New York's streets were empty that late in the evening. After a long day's work, sailors ambled around their gear, repairing old nets or scraping their boats clean while women of every age and colour rushed back to their homes to prepare dinner and lighten up the fire.
For once I, too, had someone to go back to, even though I wasn't sure I could consider this 'someone' family. Not after all that time. Not after what had happened.
My mother's home was a modest cottage located in the eastern part of the city. I hadn't been too surprised to find her in the suburbs: I knew she would never abandon the simple way of life she had always led. So here I was now, staring at some sad gardening tools scattered in the little front garden in a desperate attempt to delay knocking. I had almost convinced myself that the whole thing had been a terrible idea when a metallic noise made me realise that it was too late to go away.
"Liam" my mother said simply, opening the door. She looked so much older than I had thought when peering at her in the market, but still... this was the first time in years I had her straight in front of me.
"Liam" she repeated, and now I could sense she was thinking whether embracing me was a good idea or not.
Finally, she decided for the latter and she moved aside to let me in.
"You... You go first" I offered, and then I followed her inside.
As I had guessed, none of my mother's old habits seemed to have changed. The inside of her home was simple but clean and neat, with skeins on every sill; the curtains hanging by the windows had been patched various times with extreme accuracy and so had been the tablecloth of the small room she guided me in which I took to be both the kitchen and the dining room. Notwithstanding of the accuracy with whom the house was cared, I couldn't help but think that the whole place stank of loneliness and mould.
"You drink tea?"
"I... Fine"
She approached the kettle hissing on the fire, moving slowly around it as if she was afraid to burn herself. I watched silently as she poured the dark liquid into a clean cup.
"You like it strong, yes?" She asked.
I nodded. My father liked it that way, too, and the thought tied my throat in even faster a knot.
"So" she said in the end, "what have you been up to? You never said anything in your letters"
I waited for a moment, unable to focus entirely on the situation. For the first time in years, I realised that my mother had learned how to read and write. She had probably done so that she could understand the short and lied-filled letters I sent her at times. If they could even be called letters. Right now, the feel of her eyes, green like mine but much more pliant made me feel like a little child again. I knew she wanted an answer.
"I... I am quartermaster of a merchant ship. We mainly sail in the North, but sometimes we go as far as Mexico and Columbia"
"Sounds like a good job" she commented, embarrassed.
No one spoke for a little time. 'It has been a terrible idea to come here' I thought again for the millionth time. I had just decided to stand up and leave when my mother moved forward and brought her chair nearer to mine.
"Do you have a family?"
"No... Not yet"
"Do you plan on having one any time soon?" I looked at her face again, for a longer time now. She was almost smiling. I almost smiled, too.
"Yes" I lied, "of course"
"Good. I... Ever since your little brother Jamie died I longed to hold a baby in these old arms of mine"
The memory hit like a punch in the stomach, urging me to change the subject before grief overcame us both.
"You know, I... I felt surprised by your letter... it is not the first time you ask to see me, but... this time felt different" I finally managed to say, "I was... yes, surprised. As I have been every single Christmas, when I receive your present"
"Do you like it?" She said, finally lightning up, "see, I am working on the next one"
I nodded at the half-knitted jumper sitting in a basket next to her feet, "I haven't decided about Shay's one though. I don't know whether he prefers blue over yellow. Is... Is something the matter?" She asked then, noticing my troubled expression. She could still read me like an open book... Would I tell her? Could I open up and fill the void?
"Shay..."
"Say no more. I... I am sorry he passed" she said promptly, leaning forward and taking my hands in hers.
"How would you know?"
"I know you, Liam. Even after all this time, I can still tell when you are happy, or uncomfortable, or... Or sad. I know he was like a brother to you"
I looked away, embarrassed. "I know"
"I am sorry about it all, Liam. But I think we can start again. Together" she squeezed my hands harder now. Her strength sprung right from desperation.
I fixed my eyes in hers and my mind went back in time, when I was still a boy. I saw the younger version of the woman standing in front of me laying the table and welcoming Father after a long day's work. I saw her cleansing my face after I cried and hugging me when I couldn't sleep. Then, my father's voice arose from the darkness of my memory, speaking of the many deaths our family had suffered before and after my birth, about my tiny brothers and sisters, dead before even learning how to walk. He was so proud of me, he used to say. I was the strongest. I was the one who lived.
I remembered when I first met Shay and all that had happened back then. I pictured my father's execution, how he took the blame for what I had done... And then I came back to that dark and small room, to my mother almost kneeling to the ground, her hands still holding mine. Could I do this to her? My life was a dangerous one, perils and threatens paved my way. What if I died? Would she be able to go through that much suffering once more?
"It... I don't know"
"Mother. Call me mother, and.. tell me that we will try, Liam. Promise me"
"Mother..."
I gulped and my instinct brought to inspect the room to find an escape route. There was none. It was us and our responsibilities, now.
"We can start over. When you have the time... You can visit me"
"After all that's happened..."
"I don't blame you, Liam. This world we live in is unfair. You were only a boy"
"I have my faults. My life... It is full of them"
"Let's just try and leave that behind. You promise?"
"I promise" I lied, looking at her face one last time.
"I guess it has been useless to spend a whole hour in the bathtub if you're covered in sweat from head to foot again forty minutes later"
"But it is worth it, is it not?" I asked, pulling the blanket up my chest and stretching my arm forward to caress Dora's cheek.
"It has" she laughed, letting her fall on the bed again and nestling on my arm.
"So will you tell me what is wrong? You didn't say you were coming. Hell lot of luck my parents have gone to my sister's for the week or I couldn't have let you in"
"I thought you liked surprises"
"I do. But I don't like it when you are evasive. So... has your ship docked early?" she was now lying on her belly, her breast barely covered with the sheet. I had to make an effort to remember I hadn't been a hundred percent sincere to her about my work. Not yet.
"Yes. Part of the cargo had to be dumped in the ocean. A storm weighed us down and we had to do it. Less cargo, less stops"
"I like the sound of that. Well, answer my question"
I looked around the room, feeling uncomfortable. "I'd rather avoid the subject"
"Is it so bad?"
I have just lied to my mother. Of course it is bad.
"It is just... I have met someone I hadn't seen in years. And that was sad. And it bothered me" I said, sitting up and reaching for the drink I left on the side table. I gulped it all down, then felt brave enough to snuggle under the covers and start kissing my beloved again. In the end, it was she to delicately push my lips away before we pushed it too far... again.
"I wonder what my parents would say if they stepped in here and found me in their bed with a man whom I have been seeing for 'some time'. Quite a lot of time actually, but that, they don't know" she said with a flirtatious tone. However, I could sense there was something edgy in her voice.
"I wish... I wish you could say 'fiancé'" the word itself made me blush and get nervous. There was no doubt whatsoever I was in love with Dora, but I just felt strange to pronounce that word out aloud.
"We never spoke about marriage" Her eyes were fixed in mine now, careful and alert.
"We can... if you like"
The only problem in the way was that no one besides maybe Hope and Peter knew about our relationship. I had been introduced to her parents – two honest people running a tailor shop- but I had the feeling they weren't too happy about their daughter marry a sailor. An alleged one, at least.
"What about doing it now? We could... I don't know, get in the church nearby and do it. And then... then you'd be my husband. We wouldn't have to hide anymore"
For a long moment I considered it. I pictured Dora, her long raven hair loose on her back, standing in front of the priest while swearing to face with me whatever problems the future might present us...
"I gladly would, but duty calls me. I have to be off soon" I reluctantly said.
"No! Stay a little longer" she pledge, taking my hand and pressing it hard against her abdomen. I could sense fear in her words, as if she was certain that she'd never see me again if she let go. There was something in her touch, though...
"Are you with child?" my voice came out strange, as if didn't belong to me.
"No, I..." she moved away, uneasy "I am not. And I guess you saw to that all right"
"I did"
Silence fell in the room. Outside, the sun was slowly setting and it sent beautiful streaks of pink and yellow all around. Soon, the stars were going to perk down on us, shining in the firmament, holding the world still.
"Would you like to have a baby?" I asked as my eyes were still fixed outside the window.
"Well... you should have asked me a little while ago" she replied before leaning forward and kissing me again. Unfortunately, time was running out for me.
"I... I will think about it. About this whole ... marriage thing. If you want me to"
"Of course. And then you will let me know. And then you'll talk to my parents. And then..."
"And then we'll have a rather long talk, after which..." I immediately realised that this was not the right time for a confession, so I changed route, "after which we will discuss about where to live. I want a proper place for you to stay, my love. Maybe... maybe I know one. In the North. It's near Boston" I finished lacing up my boots and then I turned to her. "I hate to go"
"I love you" she said after a last kiss.
"I love you too. I will be back soon for you, my darling. Never forget it"
"Liaaaaaaam!" Peter screamed running down the Manor's stairs as soon as he caught sight of me. I couldn't help but laugh at his genuine outburst of happiness.
"How have you been doing, my little one?"
"I have had great fun. Achilles has trained me very very hard, and then we played cards. He taught me chess and he showed me how to draw and how to sign and seal parchments and then..." his enthusiastic words were like an uncontrollable river. There was much emotion in his voice as he told me about literally everything he had been doing. When he was in such a mood I would ignore him until he stopped or my head would start aching. Furthermore, I didn't want to spoil him.
"Welcome back, Liam" the Mentor welcomed me. Once more, he looked completely oblivious to Peter's presence, so I dismissed the boy.
"How have been things going?" I asked, looking distractedly around me. The kitchen of the Manor looked a complete mess with plates several days old piling up on the table and discarded cutlery scattered everywhere. I sighed. My teacher was a stubborn man and if he had decided no one was allowed to touch his things, no one would.
"As of late" he replied plainly. Instead of guiding me into the dining room as he always did – a privilege a few had- he gestured me to take a seat in his study.
"You are two days late"
I nodded, avoiding his eyes by pretending to be interested in the view outside the window.
"What happened?"
"Things at sea are never quite what we expect them to be"
"True. I guess that an unplanned stop slows thing down, too"
I didn't reply, but I did feel my cheeks burning furiously. "It would"
"Hope told me about it"
This time he had all my attention. "Hope?" right then, I wished the ground could open up and swallow me. What had she witnessed? The visit to my mother? To Dora? Both? The sole idea sent creeps all over my body.
"Yes. She's had her little revenge, I suppose" he commented, leaning back on his chair with a sinister expression.
"I... I really can't understand Hope. She is not a little girl anymore, and these games aren't fun. Not for me"
"Liam, seeing your mother or... visiting... a lady is not something to be ashamed of"
"She is not a lady"
"I know. I imagined as much"
I turned my head, barely believing what I was hearing. "But I failed my duty"
"You have never, not even once missed your responsibilities. How could I be mad at you?"
"God bless" I sighed, relieved, and this made him smile.
"It is Hope's turn to find a boy now, if she hasn't already"
"Well, she's kept it hidden rather well if she has"
"I know her well. She's fierce and she would never admit it. She'd be capable of locking the poor fellow up and never show him the sunlight again to hide him from us"
"She sure receives the pleads of a great deal of young businessmen..." I could barely believe my ears as I spoke. What on Earth was I just doing? Well, for once I was indeed enjoying myself and relaxing a little after the anxiety and grief of the last weeks.
"I imagine she'd be the leader anyway. If she ever decides to settle down with a man, the poor boy will have to accept her as leader... in all fields".
I laughed heartily. "Oh, God. Who would even have guess that a conversation like this could take place... here, even? I can't believe you are gossiping!" I exclaimed, "Not too long before we start calling you 'Old Man'!"
I knew I had pushed too far and that I was being too confidential... however, the thing didn't seem to bother my Mentor at all.
"You are right. I am getting old... only, not as fast as I wish I were"
There was silence a little bit as the air grew gloomy and sad in the room. The place was very silent; recruits and tired Assassin had found another area where to play dice and experiment silly games at the end of the day.
"If you ever do get married, Liam, don't let your children live in a chaotic and troublesome city. Bring them here"
"I would like nothing better"
We didn't speak about Kasegowase that evening. We didn't speak about his dead body lying in the sacred ground, finally joining his ancestors' in his warrior sleep. We needed to focus of what was in front of us, or the past threatened to overwhelm us with ghastly memories and regrets.
So... this time there is a little pause in narration and we get to explore a little of Liam's background and personal life. I was impressed to read his story in the Animus database and I think that it deserved a little more attention.
If you enjoyed, please leave a comment! I really appreciate that!