I blame redwalgrl-RG and her story A Little Thing Called Love for Roy. There won't be any actual Roy x Archer, but I want Jealous Kimblee to rear his ugly head in future chapters and it seems like as good as catalyst as any.

Besides, redwalgrl-RG likes that pairing and I think she's my only reader. So we'll just dedicate the jokes and references to her. Thanks for reading and reviewing, redwalgrl-RG!

And to everyone else reading and staying quiet, thanks to you, too. :D

Chapter 3

"Are you here to see Lieutenant Colonel Archer?"

Kimblee stared at the corporal sitting to the desk closest to Archer's. The man was scrawny and blonde and had a cheerful grin on his face. He looked to be the only one left in the office at five-thirty and was sorting through paperwork. The alchemist was sure the confusion was leaking onto his face as he stared at the overly cheerful man. Kimblee wasn't expecting to see anyone else other than his favorite closet war fanatic; normally Archer was the only one who chose to work overtime. Kimblee shoved his hands into his pocket and glared at Archer's empty desk as if it was mocking him. Somehow he did manage to reply to the corporal. "If I am?"

The corporal looked up at the man and took in the gold eyes, black hair in a pony tail and slightly ruffled uniform. He fit the description the Lieutenant Colonel had given him. He smiled as he set his papers down; there was no mistake. "Are you Lieutenant Colonel Kimblee?"

"Yes. Why?" How'd that corporal know who he was? It's not like Archer was going around singing his praises. In fact, the man was trying his hardest to make sure that no one knew he was there. Something about more exciting to reveal him at the opportune moment in battle or something. Kimblee hadn't been listening too closely when the man was ranting about his future plans over liquor. "What's it to you?"

"Lt. Colonel Archer said you might show up when he was on his way out of the office." The corporal smiled. He was sort of glad this Kimblee had shown up; otherwise Archer had asked him to stay in the office overtime for nothing. "Lt. Colonel Archer' went down to the shooting range around four o'clock. He's probably still there if you want to catch him."

"Uh, thanks." Kimblee shoved his hands into his pockets and wandered out of the office and into the hallway. He paused momentarily to try and remember where the shooting range was before heading off on his way. His visits to the office must have gotten predictable if Archer was leaving lackey soldiers to give him messages. Maybe he should start showing up earlier in the morning.

On the bright side, he was now reinstated as a full-fledged Lieutenant Colonel. Archer still wouldn't let him show his face in places where the Flame Alchemist might see him because of previous mentioned plans of glory, but that was okay. He sort of understood the reasoning behind that at least. Though he didn't like it. Kimblee just didn't like the Flame Alchemist period. He was cutting into his Archer time. Ever since Archer refused to reopen that case for that one Hughes guy Mustang had been breathing down the investigations department head every second he could get. Archer was now forced to physically take papers into Mustang's office and convince him to sign certain documents for approval.

It pissed Kimblee off because Mustang would never sign so Archer had to do his work after hours to make up for the lost time. Which meant that Kimblee either had to sit quietly bored in a corner or leave. Archer got pissy in a bad way when he was working. He didn't get angry or yell; he just glared and ignored Kimblee. The Crimson Alchemist hated being ignored for paperwork that could have been done earlier in the day if some hot-headed Alchemist would just do his job.

The sound of shots firing broke Kimblee out of his internal bout of ranting. Seems he had reached the firing ranges while lost in thought. That worked as well as anything else; at least Kimblee hadn't gotten lost. The Crimson Alchemist headed over to click his heels before the front of the check-in-desk. "Is Lieutenant Colonel Archer here?"

"Hmm?" The desk clerk looked up at the scruffy man in front of her. She spied a watch chain by his pocket; an alchemist. The young lady coughed a bit before looking down at the sign in list and pressed a finger to the page. "Yes, he's on lane four." The woman reached her hand under a desk to pull out a pair of headphones. "You'll need these."

Kimblee snorted. If his hearing wasn't shot from all those explosions yet than a gun shot or two wasn't going to do anything. "I'll be fine."

"Suit yourself."

Archer had just finished emptying his third clip into the defenseless target at the end of the shooting range when he lowered his arm to stare at the target. His game was really off to have missed so many from dead center. Archer made up his mind to practice more. He clicked off the empty clip into the stack before reaching for the next. After the day he had with Mustang and trying to get that rape case signed and approved was a nightmare. It was just his luck that the guilty parties worked under Mustang. It wasn't even a valid charge; that Havoc guy was innocent. You'd think Mustang would be faster to sign the papers stating his personal hand picked crew was innocent. Not that anyone would believe Havoc raped the Lady General anyway.

It was more believable that Archer and Mustang were having a steamy affair in his office.

Archer smirked at his own pun and emptied his third clip into the target. Pretending that the flat piece of paper was Mustang was a surprisingly good motivator for hitting the dead center of the target. However, it also meant he was a tad more trigger happy than usual. Archer almost pouted when he heard the tell-tale click of an unloaded gun. He did pout when he realized that meant he hadn't been counting his rounds. A fatal error if there ever was one.

"Wow, you're a pretty good shot." Kimblee whistled as he walked up behind the stony man. He knew Archer liked guns, but he hadn't realized the man might actually be a good shot. "Maybe I should have been more worried when you had a gun on me in Dublith."

"Don't patronize me, Kimblee." Archer huffed as he reloaded his weapon, or tried to. "Hmm, I'll be right back. I need another clip. Switch the target with a new one for me. The pulley for the rope is over there."

Kimblee frowned at the other man's back, but reached up to start pulling the string anyway. He took his time and the little clip holding the paper came closer bit by bit as he manipulated the rope and pulley. Once it got close enough to get a good look, Kimblee smiled. There were a lot of holes in that thing; Kimblee looked down at the ground to see about two other targets pegged with just as many and almost laughed. Three empty clips also spoke volumes. "Damn, the army's going to run out of ammo if you keep going at this rate."

"Please, the army has plenty of bullets." Archer snorted as he snapped the next clip into place and waited for Kimblee to put the new target on the hanging clip. "Besides, Lieutenant Hawkeye goes through far more of these clips than I just used in her office when Mustang is being lazy."

"Dammit! What was that for!?" Roy shouted as he held his ear. "You almost nicked my ear with that one."

The woman glared. "I'm well aware that you and Lieutenant Colonel Archer are having difficulties, but squabbling over that case with Havoc was too much. Sir."

"I was going to sign it. I just made him wait, it's not like it needed to be turned in today." Mustang huffed. "I don't trust that man. If I cause trouble for him maybe he'll be too frustrated to work on whatever it is he's scheming."

Hawkeye rolled her eyes. "Or maybe he'll hate you even more and be more dedicated to whatever it is."

"I doubt he could hate me any more than he does." Mustang muttered. "Speaking, have we heard from Armstrong lately? I just have to sign papers, the Major has to actually work with that man on a regular basis."

"Yes, at the moment he's inspecting one of the labs. Something about suspected chimeras that Archer is behind."

"That can't be a good thing."

"No, I'm lucky I got that much information out of him." Hawkeye paused. "If he's willing to tell us that much it must have him worried."

"I agree." Mustang paused and folded his fingers together. "Perhaps I should inform Armstrong to keep close tabs on our dear friend Archer. The Investigations Department shouldn't have any need for chimera. He's plotting something, now I'm sure of it."

"Sir." Hawkeye saluted. "But that still doesn't excuse you from why you did that to Havoc. He was sweating for hours over those papers."

"Please, we all know he was innocent." Mustang snorted and almost. "There's a better chance that Archer and I get caught making out on my desk than him actually raping that General."

"Don't be crude, sir." Hawkeye shuttered. "There are some thoughts that can't be removed once you've thought them."

"Didn't know you were into that sort of thi-dammit!" Mustang ducked as the bullets flew over his head one by one. "I was joking!"

"I'm taking my leave now, Sir."

"Dismissed." One of these days Mustang was going to take her gun. Granted, it was the day he decided to have a death wish; but he would do it.

"I don't see the point of this." Kimblee snarled as he looked down at the smoking gun. Archer was leaning against the wall guard with a smirk on his face as he watched Kimblee miss the target repeatedly. Cocky bastard. "I'm an alchemist. If I want to take down my enemy I'll just transmute them into a bomb!"

Archer licked his lips. Payback was such a bitch; but boy was it fun. Archer looked to the back wall at the end of the range and smirked. There were plenty of new bullet marks on the wall, but not so many on the paper. Kimblee was truly a horrible shot. "I tried alchemy. It's only fair."

"Oh shut up." Kimblee rose the gun again and fired. It wasn't his fault he was out of practice! Even when he was in the service he blew things up before he shot a gun. Hell, most alchemists didn't even bother with the things. Kimblee pulled the trigger before grinning and turning to Archer. He pointed at the hole in the piece of paper located neatly next to the center and could hear the excitement leaking into his voice. "See there. I hit it."

"Very good, do you want a cookie?" Archer laughed at the snarl that followed from the other man. He covered his mouth to hide the smile from the other man and looked at the lonely little bullet hole on the pristine piece of paper. "Oh come on, I'm not allowed to make a joke?"

"It wasn't funny." Kimblee looked down at the gun in his hand and smiled. Bullets had gun powder and there were plenty of elements in the gun itself. Heck, it was practically a bomb already; Kimblee was just giving it that extra push. "But I've got a good sense of humor, too."

Archer rose his eyebrows at that and looked down at the gun which was now glowing slightly. "Oh shit! Don't!" But it was too late. Kimblee had tossed the gun towards the end of the range and Archer had to duck down beneath the counter ledge to dodge the shrapnel that had flung off of the back wall from the force of the explosion. "Kimblee you moron! What the hell are you doing!?"

"Destroying the target." Kimblee whistled and put his hands to his hips. "Blew him away. So much more efficient if you ask me."

"This is a shooting range, Kimblee." Archer could see red and was gripping the cuff of Kimblee's uniform before he could help it. He gave the man a good shake for emphasis but snarled deeper when that stupid smirk never left his face. "A military shooting range. Are you insane?"

"I can't believe you just asked that." Kimblee laughed sadistically as the hands tightened around the fabric of his uniform jacket. "Don't you know already?"

"For the love of..." Archer groaned and released one hand from the man's cuff to hold his eyes and take a deep breath. "You are impossible."

"You're the one who wanted me so bad." Kimblee so helpfully reminded him. It was a true statement after all; Archer had come to him requesting his services. "Are you regretting your decision?"

"Don't even start." Archer huffed. "That usefulness I saw in you is started to pale in comparison with the trouble you cause."

"Hey! Is everything alright back here? I heard an explosion." The desk clerk shouted as she turned to the back. She saw a lot of smoke, a lot of target fragments everywhere and two officers very close to each other. One looked amused and the other angry; that couldn't be good.

Kimblee frowned at the intrusion of the third party. He was finally getting a decent reaction out of Archer's temper and now this little girl was interrupting. He had have a mind to blow her up-

"Don't even think about it."

Kimblee laughed as Archer gave him a particularly icy evil eye. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Archer cleared his throat and released Kimblee to straighten his own uniform and put a pleasant smile on his face. (Well, he thought it was pleasant no matter how many people said it was creepy.) He tried to also smooth his hair down, but Archer frowned when his hand met a piece of scorched paper. He tossed it aside quickly. "I do apologize. There was a little disagreement with the firearm."

"It went boom." Kimblee added in his two cents with a laugh and with the 'innocent' spread of his arms displaying his transmutation circles.

Archer watched in dismay as the woman paled slightly. Clearly Kimblee needed a lesson in tact and lying low. There was no doubt in his mind that Hawkeye woman was going to hear about the explosion in her range and then she'd no doubt tell that bastard Colonel of hers. He needed a moment alone with the woman to make sure this event didn't leave the range. "I assure you, it was a one time event and I will make sure all damages are handled and paperwork filed, miss."

"Alright, sir." The woman's reply was hesitant, but she would much rather leave the area. Those golden eyes from the alchemist were staring at her and she didn't like it. It was so predatory; like he was eyeing a piece of meat for the slaughter. "I'll leave it to you then."

Archer waited for the woman to scamper off around the corner before he turned on Kimblee in a whirl. He shoved a well-manicured finger in the man's face and made sure his voice was low and serious. "If you do something that stupid again so help me I'm throwing you to Tucker and letting him turn you into a Chimera. Is that understood?"

Kimblee had to bite his lip to keep from laughing and just nodded; not trusting his own voice. Archer's eyes were practically slits in his fury and they looked an even more vibrant shade of blue than usual. Like blue fire burning brightly. Not getting a response, Archer took a step back and followed the clerk out of the office, probably to fill out some paperwork or make sure she kept her mouth shut. Either way, Kimblee shoved his hands back into his pockets and grinned. "I love it when he's angry."