A/N: Alright, so, here it is, finally, chapter 3. Sorry for the long delay, I've had an exceptionally trying month and a half but things seem to be getting better, so hopefully there won't be too long a wait until the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.
The Ice is Getting Thinner (4/9)
Summary: Jack patiently awaits the Doctor, and Ianto is nowhere to be found.
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all characters belong to BBC and RTD. Song lyrics belong to Coldplay
Chapter 3: Lost
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off.
Jack is already halfway to the heart of the Hub when he realizes the haunting sound of the Tardis has come not from the actual machine but from the recesses of his dreams. He sinks into the nearest chair, frustrated, feeling like a fool in sweatpants and a sweaty t-shirt, some sight for the Doctor to see.
Running a hand through his equally sweaty hair, he knows there is no getting back to sleep for him. That he had slept deeply enough to dream in the first place was surprising enough. He suddenly realizes that he had been sleeping so deeply that he has neglected to notice his normally full bed had been conspicuously empty of life aside from his own.
Racing back to the bed, he climbs down the ladder hastily, landing on the mattress, confirming its lack of another body, realizing belatedly that it could've ended badly if he had been wrong. He panics; he was certain they'd fallen into bed together, exhausted, too exhausted to drive to Ianto's flat. He flicks on the light, and a small, folded piece of paper on the night table catches his attention. Feeling dread build in the pit of his stomach, he opens it, reading quickly.
I've gone for the night, Jack. Should've woken you but couldn't, you looked so peaceful and god knows sleep for you is a rare treasure. I couldn't sleep for a change, had to clear my head. I'm home. I'll see you in the morning.
Ianto
The letter itself seems innocuous enough, but the implication of "I've gone," and the read-between-the-lines quality of "don't follow me," gives Jack pause. He knows that Ianto wouldn't lie to him, but he also knows that the past few months have been a toll on Ianto most of all because he was hides with such skill behind his perfectly presentable suit.
However, the darker, uglier part of Jack, the part that rears its head so much more often anymore, believes that Ianto is having a rendezvous with whomever he is seeing on the side, and it made his dark, ugly self want to call up John as payback.
He remembers when he was the man on the side while Ianto had loved Lisa, a time when he had so firmly convinced himself he would not acquiesce to love again because it just hurt so much. He really hoped this guy (or girl) knew what he was getting into because Ianto was a pro at fooling someone into believing that they were his world. Which made it all the harder, because Jack knew that when Ianto loved, the one he loved was his world, and how the hell was Jack supposed to tell the difference?
***
In the morning, he emerges from his office, hands in his pockets, and is greeted with the sight of not Gwen and Ianto as he'd come to expect, but Gwen and her husband, who looks very much in a state of false bravado as he hovers beside her desk and she whispers, "Hush now, just let me talk to him."
"I don't even want to be here," he whispers back, and Jack can't help but roll his eyes.
"What's this we have here, Gwen?" he asks, as if he is blind and deaf and doesn't realize she's trying to manipulate him.
"Rhys is coming to work for us, Jack, as general support, take some of the work away from Ianto, and there's no harm to it because he knows who we are and what we do and he's already proven himself." As confident as she tries to sound, she can't help but rush through the well-practiced speech. She ducks her head a moment, gathering her stubborn courage back together, and stares him straight in the eyes. "We need more people, Jack."
"Okay," he says, and takes the few steps to where Rhys stands, the mirror picture of shock to his wife. "Welcome to the team." He offered his hand as well as a smile packed with every ounce of his charm, "Try not to get yourself killed."
As he walks away, he is sure he hears Rhys whisper, "Maybe you could talk to him about having a baby now," and Jack has to try very hard not to laugh.
***
He retreats back to his office and quickly sends off an email, asking Ianto to begin updating Rhys's information into the computers and the Archives, though he has a nagging feeling that Ianto has done so already. His phone vibrates, and he groans out loud when he reads the name. John. John, who has already done so much damage, who is probably looking to cause more. "What?" he answers testily.
""M done playing home wrecker with you and Eyecandy. Someone's making me an offer and I'm taking it, so don't expect to be seeing me around here anytime soon." The call disconnects, leaving Jack with one eyebrow raised, confused. That was easier than he expected, easier than it should have been.
***
Ianto is still missing by mid-morning. Upon asking Gwen, she reveals that he is, in fact, inside the Hub, but has secluded himself to the Archives. Not before providing Gwen and Rhys with coffee, of course, managing to provide the latter with exactly what he wanted without even having been told. (Gwen had previously sworn not to ruin the magic by telling Rhys that Ianto had asked her ahead of time about his preferences. Jack didn't know the secret either, and was, as usual, suitably impressed.)
Jack looks at his desk. As he has observed the first five times, the spot reserved for his coffee is just as empty as it had been when Ianto had removed his cup from the previous evening. Possible scenarios ran through his mind. Payback for the ongoing boxers debate, possibly, or maybe his thoughts were so occupied he'd simply forgotten. Jack knew better, though. He had done it on purpose, because Ianto never forgets, not when he's sick, not when he's hurt.
He checks the CCTV and finds him exactly where he expects, in the Archives, standing over a drawer, and Jack briefly wonders if Ianto is taunting him with a very precise view of his perfect ass. Of course he is, he knows. Jack could laugh, but instead he chooses to hunt him out, and maybe, as the little nagging voice that sometimes sounds like Rose and sometimes sounds like Martha but always rings true of his mother's wisdom says, maybe begin to close that great big bleeding wound that had become their relationship.
He leans on the wall, casually, and he doesn't say anything, because he knows Ianto knows he is there, and he knows Ianto knows he knows, and while he tries to sort that out he doesn't notice Ianto calling for his attention until the second go.
"…are you even listening? Jack?" He looks annoyed, and Jack wonders briefly if that old warning, "don't make that face or you'll get stuck with it," is true at all because that's the only look Ianto's had on his face for what feels like months and frankly Jack is tired of it.
"Yes, Ianto?" he says calmly.
"I said: I'm surprised you've functioned this long without your coffee." He closes the drawer he's been working in and leans against it. Jack remembers the oh-so taunting view of the ass that's now pressing into a cabinet. What a waste, he thinks, but rears his mind in because he knows that right now is not the time to screw around, no pun intended.
"Oh, well, that's why I'm here. The masses are clamoring for your special blend," he says, and realizes, with some annoyance, that he sounds as nervous as he feels.
"The masses have been rewarded," he says with a smirk on his face, "You're the only one suffering caffeine withdrawal at the moment."
There's an awkward pause for a few moments, each daring the other to break the silence first, until Jack caves. "Fine, what did I do?"
Ianto sighs, making a fist, letting it go. "Did you ever think it may not be something you did, specifically?" he continues, in such a low voice Jack unconsciously leans in to hear, " That maybe for once, I'm completely unfazed by your distance, unperturbed by your affairs on the side, and completely fucking over your pathetic pining for the Doctor?" Suddenly, his voice raises, and he grabs Jack's braces, maybe for a hold on the world, maybe out of anger, "Did the possibility that I may have my own problems that have nothing to do with you? That I left in the middle of the night not because I don't know what to do about us, even though I don't, but because I'm trying to sort through my own mind? And you don't even ask. You don't even notice. Because you're too busy trying to figure out what you did wrong,"
"And I'm just making it worse," he finishes softly, gently removing Ianto's clenched fists from his braces and lowering them to his sides, where he keeps hold of them loosely. "I'm not pining for the Doctor," he says, and even he knows it sounds weak.
Ianto shakes his head, rolls his eyes, uses every facial muscle to convey how utterly unconvinced he is by the statement. "He isn't coming Jack, you'll just have to face facts. Whatever phone call you had with Martha was your unintentional red herring. You chose to stay here, for a second time, and you don't get to take it back a third."
His eyes widen in shock, and he scrambles to defend himself, letting go of his hands. "No, Ianto, I don't want to leave, never, that isn't what I want, I want," he begins, and he has no idea.
"You want him to come visit, to pop in for tea once a week and keep up with the kids, and you can't seem to get your head around the fact that he isn't keen on playing house with anyone, you especially." He spits out the last words, so utterly sick of the discussion. "I know you've been dreaming about it more than the one time I found you in the kitchen; expecting him to show up in the middle of the night, but it isn't going to happen."
"How can you be so sure?" he demands, ego wounded.
"I know. Isn't it enough that I know?"
"Have you developed psychic power as well as a diva complex being down here so long?" he says flippantly, and immediately regrets it.
Hurt, Ianto looks away. "Fine Jack, I get it, I'm not allowed to be human anymore. Give me a little more time; I'll have no emotions just like you."
"No, I didn't mean that." He takes his hand again, ignoring the offense because he knows he deserves it. "How do you know?"
"Because he picked me, instead of you," he says with more daring than he should. Jack is so shocked he doesn't even drop the hand uselessly once more, just stares into his eyes, waiting for some sort of explanation.