine. Go." Derek spews, his temper reaching a breaking point. Running is his thing. Not hers. She yells, well he yells too but she is usually just diving head first into arguments. Apparently, this one is different enough to warrant a break before words can be said. Time to gather armor and weapons, never a good sign.

"Go! Car!" the dark haired child squeals again, bringing them both back to reality.

"Yes, go with Daddy in the car." She, despite her fury, helps him march down four more rows of vehicles and gets all of her children safely secure before turning back around and walking away without a goodbye.

She has no idea where she's going and she's getting there too damn fast to just go home and play devil to the wonderful Dr. Shepherd. Correction, Chief Shepherd.

~-~-~-~-~-~

"Dr. Montgomery, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Joe grins, filling her cup for the fourth time, this instance making sure the liquid is lower than the others. She's a fun drunk but as a good bartender he senses a bigger problem lurking, especially since he hasn't seen her in here for months.

"Life," she replies tersely and tosses back the burning alcohol before requesting another. She assures him that she's completely fine and just needs...an afternoon of drinking. That's her solution.

"How are the kids?"

"They make me want to rip my hair out strand by strand." The bitterness is evident and she couldn't care less. "How are yours?"

"More or less the same," Joe nods. "Husband or children giving you hell?" he asks knowingly.

"Both?" Addison shrugs and lets her coat fall off her shoulders unceremoniously to the dirty ground.

"Ah," Joe smiles and fills her cup again, watches her down it rapidly and then waits for the clunk on his counter. "Sometimes it's good to have a break."

"Thank you," she agrees, like the whole thing was in question, and then nearly tips off her stool as Mark slides in next to her.

"It's kind of early for that, don't you think?" Mark points to the empty glass and grins.

Addison looks to her watch, not able to read the time accurately, and then sighs, "Never."

"Derek?" Mark knows that face. Derek, all Derek.

"Yeah."

"Chief thing?"

"You knew?"

He tilts his head to the side, "Well yeah. It's been almost a month."

"A month," her head spins, "Chief Shepherd."

"I know," Mark offers and simply calls Joe back to get him started and to refill Addison again. She's going to need it because he can't help her anymore. He can't slug his friend in the face or defend her honor, he can't yell about him never being home or beg him to recognize what is happening. It's not his place any longer to take care of Addison, even if he wants to, even if it is second nature. Besides he has other things to focus on- like his own woman problems.

"You're going to approve of this?" Joe asks reaching for a clean glass.

Mark regards her quickly, the auburn hair he used to love tightly pulled back off her face, "It's all you can do when she gets like this."

"You're watching her then." He replies and slides her cup forward, careful not to let any of the prized liquor slosh out onto the counter.

"I always do," Mark replies acrimoniously. It's never been his job to watch her but he's always the one doing it. He orders a salad (a daring choice for this bar, he thinks) and pulls his phone out to see if Callie has called after their fight. Upon seeing nothing he browses for sports scores and munches on lettuce while Addison rambles about this, that and the other kid. And when it's all over- he's full and she's slurring and unable to be upright without the threat of breaking a heel somehow- he drags her to the parking lot and tosses her in the front of his two seater making sure she fastens her seatbelt and keeps her eyes off the spinning road below his tires.

Mark rings the doorbell of his ex-best-friend-turned-new-best-friend's house and waits. When Derek finally opens it wide, one screaming redheaded infant in his arms Mark sighs, "This is yours, I believe."

Derek rolls his eyes and then disappears to set down his daughter so that helping his wife in the house doesn't have to be more problematic than necessary. "I've got it from here." Derek tells Mark, looping a hand around Addison's shrinking waist and guiding her up the step into the entryway. "Thank you."

"Just doing my friendly duty."

Derek wanders the maze of large trucks and pointy blocks to get Addison upstairs, in bed, and close to the bathroom he has a sinking feeling she will need. Once he gets her dangerous shoes off and she fights against removing her clothes, he pulls back the covers and pours his wife, trashed at six in the evening, onto the cool mattress and spends the rest of the day figuratively biting his nails until she wakes up ready to brawl.

~-~-~-~-~-~

The fight, he realizes shortly after she joins him downstairs nearly four hours later, is not going to be happening, at least not today and not with any harsh words. Instead her shaky lips open with, "Sorry."

He eyes her sympathetically but then holds back. "I'm not going to say it's okay Addison. You left me alone-"

"With your children," she jumps in, curling into the corner of the chair, choosing to sit on the opposite side of the living room.

"You left me alone without telling me where you were going or how long you'd be gone. I had a hungry infant screaming for her mother because let's face it, I'm kind of at a disadvantage when it comes to feeding her-"

"There's milk in the freezer," Addison says nonchalantly.

"Which would have been good to know while I was calling everyone and my mother."

"You didn't." Addison grimaces and peels back part of her cuticle that's too dry to stay on her finger. She's nervous and enraged and it helps to have things to do.

"I did. I didn't, however, tell her why," he reveals, knowing she needs it. Family is not something to be screwed with, especially not after their last visit here. "And I handled it," he tacks on, because he's always in unfamiliar territory when it comes to his kids and how to manage their needs. Sure, the anaphylactic of a few months ago is funny now, but he's continually terrified that he's going to break one of them while she is gone.

"I'm still angry at you-" she tells him after a few quiet minutes pass.

"And I'm sure you'll be screeching about it for weeks to come."

"-but I want you to know that I am very proud of you Derek, and when I get around to it, I'll be happy too. Congratulations."

Now see that, he without a doubt did not see coming. "Oh...thanks," Derek stutters, the surprise in his voice evident.

"So can you answer the question yet?"

"Not with anything you want to hear." He motions for her to come sit next to him and she gives him a wavering grin but still shakes her head no. That's not a good sign. She always wants to cuddle at home, even if he is the reason she needs the human contact.

"Why don't you just go with the truth and see where that gets you." Addison offers.

Derek mutes the television that is lightly playing in the background and drinks her in. "There was never a good time."

"To tell me great, albeit life altering, news?" She waits for the real answer positive that there had to be some point in the last month where it would have been okay to blurt it out.

"I haven't been home much," Derek shrugs.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Sorry," Derek mutters and is forced to look away when the water perks up in her blue eyes. "It'll get better Addie. Once I get settled in and find a schedule that works, it'll get better."

Addison closes her eyes to keep from crying. The lingering hormones and heavy residue of alcohol in her system not mixing well. She's heard that specific phrase so many times before it no longer holds any meaning. "That doesn't tell me why you decided to make this a secret. A great thing Derek. We should have been celebrating and instead you made it into some huge issue."

"I thought you'd be mad."

"Well you sure as hell could have discussed it with me before you decided."

"You wouldn't have wanted me to take it." He nods, he didn't even want it, if he recalls correctly.

"Don't do that. Don't say that. I'm a surgeon too and this was your dream, our dream. I never would have held you back from that," she pauses for a second, "you really think I would've-"

"No," he interjects immediately before she gets all crazy and starts drawing lines to points that do not need lines drawn to them.

"But you said-"

Derek groans long and low. "Addison," he annunciates every syllable slowly, buying time, "I didn't say anything because you are already stressed out and I didn't think you'd take that kind of announcement very well, especially given how wrecked you were after Carson was born and then...it was easier not to say anything."

"To lie to me," Addison corrects.

"No, to omit, if we have to pick a word."

"Well, what did you think I was going to do to you? Cut your hands off for even thinking about it or something?" She shakes her head thoroughly confused. Derek is a weird man to follow sometimes and even now, after nearly thirteen years she has no clue. He makes sense in the long run, but getting to that point of comprehension can be so frustrating that she doesn't even bother.

"Addison you have to understand," Derek drops off realizing that is never a good thing to say. "You were exhausted and you were angry and your emotions were all over the place-"

"I'm still exhausted and angry if you haven't noticed," she intrudes.

"-and I thought it would be better until you were...I don't know...stable."

"Stable?" She quirks a brow in a silent challenge.

"I don't know!" Derek throws his hands into the air, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Always."

"And...if I wasn't there today and if you hadn't been stupid enough to take that page, when would you have told me?"

Derek braces for impact, their "discussion" mostly controlled, "Probably not until you went back to work in December."

"I see." Addison stands, straightens her rumpled skirt and heads for the kitchen in search of nourishment and something to ward off the potential hang over. Nothing says fun like a pounding headache and three kids who wake up well before the sun.

"Honey?" Derek calls out, following behind her. She doesn't reply but searches the cupboards for the crackers he knows live two shelves down. He slips an arm around her back and reaches for the package. "I am sorry Addison, not for taking the job, but for not telling you about it sooner. I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I wanted to tell you myself."

She snags the snack from his hands and fills a tall glass with water before heading back upstairs to check on the twins and to make sure that Carson is asleep and not silently staring up at her unmoving mobile.

"Addie?" Derek questions worriedly. She leaves him alone, under the harsh florescent light to figure out what exactly it means when she's angry enough to not speak with him for the rest of the night.

She astounds him all of the time and he wonders, as he follows wordlessly behind her, if he just never noticed what the silent treatment meant before in all of the fights that he can't recall.

Sometimes he really wishes he would've just paid attention the first go around. He'd have such a better chance these days if he had. Mostly though, he simply hopes that she simmers all night and they can wake up and get on with their lives. He has a feeling, as she quietly clicks their bedroom door shut in his face, only to return a minute later with his pillow and a spare blanket from the chest at the end of their bed, that this is not going to be one of those fights that magically resolves itself.

~-~-~-~-~-~

"I told you Richard. I told you!" Derek spouts off, placing a cloth napkin over his knee.

"Derek, sweetheart, calm down and eat your soup." Adele instructs and warns both men to keep the shop talk to a minimum.

"And I told you that I will have a couch ready, and I do." Richard retorts and turns his attention to his bread and butter.

"I don't need a couch. I have a couch, that I have been reduced to sleeping on, thank you very much."

"Child, give Addison time to cool down. You know her temper..." Adele drags on waiting for him to agree. "Give her time."

Richard smirks at Derek, happy to have his wife berate the younger man, overjoyed to have someone who will keep them both in line again. "I never said it would be easy Derek and I specifically recall saying that you should tell her sooner rather than later-"

"There wasn't a good time," Derek interrupts and then sips at his water.

"Yes, well, that better not keep you from bringing Addie and my new babies around more. They need to be spoiled properly," Adele speaks up, glaring at Derek who drops his head to his hands only to be told to get his elbows off the table.

He cannot win these days. The problem is that he thinks he was right; the problem is that she knows she was. The issue is they can't meet in the middle and for the first time in a long time they are realizing how big of a deal that fact is.

It's no longer charming or cute that they don't agree. It's not a fun quirk in their relationship. It's a looming catastrophe because they have three little innocent children that don't need this.

And for the life of him, Derek can't understand, what with Addison's pathological need to plan and focus and analyze and his yearning to be the perfect dad, why it is that they never saw this coming before.

This is what they get for deciding they were out of time and rushing things along.

He calls Addison forty minutes later and explains that he won't be home tonight and not to worry and to kiss the kids for him. She is polite and warm in her response and even lets him attempt to talk to both boys on the phone, but deep down he knows that he won't be missed by anyone but the dog, who has already proven to be quite the traitor.

~-~-~-~-~-~

On Izzie's last day, a week later, a week of monotonous routine and keeping up appearances around their kids when they are together, Derek makes a point of coming home early to see off the person who has helped them so profoundly he can't even begin to put it into words.

"Addison? Addie!" Izzie hears Derek's voice call out. She flips her watch over and tries to yell back to him over the screams coming from her arms but she can't.

"Oh hey." Derek smiles warmly upon finding all four occupants of his home upstairs and the dog hot on his heels after coming downstairs to find out what was happening. "She sick?" he asks concerned.

"Teething maybe or just cranky today, I think, she's not really feverish," Izzie explains and brushes a dark curl off of Carter's face who is fast asleep, head resting on her thigh, despite his sister's wails.

"Ah. Where's Addison?" He steps in, feeling like an intruder in his own house, noting how this does not feel like his room; his life. How oddly right it feels that Izzie is holding his kids and not his wife; how she fits so perfectly into the world he is struggling in. It's near infuriating.

"I'm not sure. She's not home yet," Izzie says calmly and offers Carson her pointer finger to mash her gums into. The blanketed baby accepts greedily and calms herself quickly.

"So that's how you get her to settle down," Derek laughs. "I never thought about that."

"Yeah sometimes you just need to shove your fist into someone's mouth...or finger." Izzie chuckles and offers her up to him. He merely shakes his head. He doubts this would fix his troubles with Addison, but damn if it isn't an entertaining thought.

"She looks comfortable with you, wouldn't want to upset her again."

"True."

"I'm going to go call Addison," Derek mentions trying to escape the room where all of his children are laying by what he considers to be merely an acquaintance, or almost friend, that is if they can be friends.

"She isn't picking up her phone. I tried."

"Figures." He nods, "Well...I..." he points to the hall.

"You should stay. I can go. Get ready for my big day back at work tomorrow and all." Izzie smiles.

"Right." He swallows heavily. "I don't know what we are going to do without you," he blurts out as Izzie carefully situates Carson and tries to slip out the door without waking anyone and causing the huge scene that happens when she tries to leave everyday. A scene which Addison admitted once, though mostly sleep deprived and strung out, makes her feel like the hugest failure in the history of all mothers. Izzie supposes she'd be jealous and upset too if her children always wanted the caregiver instead of their mother. It's fair but that's also just kind of the way kids are.

"You'll manage," Izzie tells him and pulls her long ivory sleeves over her shaking hands. She'll manage too. She'll miss it, but she can still visit, or offer to watch them on certain nights. It's not really over.

"Let us hope." He teases but they can both tell how deadly serious he is.

"It's been an honor to be able to watch them-"

"Don't do that," Derek stops her.

"Do what?"

"Don't make it into that."

"Ok." Izzie nods.

"Night Izzie. See you tomorrow."

"See you boss," Izzie calls ten steps down toward the stairs. She hears him grumble something about calling him Derek outside of work before she makes it all the way to the living room. Then she's gone just the same as she came.

~-~-~-~-~-~

"Hey man," Mark slides over to where Derek is filling out charts, "Got a minute?"

Derek checks his watch certain that he is forgetting something and then scours over the notes the incompetent intern before him left. "Sure. What do you need 'cause I am not letting you take Henderson's OR. I'm so tired of that woman-"

"Different woman," Mark announces, catching too many people's attention for his liking and giving Derek a shove down the hallway so they can talk in semi-privacy.

"Ok. What did you do this time?"

"Nothing," Mark shakes his head innocently. "I did nothing. Callie is out of her fucking mind lately."

"They do get that way," Derek chuckles, glad that someone else is going through hell too. In the five days that Izzie has been back to work, Derek has gotten approximately twenty minutes of alone time in with his wife. On the up side, and considering the state of things lately he considers this a pro side thing, he got back in his bed last night. She won't snuggle, cuddle, or accept being touched but he's there so that has to be something. "Just get flowers, whatever you did, get flowers."

"Yeah, that work for you with Addison?" Mark inquires, not that he is terribly interested in what happens in that house, but he would like for them to be good together...because when they aren't he gets horrible ideas in his head and begins acting on impulse.

"No." Derek smiles, "Addie isn't big on apology flowers instead of apologies."

"You expended that option before," Mark chimes in perfectly to remind them both of what they were thinking about.

"Yeah, guess I did." Derek says. "So...Callie?"

"Crazy."

"Right."

"I didn't tell her she looked fat-"

"Oh, you didn't do that. I told you-"

"I said the bump was cute...and maybe that we'd have a large, healthy baby but apparently, she was laboring under the misapprehension that she wasn't showing yet."

"Gotta let them live in the dream world man." Derek slaps his back roughly as they round the corner.

"So...what do I do?" Mark asks nervously. This should not be his go-to person for relationship advice but he's working against a clock, an insane hormonal woman, and himself here so he kind of has to go with who he's got.

"Apologize."

"Check."

"Flowers."

"She threw them back in my face and slammed the door," Mark fills in.

"Nice. Umm...you could take her away for a weekend," Derek offers. He hasn't been able to do that in months. It sounds wonderful.

Mark smiles, "So...you are going to give us some time off together then?"

"Right...or you could just keep at it. Make her hear you. Be a man."

"This coming from the guy who is sleeping three rooms down from his wife, if I heard right...though knowing the layout of your house, I'd say it's more accurate that you are actually downstairs."

"I never claimed to be good at this," Derek jests lightly, hoping that they don't fall into the dangerous territory they both try so hard to steer clear of. No one likes the awkward reminders, especially when they are attempting to move on and be adults, well, as adult-like as they can possibly be for a bunch of teenagers who deal only in saving lives and sex triangles.

"Obviously." Mark pats his friend's arm and points up to the end of the hall where Addison is standing with all of their children.

"Shit, it's Halloween."

"Even I knew that one." Mark smiles and gives Addison a wave before spinning back around and getting the hell out of the way. "Luck."

"Thanks," Derek states flatly before hurrying forward to where his boys are trying to break free from their mother's tight hold and rush down the hall toward him.

"Hey," he says worriedly.

"Hello," Addison greets and releases her heathens to attack their father. Derek smiles before realizing that he wasn't there to help get the costumes or help them get ready. "I-We just wanted to come see you before the boys had to go to bed. They wanted to show their outfits."

"Cute." Derek laughs and swings Collin up into the air.

"They picked," Addison shrugs and shifts the carrier to the ground to save her arms. "And I'm no fan of Halloween but this is the one day of the year where it's kind of fun to pick on twins...and Thing 1 and Thing 2 seemed way too obvious for our children."

"I thought you liked dressing up for me." Derek smiles broadly as his wife glares and he decides not to push his luck. "And what do we have down here?" Setting his son down, Derek begins investigating his daughter's outfit. "Black?"

"Orange is not a good color for her," Addison explains softly looking at her husband. "Anyway..."

"I was supposed to be home," Derek colors in the blank for her.

"Yes."

"I remember you asking me to make sure I was home."

"Yes." Addison purses her lips. She's exhausted. More so since Izzie has been gone and she's either going to burst into tears or collapse on the floor, neither being something she wants to do at work. "Can we go upstairs?"

"Sure," Derek nods not noticing her change in demeanor. "Maybe we can steal some candy from the nurses in the process."

Addison takes a deep breath. That is on the long list of the last things she wants to be doing right now. Topping it out are fielding more screams of "Dadddddyyyyy!" when one of the boys is in trouble and being thrown up on again. Motherhood is not sitting well with her today.

~-~-~-~-~-~

"What do we have here?" Miranda Bailey asks, stopping in the hall and not caring to hide her sympathetic smile. "Jokers? Are you guys jokers?"

Addison cringes when Carter claws the back of her bare knee trying to hide from the big, bad, scary woman. "They're shy, kind of."

"Tuck's a little shy right now too." She stands up straight. "At least with strangers. Alright let me see the little one and then you can be on your way." Miranda glances at Derek, telling him to give her up. "Oh...you get cuter every time I see you. Yes you do," she pauses when Derek starts trying to cover up his laughter. "Oh you shut up. You're worse than anyone in this hospital." She turns her attention back to the baby in her arms. "Your daddy is a very silly man. I have stories for you, so many stories."

"Miranda," Addison says softly, willing the woman to just hurry the hell up.

"Oh alright." She hands over the squirming infant. "There you go."

"Dr. Bailey," Derek nods his goodbye.

"Chief, Addison," she complies and drifts off.

Once securely inside of Derek's new office, Addison lets the façade drop off. Her posture droops and she stops watching what the twins are trying to rip off the walls to play with. "Derek."

"I'm sorry," he begins, still busy playing with Carson on the well used couch up against the wall. He hasn't really changed a thing about the office other than adding his own books and a few pictures. "And I know that doesn't make up for anything but-"

"I'm done," Addison admits, catching his attention instantly.

"Done?"

Her brow creases in confusion until it clicks. "No, done being angry. It's too much effort. And yes, you were supposed to be home, and yes we promised to join Mark and Callie for dinner and a quick trip around the block so they could get the full effect of trick-or-treating but I don't care and Callie isn't speaking to Mark anyway and I'm tired, so tired and I don't want to keep doing this alone."

"You aren't alone," Derek refutes.

"Sure feels like it," Addison retorts immediately, the bitterness replacing her disappointment.

"Addison-"

"No, just...can we stop? You got a new job, congratulations, now come home."

"Addie-" Derek attempts, knowing it's futile but also aware that keeping up appearances is a plus.

"I can't anymore...and I don't have Izzie...I don't have anyone and I haven't slept in days because I have been so angry at you for lying to me...and I need to sleep, please. Please." She slides into his arms when he stands up and demands that she come see him with a firm wiggle of the fingers.

"It wasn't my fight to end."

"You were angry-"

"I got over that the day it happened but we should probably discuss it a little and we need to work on this talking thing anyway...we can't fight like we used to. Not with the kids."

"I know," she hiccups and just gives in when the arm around her back begins to rub soothingly up and down her spine. "I don't even want to fight."

"You did."

"Yes."

"Agree to call a truce?" he asks quietly, motioning for Carter to let go of his nameplate. He feels her head move against his shoulder. "I promise to tell you if I get promoted again...and the hours, they will get better and I know you don't have any reason to believe that but I need you to trust me, okay?"

"'Kay," she sniffles and tries to pull it together before it really goes downhill. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," he sighs, holding her a little tighter. "Do you want to wait for me and then we can go home together, maybe even go for that walk-"

"I just want them to go to sleep." She laughs a little ashamed. "I've had enough for the day."

"Ah, she finally admits to not being invincible. I knew something would finally do you in Addison Shepherd. I only wish that I would have thought of it sooner." When he feels her struggle to get a breath in and feels the wetness on his shoulder begin to reheat he knows that's too touchy of a subject. "Too soon. Sorry."

She pulls back and bites her lip, embarrassed at the lack of control she presently possesses. "How long?" Derek points to the stack of papers on the desk and Addison hangs her head. "It's ok, I'll just see you at home."

"You sure? I could maybe leave the time sheets until tomorrow...if I come in earlier-"

"No, it's fine. You have work and we are distracting you. Boys, come here. Time to go." She hears one of them screech "Go!" entirely too loud and entirely too annoyingly before packing it all up and turning around the train toward the same direction they came from.

She can't help but feel coming to visit him accomplished virtually nothing.

~-~-~-~-~-~

He finds her at home four hours later, two hours after he wanted to get out of the hospital, pressed between the cushions of the couch he was calling his bed and flipping through the channels like she is actually interested in finding something to watch. In his experience she could flip for the next twenty minutes until she got sleepy and let go of the idea. Television was never really her forte. She likes the control the clicker gives her though.

"Addison," Derek warns by calling her name and then pries the remote from her hands, placing it on the coffee table in front of them. "I got out of there-"

"Save it," she tells him.

And instead of arguing he eyes the pajamas and lack of makeup that allows him to see just how run down she really is. "Ok." Leaning back, he props his feet up on the sturdy wood and lets out a long puff of air. "I need for you to understand that running away and drinking isn't going to solve anything and I know you are a very intelligent woman and that you were reacting to what was in front of you-" he grimaces when he starts sounding too much like Kathleen, "-but we have a family now and they have to come first no matter how angry we are at each other."

"I understand that." She closes her eyes and leans into the arm of the couch, sleep sounding so inviting now that he is home and near. "I made a mistake."

"I want them to have everything."

"Me too," she agrees. She wants them to have everything they want, within reason.

"It's hard and I haven't been here, not enough for it to count because they are usually asleep when I get in, and I want to apologize for that."

"Derek, I know the deal. I know how the job works but...there has to be some sort of compromise in there."

"I'll find it."

"Well, find it faster because we are falling apart over here. I didn't sign up to be a single parent," she tells him sleepily, the statement loosing all traces of frustration and spite in her lazy speech patterns. He likes that it dulls their feuding fire to a dull roar. She's easier to handle like this than when she is stamping around and gesturing wildly.

"I'm in this, I'm not going anywhere," he replies, knowing the weight and history and future of a simple sentence.

"I...you didn't jump on board with this knowing you would be gone so much. I thought...I just can't believe that you would willingly take something so daunting over without telling me...and without attempting to make it work better." Addison stretches out, pushing her warm feet under his jean covered legs, "That's what I don't get. Why didn't you want to tell me? Why don't you want to share with me? Are we going toward that again? Cause I don't know how to stop us if you aren't helping."

"You're freaking out a little," Derek smarts and pries her feet out to massage her heels.

"This is a big deal to me."

"Addie you are first person I wanted to tell."

"But you didn't," she corrects, moaning a little as his fingers dig deeper into her overused feet.

"No, I'm an ass."

"True." She laughs a little, giving it some effort but letting her eyelids stay sealed. Having a conversation half awake is more productive then she thought it would be.

"From now on I will brave the waters of your dark hormonal side."

She lets it go, mostly because she knows she was a mess of insecurity and raw feelings. And she still has her doubts but with everyday there is gradual progress in her abilities and it eases her mind. She never imagined she would be a new mother with three children. In hindsight this was actually a horrible idea, not that she can say that out loud. "You're missing things."

Derek lowers his head. He knows. He's seen a few of the things he's missed and had a sudden moment of 'When did that happen?' but there is nothing he can do about any of that now. "Tell me about the things Add. Just because I can't be here doesn't mean I don't want to hear."

"Now?" she yawns.

"Sure, just a few so I don't feel like a bad father and then we will go to bed, together."

"They talk a lot, mostly just imitating what I say but they are learning too, what the words mean, really quick. I feel like we aren't going to be able to keep up soon. And they still hate their sister and they're jealous and I don't know how to deal with that...and Izzie was so good at it...and Carson is still pretty quiet but she babbles more and she can hold her head up a lot more now if she's on her tummy, which she hates by the way, I think because she can't see what's going on...and she's a sitting duck for her brothers. And she gets scared when Graham barks. And," she raises her voice a little in case he drifted off somewhere during her rambling, "Carter hardly cried through his bath tonight. It was...magic."

"Wow," Derek says genuinely impressed by all of it and by the absolute cuteness his wife exudes when telling him about all of their adventures. He knows she's ridiculously and inappropriately apprehensive about her abilities as a mother but she's so damn attentive that it's hard to fault her when she does stupid things like getting drunk and running away from home. In fact, she could probably tell him exactly how many cheerios Collin ate this morning or how many minutes his daughter napped for this afternoon.

"Yeah," Addison nods, her face brushing against the red material, finding a sudden burst of accomplished pride.

"Bed?" he questions, resting her foot against his lap.

"Do we have to move?"

"You'll be happier in the morning if we do," he reminds her. The couch, he has learned, is not that great for overnight visits.

"Right." She contemplates staying put but before she can give it too much thought she finds herself up in Derek's arms. "What are you doing?"

"Helping my tired wife find her bed."

"I'm not having makeup sex with you. I can't stay awake for that, no offense." She cuddles into his chest as they find the stairs and keeps her mouth shut about being too heavy and having a stupid girl freak out about being dropped. If he thinks he can manage then she isn't going to say a word.

"None taken, and I'm not trying to get in your lovely pants." He takes the first stair confidently and notices when she relaxes in his arms.

She frowns at her plaid pajama pants. "They're comfortable."

He grins, "I know, they're mine."

"I missed you," she confesses. She's actually slept in something of his, whether it be a plain undershirt, or a long Yankees tee, or his favorite thermal every night. She found, all those years ago that really do seem farther in history than they are, that this helps.

"I missed you too Add." He pauses to kiss the top of her head and then continues on, taking her to the room that they share, assured that this night will be very different than all the ones they have had in the last few weeks, maybe even in months.

It's time to grow up and grow together.

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