A/N: PROCRASTINATION! (Or, me doing other stuff to not do more important things)
This oneshot is a combo of two of the ideas I mentioned in the last oneshot. It should be decently long? Cana giving Wendy a drunk talk will happen next? Maybe? Idk. I'll also do one about the men discussing about the girls eventually.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.
Speculation Part III
It came as a bit of a shock to everyone that Erza was having her bachelorette party so quickly, considering the late start she got on her relationship and the fact that she'd jumped the gun on Jellal's proposal – he hadn't intended to do so for another few months. The planning for the couple's parties and their wedding took a week after the "proposal." The wedding was set to happen in the guild two days after the men and women of Fairy Tail celebrated separately.
While the men were stuck drinking in the guild with a very uncomfortable Jellal, the women had booked a night at a very fancy resort just outside of Magnolia. Unfortunately, Carla refused to let Wendy come along at her young age, so the two of them stayed back at Fairy Hills to babysit Asuka. That left Erza, Mira, Juvia, Lucy, Levy, Cana, Meredy, Evergreen, Bisca, Lisanna, and Mavis sitting in a massive lounge.
After a glamorous day at the spa, complementary shopping, one gourmet dinner, and a night at the theatre, the women lounged in their nicest new pajamas drinking. Cana was drinking her usual barrels of beer, but the other women were drinking the complementary bottomless champagne and wine the resort provided them upon hearing that the guests were heroes of the war with the Alvarez Empire. In fact, that was why the resort was giving them all those perks, not that the women were complaining.
"Today's been so nice," Lucy commented. "I wonder if we'll always be this pampered."
"Probably not," Levy sighed. "Once the guild starts destroying things again I doubt we'll be so welcomed."
"So no more celebrations like this," Lucy lamented.
"Maybe once Levy finally decides to get married to Gajeel," Lisanna reminded Lucy. "Right, Levy?"
The blue-haired girl blushed.
"You two have been dating longer than anyone but Evergreen and Elfman," Juvia pointed out.
"Alzack and I dated about as long as you two before we were married," Bisca added.
"He's just too scared to propose," Erza postulated.
"Or maybe he's one of those guys who thinks sex gets worse after marriage," Bisca said.
"Well, it's certainly possible," Mira said.
"Yeah, it's not like any of the male dragon slayers are that smart," Cana chimed in.
When sober Levy and Lucy would defend Gajeel and Natsu, but the alcohol was beginning to take effect on them, as it was on everyone else.
"But it doesn't really matter," Bisca replied. "It depends on what it's like now, and how well you can maintain your relationship."
"Says the married woman. What is it like now?" Cana replied in a voice that could only mean trouble. "Natsu can't be that good. He's too naïve."
Lisanna and Lucy blushed at the sentiment.
"Actually, I'd bet he knows quite a bit," Lisanna suggested.
"You know Lisanna?" Mira asked, curious about her younger sister's relationship with the dragon-slayer.
"Well, he has pretty good hearing, and there were certainly adult talks when we were little at the guild hall," the younger Strauss explained.
"But was he able to process that information?" Erza leaned in, not convinced the pink-haired dragon slayer had the attention span or interest to learn any of the information that came to his ear. That is, if he even realized its significance enough to store the information.
"I don't know," Lisanna replied.
"Ask Lucy," Mira said slyly.
"He- Natsu does know the basics, and some other stuff," Lucy said meekly.
"What other stuff?" Erza asked, curious as ever about perverted matters between the fellow couples of the guild.
"I- I don't know much," Lucy said.
"But you are sleeping with him, right? You have to know!"
"We aren't sleeping together," Lucy replied, blushing. "He's just explained some things to me."
"Really?" Erza exclaimed. "But you always share a tent if we're camping these days and he seems to like sleeping in your bed."
"Everyone likes to sleep in my bed," Lucy moaned.
"You're warm," Erza replied, as if it explained anything.
"How about you, Erza? You're the one getting married." Lucy attempted to shift the focus off of herself.
"Jellal's very good in bed," she said with confidence.
"No he isn't," Cana told her. "You're both way too boring in bed."
"No we aren't, we," Erza paused, suddenly blushing too much at the thought of Jellal to speak.
"Levy?" Cana asked, changing her target.
"N- no! You already asked me months ago," the blue haired mage exclaimed, but Cana was already grabbing onto her, encouraging Levy to talk.
"Juvia thinks Gray-sama is great in bed," Juvia said, saving Levy from further embarrassment.
"Yeah, I already know that," Cana said. Everyone stared at her in surprise – they knew Cana had slept with a good number of mages, but they didn't know she'd slept with any of the guys from Fairy Tail.
"Y-you- have slept with Gray-sama?" Juvia accused her.
"No way, but you talk about sleeping with him enough that I've felt like I've done him."
"Meredy-chan! Have you done anything noteworthy?" Juvia pleaded with the girl to distract Cana.
"No. Even when he's with Erza I swear Jellal's watching. He doesn't let me get close enough to any boys outside of Crime Sorciere," she complained.
"Really?" Erza asked, knowing Meredy's past problems with Crime Sorciere's guild master being overprotective of the girl.
"Yeah! He's acting like such a Dad, even more now that you're dating. Lyon from Lamia Scale has a crush on me, and he's pretty hot, so I was going to see if he wanted to go on a few dates, but at this rate it might just be best to sleep with him," Meredy pouted. "Or else I'll never get laid."
"That's too bad. Maybe you'll have time to meet someone while Erza's distracting him for their honeymoon? How about you, Evergreen? How's Elfman?" Mira asked, almost not wanting to know about her younger brother, but knowing her penchant for gossip was stronger.
"Elfman's getting better," Evergreen sighed. "Still a bit too vocal for my tastes, but someone managed to convince him that spending extra time on his woman was manly, so that's good." Mira smirked, and Evergreen wondered if the demon had really gotten involved in her younger brother's sex life enough to council him. It was creepy enough to Evergreen that her boyfriend's sister asked about such things.
Lisanna certainly didn't take after her older sister, apparently attempting to ignore the line of thought.
"How about Laxus?" Evergreen returned Mira's question.
"Well, he's certainly attractive," Mira commented. "Not the best I've had."
"Really?" Evergreen asked, almost offended.
"He focuses on himself rather than me," she sighed. "But that's okay – I'm working on training him to suit my needs." The demon emerged, and some of the girls were scared for Laxus's sake. Mavis, having not been told about Mira's more demonic sexual tendencies, was left blissfully oblivious. Despite the Fairy Tail founder being a full century older than any of them, no one was about to tell the founder what was going on.
"You guys are so boring," Cana said. "All of you."
"Then what do you do?" Someone asked Cana.
"Why don't we play a game to find out?" Erza suggested. Lucy, Levy, and Juvia all shuddered, remembering what that same suggestion had brought about the last time when alcohol was involved.
"No!" Lucy yelled, hoping it would detract Erza.
"It's my party, we're playing," Erza said, leaving no room for contesting her suggestion.
Gulping, Lucy asked the important question. "How's this going to work?"
Erza gathered all of the full bottles of alcohol and placed them on the table in the center of the room. "Basically, everyone has to say something they haven't done sexually and everybody who has must take a big sip of their wine."
"Sounds fun," Cana told Erza. No one else seemed nearly as encouraged. "Who's going to start?"
"Mavis," Erza said bluntly. The founder's face turned cold, as it so often did when she faced a challenge. It was obvious that she had a good strategy in mind.
The guild's founder began to open her mouth, but paused, making sure everyone was ready. "I've never… had sex," Mavis said, taking the easy way out. Everyone but Meredy, Lucy, and Lisanna drank.
"Really? But surely you've been alive long enough," Lucy asked Mavis.
"No one really wants to sleep with someone that looks twelve, no matter how old you really are," Mavis pouted. "My body was also encased in crystal for the majority of that time."
"Though you have kissed Zeref," Cana said. "I'd say that none of us will ever match that."
Mavis blushed, not wanting to know how Cana knew that bit of information. "Who's next? Lisanna?"
Lisanna quietly adjusted herself in her seat. No one was prepared for what she would say. "Never have I ever tied up and spanked my best friend." Erza and Mira enthusiastically drank down their entire glasses of wine and reached for more.
The girls who had not witnessed the punishment game – Mavis and Meredy in particular – sat with wide eyes as the two girls looked ready to do it again.
Meredy began to laugh after a minute of shock. "Oh my gosh, where'd that happen?"
"Well, it began with Mira tying Erza up in the road in front of the guild. Juvia thinks Erza was wearing a maid outfit," Juvia explained.
"Why didn't you tell me? I would've brought Jellal to watch," Meredy laughed. The other girls (with the exception of a red-faced Erza), joined in. Once the laughter died down, the girls looked to the next speaker: Meredy.
"I haven't had sex away from a bed," Meredy said proudly. Mavis had stolen her original statement, meant to catch as many of the girls as possible. This was the next best.
For the third time, Erza and Mira drank. Along with her were Cana, Juvia, Evergreen, and Bisca.
"Details?" Cana asked.
It didn't take much for an intoxicated and competitive Mira to spill. "That I can remember," she almost purred out in one of her more demonic voices, "In the lounge of Blue Pegasus, in a garden, the kitchen, the headquarters of the Weekly Sorcerer, the beach, in the guild hall after hours, and," the girls waited with baited breath as they wondered what more Mira could be holding back, "On the guildmaster's desk."
"What?" Erza asked, slightly offended, but curious.
"It was Laxus's idea," Mira explained. "I humored him."
"Don't think I can beat that," Cana admitted. "I've had sex in plenty of bars, alleys, random rooms, and such, but that's impressive."
"I've only done it in a bed, the wilderness, and on a beach, so I can't beat that either," Erza said sadly, but with a twinkle in her eye indicating she was up to the challenge of trying to beat that.
"Neither can I," Levy sighed. "Gajeel still refuses to do anything outside of a bed. If he didn't, I would have a good story."
"Really?" Erza probed.
"We got pretty hot and heavy on a desk at ERA," Levy explained.
"His desk or someone else's?"
"I don't know," Levy said. "I just rashly pulled him into an office, though I think it was one of the council member's office."
"That would have been impressive," Erza agreed. "Maybe I'll get Jellal to sneak into his old office there."
"Evergreen?" Cana asked, moving on.
"Only various places in the forest," she informed the crowd. "We're both into it, so it happens a lot."
"The same," Bisca agreed. "Though I've also done it on a train." She didn't mention having sex on the pool table that introduced her to Erza. That was a story for another time.
"How was that?" Mira asked with a smile. "I'm sure Erza wants to try it for her honeymoon."
"It was fun, but the bumpiness and jerking of the train made everything a bit difficult, not to mention occasionally painful if the angle was wrong," Bisca informed them.
"Juvia? Underwater, I assume?" Cana asked.
"Of course! A spring, the ocean, the bath," Juvia explained. "Sometimes Juvia will even turn herself into water to stimulate him better in those environments. He likes it quite a bit. One time he was so turned on he accidentally turned Juvia into ice for a few minutes."
No one quite knew quite how to respond to that, even Cana. They moved on instead. Unfortunately, Juvia was the next in line to prompt discussion.
"Never has Juvia ever so much as kissed anyone drunk," Juvia said. Everyone but Mavis drank to that.
"Wait, I thought you said Jellal never gave you enough leeway, Meredy," Lisanna questioned.
"One time we were monitoring a party that had representatives from many guilds in attendance. It just so happened that Erza was there, so she managed to distract Jellal long enough for me to sneak off with Lyon, though I was too scared to get far away enough to do more," the pink-haired mage told them.
"He's such a cockblock," Cana sighed. "You should do a better job at distracting him for her sake, Erza! And Lucy! I'm surprised you drank."
"Well, you know how I get flirty when drunk," Lucy replied shyly. "One time I managed to corner Natsu and make out with him, but he refused to do anything more since I was drunk and his friend."
"Someday," Cana told her, "Someday you'll get some."
Lucy whined, scared for Cana to find out when that day came.
"I'll go then," Bisca said. "Alzack and I have never had a threesome."
Erza, for once, didn't take a sip. The only one to do so was Mira.
"Not Cana?" Levy asked.
"What are you trying to say about me?" Cana said.
"You have to have at least considered it," Mira accused her.
"Well, yeah, I have," she admitted, "But I've never actually done it. Should I?"
Mira nodded. "It was rather enjoyable," she replied. The alcohol getting to her, she went a little further. "I wish I could get Laxus to try it. It would be fun to include Erza and Jellal!"
Erza blushed and started to mumble incoherently.
"If only I could get in on that," Cana joked.
"I'd prefer not to see that," Mavis said.
"And why would you?" Cana asked.
"If it involved so many Fairy Tail members, I would assume it would take place at the guild hall," Mavis told her.
"Well, you're not wrong to think that."
"Who's next?" Erza asked, urging the game on.
"I am!" Lucy said. "Never have I ever dated someone who was not a member of Fairy Tail."
"Maybe you should just admit you haven't dated anyone," Levy mumbled.
"That wasn't risqué enough!" Erza said, refusing to raise her glass to her lips until Mira took a sip herself. "And why isn't Cana drinking to that?"
"She said dating. I've never dated anyone outside Fairy Tail, just hooked up," Cana calmly stated.
"Then who's Bacchus?"
"A friend with benefits."
"I'll go now," Evergreen interrupted. "I've never taken inspiration for my sex life from any books." Lucy and Levy drank, but they were surprised to not see Erza pick up her glass.
"You haven't, Erza?" Levy asked.
"Why would I need to? I act things out based on the costumes I have," Erza retorted. "Shouldn't you be asking why Lucy has if she says she's still a virgin?"
"I may be a virgin, but that doesn't mean books haven't influenced what I want in the future," Lucy tried to explain.
"Like what?" Erza probed.
"You know she won't tell you," Levy said. "Unless we can get more information out another way."
"It's your turn," Erza pointed out. "You do it."
Levy grumbled, trying to think of something that would please Erza. "Never have I ever fantasized about sneaking out of a party to have sex in the palace." That got Lucy alone to drink.
"To be fair, even if she hasn't fantasized about it, I'm sure Erza and Jellal's Edolas counterparts have done just that," Lucy joked, but Erza didn't dispute her suspicions.
Mira, knowing it was her turn, smiled innocently. "I've never had sex because I got stuck in custom Heart Kruez armor." Only Erza drank, making a few of the girls want to ask. The scary expression on the mage's face quashed any wishes of an explanation being given.
"Well, I've never had a partner so bad I've used my magic to chase them out of the room," Erza challenged Mira back. She hadn't intended it to get anyone else, but both Evergreen and Cana drank as well. Slowly, reluctantly, Levy took a sip of her wine.
"No way! I thought you'd only slept with Gajeel, though, Levy," Lucy said.
"Well, one time it was my time of the month and he really wanted it, so I used solid script to lock him out of the room," she meekly explained. The other girls began to laugh.
"You didn't need to drink, then," Erza replied. "We've all done that, and not because they're bad in bed."
"Well, except for Lucy, Meredy, and Mavis," Cana laughed.
"And Lisanna," Mira corrected. "Well, shall we wrap this up? Cana?" She watched the woman think about something she hadn't done that wasn't already covered.
"Never have I ever been part of sex involving someone that a Fairy Tail member defeated in a non-friendly battle," Cana said smugly. Erza, Mira, and Levy drank. "That means you too, Juvia and Evergreen. I'm pretty sure you were both defeated by Fairy Tail members and have had sex." Juvia took a drink quietly. Evergreen saw it necessary to shoot Cana a dirty look before doing so.
"I guess that's the end then?" Evergreen asked, seeming eager to have this end.
Levy giggled, showing the alcohol's effect on her.
"Unless anyone wants to do another round," Erza said, her aggressive drunk personality beginning to show.
"I'm in," Cana declared, and the girls gulped, not quite ready for what would happen next.
After most of the women had gone to bed, only Cana and Meredy were left in the lounge.
"What I'd give to listen to some of Mira and Erza's conversations," Cana sighed.
"Imagine what dirt I'd get on Jellal," Meredy said. "Based on what they knew each other did tonight, I'm sure they tell each other a lot more."
"I wish I knew," Cana told Meredy. "But despite their rivalry they're far too close to tell anyone else their dirty stories."
"You do know something," Meredy suggested.
"That they're boring?" Cana asked for clarification.
"How do you know that anyways?" Meredy asked in return.
"Well, this one time, us girls were having a conversation at Fairy Hills," Cana said, beginning her tale of their adventure in Erza's closet.
A/N: That brings it somewhat full circle, but I don't think this will be the last oneshot by any means.