I'm off to sleep. Enjoy the next chapter! Ha ha, hopefully things will start getting more normal in the next chapter. I didn't mean for it to go into crack-land with the whole closet fiasco- no matter how much fun it was to write. XD Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 14

Archer wondered if shooting himself in the head was too drastic of an option. Because he certainly couldn't run, as Mustang was still on top of him. (Also a pain because the man's knee was digging into his side...) So Archer tried for fake affection and hoped it breached the aura of rage that was almost visible around his explosive companion. Archer also did his best to pretend Mustang and he were not still entangled on the floor. "Ah, Kimblee! Thank-you for rescuing us from that closet."

"What." Crimson sucked in a breath through his teeth. He'd give them one minute to explain themselves before he killed Mustang. He owed Archer at least that much time to describe the situation. That way Kimblee knew if Mustang's death were to be slow or excruciatingly slow. "Were you doing in there with him."

"It was not by choice, I assure you." Archer pushed his superior off with a grunt and stood as quickly as possible. Mustang was grumbling something about being pushed around so much in a single day; Archer ignored him. Kimblee's hands were twitching and Archer would never be able to show his face in front of Führer Bradley ever again if that damned alchemist killed Mustang. Archer clasped Kimblee's shoulders with his hands in an effort to distract the man. He squeezed them in a friendly fashion to hit the play that got the runner to home base. "I'm thankful you walked by when you did."

"Ah." The distraction worked, and Kimblee found himself staring at Archer's blue eyes and smiling face instead of that lech that kept trying to steal his man. The man's pale hands felt really good on his shoulders and Kimblee couldn't remember a time where Archer had touched him willingly outside of trying to induce physical harm. The crimson alchemist almost blushed. "It was nothing."

Archer smiled and was tempted to sigh in relief. His plan to keep Kimblee from attacking had worked. Archer was sure this show of affection would have repercussions at a later date, but for now that was fine. It wouldn't kill Archer to humor Kimblee a little bit here and there if it kept the man behaving and quiet. Archer could get used to this stunned, enchanted silence if all it cost him was a hug here or there.

"Though you could have been a little more discrete."

Archer cursed. Why did Mustang have to speak!? The goddamn moron! Kimblee started to grip his fists and snarled. Archer tried to work quickly to regain his ground. Archer turned and tried desperately to give the man eye signals to shut the hell up. "He got us out, didn't he?"

"He could have killed us both with that explosion!" Roy waved his hand at the destruction around the room missing said signals. That Crimson was a menace and Roy was angry with himself for not figuring out how to expel him from the army yet. Even if he did get them free from Fullmetal's closet prison. "For goodness sake, if Archer hadn't pulled us both against the wall we would have been toast. Show some restraint."

Kimblee began to bare teeth and pushed in the direction of Mustang fully intending to rip the man's throat out. His desire to keep Archer's hands on his shoulders was the only thing keeping him from doing just that. So he went with vocal threats. "Why I should..."

"Relax Kimblee, we were in there for four hours." Archer soothed and rubbed his fingers along Kimblee's shoulders. It was like consoling a child; what happened to the sadistic, sarcastic man he picked up in the Devil's Nest? Oh what he wouldn't give for that Kimblee again. "He's cranky, I'm cranky. He doesn't mean anything he's saying. Let's take this time and go relax, hmm?"

"Four hours?" Kimblee hissed and looked at the closet. It was tiny. To fit two grown men in there, they'd have to be flush pressed against each other. Archer and Flame were in full body contact in that tiny closet together while Kimblee was out looking for them. Even Kimblee hadn't been that close to Archer when they were in the same freaking bed! "You two were in that closet for four hours?"

"A very long uncomfortable four hours." Roy muttered and tried stretching his arms. Fullmetal was going to get an earful and more assignments than he could handle the next time the Flame Alchemist got his hands on him. Roy took another look at the closet and realized it could have been much longer if Archer's pet hadn't come along, so Roy grudgingly gave him a bit of thanks. "Despite your methods, I guess I am glad you got us out. I wasn't sure how much more I could take."

Kimblee stiffened. Did he just imply that spending time with Archer was unbearable? One day, Kimblee would sort out the thoughts in his head created by jealousy from his logical ones, but not today. Today, words twisted in ways they weren't meant to and as far as the Crimson Alchemist knew, Mustang had just talked poorly of Archer. Kimblee decided to clarify with a shouted come-back. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said." Roy shrugged. "I couldn't stand to be trapped in that god awful closet with Archer for another minute."

"Why you bastard!"

Archer rolled his eyes and took a step back when Kimblee pulled away from him to stalk up next to Mustang. The now stressed Lieutenant Colonel tried to laugh it off and reclaim the man's shoulders. "I'm sure it doesn't mean anything, let's just go Kimblee."

"No." Mustang insulted Archer. He should be grateful to spend that time with a man like Archer! Kimblee pushed Mustang in the chest. "Take it back!"

"Take what back?" Roy narrowed his eyes and swatted Kimblee's hands away. Only a fool let those palms touch you for any amount of time. Especially when he was going crazy. "What is wrong with you?"

Kimblee tried to grab him again and shouted "Take it back! Take it back right now!"

"You're psychotic." Roy pushed back when Kimblee pushed him again. Before he realized it they were grappling with each other and any more would put them both to wrestling on the floor. Roy was just happy that no alchemy had been involved yet. "Control yourself."

"First you spend all that time with him and then you insult him! I won't forgive it!"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Shit." Archer snarled to himself. Kimblee and Mustang's voices were starting to rise in addition to their scuffle. People were going to start noticing them soon and that would make things even worse than they already were! Kimblee's jealousy was making him stupid. If he kept this up, there was going to be a firefight in the hallway. Archer took a deep breath and did the only thing he could think of to successfully once again divert Kimblee's attention.

"I've been waiting a long time for this, Flame. I'm going to-" Kimblee was cut off in mid speech by a pair of cool lips covering his own and lanky fingers threading themselves in his hair to pull his head to the side. Mustang was completely and utterly forgotten and Kimblee's hands dropped to his side letting the other man back up against the wall. The kiss didn't last very long and Kimblee stared dazedly into pale blue eyes.

Archer smiled and tapped Kimblee on the cheek. "Now that I've got your attention, are you going to listen to me?"

Kimblee nodded dumbly.

"Good, let's go home and get a drink, hmm?" Archer cocked his head with a smirk and turned Kimblee around easily. He pushed lightly and got the man to start walking in the right direction. "We'll see you later, Colonel."

Roy stared as the two men walked off in the other direction quietly and efficiently. Eventually, Archer grabbed Crimson's hand and pulled him along to get out of the hallway and to their destination faster. Roy rubbed his hair and gaped. "What the hell was that?"

Tucker was having a good day.

Or at least he was until Lieutenant Colonel Frank Archer stalked into his laboratory and sat in a corner to bitch and moan. What was Tucker? His psychiatrist? The chimera sighed and decided he might as well get the session done and over with before Archer went crazy and cut his funding or something. "So what happened?"

"I didn't know what else to do so I kissed him to get him away from Mustang and now. Argh!" Archer gripped his hair and pulled at the ends. His brilliant plan had completely backfired on him!

"I take it you didn't completely think the consequences of your actions through?" Tucker mumbled and continued drawing practice arrays.

"I knew there would be consequences, but I wasn't expecting this!" Archer waved his arms around and stalked the room floor. "I mean, I figured he'd just get more pushy and start demanding more from the relationship. Like demand kisses more often!"

"What's he doing instead then?"

"He's happy."

"Happy?"

"Love-sick puppy happy." Archer moaned and rubbed his face with both hands. He looked drearily over at Tucker. "He cuddles, he buys flowers, he sneaks kisses, hell he even made little hearts," Archer paused to draw a heart in mid air, "by blowing up select portions of the concrete outside my house."

Tucker stared wide eyed at his superior. That would explain why he hadn't seen Kimblee around the lab in the past few days. He'd been stalking Archer with overtime. "All because of a kiss?"

"It's not just the kiss." Archer collapsed into a chair. "It's because I initiated the kiss that he's so god damn cheery. That's never happened before and now he fully believes he's got a chance with me."

Tucker chuckled and Archer scowled at him. "At least he's not trying to get into your pants."

Archer stared down the chimera with a snarl.

"Oh, so that's gotten worse as well?"

"You have no idea." Archer rubbed his eyes. It was one thing when Kimblee would tackle him in bed, but now it was full blown groping and rubbing and licking the moment the lights went out. Archer had kicked him out of bed twice now and Kimblee had merely replied "Don't be so shy!" with a playful laugh. Archer missed it when Kimblee was prissy and jealous and just stealing the covers to be petty. "What have I gotten myself into?"

"Archer!" Kimblee called down the lab steps. He skipped the last two with a spring in his step. He had a flower twirling in his hands. "Are you in there?"

"Yes." Archer pretended that his voice didn't crack in despair. "Down here."

Kimblee skipped down the few steps and waved happily to Tucker before stopping in front of Archer. The man had bags under his eyes, his hair was ruffled and he looked positively miserable from head to toe. Archer was so adorable when he was so close to being broken. A few more pushes and Archer would just give into Kimblee's demands just to get some sense of normalcy back in his life. Kimblee should have tried the over-cutesy affection tactic when he first realized his crush. It had worked the best out of everything to date. Besides, Archer needed to get laid.

"Did you finish your reports already then?" Archer looked up at the creepy smile on Kimblee's face. It was halfway between an amused smirk and a genuine smile. It was so weird to see on the man; normally Archer associated that look with an explosion in the near future- but it was just Kimblee happy, he supposed. "That was quick."

"I wanted to take you out to dinner so I worked extra quickly." Kimblee reached down and grabbed Archer's wrist while simultaneously sticking the flower in a button hole on his uniform jacket. Blue was definitely Archer's color. "Let's go."

"Alright, alright." Archer sighed and followed the man. It was going to be a long night.

"Good luck, sir." Tucker chuckled. Seemed he was going to finally get the time to himself enough to work on Nina. Though, he did hope Kimblee wasn't too rough with Archer. The man needed to be in one piece to lead troops to Liore and get a better lab for his Nina. Tucker smiled and reminisced on what it was like to be so young and in love.

He wondered who would turn the other into a chimera first.