It was bright out in this memory and teetering on borderline hot as the sun overhead shown down on... Ren took a moment to gaze at his surroundings, the helmet on his head swiveling as he surveyed the thick foliage surrounding the area, the enormous trees towering towards the sky.
He dug around the far recesses of his memory and could only reason that this planet was Endor.
The tinkling sounds of childish laughter filled the air and he turned around, only to find that a wide stream stretched across the forest floor before him. A number of what appeared to be Jedi initiates inhabited the the calm water.
There were eight of them, all ranging in age from six to eight years old, seemingly having the time of their life as they evidently had a break from their studies to be allowed this small freedom.
And suddenly there was a shout and then crying filled the quiet forest air, making everyone else grow silent.
There was a huff off to his right and he watched as Sage rose from her place on the smooth stones along the bank where she had been seated beside his old self, both of them supposedly supervising the children. Both of them had had their feet in the water with their pants rolled up to their knees, the heavy layers of their overshirts discarded back up on the higher bank with their boots and belts, leaving them in only their under tunics and trousers.
She had her hair simply yanked up into a high, floppy bun on the crown of her head. If the scowl on her face was anything to go by, she was definitely displeased with the situation.
"This is the third time, Tono." The blonde said as she waded out into the shallow water to pick up a little silver haired girl who had been pushed down by the aforementioned boy. "If you push Sita down one more time, you're going to have to get out of the water and watch everyone else have a good time while you sit alone." The little brunet boy glowered up at her. "Do you want that?"
"No."
"Then play nicely." Sage gave him a stern look as he slunk away back to his friends and then the older Padawan turned to face the little girl who was now thoroughly soaked, her silvery hair stringy with moisture. "Are you okay?"
She sniffled, her violet eyes still glistening with tears, "I fink so."
"You sure are a tough little one." The older girl reached up and brushed a few stray droplets of water from her pale cheeks with her thumbs. She nodded her head in agreement. "That's good that you know that. Don't ever let anyone ever push you around, Sita."
"Okay." She looked up at her through her lashes.
"Now, go on back to playing. Master Luke doesn't let us do this often, you know?" Realizing that her words were true, the girl's mood immediately shifted and she perked up before darting away, splashing up water in all directions as she went back to join the rest of the group. Some of the water splashed up onto Sage but she made little fuss about it, her lips twitching upwards in a smile as she wiped her face clean before she was standing from her squatted position. She made her way back over to the bank where she stepped up onto the warm stones, faintly aware of the brown eyes that followed her the entire way.
He said nothing but she could feel his amusement prickle through their connection and in return she slapped back at the emotion - shut up, Solo - but nonetheless allowed her own mirth hang in the space between them.
It was quiet then, the once stark emotions fading between them into a calm serenity that seemed to be echoed in the vast forest around them.
"Have you ever thought about having children?"
Sage started and allowed her eyes to open after they'd fallen shut as she drank in the sun's warm rays and immersed herself within the Force. She looked over at him as if she hadn't heard him right, "What?"
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to settle down one day and have children?" He repeated his question, his voice soft as he continued to watch the young initiates at play.
Yes, she'd heard him correctly the first time but it didn't make the question any less strange. She looked at him incredulously and laughed, " Ah... No."
He pursed his lips for a moment, evidently not buying into her answer. They both faced the stream once more when another round of squealing laughter filled the air. "You mean you've never ever even briefly contemplated passing on your family legacy?"
Sage hesitated for a moment, "Once or twice... maybe." She sighed, "And I will admit that I am sometimes disappointed... but then I remember that I have three younger siblings at home." She grimaced slightly, her nose wrinkling up at the thought. Ben laughed at her expression. "One of them is bound to take over the responsibility. I'll have at least one niece or nephew."
The boy looked thoughtful for a moment, the corners of his mouth curling up as the gears in his mind continued to turn. "I think... five would be a good number."
She blanched and her head snapped over to look at him "Stars, five." He looked back at her and nodded, his answer definite. She shook her head, her lips pulling back into a grin, "I feel bad for your imaginary wife." Ben laughed at her remark but then it was quiet as Sage thought about her own answer. "I'd say... one... maybe two. You know, just so that they can keep each other company and take care of each other if I had to be somewhere."
It was the boy's turn to frown softly,"Yeah... but you're just saying that because you already have a big family."
"Exactly. I know about the chaos that can ensue." She reclined back slightly, lying back partially but she kept her upper body propped up with her elbows on the warm stone beneath her. "I hope you haven't already forgotten the madness of our last visit?"
Ben grinned, "I had a great time."
"Of course you did." The girl grumbled slightly as she continued to situate herself. "You've never had to live with five other people in a tiny house for an extended period of time. Big families are... troublesome."
"Your siblings love you, though." He glanced back at the young initiates who continued to splash about in the stream. "All children seem to." A wave of somberness washed over him then and he bowed his head slightly, staring at his feet as the cool water lapped at his ankles. "You would have made a good mother one day."
Sage just looked at his profile for a moment, his strange solemness filtering between their connection. She gazed back out across the forest and sat up slightly, her knee swinging back in forth as the air thickened with an awkwardness between the two of them. She eventually cleared her throat. "Yeah, well, we're Jedi. It's too dangerous to have families."
"I know... but, still. Sometimes I wish that we could. That it wasn't such a forbidden thing." His gaze dropped to the ground before his feet. "That attachments weren't so dangerous."
For a moment, Sage just sighed heavily but said nothing and brought one of her hands up to rake across the top of her hair before shaking her bun out, ignoring the fact of their own mirrored attachment to one another. "Well, there's other reasons why we aren't supposed to marry, too."
His brow furrowed softly and he slowly turned to look at her, "What do you mean?"
"Master Luke never explained this to you?"
Ben shook his head, "No. He just old me that Jedi weren't allowed to have families."
"It's about a balance in the Force, I guess." Sage explained, squinting slightly as the clouds that had briefly passed over the sun blew by and once more, Endor was bathed in warm sunlight. "Master Luke especially said that two Jedi having a family together would be even more objectionable than say... one of us marrying a non-Force-sensitive."
For a moment, the teenager looked confused by her words.
"It's about a distribution." She explained, sitting up entirely so that she could use her hands to talk. "Say you and I marry two other non-Force-sensitives. There's a pretty good chance that our children will still be Force-sensitive even though our spouses are not. Especially with our high midi-chlorian counts. I'd say that we have, at best, a 75 percent chance of passing on the gene for sensitivity by ourselves."
"Okay..." He narrowed his eyes slightly, the concept becoming clearer now. "So... say that... Sita-" He gestured to the little silver haired girl across the river. She was looking at a smooth stone she held in her hand. "-and Tono-" He nodded at the boy. "-eventually got married-"
"Sita doesn't even like Tono." She interjected.
"That's besides the point, Sage."
"And they're six."
"So?"
"Child marriages, Ben."
"Fine, fine. That is a bit weird, I will admit." He said and then was quiet for a moment, his eyes narrowing on her before he assumed the position Sage had been in only minutes ago. He sniffed through his nose and then fidgeted for a brief moment "Okay, so, say... we got married."
Sage looked over at him, her eyebrows raising nearly into her hairline at his suggestion, his mirth evident in his face as his eyes shown and his lips twitched. She turned back to face forward once more and briefly allowed herself to be entertained by the idea for the concept, "Okay...?"
The dark haired boy turned over onto his side to face her, still keeping himself propped upright with his elbow. "Okay. So we're married. Congratulations to us. Eventually, we have a child-"
"I'm not having your five imaginary children."
"I just said one, Sage."
"Fine."
"And, anyway, this child, who has been conceived by two high midi-chlorian count Force-users-"
"All of this sounds like extremely bad news." The girl cut him off and he frowned softly up at her. "This is what Master Luke told me. This is why we especially don't want Force-users to get together. If you do do this, get Jedi together, I mean, you create an imbalance in the Force. Having two Jedi or, I guess, even Sith parents, guarantees Force-sensitivity. However, it could also potentially lead to a dramatic spike in midi-chlorian count in the child-"
"Leading to perhaps an overly powerful Jedi-" Ben's brow furrowed in concern.
"-or potentially a Sith Lord, yes."
The boy was quiet for a moment as he further contemplated her words, his eyes clouding over with worry before he allowed his eyes to flicker back up to her, "I see the dilemma."
The blonde nodded, "Master Luke also explained that he isn't sure but there might have been experimentation going on in the Empire and among the old Sith Lords before where they were trying to breed Force-users in hopes of the production of powerful offspring."
"Breeding Force-users..." Ben grimaced and turned over so that he was once more on his back, "It almost makes me sick to even think about it." He shuddered.
"Yeah..." Sage sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly in defeat. "That's why the Jedi don't marry or have families."
The memory slowly faded after that with Sage lingering the longest. She was the last thing that the darkness swallowed. Ren had no choice but to stand alone for awhile.
He heard the wind first before he felt it and then it slammed into him. He stumbled back a few steps to maintain his balance and out of instinct, his eyes momentarily shut but when he reopened them behind the visor in his helmet, all he saw was white for miles and miles. It was hard to tell where the ground ended and the sky began for the planetary system seemed to be covered with heavy clouds that were responsible for the snow that continued to batter him.
He then felt a presence ripple in the flux of the Force and turned to watch the approaching figure, clothed in a set of exceptionally heavy winter clothes that matched the color of the surrounding snow. Their entire face was covered by a large pair of goggles and a thermal face covering to protect them from frostbite.
"Bloody snow!" A voice rose and the growl was carried away mostly by the wind but Ren still heard it. He couldn't help it when his lips twitched in amusement behind his mask as he watched the poor figure struggle cross the icy tundra before him, only to be knocked over by the wind a few steps later. If the aura and irritation with the white substance was anything to go by, this had to be Sage.
And there was only one ice planet that she'd ever visited.
"Ben!" She called out into the wind, stumbling briefly once more as she pulled out a comm device that had been stored on her belt. "Do you copy?" Ren trudged along through the snow after her and when he fully remembered this memory, he felt a deep chill settle in his bones and the very core of his existence.
There was no reply on the comm line but Sage brushed it off as perhaps she'd missed it in the wind. Or her companion hadn't heard her.
"I'm heading back. All the sensors on the southern side of the base have been de-iced and are up and working once more." With her other hand, she pulled out a sensor that was sending continuous pings on a screen of radar that was leading her back to the old rebel base. "What's your status?" She paused for a moment in her trek back to what remained of Echo Base. "Ben? What's your status?" Repeating the question, she hesitated a moment longer before her covered figure turned and scanned the surrounding landscape, only to find all of it looking near exactly the same: covered in snow and in the distance, small rock formations jutted from the ground, creating at least a small break in the blanket of white. "Ben?"
When she received no reply, she glanced back down at the radar and found that her own signal, represented by a green dot, was pinging on the screen, as well as the base's own red signature. A number of the now functional sensors, which were indicated in white, continuously flashed every time the radar rotated and made its round. However, there was a disturbing lack of another green dot.
"Ben Solo, you answer me right this second." Her voice was more urgent now and he could feel the anxiety rippling off of her. She once more spun back around to scan what she could see of the vast tundra that stretched out before her.
Stowing away both devices, she ripped the goggles from her eyes, revealing the stormy blues of her irises as she continued to turn in search of her lost companion. The face covering was yanked down next, revealing her own flushed and no doubt chilled skin.
"BEN!?" She bellowed out into the crisp air, the once seemingly white sky starting to darken slightly. Night was falling upon them. "BEN SOLO!?"
What was even more odd was the fact that the longer Ren stayed outside, the colder he felt. But, it was strange because it was this unexplainable coldness that just started to seep into him. It wasn't dangerous, no, this was a dream and memory. He wouldn't die in his own dream.
At least he didn't think he could.
Still, the cold was becoming increasingly annoying and he couldn't help but shudder and reach behind him to wrap his heavy cloak more fully around his body. He looked over at Sage's distraught form.
"You better hurry up. I'm getting cold." He spoke to the girl as looked out across the tundra and scowled. "All three of us are."
She continued to look increasingly more fearful for a moment before she seemed to ground her mind and settle the torrent of worry in her mind. Taking a deep breath, she allowed her eyes to close and Ren knew that all else suddenly became irrelevant in her mind. He could feel the swell in the Force as she reached out, disregarding the technology at her side and instead using her own sort of radar; one that was far more powerful and reliable.
Ben?
She called out with her mind while she grasped further with the Force, searching. Listening. She could still feel him, that much was for certain; she could feel him across the galaxy if she meditated long enough so this was nothing in comparison. Still, the end of his connection was weaker, fuzzier.
He was still alive. For now, at least. But beyond the base that sat before her in the snow.
Ben?
There was a slight tremor in response, the ever so weak touch back against her mind like the stirring of a conscience.
…Sage…?
Ben!
I'm... It's... I'm so cold…
Where are you?
I don't...
Are you okay?
There was a break in the chain of response, a long pause of silence.
I'm... I'm s-so cold, Sage...
His sentence faded off slightly at the end as if he were almost falling back into unconsciousness.
Ben!
She immediately snatched at his presence as it began to recede back out into the snow.
Ben! You gotta stay with me. You have to stay awake. You need to keep talking to me so that I can find you.
M'kay...
Her eyes immediately snapped open and her body began to turn on it's own accord, the Force pointing her in a very vague direction but she nonetheless pressed onward without a moment's hesitation. She replaced the goggles and thermal covering back onto her face as the blizzard swirled and curled around her. Ren had no choice but to stomp behind her.
Ben...? I can't hear you.
It wasn't so much that he was speaking to her but was instead pushing his emotions towards her.
Cold cold cold cold cold.
It's okay.
She pushed back her own feelings, sending whatever strings of strength and warmth she could spare to him. Ren only continued to get colder inside, the phantom chill painful as it snaked through his veins.
I'm coming, Ben.
Cold cold cold cold cold.
I'm coming to find you. You're going to be alright.
Cold cold cold cold cold.
That was the persistent emotion that filled the bridge between their minds and it was simultaneously urging her to move faster and willing her body to concede to the cold and keel over on the ground.
Ren wasn't sure how long they walked but all he knew is that they were definitely getting far from the base.
Sage...
She froze ahead of him for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest. His voice in her head had been softer... more wispy...
Ben!
Silence.
Ben, where are you!?
She began to move forward once more, her brow now set in determination as she struggled through the ever deepening snow. She could feel him now though and her eyes were wide despite the snow that continued to sail through the air and assault her.
She was getting close.
Her brow furrowed deeply as her mind simultaneously was tracking his weakening Force-signature while also sending as much warmth to him as she could. She literally sent him flashes of her childhood spent out beneath the desert sun, the hot winds, and the sand that burned beneath her bare toes.
Just then, she rounded the corner of a rocky outcropping, appreciative of the small blockade it made against the wind when she saw the distinguishable lump on the ground.
"Ben!" She yelled in worry before she was surging forward towards it.
It had to be him. It had to be him.
When she was close enough, she dropped down onto her knees and began to hastily scrape at the snow covering the human shaped lump. Sure enough, she found cloth that matched her own coat that was hidden beneath a layer of snow and so she hastily began to search for a face.
"Ben... Ben!" She started to shake him in hopes of rousing him from the darkness that hovered over his mind. "Come on. Wake up!" She jostled him again, knocking some of the snow off during this process. In doing so, she was able to find his head which was covered by one of the old helmets that they had found in the base. However, his face was covered in snow.
Immediately, she was swiping at where his face should have been and soon was able to uncover his goggles and shortly after, the lower half of his face which was bright red from the fact that he hadn't had his face covering on. His body was shaking uncontrollably with tremors from the cold, his body no doubt fighting to keep its core temperature from plummeting.
"Solo..." She jostled him slightly once more and felt that his mind stirred a little. A small noise left his throat.
He didn't speak out loud but she could hear him whisper her name in his head, his mind weakly touching at her own. She touched right back, assuring him that she was there and that he was going to be fine. She continued to send him sensory details about Beheboth that were forever engraved in her mind.
"Can you walk?" She spoke to him out loud in hopes of getting a proper response from him.
When he was quiet, she got the vague impression that his answer was a no.
Ankle. Was all he eventually responded with and besides the cold, she began to feel the pain in his lower leg radiate through the prickling chill encasing his body.
"Come on!" She growled out in exhaustion when she considered their circumstance, rising to her feet once more even as the blizzard continued to rage around them. She didn't have time to waste. "You don't have my permission to die." She hoisted his legs up into a bent position before she was grabbing his left arm and yanking his body upwards. She swooped underneath his falling form and hauled him up onto her shoulders, looping her left arm between his legs so that she could grab hold of his left arm once more, securing him in place, and leaving her right arm free.
She let out a grunt as she struggled for half a moment under his full body weight but nonetheless righted herself and began to march back towards the base, following her own footsteps which were rapidly being filled with more snow.
Sage took a deep breath and mentally steeled herself, calling out to the Force, asking it to give her the strength she needed to make it back to shelter. And it answered with a swell of cradling warmth and a new wave of tenacity.
She ignored the burn in her legs as they began to move faster, her boots plowing less than gracefully through the growing snow banks. The blizzard continued to rage around them, blowing so hard that it often times pushed the girl off balance, causing her to fall to the ground. However, she wouldn't stay down long, conscious of the body upon her back and instead grit her teeth and willed her body back to its feet.
She wasn't sure how it happened but one moment she was plowing through the snow and the next she was stumbling to a halt, Echo Base seeming to suddenly jut out of the ground before her.
The body upon her shoulders shifted slightly and the blonde just patted his leg, "We're almost there... We're almost warm..." She panted, her breath coming out in puffs of mist as she now hastily walked towards the crack in the hanger door that they'd left open so that they wouldn't be locked out.
Once close enough, she maneuvered them first through the door by his feet and she turned, assuming that they had passed through, only to hear a loud thud as she swung back around and accidentally knocked Ben's helmeted head into the side of the base.
She released a nervous, jittery laugh, glad for a bit of relief from the ingrained worry writhing in her mind, "Oops."
"O-Ow..." Ben's voice was barely audible as he had spoken quietly and his face was pressed into the sleeve of her coat, his body still shaking uncontrollably from the cold.
"It's a good thing you have a hard head in addition to the helmet." He didn't laugh but she nonetheless felt a hint of muddled amusement flutter between their connection.
Turning back, she raised her arm and willed the door to shut and it did so with a squealing shriek. Her chest continued to heave through the exertion of both moving something so heavy and that fact that it was nearly stuck in place, not to mention that she was carrying a very tall man-child upon her back.
It was a relief to have to the wind blocked but the hanger was still too cold to be healthy for any human so she adjusted Ben upon her shoulders before hastily walking towards one of the side doors that would eventually lead to the barracks.
Since being abandoned back during the galactic war, Echo Base had very little power and what it did have was a few lights here and there that dotted the hanger in a barely there, red emergency beacon.
To help see through the dark, winding tunnels, she had no other choice but to yank her saber from her belt and ignite the blade, effectively lighting up the darkness and bathing the area in a pleasant, deep blue glow.
Not to mention that the hum of the plasma blade cut through the silence that seemed to hang over the entirety of the base, making it slightly less eerie.
She hurried through the number of hallways, following the snowy footprints they that remained from when they'd left their secured barracks the previous morning. They'd cleared the rest of the base and locked down the sections that they weren't using the day before in hopes that it would decrease their chances of getting lost in the dark and to also conserve energy to the two rooms they were using on their little expedition.
Turning down the corridor, she caught sight of the faint glow of more dim white lights streaming from a room and knew that she had found their room. Clicking her saber off, she grit her teeth and forged ahead.
"Can you stand up?" She asked him and was only rewarded with a quiet groan in answer. "I'm going to need you to stand up for me, Ben."
There was another grumble.
I don't know.
Nearly flying into the room despite her exhaustion, Ren was able to slip into the room right behind her before she was instantly turning and throwing her hand out to nearly slam the door shut with the Force before sealing it to keep the cold air out. Or perhaps the warm air in.
"Your left ankle is the bad one." It was more a statement than a question as she struggled across the room and collected both their sleeping bags in one arm, only to squat down so that she could carefully place his rear down onto one of the bunks.
He grunted once more in response and his entire body continued to shiver. Sage saw this and her arm lashed out towards the heater in the room and cranked up the heat as far as it would go, on full blast. She also began to situate the sleeping bags on the bunk, one inside the other for more insulation
After she deemed the set up acceptable, she reached up with her free hand and tore free the covering on her face before she unclipped her own helmet, ripping it from her head and haphazardly tossing it across the room. She also shucked the goggles off and threw them away as well while her teeth sunk into the padded fabric of her gloves, allowing her hands to rip itself free. Instantly, she was reaching for his left foot, her fingers deftly undoing the laces of his boot.
However, she was stalled in her actions when she felt pain spike through him because of her actions.
"Sorry." She frowned softly, her eyes raising to look at him for a moment.
"Do it anyway…" His voice cracked slightly but she nonetheless returned to her work after he told her to do so.
She eventually loosened his boot and carefully began to ease it off, Ben biting his trembling lip the entire time to keep himself quiet. Deciding to proceed despite his pain, she was able to ease the sock off his foot and found that his ankle was indeed swollen.
"How bad?"
She just continued to frown softly down at it, ignoring his question for a moment to instead touch tentative fingertips against the darkening flesh.
"I can fix most of it. Might still want to wrap it anyway." She murmured and then carefully maneuvered his foot so that it rested on her knee. Raising her right hand, she spread and flexed her fingers before her eyes slipped closed. She was still for a moment to breathe deeply, in and out, for a few long moments before she rested her palm against his ankle.
A warmth passed through her hand into his skin and beyond that, down into the muscle and tendons. There was an uncomfortable tightening for a few long moments before it receded, taking with it the pain that had been plaguing him before. Then, there was only a prickling tingle that lingered beneath her palm.
"That's all I'm going to do for now." She breathed after a few minutes of near silence between them, the only sounds filling the air the hum of the heater and the slight shifting of fabric as the boy continued to shiver.
"'Kay." He managed to mutter out, his dark eyes watching her half idled for a moment as she removed his other boot and sock before she rose and moved towards him.
Her fingers closed around the zipper on Ben's coat and yanked it downwards in one smooth motion. Nearly shoving the coat off his shoulders, she also tore his gloves free from his hands and began to work on the next downy jacket that he had on underneath before that too was soon discarded.
"What are you d-d-doing...?" He stuttered out, his teeth clicking together as he struggled to speak, his voice deepening from the numbness in his nose.
"I know." She muttered as she reached up and unclipped his own helmet and goggles, his normally shaggy hair flattened by both the helm and stocking hat he had been wearing underneath it. "We need to regulate your temperature." Grabbing at the hem of his heavy outer shirt, she began to haul it up towards his head and he slowly raised his arms up so that she could finish pulling it off.
This left him in only his thermal undershirt and Sage hardly hesitated in removing it as well before she dropped it onto the pile of the rest of his clothes. Ben only continued to shudder and he crossed his arms over his pale chest in hopes of conserving what body heat he could.
He just continued to shiver and shake, his head leaning back against the wall behind him as a wave of unconsciousness threatened to pull him under. However, he was able to weakly open his eyes once more when he felt that he was suddenly being moved, very carefully, though he could feel no hands upon his person.
Ben didn't even try to struggle and allowed her to gently manipulate his body with the Force until he was lying prone on top of the downy insides of the sleeping bags. He felt eyes upon him and opened them half way once more, only to find his companion staring down at him as she unzipped her own winter coat, concern evident on her features with the way her brow dipped.
His skin was unnaturally pale from what she could see of his bare torso. His face however, was the most concerning part; it was so, so red, no doubt from frostbite that had begun to develop while he was a human snow pile.
He was just about to let his eyes slide closed again but instead, they sprung wide open when he felt fingers unlatch his bent. He felt his body suddenly flush with embarrassment and he instinctively reached down with his numb, shaking hands and grabbed hold of her wrists, "W-What...?!"
"Your hands are freezing!" She flinched out of his weak grasp and instead tried to engulf his large hands in her own, bringing them closer to her mouth so that she could breathe on them. "The power in the generator is low because the blizzard is blocking the sunlight from the solar panels so we don't have much heat." She explained, looking up at him, taking in his bright red cheeks and how his jaw continuously shook. How hazy his dark eyes looked as they remained half idled as they stared down at her. "If you want to live, if we both want to make it through the night without freezing to death, we need to share body heat." She released his hands for a moment and her own fingers flew to her zipper. "Can you handle your pants?"
He released a shaky breath, his eyes blinking slowly for a moment as he looked at her, "I'm n-not an in-n-nvalid." He chastised her as best as he could, watching for a moment as she shrugged out of her lined jacket following soon after.
She threw her light brown Jedi over shirt across the room after she'd pulled it over her head. When she realized he hadn't moved, she glared at him and he swallowed before he began to pull his belt free from the belt loops, unclipping his grandfather's old saber as he went, tossing it down into the pile of clothes beside the bunk, the white belt following soon after.
Undoing the button on his pants, he once more felt a flare of heat warm his already red cheeks. He was only able to push them down part way in his weakened, prone state but he soon felt hands grip the fabric and pull them off the rest of the way.
"And the thermal underwear…" She told him as she herself undid her belt and unclipped her lightsaber so that she could drop it down into the rapidly growing pile of her own clothes. She toed her own boots off while she undid the button on her own pants, tearing both the heavy winter gear and the thermal under layer down at once, leaving her standing in a pair of long gray briefs, revealing her long legs to the cold air.
With the Force, she called both of their pillows to her and she placed her own down before she slipped her hand beneath his head and carefully lifted it so that she could place the padding beneath his head, only to ease him back down a moment later, his dark eyes watching her the entire time.
Swallowing thickly once more, he attempted to shuck off his own thermal tights while trying to keep his eyes forward and away from Sage, aware that the female Jedi a few feet away was pulling her own shirt over her head.
Ren himself was watching, enraptured the entire time she was shedding her clothing. However, when he glanced at his older self and recalled that he hadn't actually watched Sage shed her clothing, he snickered, "How gentlemanly of you."
Pulling the Force to him, Ben used it to push the thermals the rest of the way down, off the ends of his toes, leaving him in the exact same pair of long briefs that Sage was wearing, save for the fact that his were black. His cheeks burned for a moment as he lay there and he was grateful that his face was already red to hide the flush of his skin. He reached out and weakly pulled the side of the sleeping bag partly over himself.
Sage threw her hand out and shut the lights off in the room to conserve as much energy as possible to help keep the heat going overnight. It was only a half moment later that she was joining him in the sleeping bag, situating the heavy fabric around the two of them in the darkness. She then laid down away from him for a moment so that she could zip both bags shut before she was wriggling around in the spacious little pouch to face him once more.
They held each other's gaze for a long moment, blue eyes clashing against hazel for a moment in the dim red glow in the room before Sage was swallowing thickly and began to scoot closer to him. Raising a hand from the depths of the bag, she raised a hand and carefully touched his red cheek with her fingertips. Her brow furrowed softly for a moment at the lingering chill she felt there before she was shifting closer to him once more.
"Give me your hands." She commanded him and after a moment, he raised his shaking appendages and she took both of them in one hand while the other slipped beneath his head and circled back behind his shoulder so that she could tug him closer. Wordlessly, she threaded her fingers through his wild hair and pressed his face against the crook of her neck, her body jumping slightly from the cold before adjusting to the sensation for Ben's sake. Her warm cheek rested on the shell of his numb ear, the soft puffs of air disturbing a few dark hairs on his neck as she breathed steadily. She tangled her long legs with his own, her feet feeling nearly searing against his toes.
Ben released a shuddering breath at the warmth that was found there and he couldn't help it when the rest of his body pressed closer to her on its own accord to steal as much desert heat from her that it could.
Lowering their hands, she pressed the backs of his cold fingers into her stomach and then releasing her hold on his hands, she threw her arm over him and pulled the sleeping bags higher up to nearly the tops of their heads before she gently gripped the rippling muscles in his back and pressed him against the radiator that was her body. He felt relief wash through him when he felt fabric press against his own chest. She'd at least kept her binder on.
And they lay like that for a long while, a prickling of anxiousness rolling through Sage's mind as his body continued to shiver for what felt like eons even after he was sandwiched between her and the vents of the heater on the wall.
Only now, he was partially shaking from a whole other reason. With both of them so scantily clad and pressed close together it was almost… intimate. Far beyond the realms of appropriate in the eyes of the Jedi Code.
And yet, the connection between them hummed.
"You're going to be okay..." She whispered to him, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye from all the worrying she had been and would still be subjected to. All she read from the flux in his mind was a vague sense of overwhelming exhaustion.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed but eventually, the chill in his bones did not feel so harsh. Even still, she clung to him tightly, her fingers idly carding through his messy locks as she focused on the steady rise and fall of this chest, her own lungs matched to his rhythm.
Ben fell asleep at one point once his body stopped shivering so fiercely and he began to feel warm once more, the pool in his mind clearing with the serenity of sleep, his face still nestled in the crook of her neck with her cheek resting on the side of his head.
Sage eventually eased her grip on him and shifted so that she could place her own head back down on her pillow. Slowly, she shifted back over to her own side of the sleeping bag, the haze of sleep lingering in the back of her own mind now that her charge seemed to be fairing moderately well.
However, she remembered the frostbite skin on his face, knowing that that was another issue that needed tended to before it became worse. So, she lay her head down so that they were nose to nose with one another.
Snaking her hand out beneath the covers, she carefully touch his cheek and once more breathed deeply as she allowed the Force to glow through her hand and into the tortured skin on his face. She drew her fingers along the planes of his face, watching how the burns faded away beneath her touch. Tracing her index finger down his long nose, she couldn't help but smile ever so slightly, realizing that her work was done. For now, at least.
Sage remained where she was and allowed her eyes to slip closed. She only had to wait a few minutes of listening to their synchronized breathing and the dull hum of the heater beside them before she was drifting off as well, her mind just teetering on the edge of slumber when Ben suddenly shifted beside her.
At first, she paid no heed to the action it but was then slightly pulled back out of the fog when she was suddenly engulfed by two arms and was shortly after pulled back to a warming body. He let out a quiet grunt in his sleep as his arms constricted around her, snuggling her close and their roles were suddenly reversed; he rested his face in her hair and her cheek lay along the strong column of his throat.
He's still just cold. Her muddled brain excused his actions. She didn't protest and instead released a quiet huff before shutting her eyes once more and she finally drifted off.
Ren simply stood there for a long while, having watched the entire scene happen before him. He was warm within once more, parallel to his weaker self as he had been before out in the cold.
After a few long moments of simply standing there, gazing upon the two of them, he took a seat at the head of the long bunk they slept on. There was just enough space for him to sit between their pillow and the ledge.
All he was capable of at the moment was to simply stare down at the girl as she slept. He had half a mind to remove his helmet so that he could see her properly once more with his own eyes but there was a self-consciousness that lingered in him. Instead, he settled for pulling off one of his leather gloves and he found that his hand was trembling.
It had nothing to do with the cold.
Swallowing thickly, his heart pounded in his chest as he reached out in hopes of touching just the tip of one of the ends of a stray strand of her hair that lingered on the outside of the sleeping bag. When his fingertip made contact, a shuddering breath left his throat and he became more confident in his actions, pinching the blonde strands between his forefinger and thumb.
Abandoning the few commandeered strands, he raised his hand instead and brushed the backs of his fingers along the crown of her head, just passed his weaker self's nose, the hair beneath his fingers as silky soft as he remembered it to be.
There was suddenly a flux in the dream as it changed and yet, nothing around him moved in the room except for the way that the two Jedi were laying.
Sage had shifted closer to Solo, her forehead pressed between his collarbones, a curled fist resting against his peck. The boy's own nose was buried firmly in the mass of silk strands on the top of her head. However, all of a sudden, the blonde was stirring, the sleeping bag shifting as she moved.
She was trying to escape, Ren remembered.
"Ben?" She muttered groggily, her brow furrowing softly as she stilled against him once more. He didn't respond, only continued to grip her in his slumber. "Ben... wake up..."
There was still no response so she lifted her free arm and squeezed his nose shut with her thumb and index finger. When he ran out of air, he shifted and was slowly being drawn from slumber.
"Ben?" She asked again, her fingers still keeping his nose shut. He just grunted in answer, his eyes still closed. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Then go to the bathroom..." His voice rumbled deep from within his chest.
"You need to let me go first unless you want me to go to pee right here."
She could see his face through the darkness by the dim glow of the heater and he frowned deeply at her words, "...But its cold."
"But I have to pee."
She could tell that he was contemplating her words because after a few moments, he was easing his grip from around her, his arm raising so that she could move. Releasing his nose, she turned over and unzipped the bag and slipped out, only for the dark haired Jedi to shudder and curse quietly under his breath when some of the cold air managed to seep into the sleeping bag.
Ren just watched her silently as her feet carried her silently across the room and to the old refresher, her slim figure silhouetted against the red glow of the heater. She disappeared for only a few moments inside the room, the door being closed for what felt like only a minute before it was hissing open and she was nearly running back to their little cocoon.
Solo evidently heard her coming and lazily lifted the flap of the sleeping bag so that Sage could just dive back into the warmth of his arms. He let out a hiss as he snuggled her close again, "You're cold."
"You didn't hear me complaining about your frigid body earlier." She grumbled right back, resuming the same position they had been in before with his face in her hair and her head tucked beneath his chin.
"Whatever. Go to sleep."
And without further prompting, both lapsed back into slumber almost at the same time, it was hard to tell who honestly fell first but still, their muddled strings of consciousness pulled each other beneath the embrace of sleep.
Then, there was another flux in the dream, Ren noticed, but again, nothing had changed. Unless...
Time was what was changing.
It was Solo's turn this time to stir, his long legs stretching and his toes popping noisily from within the sleeping bags. He raised his head momentarily, observing the still dark room a moment with bleary eyes. His brow furrowed and he freed his arm from its confines so that he could extend his hand to the dark chronometer on the wall.
Evidently Sage had cut power off to everything in the room but the heater and the refresher door.
There was a moment where the screen was still blank before there was a slow burning of red numbers that grew brighter with every second that passed. The time read 0937 hours. He wondered how long they had been asleep but found that the answer truly didn't matter. Instead, he lay his head back down on his pillow, content to remain in the warmth of sleeping bag for awhile longer with his little space heater beside him.
However, he found after awhile that he was in a similar situation Sage had been in, for his bladder began to protest inside him. He tried to ignore it as long as he could, which was a healthy ten minutes, before he could not longer resist the urge.
With a quiet groan, he shifted slightly and reached over the female curled against his side so that he could unzip the bag. However, he was then stuck with the problem of, again, the female curled against his side.
He could only imagine how tired she was after scrambling to take care of him. Healing with the Force took a lot of energy and she had mended his severely sprained ankle and, from how good he felt despite nearly freezing to death hours ago, the patches of frostbite that had littered his body. The sneaky thing that she was no doubt fixed him in his sleep without him knowing it.
He could only stare down at her sleeping face for a moment, how her forehead was smoothed over without worry or stress. In a moment of courageousness, he dipped his head slightly and brushed his lips against her hairline for the briefest of moments, the tie through the Force amplified through this touch. He quickly drew away then, his cheeks flushing with blood before he was carefully moving, his arm slipping out from beneath her so that he could slip from the sleeping bag, having to cross over the top of her slumbering form to flee.
He couldn't help the quiet, stuttering growl that left his throat once his bare skin was exposed to the chill of the room, the heater no doubt having kicked off awhile ago when the energy got too low. His made sure to keep his distress silent; both physically out loud and through their connection. His arms rubbed over themselves to produce more heat as he shuffled along to the refresher.
After dealing with his business, he exited the room, only to pause mid step when he noticed the lights had been turned back on.
And there Sage stood.
Her back was to him as she lazily scratched a hand through her hair, her head tilted downwards slightly as she took her time contemplating the numerous clothes spread across the expanse of the floor, the cold evidently not affecting her in the slightest as she stood there in what little clothing remained on her body.
There was a solid strength in the muscles that lay beneath her tanned skin he knew both from feel and the fact that they had been in training together since what felt like forever. Ben himself was strong and toned in his own right, however, Sage's body held a hint of soft femininity about her waist and hips that his own lacked. His own body was more cut and chiseled where her muscles were more slopping and gentle.
And she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Both versions of himself thought so.
For a moment, Ben leaned on the door frame and watched as she bent down to retrieve one of the numerous discarded shirts so that she could pull the fabric over her head to cover herself once more.
All Jedi clothing was rather baggy, to be honest, but despite that, it was easy to see that the shirt she had put on was a few sizes to big. She was wearing one of his.
Solo couldn't help it when his lip twitched upwards for a moment before he realized he had been staring and righted himself, walking the rest of the way out of the refresher.
The blonde glanced over her shoulder at him when he came shuffling back into the main room, one arm over his chest while his hand scratched his shoulder in an attempt to hide himself, an action he did out of self-consciousness. She turned back around to resume finding the rest of her clothes and unbeknownst to her, a crooked smile twisted his lips up when a devious idea suddenly crossed his mind.
He spotted one of their other shirts across the way and used the Force to bring it to his hand. Taking a moment to unfold and examine it, he grinned triumphantly and pulled it over his head.
Perfect.
"Um..." He spoke out loud into the silence of the room once he was settled. "Sage...?"
Raising her head from where she was picking up her pants, she found him standing there in a shirt, one that clung tightly to his body and didn't cover the lower half of his stomach.
It took a moment for her hazy brain to comprehend what was happening but when she realized the situation, a slow smile spread across her face. Ben's own resolve cracked and he grinned as well, proud of himself for having elicited an amused response from her.
"Alright." She sighed, standing up from where she'd been squatted. "Give me back my shirt."
"I don't know..." The dark haired boy mused, looking down at himself. He raised his arms and flexed his muscles, head turning from side to side as he admired each bicep. "I kinda like it." He brought his arms down so he could flex again. "It makes me feel extra muscly."
Sage laughed hard and shook her head, a smile still on her face, "Shut up, Solo."
It was suddenly dark once more, pitch black around him. The memory had cut off so fast; it had happened in one instant, like someone had pulled a plug from a wall socket. There was a near emptiness that lingered around him like a void in space. The only thing Ren was conscious of was that there was something solid beneath his feet.
He wondered briefly what was happening and what was yet to come; what memory was next. He was almost anxious with wanting to know.
"Ben...?" The call to him was soft, a barely there whisper that filtered through the receptors on his mask.
He turned then, his eyes searching the enclosing blackness and he felt himself jump slightly when a human form appeared before his eyes. Her back was to him and she was dressed in common street wear.
There was a churning deep in his gut just then. Ren could tell that something else was off almost instantly.
He paused for a moment before he dared take a step closer to the form. He was just about to reach a gloved hand out to touch her shoulder before she was turning her body.
As if burned, the Knight was jolting away from her, his dark eyes wide with horror at the sight before him.
The woman was pale, ghostier than the snow that had been crunching under his boots only minutes ago. He could see the veins beneath her skin and they retained an unsettling black and blue tint as they snaked their way along her pasty skin. There was what appeared to be black bruising around her mouth, lips, and eyes. The only splash of contrasting color against her mostly monochromatic form was her hair; a once warm, sandy gold that fell to nearly the middle of her back but was now lopped off sloppily, the ends jagged and rough as if it had been shorn off in fistfuls. There was a large slash that also crossed her pale throat, cutting diagonally from beneath her jaw to the opposing collarbone, blueish-black liquid oozing from the angry wound.
And what was all the more terrifying was that her eyes shone the familiar gunmetal blue that had always haunted him.
"How could you, Ben...?" She asked quietly, her empty eyes holding his own. "How could you let me die like this? It's your fault that I'm dead." She sneered, obviously becoming more and more angry, suddenly less than a benevolent spirit. "KYLO REN KILLED ME, BEN!"
"No..." He breathed, shaking his head slightly as he slowly began to back away from her.
She suddenly raised her hand and his saber was sailing through the air with a hiss until it landed in her palm. It ignited with a spitting hiss as her thumb pressed down on the igniter, the red glow making her look all the more sinister.
With her free hand, she was reaching out into the blackness, her fingers curling around something near invisible to the naked eye. He was frozen, however, when he caught the brief flash of silver in the blackness. What was it?
"Goodbye, Ben." She breathed, her fingers closing into a fist around the object before she was raising the lightsaber so that she could hack into it.
Instantly, he felt a searing pain stab through his head and a series of agonized screams tore free from his throat. Despite his response, Sage was dissuaded in her actions and continued to cut into the object.
The link. He realized after a moment, his hands continuing to clutch almost desperately at his helmeted skull.
Sparks from both the saber and the object snapped and hissed as they sailed through the air around the unperturbed female, a look of utter determination on her face as she continued on with her work.
And then the red beam of plasma was jerking through the air, having severed the tie in the Force.
Goodbye, Ben. She remained a moment longer while the man sunk to the ground, his head clutched desperately in his hands as his screams continued to pervade the air. Until we meet again.
He woke up screaming, his voice already becoming hoarse from his pained shouts. His large hands were immediately fisted in his dark hair, pulling on the shaggy locks as if it would relieve some of the blinding pressure resonating through his skull.
"NO!" He hissed out through gritted teeth, his jaw locked so hard he was surprised that his molars hadn't shattered. "SAGE, COME BACK!" He called out into the night, his voice pitched high with desperation. He was vaguely aware of the wetness on his face, his mind barely registering the sensation. "SAGE... SAGE, PLEASE!"
Except his cries fell upon deaf ears.
She was already gone and there was not a single chance that she would ever be returning.
"SAGE, PLEASE!" He sobbed, his body curling on himself, the grief and loss nearly crushing him beneath their weight as they had done so long ago. The wounds of old had been torn open once more and allowed the agony to spill through and nearly drown him.
This pain was like what it had felt like when he'd killed his father. Only this time... this was eons above that torment. No, this was complete and utter torture. And he deserved this.
Well... that was fun. And painful.
Hey, guys! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I've just been really busy lately what with classes and what not. Since I'm an English Major, I've had a huge stack of papers to write and I've finished most of them and am only now just being able to get this out to you guys.
I hope you enjoyed the angsty angst and the fluff.
I'm sad to admit that this is probably going to be the last we see of Kylo for a bit, maybe a chapter or two which is going to be increasingly difficult for me to write. But, hey.
I need to have actual plot in here.
Hopefully, these flashback/dreams/memories allowed for more insight into their relationship and explained a bit how they've grown as characters. How they've changed because of what happened which will be revealed more later on in the piece.
Don't worry, you'll get actual explanations and even more backstory in future chapters.
Things to look forward to: we get more Sage/Rey interaction and training in general (Sage is a wise woman). We also get to explore more of Ahch-To which I'm really excited about. We're also going to potentially get another recruit (can you guess who?) and perhaps interaction with the Resistance.
Anyway, thanks to all who commented/reviewed/left kudos/followed/favorited! You guys make my day! I hope you know that ;)
So... YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, READ AND REVIEW!
Love,
Blue