Rated T, mild. Crackfic, humor, crossover. Pre-slash.

"Potter, what's happening?" Malfoy sounded panicked. "Why is that giant turtle coming towards us so fast? And why are you dressed like an Italian plumber?"

"Wha-… I don't know. And you're the one dressed like a plumber!" Harry looked at the odd sight of Draco Malfoy, dressed in a green plumber's outfit, that looked vaguely familiar. Harry himself was dressed in a similar attire, but the colors were red and blue. He looked around, trying to figure out where they were. There was something familiar about this place, which was odd, since he had never been any place like this before. They were on a path, and ahead of them lay a landscape of strange-looking tubes and stoneblocks, flying in the air. A giant, mean-looking turtle was heading towards them, looking ready to kill. Suddenly it hit him. Everything within him screamed that it was impossible, but he didn't have the time to listen now. They had to run. "Run, Malfoy. Run!" he screamed at the blond git beside him, trying not to panic as he set off on a sprint.

"Run, what, where?" Malfoy stubbornly stayed where he was.

"Forward, do you see any other available direction, you blind git?" Harry halted, Malfoy might be a git, but they were stuck in this together, and Harry was reluctant to leave him behind.

"Who are you calling blind, you bespectacled prat?"

"Just move already Malfoy, the turtle is almost here. You have to jump over him, do NOT try to… NO, Malfoy you idiot!" The world around Harry went dizzy for a moment, when it cleared, they were both standing at the same spot where they had started out.

"What happened?"

"You died. You're lucky we got three lives each. You're down to two now then. Ready to run and avoid those turtles now?"

"My father is going to hear about this!"

"Good to know. Now run!"

"Why aren't there any brooms here? Why can't I run to the side? What's wrong with the world?"

"You're in it?"

"I'll have you know that I am the heir to a long line of the pure-bloodest, noblest wizard that ever…"

"Whatever. You're still stuck in a Muggle game. Now jump up and hit that flying block marked the questionmark."

"Hit it? With what? And why?"

"With your head."

"I think not!"

"Just do it! And make sure to catch whatever it is that pops out of it."

"You're not making any sense. And what did you mean stuck in a Muggle game?"

"I remember my cousin playing this when we were kids. It's called Mario, I think. We have to run and jump and avoid all creatures. Also, hitting those blocks give some sort of stuff that just might help us survive this."

"And what's the point of this, then?"

"If I remember correctly, we have to save the Princess."

"Why would I do that? I have no interest in saving anyone, least of all some princess."

"Because the game is designed that way."

"It's stupid."

"Nevertheless, somehow we're stuck here, and the only option I can see is trying to move forward. Maybe saving the princess gets us out of here. Now, can we finally start moving? And hit that block!"

"Why don't you hit it."

"Fine." Harry glared at Draco, before jumping up and hitting the stone block with his head. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt. What looked like a white and red mushroom grew out of the block and started moving. Drawing his courage, Harry run up to it and caught it. The world blurred and suddenly Malfoy was only half Harry's size.

"Hey!" Miniature-Malfoy shouted, indignation clear on his face.

"Maybe next time you'll listen to me?"

"Fine." Stomping forward, Malfoy jumped up at the next block. A pling sounded. "Where's my mushroom?" he demanded.

"I guess not all give mushrooms. I think that pling meant you gathered some money. Hit it again, usually those blocks give of several golds."

"I don't want gold, I want out of this place!"

Harry sighed and tried to calm himself. "If we want out, we need to move forward, remember?" a thought came to him, and before he could help himself, he grinned and reached out, patting Miniature-Malfoy on the head in a parody of a soothing gesture. He promptly regretted it as Malfoy turned his head and bit Harry in the hand patting him. Malfoy's tiny tooths were sharp! He glared at the git, then turned around to continue, not caring anymore if Malfoy followed or not. The pitter patter of small feet behind him told Harry he did though.

After running, jumping and hitting blocks for a while, a thought came to Harry. "What did you mean?" he asked, before he could stop himself. Malfoy looked at him in irritation, just as he caught the mushroom he had finally managed to get from a block he had hit.

"What are you talking about, Potty?" he snarled.

"Why aren't you interested in saving the Princess. I mean, I know you're all about saving yourself, but you know, the Princess might be grateful…" at the last word, Malfoy made a face in disdain.

"Like that would make it any better!"

"Why not?"

"I'm gay, Potter."

"What?"

"G-A-Y. Look it up."

"I know what it means," Potter sputtered, feeling himself blushing. "I just didn't think you were, you know. Like that."

"You got a problem with that?"

"No! No. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I'm… I'm gay." Harry blushed at the confession, it wasn't like he was ashamed, it was just that he didn't usually talk about his private business with anyone. Least at all with an ex Death Eater. Malfoy regarded him with an unreadable expression for a moment. Then he smirked.

"Two gay, Italian plumbers in a Muggle game, out to save the Princess. If there's some All-mighty creator behind everything, they've really gone of the deep end now, eh?"

Harry couldn't help but chuckle. At the sound, Malfoy looked surprised, before his smirk softened somewhat, and then he nodded towards the path forward, indicating they should continue.

They were standing on a piece of tube before a long stretch of the path that seemed to be littered with turtles, before ending in what looked like a staircase made of small blocks. Behind it they saw a flag pole.

"Better get this over with. I go first, you follow in a moment, okay?" Harry suggested. Malfoy nodded grimly in reply.

Running and jumping as he never had before, Harry was about halfway when he landed on a turtle instead of behind it. It's head promptly withdrew into it's shell and then it started to go move like crazy between the tube and the staircase. The good thing was that it hit all the other turtles that promptly disappeared, but the bad thing was that the shell kept moving like a small missile back and forth, keeping Harry and Malfoy jumping like crazy to avoid getting hit. Just as he was almost at the staircase, Harry was hit. Everything blurred again, and then the world - along with Malfoy - seemed to have grown. Harry cursed. He was tiny again.

Malfoy grinned at him, as they now both stood there on the staircase, safe from the turtle-missile.

"You know, I kinda like you like this," the prat smirked at Harry. Harry glared and started to stomp up the stairs that Draco took in strides.

When they reached the top, there was a steep drop and then a flagpole.

"We need to jump," Harry stated his realization out loud as the memory hit him. "We've got to jump and try to land as high as possible at that flagpole."

"What? Why?" Malfoy looked almost scandalized at the suggestion.

"I don't know why. I just remember that that's what we've got to do." Harry snarled, his patience growing increasingly thin as his size had been reduced to pocket-sized. "You'll probably have it easier than me though," he grumbled in addition, glaring at Malfoy towering up over him. The giant git smirked as he realized the truth. Looking like it gave him courage, he jumped and to Harry's astonishment landed on the top of the flagpole. Sighing, Harry followed. He didn't reach the top of the pole, but he did reach it and apparently that was enough.

When they both had gotten the small flags, they realized there was something written on them. The words didn't seemed to make any sense though. Just as Harry was about tho throw his away in frustration, Malfoy snatched it from his hands. He then put them both on the ground, next to each other, and then suddenly the message was complete. Bending over the flags, they read the message.

Harry and Draco,

We're all tired to death at the two of you constantly fighting. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife. Just get the foreplay over with and fuck already, for Merlin's sake!

As we realize that just won't happen though, we all got together and decided you needed some time away, just the two of you. To work out your issues, as they say. Work together, save the Princess and then the spell will end and you'll be back in the real world. Hopefully you'll both learn something.

Sincerely,

Your friends

PS. And please, please, do something about that tension between it. Just don't tell me (Ron) about it. I'm all okay with you being gay Harry, I just don't want to hear about you and that git… Just spare me the details, okay mate?

PPS. Draco, we know it's Potter. We know he's a pretentious, arrogant Gryffindor. It's okay. We'll still love you. We'll make fun of you mercilessly, but in a loving, caring way. P&B.

PPS. Just do what makes you happy Harry. I love you. -H.

Harry's shocked eyes met Malfoy's.

"I'm going to kill them," the blond git made sense for once.

"I'll help," Harry replied without a second of hesitation.

"So, save the Princess, get out of here and then Kill our Friends. That's the plan?"

"That's the plan." Harry grinned at Malfoy, who met his eyes with determination.

"And after that we'll do something about that tension they mentioned," the git smirked, before turning around and running towards the tube that apparently led to the next level, leaving Harry standing behind him, blushing furiously. Then he grinned to himself and set of in a sprint after Draco.

They had a princess to save, friends to kill and tensions to… untense.