Author's Note: First, thank you for still reading! Second, I think that in some situations it is easier to keep it together until you are forced to come to terms with something, which I find can happen in the most unexpected ways. For me, it can be the littlest things that cause me to not be able to hide from something anymore. This is my interpretation of that for Harry

And Umbitch is back at Hogwarts; I am currently taking requests for how she gets hers in the end.

Posted 8/8/15

Standard disclaimer about not owning anything; I am so thankful for JKR and all that she did for us. She gave us one of the greatest gifts, and so many people have taken to this site and played brilliantly with her creation. We should have a JKR day and it should be a global holiday!

The three of them approached the Great Hall at a slow pace, none of them really looking forward to being surrounded by students who would no doubt have a morbid curiosity of their first-hand account of what had happened over the summer. Hermione was concerned that the reaction would be too much for Harry, and while the students may have been unaware of his relationship with the older Hufflepuff, she was sure that the fact that it had taken place at the Burrow would cause them – along with Fred and George and Ginny – to stand out. And it didn't help that it had occurred on Harry's birthday, which despite not being a public holiday was still well known by a majority of the population.

Hermione would not get to find out about their reaction to Harry, however, because he stopped as soon as they rounded the corner and were greeted with the roaring din of chatter coming from the Great Hall.

They were barely outside of the entrance and Harry hadn't even set one foot inside of the doorway, but he couldn't and wouldn't enter the Great Hall because right in front of him was the Hufflepuff table.

Ron and Hermione, who were on either side of him, stopped when he did, looking to their friend to see what had caused him to stop so abruptly.

Both had felt Harry's body tense beside them, and when they turned to face him they saw the haunted expression reflected in his eyes.

Harry tilted his head down slightly, his shoulders started to sag while his right hand rose to clench the fabric over his heart. They saw his face descend into utter sadness.

"Cedric…" he painfully said, marking the first time that Harry had mentioned his name since the kiss.

He looked to his friends, not knowing what to do in that moment as those memories and feelings that had been buried in the corner of his mind were suddenly unable to be kept hidden any longer. Hermione wisely and swiftly guided Harry away from anyone who may have been glancing in their direction and into a small alcove where Ron provided additional privacy, standing guard as some of the very late stragglers made their way into the feast.

Harry's breathing was picking up, and Hermione had her hands on his cheek and was standing right in front of him.

"Harry, what. What is it about Cedric?" Her eyes were searching his, pleading for him to open up to her, anyone, finally.

Tears began to spill over Harry's cheeks as he finally came to realize that Cedric wasn't in the Great Hall where he was supposed to be. Even though he knew that something had happened, he had become so used to not seeing him in the beginning of the summer that it was easier for his mind to ignore the truth of what had happened thinking that everything would be all right somehow when he returned to Hogwarts. Cedric could simply have gone on holiday somewhere and was unable to write to him; his mind could have made any excuse to stave off what it didn't want to think.

But everything was not all right, and Harry couldn't deny Cedric's encounter with the Dementor any longer.

"Cedric's not there," Harry choked out, finding it difficult to breathe and not quite being able to meet Hermione's brown eyes.

An understanding passed over Hermione's face, and even Ron suspected that Harry had finally come face to face with what he had been running from because of the simple fact that Cedric was no longer at the Hufflepuff table. Both Hermione and Ron could have kicked themselves; they should have anticipated this. Heck, they all should have anticipated this!

The emotions inside of Harry were so overwhelming and he was starting to feel the effect of keeping them locked away for so long. He had no desire to go anywhere, but knew that he couldn't remain where he was. But then, he started to feel uncomfortable in the presence of his friends, and he had no choice but to go somewhere where he could be alone and no one would be able to reach him.

"I can't…" he started to say as he broke contact with Hermione and passed by Ron, quickly making his way in the opposite direction of the Great Hall.

"Harry!" Hermione tried to keep her voice down as she followed him, Ron keeping up with the pace, and looking over his shoulder to make sure they weren't causing a scene or being followed.

They stopped when Harry did and he turned to look at them, a crestfallen expression apparent over every inch of him.

"Please, I need to be alone." He stated in a hollow tone, his eyes pleading with Hermione to give him this.

"But," she started to protest when Ron's arm wrapped around her, effectively silencing her.

"Sure, mate," the obviously older and more mature-sounding Weasley acquiesced.

Harry gave a shaky nod before turning and rounding a corner to find a place that only he could get to.

Hermione and Ron stood there for a few moments, feeling powerless to help their friend.

"I don't think we should have let him run off," Hermione stated numbly.

Ron kept his arm firmly around her shoulder and used his other arm to turn her body so that she faced him.

"I don't think we had much of a choice, Hermione. I know he is hurting, but maybe we should let him. It may not have been the most ideal time for him to come to terms with what happened – but, shouldn't we be glad that it is finally happening?"

Ron wiped away the tear stain that had just fallen past Hermione's cheek.

"We will be there for him, and we can even go looking for him after the feast if you want to. But right now, just let him go – the best thing we can do right now is cover for him and give him space. There are worst places for him to be alone than Hogwarts."

She nodded shakily, at a loss for words, but thankful that Ron had apparently grown up and was able to be there for her and Harry now when they really needed him to be.

He led her back down the hall, and they entered the feast just as Albus started to silence the crowd to welcome them back for another year and to briefly discuss the events of the summer. He then moved onto introduce his newest hires, one who had until recently been a wanted man and the other resembling a large toad.

Harry wasn't consciously thinking as he ran away from the feast, flashes of banished memories were returning to him faster than he could even discern individual scenes and instances among them. It was chaos inside his mind, a dizzying frenzy of emotions that he knew he would have to deal with now.

He didn't even question why he was outside Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, or why he had opened the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets; the rational part of his mind that was left to him had seemingly taken over his body, directing him to the one place in the castle that no one else could get to.

He unknowingly sealed the entrance behind him and illuminated the journey ahead of him with his wand. His feet managed to find their footing and he jumped over a large section of shed snakeskin. The weird thing was that he was beginning to find solace, even as he made his way to the snake seal, before at last reaching the large chamber where the dead Basilisk lied.

It took Harry by surprise at first because it was perfectly preserved. The carcass looked just it just been killed yesterday when in fact more than two years had passed since he had had his second encounter with Voldemort, who at the time had been only a year older than he himself was now.

He walked slowly towards the snake, his crisis with Cedric momentarily forgotten as he reached out to touch the thick hide of the creature that had almost killed him had it not been for the healing property in Fawke's tears.

Satisfied that it was indeed dead, he felt the rush of everything returning to him and he dropped to his knees in a similar position to when he had a Basilisk's fang lodged in his arm. Only this time, the pain wasn't a poison that was slowly killing him; it was much worse. His heart ached for Cedric, for what he had thought he had found and been able to have for such a short time.

A guttural cry escaped his throat as he began sobbing for yet something else that had been taken violently away from him: his parents, his childhood, and now Cedric. He couldn't take the pain or loss anymore and mourned his agony in the only way that he could at the moment. It was different than he had ever handled anything before; though, as time went on he could feel bits of himself become numb, as if different parts were becoming closed off – unable to open themselves up again to experience more pain.

It was some time before the intensity of the sobs lessened and he began to wipe away the snot and tears that now covered his shirt. It was late and the feast had ended hours ago, but he didn't feel like leaving just yet. He didn't know how to return to the world that kept challenging him far beyond what he thought he was capable of or willing to face. He had only just accepted that Cedric was no longer there, but he hadn't even begun to come to terms with it or begin moving on. He just didn't know how and he didn't think that anyone could help him.

But he was too exhausted to think anymore. Even with the vast emptiness he now found in the center of his chest, he leaned against the slain Basilisk and pulled his robes tightly around him as sleep and some small measure of peace overtook him.

Hermione and Ron were worried. Harry hadn't come back to Gryffindor that night and with their newfound responsibilities as Prefects, they couldn't begin their search for him until later that evening.

At least they had managed to prevent Sirius from worrying over Harry's absence with some quick thinking about him eating food that Kreacher had packed him on the train and just wanting to go to sleep. Sirius had tried to tell himself that that was the reason, but deep down, he knew that something was wrong.

It was fortunate that they now had permission to be out wandering the halls after curfew, which Hermione was extremely thankful for. But it wouldn't have stopped her: she would have broken all of the rules to make sure her friend was safe.

It was also lucky that they had arrived to Hogwarts on a Friday because they returned empty-handed in the early hours of the morning, but even with the opportunity to have a bit of a lie-in they were still too on edge about Harry. Hermione was beginning to doubt that Harry was even in the castle, and her worry was that he had run off outside and gotten himself into something.

Ron was the voice of reason, again, easing Hermione's fears.

"He has his cloak and map and I don't think it would be all that difficult for him to hide from us. For all we know, he is holed up in The Chamber of Secrets – and then there really is nothing we can do about that."

"Do you really think Harry would go into the chamber?" Her eyes were wide with fear.

Ron just shrugged.

"I'm just saying there are places he can get to that we can't that are still inside the castle. If he doesn't turn up today, then we can go to Dumbledore."

"I suppose," Hermione conceded.

They parted in the common room, each going up their separate staircases that led to their respective dormitories.

Ron entered his room and found Neville, Seamus, and Dean sleeping peacefully. It was then that Ron had realized how much he had really grown over the past years. He was jealous of how peaceful they looked, at how little they had been through compared to him. Even with Neville growing up with his grandmother was somewhat preferable to always finding himself in mortal danger. He understood now just how bad that Harry had it and just how silly he had been for coveting any of the fame that had come with being Harry Potter. He just wanted him and his friends to be happy and content like his roommates, who looked like they didn't have a care in the world and would wake up without the worry that Ron would have.

He stared at Harry's empty bed for minute before falling onto his bed, not even having the energy to change out of his robes. He fell asleep instantly, his face still showing all of the troubles and fears that he was carrying.

Harry wasn't at breakfast, though it wasn't surprising seeing as how people ate at markedly different times on the weekend. Some were early risers while others preferred to sleep in a little more. However, he did show up at lunch with red eyes that had noticeable swelling.

His presence went more or less unnoticed, though not everyone from the school was present. On weekends, both breakfast and lunchtime overlapped so there were always some people present but never the whole school at one time. Dinner was the only time with a set schedule in which the entire school had to be there.

Luckily, Hermione and Ron were there, both having slept past the breakfast hour.

Ron was the first to see Harry approach, and he quietly kicked Hermione's foot and then directed her eyes over to where Harry was when they looked up to him.

She quickly made room as he sat down next to her. He started pilling some food on his plate and took several gulps of pumpkin juice, as he was borderline dehydrated from all of his spent tears.

Hermione and Ron were nervous as to how this would play out, both knew that Harry could have a bit of a temper but so far he seemed sedated. They wanted to ask him how he was doing but would wait for him to bring up anything. Deep down, they were just relieved that he seemed physically all right. Inside, however, Harry was not able to feel any particular emotion at the moment besides the marked depression that had set in.

Since he had woken up in the chamber, he had felt dull and weighed down with no possible idea of how he could ever feel whole again. The thought of laughter or joy was so far removed from him that he thought he couldn't possibly feel that way ever again. He had spent a good portion of the morning just staring at the ring that Cedric had given him, which brought about a few more rounds of tears.

Harry felt the weight of their stares from his friends as he put some much-needed sustenance in his belly, and the only reason he spoke at all was because of their history together. But even then, he didn't tell say much; it was just something to break the ice.

"Hi," he said, as if that would convey everything.

Ron and Hermione didn't know how to reply to that, and just went with the obvious.

"Hi," each of them said in turn.

Harry continued taking small bites of his food while they all sat in an uncomfortable silence, no one wanting to be the one to state the obvious.

Fortunately, or unfortunately rather, they were interrupted by Severus Snape.

"Mr. Potter," he began, emphasizing each syllable in his own unique way of contempt.

"How kind of you to finally grace us with your presence."

Harry kept staring silently at his half-eaten plate of food; he wasn't in the mood for this and didn't know what would happen if he had to look at that man's face right now.

"The Headmaster would like to see you after lunch in his office. He wants you to know that he is overly found of Lemon Drops." Snape raised his eyebrow at Harry's lack of response.

"Yes, sir," he managed, the hoarseness of his voice from his raw throat becoming more apparent.

Snape stared at the back of Harry's head for a moment longer, trying to figure out what the boy was up to with his lack of cheek, before he continued on his way out of the Great Hall, his robes billowing dramatically behind him.

"What a wanker," Ron huffed out.

"Ronald!" Hermione reprimanded, but clearly lacking her usual bite. She agreed with Ron, just not with the word that he had used.

"I can only guess as to what he wants to see me for." Harry sighed as he put his fork down and rested his head upon his arms on the table.

Hermione and Ron shared a look; at least Harry was volunteering information to them this time. So they went with it.

"Harry?" Hermione said gently, her hand resting lightly on his arm.

He turned his head so that his right side rested on his right forearm and he looked at her.

"Is there anything that we can do?"

Harry was at a loss for words. What could anyone do to help someone, especially him in this situation? He still felt lethargic and imagined that he would feel depressed for a while. He didn't see himself getting over this any time soon and he didn't even know the direction to take that would get him there. Harry just didn't know where 'there' was.

He answered her honestly.

"No, I don't think anyone can help me with this. I don't even know if time will be enough," he said a bit dramatically, unable to see past the loss that was before him.

He sat upright, took a final strained look at his friends. He knew they meant well, but he just couldn't open up to them. He had never been one that could describe his feelings to others because he had been so used to keeping them in and barely admitting them to himself.

He nodded at them before getting up, mentioning that he was off for his appointment with Dumbledore, and leaving his two friends alone.

"He'll get there, Hermione."

"I hope your right," she replied not at all hopeful about the next few months. She didn't see this getting resolved any time soon, not that she expected something of this magnitude to be over with quickly.

Sirius had been frantic; he had hardly slept last night knowing that Harry hadn't been at dinner. He had quickly started to lose it when he didn't show for breakfast either, but then, neither had Ron or Hermione. He was at wits end by the time Harry made his first appearance at lunch, and it took the restraining hand of Dumbledore to prevent him from going to him at the Gryffindor table. Harry looked like he had been crying, which made him want to run to him and give him comfort, but at the same time, he thought it was the first time that Harry had had a significant emotional outburst. So, he was concerned, but relieved; he just wish Harry had better timing. Why couldn't this have happened at Grimmauld Place?

Dumbledore had then instructed Severus to pass along a message to Harry while Sirius and him excited the Great Hall from the teacher's entrance and headed to his office to await Harry.

He kept pacing around the Headmaster's office, his nerves were shot and he wouldn't have been able to sit still.

How different his emotions were this time compared to when Harry had just finished competing in the tournament and he had been in Albus' office waiting to surprise him.

A soft knock came at the door, and it slowly opened to reveal Harry, his eyes still red and slightly puffy.

Harry wasn't surprised at all to see Sirius there, and quickly went to his side.

"Harry? Are you okay?"

Eyes far older than they should have been on someone so young returned his question; he didn't even need to open his mouth or speak, but he did so anyway.

"Cedric's not here; he's, he's gone." As if that explained everything.

And in Sirius' case, it did.

He didn't know if Harry wanted to or needed to be hugged at this moment but he did so anyway, maybe he was the one that needed to know they would both get through this.

Sirius slowly closed the distance between them and initiated the hug, only to find that Harry accepted the hug but didn't return it. His arms made the motion of hugging Sirius back but there was no emotion behind it.

"It'll get better pup. It will." He still hugged Harry tightly.

Harry didn't know that it could better; he just knew that it couldn't get much worse.

"I guess," he said unconvincingly.

"Do you need anything?"

"Just time to myself." Sirius ended the hug, not wanting to suffocate Harry who was at least starting to opening up, even if the scars that he was showing appeared very deep.

Sirius stepped back and looked Harry up and down. "You'll come to me if you need anything?"

Harry shook his head in agreement, but not really meaning it. He knew Sirius was doing everything he could for him, but he supposed it didn't feel right getting so close to someone after seeing how quickly they could be taken away.

Harry looked to Dumbledore, who knew something about what Harry was going through.

"That will be all, Harry." He stated, his blue eyes looking at him, but not meeting his eyes. He didn't want to be tempted to force entry in his state.

Harry nodded and took a last look at Sirius, who had so many emotions on his face. Harry wanted to feel bad, he knew that he should, but he didn't. Harry really didn't feel anything.

Sirius and Dumbledore watched the door close behind him and Sirius sunk in one of the plush chairs.

"He'll come out of this Sirius, the boy just needs time."

Sirius looked up to Albus then, something about the word 'boy' had resonated with him.

"I don't think he was ever a boy, Albus. At least, I don't think he was ever allowed to be."

I'm trying to make Harry detached, but still hurting. Basically, I kind of want him to feel a range of things, or, at least, react to this differently over time. Not quite the twelve stages, but something that feels reasonable. Anyways, let me know your thoughts on that. Thanks for reading.